As we assembled for the Hen Party, they were agog with it. "Poor Arthur! He was almost in tears! Every file was messed up and in the wrong compartment. All his stationery was scattered, his computer had been interfered with and apparently some of his orders have been cancelled. He just didn't know where to start!"

"Do you think it was one of the men? He does rile them you know. If Cort was around and could manage to access a computer without having to shout; 'Ssort this damn machine out, will ya?', then I would really think it was him. No, Cort would just hit him if he got on his nerves. Must be one of the younger men."

I sat down and pretended to be looking out of the window and whistled. 

"My money's on Kim or Zach. With the help of Andy and Johnny. I notice the beer delivery wasn't cancelled. It came earlier. You can be sure it was one of the men. What I want to know is... How did they get Arthur out of his office in the morning?"

"Do you figure one of the Sisters would have helped them? You know acted as a decoy?Any of you see Arthur with anyone this morning?"

Shut up, Heather! I thought to myself....

"Actually Uma was looking for him early on..." Heather and her big mouth...

Shit. Copped.

"UMA!!!" It was like the fucking Hallelujah chorus. "We might have known! Poor Arthur! How could you have done it?"

"Done it? Done what? What have I done now?" I reckoned that they couldn't pin it on me without evidence.

"You were the one who wrecked Arthur's filing system today. How could you?"

"Prove it," I said with a smirk. "I have an alibi. I was with Dr. Maturin. In my room. So there." I pulled out my tongue at my dear friends.

"You were with Stephen?" 

"We took tea and discussed ancient Greek Drama. So you can tell your dirty little mind to take a hike," I replied with a superior look. It was the truth. The only truth- so I had to make the most of it.

"I can prove it," shouted one of my dear siblings. "It's her MO. She's done it to Terry loads of times. She boasted about it on the cruise. She swaps his clothes for hers in garment bags so that when he packs in a hurry, he gets overseas and finds he's only got women's clothes with him. She thinks it's funny..."

"It is." I snorted and then bit my lip. They glared. "...And he was going apeshit at home in London because she had done it to his CDs. Everyone was in the wrong cover. This is the same. She's swapped the files and the covers. Don't even need to wipe 'em for prints- she's left her mark all over."

I conceded defeat ungraciously. "You tell him and I'll do something terrible. When I think of it. But you can't throw me over board this time..."

"There's a pool, tart, so watch it. "No need to tell him. He'll work it out and then he won't speak to you ever again. If he thinks that his darling 'Can't-do-anything-wrong' Uma would do this to him...God, you can be such a cow at times."

"And who are you- the Virgin Mary...?" Things were shaping up for one of our classic set-tos but at that moment Teener swanned in and called us to attention. The lure of sex toys was so great that we set our differences aside and paid full attention - mostly. I did get sidetracked occasionally. I love 'The Voyage" I will definitely have it as a coffee table ornament at home. Terry will have a heart attack. I must use it as a table decoration at out next dinner party. For the napkin rings...

I leave a gap. Others will fill in the delights of the party. I have to admit, I am quite an innocent...No laughing at the back!... and I found the evening most informative, educational and an absolute laugh. Heather blushed her way through it, but, fair play, she didn't back off. We were completely rat-faced by the end of the evening when the boys finally joined us. But I knew straight away. Arthur had worked it out. Then it occurred to me. Dino had been running a camera. Arthur must have heard our convo earlier. Aw- shit! Thanks a blooming lot, girls.

He wouldn't even look at me. While everyone else was happy and giggling, Arthur was quiet and stony faced in the corner. Shortly afterwards I noticed that he had slipped out and gone. I felt terrible. I shouldn't have duped him in that way. I mean...a practical joke is one thing but to have sex with him like that would make him feel so abused. I hadn't meant it to be like that. Aw...shit! Arthur was the last person in the world I wished to offend.

I jumped up and decided to go and find him. Suddenly I felt remarkably sober. At the door, Kim pulled me back and backed me up against the wall. "Where are you off to, princess? We haven't really spent much time..."

"I have to go to the loo," I blurted out.

He laughed but let me go. "Here, take one of these. Get yourself warmed up for later, hey?" He handed me one of Teener's goodie bags. I pouted but took it from him and ran off. I wouldn't be back.

I tried his office first, wondering if he had gone back to sort it out. It was locked and in darkness. Running up the stairs, I made for his room, hoping he hadn't consoled himself with a Naiad, but hardly thinking that he would have done. With a tap on the door, I waited, unsure whether he would even answer it. At first, he ignored it so I tried again. No response. I tested the handle and the door was unlocked.

Opening the door, I spoke softly. "Arthur? Can I come in?"

He was sitting watching TV, flicking channels and he jumped when I spoke. "Oh it's you. Come to gloat now, have you?"

I shook my head. "Can I come in?" He shrugged. I took that as an invite and gingerly stepped in to sit down next to him on the couch.

"What do you want, then?" he carried on watching the TV, or at least pretending to.

"I came to say I was sorry. It was a mean thing to do. I didn't think..."

"It kept you amused. That's all that counts, isn't it?" I had never heard Arthur speak to me like that. It hurt.

"It wasn't like that, Arthur. I just wanted to play a game. You know how fussy you are and sometimes it drives people daft...and then you were so prissy about Jeff..."

He looked at me strangely; it was a curiously mature and scrutinizing gaze. It didn't look like Arthur- it looked like...

"I don't give a fuck about the office. That was quite amusing. Once I'd calmed down...clever like, see. I can take a joke. I just didn't think you would ever be so callous with me. That's what hurts."

"Callous? What do you mean?" I asked, confused now that he wasn't at all bothered about the raid.

He turned away and got up, walking to the window and staring out into the night. "I know I'm just a bit of a kid to you. I never expected you to feel anything...special for me, but I thought you cared...I didn't think I was just something to be trifled with."

I covered my eyes with my hand. I knew it must have seemed like that to him. I had lured him with my body and played a stupid game. He thought that I regarded him as a fool.

"Oh, Arthur....you've got it so wrong. I was in a playful mood today and I messed about. But I didn't use you body just to trick you. Not really. I wouldn't do that with just anyone, you know. I love you to bits, Arthur and I love having sex with you...otherwise I couldn't have done it. Do you think I was faking it? Is that what you think?"

He didn't answer. He did answer. His silence said it all. I saw it from his point of view and how he must have felt his tender seduction was thrown back in his face and all I had been doing was mocking him behind his back. Young men are sensitive about their virility and to be laughed at is the most humiliating thing in the world for them; it can create all sorts of doubts and insecurities. Older men aren't much different either, however they hide it.

"Please, Arthur. Believe me...this wasn't about hurting you. What happened in the linen cupboard today was beautiful and I truly adored being with you. That was real...look at me...I'm not the sort of woman who fakes things..."

"So you say now." He snapped his response and turned to face me. "I think you better go. Not much else to say, now, is there?"

I stood up and walked to do the door, tears spilling at my own stupid insensitivity. I felt my shoulders shaking and, for once, I decided not to hide. Turning back to face him, I broke down and sobbed like a baby. "I'm...so...sorry..." It was all I could say.

Arthur stood and stared at me for a moment, Then he rushed over and held me. "Hush, don't cry....did I make you cry?...I didn't mean to make you cry...oh, bloody hell, what do you do when a woman cries?" He muttered almost to himself.

I sniffed. "Ring Terry? Or just get a tissue, maybe?" He looked at me and we both smiled. 

"Oh yes....a tissue...that's right...a tissue," and he hurried over to find one for me. Good job he is so neat and organized. Can't imagine most of the fellas have tissues to hand. Except on those nights when they get a bluey...

So Arthur mopped me up and apologized. "Don't apologise to me! I was the one who played you out! Arthur- you must believe that I wanted you this morning even if it did also play into my hands. It was because we are so close that I thought we could...you know...it's the kind of lark I play on Terry...I wouldn't feel relaxed enough to do it with most of the others..."

"Really? Truly? You would put me in the same category as... him?" Arthur asked.

"No...I would put no one there with him. I won't pretend about that. But you feel so close to me, Arthur, like a real brother except... I fancy you rotten, which is a bit sick if you were really my brother..." 

He grinned, relaxed, stroked my face. I wrinkled up my nose. "Are we cool, Arthur? Is it all right?"

But instead of an answer, he picked up the bag at my side. "What did you bring this for?" There was a glint in his eye.

"Someone handed it to me when I left the room. No reason."

"Are you sure you got everything? Perhaps we need an inventory. A stock check...?"

I swear the boy is evil. I wonder has he any of Mordred in him as well as Arthur? We sat on the floor and arrayed the goodies about. Arthur fished in his back pockets for his notes. "Should we label them before we start...perhaps with a little description..."

"Label? Description? Start?" I echoed.  He merely grinned. "Now...let me see...we wouldn't like to get these tubes mixed up now, would we..."

"Arthur...try that cream...go on, I dare you...see how long you can last..."  I said as I ran the feather up and down his erect penis and he gently massaged a spot of oil on my fanny. My God! We were like two pigs in muck. I cannot tell you, how much fun we had. What can I say? That bloody twat oil...Teener...it is amazing. I just rolled about the floor in paroxysms while Arthur tried to pin me down and try out the silver bullet which we were having difficulty inserting as I was wriggling so hard with my tingling clit that he had to straddle me and sit on my legs. That just made me laugh more. So I grabbed the bullet and set to work on him. God, that thing is so clever...we soon stopped laughing.

Arthur was slumped back on a pile of cushions and I was crawling all over him as he explored me with his fingers. It took a lot of concentration. I just kept coming and coming...that stuff...get me a gallon of it, Teener...he for once, was having problems coming, well not problems exactly...he just was taking his time...

Lying back in his arms, some time later, as he pumped me into oblivion, he suddenly pulled out. "I need something to make me really let go or I'll be here all bloody night..." he observed.

"What like a porno film?" I asked. I reckon he's got a few good 'uns salted away somewhere in here.

"No, not exactly..."he whispered and his eyes strayed to The Voyage. "I was just thinking of something else we might try..."

Bloody hell...he doesn't need notes, does he? Good job we had some lube. There were tears in my eyes. But, I tell you...with clit oil, a rampant Arthur and the Voyage on its way to the unknown, I can assure you I discovered heights that you wouldn't even find on Everest.

Arthur was certainly compensated for his mental upset in the day. I thoroughly atoned for my outrageous behaviour. I must say though that I felt more rewarded than punished for my sins. Next morning I spent righting the damage to the office and walking funny. I couldn't have stomped grapes to save my life. "No, Max, I can't stomp up and down and neither would you if you spent last night with a large glass dick up your..." Mind you, you never know with him, do you?"

I didn't tell Arthur about the orders I made though. I reckon he can find out about those when they arrive... a joke's a joke, after all...