PART ONE: THE PROPOSITION

It was one of those lazy Sunday mornings when you lie around with the newspapers and recover from last night's over indulgence in food, booze and sex. We had eaten breakfast in bed, if you can call it that- I had some still-edible fruit and reasonably fresh bread for toast. There was good coffee but no milk. I found a little carton of long life cream and decided to pretend I was giving him a treat. I really must go to the supermarket one of these days.

So we lay about and ate toast and peach conserve (hey, this is real life...no peaches here!) and half heartedly watched the replay of last night's football -West Ham versus Birmingham City - I mean, who gives a shit? Terry was laughing at the cricket scores and I was ignoring him.

Then he suddenly started to read out this article about artificial insemination. I listened for a minute and said:

"Yer wha'?" ('pardon' for those not from Manchester)

"Makes you wonder," he replied cryptically.

"Wonder? About what?" I asked cramming the last slice of papaya before he saw it.

"I must have some active sperm," he muttered.

I choked on my mouthful. "What? You are contemplating giving a sample? Who's the lucky recipient? Or do you want to auction it on the 'net?"

"You, of course." He said absentmindedly and went on flicking through the supplement.

"Me?" I wasn't sure I had heard him right. "Terry, what are you going on about?"

"Having a baby. Just thinking about it. For the future."

"Future? Don't you think we are at the end of our childbearing years already? And don't take that as a yes, mate."

"I've been thinking. After what happened. You implied you would like to be a mother. I quite fancy being a Dad. Get it right this time. Worth thinking about."

"Terry- you can't. You haven't got a low sperm count. You have no sperm count. Zero. Nada. Nihil. Rien. How many languages you need it in? The only place you have sperm is Tecala. Jeez, what a thought!" I contemplated the chances of Alice producing offspring. They'd have to be pretty small.

"That's no use. You'd be infertile there. And I wouldn't take you through the portal again. God knows what effect it would have on you."

"Well, I didn't say impregnate me there. You could take a sample and rush back through." 

He looked at me with that look he has. "What check in the Hilton, order a bluey on the in-house and just have a wank? Bottle it and rush back? Get out the turkey baster. Sounds like real fun."

"Hey, you're the one talking artificial insemination, not me. It was just a thought. And what do you mean God knows what effect it would have on me?'  Have you read my account? Not to mention what happened to Iz and Ann. Don't you fancy fantastic sex and heightened awareness?" I reminded him.

"Thought we had fantastic sex anyway," he sniffed.

"It's better through the portal," I retorted.

"What? You're actually telling me you think Il Duce gave you a better time than I can? And I'm not even going to mention the fucking padre and Captain Hook."

"You just did. And, like it or not, the answer is yes. Sex is different there. Didn't you get a bit when you were there?"

"With Max watching me like a hawk? Get real. And Hando sniffing around her at the same time?"

"No barbarian women gave you a feel?"

He looked at me. "I was working, love. You know I never mix business and pleasure."

"What the fuck was Raggedy Ann then?"

"Don't call her that."

"Raggedy Andy. You've got bigger tits than she has." 

"It's impossible having a serious conversation with you, Uma. You drive me fucking nuts, ya do."

I looked at him as he jumped off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He was really in a bit of a mood. Do men get broody? Was he really wanting to be a Dad? I decided to say nothing for once. He would either get over it or not, depending on how bothered he was; I would soon know.

A couple of days went by and I completely forgot our odd conversation of the weekend. We were driving back from dinner one night and he suddenly said: "Be nice to see Dino again."

"Yeah, suppose so." I replied.

"I mean Jack sees Stephen and the world didn't fucking stop, did it?"

I looked across at him. "Is there a point to this conversation, Terry, 'cos you've lost me."

"I might go back across the portal. Can't do me any harm. Curious really."

"To Tecala? Alice? I thought you only just got out of there with your head intact as it was. You are not going back there without me. Anyway, I don't want you having amplified sexual desire if I'm not around. Not with her sniffing around."

"I'm not taking you across the portal again and definitely nowhere near Alice. Even she doesn't deserve that from you."

"Charming. Anyway you can choose your time frame. Go there now and she would be gone. Ring Dino and get him to join us. We could have a real blast. Quite fancy Dino."

Terry growled at me. "No fucking way. I couldn't cope with you two in the same country at the same time. It would be like dragging two pixies on speed around with me."

"Take someone else then. But do not go alone. Not with the scarecrow on the loose."

Terry pulled up sharply along the side of the road. "Someone else? You want me to take someone else across and have mind-fucking-blowing sex with her? That's very magnanimous of you. I smell a rat. You got something planned with White?"

"NO! Thought you had 'mind-fucking-blowing sex' with her anyway. But I just thought it would be better with someone I trusted than going alone- if you have to go at all."

"But the sperm thing..."

"You aren't still brooding about that, are you? Terry, are you going through some mid-life crisis or something?"

"I had that already," he observed starting up the engine and zooming off into the traffic. We drove in silence for a while.

"If you came with me...would you promise to behave?" He ventured tentatively.

"You want me to come?" I asked, leaning over and stroking his arm. 

"Yeah, I do," he shrugged, almost embarrassed.

"Are you thinking about the sex? Do you think you've missed out on something? Or are you concerned that you might have been superseded in the league tables? 'Cos you haven't. I know the difference between fantasy and reality, you know." I curled up against him and ran my left hand inside his shirt, stroking the hair on his chest, lightly.

He grinned. "I'd kind of like to know how much better it could get. Wouldn't you?"

"Terry, you would become a dangerous weapon. I'm not sure you wouldn't kill me. Believe me, Terry. The portal does weird stuff to you. It isn't just about better sex. Other things happen to your head. Look at Max and even Cort. And think about what happened with our jolly Jack Tar. I mean, if even Jack can become a bit of an animal...Terry, you are not exactly a pussycat as it is. We all have demons inside. Maybe we should just let sleeping dogs lie?"

He hunched his shoulders but I recognised the tilt of his chin. He wasn't setting this one down.

"Terry? Ann told you not to go there. If you won't listen to me, maybe you will think of what she said?"

"Why would I take more notice of her than you?" he asked.

"You just do. I don't know...you think I'm mad. I don't think you regard me as able to make a sensible decision. You're wrong but ..."

"Are you still worried about me and Annie?" I wish I could say no. 

"I think you make a very good couple even if she doesn't always realise it. I ought to be jealous but...frankly, I can't be. Who could blame either of you?"

We had reached the apartment and he pulled into our parking lot. Turning off the engine, he stared at me with his impenetrable look. "Ann and I are friends. Lovers. Like you and Maximus. I thought you understood that."

I opened the car door and swung my legs out. "There is no me and Maximus. That is finished. You and Ann have only just begun." Closing the car door, more forcefully than I had meant to, I walked towards the elevators. Terry gave chase and caught me by the arm.

"Maximus is a fool." He looked at me straight in the eye.

"No. He has learnt the cost of having it all. So have I. I think you are still in need of instruction." I faced him back.

"You don't want me to go? What are you so scared of? What will I learn about myself that you are frightened of?" We entered the lift and rode up to our floor, both pressed against different walls of the elevator.

"Terry...I have no idea. What could be more frightening than that?" I stared at my feet as I spoke.

"If you don't want me to go, I won't. Just say the word." He raised his chin and thrust his hands in his pockets.

"Go. Stay. I cannot make that decision for you. I will not tell you what to do." I saw his wince; he wanted me to take the initiative for once to make it easier for him. He wanted a reason to back down- I should have given it to him.

"It was just an idea. Probably come to nothing," he muttered as the doors opened and I walked towards our apartment.

It was too late for grudging admissions of uncertainty. The idea had been planted in both our minds and, as the days passed, I knew that we were each thinking of it, even though we rarely discussed it.

PART TWO: THE CROSSING

"I found it." Terry rang me one day out of the blue. I thought he was still at Ann's.

"Eureka. What the fuck you found? Lost your dick again, have you?"

"My portal. Pack a case. Get over here before I chicken out."

"Where are you?"

"London."

"Huh?"

"The panoramic lift. Lloyds building. Will you come with me?"

So simple. So obvious.

Against my instincts and better judgement, I was on the midnight flight to Heathrow. Before I left I went online to inform the Sisters and Brothers of my plans; this time I would not steal away like a thief in the night. But I read the message that Terry had left and I couldn't do it. It was not up to me to go behind his back- Terry needed to deal with this in private and I decided to respect his rights.

Now I must say that compared to other trips across the portal we had simply made no real preparations, which is unusual for Terry, Mr Security Officer, for whom a day out at the beach is like a major offensive. But then we were just going back a couple of years and didn't need special clothes or plans on how to conduct ourselves, so I think we went into it too casually.

We just got a taxi from the airport, jumped the lift and waited. He pushed the button for the 26th floor. I flung my arms round his neck, enjoying the view from the glass panels and the feel of the back of his neck. Nothing happened as we shot up so I said: "Maybe it will only work on the way down, like that scene when you had just given your debrief on..."

Bam! We forgot to think different time frame. I felt that familiar fluttering but my vision cleared quite quickly and the next thing we knew, we were exiting the lift and there was Terry in this overcoat with a stupid Bandaid above his right eyebrow. I was a little unsteady on my feet, like I had been on a roundabout too long, but there was none of that throwing up and passing out business of my earlier crossing.

Terry looked at me and I looked at him. "Shit," he muttered.

"God, Terry. Did you buy a new aftershave?" I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to smell him and, if not for the passing crowd, I think I would have attacked his neck like a vampire.

"Just thinking that about you. You smell like...Christ, it's happening. Let's go home. Test out the portal." He dragged my hand and hailed a cab.

"Docklands. Canary Wharf," he said to the cabbie, and we went home to his apartment.

Oh my God! We barely made the front door. He had me pinned up against the wall in the lift until he remembered the 24-hour security cameras and he pulled back, straightening his tie and left me to rearrange the skirt he had hoisted nearly up to my neck.

We strolled down the corridor, he letting on to a neighbour who seemed to want to engage him in a conversation, which he deftly brought to an end. As soon as the neighbour disappeared into his apartment, he dragged on my hand and we literally ran down the rest of the corridor, fumbled with his keys and we fell in, rolled on the floor and...Oh my GOD!

I know I said I would never write about it again but...Oh my GOD!

Terry paused only to shrug off his overcoat while I pushed his jacket off and dragged on the knot of his tie. All the while he was muttering: "Hurry up...Jesus...hurry up..." and raking his hands under my clothes until he ripped my knickers off and fell upon me. I felt him unzip and pull out his dick and he was in me before I could catch my breath.

I groaned as he pushed straight in but I surprised myself; I was so wet, so hot for him that I couldn't get enough. He was like an iron pole- I couldn't believe how hard he was. Now Terry is not exactly what you would call a softie but I honestly thought he was going to screw me into the apartment below. I just clung on and let him have at me. And he did. On and on. Against the wall, over a chair, on the floor, on my back, on my front, legs round his neck, on his shoulders, round his waist...he even had me pinned to the window at one point in full view of the dock below- neither of us gave a tuppenny damn. I've heard of the red mist coming down but this was more like a pea-souper (very thick fog for those of you who don't know the term- ask Jack!).

I ended up begging him to come, unsure whether my heart would withstand another orgasm and in one almighty thunderous torrent, he pumped into me, sweating and moaning insensibly. We tumbled to the floor and just held each other, both dangerously close to hyperventilation. He just kept groaning and muttering; I couldn't even speak.

So there we were, panting and groaning, unable to comprehend what had happened when the telephone rang. Terry dragged himself to his feet and staggered to the phone, trying to fasten his pants and get his arms back into his shirt. I didn't even chance my feet. My legs would have buckled from under me.

"Thorne."

"Now, mate?"

"I just got back!"

"Make it three thirty."

He swore and sat down in an armchair, his head in his hands. "Christ, we have to play this one carefully. I have to make sure I do it just the same..."

"Do what?" I murmured still floating on some higher plateau.

"The film. I have to make sure everything stays the same. Otherwise the ending might be different and....who knows what will happen..."

"Stays the same? You aren't the real Terry. I mean...you are but there is another one who was in the film, isn't there...? oh shit..." It suddenly dawned on me what had happened.

"Exactly, Professor Plum. If we arrive in the same time frame- then I become myself, if you see what I mean. Hence the sudden donning of an overcoat and this band aid- which, by the way, is actually covering up quite a nasty couple of stitches.  And they hurt, especially when you have at me like a mad banshee."

"Hey- you just fucked me red raw, mate! So you have to go through the whole film?"

"Or get the fuck out of here...maybe that would be the best bet," he reasoned.

We looked at each other and he pulled me onto his knee. "Can you stand it for a bit longer? I mean...Jesus, that was fucking amazing! I've not had a hard on like that since I was about fifteen...you know one of those that lasts for hours..."

"Actually, I don't, Terry... but...God, I cannot think straight....you feel so good...it's like...a sort of animal instinct...." He grabbed me by the neck and kissed me hungrily, standing up and bending me back over the dining table. Oh Lord, he was hard again. Terry with Arthur's recovery rate?

"We have to stay at least for a little while.  Stick to the film. We'll just have be savvy." I gasped.

He muttered something crude in reply. He certainly didn't sound like he was being savvy. Then I had an awful thought.

"Hey- you really going to fuck Drizabone?"

"I didn't do her," he mumbled, pulling open my hastily fastened shirt for another go at my knockers.

"You did, they cut the scenes out." I gasped, unzipping him; his cock almost jumped into my hand.

"If they weren't in the film..." he nuzzled on my tit.

"Don't you fucking dare, Terry. I mean do her..."

"I won't," he shivered and pulled away. "I really won't. But I've got to go out. Meet Ian. He has to tell me about Tecala."

"You can't leave now! They'll arrest you walking around with that in your pants. Come on...quick one... Terry! I didn't mean that quick!" as he threw me back on the table and my skirt was once again up to my neck. But his next move shut me up. All I could say was "Ohhh! YES!" and make other untranslatable groans.  Quick isn't always disappointing.

He eased himself away and gently helped me off the granite-topped table. I must say I have had softer beds than that before.

"Right. Shower, shave and back to town. Meet Ian... where the fuck was it?"

"Luc's. Off Regent Street not far from Carnaby Street."

"Fuck- this is mental. Not sure I remember the script," Terry worried as we took a quick shower and I went through his paces with him. I didn't go near his loins; not sure I trusted him - or myself.

"Don't worry. I know it off by heart. I'll be your continuity girl," I giggled. He looked at me with a withering glance. Poor Terry. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Wasn't this going to be fun?

So we went to Tecala. Still suffering from jet lag, we made the nine o'clock flight. I was all excited about the mile high club and for once Terry didn't pull his 'I've just sucked on a lemon' look. In fact it was he who mentioned it. However I had a couple of glasses of champagne and slept the whole way over. Jet lagged, shagged out and piddled. Terry had to amuse himself with a few films- but I'll bet he dropped off too. You know what he's like.

It was so weird - completely unlike when I went to Rome. Tecala was incredibly familiar and completely different all at the same time. Same chaos at the airport, same hotel. Terry sat me down on an armchair while he checked in and made eyes at the receptionist, but then dragged me off upstairs to the room. My God, it was THE room. I went dashing around going "OH MY GOD!" and he just looked with that 'What the fuck did you expect?' face on. He seemed grumpy; I put it down to tiredness. He stood by the window looking thoughtful while I had a shower and unpacked. I found him messing with his laptop and reading up on Peter Bowman. For once he seemed distracted and not interested in my body. I recognised the signs: Terry at work. He is so different. Goes into Captain Thorne mode and you could torture him by nibbling on his nipples or sucking on his dick and he still won't respond. Drives me fucking bonkers in that 'holier than thou' mood. But it doesn't half make me horny. I love a good challenge.

I decided to ignore him as being the best way of getting his attention and went to bed with Jack...well, to be exact I went to bed with The Reverse of the Medal...I, of course, haven't yet had the actual pleasure. But I will. Soon, I hope. I was deep into Jack's delight at how the squeakers had turned out when Terry came in wearing only a towel and threw himself down on the bed, lying staring at the ceiling.

"Want to talk?" I offered.

"No."

"Want to read?"

"No."

"Want me to read you this really funny bit about Jack and the squeakers?"

He looked across at me, growled, threw off the towel and got into bed. I thought 'here it comes' but it didn't. He simply rolled over and appeared to fall asleep. I discarded Jack (sorry, Jack!) and shimmied across the enormous bed to spoon up to him, slipping my right hand round his hip and having a little explore round the front but he was asleep- all of him was! Poor baby. I suppose all that earlier activity was taking its toll. But he had been a little odd that evening. Not quite himself. Rather morose and moody. I should have picked up on the warning signs but I expect the portal blinds us all. Even vets like me who ought to have been attuned to the curious phenomena of the men you know very well behaving in unusual ways, was confused by its strange effect.

Next morning, Terry was up, showered and shaved before I even emerged from the bed covers. He was on the phone talking to someone when I sat up and seemed extremely business-like. I listened for a while and then got out of bed to slip my arms around his neck. He shrugged me away and put his finger on his lips, carrying on talking. Pulling on a dressing gown, I read the newspaper and waited for him to finish.

"OK. I'm off. I have things to do. I'll be late." Terry made his way to the door.

"That it? No kiss?" I pouted. Terry walked back and kissed me.

"Behave. Have a look around and don't go anywhere dangerous. Get some sun. Lie around the pool. Get your nails done. Whatever." And he picked up his briefcase and left. I frowned. Something was amiss. Wish I could put my finger on it.

But I was determined to enjoy myself. I had a very interesting day. Took a taxi and drove around the city, stopping off at the central square to visit the cathedral, the Museo and other tourist attractions. It was late afternoon when I returned, hit the pool and finished off my Jack. No Terry. I tried his phone. He answered it brusquely.

"Thorne."

"Terry? Are you coming back for dinner?"

"No. Mrs. Bowman is cooking," he lowered his voice. "You know the fuckin' score." And then hung up.

"I love you too," I mouthed and then got ready for dinner and ate on my lonesome. I sat in the bar for a while listening to the Colombian band playing and then returned to our room. It was after ten when Terry returned. He came in quietly; I was watching a film in the lounge. As soon as the door opened, I darted up and threw my arms around him; he swung me round, muttering, "What a fucking day."

Resting my feet down, he kissed me and I wondered what on earth I had been so uneasy about. The poor guy had a nightmare to relive all over again and I was not making it any easier. I made a vow to be as accommodating as I could. This time Terry was getting no problems from me whatsoever.

"Oh, baby," he whispered and he slipped his hand beneath the sleep shorts I was wearing. "I want you. Christ, I want you so bad." Terry pulled me to the bathroom and flipped on the shower, ripping his clothes off and throwing them out of the door. He picked me up and simply carried me, pjs and all into the large shower cubicle. Inside, there was a seat and he sat me on it, peeling off my wet clothes and then soaking himself under the hot jets, throwing back his head and rinsing his hair, running his hands through it. I sat on the marble slab, legs swinging and enjoying the sight of a naked, wet, semi- erect Terry. Falling to my knees as he washed himself I nuzzled against his groin, burying my face against his luxuriant hair. He smelt of shower gel and man; my favourite Terry smells. It felt like the aroma was permeating my pores and seeping into my skin. I wanted to bathe myself in his essence.

Delicately easing back his skin, I took his cock in my mouth, enjoying the semi-soft sensation and biting lightly against it; it sprung back harder in response. He held my head and I felt him brush back my wet hair from my face so that he could watch what I was doing. Terry always likes to watch. I glanced up at him but his eyes were closed; I was slightly surprised at that. With my tongue flicking around his length and my hands cradling his balls, I tried to take him as far down as I could, remembering all I had been taught. Actually Jeff knows a thing or two.

He groaned as I swallowed him as far as I could and he began to judder against my mouth, forcing himself further down still. It was a little too fast for me, not really like Terry to be so rough and I tried to shake his hands from their tight hold on my head to tell him to ease off...when suddenly I heard him tense and grunt and he shot his load right down my throat. I gagged and he let me go; I slumped back against the marble bench, coughing and spluttering.

Terry knelt down and put his hands on my shoulders. "Sorry, love, I just couldn't help that. You know how it is. Must be tired." He stood up and proceeded to soap himself as if I hadn't nearly choked to death. I should have bitten it in half.

I stormed off and wrapped a towel around myself, while he finished his ablutions and then poured himself a Scotch. He drank it down, put on a clean shirt and shorts and got dressed again. Then he started messing with a fresh Bandaid.

"Here, let me do that..." I muttered and had a look at the scar. It was quite nasty, I replaced the plaster. "Where are you off to?"

"Going out for a drink. Gotta meet Dino and Wyatt remember?"

"Great, I'll get dressed and come too,"

"NO! Get an early night. Don't wait up." He picked up the key card and walked off leaving me gasping. He had just come back, had a blow job and gone out drinking with the lads? What was I, the free clit that came with the room?

I fumed for ages, swilling down a bottle of vino from the bar fridge- I hope it cost the bloody earth- and tried to calm down both my temper and my raging ardour. He hadn't even asked if I needed a bit of TLC? What was the matter with him? I have never known Terry to come before making sure my needs were well taken care of... he prides himself on it.

I flicked on the TV and sat for about fifteen seconds and then I jumped up. I searched for some fags and found an old battered packet in one of his jacket pockets. I lit up, took two drags and then stubbed it out. You know that feeling? When you are so horny that you feel like you will explode? I sat on the edge of the bed and crossed my legs- my knee was beating a tattoo. I had to grab hold of it to stop it shaking.

For the next hour or so, I paced around like a caged tigress. If Terry had walked back in he would have been mincemeat. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do more - kill him or screw his brains out. Perhaps the other way round would be better. Finally I collapsed on the bed and had a tantrum. I just kicked my legs and banged my arms on the pillows as hard as I could and screamed. You know - it really doesn't help! I still had a queen-sized itch which definitely required scratching.

Only one thing for it. Needs must when the devil drives. Where the fuck was my little SID when I needed it? Hadn't expected to require that in Wonderland. So I closed my eyes and reverted to the old hand job. But I didn't think about Terry. I thought about the person he would most not like me to think about. My God, I have a good imagination...do you think even that is better across the portal, too?

I must have fallen asleep eventually; I didn't hear him come in. My next conscious memory was the phone ringing at some ungodly hour and Terry waking with a start to pick it up. He listened rubbing his eyes and then swore, slamming the receiver down forcefully.

"What is it?" I murmured. 

"Octanal and Quad Carbon - remember. Get packed- we are checking out."

I have to say I was quite relieved. It wasn't shaping up at all the way that I had hoped. Best thing all round. We fly back, have a bit of nookie in his apartment and then jump the portal on the way back to Lloyd's before he resigns or whatever the fuck he did.

Terry seemed to be thinking along the same lines because he was in such a hurry to get out that he wouldn't even let us have breakfast- he said we could get it at the airport. As we approached the cashier to check out, he suddenly had a double take and said, "Here...take this cash and jump a taxi. I'll meet you at check in."

"What?" I asked bemused.

"Alice. Any minute. Now get!"

For a moment I thought of hanging about and giving him a bloody coronary but I remembered my vow. This was Terry. He did not deserve my shenanigans. So I shrugged, asked a bellboy to help me with my luggage and went to the taxi rank. As I bustled out, I almost knocked her over. Alice just strode in with that stupid walk she has- you know, like her hips need replacing?- and she stormed over to where Terry was paying the bill.

I stared and watched his clearly embarrassed performance but my little show was interrupted by "Senora? Your taxi?" And I found myself shunted away, loaded into a taxi and shooting off to the airport, staring out of the back window as they came out of the hotel, arguing. That bloody cow was giving my Terry a hard time? I would like to slap her whinging little face.

"Give me two minutes then follow me in," I giggled and slipped down the aisle to the toilet. 

Two minutes and he was there. Opened the door quick and in he came, securing the lock behind him. First class loos are bigger than economy but we are not talking palatial here. But then as we intended to get up close and personal, space was not required. Terry pulled at his tie and shrugged off his jacket, I wriggled out of my jersey pants and top.

But first. "Hey...you owe me one, mate!" I insisted.

Terry grinned. "I know. Sorry about last night. Don't know what came over me. Hop up on the top there....yeah, that's right. Do you know you are wearing too many clothes? Couldn't you have worn a thong?" He appraised my perfectly respectable lace knickers with disdain.

"You ever flown a twelve hour flight wearing a thong, mate? Comfort is the most important thing. Don't like these, let's take them off then..." And I did.

Terry knelt down and ran his hands down my body. I tell you that man's hands are something else. I love the feel of their meaty strength and the delicacy of touch so unexpected in them. He pressed his face against my breasts and licked at them through the lacy covering. "Should I take this off?" I whispered.

He shook his head. "I like you like this. Christ, I love your cunt..." Terry was off and I just brushed his thick hair with my hands as he kissed a trail down my belly, thrusting his tongue into my navel and sucking on the little ring of flesh surrounding it. I have an innie. He reckons it looks like a neat little bullet hole. Just thought I'd mention that- I do love to describe things clearly, folks.

Looping my legs over his shoulders, Terry ran his fingers through my soft hair and parted my skin to open me out to gaze. He murmured his approval and nuzzled against me, his nose against my hair and his breath heavy on my clitoris. I whimpered at the warmth of his closeness. "Terry, touch me....baby, touch me..."

"You smell like sex," he whispered, rather unnecessarily or so I thought. I was oozing by then - what did he expect?- but I guess it was how you feel when you are across the portal, 36,000 feet above the ground and have the most exquisite man you have ever known lapping at your open sex? I put my feet against his shoulders for support and he flickered his tongue along my slit, licking along the outer flesh on either side, making me twitch to feel him on my inner lips. He knows me like he knows himself; I suspect he knows all women in such a way.

As I squirmed to try to ease myself into the path of his roving tongue, he placed the palms of his hands on the inside of my thighs and applied just enough pressure to open me even wider. I was beginning to breathe erratically and he heard the change; one lazy lick along my centre and he thrust his tongue inside me; I think they must have heard my scream at ground control. A stewardess knocked on the door and inquired if I was all right. Terry snorted as I assured her that I was.

"Please, Terry, don't tease me any more, please, dear God, make me come....Terry...oh God...Terry..."

I continued in that meaningless way you speak when your brain is disengaged from your body and your body starts muttering for itself. He obliged and nibbled at my clitoris; I think I jumped. From that moment he settled down to flicker with his consummate ability sensing what and where I needed him to go, recognising that instant when I lost my mind and hit the height. Standing above me as I held onto him and sobbed into his chest, he opened his pants and held his cock against me. Just the hint of his flesh made me shudder and the scent of his maleness caused my head to spin, an orgasm of sheer cerebral pleasure; the knowledge of what had been and was to come.

Gently, his hands around my waist, he eased himself inside, whispering to me as he moved his hips sweetly to give us both maximum sensation and a smooth passage. When he was deep inside, he pulled me against him and began to dance the dance, thrusting and grinding, in and out, long, full strokes so we could watch each other as we came together and parted. I raised my eyes from the sight of our joining and caught his expression; it is like nothing else I have ever seen- intense concentration, pure delight. Only Terry looks like that.

"I love you," I blurted out as he whispered something in my ear. What did he say? Leave me some mysteries. With a stifled cry, his hand across my mouth, his own lips buried in my hair, we came, hovering somewhere high above the world, high above ourselves.

"This is why we crossed the portal," he murmured and we held each other close, hearts beating in a synchronicity.

Moments later, clothes restored and on my best behaviour, I slipped out of the bathroom; Terry followed seconds later. The stewardess was waiting for him. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?" she asked knowingly.

Terry grinned. "Got any glucose?"

I curled up across the narrow aisle and watched him as he booted up his laptop and began to work on something. He smiled over at me but I noticed that distracted look was back. It stayed in my mind as I fell asleep.

London- a breezy Spring morning. Terry put me in a taxi home with the luggage and went to Luthan. He was back at lunchtime, showered and changed- he had a lunch appointment. I helped to straighten his tie and realised it was a regimental one, very formal wear.

"What gives, Terry?" I asked.

"I have a PR lunch; launch on the Thames," he replied as if I didn't remember the story myself.

"I thought we were going back," I reminded him.

"Tomorrow. I have to play this out- just one more night..." and he left.

He returned early evening and looked a wreck. His tie was loosened and his hair was awry; he had that bright-eyed look that told me he had been drinking. I watched him as he went straight for the malt and said nothing. Even I wasn't sure what had happened after the lunch- the film is a bit vague about that one.

"Well?" I said, slipping beside him on the couch and kneading his back muscles in my hand; he sighed but said nothing.

"Terry? What happened?"

"I quit."

"Yeah, I guessed as much. How? What did you say?"

He shrugged. "Not much."

"Huh?"

"I slugged Havery. Threw a glass of champers in Luthan's face. Christ, I really lost it, Uma! But I had a blast. I couldn't resist doing it again. Forgotten how much I enjoyed it the first time."

I stared at him. Terry lose it? He hadn't ever really lost his temper with me, despite how hard I had pushed him to it. Lost it that bad over Alice?

"In the morning, we'll go back, Terry. This is getting a bit too heavy."

"NO! I finish this. I'm too far in. In the morning we fly back. Now let's get some sleep."

"But, Terry..."

"Shut up. You be ready in the morning - or stay here until I get back. Your choice." At that he jumped up and went upstairs leaving me open-mouthed with shock. Terry had never spoken to me like that before. I really wanted to get him out of there. But exactly how do you shift Terry Thorne when his mind is made up about something? Intractable is his middle name. I think I'd rather take on Hando.

PART THREE: THE FUN AND GAMES

So we returned to Tecala. The next week was pretty grim. Terry spent almost every day with his client and I wandered around and amused myself. He would arrive back late and leave early. I ate most meals alone.  However it was clear that Terry was having fun.

First there was the night after we arrived when he stayed out all night. That was when they got rid of the goons who were handling the so-called POL down payment. When he finally emerged the following day he was full of that and pounced on me pretty sharpish. I have to say I resented the fact that it was either the bit of action with some heavies and walking around with a gun holster all day that gave him a hard on, or, perish the thought, canoodling in the pantry with Mrs. Wimpydrawers that brought it on. Leastways he got what he wanted and I had a rather spectacular orgasm. Anger can also make you horny, so I discovered.

The day of the bomb blasts he called me from a car; I think he was coming from the Embassy.

"Where are you?"

"I went to see the Virgin. It's the big statue up the mountain."

"There's been a series of blasts. Get back and ...wait in the lobby. I'll catch you later."

I caught a taxi- the traffic was horrendous and I passed ambulances and fire services hurrying to the scenes of the tragedies.

Reaching the hotel, I sat in the lounge and then decided I had had enough. So what  exactly would they do if I walked in at the same time as Mrs Bowman and Janis emoted over the state of Peter's feet?  I jumped the lift and rode it to our suite. As I stepped out of the elevator, Terry was standing watching the other one close.

"Shit! I said wait in the lobby!" He shouted at me.

"I am not a part of the furniture, Terry. Give me a break," I retorted.

"No, you could never blend into any background, could you? Just once I ask you to cooperate and you do your best to let me down," and he stepped into the elevator that I had exited and disappeared. He didn't return until late that night and had little to say to me when he did. Things were getting from bad to worse.

I watched him dress that next morning and I recognised the clothes. Grey pants, blue and white checked shirt, navy jacket. He didn't shave, wearing a light stubble, looking so fit that it was all I could do to keep my hands off him. But something told me that I'd better keep a low profile.

 "I'm going to the airport and then back to Alice's. We should have a contact tonight."

It was Sunday night and I was uneasier than ever. About eight, I scribbled a note on the pad and went down to the hotel bar. I just wanted to see people. I was beginning to feel like I was in solitary confinement. Taking a stool at the bar, I ordered a Margarita and lit a cigarette, staring at the bottles behind the counter, lost in thought.

"Hola, senorita, que pasa?" I spun round and found myself looking straight at Dino. It took me so long to regain my wits that he carried on babbling in Spanish as if I understood fluently. Finally I found my tongue.

"I'm not Tecalan," I stammered out.

"Hey, you American?"

"British."

"Brit? What is a little lady like you doing in this particular hell hole?" he teased brightly.

"Wondering that myself. Hi, I'm Uma and I'm not looking for a pick up," I warned.

"Dino and I am," he grinned and extended his hand. We both shook warmly. "Freshen your drink?"

I nodded. He called the waiter and sat down next to me. "You on holiday?"

"No. My...I'm with my partner. He's working here on a contract," I tried to be as vague as I could.

"Partner? You mean significant other or business?"

"The former."

"Pity. Where is the lucky guy?" Dino smiled sweetly with his eyes dancing. He is quite infectiously charming, especially when you have spent the past week with The Invisible Man.

I hunched my shoulders. "With the client."

"Sunday night?"

"The client is a cute blonde," I retorted sharply. Dino blew out and raised his eyes.

"Must be something about this place," he observed. "A good friend of mine is letting a similar little lady lead him by the nose. Or by some other part of his anatomy," Dino went on, "a really sound guy. Don't know what the fuck's the matter with him. The woman is trouble, married, and he is falling for the line she's spinning him." He sat staring at his beer. I gulped down my Margarita and tried to act complacent. Was that the problem? Was Terry really falling for Alice again? If that really was the case then, against all odds, even with his advance knowledge, I was in the middle of the worst nightmare possible. The jaunt to Rome would be as nothing compared to this. Was I going to lose Terry to the enemy? Explain that to the Sisters, Uma.

"You like to dance?" Dino broke through my musings and I raised my hand to refuse the offer. Just then my phone rang.

"You eaten?" Terry.

"No."

"Get something, I'll be late. Alice is upset." He didn't wait for my response (which suggested he hadn't completely lost his marbles) and I slammed the phone closed.

"Your guy?" Dino inquired.

I nodded.

"Let's have a dance. You can tell me more about yourself and lover boy. I have a very good shoulder here, honey..."

This time I took him up on his offer and we danced for a while. He is one fun guy.  I was pretty pissed off by Terry in general and cannot pretend that half of what happened wasn't as a result of that. You know how you find yourself saying, "See how you bloody like it, mate." But Dino isn't really the right kind of guy to play games with. For a start he's an operator and he is also extremely good company. We clicked on a number of levels. When I have a few drinks and start laughing, I can be a complete loose cannon- don't supposed anyone realised that, did you?

So we drank and danced and discovered a few shared passions (mind your own business!) But he is a good kisser. I will admit that much - but nothing else. I was not that far gone. Then we decided to have some dinner and he took me to a restaurant where we had some kind of South American barbecue served by waiters with skewers full of meat. A few more glasses of vino and I was feeling even more mellow.

"So this guy of yours, what's his field?" Dino asked.

"Er...we are making a film. A sort of documentary."

Dino nodded suitably impressed. I realised that I would have to pretend I didn't know what he did for a living."

"And you? What do you do here?" I asked politely.

"I'm here to negotiate the ransom for a kidnapped expatriate. Guy called Colletri with the World Bank here. Maybe you read about it in the newspapers?" He said with a hint of pride. Wyatt was right. He was very pleased with himself.

"Wow! Sounds really cool. You some kind of police man then? FBI? CIA?"

He grinned. "No, baby. Think they'd have me? No, I work for the insurers."

"Will you be here long?" I ventured.

"Could be months. This work can be a bummer at times. Hanging about getting nowhere."

"Doesn't sound quite so exciting put like that," I added.

"It has its moments. You want some more beef?" He asked as yet another skewer of sirloin was carried round. I giggled.

"What's so funny?" Dino asked.

"I was just thinking who I'd like to skewer and grill over hot coals for a while," I replied.

He snorted. "Baby, I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you. However the right side...now that sounds very appealing..."

I saw we were moving into dangerous territory. Contrary to popular opinion (are you reading Hando?) I do not put out to every man I meet and the very idea of mucking about with Terry's best mate was definitely not on the cards.

"Look, Dino, I've had a great time but I can't pretend that this is a prelude to anything. It isn't. I'm with someone and...you know how it is. I'm just not that kind of girl."

Dino smiled. "I never thought you were. But strikes me he's that kind of guy. Look honey, let's have another dance and I'll walk you home. No strings. There are still some gentlemen left in this world." I returned his smile but was hardly convinced by the patter. Dino was a class act and he knew, as well as Terry, that nothing works so well in your favour as to act the White Knight. Plus Terry had told me stories about Dino that would make your hair curl. I always wonder where Terry was when these legendary feats of serial shagging took place. Can't believe he was tucked up getting his beauty sleep somehow.

But, true to his word, Dino walked me back to the Hilton and deposited me in the foyer, gave me a warm but hardly improper kiss and wished me a good night's sleep. As he turned to walk away, he suddenly spun round as if in an afterthought. "Do this again sometime, soon?"

I thought and worked it out. "Next Sunday at 7.30. Pick me up here in the foyer. I know I will be free. See you then?"

"Oh yeah...I will be here. Hasta luego, senorita. Buenas noches," he kissed my right hand and gave me a little bow. Woo baby, did that feel good!

The next week dragged in much the same way as the first, with Terry constantly finding excuses to be with Alice. The woman even seemed to need his help going to the market. Nothing concrete could take place until Sunday and he merely had to make a few contacts and see some people. But naturally Mrs. Bowman needed moral support and Mrs Bowman's sister had left so Mrs. Bowman was on her own and she was a little low and needed someone to talk to....know what I mean?

"Whereas I just like talking to the four fucking walls," I observed tetchily.

"Uma, her husband's missing," he stated tersely.

"So's mine. But he's been kidnapped by a skinny bint with no tits..." I knew the minute I said it but it was too late. He just walked out. He didn't even shout at me. A few hours later he returned and seemed quite contrite.

"Uma, is that what you think? That I am really doing a number with her? Jesus, I'm just trying to get through this. She is really helpless, ya know. The film doesn't show you half of it. She's like a little child lost in a forest...I can't just leave her like that."

I bit back the millions of retorts I could have made. Terry is just like that. When someone (preferably female) pushes the big button on his heart, he just rolls over and gives them all he's got. That's why I love him so. He is kind of the male equivalent of a St Bernard dog. But it isn't a barrel of brandy he carries around with him. I sat on his knee and ruffled up his hair and we got a little personal right there on the lounge settee.  As we were fooling around, he suddenly started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Talking to Dino today. Think he's met someone. He was very cagey about it but seems he's got a date on Sunday with some woman."

I swallowed hard. "Really? Did he say anything about her?"

Terry shook his head. "Not a word. Usually Dino tells you things you would rather not know about his many and varied encounters with the opposite sex but this one sounds different."

"Different?" I dared.

"Yeah...well he hasn't fucked her for sure and this is the second date- must be a first for Dino. He also seems to think she's something of a lady with a husband or boyfriend who treats her bad. Can you believe Dino falling for that number? Not his usual choice of bed mate. We shall see. Maybe Dino will fall in love. That didn't happen in the film, did it?  But then, we don't know what he's up to half of the time... it makes a great side story. Ya reckon they cut that out?" he observed and returned to his perusal of the contents of the front of my dress. I said nothing but my mind was racing "Oh dear," I thought to myself, "what have I done now?"

I am sure you are all sitting there saying to yourselves...DON'T GO ON THE DATE! I thought of that much myself. But, I just hate standing guys up. I never do it...well, rarely...not since that awful bloke who chatted me up on a train and then...God, you don't need to know about that, do you? So, after a great deal of deliberation, I decided to dress plainly and tell him straight out that I couldn't go out to dinner with him. It would be the decent thing to do.

So, I wore a simple black dress, round neck, no sleeves, Jackie O sort of style, and a pair of low-heeled kitten slippers. I brushed my hair but didn't do anything special with it and made up lightly. Looking at myself in the long mirror, I knew that Terry would have pulled a face and said something like "What is it, Parents' Evening?" I reckoned that would give Dino the message.

He was prompt; on the dot of seven thirty, he came through the entrance of the hotel and I sat primly on one of their over-upholstered armchairs watching him cross the foyer. He recognised me immediately and walked over with a huge grin on his face, making a kind of side step as he saw me. He's a good dancer; I suddenly got a Fred Astaire kind of impression of him whereas I always think of Terry as more of Gene Kelly.

"Good evening, Ma'am," he announced with a nod and I rose to greet him. I felt him appraise me and realised I had got it wrong. He thought I was a lady (well, actually I am. Honest.) Dressing like Jackie O was part of the image. And anyway, you know men. When they have that look in their eyes and that spring in their step, you could wear a black bin bag and curlers and they wouldn't be put off. I smiled nervously at him.

"Where to? You got any ideas or do you want me to choose?" I heard Dino say.

"Can we just have a drink here first? I want to talk to you," I replied.

He sat down, we ordered cocktails and I began.

"I don't think I can go out with you tonight, Dino. Things have changed a bit since last week. T...the guy I told you about? My boyfriend...we have sort of patched things up and ...I can't see another man in those circumstances. It's not fair on either of you."

Dino gave a rueful grin. "Where is he now?"

I played with my hair. "With the client."

He gave me a knowing glance. "I'm only taking you to dinner- what do you reckon he's doing right now?"

I knew what he was doing. Talking on the radio to Marco. But...well, he wouldn't need all night to do that, would he? There would be plenty of soulful ogling each other and worming out of confidences. But I shrugged.

"Dinner, means dinner. You have to eat. I promise to be the perfect host. But I would like to spend the evening with you. Is there anything wrong with that?"

What can you say? I went. He took me to an absolutely class restaurant at the Sheraton and wined and dined me in a way, I realised, that I hadn't been treated for a long time. Terry used to always do that in the early days. We had sampled all the best cuisine in Singapore, KL, London...money no object, dressed up to the nines - the whole works. When does that start to fall off in a relationship? When do you start spending your evenings in front of the TV with a pizza and a couple of cans of beer? I knew it was just the glamour after a long lay off, but I had a genuinely good time. Dino is intelligent, funny and irrepressible. Before long we were laughing hysterically and the distance between us was narrowing. When he asked me to dance to the Latin American band, I accepted and we hit the floor.

I have to admit that I discovered something new about the portal that evening. Here we were imagining that the incredible effect on our senses was the result of the combination of being in that magical unreality with a Brother for whom you already have a deep abiding passion. Not so. Ann came closest to the understanding of it when she spoke of the smell of the men aboard. Although it was ripe, as only unwashed historical bodies can be, there was another sense that she could almost inhale the maleness of hundreds of men in close proximity; it was part of what was driving her arousal.

Ditto. I danced with Dino and as the night wore on our casual fooling around began to take on a different edge. The music was largely Latin American and the rhythms encouraged us to get closer. It was not long before we were pressed together dirty dancing: merengue, samba and tango. I could feel my breathing changing and a rise in my temperature. A flush spread down my cheeks and travelled on to my breasts as I leaned against him. It became a little difficult to think clearly as my head became full of his scent: his cologne was not a fragrance I have ever smelt on Terry who prefers lighter, fresher aftershaves like Davidoff's Cool Water. This was headier, stronger, more spicy- or was it something else? Was I being lured by his masculinity; pheromones converted to a French cologne pour homme by my confused reasoning?

It was only sometime later, nuzzling up close to him as the hypnotic rhythms gave way to something slower and more sensuous, did I realise how deep in I had found myself. It was late, I was heady with good food, wine and dancing cheek to cheek with a man who knew the moves. Like it or not, I had led him on and I could tell by the way he was holding me that we were heading for a more intimate setting.

He seemed equally intoxicated and the way he was leaning in on me, the possessive quality of his kisses, the murmured suggestions in my ear, told me that if I didn't act now  I would do something far more foolhardy than had ever happened with Maximus. What could I do to extricate myself? Gathering my woolly thoughts I tried to imagine what Terry would do if he was in a potentially dangerous situation with a member of the opposite sex. No- that, won't do! He would root it and move on- he's a man. What do women do? Ah yes - Panic!

"Dino? I just need to go to the loo. I won't be long..." And I went. I mean I went home. Slipped out of the hotel, took a cab and ran off. It was midnight and I sat back in the taxi and felt like a complete heel. It was then that I realised that I had left my wrap on the arm of the chair. It was a beautiful Thai silk one that Terry had bought me in Bangkok. I hated to think that I had been so negligent with a gift that had meant so much to me.

Terry was back when I returned to the room.

"Where have you been?" he snapped.

"Just went for dinner with some friends I met," I replied with my fingers crossed behind my back.

"I've been here for hours. Why didn't you take your phone?" he barked.

"Look, Terry, I have spent night after night on my own in this room. For once you have found out what it's like. Please don't go mental at me. I'm sorry. I forgot my phone..."

He held his hands up. "I'm sorry too. I was just worried and this fucking case. We are just going round in fucking circles..."

I came over and sat on his knee. "Let's go to bed and remember why we came here. I just want to be close to you. I knew you were back. It was really weird. I was in the lift coming up to the suite and I sensed you were near. It felt like you were a caged lion, pacing up and down. I can't describe it. You are in my head, my senses are awash with you, you make me...."

I'm surprised he let me say that much. I think he had been sitting there, all fired up, waiting for me for hours and he simply fell upon me like a man who had been starving. I'm sure it might have frightened me with anyone else or anywhere else but my disturbed reasoning made of it an awesome assault, like as if I had offered myself on some primitive altar and my body was the scene of an atavistic ritual. My head pounded a sound like native drum beats- it must have been the throbbing of my blood, and my ears were filled with the deep groans he uttered, an orgiastic mantra, while he ploughed my body like a fertile ground.

Somewhere in the back of my mind though, a disturbing thought was lingering. Was my wild abandon as much the result of an unfulfilled encounter with another man as was his devastating lust spurred on by a proximity to Alice that he was struggling to control? I wonder who was in our heads as we writhed and moaned in tidal waves of passion- I would be surprised if either would have acknowledged the true contents of our heads.

Much later, deep in the night, both still wired from the electric storm that had shot through us, we lay talking quietly in the huge bed.

"Terry, I know you want to see this through but...can we move it on? Surely we don't have to be here months. If you can control the time frame then...I was just thinking. If we think of a date in the future as we go to sleep, then maybe we will wake up at that point. It's worth a try." I rolled over and lay on his chest. He was thinking deeply.

"What date?"

"I know that on day 110 she signs the documents to enable the transfer of funds. Remember when the lights go out..."

"Yeah...I remember. We have already decided on the $650,000."

"That's it. The story is coming to a close. Let's shoot for that, should we?"

"OK, baby. Anything. Just get this nightmare over. You've been so patient with me. You know I appreciate that, don't you?"

"I think you just showed me how much, sweetie. Several times!" I wriggled closer into his body and we let ourselves fall into sleep. I heard him mutter... "Day 110"...

PART FOUR: THE SCENE

I woke up with a start. Everything seemed much the same. Terry was lying flat out on his back, snoring - I kicked him and he shut up, rolling over to grab me in his arms. I slithered away and he settled back, clearly exhausted. Padding over to the door, wrapping the towelling robe around my nakedness, I stopped to grab a handful of tissues and mop myself up. Bloody hell...he must have shot up gallons of the stuff, I thought as I wedged the clump between my thighs and wiggled to pick up the morning paper.

With a shock I noted the date. My God! Almost four weeks had passed. We had done it! Day 110. Bingo!

"Terry! We did it! Wake up!" I flung myself back to bed with the newspaper and he stirred with a groan.

"Go 'way," he murmured and tried to put the pillow over his head.

"No! Listen. It is Day 110. You better get showered and shaved. You have a busy day ahead! Go, go, go!!"

He pulled himself sluggishly from the bed and looked at me with a strange expression on his face.

"What's the matter?" I asked. He shook his head and went into the bathroom. 

I amused myself that day, not expecting to see much of Terry and ended up in the hotel Internet room, amusing myself on the past history of Crowe sites- this was way before my time, of course. Suddenly the lights went out- total power failure throughout the city and for moments we sat on in the stifling darkness until the hotel's own generator kicked in. That started me thinking. What had I been about! I should have made sure he went back after THE SCENE! No wonder he had looked askance at me that morning. I must have been mad.

I walked across the hotel foyer still contemplating my foolish oversight when I stopped dead. Coming though the swing doors were Terry and Dino. Fortunately they were deep in conversation and turned in towards the hotel bar, but I ducked behind a column and hid. At first I thought about going up to our suite but then I realised Terry might just take Dino there, so I went over to the coffee bar and found a perch from where I could watch the bar. With a cappuccino and a book, I took up my stakeout position.

Of course, my mistake was the book. Once I get reading I lose track of time and place. Several chapters on in 'The Letter of Marque', I was disturbed by:

"Well, well, well...if it isn't my old friend, Cinderella. Methinks the handsome prince still has something of yours..." Dino was standing there. I scanned the background and caught a glimpse of Terry disappearing into an elevator. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, Dino...I am so sorry..."

"What the hell happened? Cold feet?"

I looked down and played with the remains of my cappuccino. "I didn't know what to do..."

"You could have just said, thanks but no thanks."

"I had tried that already. The trouble is...Dino, I do fancy you. If I'd stayed a moment longer I would have done something I regretted. This was not about you. Please understand that..."

He smiled. "I do. Not many women have that sense of loyalty these days. He's a lucky bastard. Hope he knows it. Sayonara, honey. Maybe some other time?"

He is such a nice guy. I felt like a total bitch. 

Two days later was Sunday evening and my Lord and Master was off to make his call in. This time I stayed in the hotel room. Terry was back earlier than I expected and he was mad, really mad.

"Fucking bastard. No show. What the fuck has happened?"

"You know what has happened, Terry. Bowman had escaped with Kessler. Marco doesn't know where he is."

"Yeah , right....yeah , of course. Christ, Alice is a wreck. She thinks something's happened. She thinks Peter's dead."

"Well, he isn't. Terry, sort your head out. What is happening? You seem all mixed up..."

He groaned and sat down on the bed. "I keep losing it, Uma. It's like I'm getting sucked in. When I'm with her...I forget...when I'm with you, I start to remember..."

"Forget what? The script? Or who you want to be with?" I whispered.

He shot me a look but I could see it in his eyes. For all his formidable skills, his eyes are his weakness- they are the windows to his soul and I could see that my words had struck a chord. He did not know what he wanted.

"Is it Alice? I never understood why she affected you as she did. I mean, she is lovely and needy but...you have met many such women. But then I'm a woman. I suppose I can't see what a man sees when he looks at another woman. Was she really that important to you? Did you love her so much?"

He swallowed deeply and looked away from me. "I don't know. Maybe it is her. Maybe it's being needed again. This is what I do and ...Uma, I don't know if I want to go back even when this is over. Can you understand that?"

With a crushing sense of déjà vu, I realised the inevitable consequence of the portal. Maximus, Cort, Jack...they had all said much the same. They had been across for a short time...Terry had been here months, even if we had moved time on. That means he had absorbed the effects to a greater extent, but yet I seemed curiously unaffected by it. Or was I affected?  I thought I was being very sensible and measured in my response to his unpredictable behaviour but, on the other hand, that's not really me. I began to wonder whether I was just as confused as he was.

"Terry... this is the portal talking. You cannot stay. In fact I want us to leave now. Pack and go. This is really important. We must go now!"

He jumped up and backed away. "NO! If you feel that way, pack and go. I'm not going, Uma. Not yet. Maybe never. If you want to be by my side then you have to accept that. You walk out now and I'll know what your answer is. I'm not standing for your nonsense this time. Support me or get out. Least ways it will simplify things for both if us, won't it?"

It felt as if my heart had dislodged and landed somewhere deep in my bowels. I knew this wasn't Terry speaking, except it was. Somewhere in him was the man I knew and loved and I was the only one who could reach down and bring him back. But what if I couldn't? I would stand by him until he told me to go. I didn't care how much it hurt or how humiliating it might be. I was not letting him down after all the times he had stood by and patiently watched me toss his love aside. That's what love is, isn't it? It isn't the hearts and flowers and dinners in fancy restaurants or even fantastic sex. It is being there at the worse moments and hanging on in, grasping at the shreds of what you know you have and pulling them together. Even patched and worn they are worth it.

"Let's go to bed, love. It will be different in the morning. You've had a really hard day..."

I know he had expected anger, I suspect he might have dealt better with it. He ducked away slightly from the hand I extended to him and went into the bathroom. I heard the shower run and pushed open the door to join him. But he wasn't showering. I saw Terry sitting on the edge of the large bath with his head in his hands. I backed away and closed the door softly. He didn't want me at that moment; another woman was on his mind.

I was writing on my laptop by the pool the next day when Dino slipped into the seat beside me. "I thought I'd better return this. The modern version of a glass slipper." He held out the silk wrap that I'd left with him almost four weeks before, a smile on his face.

"Thanks. I thought I'd lost it. It has sentimental value. Thank you so much for making a special trip to bring it back to me." I returned his smile, relieved to have my gift restored.

"I didn't. I had a meeting here with a friend, a sort of colleague. That guy I told you about. Big Australian guy, surprised you haven't met him. He's the sort of man that women notice," Dino laughed a little ruefully; I wondered if he had ever felt in competition with Terry. You know what men are like.

I shrugged. "You better go meet your friend then," I said, suddenly eager to end the conversation.

"Met him already. He wondered what the shawl was for. I told him it belonged to a lady friend of mine. He got the message. I thought he'd make some smart assed comment, that's his usual style, but he just excused himself and that was that. Jeez, that guy can't spend a minute away from that blonde leech. She's sucking the life out of him."

Dino rambled on but I had stopped listening to him. Terry had seen Dino with my wrap? Would he recognise it? Men often don't take much notice of women's things  - but we are talking Terry here. He notices everything. With a sinking dread, I knew what he would think. That I had been with Dino and I had lied to him. Somehow I knew that this would be the last straw.

"Dino...I have to go..." I closed my laptop, picked up the wrap and made to leave. Dino stopped me, hands on my shoulders.

"Hey, not so fast, Uma. What's the matter with you? I don't bite. Nice to see you again. How about a thank you kiss?" He reached over and kissed me on the lips. Across the pool, on the steps leading to the bar, I saw Terry standing hands on his hips watching me. I closed my eyes. When I opened them he was gone.

Wriggling out from Dino's grasp, I hurtled through the hotel but I couldn't see him. Jumping the elevator, I rode to our suite but he wasn't there. Searching through the rubbish in my handbag, I found my phone and called him. He didn't pick up.

It was about five thirty when Terry returned and I sensed his approach before I heard the click of the door opening. He walked in and threw down his jacket and then I saw, from the corner of my eye, that he was hauling his carryon out of the wardrobe. Pulling a few suits out of the rail, he began to pack.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, a cold fear running down my spine.

"I'm moving out."

"Where are you going to? To Alice's place?"

He shot me a cold glance. "That make you feel better? No, not Alice. Another room. Where I don't have to look at you and see the contempt with which you treat me."

I felt my legs slither from me and slumped onto the bed for support. "Terry...I know what you're thinking but..."

"Oh you do, do you? I doubt if you have a fucking clue what is in my mind. But that never bothers you, does it? As long as you're the centre of attention and some dumb bastard is seeing stars...Christ, I thought I knew you...I didn't have a fucking clue."

I put my hands on my head. "I met Dino weeks ago and we had dinner twice. Nothing happened. I told him I wasn't interested. I told him about this guy I was with...you've got to believe me, Terry."

"Yeah, you told him about this guy who was shagging some married woman and you were left helpless like some poor abandoned female. Christ, Uma, how could you lie like that about me?  Dino thinks you are some sort of abused woman who needs his protection."

"I never said those things about you. He's just presumed that was the matter. I was vague because I didn't want to let you down or interfere with the story..."

Terry threw down the case and took a step towards me. I instinctively backed away.

"I'm not going to hit you! WHY did you speak about you and me to him? How could you betray me like that?"

"I had no one to talk to. Terry, you've left me here alone and unable to reach you.  Please, listen to yourself. This is not us! This is the portal. You are losing your ability to see things clearly."

He laughed. "No. I'm seeing things clearly for the first time. You and me...Jesus, we're a fucking disaster. I can't take it anymore..."

"Don't go! Think about it first. Give me a little time," I begged him.

"Get out of my sight. I'm sick of looking at you."

His words were like darts, spat out and hitting their mark. I felt the thud as if they had pierced my flesh. With a little cry, I ran from the room and to the elevator. I needed air. I needed space. I was afraid of him but even more afraid of myself. I must not react in my spontaneous way to what he had said; it was important to take this calmly and think out what I might do. But I also felt that I could not spend a moment longer in the same room as him but for very different reasons. One more look at his snarling disgust would have broken my heart.

I'm not very sure where exactly I went. In that desperate mood, like a wild deer, my instinct was simply flight. So I ran. Through streets and thoroughfares, past tawdry shopping complexes, by churches and government offices, pushing against the pedestrian traffic of people leaving work at the end of a day.

Night fell and I still wandered aimlessly, lost in thought, my mind playing out endless scenarios that would bring us to where we needed to be by the end of the film but none seemed to play out. It was so clear now, as if a spotlight was shining on us, that the error was my presence. I should not be here. Because of me, the film cannot but change. I have driven him towards Alice in a more destructive way than intended. It was no longer about his need to protect her and her manipulation of his vulnerabilities. Terry wanted to punish me and Alice would be the obvious route. Would there be any woman in the world that it would hurt more to see him with than her? Where would this leave the film? Peter? Dino? Would he...I could hardly credit the thought...would he leave Peter to die or to linger indefinitely as a hostage so that he might have a chance with Alice?

The sane Terry that I knew would never behave like that but this was a different version of him. He was back, racked with his insecurities and broken by what he perceived was my betrayal. The portal would heighten his doubts, make him recall every little thing that I had done wrong in our relationship and blow it up into a magnitude. Not only that, but the portal seems to unleash the men's potential for brutality, it enhances their physical natures. I couldn't imagine Terry ever laying violent hands on me but there are many forms of cruelty. He had already exhibited an unimagined coldness in the room, that part of him that could close down and perform acts of war without remorse, and it might be capable of tossing me aside with equal indifference.

A hand reached out from a doorway and cackled something in Spanish. It brought me to my senses. I stared around me. It was dark and I was lost in some rabbit warren of back alleyways amidst boarded-up shops and seedy apartments. Stumbling along the pavement, I broke into a run, searching down each tiny passageway for a major road ahead where I might flag down a cab. This place was dangerous and my natural instinct for preservation kicked in. But what was I to do? I had run out without even a purse. No phone, no bloody money, no idea where I was and a very poor spattering of O level Spanish.

Madly dashing along one street and another, I began to panic and whisper desperate prayers to some long neglected God. Just then I realised a car was cruising along by my side. I cringed away from its open window.

"Hey, Uma, slow down, its me, Dino... what the fuck you doing here?" I stopped dead and turned. It was Dino. Driving a jeep and looking like the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

"Oh God, Dino! I was lost and frightened. I don't know how I got here." I climbed aboard and he set off through the back streets and turned out onto the main Corso. I had only been a short distance from safety; isn't that always the way?

"Uma, you're behaving really strange. What the hell's wrong?"

I couldn't stop myself. Hearing a friendly voice, being with someone who simply wanted to help me, broke through my resistance. I just started shivering and the crying began. Once I go, I really go. I can cry for hours and no one ever understands what I'm saying. Dino let me weep while he drove and simply placed a hand on my knee.

Eventually he pulled into an underground car park. "Where...are...we...?" I sobbed. Just then his phone rang. He jumped out of the car and answered it. I should have got out, too. I should have realised. But I simply curled up on the seat and carried on crying.

Moments later, Dino opened my door and helped me out and I let him lead me to an elevator and up to his suite. We sat down on the comfortable couch and he held me while I continued to snivel and sob.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you?" Dino asked.

I shook my head. "He wants to leave me. I cannot bear it. I will die."

Dino poured me a brandy. "Drink this. Go to bed. Tomorrow will be different. At the moment you're too confused and upset. Come on, let's get you to bed."

I let him pull off my T-shirt and jeans and roll me into his bed. I snuggled down and he sat with me until I must have dozed off. Some time later, I woke up, unsure where I was. Staggering from the bed, I walked through to the lounge; Dino was asleep on the couch. Returning to the bedroom, I stood on the balcony and looked out at the night. It was strange. Half the city was in darkness. Then is hit me like a lead balloon. This was the night. Alice would come to our room and get stuck in the lift during the power cut and Terry would rescue her and...

It was me. All along it was my fault. I made him turn to her. It was too late to stop the inevitable unravelling of my life.

PART FIVE: CONFRONTATIONS

It was the worse night of my life. I lay in that large lonely bed and imagined. You know I never thought I'd say this, but I wish the film had kept the sequence in. At least there would have been a finite limit to my images of their lovemaking. But in my head, I played every memory of every time I had been in his arms, of every way we had loved each other: tender, gently, passionately, crudely, joyfully, crazily, feverishly, experimentally, consensually violent or secret fantasy. But this time, I saw him with her.

I imagined that look on his face directed at her eyes, the deep husky voice murmuring his eroticism in her ears, his hands possessing her, his lips all over her, his body writhing above, desperate and hungry, struggling to ease his own demons as she exorcised hers. At times I found it hard to breathe as if my very thoughts were pressing on my throat and forcing the air from my body. I curled up in a ball and hugged my knees to my chest; there were no more tears. I was all cried out and empty inside. Just a void, a shell, a numbness that seemed as if it would never feel again.

Had I ever really understood what love meant until this moment when it had been ripped from me, like a sudden mutilation, when you can still sense the limb even though it is blatantly no longer there?

What would I do? Where would I go? As in all such tragedies when relationships break down, it is more than just the two lovers who are sundered. Our world was close knit and the bonds were tight. I could not be part of it again. I could never speak or mail or read or meet any of the others because they would have news or knowledge of Terry. I know they wouldn't ram it down my throat but it would be an unspoken issue between us. Either that, because of me, our world had lost Terry or despite me, he had returned to them in pieces. This fiasco will not be tolerated.

Dino drove me back to my hotel in the morning. We didn't say much. What was there to say? I told him that I would let him know what the outcome was and thanked him for his support. I'm sure he breathed a sigh of relief to get rid of me. What he must think of me, I cannot imagine. Before we left, Dino had received an important call; I could have told him its contents before the phone had rung. Unsurprisingly he was off to the Hilton to see his friend. The information impacted on the case he was handling.

We parted at the foyer and Dino asked at reception for Terry; I saw the receptionist point towards the pool. At a distance I saw Dino crouch down and Terry surface from the water, rub the chlorine from his eyes and watched the short exchange of their conversation. Stepping back behind a palm, Dino passed within an inch of me as he went towards the coffee shop, no doubt to wait for Terry until he was showered and ready to go.

Terry pulled himself out of the water and picked up his towel, lying on a sun bed. There was no one around; it was early. As he rubbed at his hair and wrapped the towel round his waist, I stepped up to him.

"Terry..."

He turned and stared at me. "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

"We did that."

"I mean, really talk."

"I've nothing to say to you. And I have an appointment. Kessler's in the hospital."

"You slept with Alice last night. I know you did. I understand..."

"Oh, do you? Just what do you understand? She's not a little tart like you. Don't even try to compare what you did to that."

"Terry...I didn't sleep with him."

"Where were you last night?"

"I...I..." What could I say?

"I rang Dino, asked him if he fancied getting pissed. He said "Rain check, just getting Uma into my suite. Some other time, hey?"

I exhaled, realising how it must have sounded. "I got lost, he found me and I was so upset. I slept in his bed because I had nowhere else to go. He slept in the lounge."

"Yeah, right." He simply didn't believe me. No wonder he had been so terse with Dino. Can you imagine what had been passing through his mind as they had spoken?

He walked away from me, thrust on his shorts and shirt and strode through to the lift. I sat in the foyer and waited for him to leave the suite before I went to change.

Just then I saw her. My God! I hadn't realised. She had still been in our room, in my bed, while he had gone down for a swim. Why had he done that? You sleep with a woman for the first time- surely you make love in the morning, share breakfast, have a shower together? At least one thing was evident. Terry was steeling himself for the return of her husband; he was not about to play Bowman out. Perhaps he was already regretting his moments of passion with Looby Lou.

One of my instinctive moments suddenly occurred. For the first time since I had reached Tecala, I didn't think first. I simply reacted.

"Excuse me...are you Alice Bowman?" I spoke as she loped past me wearing a dreadful baggy cardigan- was it home knit or maybe one of those ethnic mistakes from the Andes?

"Yes. Who are you?"

"I'm Terry Thorne's girlfriend."

Her eyes came out on stalks and her mouth dropped. You know the expression- I think she thinks it's cute. It reminds me of a fish in a tank at a Chinese restaurant.

"I beg your pardon?" She replied.

"Terry Thorne. Big Australian hostage negotiator. You just shagged him. That ring any bells?"

"Excuse me..."  She turned to walk away. I grabbed her arm.

"No. I want to speak to you. NOW! HERE! Or I will simply go to your house and say my piece in front of him. You want that?"

Alice shrugged my hand away and sat down next to me. "So shoot. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. He told me he was unattached."

"He said he wasn't married any more."

"He said he took the veil." 

"He lied."

She smiled. "Now I wonder why he did that?"

"For reasons far too complex to explain to a fluff ball like you." She gasped. "Oh please, give it a rest! I'm a woman not a man. Stop pouting and rolling your baby blue eyes! Terry is my man and you are fucking his head up. If you touch him again, I'll take a razor on a number 1, and I'll give a decent crop to that bird's nest you call hair. You are married, your husband is in jeopardy and it's about time you remembered that and got your hands out of the pants of other women's fellas. Terry isn't exactly distinguishing himself with his behaviour at the moment but he does have some extenuating circumstances. You don't. Now fuck off back to Casa Scorpio and leave him be. Because I swear, if you do him any harm, you will feel the sting in my tail and will wish all that had bitten you was a scorpion. Got that, airhead?"

She reeled backwards and said absolutely nothing. At that moment, the lift doors opened and Terry stepped out, dressed in his navy jacket, white shirt and those jeans... my, but  can he fill them as God or Mr Levi Strauss intended! Dino called to him and it gave me time to make my exit. From the comparative safety of the ladies' restrooms, I peered out and watched the three of them make for the car park. Alice refused to make eye contact with Terry and knocked his hand away. Terry frowned; I smiled. It was the first note of confidence I had felt in days.

Time for a team talk. Come on, Uma! You going to roll over and die? Or wouldn't you prefer to go out with a fight? Bou, lend me your double headed axe! Strength and honour! Listen for the click before the clock chimes. Go loud. What had I been thinking of?

Later that evening I was sitting in the restaurant idly playing with a salad. I tried to eat but that's me- if I am under pressure I simply eat nothing. Terry is the absolute opposite- nervous energy makes him ravenous, sex makes him ravenous, come to think of it, lying on a beach all day makes him ravenous. He just eats a lot. We are so well-suited, aren't we? But I needed to keep my strength up and I hadn't eaten much for the past few days. When I am in the mood, mind you, I can eat a horse.  One of Terry's many nicknames for me is 'Binface'. Rich coming from him really, isn't it?

Right where was I? I do have the tendency to digress, don't I? Drives Terry nuts. He always says "Get back to the fucking story! I do not need to know the name of your Aunt Mary's third cousin's fourth husband to understand the point. Christ, you'd be the world's worse person to debrief...now was it the right or the left side of his brain I blew out...the right...no, definitely the left because I distinctly remember he parted his hair on the right and I could still see the parting. Or was that in the mirror..." He can keep that up for hours (he's good at keeping things up for hours, you know) You should hear Terry's version of my version of the Lenoir rescue...did I digress again?

I promise I won't do that again. My brains are fried. Do you think the portal might be like a giant microwave...sorry!

At the table, playing with my food, I was trying to work out what I ought to do about the next day. Suddenly I heard his voice:

"Seat taken or may I join you, Miss?" I spun my head so fast, I almost cricked my neck. Terry was standing above me. My eyes were level with his groin. Hard not to notice in those jeans; it is a wonder he doesn't get arrested- his covered bulge is more revealing than any flasher I've ever had the dubious pleasure of. ("Hey mate, if I had such a little one, I'd keep it well hidden.")

"Madam, I'm up here!" He reminded me, tilting my chin to look away from his loins to his face; he never misses a trick.

"Then sit down, my good man, and don't confuse my brain." 

"Don't want to sit down. Want to dance. Would you like the pleasure of this dance, Miss?"

I stood up and he took my hand, pulling gently on it to lead me to the small empty dance floor. A band was playing a Latin version of These Foolish Things. How appropriate.  With a slight tug on my fingers, he brought me against his body and we moved together. He held my hand tight and rested his other lightly on the base of my spine. Unconsciously I rested my head against his chest. We didn't really dance just move together and I held my breath. Why was he here? What did he want to say to me?

I felt his warmth breath on my ear and he whispered. "I talked to Dino. I owe you an apology."

I sighed. He owed me nothing. I had everything I needed here in his arms. The music wound down and he stepped away from me with a little bow. "Now we need to talk. Really talk." I followed him back to the table.

We sat facing each other and he took my hands in his; he was nervous, playing with the rings on my fingers and the bracelet that I wore. "We planned the drop. Dino asked me point blank about Alice. I asked him point blank about you." I looked surprised; he grinned - "it's the next scene, not in the film."

"Oh," I said inanely.

"I asked him whether he was in love with this woman he'd met. What did he expect to get from her? Will she leave her boyfriend for him? He looked a little in askance. He said 'I don't expect anything from her. We aren't lovers. It was never about that. She's just a lady who needs a shoulder. That bastard kicked her out. Left her wandering the streets in tears. When you called I'd just picked her up. Christ, Terry, she was in such a state. I thought she would break her heart crying. I couldn't speak to you then. I just took her home and put her to bed. I slept in the lounge. Can you believe that? I didn't even try it on. I would have ... she's such a nice girl. I would have felt a total jerk to have taken advantage of a girl like that.' Uma, I stood listening to him and I couldn't believe what I'd said to you. How come he knows you better than I do?"

Terry blew air our slowly and I could see he was having difficulty controlling himself.

"It doesn't matter, Terry. It wasn't your fault. The portal does it to us all. I had pushed you to your limits and then along came Alice. You loved her once, Terry. There are two men inside you at the moment- the man you are and the man you were. It is so hard for you to see things clearly. We should not have come, sweetie. I warned you but I never, ever imagined it would end like this."

"End? What do you mean?"

"Terry, I don't know what you want. You never really tell me. I think you need to feel that you are the strong one in a relationship, that you are with a woman who relies on you and Alice is always going to be that kind of woman. Terry, I might be hopeless but I'm not helpless. I don't really need to be taken care of every minute. Maybe that is the problem with us. I want you to need me not the other way round."

I could see him thinking about what I had said. "But you are a complete screwball at times. I don't know how you cross the road without getting run over."

I giggled. "I am not! Just because I mess about and play the fool doesn't make me into a nutcase. I choose to be stupid when it suits me but I can look after myself. I always could. I don't need your protection. It drives me mental when you fuss over me and try to do everything for me. Other women love that - I don't. But, Terry, there is another kind of need. I need to reach out in the night and know you are beside me. I need to look up and see you dozing in a chair. I need to know that you are in the next room, filling our home with your presence. Dependence isn't love- it's a form of using someone; togetherness is not the same as that.

"I don't love her. I never did. That's why I had to get Peter back. I was lonely and I confused caring for passion. One night with her was enough to know that. Christ, Uma...I hate guys who behave like that. Sleep with a woman then want to run as far away as you can from them. I couldn't even face her when I woke up. That's why I went to the pool. Just to think. Try to work out what I had to do."

"What did you decide?" I asked tentatively, hardly daring to hear his answer.

He raised his eyes in that way he has and made the little moue with his mouth that I'm sure he doesn't know that he does. "I'm here, aren't I?"

I breathed a deep sigh of relief and whispered a prayer to that God who still insists on looking out for me, despite how little I deserve it. "I love you. I think you love me too. I don't know how to show you or explain it any better than that. I will not let you go. I want to hold onto you as much as you want to hold on to me. And then, I want to fly and let you fly too. Just until you come home again and we savour just how wonderful it is to be us."

"When I crossed over the first time and met the Sisters, it was an experience that changed me. I guess I had never been in a situation where I could simply be myself and not live behind a mask. Yet even there I felt I was not quite in touch. The girls see me as either a rock to shelter them or a ...

"...gold medal fuck?" I smiled.

He shrugged.

"You are. Both those things," I added.

"I'm more than that, though. But it's my own fault. I play up to the image. Always have. White Knight. Mr.Cool. Unsurprisingly they think I have it all sussed. I don't have the appealing issues that the others have. I'm not tormented by my conscience...like Cort. I'm not struggling with my unresolved mother complex...Bud. I'm not the noble victim of corrupt and evil power...Maximus...I'm not an awesome sea captain at the mercy of unscrupulous landlubbers...Jack. I'm not poor badly raised boy searching for a cause....Hando. Noble savage broken at the hands of a rich and selfish woman...East. Brilliant mind plagued by demons...do I have to go on? No, I'm K and R man. I can deal with everything..."

"That is crap. Nobody thinks of you like that. Of course you've got a rep. And you earned it. But they adore you because of your issues, you big dope. If you were Mr. Cool- they wouldn't be interested in you...well, maybe a bit but...Terry, you are such a hopeless case. You're worse than me. You should hear them cooing over you. It makes me puke."

He laughed. I laughed. We put our heads back and laughed out loud until we were giggling hysterically in the hotel restaurant. God knows what the hotel staff and other diners thought was going on.

"Take care of me, Uma. I don't think I can cope with it all without you..." He stood up and pulled me from the seat. I thought he had the urge to dance again. It was another urge that was driving him. I found myself pushed through the restaurant, across the foyer and towards the lift.

"No, Terry. Not there. Not where you and she..." He grimaced and then I saw the flash of devilment in his eyes.

"This way." The pool.

"No!"

"No one's there at night. C'mon. Don't tell me you haven't thought about having at me in this pool. You've seen the fucking film often enough."

What do you think? Would any of you have said no to that particular invitation?

In the changing cabin round the pool, we slunk out of our clothes down to his shorts and my panties. I peered out of the swing doors but Terry just picked me up and threw me in, diving in after me. He swam the length underwater and then turned, homing in on me like a great white shark. I screamed as he grabbed my legs and pulled me under. Up we came spluttering and laughing. I gasped for air and then he dragged me down again, holding me tight on the floor of the pool.

Terry can hold his breath underwater for minutes- I can't. When my lungs were bursting he took my head in his hands and kissed me, breathing air into me as we rolled around beneath the surface. It was an exquisite moment as I stopped fighting and relaxed, trusting him to fill me with what I needed to survive- him.

This time, we shot up to the night air above and held each other. I felt his fingers push aside my brief panties and I pulled down his shorts enough to free him. Wrapping my legs around him, he slipped deep inside. To anyone who looked out at the pool, we would have looked like a couple in a playful embrace; in fact we were fucking slow and deep in the clear blue water.

It isn't a particularly easy thing to do, even with a strong bloke like Terry and the support of the buoyant water. But it wasn't about sex, not really. The Greek philosophers used to theorise that men and women were two halves of a sundered creature, the ideal human, which had four arms and four legs and two heads. The purpose of the struggle of mankind was to find one's other half, the perfect fit, the exact match. Few achieve that acme and most accept a lesser partner, compromise being one of life's greatest enemies. I thought of that strange creature, the ideal human, as we moaned and thrashed about in the silent pool. Yin and yang. Alpha and Omega. Right and Left. Starboard and Larboard. Up and down. In and out. Male and Female. Him and me. Two complete opposites who fitted together perfectly. After all, wasn't it Terry who had once said "Who wants to fuck themselves?"

Back in the cabin, dripping wet, no towel and a calm, post orgasmic haze upon us, we sat down, dried off in the warm night air and talked some more.

"You want to know how much you mean to me? It doesn't matter who I see or what I say - there is no man in this world who matters to me as you do. I don't know why you're with me. I wake up every morning wondering why you are still there. You see you other sisters, I see other brothers. They get our bodies- is that all we are? I don't think so - I don't just want your body, I want your heart and soul as well. You've got mine already."

It was the most I'd ever admitted to him. Somewhere in my mind, I thought that if I ever let him know how much I cared, I would frighten him away. But desperate times call for desperate measures and I realised that my mistake had always been in expecting him to read between the lines. He might be a pretty exceptional man but, he is a man at the end of the day, and they just need things spelling out. A thought dawned on me. Ann mentions that he asks her how she feels; I know she wriggles out of telling him, but he does ask. He has never put the direct questions to me. That used to make me feel vulnerable. Could it be that he was too scared at what my answer might be?

I jumped onto his knee and wrapped my legs and arms around him. He held me close, squeezed me hard and we buried our heads against each other. Touch is also a direct question; closeness a pretty revealing answer. Then he pulled away and smoothed down my unruly damp hair.

"Tomorrow, we go in after Bowman. You know it's dangerous? Things could go wrong? Do you understand that?"

I nodded. "But you will come back. You know you will. The hard bit is over.  I will wait for you at the pad out of sight."

Terry grinned. "Outta sight. Everything is all right. That's what you are - totally out of sight."

"And you are pretty out there yourself. Tomorrow- be careful! Take no risks. You have the advantage of knowing what might happen. But one thing I insist on - enjoy it. You know you will; like a pig in shit or a hippo in a mud hole. Yomping through the jungle with your toys and a knife in your teeth. That's my boy!"

Terry smiled that boyish grin of his and I knew he would have fun. For all his formidable manliness there was a little boy inside who was just as adorable as the sexy K and R man. I didn't need a baby. I already had one.

We did go back to the room. I had asked room service to change the bedding earlier in the day when I had gone back to dress. I couldn't really blame Alice- there was no evidence that a woman lived there. The bedroom and the bathroom had been full of my things when I had left. On my return I found every sign of my existence packed in my suitcase and placed in the wardrobe. That had made my blood run cold. Terry had done that. That is what he was capable of when he made a decision: simply blanking me out of his life like as if I had never been there. A soldier's training. Separate emotion from action. Do it and put it aside.

But he hadn't been able to, had he? He had just tried to do that, like an animal displaced from his natural habitat tries to restore the order that he understands. Yet, come the light of day, he had left her asleep and dived into water to wash himself clean of her, an act of purification before battle. His subconscious recognised things that his conscious mind did not.

I found it hard to believe he had even referred about me to Dino- that is not his way, particularly with other men -unless all along he had known the truth, somewhere in him. Had the portal failed? Was his own disgust at himself for breaking the moral guidelines that he had set himself long ago enough to rouse him from the deep trough he had found himself mired in? It seemed likely. Terry has such perception; I cannot see him failing to turn it on himself. He is his worse critic- he sees fault where others see admirable qualities. Somewhere along the line, something has made him mistrust himself. But he had looked for reasons to forgive me even though the portal was pulling him a different way. I found that the most remarkable thing of all.

What had we all learned from our trips? Was there one distinguishing feature in the many and varied tales? I didn't admit to everything that happened to me on either visit- I don't suppose the others did, too - but one thing stands out. On our return we faced the truth about ourselves. Maybe the portal is a valuable lesson after all.

Terry slept well that night with that deep slumber that comes from his experience of battle. However frightened you are, your worse enemy is yourself. Make sure you eat and rest enough and give little heed to the worries that you cannot change. In a strange way we have that in common. I believe in the Scarlett O'Hara view of life; I will think about that tomorrow! I hardly think Terry would recognise the analogy - but it is a similar theme.

I watched him for a long time and made several promises to myself and God. I will keep him safe.

The next morning, he woke me. I had dreamed of him, a confused mess of notions. We were stranded in the Arctic (I kid you not) and pursued by trappers. There was a tiger somewhere in the mix and a plane crash. It was peculiar but I wasn't scared; I just knew he would sort things out. Somewhere in the mayhem, I could feel him near me and then I opened my eyes and he was making love to me, so quietly and softly that it had barely disturbed my dream.

I feigned sleep. I just wanted him to bury himself in me and feel no responsibility to perform- so that he could carry the sense of my soft complaint body with him through the day ahead. With a quiet sigh, he came and I held him to me. It was the best sex I have ever had.

OK. So you want to know whether the sight of him in combats drove me to distraction? Hey, that's not the way it was. He doesn't stroll through the Hilton looking like a commando. No, girls. He simply left wearing jeans and a shirt, a jacket over his shoulder and told me to pack up and be ready.

Like hell. I didn't particularly want to be there when Mrs. Bowlegs, sorry Bowman, was emoting so I let them get off before I set out but I drove the car up to the rendezvous later in the afternoon. It had been a strange day of uneasy restlessness in which I had wandered about and bought a few last mementoes of my stay, feeling both anxious and excited.

Finally I was ready, loading up the big four wheeled drive and I made my way through the appalling traffic to the quieter roads up the mountain. The welcoming committee was already there: the Italians and of course, Alice, along with her help.  I parked round the back of the building and rolled down the windows, taking out a book and slithering down the seat, my legs on the dashboard, trying to keep out of sight.

Thank God for Jack Aubrey- few other books would have held me that day- but even so my ear was constantly listening for the distant drone of a chopper. Instead, I heard a tap on the half wound down window. Looking up sharply, I saw Alice Bowman.

"So look who's turned up! Still fretting that I'll take your man?" True colours, hey? The little bitch had been thinking.

I looked her straight in the eye. "I've come to take him home. Piss off."

She shrugged. "I didn't know about you. Why is it my fault? Why don't you take it out on him?"

"It's a long story. Nothing to do with you." I turned back to my book.

"I'm sorry. I can't help the way he feels."  She was on dangerous ground. What do you reckon, Darce? Was she asking for one up the jaxy?

"No, you can't. Because it's nothing to do with you how he feels. Believe me."

"You wouldn't say that if you saw how he kissed me before he left..."

I met her gaze. She was smirking. 

"Go away, love. You make me sick. I wonder what is in your husband's mind this moment?" I pressed the electric window button and watched the glass cover her face. She isn't worth it. I am not going to lower myself with her. Only people I respect are worth my tongue.

I watched the return from afar with a mixture of emotions. He was safe. It was over. He looked about as fuckable as I'd ever seen him. Not that I haven't seen him kitted up before- you seriously think I hadn't insisted on him playing out that particular fantasy?- but this wasn't love games in our bedroom. Terry was sweaty, dirty, blood stained and weary. In a black vest and combats. There is a God. Somewhere in my wicked childhood, I must have done something good. Thank heaven for big boys. All I want for Christmas....

But, unusual for me, I exercised restraint. I let the drama unfold. Colletri delivered safe and sound. Alice meets Peter. Alice says goodbye to Terry. Dino does his war dance. Terry stares down the hill.

My turn. I have been good enough.

I leapt out of the car and raced over the summit to launch myself at him. Leapfrogged onto his back and simply squealed. "We did it!!!"

He burst out laughing and hitched me up, whirling me around. I hammered on his back and screamed.

Suddenly he bent down and tossed me over his head, I tumbled into his arms and we kissed. He was covered in mud and dust, smelt of cordite and sweat. I now have another favourite Terry smell.

Our little reunion was suddenly interrupted. "Uma?" Dino stared in disbelief.

Terry dropped me rather suddenly and grimaced. "Dino...there's something I need to tell you..."

"Uma? You mean the guy was Terry Thorne? Jesus Christ? What's been going on? You take me for a complete sucker? Or did you ditch your guy for him?"

I simply can't please everyone, can I? "Dino...it's really complicated. There is an explanation, but I'm not sure you'll believe it."

Terry stepped in. Captain Fantastic to the rescue. "Get in the car. You drive while I tell you a story. You ever heard of an actor called Russell Crowe...?"

Terry talked. I just cuddled up to his combats. He kept moving my hands out of the danger zone and embarking upon another episode of the story of Perve World. Dino said little. After some time, Terry said..."You following this, Dino?"

Dino replied, "You sure you just got temporarily blinded? Someone hit you on the head?"

"No, mate. Honest. They are really there. The Sisters. And the Brothers but I can't say I'm very bothered about them. Fancy a trip? You will be welcomed with open arms..."

I giggled and opened my mouth to add something. Terry clapped his hand over my lips.

"It's a very unconventional existence but should suit a man of your tastes."

I snorted. Dino turned round to add something but at that moment, Terry flipped the lever to turn the back seat into a bed. I found myself flopped under him as he suddenly decided that he was in the mood for demonstrating the easy access of the military trouser.

"Hey, Dino, keep your eyes on the road. Look back once more and I may have to kill ya," he announced before putting his mouth to better use.

Dino whistled and feigned unconcern. I guess we got a bit carried away; I know I was quite noisy. "Hey, Thorne. You say these Sisters call you up and ask you round - just like that?"

"Hummmm."

"Do you think we'll make the midnight flight to London?" He wondered out loud.

"Hmmmmm. Oh yeah...baby."

"Terry, don't call me baby in public. People will talk. The panoramic lift in Lloyd's?" Dino retorted.

"Hmmm...Jesus....do that...again...."

"Dino...you have to hold hands....or something....Oh Terryyyyy..." I explained.

"Threesome then?"

"NO!" He heard that.

"Haven't seen Arthur for ages...." I murmured. Terry raised the tempo. I didn't mention anything else; I think I lost the power of speech at that point.

I think Dino had made a decision. He was quite quiet after that.

Later, Dino asleep on the back seat while Terry drove and I sat beside him, we chatted. I told him what Alice had said. He winced and then gave me that cocksure face.

"I always kiss women goodbye like that," he said with a grin, "leaves them begging for it."

"You kiss me like that every day," I replied nonchalantly.

"Well, aren't you the lucky one then?" he crowed.

"YOU COCKY BASTARD!" I screamed and started to punch him; he fought me off while trying to steer. It woke Dino up.

"Keep it down, you two! I was just having a very erotic dream about this set up until you two goons woke me up...? " He settled back.

I looked at Terry; he looked at me. We both snorted. "Cort is going to love this development..."he remarked "and I shall blame it all on you."

I blew a raspberry. "Wotcha, mate. I get to write the story..."

"You gonna mention the sex?"

I inhaled. "Not supposed to. You know what you said..."

"Don't you dare leave anything out! I've a reputation to uphold."

"But was it as good as my first trip??? Watch this space, Thorny..."

We entered the hotel room, Terry carrying a shed load of shopping bags- we had both needed some new clothes. Well, he did anyway- you know me! He threw them down with a groan - he HATES shopping. Another thing we don't have in common. Flicking on the TV, he started jumping channels. I changed into one of my purchases.

"Throw us a beer, love," he shouted absentmindedly as I went to the fridge and got him a coldie.

"Here, catch!" I threw it across. He missed it. Yes. You read that right. Terry Thorne missed a catch.

He stood up and looked as if he had seen a ghost; his mouth hung open and he blew air out slowly. His eyes narrowed and he furrowed his brow as he does as if he were in pain.

"Where did you get that?" his voice was a husky whisper.

"Just bought it. That enormously large bill you complained about for half an hour. Remember?"

"Ah!" was all he said in reply.

"You like?" I asked shaking my hair slightly and sliding one leg up and down the doorway of the bathroom.

"I like," he growled.

It was a negligee of oyster satin finished with sheer lace. Tiny straps and a bodice of guipure; the fabric was so fine that it hung like a second skin - it was slit from thigh to floor on both sides. Three months (or however long it had been in real terms) in Tecala had given me a golden tan and I didn't look as insipid as I normally would have done in the pale colour.

He stepped across the room with that panther-like grace he has and stood before me. "I want you," he murmured, our eyes locking.

His hand went to my face; he brushed my curls aside and ran his hand down my cheek. I leaned into his hand, brushing my lips against his fingers. With a sudden movement he captured my neck and pulled me to him in a possessive and erotic surge. I felt that swimming sensation that I had felt across the portal; that complete handing over of myself to a man.

He bent to kiss me and his left hand swept down my back with a searing pressure, his fingers and palm seeming to leave a fiery trail where they had rested. His tongue ranged deep, licking mine, and flicking down my throat to graze the roof of my mouth and then around my lips as if he were lapping at cream. Bending my head gently, he traced a pathway down my throat and up to whorl around each ear, across my cheek, along my nose. It was indescribable; he was like a great cat or even a snake whose tongue is its main sense organ. I was panting and weak-kneed in his grasp.

Hitching me into his arms, he raised me so that he could taste my nipples, erect and visible through the sheer bodice. I felt like a rag doll in his arms, boneless and floppy, my spine as loose as the rest of me. Who else could make me feel like this? Swinging me into his arms, he carried me to the bed where he rested me down gently and stood back to undress. I did not intervene; I wanted to lie and watch him - my passivity was active in its motive.

He toed off his shoes and ripped off his socks, shed his jacket and pulled his polo shirt over his head. Standing there in just his pants, he looked at me with a searing intensity and then suddenly smiled, a breathtaking grin; his eyes crinkled and narrowed.

"Your turn for some eye candy," he teased and he played with his zipper, up and down, making a slight moan as he exaggerated how he pressed his groin as he played.

"Take them off!" I hissed. He did. Dropped his pants and stood there in his silk boxers. Lord, if Calvin Klein only knew, he would drop the adolescent studs for a real man on the spot. Terry hooked his fingers in the waistband and eased them down (and over), his tongue resting on his lips, his eyes watching me.

He is quite magnificent dressed; he is almost beyond what the brain can comprehend when he is naked. The best of all is that, although he may be a cocky bastard, he doesn't really know the effect he has on women. He misunderstands what he does to them. It is not about sex. It is about knowing how to be a man with a woman and, for that rare occurrence, women are eternally grateful and completely besotted.

I lay back on the pillow and let him come to me. It just felt right as if he was claiming me as his own for all time. I am his number one - I will never give him up. But I will give him what he wants and needs. I don't need to fear the game playing of the sexes any more. We are beyond that.

Lying by my side, he whispered to me, "I love you. Do you know how I love you? This is how I show you..."

His hand brushed my breast as he lowered his face to mine and kissed me until I thought I would die of pleasure; and all the time, his hands locked with mine, our fingers entwined above my head until he loosened his right hand and ran it down his thigh until he found the slit in the fabric and sought his entry into my sex. His hands are so big and strong but they are capable of a velvet touch with a span of awesome width. As his thumb parted me, his other fingers still grasped my thigh and seemed to leave a giant imprint, a vivid mark. My body sang of belonging to him.

I heard him whimper, a boyish sound as he slipped his hand into my wetness, he struggled with the hem of my dress, trying to raise it but unwilling to take his right hand from its exploration of my sex. I helped him to pull it until it was up at my neck and then I lay wantonly before him as he devoured my breasts with his mouth and my pussy with his hand.

He was hard and hot, burning hot; I could feel him grind into my leg as he pleasured me.

"Terry, come in me....in me. I want you deep in me. Nothing else. Love me...I don't want sex, I want your love!"

He rolled instinctively above me, humped against my wet cunt, using his beautiful cock to masturbate me as he stimulated himself. His eyes were rolling back in his head, his breath heavy and rumbling- he hardly knew where he was. I closed my eyes and let myself go - flying, drifting, floating, waves of warm current coursing thickly through my body - I could feel blood flow and nerves race.

My eyes shot open and I let out a wail as he thrust into me, his own deep groan echoed its response. His hands burrowed beneath me to clasp my naked buttocks and I felt his entire weight lean in on me, the lack of oxygen heightening my heady dizziness. I wondered fleetingly if you could die of pleasure; it would be a wonderful way to go, to slip into nothingness in his arms. My mind seemed to think this was a dreamy sweet sensation.

I think some realisation of what he was doing must have occurred to him; he suddenly threw his leg tight around me and rolled me onto his chest. We didn't even part. Still holding my butt in his large hands he raised and lowered me as he rotated his hips- how many men are strong enough to keep that up? Slowly I began to recover and respond as my lungs filled again with air and I helped him fuck me. No love me. This was quite, quite different.

Time hovered as we were locked in that sensual combat, struggling and desiring, torturing and giving. I suppose I had waves of orgasm; my conscious mind could not count in such prosaic terms. Perhaps he was holding back; he is a consummate lover and knows how to please a woman first. But I don't think he was playing games. Neither of us would let go of the moment as if we could stop time and remain in that loop forever like a recurring dream.

But bodies are frail and nature must shed its gifts; it is the order of things. His shuddering orgasm stunned me; I almost felt afraid for him that he could weather such a trauma without damage to his system. All I could do was hold him as he twitched in my arms his strength gone. I love his power but I adore his weakness.

One thing was clear as day to me. The portal might heighten many things but nothing in this world heightens sensation as much as love. We didn't need to cross portals to love like God intended.

We lay back and spoke quietly, private things, a moment of peace in our stormy life together.

"What next?" he asked all of a sudden.

I shrugged. "Thought I'd call home on the way back to KL. See my Mum and Dad...meet up with a couple of friends. I need a reality check. Bit of northern grit. Come with me...meet the folks."

He grinned. "Soon. I promise. But in the meantime...no, I need to visit some of the girls. I owe them. Checked my thread to let them know I'm back. Saw you'd been playing games again," he gave me his headmaster look.

"Games? Whatever do you mean?" I giggled. He raised his eyes. "I'm not going to see him. Just playing- he is such an easy wind up. Does he suffer from permanent PMS?"

Terry laughed. "Watch yourself. But see him. I dare you."

"What?" I gasped. "After all you said?"

He chuckled. "Over it. Sorted. No more restrictions. You play the game as I do. You earned the right. Just be careful. I wouldn't want to have to kill one of the Brothers. Although in his case- it might be fun..." he smiled and I rolled over his chest and sat up on him.

"Have you been taking perfect pills again?" I giggled. "Hey, look at the time! We said we'd meet them at seven! Get you arse in gear, mate- shower and shave. We are going to PARTY!!"

We sat at the bar in a hotel in LA waiting for Dino show up. I felt tired, more mentally than physically. The past weeks had taken their toll and I was at rock bottom. Terry was quiet too and I wondered if our exaggerated moods from the portal visit were now going to devolve into some giant anticlimax.

He had been out of circulation for some time. I expected the thread to start humming again and he would be off. I wasn't sure I was really ready to part with him yet.

"I've been thinking, Uma..." he started somewhat hesitantly. Not the decisive Thorne that most people know. Something was about to be revealed.

"What is it? Spill it out, sweetie. I'm sick of dancing round you."

He smiled a half-smile into the drink he was cradling. "What I said... about us having a baby..."

I ran my hand through his hair; it needed cutting again - by his lights- I adored its unruly curl. "We forgot to bring the sample bottle," I whispered.

"No, that's not what I mean. Would you have my baby if I asked you...if I could?"

I bit my lip and leaned over to him. "I would do anything you asked me to."

He frowned. "But what do you really want?"

I shrugged. "I don't really have the urge to be a mother. I think it would be a difficult thing to manage in this world. If we have a child, we will withdraw more and more from the Game. I can't see other men with your child inside me...even less if I was looking after our baby. And later...when the child was old enough to ask questions- how could I explain the way we live? That you travel to see other women and sleep with them? It would be really hard, Terry."

"I wouldn't see anyone else. I couldn't do that to you or our child," he answered, his face serious and his thumb caressing my jaw.

"That it the sweetest thing you have ever said to me," I choked down the gurgle of sobs that was rising in me.

"Do you think I could do that? What kind of man do you think I am?"

"I think you are the very best kind of man. One who doesn't need to prove your manhood to me."

He swallowed and raised his eyes, blinking a few times. "I don't really want to be a father. I'm not much good at it. I said it because...I think I wanted to control you. When I thought about you and Maximus...subconsciously, I wanted to mark you as mine. That was a terrible reason to want to father a child."

I smiled warmly at his unusual awkwardness; his acute honesty was startling. "I am marked as yours -in every way a woman can belong to a man with one added bonus. We are strong enough to let each other fly. I will never hold you back."

Just then I saw Dino exit from the elevator. I nudged Terry. "Time to put on the faces," I whispered.

He spun round on his stool and grinned. Leaning in towards my ear as dino approached, he nibbled on the lobe and whispered sweet and low. "From now on - anyone.  See whomever you want to. Just be careful. Most of all of him. He is gunning for you now."

"He's all talk. I'll have him eating out of my hand. I guarantee it. He is dying to meet me. We'll have a ball. May be two!" I giggled.

Terry groaned. "You are impossible."

I threw my arms around his neck and we kissed. One of his long goodbye kisses. The kind I get every day.