[21 Jan 2001  The sauna.]

DINO

Over the next couple of weeks, my thoughts were often on Heather and my growing relationship with her.  That night with Terry seemed to cement things for us.  It was the first time we'd ever presented a united front together and it seemed to spark a different sort of closeness.  To be honest, I'm not really sure I understand it.  I'm not naïve.  There have been undercurrents of attraction between us since the beginning.  I still regularly satisfy myself in the shower and in my bed at night with images of her playing behind my closed eyes.  And yet, there seems to be something more than just that.  Something dangerous that feels a lot like it might be love, given half a chance. 

She's even stopped hiding herself in her towel when we sit together in the sauna; something that has quickly become our preferred way to spend the late evening.  Some nights when I want my space I don't come until after she's gone, but those nights are few and far between, and for the most part, my free evenings are spent relaxing with her and talking about anything and everything.

To be honest, I'd become quite attached to our intimate evening chats.  She's candid and open and she makes me laugh like I haven't in a long time.  It's one of the things I like best about her.  She also makes me think about a lot of things I've taken for granted in the past.  Of course, there's also this feeling like both of us are still sort of cooling things between us for fear we might screw up what is already a pretty good thing.  I guess if things are really meant to be, we'll work them out eventually, but for the time being, I am enjoying the freedom to just be myself with her.  

The more I thought about it, though, the more I was becoming aware our relationship was becoming just as deep as the ones I'd held dearest to my heart.  My childhood sweetheart.  My first love.  Gen.  They were all wonderful women, but sometimes I couldn't help wonder if maybe the love a person found wasn't always the right kind of love, or it was but it came along at the wrong time.  Looking over at Heather, I wondered if it would ever happen for us and if it did, if I would recognize it before it slipped through my fingers.  Was what I felt for her love?  Was it because of the Pull?  Because of Andy?  Was it something else altogether?  I still couldn't answer those questions, which made me reluctant to push things too far.   

I sighed heavily and rubbed at my shoulder.  I'd sustained an injury there years ago.  Nothing heroic, I'm afraid.  Training exercise.  Friendly fucking fire.  Bullet missed the scapula but fucked the ligaments up pretty good.  Tonight it ached because I'd spent the last two days swinging a hammer building Andy a tree house.

On the far side of the sauna, Heather was on her back with her eyes closed, bouncing that little foot along to whatever music she was hearing in her head.  I was glad she was the kind of woman who didn't feel she had to fill every moment with talk.  That we were as comfortable in prolonged silence as we were in deep conversation told me a lot about our intimacy... not to mention gave me the perfect opportunity to let my eyes linger where my hands and mouth could not.

I knew tonight when I crawled into my cold, lonely bed that I'd think about taking her like that-  on her back in the sauna with the scent of cedar surrounding us.  I wanted to make her come for me.  And I wanted to hear her cry out my name when she did.  No, not 'Dino'.  I wanted to hear her pant 'Dean' against my throat over and over as I took her.  I wanted to hear her beg for it.

My body throbbed as blood pooled thick and heavy between my legs.  I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall, letting my mind drift to other things.  The last thing I wanted was for Heather to realize how often she made me hard.  I wasn't ready to go there with her.  Not yet.

My mind went again to that night I told Terry about my new family.  Heather brought us beers and left us alone to talk on the back deck.  I told him about the other Dean.  Only told him as much about Gen as I absolutely had to.  I think he knew there was more there, but to his credit, he didn't ask.  There are some things I'm not sure I'll ever be able to share with him when it comes to her.  What we had was precious and private.  That she died while I was saving his life is another consideration.  His burden is heavy enough already without that knowledge. 

Mostly I just kept to the facts.  Andy was Dean's son.  Heather had taken responsibility for him and now I was taking responsibility for them both.  It was that simple.  Terry had his concerns- and we're good enough friends that he could share them, but I think he knew I wasn't going to be moved on this. 

Heather and Andy worked on him too.  I can tell when Terry likes someone and I know he enjoyed the evening he spent in our home.  A home cooked meal.  A sense of family.  That softness women have that old soldiers like us just can't seem to resist. 

There were some fun surprises too.  Terry and I were discussing prospective contracts while Heather made dinner and out of the blue she piped up with some cultural background on the country in question that was surprisingly helpful.  It gave us some insight on how we might approach those particular clients.  Nothing that we probably wouldn't have figured out after a week or two in country ourselves, but I knew she'd just saved us a major headache.

The old man's eyebrows went up.  I just grinned and said, "She's not just a pretty face, man.  She's got a degree.  Knows a bunch of weird shit about lots of cultures-most of which are completely useless to us.... some of which, however, are not."  He didn't say anything, but I could tell his opinion of her had just risen a few notches.  Heh.  Good.     

That was great, but the highlight of my evening came when Andy scampered out to say goodnight after a marathon bath.  He looked right at Terry and said, "You got a peepee as big as my Dad?"  I thought Heather was going to die.  Terry handled it like a pro.  I forget that he's been through this once already.  He didn't even miss a beat.  Just knocked back another sip and said, "Nobody has one as big as your Dad's."  He smirked, caught my eye and then whispered in Spanish, "And that's the only time I ever tell that lie for you, mate." 

Heather's soft laugh made me smile.  She blushed and said, "How old is your kid?"  Good call.  Nobody reacts with that kind of grace under fire unless they've been there before.     

Terry grinned at her.  "Thirteen.  And don't worry about young Andy, here.  My son was four when he asked his mother-in-law how come she didn't have a willy.... right there in the middle of taking afternoon tea at the Waldorf.  Bloody brilliant.  Shut her up for the entire hour.  I could have kissed him."

We laughed.  Andy said, "What's a willy?"  Jesus.  Does it never end?  We finally managed to get him to bed and a little while later, we were sitting outside on the deck when Andy's open window brought us the soft sweet sound of a woman singing a lullaby. 

Terry had an unreadable look on his face while he listened.  "I'd forgotten what that felt like," he finally mused, leaning forward to refill his glass from the bottle of malt on the table.  Then he grinned.  "Don't fuck this up, hermano."

Heh.  Don't fuck it up.  Good advice.  I was doing my level best not to.  While she was gone, we also had a little powwow about Lachlan.  Come on, you know we found a way to work a question in about him over the course of the evening.  And I can tell you, neither one of us liked the answers she gave.  She was pretty closed-mouthed... and coming from a woman like her, well, it sent up some serious red flags for me.  All she'd say was that he was someone she met while on vacation before college.  It wasn't what she did- and didn't- say that really ramped me up... it was the look on her face when she said it.  I know women and I know that look. 

My mind chose that moment to recall the vintage uniform button on the mantle in her home back in California.  I knew then that he'd fucked her.  I knew it.  Jesus, she'd only been seventeen.  He had to have been what?  Twenty-five?  Twenty-six?  I'd wanted to kill him.  I still do.  Hell, I knew what she'd been like at that age.  I'd fucking resisted my Heather at seventeen.  And eighteen.  And nineteen....  Fury choked me. 

Terry was little better.  He didn't know about the button, but he could count as well as I could.  We worked it out.  It was close.  Had to have been within days of his crossing.  Recalling how I felt immediately following my own crossing and what I'd wanted from a woman in those dark days, that little detail only wound me up tighter.

The old man talked me down like he always does.  My rational mind knew it was ridiculous to expect she'd been chaste her entire life.... but Christ!  Seventeen?  I tried not to think about my first time.... I'd been younger than that.  A lot younger.  The girl had too.  I still hated the thought of it- and it sure as hell didn't make me any more inclined to rush into telling her about the 'Family'.  Fuck that.

It was just seeing this whole other side of her I really wasn't sure I was ready to see quite yet.  It made me angry... and yet also made her more real to me.  Not so much a fantasy anymore but a woman with a past and experiences all her own that made it easier for me to think about the kinds of things I wanted to have with her.  I rubbed my shoulder absently, lost in thought. 

Heather looked over at me.  "What's the matter with you?"

Her voice jarred me from my reverie.  "What?"             

"Your shoulder?"  

I sighed.  "Oh, that."  A little self-conscious now, I stopped rubbing it and let my arm fall back to my side.  "Had a bit of an accident a few years back.  Acts up from time to time."  Like when I swing a hammer all weekend, I added silently.  "Nothing wrong with it a little heat and some massage won't fix,"  I waved my hand at the surrounding sauna as if to say, see, I AM a good patient.  She wasn't buying it.  Heh.  "You game?"  I meant it as a joke and was a little surprised when she nodded and sat up.

"Sure."  She looked at me expectantly when I didn't get up.  "There's nothing wrong with your legs, is there?"  Heh.  She tapped the bench at her side.  "Get a move on, Red."   

I snapped her a salute and offered up a, "Yes, ma'am," while I crossed over to 'her' side of the sauna and sat down, putting my back to her.  I pointed to here it hurt the worst.  "Here," I said quietly.  "Here too."  I tried to keep as relaxed as possible, not wanting her to know how much I was looking forward to her touch... or how much I hurt.  I do have my pride, after all.  It wasn't just my shoulder.  My back hurt too.  It was a good kind of hurt, born of manual labor and not injury, but it ached nonetheless.

She stared at me like she was suddenly a little hesitant about touching me.  We'd been in here a while already.  Long enough to break a sweat.  I could smell her.  She smelled good, like cedar and lavender and woman.  I knew when she touched me that her hands would slide on my skin.  My hands clenched with the desire to touch her and I wondered if she felt the same. 

Reminding myself that it wasn't smart to dwell on that-especially while she was touching me, I pushed aside my amorous thoughts and tried to concentrate on how good it felt as she slowly eased the pain from my muscles.  I groaned low in my throat.  God, her hands felt good.  They were sure and strong, finding the knots and working them out methodically.  I groaned again, louder this time, in appreciation for the deep massage.

I tried not to think about how I wanted those tiny hands of hers to stroke around my sides and glide lower... to touch me where I really ached.  I tried to distract myself by asking about her necklace; a tiny mustard seed trapped in glass and ringed in gold.  She said it stood for faith.  We wound up having a long, involved discussion about God and religion and were we both stood on that whole complex issue.  As it turns out, we had surprisingly similar views and the discussion was oddly engaging and reassuring at the same time.

Caught up in the conversation, I didn't realize her hands had drifted lower to the base of my spine until I'd leaned forward, bracing my forearms on my knees to give her better access.  Our conversation was interrupted by my low growl of pleasure and I wondered if she had any idea that the muscles in the small of a man's back were closely linked to the muscles in his pelvis.  As her thumbs worked my back, I felt myself start to get hard.  I tried but couldn't quite bite back the groan of pleasure her touch had caused.  While it might have sounded exactly like all the others, I was aware of the difference.  The sound had been carnal in nature rather than a response to the easing of pain.  What exquisite torment- to be having a deep discussion about God while being plagued by every licentious devil I could think of.

Her hands stilled and the air crackled with sexual tension.  It was uncomfortable and yet oddly exciting at the same time. 

"Done already, honey?"  She'd been at it a good twenty minutes and the painful ache had long since vanished, but I wasn't ready for her to be finished.  Not yet. 

Her voice was soft and a little embarrassed.  "My hands are tired."  I kicked myself not realizing that sooner.  She was unaccustomed to giving massages and kneading my muscles so deeply must have made her hands ache.  She should have stopped long ago.  I wondered if maybe she'd been as unwilling to end it as I had.

My voice was equally soft as I turned to face her, hoping she wouldn't notice there was one part of me that her touch hadn't exactly had a relaxing effect on.  I took her small hands in mine and gave them a gentle squeeze.  "Sorry.  I didn't think."  I wrapped my fingers around her slender wrist and massaged her palm with the other.  She moved to pull her hand back but the grip I had on her wrist prevented it.  "Relax, honey."  Said it real slow.  Watched her nipples peak and felt the blood pound between my legs. 

Despite the heat surrounding us, she shivered.  "But-"

"Shhh.  It's OK.  I'm just returning the favor.  That's all.  Shhh..."  I gentled her with my voice and kneaded the fleshy part of her palm.  It was a simple touch but incredibly intimate.  Her eyes fluttered shut and she made a soft noise of pleasure in her throat that made me completely insane.  She hummed again and my jaw clenched.

I was playing with fire and I knew it.  Too much further and this wouldn't be able to be explained away in the light of day.  Hell, too much further and I'd be touching her with more than just my fingers.  My body throbbed its agreement in response to that idea.  I fought the urge to guide her hand up under my towel so she could feel what touching her did to me. 

I tried not to think about her hands.  Hands were so sensitive and expressive and sensual.  I released her left hand and moved to the right, holding it exactly the same way- my fingers wrapped around her wrist, taking the measure of her fragile bones while my other hand massaged her palm.  I suddenly wondered which hand she used to touch herself.  I knew she did it... had heard her soft smothered cry once or twice in the last few weeks. 

At that moment, her eyes snapped open and caught me staring at her face.  I could feel my heart pounding.  The room was silent save for the harsh sounds of our breathing.  I watched her eyes drop to my mouth and wondered if she was aware she'd just parted her lips in invitation.  I needed to stop this now before I fucked everything up.  I knew if I kissed her now there would be no more sauna conversations.

Oh, I knew she'd respond to me now, tonight... I could smell her desire.  But tomorrow in the light of day?  I knew better than to push this too far too fast.  Sweat that had nothing to do with the temperature trickled down my back and wet the hair at her nape.  If it had been just us, I'd have made love to her already... but there was Andy to consider.  I couldn't fuck this up. 

I stilled my hands and released hers.  Reluctantly.  "Better now?"  My voice was gentle but it broke the mood nonetheless.  She stared blankly at me for a moment and I felt a small stick of satisfaction for that.  "Your hands, honey....  are they better now?"

She nodded and blushed.  "Yes... thank you."  There was this incredibly awkward moment between us.  I just said a quiet goodnight, got the fuck out and went back to my room... where I took a long cold shower that did absolutely fuck all to alleviate the burning in my blood.

[26 Jan 2001  Home.]

DINO

The absolute last thing I expected when I walked through the door after a long day at work was to see Heather breeze through the living room in one of those dresses that just knocks a man on his ass.  Sexy.  Sophisticated.  Clingy... and she had these fucking shoes on that just sent me.  Jesus.  That little strap at the ankle just does it for me, man.  I scraped my chin off the floor and just watched her float through with an, "I'm so glad you're home...."  Well, that's nice to hear- until I heard the rest of it.... "....cause you'd said you would be- but you're a little late... and I have this date and-"

Excuse me?  She had a what?!  I didn't hear anything after 'I have this date'.  A date?  A fucking date?!  And what does that make me?  The goddamn babysitter?  She was still talking.  I could hear her in the kitchen going on about emergency numbers and when she'd be home and how she was sorry, that Andy was teething and cranky and how this had just come up and the last minute and couldn't I just please...... 

I nearly blew a gasket when she told me where she was going tonight.  This swanky party I'd been trying to finagle an invitation to for days now.  Lotsa top brass.  Head honchos of some pretty meaty companies in the business sector.  Dignitaries and the usual ass kissing hanger-ons.  Terry calls it a target rich environment.  I thought about all the arm candy that's usually on parade at those things and felt my blood pressure climb. 

Who the fuck was she going with?  How the hell did she know anyone in DC?  She hardly leaves the house except to go to the store or the park with Andy.  What kinda man hits on a woman with a little kid?  A ringless woman, my brain said.  Fuck fuck FUCK!  Was she doing this to push me?  Was it a legitimate date?  Was one of those options actually worse than the other? 

Of course, you know me.  King of fucking smooth.  I played it so cool.  Didn't give her so much as a sniff that any of this had wound me damn close to my breaking point.  I am man enough to admit it.  I was jealous.  If she was going to wear a dress like that, never mind those fucking shoes- I wanted it to be for ME.  No way to say that now without sounding like a jealous asshole though.  For once, it was harder for me to be the one to make the first move.  I was older and trying to be mature about this.  I couldn't live with myself if she said 'yes' because I'd pressured her. 

I knew she was different from the younger more innocent girl I'd once known.  That she might want and need a bit more now.... But if she wanted this- with me- she had to make the first move.  I just played it down and when that didn't get a rise out of her, I just let her go.  No use beating a dead horse, you know?

So, that's how it happened.  Dean O'Leary.....  K and R consultant, black ops commando, all around ladies' man..... reduced to moonlighting as a babysitter.  Pretty pathetic.  Tossed down my briefcase.  Pulled off my tie.  Unbuttoned my shirt.  Wound up having the fucking shittiest night.  Andy was pissy.  Fussed and screamed until he cried himself out.  Didn't matter what the fuck I did.  Cuddled him, took him for a ride in the car, gave him a teething ring... by the time he crashed out, I had a headache that just wouldn't quit and a briefcase of paperwork still to get to.  Some Friday night. 

It got later and later.  I rubbed my temples and tried not to count how many times I got up to check the window.  And I seriously hoped she didn't want to bring his sorry ass in for a nightcap.  I didn't want to have to make a scene- but this was our home and I didn't want to chance Andy seeing that stuff.  I wanted things kept strictly Mom and Dad around here.  I wouldn't ever bring anyone back here and I expected her to do the same.  Actually, I never really thought about her dating much.  It was easier for me to just think of her in the 'Mom' box.  'Cause once she started spilling out of there into the 'sexy available woman' box, I was so fucked.                      

They got back a little after midnight.  I left the lights on for her- partly 'cause I'm a nice guy....  partly 'cause I wanted to see the bastard she'd gone out with.  I nearly swallowed my tongue when I did.  He was older than I was.  Early forties, maybe.  Gray hair at his temples.  Christ.  What the fuck's she thinking?  I'm here and she goes for some old man?  That hurt.  And worse, the he was wearing a wedding ring.  Motherfucker.  What a piece of shit. 

Fuck playing it cool.  There was no way I could let that slide.          

HEATHER

Part of me had jumped at the chance to go out because it had been ages since I'd gotten to be something other than Andy's mom.  You know, pretty dress... killer shoes.  A chance to feel like a woman for a while not just a mom.  A smaller, more selfish part of me had also kind of hoped it might light a little fire under Dino, but he seemed content enough to just let me go... and if I was truly honest, that disappointed me.  Was the spark he seemed to feel so easy to dismiss? 

Oh, I had a pleasant enough evening.  Nothing came of it.  I knew it wasn't going to be romance and sparks.  I'd known Brian for two years.  He is a pen pal of sorts.  After my Dean died, I got involved in this program that sent care packages to Marines serving overseas.  Nothing really grand.  Cards.  Candy.  Autumn leaves.  Pictures Andy drew.  Little tastes of home.  Brian was the stateside coordinator, the Marine liaison for the group and the man in charge of routing the packages addressed to "Any Marine at XXX Company" to the commanders of deserving Marines overseas.

He was also quite happily married- with kids, one of whom is married.  Marines who want to write back to the people who send them stuff have to have their mail routed through him.  And after a while (lots of Marines love writing to kids- and Andy loves getting mail) Brian and I got to be good friends.  At the moment, his wife was out of state helping their daughter with their first grandbaby and when he called me and invited me to this ritzy party downtown, I simply couldn't resist. 

Of course I jumped.  It really wasn't fair of me to expect Dino to babysit after a long day at work and I knew I was kind of taking advantage of him there, but it was just too good a chance to pass up- for so many reasons.  But for all the fun of dressing up and getting to play with the adults for an evening, it was also a bit deflating.  I had fun with Brian, but he's not the man I want.  And dancing with the other young officers at the party only made me aware of how painfully young they really were.  I didn't want a boy.  I wanted a man.  I wanted Dino.  I wanted a shot at the 'maybes' and 'what ifs' that neither of us had ever explored before. 

So midnight rolled around and Cinderella was a pumpkin once more.  Brian brought me home, walked me to the door like the good friend he is, kissed my cheek and waited until I flicked the porch lights before he drove off.  Boy, pretty pathetic when Cinderella has to made do with some other woman's Prince Charming to get a date.  The thought was depressing but still make me laugh.  I was by no means drunk- but I was pleasantly buzzed on some very fine wine.   

I tossed my clutch purse onto the coffee table and smoothed my hands down over my dress with a sigh.  I love dressing up.  It makes me feel sexy and pretty... like I used to feel, once upon a time.  I decided to pour myself another glass of wine and just savor the feeling a little while longer.  I turned around and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Dino leaning against the doorjamb with an empty tumbler of scotch in his hand.  He definitely did not look happy.   

Crap.  

I'd expected to have to do a little soothing of the savage beast when I got home.... I knew dumping babysitting duty on him after a long day at work was a pretty shitty thing to do.... but I sure as hell hadn't expected him to jump into the dad routine.

DINO

I hadn't planned on doing it... but seeing her run her hands over her body in that dress just made something inside me snap.  "Who is he?  What does he do?"  Her mouth hung open a little in shock that I could be so rude... but fuck it.  I wasn't in the mood to be nice.  My fingers tightened on the glass as I thought about the ring I'd seen.  "You know he's married?  What kinda married guy takes a nice girl out?"  Something unreadable passed over her face at my 'nice girl' comment, but she didn't say anything.  I just took a deep breath and kept on going.  "Jesus... his kids will be older than you.  You know what he's after?"  OK, I hadn't intended for all that to come busting out, but once I got started, it was hard to stop.

Her eyes widened and then narrowed.  There was this huge long silence where we just stared at each other.  I'm the one with the training, though.  She broke first.  Her arms crossed defensively and she all but hissed at me, "He's Brigadier General Brian Eliot, nosey.  He commands the 2nd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment- " 

"Is that supposed to impress me?"  I snorted.  "He's still a jerk."

I saw that little flare in her eyes and new she was going to let me have it.  "He's married to Claire and they have two children...."  She gave me this frosty look that could have had the devil in earmuffs.  "....who, by the way, are both younger than I am."

Yeah, like that fucking makes it better.  Christ.  "See?  That just makes it worse."  

"Does it?"  Challenging me now.  

"Yeah... His wife is a young woman..."  I looked her up and down.  "Clearly he's got some kinda thing about young women... gets his kicks seeing nice girls on the side or some shit."  I rubbed a hand over my face and huffed in frustration.

Her eyebrows went up.  "You think I'm a nice girl?"  

What the fuck kinda question is that?  "Why wouldn't I?" 

She grinned and I could tell from the hint of unnatural brightness in her eyes that she'd had a glass or two of something while she was out.  Which probably accounted for her next words.  I think.  Either that or she was baiting me- which in my current mood was a serious mistake.  "Well, I am a nice girl...... mostly." 

"What's that supposed to mean?"  If she'd really been truly tipsy, she'd have giggled.  She didn't.  Her face got more serious and her eyes narrowed at me.

"Means I'm not so nice I won't kick your ass if you need it."

The thought of her kicking my ass was laughable but I got her meaning well enough.  Change of tactics then.  "Did I say something wrong?"

She huffed at me indignantly.  "Apart from the third degree?  You're not my father."

I winced at that.  "I didn't mean to.... I just know men... Know what they're like...."  Know what goes through their minds when they're out with a woman who looks like she does tonight.

She tossed my words right back at me.  "And what's that supposed to mean?"  How to answer that without sounding like a complete shit?  She gave me the eye and tapped that little foot of hers. 

Cool... be cool, man...  "OK... like me... I admit it."  Not playing now.  "But you're worth more than that."

"Hey!"  All indignant for me now instead of at me.  Women!  "You're a nice guy."

I thought about that woman I paid to fuck at The Red Door.  Nice?  Not likely, honey.  "Nice guy... yeah.... Mr. Nice Guy.  That's me."    

OK.  Impasse.  I could see it in her eyes.  Neither of us was too keen on being called 'nice.'  There was another awkward silence.

She sighed softly but uncrossed her arms.  Not quite so defensive anymore.  "As for Brian... you ever heard of SOM?"

SOM?  Support Our Marines.  Yeah, I had.  Used it with guys under my command.  Morale boost.  Little bit of home goes a long fucking way when you're on the other side of the world.  "Yeah."  Gave her a look.  Where was she going with this?

"Well, where do you think those packages come from?"

Light bulb moment.  Didn't give away the game, though.  "Little old ladies in Pasadena." 

She smiled a little.  "Yeah, young ladies and little redheaded boys in Sausalito, too..... Brian's the senior coordinator."  

I felt a blush rise.  Great.  "So he's a nice guy too...."

She gave me this look.  "Lots of 'nice' going around tonight."  She was pushing a little.  I wasn't too sure what to make of it- or quite how to respond. 

I tried to force that little spark of hope into submission.  "It's just a word."

"A word that means what?"  No way was I going to answer that.  I'd promised myself no pushing.  Another impasse.  Silence.  She had to take the first shaky steps by herself.  I wouldn't lead her.  Not in this.  Her color was high but she met my eyes.  "How about we try this, then....."  She struck an elegant pose.  "Is this a nice dress?"  Raised her leg and arched her foot.  "Nice shoes?"

Oh Jesus... this was actually happening.  This wild excitement crackled through me as I took in the dress.  And the shoes.  "Those are definitely NOT nice shoes," I breathed.  "Nice girls would never wear shoes like that...."  Looked at her hard.  Let her see me do it. 

The pulse in the hollow of her throat was beating so fast.  "No?"  She gave me this look, part sex kitten, part innocent. 

I shook my head and moved a step closer to her.  "Not if they want to stay nice."  

She did it- went for broke.  And didn't once look away from my eyes.  "Nice is.... lonely."  A step toward me.  "Nice is... cold."  Another step and then she was stopped before me.  "Nice is.... frustrating..... and sad.... and empty."  Exactly the place where we were at now. 

So close... if I lowered my mouth just a bit..... "This is...." I frowned a little, ".... a dangerous moment...."

Soft little smile from her.  "Nothing worthwhile ever comes without a little danger."  She looked me up and down.  "Or a lot of it."

I reached out a hand and touched her face.  She turned her cheek into my palm.  "Do you know what you might be getting into with a man like me?"  I had to ask her.  My other hand slipped around her back to hold her gently against me.

She shrugged a little.  "Maybe better than most."           

"Then you know more than I do."  I did not have relationships with women like her.  Not for a long, long time.

"What about you?  You have any idea what you might be getting into?"

I smiled.  "Not a clue.... is that dangerous enough for you?"  Before she could reply, I pulled her in for a kiss.  Long and slow and sweet.  Her lips were soft and she tasted so good.  I stroked her bottom lip with my tongue, asking for entry and hummed in pleasure when she granted it, letting her slick little tongue slide against mine.  We fell onto the couch and just kissed and kissed like we invented it.

For all our pent up desire, it was really very sweet.  She smiled against my lips.  I smiled back- until she whimpered softly and pushed herself up, rubbing gently against me.  Her lips parted under mine and I sank my tongue into her with a groan.  Her hands tightened on my shoulders, and as I took her mouth, she made these soft little noises in her throat that drove me wild.  She was tentative at first and then more bold, teasing her tongue against mine, tasting me, inviting me into her mouth.  I deepened the kiss and she suckled my tongue, flicking the tip with hers in this way that just went straight to my head and drew a raw growl from me. 

I was right about that sensual little library of hers.  Those books were very indicative of the way she touched a man.  I couldn't get enough of it, of her.  She tasted like warm willing woman and rich red wine.  Fuck.... the wine.  I knew I needed to stop this before it went too far... Actually, I kind of surprised myself there.  For all my frustration, I was happy just to have this.  Not to have to hide my feelings.  To just be able to touch her like this.  Feel her body next to mine.  To drink in the good things she said about me.  And somewhere in my mind was the notion that I wanted to treat her like I'd want someone to treat the Heather I once knew.  That I didn't want to treat her like that fucking puke Curry had.  I lifted my mouth from hers.

"Dean.... Dean, please...."  Her fingers clutched harder at me, pulling me closer.

God, hearing her beg so sweetly was too much.  I caught her lower lip in my teeth and sucked hard, releasing it and tightening my fist in her hair to bare her neck to me.  Trailed my mouth wetly across her cheek and down the side of her throat, nipping and sucking, rough and wild at first and then more softly, more gently until I was simply nuzzling her neck.  She smelled incredible. 

I wanted nothing more than to take her to my bed but this was the best shot at happiness I'd had in a long, long time and while I was able to wait, I would.  I was certain there would be plenty of other occasions later on where I wouldn't be able to stop.  I kissed her lips once more, sweetly, softly, and tucked her head under my chin as I wrapped my arms around her. 

She trembled against my chest and when she spoke, her voice was shaky.  "Wow."

I chuckled and pulled back to kiss the tip of her nose.  We kissed a little more, not hot and heavy, just enjoying holding each other close this way and talking openly, candidly.  "So, you want to give this a shot?"  Her eyes got big but she nodded slowly.  "I want it to be like it was before between us, the talks, the teasing," I cracked a grin but grew serious again.  "I just want both of us to be open to the possibility of something more.  Something lasting.  And I want more of what we shared tonight."  I wanted to be absolutely clear on that detail.  "We can make this work, honey.  Will you try?"         

She breathed a soft 'yes' against my lips but pulled back some too.  Her voice was a little hesitant.  "About wanting 'more of what we shared tonight'...."

I knew what she meant.  She wanted to wait a little.  To be honest, I did too.  We talked about it and decided to take it slow.  If we got this wrong, we blew it all.... and with Andy involved, that was one hell of a risk to take.  We decided to give it four weeks.  Time for Andy to get used to us being different with each other around him.  Time for us too. 

She whispered to me then.  Low and sweet about how she couldn't give her body without giving her heart.  Shy little blush on her when she said it.  It made me think about all the times I'd fucked a stranger and it had meant nothing.  Less than nothing.  Real love wasn't about how my dick could make her feel or about how putting it inside her could make me feel.  It was about the fact that when we did do that, it would mean something.  And I liked that it meant enough to her that she wanted to be sure it would.  I also heard what she wasn't saying.  That she wanted to be sure when I did give her my body, I'd be giving my heart too.

[11 Feb 2001  The couch.]

DINO

Got her little body snuggled right up next to me.  Well, almost.  Andy's burrowed between us, his head resting on her side while we all watch a movie on TV.  Well, he's watching it.  She's pretending to watch it- and I'm watching her.  I like hearing his little boy giggle, though.  The Fox and the Hound.  Top and Copper.  Heh.  He's still as nuts for dogs as ever.  He doesn't know it yet, but Heather and I have talked about it and he's going to get a puppy for Easter.

His eyes are starting to close.  He's just about ready to crash for the night and then we can come back here and cuddle a little more, this time without his body between ours.  Things between us are going well and he's taken the change in our relationship pretty much in stride.  He's a pretty demonstrative little guy so it wasn't really a big deal for him to see us touching more, kissing, her sitting on my lap, fooling around a bit while he's there.... holding hands.  Nothing too wild. 

Actually, his reaction was kind of funny.  I kind of thought he might be jealous but he wasn't, really.  Mostly he just wants in on the cuddling.  Heh.  To be honest, it kind of threw me at first.  Made me a little uncomfortable to share a kiss with her with him sitting between us on the couch- but it was kind of nice too.  A definite first for me.  She's a lot easier about it than I am.  It's like I'm fine being naked in the bathroom with just him.  Definitely fine with the idea of being naked in the bathroom with just her.... but still a little weird about being naked around them both together.  It's hard to find the balance between father and lover.  But at least I have time to work that out.

A little while later, my 'dad' duties done for the night, I was free to let the other side of my nature out to play for a while.  We found ourselves back on the couch, kissing and touching in a way we don't do when he's around.  Having her under me's a little too much temptation so I had her on her side, between my body and the back of the couch.  Gave me something to press her back against if I wanted, but mostly, I think I just liked it 'cause it was cozy.  Intimate.  Different too.  It's been a long fucking time since I just necked with a pretty girl on a couch.  I'd forgotten how much fun it could be.

I'd forgotten how good it felt to just laugh with a girl, forgotten what it was like to hold someone close to me that I cared about.  Forgotten what it did inside me to hear the stuff that people say in those moments.  How it filled up these empty corners inside me to hear her tell me that I was a good father.  A good man.  Strong.  Brave.  Handsome.  That she loved to touch me.  To be touched by me.  That I made her feel safe.  And hot.  And happy. 

Tonight she didn't want to talk.  I kissed her until the rhythm of her breathing changed and then lay there with my hand slowly stroking her hip while I let her undo the buttons at my throat and slowly pull the tails of my shirt from my pants so she could slip her hand under to touch the small of my back. 

It was getting harder and harder to stop these languid little necking sessions... but we weren't at that point quite yet.  I caught the slim strap of her tank top with my finger and slipped it down a little so I could put my mouth on her naked shoulder.  Kissed my way up her neck and then pulled away to watch her face while I covered her breast with my hand and thumbed her nipple into a hard little pebble.  We didn't kiss then; just lay there breathing each other in.  She smelled of vanilla and sandalwood and the musky scent of a warm, aroused woman. 

Smiled at her while I slipped a hand between us and into my pants to adjust my erection- both for my pleasure and hers- before I slid my hand down her hip, pulled her leg up over mine and fit myself into the cradle of her hips.  I didn't grind into her.  I just held her close and let her feel what she did to me.  There's something indescribably intimate about laying together so close and just breathing in the same rhythm.  Feeling her heart beat against mine.  Mostly I just kind of let my hand tease over the sweet curve of her ass and we'd kiss for a little while until we got up and went to sit in the sauna together.  That's how most evenings ended these days.

Tonight she was reluctant to let me go.  Held me tighter than usual, eyes closed, her face buried against my neck.  Her breathing was erratic but still slow and deep.  I felt her hand tighten for just a moment at the small of my back as her hips shifted a little against mine.  The first time it happened, I didn't think anything of it, really.  Just held her a bit tighter and stroked her hair.  Then I felt it again.  The softest press against my dick and the slight pressure of her hand on my back.  The third time it happened, I realized it was rhythmic.  And that she was holding her breath.  Oh, honey.... wait.

I'm not even sure she was aware she was doing it until the hand at my back fluttered and then became a firm pressure as her hips pressed forward again.  This time she kept them there and kind of rolled them against me with this subtle little rocking and pressed her face hard into my neck.  The next thing I knew, she was making this little whimper against my throat and shaking with this intense orgasm that seemed to have taken us both by surprise.

I might have misjudged the level of her arousal initially, but I knew what she needed now.  My hand hard at the small of her back, pressing her square over my dick and pulling her in tight to give her the pressure and friction I knew she'd need to make it good for her.  Her shaky little gasp told me I was right.  A few more seconds and all the tension seemed to rush out of her.  She sort of melted into me, breathing fast and shallow and hid her face from me.

Damn.  She's certainly more responsive than I imagined.  Lucky me.  I was surprised.  And pleased.  And a bit smug, to tell the truth.  She was surprised too, I think.  And embarrassed.  I touched her cheek softly.  "Hey..... don't hide your face.... I want to see that blush."

I also wanted to kiss her.  There's just something about kissing a woman in those soft moments right after she comes.  It's the one moment when I know she can't hide the truth.  And it's a giving moment.  No barriers.  No secrets.  It's actually my favorite sensual experience with a woman and I wanted to share it with her.  Now.  Like this.

She was so beautiful to me in that moment.  Demure.  A soft blush.  A little afraid to meet my gaze.  Mouth parted just slightly, her lips a tiny bit swollen from my kisses.  Our eyes met for just a moment and there was this open warmth there for me I'd never seen before.  I lowered my mouth and kissed her, just drank in everything those precious moments could tell me about her.  She returned the kiss and stroked me softly.  First my shoulder, then my waist and finally over the front of my jeans, showing me what she wanted.

The phone rang.

I ignored it.  Tried to.  We broke apart.  I kissed her again, well aware I was fighting a losing battle.  She pushed at me.  "You have to get that." 

I groaned and buried my face in her neck.  "No I don't."  

"Yes, you do."  She laughed softly and pushed at me again.  "It's the bat phone, Dean."

I snorted.  That's what she calls my cell.  The one that only has that distinctive ring when it's an emergency.  Of the ransom variety.  Fuck.  I groaned again and dragged myself away from her.  She got up and brought me the phone.  I rolled to a sit and made a futile attempt to adjust myself.  It hurt. 

I saw Terry's number flashing on the display and hit the button.  "O'Leary- this better be good, pal."  He talked.  I felt the adrenaline begin to rush.  "Who?  Fuck...."  I looked over at Heather and shook my head.  It wasn't good.  "Yeah... yeah.... sure.  One hour?  Not a problem.  Yeah, I will.  Right, man.  Later."

I hung up and looked over at Heather.  "Terry sends his love."  

She grinned at me.  "Yeah?  Lucky you.  Your girlfriend have anything to say to me?"  We both smiled but it didn't touch her eyes.  Or mine.  She squeezed my hand.  "Is it bad?"

"Yeah...."  I made a quick mental decision.  "It's off the record, honey.  Someone we know from when we worked back at Luthan....  Old operative.  His wife and kid are missing.  Thinks he has a solid line on her... but needs help.  He doesn't want cops involved."  Gave her a hard look.  "I wouldn't either if it was my wife."

She just nodded.  "Where.....?"

I just shook my head.  "North."  That's all I could tell her.  We're meeting a helicopter downtown in..." I checked my watch.  "Little less than two hours."  Port of call?  Toronto.  Then north from there.

"How long will you be gone?"  

"I don't know.  Terry thinks couple of days, maybe a week."  I did a swift calculation.  "Shit- Valentine's Day... I'm sorry, honey...."

She looked at me as if I'd grown two heads.  "I don't care about that.  Just bring yourself back safe, OK?"

We shared a slow kiss and then I got my ass in gear.  Was packed in ten minutes.  Had the rest of my gear collected in twenty.  Was in and out of the shower- shaved and dressed with fifteen minutes to spare.  Spent a few of those saying goodbye to Andy.  The rest with Heather. 

We stood on the front porch next to my pile of gear, arms around each other tight.  She pulled back and stroked my jaw with one tiny hand.  Something wild flared in her eyes.  "Kiss me." 

I slid my hand up under the back of her jacket and settled it on the small of her back as I pulled her into my body and lowered my mouth to hers.  Her eyes fluttered shut at the feel of my mouth, wet and urgent against hers.  The fire we'd started earlier still burned in me and feeling her like this stoked it pretty good.  With a growl, I offered her my tongue, pushing my hips at her when she suckled it.  She tasted good.  Familiar to me now.  She hummed her pleasure into my mouth as my fingers stroked the satiny skin of her back. 

I registered the sound of an approaching car before her and gentled the kiss, pulling my hand from under her top as I stilled my hips.  Getting caught sharing a kiss that was mostly hidden inside my overcoat was one thing.  Getting caught grinding against her while I had my hand under her top was another thing entirely.  I drew back and kissed the tip of her nose, knowing Terry would be pulling into our drive in a minute or two.  I could already see his headlights in the gloom. 

"You two going to be OK?"  I always worry about them. 

"We'll be fine.  Just be safe."  She hugged me hard.  "Come back to us.  We'll be waiting for you."  I nodded into her neck.  What man wouldn't crawl through hell to come back to this?  I stepped away from her as Terry pulled in and opened the car door. 

He waved and called a quiet greeting to her.  "Evening, love.  Sorry to break up the party.  Duty calls."  He glanced over at me and gave me a pointed look.  "Bird's in the air, mate.  We're rolling in five."  Translation- No long goodbyes.  Not my style anyway. 

I checked my watch and nodded.  "In five."  Terry's cell rang and he walked to the end of the drive to answer it while I loaded my gear and my bag in the trunk. 

"A helicopter?"  She looked surprised.

"Hey, it's good to be me," I teased.  Checked my watch again and met her eyes.  "Rolling in two."  I bent my head so I could whisper in her ear.  "Kiss me again, honey.  I want to taste you in my mouth until the sun rises."

I held her tightly and covered her mouth with mine.  The kiss was slow and deep and wet.  I controlled it and she let me; let me take whatever I needed from the kiss and then I was gone.  Left her on the porch and turned up my collar against the cold night.

She called out one last goodbye- to both of us and told us to keep safe and not to have too much fun.  We grinned.  She laughed.  "Hey Mister It's-Good-To-Be-Me?" she called out.

I paused at the car door.  "Yeah?"         

"Might be better to be you if you wiped the shaving cream out of your ear."   

Terry snickered as he tossed his cell over to me and climbed in.

"Gee thanks, honey."  I blew her a kiss and got in the car.  The old man was still laughing.  I grinned at him and wiped away the shaving cream I'd missed.  "Can't fucking take me anywhere, can ya?"

He smirked as he backed the car out of the drive.  "Well, I've always thought you were an ugly bastard, but the ladies seem to like you well enough."  Terry's eyes went back to Heather.  "Especially that one."

"Thank Christ."  I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and grinned.  Damned if I couldn't still taste her.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, wishing that phone call hadn't come when it did.  But also kind of glad.  I wasn't sure we'd have gone all the way tonight.  We might have, but even if we didn't, it would have been close and I wouldn't have wanted to leave her right after.  I wanted to show her that it meant something, you know?

TERRY

We rode in silence for a while.  I was a little surprised he hadn't said anything.  Usually he jabbers on like a pixie on speed but tonight he just had this odd little smile and he was unusually still.  I've been on a fair number of jobs with him and he's never this calm.  Always taking.  Leg bouncing.  Hands and mouth and brain going a million miles a minute.  Usually by this point he was so jacked up he was fidgeting with everything.  This stillness of his was making me nervous.

I looked over at him.  "You all right, Red?"           

"I'm fine."  He paused a minute.  "Why?  Don't I look all right?"

"You're smiling.  You look like a fucking pussycat.  Where's your game face, mate?  We've a meeting on the bird in twenty minutes and they are going to think you don't know your arse from a hole in the ground if you arrive looking like that."

He chuckled.  "I'm happy, Terry.  For the first time in a long time, I'm happy."

I rubbed my jaw thoughtfully.  We've been mates for years.... been through a lot of shit together.  I can count the number of times he's told me he's happy on one hand.  I fixed my gaze on the road.  "I'm glad you found it again.  Grab it while you can, mate, and don't let go."  He looked a bit surprised by my words.  Little wonder there.  I don't do heart to hearts as a matter of course, but he is my best mate and there are times- few and far between, but they are there- when I do speak from the heart.       

"Thanks, man.  I plan to."  

I grinned.  "Now, shove all that lovey-dovey crap in some deep dark hole and slam the fucking door on it."  I pulled into the corporate lot that housed the heliport we were using.  "And find your game face and put it the hell on.  You know how I bloody hate having to hold your hand...."

He laughed.  "Get fucked, old man."          

I stopped the car and checked my watch.  "Bird in five, Red."  We got out and he walked a ways away and lit up.  I did too, already bemoaning the notion of Canada in winter.  I detest the cold.  I looked over at Dino.  He was talking a brisk walk to the edge of the chain-link.  I blew out a stream of smoke into the night sky.  I hope he manages to get his head sorted.  He is a damn good agent.  Sharp.  And I needed him on this.  Something here I just couldn't quite put my finger on.  We would work it out eventually.  We always do.   

He was grinning when he got back, wound up as ever for the action.  I slammed the car door.  Overhead, the steady thwocking of the rotor was just beginning to be audible.  Another few moments and we'd have a visual.  I took a drag and gave him the once over out of the corner of my eye.  That tender look he'd had earlier was gone.  He was all business now.  Thank Christ.  I hefted my bag up onto my shoulder and raised my eyebrows at him.  "Nice to see you, mate.  Good of you to make it."       

His smile was cocky.  So was the rude gesture he made in my direction.  The helicopter was in sight now.  I took one last drag and flicked away the butt.

His smile got bigger.  "Let's rock and roll."