Nervous. 

Excited. 

Scared. 

If I smoked, I'd have been chain smoking right then. The thought crossed my mind, Maybe I should have a drink - to chill out. 

No. I wanted to be totally lucid for this. I wanted to see, smell, hear, taste everything. I wanted it burned into soul. 

He called and said he'd be home less than an hour. Asked - gently, I might add - if I could meet him at his house, to which I agreed. But not before a total overhaul. Shower, shave (who knew leg hair could grow to be that long?), hair pulled up off my neck, light makeup. A white cotton summer dress, strappy at the shoulders, maybe 3inches above the knee, matching sandals. My scars be damned.

I was done hiding from him. 

When I arrived at his house, it was immaculate and empty. Colin and Dominic were nowhere in sight. I noticed some fresh cut flowers on the kitchen table. Hando's bedroom - bed made, everything in perfect order. Bathroom - still not finished, but as tidy as possible.

I checked my look in the mirror every 2 minutes. The first time I walked by the mirror in the hallway, I startled myself. I thought I was someone else. The grandfather clock in the den ticked away the seconds. Tick tock tick tock. The pendulum hypnotizing in its graceful side-to-side swing. Hurry, Hando.

The wait is killing me. I don't think I can stand sitting here on this fucking plane another minute. We had landed, but were waiting to pull up to the gate. Pilot mentioned something about a stalled luggage cart. I thought about calling her again, letting her know I could be 15 to 30 minutes late. Not a good idea. I was able to play it cool the first time - don't think I could pull it out of the hat a second time.

I mentally ran through all my plans. Colin and Dom - stay the night at Teen's house, along with Deke. House spotless. Refrigerator stocked. All her favorite foods. Flowers. I hope Colin did what I asked...eh, I know he wouldn't let me down. No matter how much grief I give them, they are the best mates a bloke could have.

Calm down. Close eyes. Count. 20-19-18-17...

I drove like a bloody bat out of hell. I made it to Marion in 8 minutes. More than made up for the time I spent on the damned runway. Checked myself in the rear view one last time before turning onto my street. I could see my house. I got a chubby just thinking about what was waiting for me inside. I could taste her. I could feel her from there. She was waiting...and she was just as nervous as I.

Walking to the front door, duffel in hand, deep breath. Opened the door. 

There she was...standing at the glass doors at the back of the house, observing the garden in the back yard. An angel in white. From where I stood, the dress left little to the imagination. The sun was casting its rays through the doors and I could clearly see the outline of her legs straight up through the dress.

Dress. When have I ever seen her in a dress like that? 

I slowly strolled to her, taking passing note of the house, the flowers on the table - satisfied. She knew I was here. I saw goosepimples run across her shoulders and arms as I got closer. What to do? Where do I start? Easy, mate.

Calm down. One step at a time. 

God, I love her. 

I wrapped myself around her from behind. Inhaled her scent, making me delirious. She melted into my arms. Oh how I've missed her! Easy...no pansy tears, mate. On the level. Buck up.

She turned around to face me, and took my breath away. All the extra attention she's given to herself, for me. The months of pain, angst, and uncertainty faded away. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she stood up on her tiptoes to kiss me, signaling that she was ready. My patience had paid off. I gathered her into my arms and carried her up the stairs to our private chamber. Her first time viewing what I had designed and built for us. Colin had come through. Lit candles of all sizes everywhere. Roses of every color imaginable in vases, floating in bowls of water, petals on the floor, the bed.

It was like a dream. It was perfection. I was speechless at the care this hardened man had taken for me. The hideaway was incredible. Hando placed me onto my feet and I walked around, peering into the beautifully constructed bathroom...the candles! Oh, the roses - how I love them. Tears slipped down my face. It was too much to fathom - how someone like Hando - a violent, unrelenting being - could create this. I turned and walked back to my partner, absorbing him. A perfectly starched, crisp, white button down. Signature tank underneath. The silver cross, my birthday gift to him last year, around his neck, sparkling in the candlelight.

Faded jeans. Boots. Freshly trimmed beard. Close cropped hair. The deep tan he had acquired - a sharp contrast to his clothing. Blue-green eyes shimmering with tears he was fighting to keep in check. My body reacted posthaste. My breasts tingled, nipples like 22-caliber bullets. The dew pooling between my legs, about to become a river.

Hando stared down into my eyes, speaking volumes. He sank to his knees and held me around my waist, resting his head on my belly. Running my fingers through the soft fuzz on his head, I thanked every deity I could think of - for this moment - for this man.

A slow move to look up at me, asking permission for what he was about to do, for what he was about to take...and give to me. I smiled. He stood. His nimble fingers found my hair clip and released my tresses to tumble down on my shoulders and back. Curling his middle fingers under the shoulder straps of my dress, he eased them down. My sole piece of clothing fell to the floor. I stood there, unafraid, unashamed, naked. He caressed my breasts with both hands. The roughness of his skin making my core ache for him. In a trance, he licked his upper lip and led me to the bed, motioning me to lie down. I complied and was rewarded handsomely.

Hando unbuttoned his shirt and allowed it to fall to the floor off his shoulders. He peeled his wife-beater off with one hand, over his head. He toed off his boots, and unbuttoned his jeans - but left them on. He knew. Him wearing nothing but unbuttoned jeans was my perve. The dusting of hair disappearing into his pants was such a tease. We spun ourselves around each other kissing, licking, caressing, oh so slowly.

Relearning every touch, every emotion. I was in a place where I felt as if I would fall unconscious if he didn't take me and ease my need. I felt my way down to his zip and lowered it. Hando stopped and looked at me once more with those pleading eyes.  My voice hoarse from the heavy breathing. "Now. I need you, please?" I choked on the last word.

He stood up, freeing himself from the bonds of his jeans. His cockhead was the deepest color of purple I had ever seen. He must have been quite uncomfortable all this time, but never let on. I scooted myself back onto the bed, so that I was resting on the pillows, affording myself a better view of this well endowed creature. Beads of sweat on his brow and upper lip shone in the dim light. I realized at once that he was pure grace under pressure. Keeping himself in check must have taken all his might. I quietly gasped and mewed, parting myself for him. Willing him to make me his...again.

He lay over me, his need pressed against my center. His cross dangled down and teased my neck. Smoothing my hair away from my face, he kissed me. His hand found my sex slick and ready. He coated his length in my juice and positioned himself to enter. I closed my eyes, in a momentary panic. What if this wasn't good for him? What if the cover was really better than the book? "Tina. Look at me. I need to see your eyes... I love you."

With that he pushed inside. I came instantly. Arching my back, crying out his name, I came! I could feel so much more than before! It was as if hundreds more nerve endings had been implanted inside. I could feel every bit of Hando's geography. Unimaginable bliss! I rode the waves and soon was treated to Hando's climax. I felt his precious seed pulsing into me. Anointing me. He rolled me over on the bed with him, embracing me, mumbling nonsense words of possession and contentment.

We napped. Sated and right where we were supposed to be. Some time later, I felt Hando brush his lips across my forehead and whispered about grabbing us some beer. 

Sounded wonderful. I was parched, and pleasantly sore. I quietly marveled at how quick our first time together had been. Months of anticipation, I supposed.

Hando goosed my thigh with a cold bottle when he returned, I shrieked and threw a pillow at him. We play wrestled, toasted each other and chatted, enjoying each other's company. I had never heard him talk so much. He was definitely on a high. I liked him this happy almost as much as I liked him broody and mean.

Restless, he went to the bathroom and shut the door. That's odd. He's never shut the bathroom door before at my house, or downstairs. When did he become modest?

I took the solitude and explored the room a bit more. Wrapping myself in a sheet, investigated. The bed. Must have been custom, as I've never seen one that large. Armoire - TV, DVD, and VCR inside. Huge window seat. Perfect for reading or writing. A rocking chair? A bit out of place, but maybe an antique he stumbled upon. I picked up the teddy bear that was resting there and had a seat, holding the furry bear to my chest. Perfect view of the moon and stars out the window. I rocked and hummed a tune to myself. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Get a grip, mate. Steady on, now. Deep breath. Count. 

I opened the bathroom door and did a double take. Teener was in the rocking chair holding a .... oh, that's the teddy bear that I found in an old chest.

Christ, but she looks so natural there. I thought I had seen her holding our son...or our daughter. I second guessed the decision I had made. Who was I to deny her that? I would spend the rest of my days making it up to her. I softly walked to her and ran my fingers through her hair. S'now or never.

Dropping to one knee, I took her left hand. Made eye contact and spoke, "I told you months ago that I wanted to be with you forever. That I would make it happen. I can't think of any other way, Tina. I have to have you for all time."

I pulled the antique diamond ring out of my pocket and pushed it onto her finger. Perfect fit! "Be my wife. Say that you'll stay with me. Love me." My speech didn't go as I had rehearsed, but I think I got my point across. She had a death grip on the bear and her eyes were as big as a saucer. She couldn't speak. She just bobbed her head up and down. I picked her up and twirled her around until we both fell on the floor, dizzy.

I spent the rest of the night and well into the next day at her side. Reveling in this new journey we were about to take. Finally, I would have my family. We would adopt...or...maybe she would consider an offer that had been made to us. Now was not the time to ask, although I had planned on it. We were due at Reagan's tomorrow.Perfect timing. A retreat for us as a couple.