HANDO

Report to family 
7/5/03 5:34am 

At approximately 9pm last night, Maximus made contact with Teener, who was last seen with me, bidding her good-night after a trip to the picture show earlier this week.

I pause to interject, that although I could feel she was close by, my decision to give her the space needed to sort out herself was not only unwise - but in this case - devastating.

Maximus contacted me, alerting me to her whereabouts. He communicated that she was in a condition that required medical attention. I would hope that Maximus didn't really believe that I could have inflicted the types of wounds that she carried.

I dialed 911 and sent them to her motel room at the West Memphis Holiday Inn. 

Colin and I traveled there, post haste. We all arrived simultaneously. If only we could have known what was about to happen...

Teener was barricaded in her room. She would not answer the door. Although 

Maximus was communicating with her at the time, he was helpless to stop her. I was at the door with the paramedics, pleading with her to let me in. I remember Maximus previously mentioning that Teener was armed, but it was forgotten in the excitement.

Two shots were fired. One through the door, hitting me. One striking her, self inflicted. 

I'll be honest with you - I don't remember much until hours later at the Regional Medical Center in Memphis. 

As luck would have it, the bullet hit my belt buckle. The door tempered much of 

its force. Shards from the door caused some superficial damage to my skin. Colin told me later that I bled like a stuck pig - he thought for sure I was a goner.

I learned later that Teen had turned the gun on herself - aiming for her head, but missed and only grazed her neck. It was her previous wounds that were critical.

I've questioned Max over and over - trying to grasp every little detail. Wanting to understand why. Wanting to know what happened to her. I was thankful to learn that Dominic had contacted Bou and kept her abreast of the activity. He may be quiet, but he has the fortitude of a mountain. His experience in the Vietnam war no doubt attributes to it. Bou made plans to send Cort home and fly into Memphis International Airport to be with me.

Could things have gotten worse? Apparently so. I learned from Max that Teener's recent breakthrough in dealing with her abuse-laden childhood has split her in two - literally. For weeks now, she has had spells of lost time - blackouts. I was aware of this and chalked it up to residual effects of her malady. I had no idea that she was becoming two people who were fighting over control of her actions. The short losses of time were moments where My Teener had temporarily weakened and lost control. Her other self was an angry pre-teenager, who hated those that took her innocence away and ruined her for all time. She blamed all men and was out for vengeance.

Exhausted from the week's events, My Teener must have given in to the angry young girl. We may never know what really happened after that. 

At the urging of the physicians - when Teener initially broke down weeks ago - I sought legal custody of her and her estate. Even if only temporary, it would ensure that she was taken care of no matter what. Who else did she have? Only me. She urged me to go through it, else I would have never done such an extreme thing. Dino proved to be a great help in all this, and for that I am forever grateful to him - but again, had I known what sort of things would be asked of me...I would have refused the idea entirely.

The authorities suggested having her committed, voluntarily, for observation, thorough testing, and rehabiliation. I balked, but they told me it would only be a matter of time before I wouldn't have a choice in the matter. Reluctantly, I signed the form that sent her to her sterile, white prison.

If you could have seen her...seen the damage - I don't know if she did it to herself, or if she was an unwilling participant. The gash on her face that she tried to sew up herself. The bruises. The rope burns. The mangled fingers - broken...the missing fingernails. Above all - the far away look in her eyes. Having seen that, and only that - was my excuse for agreeing to her entry into the psychiatric ward.

There are other things. Things that make me sick to my stomach to think of. The physician tells me the tests show evidence of 6 distinctly different male partners, but he thinks there were more. This is only what he was able to collect from her vaginally and anally.

When I thought I had hit rock bottom, I learned that yes, I could be shoved lower than zero. It seems that Teener endured some extreme damage to her insides...down there. What they thought they could repair turned into an exercise in futility. Once again, I was asked to play god. To decide the fate of one person. My head spun with the details - what exactly they were removing...the consequences, both physical and emotional.

Will she ever forgive me? I've just agreed to take away any chance she would ever have to bear children. I know my seed would have always been dead to her...

What have I done? 

They have discharged me after over-night observation. Bou is taking me home. The authorities are making noises like they want to press charges against her.

Hasn't enough happened? I'm so tired. I hope that Bou will call Dino to see if he can stop this. So much drama, so little happiness. I remember crying my heart out as they sedated Teener and wheeled her bed down the hall, past the secure, caged entry way labeled, "Psychatric Ward".

What of us? What is the future? 

CORT

Update 
7/9/03 12:00pm

Hi y'all- 

Just wanted to let you know that I've seen Teener, and she's looking good. She's been through a lot, with the surgery and all, but the doctor's say she's making good progress, physically and mentally.

After speaking with her for a little bit, I went against the doctor's advice and told her about Hando, what she'd done. I suspected that she was coming around to remembering, so I figured it would be better for her to hear it from me. She asked for him, and he's with her now. They're healing together.

I can't tell you how proud I am of that boy. He's got some steel in him. Delivered all the love you sent with me, and plenty of my own. With her family's love and support, Teener will be back with us soon.

More to follow