HANDO

Better late than never... 

A day late and a dollar short - isn't that what Teen says? I think it is. Some things have happened with her - I don't know what I should say, what she would be comfortable with you knowin' right now. I'll just say she is sorting some things out and needs some time. I'm sure she'll tell all of you about it in her own time.

Teen wanted so badly to write her remembrances of the Cruise and vacation. She feels like she is letting everyone down. 

If you could see her, you'd understand that she doesn't have the strength for it right now. Since I find myself with time on my hands while keeping an eye on her, I thought I would do my best to share what I can remember of the trip.

No fuckin' idiotic comments from the peanut gallery, eh? I never said I was a writer. I'm doin' this for her. 

Where to start? 

I know she wrote about her punishment, heh. I think somewhere in the back of me feeble brain, I knew she would have at Dino, given the chance. She can't help it. That's her. She knows what side her bread is buttered on when it comes down to it, though. A bloke can tell when another has been at their Sheila. You bints have women's intuition and all that shit. Us guys, we know. You can try to hide it. You could bathe in bleach, and it still wouldn't hide the smell that you and your conquest give off when the two of you are near each other. I should know - Teen reeks of me...all the time. It's how I know she's near. Through all that perfume and crap she wears, I smell me on her.

Cort has been a great help to me. He listens and offers advice based on his own experience. My past ain't pretty, and sometimes I offer a little more detail than is necessary. He may go stone pale and become speechless, but he has never made me feel less of a person. Between him and my shrink, they've successfully taught me to close my eyes and count when I feel the pot boiling over.

Unfortunately, the steam has to escape somewhere - but that is another story for another time. 

So there we were, Cort, Teener, Isobel, and me. Up walks Dino. Before he opened his trap, I knew. I started counting until the pounding in my chest subsided. How could I blame Dino? Look at her! How can anyone keep their hands off her - when she can't keep hers to herself? I was sure - without asking - that Teener instigated the whole deal. When she sets about something, she will not be denied. It will be the death of her, mark my words.

Such a naughty thing. She deserved what she got. Heh. 

Before I went to dispense her punishment, Terry summoned me for a debriefing. 

That bloke sure can be all business sometimes, you know? It's like flicking a switch. He goes from asshole laid-back Terry to asshole gotta dot the I's and cross the T's Terry. No worries mate. Ain't tryin' to start a scuffle. Try as we may, I don't think we'll ever get along, but as long as he's signin' the checks, I can keep to myself.

That night, at the hotel, I couldn't sleep. I think I was actually nervous about being around everyone at once. I'm much better with people, one on one - or at least in small numbers. I knew that there would be the group of them that didn't take too kindly to my presence. Who wants to be where they aren't wanted? Not me. I tried to get out of this trip, I did. Teener and Bou were having none of it. You'd think that they would take pity on me - as if I really wanted to be anywhere near a beach or the water. I am so pussy-whipped. I must work to fix that.

As I lay in the bed, watching the ceiling fan blades in the moonlight, Teen rolled over and cuddled in a ball at my side. God, she is precious when she sleeps. A wave of peace lapped over me. I knew as long as she was there, I would be all right on this trip. Sometimes I don't understand all this emotion crap. I felt a tickle on my nose and brushed at it. What the fuck? A tear? Ho...I was turning pansy for sure. Well, fuck it. If this is what it's like to have someone who means this much to me, I guess I need to carry around a frigging box of Puffs. Christ.

Up with the sun, as usual. Never miss a sunrise, if I can help it. I roused my lazy little sprite out of the bed, resorting to threats of more punishment if she didn't shake a leg. Heh. Once I knew her morning demons had left the area, I joined her in the shower.

She doesn't talk much in the morning, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to play. I rubbed her neck and shoulders as the near scalding water fell upon us. I had something that needed tending to, so I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. She felt it right away and turned to kneel in front of me. How does she do that? Just watching her move into that position and look up at me with trusting eyes made my groin tense and contract. I gave myself a couple of tugs as she made herself comfortable. I held it at the base as she took it entirely into her mouth. Another thing that the counting works on is this. I closed my eyes and counted so I wouldn't shoot my load right off. I wasn't always this way. I suppose its part of our connection. When you know someone - know what they are capable of - I think the imagination goes to town and it's so hard to control it. I massaged her scalp with my fingertips as she soundly sucked my cock. She was absolutely the best suck I've ever had. Teen does this thing with her teeth on my head, Christ. I think I may need to stop writing and go wank off so I can continue. Heh.

Where was I? I propped my foot on the side of the tub to give her better access to my jewels. Fuck, what she does to me. It wasn't long before the "other" side of me took over and announced that I needed to be inside her - her mouth wasn't enough.

I grabbed her arm, startling her, and lifted her up to the wall. I shoved her down on my bolt without thinking. I heard her gasp and I rushed back to reality. I never stopped to see if she was ready. Hell, I bruised her arm when I grabbed it. She cooed in my ear, "Its ok, Hando - I'm always ready for you. Don't stop now..." I could see the sincerity when I moved to look into her eyes. I kissed her as softly as I could and rocked my hips in and out. I lapsed back into the animal.

Her scent. Her honey. Tight. Soft. Warm. 

Mine. 

Can't stop. Harder. Faster. 

Mine. 

No one else's. 

Mine. 

She was mewing her satisfaction, but I didn't hear anything she said. I just knew that I was fucking her and that is what I was supposed to do - mark her as mine.

I spilled into her cunt and she milked every last drop from me. This will sound stupid, but for a split second after I come in her, I'm sad that nothing can ever happen from it. I wonder how it is for normal couples. I suppose they spend all their time worrying about not getting preggers. Damn shame. Say what you want, but I think I'd make a damn good father. I could write a book on what NOT to do as a parent. As much as I love Teen, I curse this life of mine. Why is it that the things we want most in life are the very things we cannot have? I could have what I want in the portal, but not with her.

I was in a bit of a frisky mood the morning we boarded the ship. I was doing my best to cover my apprehension, which usually makes me act out. I made some cocky remarks to the Captain - stirred him up a little. Kinda felt like I needed to make everyone aware of who they were dealing with. Of course, Teen took all the wind out of those sails the first chance she got me alone and told me I'd better behave, or else! Yeah...like I'm gonna listen to her.

Later in the day, Teen suggested I talk to Reagan about that day...on the beach.

The entire time I argued with her about it, I didn't realize that she was leading me to where Reagan was sitting in a lounge chair. Fuck. You can't trust these bints. They stick together like rice. I began counting again. I was trying to be good, but this made me angry. Why would Teen go and share my private demons with other people? The logical part of my brain told me that she did it to help me. I don't care. Still peeves me. Teen held my hand and I concentrated on Reagan's voice, as instructed. Wasn't so bad, really. Maybe I wouldn't hurl that day after all.

Dinner wasn't too bad either. Even though I felt out of place in the white silk shirt and grey slacks I was wearing, it was worth the pain to see the appreciation in Teen's eyes. No, not appreciation - more like "you are my dessert, tonight". Heh. I was glad that no mention had been made about Reagan and I. I just knew that some smart ass would bring all that up and poke fun. I leaned over and quietly thanked her for her help. She told me to see her anytime during the cruise, if I needed her - and winked. What? Oh, there was a veiled invitation there. So maybe now the skinhead isn't too far over the tracks for her now? Heh. No worries. I promised her later that I wouldn't tell and I won't.

When Teen announced to the entire group that my willie was named Lil' H., (seems the girls were having a discussion about dick names and all...), I thought I'd strangle her right there. My hand clamped onto her knee and I told her that she was really pushing it. Bright eyes sparkling, she raised her eyebrows and asked me what else she needed to do before I would exact more punishment on her. Bad, bad, bad girl, that one.

I'll say this. Jack is a damn fine musician. He has heart - you can feel it when you listen and watch him play. He also has Annie. Damn lucky bloke. 

Oh, sorry - but I'm out of time for now. Trying to get her to eat, and she says the only thing that sounds good to her is a grilled cheese sammy. Better go put my chef's hat on and get to it...