Day 1, Sunday

Whatever emotion he is feeling, Jack displays it in his face and in his bearing. Most often, you see his good humor and natural exuberance.

"Why are you taking that with you?" he asked me in this morning. When I glanced up at him from packing my suitcase, I stopped in mid movement at the look on his face.

"Jack? What's wrong?"

His big hand swept into my open suitcase and grabbed a wisp of raw black silk. "You bought this to wear for me. Not for them."

"Excuse me?" I smiled at him. Reached out to take the negligee from him. He backed up and held it up where I couldn't reach it. I gave him a puzzled look. "What's wrong with me taking that with me this week?"

"This is for me to see you in. Not them."

Hands on my hips and studying him. "Okay, well, fine if you feel that way ... I ... It's not a problem, I won't take it. But ... What's gotten into you, Jack? Ever since Stephen got here, you've been ... well, you have been rather difficult to please."

"I have not been. You, my dear, on the other hand ... well, let me just put it to you. You and Stephen have been monopolizing every conversation with salacious musings about the week you will be together."

I laughed. I mean, really! First of all, Diary, Stephen and I were not going to 'be together' like he made it sound. I had simply asked Stephen to stop by here two days before we were all supposed to be gathering at the Temple. Well, not all of us, of course. Just the women and the men without Number Ones. Temple Week. A chance for the women to pay undivided attention to the Temple Boys -- the guys who didn't get invited for visits nearly as much as the "A-Team."

Which includes Stephen. So I'd invited Stephen to visit here first because it had been a while for him and Jack to spend time together and because I thought it would be nice to have a traveling companion when I went up to the Temple. Besides, Stephen and I never spent any time together and, since he was Jack's 'particular friend,' I was looking forward to getting to know him when it would just be us.

But not in the way Jack made it sound. I mean, he made it sound like Stephen and I were going to be getting it on during Temple Week. Hey, Diary? I may be blind about some things, but I was never blind to the fact that Jack would not like the idea of me and Stephen as lovers. Furthermore, I knew it was an unspoken acknowledgement between Jack and Stephen.

Still ... it seemed to me that Jack's fugue state was really about his concern that by not speaking about it to either of us, it was going to be an issue that nagged at him. And to dispel his bad humor, I thought maybe he needed a bit of reassurance in this morning. So I stopped packing and pushed him into an overstuffed chair in the sitting area of the bedroom. And even though his tense body did not seem to welcome me, I perched myself on his knee and hugged in around his neck.

"Beloved, I apologize if we've made you uncomfortable with our talk of Temple Week. But it is a special week for the other men. And it's only a week." He refused to touch me back so I wiggled in upon his lap. I put my mouth next to his ear and cooed to him, "Nothing sexual will ever happen between Stephen and I. You want us to be friends though, don't you?"

Even though he made this "tsk" sound of censure at my frank words on a subject he would never have wanted to address openly, I felt his hand rest on my back and I knew we were making some progress. "Friends. Well, certainly you should be friends. Stephen is among the finest of men. It would make me so very happy if you were to discover what a good friend he is."

"But only friends, Jack. Never lovers."

He cleared his throat nervously and shifted under me. "I implied nothing of the kind, Ann. Stephen is one of the men in our group, after all, and I do know how the Game is ..."

"Only friends. You have my most solemn promise, my love."

His other arm crept around me and he sighed deeply. "Very well, my little dear. That is, of course, your own choice. Come now, finish your packing. We have only two hours before I must take the two of you to the airport for this bizarre trip to the Temple."

"Plenty of time for packing, Jack. You know how fast I am." Knowing Jack well enough to know that he wasn't really quite back to his normal easy temperament. And just in that moment, already feeling the way it always felt to be without him when I traveled. And so ... dealing with our twin emotions ... Licking into his neck and loving the way his breathing changed. "I'd so much rather spend some time flirting with you. I'm going to miss you."

And now he was showing real interest. I love the way Jack's shoulders move in moments like this. As if he has pent up energy and when he moves his arms to hug me in tighter to his chest; I can feel the energy invigorate the muscles that lace his shoulders. I felt his head dip down and his hand swept back the hair that draped my own shoulder. God. The touch of his lips ... so soft and moist as he gave me this open mouthed lightly sucking kiss.

"Mmm. That feels so good," I murmured. 

His hand stroked my cheek and it was then I realized that hand of his was still holding my negligee. The silk trailed along my skin and the light rustle of its touch seemed so erotic that I shook in his arms.

"You like that, do you?" He said it in this sex-heavy voice that dripped into me.

All I could do was nod and then he was taking over. Bending me over his arm even as his free hand was unbuttoning my shirt and pulling my bra up to bare my breasts. I thought he'd kiss them but instead he stroked them slowly with the silk. I moaned and relaxed into his hold. But his harsh whisper ordered me to stand before him and take my clothes off. Moments like this were like gold with Jack. The trust we felt in each other made them possible between us.

When I stood before him, I studied his face and it made me tremble with the desire he called up in me. He had this dark intensity, this utterly dominant part of him that commanded me to give myself over to his power. It was not a part of him he unleashed very often; the fact that I saw it so infrequently seemed to make it that much more potent.

He pulled me down to straddle him and as soon as I settled against him, I felt the evidence of his arousal that had been causing such an obvious tent in the loose sweatpants he was wearing. I whispered his name to him as he began to stroke down my back with the silk. I closed my eyes and gasped when he groped my breasts through the silk; if the feel of leather could rivet me to each sensor in my skin, this raw softness controlled by his masterful hands brought me to places I hadn't thought possible.

All he ever said to me in this time were words designed to heighten my anticipation of where he might touch me next. My skin was ablaze with the need to feel his roaming touch. When he ordered it, I opened my eyes and looked into his face. His lips were pursed in concentration; his brows were gathered in that way he gets when he is so serious. My fingers touched him there and then dragged lightly across the planes and valleys of his face.

And just at that particular moment, I felt the silk glide across my mons and I knew where he was going. But knowing and experiencing were another thing. I gave this whimper as I felt his silk-covered fingers stroke my clit. The wetness there gathered into the silk and made the fabric's texture more of a sweet torture to me.

"Tell me, amorata. Tell me all of your desire for my touch," he sighed with some innate power that swept into me. Had I ever given enough of myself to another man for him to have this ability to affect me this way?

My mouth at his ear. Whispering to him in a voice that rose with the slowly increasing pace of his light strokes through my wetness. Sharing confidences with him about my abject devotion to his fingers that made him growl deep within his chest before he whispered his approval to me.

He pushed in a draped finger and the silk shifted with his movements. His finger moving inside me. The dampened silk both deep in me and also stroking over my jingling nest of nerves. His voice urging me onward. His hand knowing how to manipulate me. I stood not a chance. I was coming just as he wanted. Just as I'd hoped. Ever hopeful with Jack.

Gasping out to him and begging him for more. Knowing it would turn roughly physical if I demanded more. Finding myself on the carpet and all he bothered to take the time to do was shove his sweats down far enough to get his cock free. Letting him push my knees far apart and then he entered me; stopping in frustration when my body forced him to give it a chance to adjust for his entry. Before long, I found myself just clinging to him and kissing any part of him I could and knowing I had needed this as much as he did. But also knowing he needed me to whimper beneath him and utter words of fidelity to his hold over me as I shuddered into a coming right before he came with this muffled roar of release.

We lay there together after and I thought that whatever else might happen, he was absolved of all worries about the coming week in which I'd be at the Temple and he'd be left behind.

Oh! Will I ever understand men?

We took a shower together and then I was rushing to finish packing. He stayed in the bedroom with me and watched me. I wasn't paying attention and I should have been. The return of his scowl took me by surprise. I didn't notice it until I asked his opinion on which swimsuits I should take with me.

"This week is a very bad idea for you ladies. I do not believe I really approve of the shenanigans those young scrubs will talk you into, my dear."

"You don't approve? I don't remember you having a vote," I chuckled, thinking he was joking. Really, I did think he was. But as soon as I saw his face, I knew I was about to withstand a serious case of Jack's bluster.

"I wish for you to stay here, Ann," he pronounced as he stopped pacing on the other side of the bed, his hands clasped behind his back. "In fact, I demand it."

"Excuse me? Get off it, Jack. I'm not going to fight with you about this but there's no way you're going to ever demand any such thing from me. This isn't like you at all."

"I am your husband. It is my right to ..."

It felt like he'd reached out and pulled the rug out from under me. Emotionally, I landed with a hard thud right on my ass. Damn. It took a heartbeat and I interrupted his mounting tirade.

"You're not my husband. Don't say that. You're just my ..." My voice rising in indignation.

"Do not say it. I warn you, my dear. Do not ever say I am just your Number One." Heavy emphasis on the word 'just.'

"We are not married. And even if we were, you would never order me around."

Waving a dismissive hand at me. "It is the same as if we were married. And in that, you owe me your allegiance and your loyalty."

I waited until he was looking at me. Slowly, clearly, saying it to him: "It is not anywhere near the same as being married. We've neither one of us ever confused what we have with a marriage. Between us, Jack, there is no need for such a label as marriage. Isn't that what we've said? What we have is something very precious and I treasure it like no other relationship I've ever had with a man."

His eyes narrowed at me. "Is it less than a marriage then, my little dear? And if I am not to call you my wife, what then? What am I to call you?"

"My name, Jack. Call me Ann. And when did this become an issue with you? When did you become this possessive of me? You have always understood this Game. Why would you possibly want to place restrictions on me now? Why does this come up just as I'm leaving to spend a small pittance of time with the Temple Boys? I thought it was just Stephen that concerned you. What is really going on?"

Dark storm clouds in his eyes.

"Jack! What is different about this week anyway? It's like any other visit, really. I mean, you've often been on your own when I've had other men here."

"Here. Yes. But then you were alone with only one of my brothers. There ... at the Temple, my dear, there will be many men and ..."

"Wait. Is it something about the fact that there will be a lot of them there?"

Turning from me but not before leveling a nasty scowl at me.

"It is! Well, dammit. What do you think I'm going to be doing? It's not like we're going up there for some massive orgy. And you know me better than that. You know I'm not into the group sex scene. How can you possibly ..."

"Then explain what happened in London. My little dear, that is all I will say to you." Still not looking at me; just turning his head in my direction to fire off that little salvo.

God, but it hurt. His words wounded me in a way I didn't believe he ever would. Feeling my chest tighten in anger at him. "So that's how it is? You jealous about that? Think you missed out on something? Well, damn, Jack, why didn't you say so? Hey, I know. Stephen's here. How about it? The three of us? What? That way at least you've done a group sex thing and you're not left out. C'mon. Let's go get him. I'll do you both. Anything to make you happy, Jack."

Facing me full on now and his face was almost purple as we stood there glaring at each other. Then he turned and nearly ripped the bedroom door off its hinges in his haste to exit my company. And here's what I knew. I think I'd just said the one thing that he might never forgive me for. And I'd said it only because he'd hurt my feelings. And I absolutely could not believe we'd gotten into such a vicious and uncharacteristic argument before I was leaving.

My hands were shaking as I finished packing. I knew Stephen had to have heard the entire shouting match. But he's like Jack in that he would never have done anything to let on that he'd overheard such private words between us. I found him on the deck and he told me Jack had said he had to go out to run some errands. We chatted like ninnies about the birds that were hanging around the feeders in my yard until it became obvious that Jack was not coming back to take us to the airport.

Finally, I looked at my watch and then gave Stephen a fake smile. "Well, Jack must have ... um ... gotten delayed in running his errands. But not to worry; I'll just drive us in. Would you mind getting our bags into the car? I'll just leave Jack a note and then we need to get going or we'll miss our flight."

"Certainly, my dear. Jack will be sorry he missed the chance to see you off on this trip." And then touching my arm as we went inside. Looking intently at me as if he was willing me to be okay. "He will be sorry. If I know my brother, he will soon be calling you with his apologies for not being here at this time."

"I'm sure you're right. It's not a big deal anyway," I whispered. God. I couldn't believe we'd just had this huge fight and I was leaving. Regret for my part in the argument consumed me.

Inside our bedroom, I scribbled a quick note: "Jack, my love: We had to leave to catch the plane. Please forgive me for my harsh words. I am sorry we parted with such feelings between us."

I wanted to say more ... I wanted to remind him I loved him more than he could know but at the same time, there was this nagging part of me that was hurt by the sudden realization that there were issues between us I simply hadn't seen. I could feel myself withdrawing from him in the face of it. And I didn't know what else to say that would be truthful and yet would not drive a wedge further between us. How had this happened to us?

On the drive in, Stephen chattered away about returning to the Temple and about the forays into the surrounding countryside that he wished to do. I was barely listening. But then he asked me, "Who do you suppose I may invite to accompany me on a botanical gathering expedition? I would consider it a most ... special experience and would wish to choose wisely."

I smiled at him. I knew he had someone specific in mind but was far too circumspect to say it. He was looking out his side window and I saw his fingers worrying over the edges of the book he carried. I patted his hand and he finally looked at me. "Stephen, relax. I happen to know she is quite looking forward to seeing you again. But she's not the only woman who will be vying for your attention this week, you know."

He blushed and cleared his throat. "In truth? You would not lie about such a thing, would you, Ann?"

"I'm not lying, Stephen. You're in for a great week."

He blushed even more furiously and turned to look out his window again.

God love him. Stephen is so wonderful. He is a great friend. He treats women with such respect and compassion. And when he has a crush on one of the women, it shows all over him.

We checked in with minimum fuss and were heading to the security gate. Suddenly, I heard my name called out inside the terminal. This loud, booming voice ... the voice of God, I think I'd once called it. I knew who it was before I turned but I was still shocked to see him there.

"Jack! Oh God ..." I just breathed it out and watched him stalk toward me. He had this hard, set look on his face. He strode toward me like he was leading a boarding party and expecting fierce resistance. But his face softened when I dropped my laptop case at Stephen's feet and ran to him.

He caught me as I launched myself into his arms and he gathered me right up into him. His mouth at my ear, "Amorata, I am a vile scrub. Please tell me that I am forgiven for my loathsome words? I cannot ever wish that we would part with such sentiment between us."

"I can't bear it, Jack. I'm so sorry. I just never knew ... I didn't." Looking in his eyes as he set me down. "I wish we had more time ... but I have to go or we'll miss our flight. I fear what you're holding back from me, beloved."

"It can bide its own time until we are together again. I swear it to you." His warm hand cradling my cheek. No smile but still a sweetness on his countenance that made me bite my lip. "And I will miss you, amorata. I will miss you most fiercely."

"Good." Earning a small chuckle from him. "Because I'll miss you something fierce, too."

I believed I was leaving Jack reassured about this foray to the Temple. However, left to his own devices, it did not take long for him to begin having these nagging concerns about the wild times he imagined we'd be having. I turned off my cell phone after the first day at the Temple because he kept calling me about silly shit. And I knew the things he was calling me about were just excuses -- what he really wanted was to be interrupting whatever he imagined I might have been doing.

His first call was to ask me where I'd put his blue shirt. Blue shirt? I mean, like, which one? But I'd been patient and told him to look in the closet. Then he called and asked me to talk him through microwaving a frozen dinner. Excuse me? Can you see Jack Aubrey eating a frozen dinner when he was living in a city with great restaurants on about every corner? Sigh. Next up? He wanted to know why I wasn't answering his emails. Hmmm. That led nowhere. Then it was a question about how he set the alarm clock. Yikes. I didn't think he even knew what an alarm clock was.

I should have realized what was going on. I just thought he'd be better off going cold turkey so I told him I was turning off my cell and that we'd talk when I was on my way home to him.

Uh huh. Yeah. Sure, sure.