Feb. 20th            

The sun broke through the thick fronds of a verdant forest dappling the ground with shades of soft green shadow. Warmth flooded through my body. I looked down and I was wearing a thin diaphanous robe, barely covering my nakedness. My hair was loose and my feet were bare.

Picking my way through the dense undergrowth, I was aware that someone was looking at me from beyond the circle of light. I shivered a little aware of an intense gaze and covered my eyes to try to peer into the dark of the trees. A rustle of branches gave away the watcher and I called out, but no answer was forthcoming. Nervously I followed the origin of the sound and made my way through the foliage until it appeared to thin out. A brilliant light dazzled me and I closed my eyes...

The next thing I knew, I was on a busy street in the middle of the day. My clothes were ludicrously inappropriate as before and I felt embarrassed as people stopped and stared. I began to run, trying to find somewhere to go that would not be so exposed. An open doorway beckoned and I took refuge in its dark portals.

Inside the lights were dim. I made my way down a narrow corridor to a room beyond. There was a stage and some round tables all around. Men were sitting smoking and drinking, a low hum of deep voices was all around. Suddenly someone took my hand and I was pushed onto the stage. I stood in the brilliant light of a spot and self-consciously tried to cover myself aware that the dress was see- through and I was naked beneath.

Some one shouted. "Well, dance, then!" And music started up. It seemed they thought I was entertainment. I looked about for somewhere to hide but there seemed to be no way out. Notes were being flung onto the stage and I realized that the men were bidding for me.

Curiously I did not feel afraid. I looked closer and realized that I knew the men- they were the Brothers. A rush of some sort of excitement took me over. This must be a fantasy- I was safe- I could indulge my desire and it was merely a dream. The thought amused me. Running my hands over my body sensuously, I began to gyrate to the music, turning round and round and grinding my pelvis at them. I heard the stomping of feet and whistles, I smelt the heightened sexual tension. The bidding increased.

"Who's going to get me?" I whispered provocatively and pulled up the hem of my gown to reveal my naked legs. Turning my back, I bared my buttocks and bent down before them. I knew what effect I was having. It felt like power. I could have any of them I wanted. I could have all of them. My head was spinning at the notion.

Just then I felt a hand on my wrist. "What are you doing?" It was Maximus. He dragged me off the stage and down a dark passageway; I struggled against his grip. Opening a door, he thrust me into a room and kicked it shut. The room was in pitch darkness.

I felt him push me against the wall and ruck up the scrap I was wearing. His hands raked my nakedness and then ripped the covering from me. Hoisting me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, he kissed me and I smelt a fragrance that caught my breath. This was not Maximus. It was someone else. Too late. I was shoved back and a cock rammed in to me, almost taking my breath away.

"Who are you?" I gasped.

"Not your husband," was the muttered reply as the man grunted and pounded, his lips savaging my tender breasts as his penis bruised my flesh.

"Let me go!"

"NO! I want you. You want me. You want this..." and he seemed to reach even deeper inside me. I tossed my head from side to side, scratched and bit him, struggled -but I did not want it to end. I wanted this stranger to ravish me against a wall in a seedy sex club. I felt myself shudder with the surge of passion...

...With a start I opened my eyes. I was drenched in sweat and clasping the sheet in my hands. Frantically I looked across and saw Maximus, dead asleep, slumped on his face, oblivious to anything. Strange, but I have never seen him sleep in that position before. Sitting up and raking back my damp hair, I staggered out of bed to go to the bathroom. I was naked. On the floor near my bed was my nightgown, discarded. I looked at myself in the stark light of the bathroom mirror. My face was flushed, my nipples erect and I was sweaty; my sex was moist and itchy. What had happened to me? Some kind of crude and graphic sex dream? It had seemed so real, even in its surreal nature. I could still feel the touch of an unknown man, my body was still shuddering from the interrupted orgasm. I could still smell the cologne he wore...I know who wears that scent...Terry Thorne. Had I just imagined having rough sex with him?

I showered and dressed in a cool cotton slip. Back in bed, I turned to Maximus for some sort of comfort but he was still almost unconscious- he usually sleeps lightly and is easily disturbed if I get up- but not tonight. I felt even more ill at ease than ever. Perhaps I was just nervous about the interview and guilty about not having told Max? But where did Terry fit in to all of this? For a long time I tossed and turned before I must have finally sunk into an exhausted slumber.

Friday morning. Maximus buried in The Times while I prepared breakfast. Lily was shoveling cereal down and talking to herself. We hadn't discussed the odd events of the night before. He was quiet and morose, I was shaken and overwrought.

"I shall be late tonight. I am in Paris for the day and have a dinner with some colleagues before I fly back." Maximus suddenly announced.

"Don't they ever ask the wives? I haven't been out for ages. Paris would be marvelous for a night. I could fly over early evening...get a hotel...have some fun... " I answered as I put down his plate and rubbed myself against his arm - I was still feeling sexually charged this morning and Maximus had again shown no inclination when he woke. Was it the after effects of that disturbing dream or maybe thwarted passion after Max's unusual failure to perform the night before that had me all hot and bothered?  He, however, simply folded the newspaper, ignoring my advance.

"...Sometimes, but you wouldn't find them interesting. And then who would have Lily?"

"What?" I stopped openmouthed. "Other wives do go?"

He shrugged. "It isn't actually a social occasion."

"But I never go out with you anymore."

"We have a child. It is to be expected."

"We could get a baby sitter..."

Maximus looked at me as if I was a piece of dirt under his shoe. "A what?"

"A person to sit with her while we go out. Or we could get a live in help..."

"A slave?" His eyebrows raised.

"An au pair. Don't be obtuse."

"I think not. I wouldn't trust anyone to look after her properly."

"Fine. I'll just opt out of the human race and devote myself to your offspring."

Maximus tutted and didn't reply. I decided not to tell him about my interview. 

"Ask your mother down on Saturday. I will take you to dinner anywhere you choose." He finished eating and stood up, simply walking away and leaving the table for me to clear.  A short while later, he returned ready for work and kissed us both. "Are you alright, Uma? You seem a little tense..."

I gave him the eye and he backed off. 

"I'll be late then. Don't wait up for me..."

"I have no intention of..." His tsk told me what he thought of my comment, as he put on his jacket and picked up his keys.

"I'll see you tonight then...?" I didn't reply.

Frida, my wonderful neighbour, had Lily for the day. She adores Lily, having four sons herself, and has offered to mind her whenever she can. Lily adores going to her house. Her boys- aged 18 to 12- treat her like a little princess. As soon as she left, I hared upstairs, showered, dried my hair and dressed. A while later I viewed myself in the mirror. I had chosen a well-tailored black suit - an old favourite by Joseph. Knee-length skirt, figure hugging jacket, white silk blouse. Stockings rather than tights because it's good to feel sexy when you're under pressure- and stilettos- black- high but not fuck me high. I arranged my hair up and my makeup discreet. God, I loved power dressing. With my briefcase loaded with my ideas and credentials I was away.

The interview went like a fucking dream. I was hot and eager and buzzing and knew my stuff. I had ideas aplenty and had already preempted all their questions. I was also feeding the fantasies of the male members of the panel and one of the butch females who wanted a woman for the job politically and clearly fancied getting in my knickers. The remaining woman was on a hiding to nothing.

"Mrs. North. We would be very pleased if you would accept the post of Exhibition Director..."

I danced out of that place. I could still do it. I hadn't lost it.

It was one o'clock. I rang Ruth. She had a lunch meeting. I rang Mairead. She was out of town. I rang every fucking person I knew and no one was free. Except Maximus. I never called him. I know I should have done. The first mistake.

So I decided that as I was an independent career woman with an enviable new appointment, then I could go and buy myself lunch and be done with it. Choosing a relatively new and very highly rated restaurant in Covent Garden, I marched in and asked for a table.

"For one?" The rather snooty maitre d' asked.

"Yes," I answered with a confident poise.

"If you don't mind waiting at the bar..." I was impressed. He could have chased me away. My confidence rose.

I ordered a Manhattan, sat on a high stool and twirled my shoe on my foot. I felt better than I had done in months.

TERRY

I didn't recognise her when she walked in. But I looked. As did every man in the place. Beautiful woman. Tall, slender as a wand, dressed in one of those severe black suits that makes a woman look like something out of your wilder fantasies. Hair up. Imagine pulling it down. Ripping the jacket open, hitching up her skirt. Over the desk. Man...the old ones are the best...How long is it since I got laid? Jesus, am I horny...can't be that long...since last weekend?

Then I realised it was Uma. God, she's beautiful. I watched her sit at the bar, order a drink, light up a cigarette and sit there, her shoe hanging nonchalantly off her slim foot. She appeared to be alone. For the hundredth time in my life I wondered exactly how Maximus coped with leaving a woman like that every morning. Imagine her naked in bed...Christ, I'll come in my pants if I don't get a hold of myself. Get a hold of myself. Not a bad idea. Quick wank in the gents. Jesus, is there something wrong with me? I can't think of anything else. I feel like I've taken a sex pill or something...

I make my mind up. Pull out my cell phone. Call the embassy. "You left yet? No worries. Something came up. Can I reschedule for tomorrow? Great...suits me, too. Catch you later..." I hung up. Straightened my tie and made my way across.

"We'll take Manhattan..." I whispered into her ear. She jumped but hardly missed a beat.

"...The Bronx or Staten Island, too...Are you following me?" her red glossy lips parted in a wide smile. Her perfume was rich and spicy, rather heady for that time of the day.

"Sure am. For your own good. A pair of legs like that shouldn't be allowed out without an escort. Dangerous weapon. Get the lady a refill..." I called over to the barman.

She rolled her eyes saucily. "You trying to get me drunk?"

"That obvious, huh? OK. Buy me a beer and leave my body alone...I have my virtue to think of..."

We had a few drinks. We ate lunch. We drank a bottle of red. She was high. So was I. Not sure quite what happened then. I said- "Fancy a walk?"

She said, "Actually I think I'd fall over."

I said. "Want to lie down?"

She said. "Now there's an offer."

We checked into a hotel. Fell into the room. We pulled at each other's clothes. She slithered onto the floor. Before I knew what she was doing she had my dick in her mouth. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I eased her off...we crashed onto the bed ...afternoon delight? Jesus Christ, I thought we invented it. She tasted like cream and honey. She felt like silk. She loved me like she was born for it. I don't remember a single coherent thought in my head but my desire for her. It felt like I was on a trip. A sex trip. After two beers and a half of red?

It was only afterwards as we dozed naked in each other's arms that reality bit.

UMA

I'm not making excuses. There are none. I should have not have done it nor should he. But I swear I felt as though I was in a different body. OK, I was pissed. I was on a high. But I can't believe I would behave like that. It was so unlike Terry, too. He's a smooth operator but he's genuine and a good man. What possessed him to drag a woman- his brother's wife- back for illicit sex in the middle of the day?

My mind is still hazy about the events. I remember his kiss...his hands...the feel of his flesh...his cock...him over me...thrusting deep...if I think hard enough I remember it all. But I cannot fathom why I was doing it. It was like a dream. I think I thought it was a dream. Until I opened my eyes and I was lying wrapped up in his arms, his legs entwined with mine, his semen leaking down my thighs and his cock pressed against my thigh.

"Oh my God...what have we done?"

He pulled away and rolled to a sit, his back to me, pulling on his pants. I wrapped a sheet around my nakedness.

"Christ...I'll go..."

"Just like that? Walk out on me now?"

He turned as he thrust his arms into his shirt. "I don't know what you expect from me. We should not be here. You and I better put as much distance between each other as we can from this point on. If he ever finds out...if she ever finds out....Jesus Christ!" He finished dressing. "We never meet again in private...you got that? Never! I'll go down and check out. Take your time..."

He strode for the door, fastening the tie that an hour ago I was ripping from him. "Terry...I feel like a whore..."

He groaned and I saw the stiffening of his back; he came and sat down on the bed again and took my hand. "Uma...I don't think of you like that. Something crazy happened today, something I don't understand...it happened to both of us. You're no more guilty than I am. I know you are not that kind of woman. Frankly I'm not that kind of man. Do you think I make a habit of seducing other men's wives?"

I swallowed hard. "Alice Bowman?"

His face changed. "That was a low blow, love...that was different...entirely different ...and I wasn't married then..."

"No, but she was..." I don't really know why I said it. Maybe I just hurt so bad I had to strike out at him to make me feel better. But I just felt worse. I know he had suffered over that. I know he hadn't seduced another man's wife. I know he had genuinely felt a love for her, however hopeless. I watched as his expression closed down on me and his chin tilted in defence.

"I take it you know that this must never come out. I presume I have your agreement on that?" His language was back to the boardroom. A short while ago he had been buried deep in my body and now we talked like two strangers who were not even very fond of each other.

"If I say anything, you'll have to kill me, hey?" I snapped in a rather waspish tone. He shot me a look and there was a hard determination in his eyes.

"Oh, you would be surprised what I would be capable of if those I love are hurt ...Remember what you have to lose..." He picked up his overcoat and left without another word. I threw myself back on the pillow and lay there. He wasn't threatening me, not really...he was striking out at me in his confusion as much as I was striking out at him. But it hurt to be addressed like that by a man that I ...that I what? Loved? Lusted after? Admired? Was infatuated by? What were my feelings for Terry Thorne? I dragged myself out of the bed and took myself off to the bathroom, shuddering at the trickle of his seed that leaked down my legs. It seemed to be like a mark of my shame.

I went home. Took another shower. Threw my underwear in the rubbish bin. And then I began to dread. Lily was fractious that evening- I thought she was coming down with a cold and we had tears before bedtime. I was short with her. It wasn't her fault, the poor little thing. It was mine. Finally she dropped off to sleep and I went to make something to eat. Didn't feel like anything. Just drank a few glasses of wine. Sat in front of a flickering TV screen and kept seeing images.

Man and a woman. He is leaning back on the door. She is kneeling before him, stroking his cock and kissing it. She slips her lips around it. "Fuck...Jesussss Christ...fuck...." His voice, her whimpers, smell of sex in the air...

I jerked myself back to the present. Tried to watch the news. Cannot keep my brain from drifting. My mother rang. Talked to her impatiently. She asked me if something was wrong. I barked back: "Of course not." She made that noise she always makes when she is not convinced. She thought Max and I have quarreled. She always blames me- he can do no wrong in her eyes.

He lies between my open legs, devouring me as I writhe in pleasure. My fingers grasp the fabric of the bedcover trying to stem the rising passion as he licks and suckles. I scream, sob and come...he raises his head and pulls sharply on my ankle to pull me to the angle he requires. I feel like a limp rag doll. He is naked, his body strong and massive, covering me. He thrusts, pulling my leg over his waist to get deeper. I groan crudely. "Fuck...Jesusss Christ...fuck" My voice, his grunts, the taste of myself on his lips...

I decided to go to bed. In the dark, I ran over the events of the day. I should be happy. I had a new job. I was scared of what Maximus would say. I daren't even think of Max. What I have done to him. Oh God, could this nightmare be true? I heard the car and knew he was home. One in the morning. I curled up in a ball and feigned sleep. He ran upstairs; I heard his tread passing our door and entering another bedroom. He was checking on Lily. He never goes to sleep without making sure she is fine. He loves her so. Oh God, what have I done to him?

Suddenly the door opened and he walked in. He didn't put on the light, attentive to my needs as ever. I heard the sounds of him undressing, the rustle of his shirt as he threw it from him, the metal of his zip, the shoes kicked away. The bathroom light snapped on and he urinated, flushed, brushed his teeth, took a quick shower. I lay still and quiet, heart thumping at the presence of my own husband. The man I love. The man whom I spent the afternoon betraying in a hotel room with his friend and brother. Oh God, how could I have treated him in this way?

The bed depressed under his weight as he raked back the covers and rolled in beside me. I felt him turn on to his side and pull me gently against him. One hand cupped my breast and another lay over my hip. He nuzzled against my neck, whispered impossibly beautiful words to me in his own language. I felt tears prick my eyelids.

"Dormisne?" (Are you asleep?), he muttered. What could I say? I murmured assent and he took it for agreement. His hand reached under the satin of my slip. He ran his palm over my nakedness and groaned deep and low. "Forgive me? I was too harsh this morning...I love you...I do not wish to make your life so limited...you should have been there tonight. Next time I will bring my beautiful and brilliant wife and they shall feel as I do about you. I am so sorry...so sorry if I hurt you...."

Sorry? Maximus, you have never hurt me. You would not even know how to. But I could hurt you, I have hurt you. I have rubbed your love for me in the dirt. Oh, God, how could I make love to him now? How could I let him in where another man had defiled me? How could I deny him?

He rolled me over and kissed me. My lips felt cold beneath him, cold and treacherous, like a Judas kiss. But I faked it. I'm a woman. We can fake it. I returned his kiss, sighed and let him touch me, writhed at his touch, opened my legs for him and feigned pleasure at his entry. He loved me, believing that I felt the same, his head buried against my neck, his love proclaimed in every movement, in each word uttered. I pretended to rise to my orgasm. Cried out when I could not stand anymore of this sham and he took it for my joy. I felt his sigh and shudder and the burning cascade of his semen joining the trace left by the man before. A wave of nausea gripped me. For a moment I thought I would throw up. In all the time I have known Maximus, he had never failed to bring me to fulfillment. But tonight, I felt revolted by his touch. No, not his touch. By his love for me. It revolted me because it was so undeserved. He held me to him and the tears I shed, he took for tears of release. The fraud was compounded.