Foreword

What's worse than a 7-year old without money to get an overpriced block of half melted ice cream on a stick off the Ice Cream truck? 

Temple Boys not allowed into the inner sanctum of a girls-only party. 

Not just any girls party - a "Fun" party...a "Hen" party...where all sorts of ancient knowledge is passed from one group of women to the lucky soul - the focus of the party.

Yeah, right. 

We marvel over huge dildos and vibrators, sex creams,  and tell incredibly bawdy jokes. That's all I'm at liberty to share. I've checked and you don't have the appropriate credentials and clearance to hear the whole story.

Oh, the dejected boys. Would we catch them peering in through window shade slats? Hiding in closets? Wedged in the air ducts? 

Nope. 

After much arguing about available hiding space and a good deal of libation, Dino - ever the MacGyver of the group - came up with a plan. Wireless PC cam and microphone, strategically placed in the Den of Iniquity. A group of testosterone hopped mammals crowded around a PC monitor a la 'American Pie'. How pathetic! Ha ha ha!

Not to cause any problems between the Temple brothers, but I did require the services of at least three of them for our shindig. Great sacrifices were made on my part to insure their participation - at the risk of them having to take much ribbing from the brothers not included. More chapstick had to be ordered afterwards.  Kneepads were worn out.

The account you are about to read is the official Perve World approved version. 

Some scenes have been removed to protect the safety and reputation of the participants...

Reputation?  Puleeeez!

The Main Event

[Teener]: Alrighty, sisters - each of you find a nice comfy seat on the pillows that Isobel has placed all around on the floor. All your drinks refreshed? Need topping off? Better do that now. Hit the loo while you are at it. There will be no Potty Passes given out during my lecture.

Ahh - no no no, Heather - you must sit here, on this stool in the center...in the place of honor. This is, after all, YOUR hen party, correct?

Now, Heather, you may wonder why on earth you would have a need for sex appliances such as the ones safely tucked into my footlocker (and occasionally other places!) This is Lachlan we are talking about, correct? The Aussie Red Baron...coasting into your hangar. Ahem. Well, let me tell you - I don't have to have these either with Cue Ball Sr. and Cue Ball Jr. But, alas, there are times when we are left alone and are in need of a little action. Or...there might be times when we could use these with our partners...try something different, eh?

[Opens first chest, using key on necklace hanging around neck, rummages around.] 

Why in the hell are there so many candles in here? Who besides Max would need so many? Was I thinking I was gonna do the entire Felix Legion? 

[Peers over the open chest lid to Bou.] 

Ahem...

Heather, I present you with this silk bag, full of various toys and whatnots. 

Ah, but before I give it to you, we have to review and discuss all its contents. Yes, Heather, we have to do this. It is our job as your sisters to ensure that you are properly prepared for your impending improprieties with Fly Boy.

I must take pause to address each of you. Ahem - Ann and Uma - if you cannot pay attention, I will be forced to separate you. Where was I? Ah yes... I have prepared similar bags for each of you, so no filching of Heather's goodies, please!

In putting together this assortment, it must be stated that I cannot dream of knowing exactly what sort of kink that you are into, if any at all. I don't know what you are comfortable in doing. Don't think that you must use all or any of these toys. They are merely there if you should ever want to skip down that path. This rule applies to all of you except Heather.

[Wide evil grin.  Pats Heather on shoulder.] 

No, my dear sister - you must use all of them and give us a detailed report, double-spaced, typed. We will, of course, make you stand at the front of the class and read your report, so make it good!

[Presents first item to group.] 

[Group]:  Oooooo!

[Teener]:  First goodie - the basic, but very important, feather. The feather can be used in conjunction with any other toy. Teener-suggested uses include its use while your victim, errr, partner is tied up...down... I do not promote the use of the feather after the use of baby oil, Crisco, or whatever you have handy.

I'll pass these around and continue. 

[Holds up the next goodie for all to see.] 

[Group]: Giggles, knowing grins. 

[Teener]:  Here we have a nice sturdy set of handcuffs. These are especially faux fur lined for comfort and will not mar the headboard, footboard, door handle - or whatever you choose to attach these to. Heather, it would be a good idea to not use these while Lachlan is in the cockpit...of the plane...flying in the sky. Oh Isobel! Quit laughing! She knows what I'm talking about!

[slips Heather a diagram of dos and don'ts.] 

[Teener]: Isn't that right, Heather? 

[Digs in the bag for another piece. Displays it to the attendees.] 

[Group]: Interested, yet puzzled looks. 

[Teener]: What is this? A blindfold. Currently, this is what Hando is using so he doesn't have to look at my sliced up face - ha ha...just joking. This is fun to use during food buffet sex, sitting in front of an open refrigerator a la 9 ½ Weeks. Can be safely used in conjunction with the feather and handcuffs, but not if you're wearing them while operating heavy machinery - or flying a plane.

Next, a set of edible body paints and brushes. 

[Group]: Oooo, Ahhh. 

[Heather]: Oh my goodn...

[Teener]: Granted, you can find all sorts of things in your kitchen to use instead of these paints, but these are so colorful! Easy clean up - just lick off your artwork when you are done. Just be careful where you place the brushes when you have completed your masterpiece! You wouldn't want them disappearing into someone's void!

Ah, you laugh Darcy - but just ask Hando about his letter opener. We are still wondering where it is! 

[Gives audience a serious face. Leans into Heather, preparing to dispense top-secret information.] 

Now, I would never want to accuse any of the brothers of not being the end-all be-all of excitement in bed, [rolls eyes] but I did want to include some of my favorite enhancement tools.

[Moves the chest for more walking room and bumps into a nearby shelf.] 

[Group]: Murmurs. Complete attention, ready to take notes. 

Meanwhile...

Our boys are on pins and needles, holding their breath, ready to learn all the well-kept secrets of our trade. Not a peep, belch, or fart can be heard in their room.  They've enjoyed the first leg of the trip - the blindfold, the paint, the handcuffs. Time for the nitty-gritty. Arthur has filled up two legal pads, taking detailed notes and drawing life-sized diagrams.

With a loud "pop" and a bit of high-pitched feedback, the boys are disappointed to see that the PC cam and mic perched on a shelf has been disturbed thanks to Teener's clumsiness. They now have a wonderful view of the ceiling and the sound has been severely diminished.

[Three of the boys]: Relieved sigh. 

[Dino]: What tha' fuck? Shit! Okay, regroup - what can we do? Can one of us enter and correct the situation? 

[Rest of guys]: Looks at each other, shakes head in a "Not Me" fashion...

Back at the Party...

[Teener]: Ever heard the joke, "What's the diff between a young prostitute and an old whore?" One uses KY and the other uses super glue. Sisters, this is your superglue. Uma - I am not calling you or anyone a whore. Just take a chill pill and relax. (if anyone is gonna be a 'ho on this trip, it's me!) This stuff is guaranteed to make you feel like a virgin on your wedding night.

[Group]: Hoots and hollers. Calls of "Christ, gimme some of that!".... "No, you'd need an entire gallon, honey."

[shushes group, prepares the next item for show.] 

[Teener]: May I present Prozac for your Pussy. Heh. One little tiny dab of this on your clit and BOOM...you are ready to go. This is like spraying gasoline into your carburetor. Be very careful with this! The tingling sensation means its working. Too much, and - well - just pray it wears off quickly!

[Group]: Peals of laughter. Gawking look from Heather. Questions from all around. "Does that come in six-packs?" "How about a travel size?" 

[Teener]: My piece de resistance. Got a One-Two-Then he's Through man? Work some Numbit on the tip of his pecker. Basically, this is the same thing as Orajel, or anything similar used for toothache pain, but this is safe to put anywhere. I'll give you a helpful hint. If you are ever in the mood to try it in the backdoor - put some of this on yourself. By the time it wears off, you'll be seeing stars instead of grinding your teeth in pain.

[Group]: infighting begins over the tube of Numbit. (Punishment will be doled out later.)

[Teener]: What no sex kit should be without - Astroglide. No explanation needed! (Although remedial classes offered upon request.)

Mmmm. 

[Pulls out an array of brightly colored jars.]

When I'm in the mood for Hando a la Mode, I pull out my collection of edible powders. Chocolate, cherry, vanilla, and new - for Isobel, peach! These are wonderful because they aren't as messy as the real thing and can be safely brushed off the furniture.

[Group]: Hooray! 

Enough of the light-weight stuff... Let's get down to biz. Here we have the silver bullet.

[Heather]: Oh my goodn... Turns it on - nearly startled off the stool.

[Teener]: Cures what ails ya. Multi speed - Low, Medium, and Who Needs a Man? 

Don't think this is for your use exclusively! Try it on your partner! No no no, Ann, don't stick it IN your partner...well, I guess you could...but, just use it to massage...whatever needs massaging. You can buy full size dildos to stick this into. I prefer using it nakie - that is, both me and the bullet - nakie...

Pearls. Ahem. Heather - I'll let you figure out where these go. 

[Heather]: Oh my goodn...

[Teener:] Last, but not least on our list of must-haves! The one thing that if you ever use it, you'll wonder what you did without it. 

The glass dildo. 

[Group]: Oooo. Ahhhh. 

[Heather]: Oh my goodn...

[Teener]: Made of Pyrex, you can warm these babies up or chill them depending on your sexcapade. Or, you can use it as a conversation piece on the coffee table. 

Great place to store cock rings! This special one I am presenting Heather and the rest of you each with is called The Voyage. I chose this in honor of Jack's film.

Sisters, this brings our show and tell-all to a close. I did bring my other chest full of leather items and ahem, things of the painfully naughty nature. You are free to peruse my wares. Each of you, come and get your goodie bag and take a pause. Our entertainment - er - Heather's entertainment will be ready shortly!

Checking back with our manly men...

We find them in various positions of standing, kneeling, crouching - ears pressed up to the west entrance to the room where the festivities are. 

Some are holding drink glasses to the door, in hopes that it will magnify the sounds. Dino is attempting to gather visuals through the keyhole, with minimal success... Three of the Temple boys sneak away from the pack, unnoticed.

Back at the party...

[Teener]: OK - attention - please, take your seat on the pillows... Earlier tonight I asked you to write a nickname on a piece of paper and place it into this hat. Many thanks to Isobel for securing Cort's favorite cowboy hat for this! Heather? You look puzzled! No, I didn't ask YOU to do this. Silly girl, no one told you?

[Addresses the group.] 

Tsk tsk to all of you for keeping her in the dark! Hee!  Heather, we have to choose an appropriate name for Lachlan's joy-stick. A brother cannot run around without a nickname for his willie. Whatever would you call it during "those" moments?

Let's see what your creative and insightful sisters came up with...

Hot stuff 
Cheyenne Curry
Mile-High Mahoney 
Turrett-Ball Benjamin 
Propeller Pete 
Tail-Spin Sidney 
Scud Missile 
Nose-Dive Norman
Wrong-Way Warner
Jimmy Joy-stick
Flyboy Freddie

Hmmm - I think Reagan submitted two or three names!  

We will now take a silent ballot vote - please place your choice in the hat. 

I'll tally the votes and tell you the results at the end of the evening! 

[Collects ballots. Checks watch.] 

Oh, I think the entertainment is ready! Bou - can you dim the lights since you are closest to the switch? Reagan - press "play" on the CD player - thank you... Heather - pleasetake your seat up on the barstool. Oooo. Almost forgot - you have to be blindfolded for just a little while. Put this on.

[Hands Heather the blindfold.  Cue up "You Can Leave Your Hat On" by Joe Cocker.] 

[Enter Andy, Kim, and Dominic from the east entrance - wearing masks, bowties, and thongs. Reeking of green ones.] 

Sorry, sisters - hadda get them tanked up before they would agree to it... Will make for an interesting show eh?

OK Heather, time to Name that Bum! 

[Guys are dancing around her, touching and giggling, flirting with the audience, rubbing themselves on Heather.] 

Contestant Number One. Hey - Hottie in the Hot Pink thong - yeah - you... Heather...hold your palms out and give 'em buns a squeeze. Your panel of beefcake includes Mr. Debonair in his Convertible, Mr. "I Use Palmolive so I don't get dishpan hands", and Mr. "I Like Em Young and Catholic".

Heather - using only your sense of feel, can you tell me who's bum you are holding?

[Gyrating buttocks.  Heather intently thinks...tongue in side of mouth.]

[Heather]: Nice soft ass ....mmmm ... and loud aftershave - must be Kim.

[Guffaws from the audience. Kim protests.] 

[Teener]:  It's OK, Kim...go have another tinnie...

Contestant Two and Three, please step up to the plate and present yourselves for Heather. 

Heather? Who's tight little arses are you holding now? Hints? No, we aren't giving hints... Ah, ah now Bewdy in the Baby Blue thong...no touching the lady - that might give your identity away!

Come on Heather - any more kneading of those buns and we'll be popping them into the oven. Give over - which is which?

Hey - Yummy in Yellow! No whispering. No help from the audience! 

[Heather]: The one on my right is Dom. The other is Andy! 

[Teener]:  Correct! What does she get folks? What is her prize? (oh, you can remove your blindfold, Heather!) 

Tada! 

Your very own SID! Uncut, as requested, wearing a nice little name tag...Mile-High Mahoney! His new nickname - as voted by your sisters!

[Guys gather around her, she is embarrassed but is very tipsy and is giggling as much as they are.] 

[Suddenly - the lights go out. A scream. Scampering footsteps...]

Oh dear. We must have gotten too hot and overloaded the circuit. Everyone stay where you are!

[Lights blink and turn back on.] 

Where in the world is Heather? And the guys? Hmmm!!! Seems that her bag of goodies is missing - along with a few things from my footlocker. I suppose we must go search for her.

Silence. 

[Group]: Nahhhhh! 

[Isobel]: Hush! I hear something! 

[Isobel follows the sounds to the west door, opens it. A pile of brothers pour onto the floor. Embarrassed grins on their faces.] 

[Teener]: Oh, darn - did I forget to invite you guys? I'm so sorry! 

[Picks up a glass dildo.] 

Well, we can't very well leave you guys out. Who wants to drop trou and test drive this baby first? 

[Sisters]: Wails of laughter...