In all the time that I have known Terry, I had only ever made one real sacrifice for him. Not that, in the end, it wasn't more for me than for him. But there you have it.

My first. Ever my obsession. My escape from the storm.

We promised each other once ... you remember, Diary? ... that we would be each other's safe harbor. That we would be there for each other, no matter what. He has been there for me. Every time I've needed him, he's been the one I can count on. Maybe then, you can understand how this affected me. To have him need something and for me to know that the best thing for him might have been to say 'no' but that the only thing he could deal with was a 'yes.' But it could change so much I didn't want to change. I don't know if I did the right thing in the end. There were other things I could have done. But the truth is, I didn't want to be a chess piece. A pawn. Why would I expect it to be anything else? Not knowing the players.

Not his primary love. Never more than his fantasy lover. Bearer of secrets.

I am adult enough to know that, Diary. In this clarity, let me tell you what I have done. And why.

Everyone in our group of friends knows what happened to set this up. Or do they? They do know one thing that seems pretty uncontroverted: Uma said go and Terry left. But how they got to that point ... there seems to me so much that we don't really know. Some of us know some things, others know other things. Wonder what would happen if we all put our heads together? Each of us has our own perspective. Do you think, Diary, that we'd ever find a way to agree? But there isn't a one of us who has all the facts. And maybe we never will.

I told this to Uma once. Not sure when. But I have this theory about news. I think whoever tells it first has the advantage. And here's why: people believe what they're first told. Their minds might rebel, they might say 'oh no that can't be true' but they still believe it. And after that, the next person who weighs in on the issue is automatically on the defensive and has the tougher task of getting people to 'disbelieve' and go against what they've already accepted as the truth.

And so here's why that's important, Diary. For the other women in the group, Uma was first out of the box with the news of the dissolution's causes. But I heard it first from a different source. I heard it first from Terry. So, right from the start, we were working from different beliefs.

He buzzed me late on the big bloody night. I wasn't expecting to hear from him; he had only been home in KL for a few days. His IM message was curt. He needed to talk, he said. I got ready for a sex romp; settled back in my chair and I was already getting wet. I loved this game with him. I was thinking about how grateful Jack was going to be when I slipped into bed and unleashed the pent up energy Terry was about to build within me.

But I was wrong. He needed to see me, he said, in person. Then I remembered. The contract. We had said we were going to get together once Thorne and O'Leary was settled in its San Francisco digs and hammer out my contract to provide public relations counseling to them. Well, you know me, Diary. And Terry's the same in this respect, I think. Business is business. The Game is the Game. So my mind switched to business and I was ready to go. Looked at my calendar and told him I'd be free that Friday for a few days; enough time for contract negotiations, I said tartly.

This wasn't about the contract, he said; there was a crisis and he needed help mopping up after a major disaster. When was the soonest I could get to San Francisco, he wrote. Well, heck, contract or no, I was bound and determined to be where and when he needed me. Told him I'd prefer a day or two to clear out some other work, but I could be in San Francisco sooner if it was truly important. It was that important, he replied.

And then he dropped the bomb. It wasn't a client crisis; it was a Terry crisis. He'd walked out on 'her,' he wrote. I asked, "Her? Who? Uma?" And his reply told me a lot about where his mind was: "Who the fuck else would I walk out on?"

My response was swift and sure once I got the impact: "I'll be in SF tomorrow, early afternoon. Meet my plane."

I didn't ask for details. Is that a horrid thing, Diary? It's not that I wasn't interested in the details, but I wanted to be seeing his face when he told me. I wanted to understand, I wanted to do it the right way. And by the end of that IM session, I knew he was in trouble. And I knew he needed someone to be holding him when he talked about it, or raged about it, or shut down about it. I never hesitated. I wanted to be the one he turned to. I was grateful I was the one he turned to. I would have been so very hurt if I hadn't been the one he turned to.

The only thing I asked him was, would he be okay until I got there. "You know me," he said. And yes, indeed I did. So I told him I loved him, for the millionth time. Tell me another million, came his reply ... "make me feel safe again." God. Imagine how I felt reading that on my screen?

Thorne:	Be there, Annie. I'm counting on you. You never let me down.
Ann:	I never will, Terry.
Ann:	whatever it takes ... I will be there for you. You know that, right?
Thorne:	I know that. They are calling my flight.
Thorne:	I have to go.
Thorne:	until then, amante.
Ann:	I love you, Terry.
Thorne:	moi aussi, Annie girl.

I was sponging up his pain. Like he was standing right there and I could see him. I knew what his face looked like in that single, vulnerable moment. What it had cost him to turn to me that way. To admit he needed to feel safe again.

There's this thing about me, Diary, that I might have mentioned once or twice. I'm good in a crisis. I go into this focused mode, and my immediate reaction is to zoom in on what it'll take to fix whatever's happened, mitigate the damages, then get my mop out and clean up the mess.

Okay, well, first I had myself a good cry. Thought about some of the talks I'd had with Uma recently. Should I have known something bad was brewing? Maybe. But not like this. Flashed on my last visit with Terry; something had been off and I had thought it was only me. Was he having problems I'd been too selfish to notice?

Shook myself back to the here and now. Focus, Ann.

In two hours, I had my flight reservations done, bags packed, business files and laptop ready. All I had left to do in the three hours before I had to leave was ... my focus wavered to Jack. Had to wake him up. Break the news that I was leaving so abruptly and knew I might not be back before he headed out to see one of the other women on Friday. How would he feel if I'd told him why I was really going? Dropping everything in the last few days we'd have together for three weeks and rushing off to San Francisco because that's how simple it was for me to choose to be there for Terry. It wasn't even a choice, was it? Whatever it took. And ... what to tell Jack?

It never really was much of a debate, Diary. I never thought much beyond the fact that what Jack didn't know couldn't hurt him. Terry and I had already agreed that as far as everyone else in our group was concerned, I was going to San Francisco to negotiate my contract and so it was a simple business trip.

When I woke Jack, that's what I told him. Business. Even as I told him, I knew he was going to find out about Terry and Uma. But here's what I figured, Diary. I'd call him from San Francisco and tell him the bad news; explain I was staying up there a few extra days because I should be there to help Terry. Because, after all, I was his Number Two. Jack would be fine with that, I knew; I'd remind him how responsible he'd feel if his Number Two ever needed him; and he'd be fine. Fine. Yeah, that's what I told myself, Diary. Sure did. Fine and dandy.

I tried to sleep on the flight to Dallas. Tried to nap in the first class lounge during the layover. Shut my eyes tight on the last leg to San Francisco. By the time I was walking off the plane and looking for Terry, I'd given up all hope of finding peace until I found myself in his arms.

He looked worse than I could have imagined. Haggard. Edgy. A ghost of the man I'd last seen. We didn't even kiss. Just held each other. Barely spoke. He held my hand all the way to the rental car, wouldn't let it go even while he drove. Not until we found ourselves in the elevator of his hotel. And then only because his arms were holding me to him as he leaned against the wall for support. When the doors shut, he ignored the fact we weren't alone, bent to my ear and began to make lewd suggestions to me. He was struggling to give me the Terry he thought I'd want; it made me sadder.

Suddenly, I felt his body tense. "What the fuck you looking at, mate?"

I heard a young man's voice behind me, confused, say, "Nothin', man. What's your problem?"

"Check out her ass again and it'll be the last fucking thing you see. Man."

I didn't move. Diary, I've been around enough tough men in my life to know that when they're beating their chest at another man, the last thing a woman should do is try to interfere or mollify the man she's with. It never helps, it always hurts.

But let me tell you something, okay? If I had moved? I would have been checking out the face of the man I was with because I was suddenly pretty confused ... I could have sworn it was Terry I'd entered the elevator with but that it was Hando gripping onto me just then.

Just at the moment I wondered if he was about to toss me aside and go for the kid's throat, the doors whooshed open and he was prodding me out. I glanced over my shoulder at him; he had a grip on my suitcase and his eyes were glaring menacingly at the kid who was trying valiantly to not look too uncool as he retreated into the far corner.

I didn't turn away quickly enough. Terry's eyes seized mine as he turned to follow me. I caught the full watt of that look of pure intimidation and backed away from him. It wasn't that I didn't know Terry had this in him; it just had never been directed at me before.

"What? I should let men treat you that way?" he growled to me.

Deep breath in. Long breath out. A sense of calm in the face of his storm. "So, you think I have an ass nice enough for other men to check out, do you? That might be one of the sweetest compliments you've ever given me, amant."

I watched him realize it wasn't me he was mad at. And that I wasn't about to take the bait. And that, hopefully, I truly was there to be there for him. For whatever he needed from me.

"Which room, Terry?" I asked softly.

Swallowing hard, he gave me that chin tilt and I thought I saw something shining in his eyes. His words were so much nicer than his voice: "I love you, baby. I am so glad you're here."

And the whirlwind began. Needy Terry. I just went where his storm tossed me.

When we got to the door of his room, Terry had one big need: to be reminded he was still the man I would never get out of my system. I had no problems with helping him remember the man he was to me. It was one of the reasons I was there; I'd promised him this very thing. He captured me against the door as he dug in his breast pocket for the key card. Had his mouth on mine a breath later and was grinding against me even as I heard the card slip in its slot. It felt like falling without a net when he opened the door. Flicker of alarm but then he gripped me up in his arms, carrying me in while I hugged around his neck.

Heard my suitcase hit the floor. He was still walking. Heard the door shut with a thud. He was still carrying me. Felt the light shift as he moved us into the bedroom area of the suite. He was still kissing me. Felt the firmness of the mattress and the softness of the silky quilt against my back. He was still relentlessly tight to my body.

His leg was between mine. His mouth was on my neck. His hands edged my shirt and bra off. His hands were drawing up my skirt. His mouth was tugging at my earlobe. His fingers found no barrier to my wet invitation. No pretenses.

"Oh, Annie girl. You never let me down, do you?" Muttering it to me with something approaching desperation.

"Never. Come inside, amant, where you need to be."

I'd been passive to that point, trying to read his needs. But some instinct told me that he'd reached the place where he needed me to take over. I reached for him. Unzipped his slacks. Pulled him out, hard and ready. Like he was born this way for me. Stroked him while he pumped into my fist. But when he remained silent, I guided him in. Let him hide inside me for however long he would want. Listened with my heart to his struggles. We were both in tears when we came.

For so long, I just held him and let him feel safe in my arms. At first, soft tears that just seemed to leak from him as he breathed against my breasts. He muttered to me every so often. Angry, bitter words. Painful, searching words. A lot of what came out was pure gibberish. But some of it broke my heart. I tried so hard to be strong enough to bear these secrets. I knew it was what he needed from me just then. No questions, I lectured myself. Let him unload what he can and don't judge or counsel him.

Finally, I felt him relax into a deep sleep. I knew by then that it had been days since he'd really slept with any kind of peace. I looked at the ceiling and smiled ruefully. He always seemed to fall into these bottomless slumbers right after he had sex with me the first time. Did he call me only because he had needed to rest? Maybe I was just there to be his sleeping pill.

But, Diary, I knew better. And I'd heard enough, even in the confusing rush of initial unloading on a sympathetic bosom to know the basics of what had happened. And his perspective about why they'd let themselves get to the point they had. But it didn't make that much sense to me. Why couldn't he have just told her, point blank, that he was confused, uncertain and shaken? Why didn't he let her see all that was happening within him? That he needed everything she most held back from him? Well, because he was Terry and she was Uma. I doubt he ever told her things quite that baldly. I doubt he even realized he could.

Not good enough for her? Of course he was; but he was just never really confident that she wasn't going to always be looking for what he wasn't. He wanted to take care of her but she couldn't see what was behind that. Ah, but that was really neither here nor there for I suspected that was an old issue that came out to play in the midst of other things. Like this feeling he had that our group had somehow become his to hold together and he was failing at that. Look around, Diary. He may have been right.

Our group was so often like a precisely placed set of dominos; it only took one inadvertent nudge to start the dominos toppling each other in a chain reaction. It had started already, hadn't it, Diary? Would everything fall?

Terry, the man who comes to town to fuck away our troubles. Who was standing there to catch him when he fell?

Slipped from under his body, covered him with a blanket from the closet. Closed the door softly as I left the bedroom. In the other room of the suite, I pulled out my laptop, set it up next to where he had his on the desk, hooked mine up to the data port and dialed in.

Handled some client emails.  Went to visit the online home of our group to see if the news had started filtering out. Curious when I saw a group chat was happening, I went on and noticed Uma, who didn't seem particularly distraught, was on with several others. I thought, what's up with that? One day after she kicks the love of her life out on his ass and ... It was all so normal; like nothing major was happening in her life. She just seemed a bit subdued. It was the only clue, but maybe I was reading too much into it.

And I thought to myself, why are you getting so concerned about this? Obviously, Terry and Uma simply had a fight. Granted, it was a pretty bad fight, but still. It wasn't nearly as bad as Terry had made it out to be. A fight's fixable, right, Diary? And I can help fix this, I told myself.

Fixable. That's me, ever the Girl Scout that Uma always puts me down for being. Always trying to fix what's broken as long as the broken bit belongs to someone else. Never been a good deed I couldn't do and then get bit in the ass for it later. What, Diary? Bitter? Who? Me? Never.

Hours later, I was finishing some emails to clients when he came striding out of the bedroom. Our eyes met.  He was in another place already and I wanted to understand where it was. "Come let me hold you," I told him.

"Need to go to the office. Get dressed and come with me?"

"It's night, Terry. Office hours are over. Let's talk instead."

He looked out the window and seemed confused it was so dark out. "How long was I asleep? Christ. I need to get with Dino. Find out what's up with Akira-san, our new client."

I got up and dragged him to the couch and made him sit. Went and fished his cell phone out of his jacket, which had landed somewhere near the suite's entry door. Gave it to him with a smile and told him to call Dino while I got dressed to take him to dinner. But plans change, don't they?

When I came out, feeling mentally prepared to be the strong woman he needed me to be, he was pacing.

"Hate to do this to ya, Annie. Gotta go to Japan in the morning. Need to be on-site there, reviewing procedures and security measures with Akira-san's company." Pausing to pull me into him and kiss my forehead. Whispering in that low voice, "I'll never forget you did this for me. You don't know how much I needed to hold you. Just the fact you'd come here. Baby, I love you so much for this."

He was booking on me? Was he running away because he was embarrassed that he'd told me all that? And that's when it came to me. How else would Terry Thorne deal with having his life ripped apart like this? He was diving into work, finding his value there. And I knew something else, because I was as likely to do things like that myself. I had to let him go. With no guilt, no pressure. But making sure he understood that I'd be there for him when he pulled his head up again.

"Long flight ahead for you, sweetie. God, it's been so long since I lived in Japan but I've never forgotten how long the flight over is. But then, you fly back and forth to KL so this'll be a piece of cake, eh?" When he didn't say anything, I hugged in around his waist. "Let's stay in tonight. Order room service. Eat dinner in bed. Have each other for dessert. Don't want you flying on an empty stomach."

"You used to live in Japan?" 

"Two years." He pulled away and looked at me; I couldn't tell if he was frowning or concentrating. Shrugged my shoulders and said, "I told you that. Didn't I? No? Oh. Well, it was no big deal. I was stationed in Tokyo. Doing public affairs work for the American embassy. You know?"

"Not really. You speak the language then?"

"I think I still remember the important things, like how to order a beer and ask where the bathroom is. I wasn't really there for my language skills, Terry. I knew a bit of the culture and proper protocol. I was pretty low-level. Worked for the cultural attaché."

In this soft voice that he knew I'd never question, he asked, "Got your passport with you, baby?"

And that's how I found myself, bleary eyed and unbelieving, walking onto a huge jet the next morning to settle into a first class seat next to my new client with whom I'd spent several hours the night before hammering out a contract for my professional services. It was the fringe benefits that finally sealed the deal. He'd given me a sample before we signed the contract.

I'd not gotten much more than four hours sleep in two days. I was only going with Terry to Japan because I thought he'd be safer with me along than on his own. I did it because it was time for me to make a sacrifice for him.

He wasn't really the Terry I'd always known. But his world was falling in around him and I was determined to put up with all the mood swings I had to if it meant I could help him through this time. On the other hand, when he went into his 'working' mode somewhere over the Pacific, he was a thing to behold.

Working Terry. I'd caught glimpses of this part of him only because he'd come on a business trip with me once. But I was about to be treated to Terry working in his own environment.

Our time in Japan, three days of it, was a mix of watching Terry work, doing a passable bit of work for he and Dino's client, and being seduced by Terry. Don't want to make this too hard to follow, Diary. Here's what it was. He might have been one of the best I'd ever worked with - our styles meshed. I trusted him implicitly. He treated me like my counsel was worth its weight in gold.

Technically, I really was there to work. He wanted me to review the company's crisis plans and help get them up to snuff. A lot of my time was spent buried deep in planning work with the company's communications people. But there was also a lot of time I spent with Terry in meetings with Akira-san and the other execs. I swear to God, Diary, watching Terry in those meetings ... He is just such a piece of work. That tough guy side of him thinly veiled by his smooth professional coolness. I kept wanting to throw him on the floor and fuck him to death.

Actually, it was him who was trying to fuck me to death. Marathon sessions with him in our hotel room. An intensity I tried hard not to mistake for what it was. I kept reminding myself, I was only there to keep him safe. That's all.

But he didn't make it easy on me. It might have started on the flight over. These strange hints he dropped about making changes. Then snide comments that I knew were references to things between him and Uma that would be followed by comparisons to us. Finally, he broached the one subject I wasn't prepared to face.

Last night we were there. As soon as we got back to the hotel room, Terry pounced on me. It was great, Diary. Terry into full seduction mode? God. You do the math. Then again, you've always been smarter than me so you probably saw this one coming before I did.

Knows me too well, does our sweet Terry. Knows that his vulnerabilities and complexities turn me to mush. Knows his strength and erotic abilities are a lethal mix to me. Knows his voice can make me come. Knows starting slow and then losing control with me will destroy any ability I have to be anything but a woman who will let herself be convinced.

I watched him go into me. He did this sometimes. Ordered me to watch as he disappeared. And then watch harder as he'd come out, glistening; murmuring to me with each successive stroke about how he could never be harder, how it hurt to be so hard, how it ached to give me what I needed from him. And I would feel his body shiver as his groaning voice would tell me what he was feeling as my body was convulsing around him. Losing the ability to watch when it might have been most fascinating because I often wondered what it looked like when he pounded into me like I'd driven him to the very edge with no mercy.

He spooned in tight with me after, holding me while I remembered how to breathe again. His warm breath against my nape. Saying, "This is how it should be, Annie."

"You're always the best, Terry." On nothing less substantial than a sigh.

"Lots of our work'll be in the Caribbean, Central America, South America. New Orleans would work well as a base of operations."

Lost in that après-great-sex haze where I am likely to say fuzzy things. "Home base, baby."

"Let's make it happen then. Do it right this time, Annie girl. Okay?"

"You don't do much wrong, amant."

He heard it in my voice; that I was clueless and thought this was mindless rambling. He turned me on my back and looked in my eyes. I started paying attention. "She was never the right one for me. Now we're free to make it the way it should have been, Annie."

Looked at him. Noted the sweat still glistening on his chest, above his lip, along his neck. Took in the intensity of his focus. And only then did I really think about the words and in a clear light, I saw disaster looming. It seemed to me I could see another domino wobbling and I wanted to reach out and catch it before it damaged my ability to stay upright.

A domino had fallen with Bou and Max. One more with Cort. Terry and Uma. Their toppled domino was nudging me. I didn't want to be a part of this anymore. My instincts always were to hide. "What are you saying?"

"Want you to make me your Number One. It makes sense. Nothing holding us back anymore."

I think I started my reply five times before a real thought came out. It felt like whichever tack I took was going to get me in a lot of trouble with this man concentrating on every nuance of my body language and my verbal response. "Terry. This isn't you talking - this is your hurt talking."

"No, I've thought it out. Even Uma saw it. We make so much sense. Baby. Look at this trip. We are so good together. And the way you dropped everything to come help me? I never had to tell you anything but that I needed you and I knew you'd never let me down. You know you love me."

"I do. Enough to know what you really want. And it's not me, Terry. It never was. You and Uma had a fight. A fight is fixable. It hasn't destroyed your love for each other." He closed his eyes, flopped on his back and let out this long, hard breath. I sat up and he looked at me. "Besides, I wouldn't do that to Jack."

"Give me a fucking break, Ann. It wasn't just a fight. And, Jacko? Christ. He's not the one you wanted. You wanted me, remember? In the beginning? And you don't love Jack like you love me. He makes you feel good? Great. See him when you want. Christ. What? Why are you crying?"

"Because whichever way I turn, I can't win this one. If I say no, I hurt you when you don't need more hurt. If I say yes, I hurt other people and everyone could be affected. Don't put me in this position."

"Look. Why do you think it was you I called? Because you're the only one who ..."

"You called on me for the same reason you called on one of the other women that night. Yeah, she told me. But I figure you were just looking for sympathy and for reassurance. And if it had been her who'd been able to be with you first, you'd be asking this of her instead of me."

"Not true, Annie. And you know it. It's not the same with her. Yeah, I reached out to both of you. Why not? Didn't expect to find either of you but I had to try. I needed ... just needed to talk to someone who loves me. And the truth is, look who came through for me? Look who I put the most pressure on to be with me. I didn't just need anybody. I didn't need her. I needed you."

"I love you, Terry. So much I thought I'd never get over it when Uma was made your Number One. But I always knew. Always. You two are the ones. I'm just ... Sometimes even now, Terry, it hurts so much to love you like I do. It's why I'm scared when I first see you every time. Because you have the ability to break my heart like no one else in this game."

"Baby ..." Pulling me down atop him. Kissing me softly, using his mouth to feel what I was feeling. "I do love you. I won't hurt you."

"Yes, you will. You won't be able to help it. There's going to come a time when Uma's going to come back to claim what's hers. You. Your heart. They are hers and her heart is yours, as well."

"There's nothing left between me and Uma. She killed it."

"Look me in the eyes, Terry Thorne, and tell me you don't love her anymore."

"There are things you don't know, Ann. You worried about Uma? Don't be. She won't be alone long. She'll have Max."

"Then she'd be a fool. But it won't ever mean she loves him in the same way she does you. And eventually she'll realize what she's given up."

"If there were no Uma and no Jack? What then, Annie? What would we be to each other? Cause this is about us. Not them. Tell me you haven't thought about it."

"I haven't. Terry, you know I don't think that way. I'm much too pragmatic. The reality is, I love Jack in a way you refuse to acknowledge. You're asking me to choose between you and Jack; and that's not fair. It's not the way it should be. Not in our group. Here I shouldn't have to choose."

"You said it yourself not two weeks ago. Remember? You said you were thinking about stepping down as Jack's Number One and that he'd be fine because some other woman would take him in and he'd love her. You said he loves who he's with."

"I was in a bad place, Terry. And who was it that came through for me then? Who tracked me down and made me realize I didn't really want to do that? Who made me think about what Jack meant to me? It was you, Terry."

He gave me his soft voice of pure hurt. "I need you, Annie."

"And I need you." Wiping tears away and kissing him. "There is an answer for us. But I don't think this is it. You're asking me to take all the risks, Terry. To give you what you want from me, I have to kick Jack out. I'll destroy whatever love he feels for me in the process. And when Uma crooks her little finger and you go running back, then I won't have you either. And the others in the group, especially the women, will blame me for this, I know they will. So, tell me something, Terry. Are you really asking me to risk everything?"

"She doesn't want me anymore. The others will understand that."

"So I'm just the substitute. Can't have the one you really want but that's okay, take the second string player?"

"It was a mistake that needed correcting. It should have been us in the beginning. We have the chance to fix it. What are we going to do, Annie?"

"We're going to be smart about this. We're going to find an answer. Most of all, we're not going to desert each other."

We sat looking at each other and here's what I knew was going on. We loved each other. We did. And we were both realizing how much. Enough to be truly honest with each other. Enough not to close any doors. Enough not to over promise. Enough to ache that there was no easy answer.

Here's what else I knew: Terry still loved Uma. Perhaps even more than ever. In a way he'd never love me. Ever.

And this: I loved Jack. Perhaps it had never been clearer to me than when Terry asked me to give up my position as Jack's Number One.

I honestly thought, Diary, that I could figure out a way to stop the domino effect. It consumed me, this effort to find a solution to this.

Somewhere over the Pacific, day met night. All around me, people were sleeping. Me and the flight attendants seemed to be the only ones awake. They were safely tucked up in their work station. I was safely tucked in a seat next to Terry. I was the only person in first class with my light on. I was making lists. Checking them twice. And then starting over.

"Hey, baby," he whispered in this croaking voice dusted over with sleep. "Better try and get some shut eye."

I smoothed his hair from his forehead and gave him a soft, wet kiss there. "Go back to sleep, amant. I'm just getting some work done. My body clock is all screwed up."

His hand reached over and slapped my laptop lid down. His other hand reached above me and snapped off the overhead light. I was forming the protest in my mouth when his body dragged mine down to settle into his warmth. His lips over mine were wandering, wonderful and wanton. I relaxed into his hold and smiled into his mouth.

Before long, that frisky mouth of his was at my ear and whispering to me of his wish that I'd find a way to help him with a problem. What problem, I whispered back and tried not to giggle. He dragged my hand under the blanket covering his lap and made me stroke his hardness. I closed my eyes and let him lead me astray.

"Need some help with this monster, Annie girl. Let's check out the loo," he said, like we were talking about going to an art gallery.

Inside, we vied to see who was hungrier for the other. I was on my knees, his pants around his ankles, his back leaning hard into the thin wall. Something so riveting about the feel of him; the way it was to lick and suck along his shaft slow enough to memorize him. Letting him push into my mouth while I remembered again and again the feast he was to me. Sensory details ... smell, feel, taste. He let out a deep groan and I let go of his sweet cock to shush him.

The next thing I knew, he was dragging me to my feet, turning me around, pressing me over the sink and sliding my slacks and panties down. At first I closed my eyes and just absorbed the feel of his hands. Breasts, back, clit, cunt, ass, thighs ... every single place he touched turned to fire.

But at some point, I opened my eyes and watched him watch me in the mirror. I think it was that exact moment when I felt him turn so gentle it almost hurt. Sweet words in my ear, sweet fingers opening me to him, sweet cock sliding slowly in to claim me. Sweet rhythm. Sweet ecstasy. Sweet seduction.

God. So sweet. As if I came in a mist of powdered sugar. When I came, we were smiling at each other. He came right after and we were still smiling.

Such a sensual way of coming.

He had his arms around my torso and he was rocking slowly back and forth. His cock was barely softening and I was able to just enjoy the feeling of unity.

"See there?" he whispered to me, our eyes meeting in the reflection. "Look how we feel about each other, Annie girl."

Even, sedated breathing. Caressing strokes of his arms. "I love you this way, amant. I feel like this is the first time I've seen you since all this began."

His mouth pressed in against my neck. His eyes never left mine. "You've made a decision, haven't you?"

Nodding at him. "Rather more like I have a proposal for you."

"Name your terms."

Amused smile at him. "Here's the thing, Terry. I don't want to move too fast on this. Let's play it smart, this Game. This is what I propose: for right now, we do nothing official. I'm your Number Two and the precedent's been set by others that when a man's Number One kicks him out, his Number Two takes him in. So I take you in. You move in with me. With me so far?"

"Maybe. Go on."

"Okay. So you move in with me. Let's set a time we're both comfortable with to see how it works before we do anything else. Say a month or two. Or three, whatever. We'll avoid you and Jack being home at the same time because I want the chance to see how it feels with each of you but I also don't want any competition between you two."

"I won't be around much, Annie, at least in the beginning. Got appointments and the business and ..."

"Sure, sure. I know. It would be that way even if we made a riskier move. But we can look at this as a trial. See how it feels. And I don't mind coming to stay with you in London or New York if you need to see me. I can work from there for a few days at a time."

"What's this do for us? I just can't see ..."

"It gives us the grace of time, Terry. See, I still feel that it won't be too long before Uma realizes what she's done and when that happens, she's coming to get you. This way, when it happens, you and I can part friends at least ... because this won't have destroyed my life. Because I'll still have Jack, I think. I mean, I do hope I can make Jack okay with this. That I'm just giving you shelter from this storm."

"Annie," he groaned into my ear, gave my shoulders this exasperated shake. "You're just delaying the inevitable. I'm never going back to Uma. Not now, not when I can see it was a mistake to begin with. I know you well enough to know that this is just you trying to hide from that reality."

But, for once, it was him who was doing the hiding from reality, wasn't it?

"Maybe so. But here's the thing, Terry. You might know what you want, but I don't trust it because I think you're still too messed up to really know ... and, just as importantly, I don't know what I want. I do know I'm scared of being hurt again. I do know this Game isn't supposed to be about that. I do know I need more convincing that you want me for me and not because I'm the only option you've got without Uma. I do know I love Jack and I'm not sure I want to change the relationship I have with either of you. I do know I don't want to just be some chess piece in whatever's going on between you and Uma."

It was something, eh? Diary, the fact that he was calmly talking with me about this? Trying to negotiate something that would make us both win at least a little bit? God, the man couldn't have chosen a better tactic to make me trust him. To trust in his avowals.

"And what happens when this trial period is over, Annie? What then?"

"Here's the rest of my proposal. Ready? If there's been not the slightest inclination on your part to reach out for Uma, if you're no longer angry with her, if you can see her and know you don't still feel deep emotions, if you can honestly say it's more about wanting me than hurting her ... And, if I also believe that you are truly the one I would choose to place first among the men ... then I'll do it. I'll find a way, Terry. Until then, you're free to move your stuff in my house and consider it a temporary home base."

"By 'do it' do you mean you'll ask to be my Number One?"

"Yes."

Even then, Diary. Even then. Even now. Especially now that I am sitting here alone. I know this is a sacrifice I should not make for him. Because when he leaves me this time, it'll be the last time he ever gets the chance to hurt me again. So either way, you see, I will lose him permanently this time. Whatever happens, I've sealed our fate. But, I think, I truly do, that he needs me to sacrifice this way for him. I just cannot figure out how it can hurt so much to do this. To know it will be the end of us and yet to know I feel anger that I don't is right or not. I'm angry because I feel it's Uma who's done this to me and she will never pay the price I will. She'll never see that I've done this for her as much as I've done it for him.

And when Terry goes ... which I know he will ... I'll have lost the only man who really knows my soul and still loves me. But the risk - you do see, Diary, that in this I risk Jack as well?

It's an impossible place to be - I've just become another domino and I have a suspicion I'm not anywhere near the last.