Monday December 8th

5:33 a.m.  Another early morning.  Of course this morning was a little different.  It wasn't Terry's birthday that had woken me up, but now that I was awake, I had a smile on my face and my mind was whirling, wondering what sort of wild, crazy antics and golden memories this day would bring.  I could hear Lach snoring softly beside me.  I turned over and brushed his hair from his face, smothering a giggle as I thought about how adorably pathetic he'd been last night when the pack of them had come home from the races, three sheets to the wind, drunk on God knows what and glowing with Brotherly camaraderie. 

It was a complete madhouse.  Raucous laughter, bawdy jokes, grown men falling over themselves like boys, one-upping each other's tales of derring do and knocking each other around both verbally and physically until they all seemed to collectively realize it would be more fun to put their hands on their women instead of each other.  It was a free for all after that.  Suggestive stage whispers that will no doubt be repeated on the morrow to the groaning dismay of the men who'd uttered them the night before.  Some truly outrageous groping.  Naughty boys getting their hands slapped.  Good little girls getting their bottoms slapped. 

We all adored it, of course.  

Biebe and Jeff were singing.  Hando was bragging about the 1500 dollars he'd won.  Terry kept reminding him it was pounds not dollars.  I counted four 'fuckin' A's' from Bud.  Lachlan was moaning about losing on a sure thing.  Some horse named Felix Gold.  That cracked me up but then they really got going on the names of the horses they liked best.  Noble Locks.  Which sounded suspiciously like 'no bollocks' when Hando said it.  Other favorites included The Extra Man, Our Armageddon, Old Flame... and much to the delight of one Terrence Andrew Thorne, Big Max.  My God.  He is forty going on four!

With that as the opener, they rather enjoyed shouting to us the name of the one they all liked the best.  FourtyTwoDoubleDee.  It was, of course, accompanied by general merriment and cheeky comments of 'that horse proved to be a real handful' and 'needed plenty of support'.  It was fantastically juvenile and if their flushed, smiling faces and shining eyes are any indication, they all had a completely bang up time. 

Lachlan was over the moon.  There isn't much he enjoys more than getting to spend a day misbehaving with his Brothers.  He says they remind him of his brothers back home and how they used to get into it together so many years ago.  He was higher than a kite as I half-led, half-dragged him to our room.  He was feeling no pain and was amorous as all anything, feeling me up and giving my neck wet open-mouthed kisses while he fondled my breasts and belly and hips.  I absolutely adore men in that mood.  Cocky as hell, not rough exactly, but certainly not gentle, crowing about their manly prowess (in Lach's case propositioning me three times between the bedroom door and our bed) and in imminent danger of falling asleep mid-grope.

Which he did, of course....in grand style, I might add.  

He threw himself back on the bed, grinning wickedly with this obscenely impressive erection pointing skyward and looking somewhat like a big lazy bear.  He invited me to climb on with a lascivious little wink, told me I smelled nice as I crawled over him, hummed out his pleasure to me as I sank down on him, sighed and wrapped his arms around me as he buried his face in my throat....and then promptly fell asleep before either of us had even moved once.  I giggled and smoothed his hair back from his face, kissing his flushed cheek before I rested my head on his chest and just snuggled up to him for a little while, enjoying the heartbeat I could feel in two places and just feeling contentment wash through me as I breathed in his scent while I drifted off to sleep. 

I suppose it wouldn't be fair if I didn't admit that he made up for that humorously pathetic showing in the morning, however.  He grunted and batted my hands away from his face at first and then suddenly came awake with a noise that made me think of the bear I'd imagined him to be last night.  He wasn't a lazy bear this morning, though.  He was a grumpy bear at first....lurching about and dragging himself off to the bathroom with grumbled 'unnngh.....gotta piss....' but he more than made up for it a few minutes later when he returned to the bed, all warm and in a touchy-feely mood, smelling of morning man and minty toothpaste.

He rubbed his face all over me, stroking me with his stubble and giving me playfully soft little nips and kisses, a wonderful blend of love and tenderness and that early morning desire men often have to simply bury themselves deep inside the woman they love and make slow, sweet love until they're sweating, we're moaning softly and you almost feel like you've come the day into beginning.  Like the sun's only rising because of this thing that's happened between you in the gray pre-dawn light.          

He never stopped touching me once.  Not while me made love.  Not while we showered afterwards.  Not while we snuck down to the kitchen and brewed ourselves a pot of tea.  The only other person I saw up and about was Hando.  No surprise there.  He's always up with the dawn.  He declined my offer of tea, saying he had 'business' to take care of and gave my morning attire a prurient, if somewhat disapproving look.  It made Lach growl and me giggle and then he took himself off for parts unknown.

We found ourselves a warm blanket and settled out on the porch in one of the cozy cane chairs, me curled up in his lap with us both sipping at hot mugs of tea.  We wanted a little quiet time together before the start of what we knew was going to be a crazy day and Lachlan finds being outside to be the most relaxing.  He prefers the wind in his face.  And a pretty girl curled up in his lap, too.  Heh. 

A little while later, it became clear exactly what sort of 'business' Hando had been about that morning as he silently wheeled this gorgeous black motorcycle into the front drive.  Lach gave a low whistle of approval that had Hando's head snapping up.  For all their animosity regarding certain matters, they both appreciate a well-built bike.  Lach says it's the closest thing to flying as you can come on the ground and from what I've observed, that's a sentiment Hando very much shares.      

Hando stopped for a moment to talk bikes with Lach, who most certainly had forgotten all about the woman in his lap as the two of them went on about carburetors and horsepower and a bunch of other things I had no interest in.  It didn't matter anyway.  I was busy drooling over the bike itself.  I may not know a blessed thing about them, but love the way the look, love the way the Brothers look on them, and I for damn sure love wrapping my arms and legs around both bike and man and feeling the power in both as we fly down the road....

Not long after Hando disappeared into the house, Terry came out, dressed in something out of one of my naughtier fantasies.  I actually blinked a few times, wondering if I was imagining it.  Buttery soft black leather molded to his legs (and groin!)....heavy black motorcycle boots... a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket to finish the look.  I could smell the leather and it was making me light headed.  Well, or maybe it was the thought of how it would feel to get a birthday ride from the old man.  Hey!  Get your minds out of the gutter!  I meant on the bike.....

My gaze flicked from Terry to the motorcycle and back again.  I gave a playfully wistful sigh of longing and heard this, in stereo:

"No chance, love."  

Men!  I stuck my tongue out at both of them.  Terry was, of course, looking at the bike and openly salivating.  Lach was looking at Terry, casting a look of amused disapproval at the somewhat impossible-to-miss display of leather covered flesh directly south of his belt.

Lach snorted.  "Well....I guess at your age, mate, you have to advertise...."  He pulled a face but his eyes were dancing with merriment.  "How many socks you got down there?"

Terry giggled and grabbed himself without ever taking his eyes off the bike.  "It's all me, Flipper- want a feel?"

I snickered.  I wanted one!  "Yes!"

Lach groaned and blanched.  "No!"

Terry didn't even stop to gloat over the fallout from his little comment.  He just slapped his fingerless riding gloves against his thigh and made a beeline for his bike.  Personally, I think the entire lot of us Sisters could have been naked on the front lawn and if he even noticed us at all, it would only be to ask us our opinion of his new bike.  He was clearly a man in the first blush of what was probably going to be quite a love affair.  God.  Men and their toys. 

Aren't they wonderful?

They day fully got underway about the time Terry got back from his joyride.  And I do mean that.  Joy.  Ride.  Most of the family had shown up by that point and the festivities were in full swing.  The phone was ringing off the hook- either with someone needing last minute input from Uma about the party's food or entertainment or it was someone calling to wish Terry a happy birthday.  He spent half the morning with the phone attached to his ear and the other half in Uma's hair. 

Everyone was around, drinking, laughing, and carrying on in every way imaginable.  Dino was chattering like a magpie, cheerfully giving the 'old man' shit about everything under the sun from his poor taste in shoes to his lack of motorcycle riding prowess, all the while flirting outrageously with Uma.....and the rest of us as well.  The man's an equal opportunity perve if I ever saw one. 

It seemed everyone wanted a piece of Terry, a moment alone to steal a kiss or give him a gift or a kind word and a brotherly clap on the back.  A houseful of family making merry.  It felt so good to be a part of that and to see Terry being a part of it too....especially that part, considering it all centered around someone who'd felt alone for so long.  For as much as he's unused to that sort of attention, he sure ate it up that afternoon.  You know, he was joking when he said it to all of us, but I really do think his glass was filled to overflowing.

Mostly, I just sat back and watched it all unfold.  I knew I needed to talk with Terry, to find our balance again after all that had happened between us, but the right moment just never presented itself.  And truthfully, I was enjoying watching him play and tease and grump with a group of people who'd come to mean the world to him.

It was really grand fun.  The pre-party mood was light and infectious.  Jeff and Paul seemed to have found (and kissed under) every bit of mistletoe in the entire house.  Bud was razzing Terry about black 'over-the-hill' birthdays.  Lachlan kept exchanging naughty looks with Uma and smirking covertly into his beer.  Whatever were they up to? 

I do have to say, however, the absolute highlight of the afternoon was when Terry went by the beautifully decorated Christmas tree for about the hundredth time only to stop dead in his tracks.  We'd all been complimenting him on the fantastic job Uma had done trimming the tree.  And now, he'd obviously just discovered what everyone had been on about. 

Let me back up a few days.  

Me:  What's this?  (Me, looking at a plain brown box Lach was loading into our car as we got ready to leave for the airport.)

Him:  Nothing, gorgeous....(Him, sliding it out of my view.)

Me:  Come on, wing nut....lemme see... (Opening it for a peek inside.  Iridescent glass ornaments?)

Him:  Naughty girl!  What if that had been your Christmas present?  They're for Betty's tree, nosey girl!  (Kissing me while he carefully set the box aside.  Awww....  He is so sweet.  But what's with the smirk he can't quite wipe from his face?)   

Well, all of us had figured it out after we'd gotten a good look at the tree.  It was spectacular.  If anyone could dress a tree to perfection, it's Uma.  It was a glittering confection of iridescent glass, sliver Victorian tinsel and white glittering snowflakes.....All the ornaments reflected this beautiful shimmering light....including Voyager, which had been camouflaged with a lacy silver bow and hung in a place of prominence. 

Terry's mouth hung open....the moment all of us had been waiting for!  The birthday boy had been far too distracted to notice what most of the rest of us had discovered ages ago.  (Bud actually winced when he saw it- but that's neither here nor there.)  I think we were all expecting Terry to bellow, "TINK!" and come after her or to fish it out of the tree and run it over with his bike a few times so she could never sneak it into her decorating scheme ever again....but he is Terry Thorne, after all.  That K and R face snapped firmly into place and he smiled, raised his glass to Uma and gave her a small bow.  "Touché, madam."

She giggled.  The rest of us clapped and cheered.  Dino had a grin on him that just wouldn't quit and Lach was laughing so hard his eyes were wet.  Nobody but me noticed the sly little look Terry shot at Teener, or the quick little wink she shot back.  Ho HO!  Could it be Mr. Always Prepared had anticipated her games and had already arranged his counter move?  If he had obtained a second one from Teener, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that Uma was going to be completely gobsmacked when it finally made an appearance.

In fact, I wouldn't put it past him to do something like sending it to her parents, decorated with a silver bow and a hook, like some sort of phallically reminiscent tree ornament, accompanied with a snap of their tree and a note that read, 'Uma liked it so much she thought your tree should have one as well....'

Man, if we're not around to see it, I sure hope he gets a picture of her face.  He might be reserved in his professional life, but there's not much Terry enjoys more than a flawlessly executed practical joke; the more elaborate, the better.  He is such a boy!  Of course, Dino and Lachlan are in the same boat.....and if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say there were a couple of Sisters who enjoy it just as much......

Anyway, as the afternoon wore on, the couples started peeling off to get ready for the party.  Hando and Teener lost the coin toss for the bathroom so Lach and I got to shower first.  Despite Hando's remarks to the contrary ('Hurry the fuck, up!  It'll be my fucking 40th in a minute....') we were in and out, shaved and dressed in no time. 

From our bedroom window, I caught a glimpse of Terry smoking in the garden below.  I kissed Lach's cheek, grabbed my gift and disappeared out the door, leaving him on the phone, double checking the details of a private flight to Paris he'd arranged for one of his Brothers (and a lady friend, of course) later in the week. 

I still felt shy about approaching Terry, especially alone, but I knew once the party got started, I'd be lucky to get so much as a single dance with the Man of the Evening.  He saw me coming, took one last drag on his cigarette and crushed it out on the low stone wall he was leaning against.  He looked so good, resplendent in his understated party attire. 

His eyes warmed as he took in my appearance.  Long winter coat over a simple little black dress.  Empire waist.  Black satin ribbon under the bust.  Bit of an old-fashioned style but I'd chosen it to compliment the early Christmas gift Lach had given me; a beautiful vintage cameo that I'd decided to wear on a black velvet ribbon around my throat.  On the face of the cameo was an angel cradling a tiny cherub.  How I love him.  Lach always makes me feel so cherished. 

I shifted a little uneasily under Terry's gaze and inside my pocket, my hand tightened on his gift.  After the way he'd greeted me when I'd first arrived, I no longer felt scared or ashamed to stand before him.  We did need to talk, to find our level with each other again, but now wasn't the time to delve deeply into my concerns or my fears.  We both knew we needed time alone to talk....and simply time alone to not talk.  In truth, we hadn't ever really stopped talking.  But face-to-face was different than with thousands of miles separating us. 

We'd be fools to think things weren't different now.  Not worse.  Just different.  And we were also not foolish enough to think a few brief heartfelt words could be anything more than our first tentative steps.  It was time and privacy we needed, not stolen moments in a beautiful winter garden.  Not even the afternoon we'd set aside for each other later in the week would be enough.  But still, it would be a start.

I'm not going to tell you what words we said to each other just then.  Some things move us too deeply to share.  I will simply say his hands found their way inside my coat and they didn't leave my body, nor did his eyes leave my face, until our tender moment had passed.

I hugged him so tightly afterwards and said a silent prayer, thanking God for the life of this wonderful man who'd endured so very much to be standing with me now.  He returned the embrace and kissed me softly after, brushing away the tear from my lashes. 

"None of that, lassie."

I smiled and kissed his fingertips, pressing my small gift into his large palm as I did so.  "Happy birthday, Charlie."

He unrolled the short length of black silk to reveal a single chess piece crafted from gleaming onyx.  The black knight.  Mate to the white rook I would be giving him at Christmas.  I am not his queen, black or white.  In truth, I have no desire to be.  That is not my place.  I wish only to be the white rook, the castle he spoke of, the safe harbor that shelters him from the storm.

He grinned widely, suppressing a chuckle.  A snippet from one of Uma's old diaries suddenly flashed through my mind.  Something about Uma and Lach at this house, playing chess in bed and losing a piece when they abandoned that play for a game of a different sort.  I believe I recall Lach mentioning something about its pointy end having found his right buttock later on....

"Found his way home, has he?"  Terry teased, chuckling as he saw the flare of understanding in my eyes.  He raised his eyebrow and his lips twitched.  "Where exactly has this been in the meantime, love?"

He pulled a face and we enjoyed a silly moment in the waning December sunshine.  It felt so good to see him smile but after a moment, his playful grin faded and he sobered, stroking the piece with the tip of one finger as he whispered his thanks.  His heartfelt gratitude wasn't just for the piece of precious stone in his fingers and we both knew it.

His eyes warmed as he rewrapped it and tucked it carefully into his coat pocket.  "What is the game without the dark knight, hey?"  He pulled me close and whispered, "An important lesson, lassie.  Thank you."

We said nothing but private words after that and a minute later, we walked back inside, hand in hand, sharing one last kiss at the door before we parted; him with a cocky swagger and a hopeful look on his face that the woman coming down the stairs would be his own, and me towards the lounge, drawn by Lach's deep laughter.  Terry squeezed my hand before we parted and I had the sudden feeling that maybe the new level we were seeking wasn't going to be so hard to find after all.     

Several hours later, with the party in full swing and my head spinning, my feet throbbing from all that dancing in the tastefully slutty shoes I'd worn for lachlan... and Terry....and Dino, and with my heart full to bursting in the company of the people I loved so dearly, I pulled one of the smoothest ones aside and begged him to help me out with one last gift for the old man.

Arthur agreed, for the price of another dance (which I gladly paid!)  He's quite something, our Arthur, and I would also like to note for the record-another Brother needs his name added to the list of men who appreciate sexy shoes!  In any case, after our dance, he not only arranged my last gift to come off without a hitch, but he also managed to head off the Sister aiming to ask Terry to dance so I could finally steal a moment with him. 

For so long, the special things Terry and I shared together have been precious and private.  Even if I have written of them, they have rarely been moments shared outside the two of us, and in this special night, I wanted to show him how I felt about him in the company of those people we loved most, show him how much he meant, not just to me, but to all of us.

He swept me into his arms and as the song played, I whispered the words to him, smiling up at him softly.  No more tears now.     

......In a world full of people, you can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you can make you feel so small

The darkness inside.  How that thought clutched at my heart, held as I was, so gently and securely cradled in his strong arms.  Terry, my Black Knight.  My White Knight.  My lover.  My friend.   

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow

Our eyes met.  I felt this feeling of lightness that I hadn't felt with him since before that afternoon in his office when I asked the Black Knight if he would grant me a boon.  We moved slowly, swaying to the rhythmic music, and as we did, I felt the last of the heavy stones begin to move from my heart.  

Show me a smile then, don't be unhappy, 
I can't remember when I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear
You call me up because you know I'll be there

He smiled at that and I meant it with every word I breathed softly into his ear.  I would always be there when he called.  Whatever he brought to the harbor, the earth and water would remain.  It was a promise I intended to keep until I slipped the surly bonds of earth.  My body felt too small to contain the feeling swelling inside it, like my skin was pulled taut over streaming starlight.  I felt it so deeply then.  Love.  Not a specific kind of love.  Not romantic love or passionate love.  It was more encompassing than that.  Like the love of mother for her child.  Like the love of a sister for her brother.  Like the love a daughter for her father.  Like the love of a woman for a man.  Like all the things we'd ever been to each other in the harbor and all the things we might ever be.   

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow

My gift to you, Terry.  Our gift.  All of us, your family.  We see you as you are.  See your true colors shining brilliantly through the cracks in your armor and you are beautiful to each of us.  You touch us all in different, unique ways.  Brother.  Cheeky antagonist.  Comrade in arms.  Protector.  Provider.  Lover.  Friend. 

It might have been me in his arms, but here, surrounded by the strains of a fading song and by the family that cared for him so very much, I felt a love that was bigger than the two of us.  I know he felt it too.  Felt the eyes of the others on him.  Felt the love the others had to give and for the first time, I think he truly let it in without fearing the piper would demand a price too dear for him to pay. 

Bless this family of ours.  They gave me another dance with him and in the way of families the world over, the serious moment slipped into one of easy camaraderie.  The swirl of other dancing couples.  Laughter and flushed faces and smiles that were bright and warm.  Tongue in cheek comments and side bets on who was going to be meeting where when this night finally ended.

No longer in a serious mood, I blew a raspberry on Terry's neck, giggled and then whispered into his ear what I thought he tasted like.  He pulled a face and tutted at me but his eyes snapped with amusement.  A few moments later, Dino and Uma cut in.  I grinned, grabbed Uma's hand and the two of us twirled away laughing as Terry and Dino were left to sort out which one of them would lead.  It was worth it for the comments alone.

"At last....someone who can waltz properly."

"Let me bloody lead.  You're arsing up the steps."

Some fumbling and then, "Hmmm....  Do you kiss on the first date?"

"Mate, does this count as a visit if I do?"

"Thought you'd never ask me, man... I'm touched."

"No, but you will be if you keep it up."

Dino, shivering and in a dreadful falsetto, "Ooooo!  I love it when he goes all cave man on me."

The image of them trying to find a rhythm and moaning about it was funny, but what really took the cake was when Dino's hand slid down to grab Terry's butt.

Growl of warning from Terry.  "I know you're a butt fetish, mate, but don't you dare..."

Dino's snort.  "Come on, honey....just a little squeeze."  

My God, they are beyond the bend.  It cracked me up and made me feel all warm inside too that Terry had friends in his life that would play such pathetically hilarious games with him and that he felt comfortable enough with us all to make such a show of it.  They are quite a pair.  Forget Fred and Ginger.  We've got Fred and Gene and they're looking fine.....

It was a grand night, marred for me by only one thing.  No, not Max's unexpected arrival.  To be honest, I felt his absence deeply and was glad when he showed up at the door.  This was a family occasion and he belonged here with us.  It was that simple.  No the thing that put a shadow over the evening for me happened much later than that.  It was not long after Terry and Ann had rejoined the party after a curious absence that didn't go unnoticed by either Jack or myself, and I would guess, Uma, as well. 

The couples had again pared up.  Hando and Teener were nowhere to be found, but with the way he'd been watching her for the last hour, their absence didn't surprise me.  The same for Arthur and Angharad.  I could just imagine him wooing her in the porch swing out back.  Jack and Ann were at the table, Ann nursing a drink while Jack worked on what had to be his third helping of birthday cake.  (Did I mention how delicious it was?)  Dino was pouring a couple of fingers of scotch in his glass and talking with Max.  Stephen was perched on a chair, seeming to be watching the room much like I was.  I couldn't find Lach anywhere.

I danced again with Dino.  Twice, actually.  God, what a fantastic dancer he is, but all the while I was wondering if Lach was just off answering nature's call or if there was another reason for his sudden disappearance.  I felt his absence so keenly, watching the other Sisters paired up so silently, so easily with the men who held their hearts.  Dino dipped me, kissed me sweetly on the lips and said, "Go look for him, honey.....  I'd try the back garden.  That's where the old man goes to smoke."

I flung my arms around him, kissed him impulsively and left with his soft chuckle ringing in my ears as I went in search of Lach.  Dino was right, he was in the back garden, sitting on the low stone wall and staring up at the stars.  The faint red glow of his cigarette had given him away.  When I got closer, he told me to go away but when I didn't leave, he simply dropped his cigarette, ground it out under his boot and pulled me close.  We didn't talk.  He was feeling something deeply, but I wasn't sure if it was anger or hurt or some combination of both.  Under my hands, he was stiff and tense.  More fidgety than ever without a cigarette in his fingers.

He'd been pretty tetchy when I'd teased him about only making one firm date with a Sister for the time we were in London.  Of course, I had only made one as well, with Bud the following afternoon, for lunch, but Lachlan and I rarely discuss our other relationships, and when we do, it's usually only in the most general of terms.  That he wasn't talking to me now told me so much about what was going on in his head and in his heart.  I might not understand what had cut him so deeply, but I understood he needed this time to gather himself, to put on a happy face so when we went back inside, whatever had hurt him wouldn't affect the mood of Terry's party.  Lach has too many old-fashioned values to be so rude.

He sat on that wall, knees parted and spread, and held me against his chest for a long time, maybe to take some strength from me, maybe just because he enjoyed the feel of his arms wrapped around my middle with his chin on the top of my head as he stargazed.  I don't know.  For all his simplicity about some things, Lach can be incredibly complex at times.

Long minutes later he sighed, just once, and moved off the wall.  I had expected him to lead us back inside.  Instead, he produced a small silver flask, took a nip to ward off the 'bloody pom cold' as he'd once called it, and then he pulled me into his arms.  He kissed me then, slow and deep and long.  All alone, we danced in the moonlight to music only the two of us heard.  Lach and his moments.  How I love them.  And him.  For all the seething emotion I could feel in him, he was so exquisitely gentle with me.  Still, I knew later, when we were alone in our bed, that he was going to be far less gentle and more physically needy, wanting to burn out whatever ghosts were haunting him tonight.

We never shared so much as a single word.  We didn't need to.  No whispered 'I love you's.' No teasing 'Hey, I'm freezing my tits off, here.'  There was only my small hand in his and the strength and unwavering support we shared in that most simple touch.  When we returned to the party, his mask didn't slip once and with each moment that passed, I knew once we were safely ensconced in our room that our night would be more intense than any of them could imagine.  It seemed so right to me in a way, that whatever happened between the two of us and the special moments we made with the others, that it was each other's intimacy we sought at the end of the day.  And for me, getting to fall asleep in his arms and waking at his side has been the most precious gift of all.