I saw Susie every day I could. When I rang her the day after the dance, her Grandma picked up the phone and asked me to tea that evening. It was a bit of an awkward hour or so but I was quiet and mannerly and they were happy to let the two of us go for an evening walk. We were hardly down the road before we fell on each other and were pashing out under a tree.

It was just taken for granted then. Lachlan and Susie were walking out.  The flicks, the milk bar in town, a few parties at people's places and then lots of days cycling about, going for a swim, just sitting in the fields and talking. Sometimes we hung around with the other kids but Susan wasn't really that keen. She said they were pretty immature. That made me feel good, as if I was more adult than the rest of my barmy mates.

Despite our growing friendship, it was still pretty chaste stuff. We kissed a lot and she let me touch her but it was mostly over our clothes. Once or twice my hand had managed to undo a few buttons and slip in to cup her breast but she had removed it gently and I had accepted that. But what she was doing to me was driving me insane.

Susie had this way of looking at me with her head down and her eyes raised through her long lashes. Her lips would seem to swell and her whole body seemed to be loose and languid, one long brown leg smoothing up and down the other, her sundress raised to her knees. I don't know if she was aware of what she was doing but it drove me wild. My body ached for something - and I wasn't even sure I knew what that something was.

Don't get me wrong. I knew what went where well enough but this felt different from just getting an erection and taking a shower to get rid of it. I did plenty of that, my mind tripping over the many parts of this beautiful girl that I wanted to touch; her neck, her breasts, her flat brown belly, her slim legs, that small round bottom and the thought of what lay between her thighs. Of course I wanted her but I wanted all of her - not just the sum of her parts.

I have to admit though curiosity was driving me insane - so close to her and my physical needs so pressing and unfulfilled.  I had never actually seen a woman naked - well, apart from a few girly pin ups the boys passed around. But not their genitals. I didn't even have a sister, so there had never been a little naked girl in the house. I had this vague idea but I couldn't quite work out what it would actually look like. The nearest I had ever come was a hand up a girl's skirt once on a school trip - but she had swatted it away before I got past her knickers.

But, my hand on my own shaft, I tried to imagine being inside a warm wet naked body and if it felt half as good as it did in my imagination then I was already lost. The images and thoughts haunted me might and day and shamed me whenever I was in her actual presence.

 

 

That day we had wandered off into the bush after throwing our bikes down by the side of the road. I had a bottle of cold beer which was getting warmer by the minute and she had a bag full off cheese sandwiches and apples. We lay down in a little hollow; it felt like we were the only people in the world.

Sharing that little picnic, passing the bottle between us and feeding each other bits of food and fruit, I think we both felt that a level of intimacy had arrived where we were close to making a final step. There was something different in the air that afternoon, something unspoken between us but I think we already knew where it would end even if it was hardly something planned.

Susie lay back her eyes closed against the dazzling glare of the sun, while I lay on my side and watched her, tickling her face with a wild flower that I'd plucked. She wrinkled up her nose and giggled revealing her white even teeth and the little pink tongue. I reached over and kissed her softly. "God, I love your mouth," I whispered looking down on her.

She opened her eyes and gave me that look through lowered lashes that made my blood surge. It was so knowing and yet so innocent. I can't describe it any other way. Her fingers trailed down my chest where the buttons were opened revealing my skin. "You have no idea how you make me feel, Lachlan," she muttered almost to herself.

I looked down at her body. Her prim white blouse was unfastened and I could see the pink lace trim of her bra. The yellow gingham skirt was raised, revealing her nut brown knees and the shiny skin of her bare legs. My eyes imagined what it would feel like to run my hand beneath that soft fabric.

She must have seen my look for the next moment she said in a voice laced with husky, more adult note, "If you want to touch me...touch me..."

I looked at her sharply and she smiled seductively, her tongue resting at the side of her mouth as she waited for my next move. My hand seemed to move of its own accord, slipping beneath the yellow cotton, beneath the frilly petticoat and then sliding up the smooth flesh of her leg. The skirt fell up and my fingers stopped as I saw the pure white cotton of her panties revealed. I hovered above them for seconds and then touched the mound of her sex. I couldn't stop the soft moan that came from my lips at the sensation of her heat and the knowledge of what lay beneath.

Trailing my fingers down to her upper thighs, I caressed the flesh gently. Almost naturally, her legs parted slightly and I felt her body sag. Even I could sense the beginning of her arousal. That's when I came to a stop. I just was too nervous to go any farther.

Susie sat up and took my face in her hands. She kissed my lips and then moved away. With quick deft movements, she slipped off her blouse, skirt and petticoat until she was kneeling there in only her white cotton underwear. Raising her hands she swept her hair off her face while I just lay there and perved on her. I couldn't call it anything else. My tongue was almost on the ground. "Do you want to see all of me, Lachlan?"

I tried to reply but my tongue had stuck to the roof of my mouth. Was this really happening to me? Was this beautiful young woman really about to strip naked in front of me? But she didn't require an answer. Reaching back she unhooked her bra and let it fall. I gasped at the sight of her naked breasts small but round, brown nipples pert and full. She rested back on her elbows and let me look. I extended my hand and stroked each breast and then bent my head and placed a kiss on each nipple; I felt them harden as my tongue licked.

Our eyes met again and she knew what I was asking. Sitting down she bent her legs and I saw her fingers hook in the waistband of the white panties and she simply drew them down her legs and kicked them away. Rising to her knees she knelt demurely at my side, her legs closed. Her golden belly was so smooth and soft, so different to the hard ridges of muscle of my own that I could not stop from running my palm down the skin. I noted the tiny golden hairs so small that one would only see it up this close, not thick and coarse like a man's and then the curly fair fringe of her pubic hair. I ruffled it up and she giggled.

"Have you never done this before, Lachlan?" She whispered, stroking my hair back off my forehead. I looked down, blushed and shook my head.

"Are you a virgin?" she asked me, her voice so soft it was like a murmur of the breeze.

I didn't reply.

"I'm glad. It doesn't matter if you don't know what to do...we can teach each other...all I know is, I want you to be with me today in a way that's special. I will show you everything I have. Trust you with it. Will you do that for me?"

My voice was gruff when I answered, a mixture of lust and shame. "I don't think I can make it good for you. You deserve a man who can make it good for you..." I swallowed hard. I was already struggling with the urge to come just touching and looking at her.

Susie laughed softly. "If you can say that then I know one thing clearly. You are the man who can make it good for me...let me do something to help you. Don't be embarrassed...lie down..."

She pushed me back gently: I was unsure what she meant. Then she knelt back at my side and opened out my shirt, running her hands over my chest and belly. Before I had time to deal with that, her nimble fingers were undoing my belt and my zipper, opening out my fly. I startled, half raised on one elbow, but she pushed my hand away and ran her palm over my shorts, cupping my erection which was hard and urgent. I was ashamed at the damp spot that was spreading over the white cotton.

But she did not seem to be surprised. Her fingers found the elastic waistband and she eased my shorts and trousers down until I was naked to my thighs. I lay back and stared at the sky, afraid almost to look. I felt her hands play in my hair, stroke the skin on the inside of my thighs and then she was gripping me. I closed my eyes and let her manipulate me, resisting the urge to cover her hand with mine and squeeze tighter, jerk harder, make myself come. Could I let her do that? Could I come while she was watching? The idea aroused me more than I could say but it seemed a dirty and sordid thing for a man to do before a woman. But I couldn't make her stop. Not if my life had depended on it.

When her other hand grasped my balls and squeezed lightly, I knew I was lost. I just groaned. Suddenly I felt her lips place a soft kiss on the tip of my penis and lap at the leaking fluid that was already seeping out. Heat raced to my groin and my head clouded over, thought was nothing more than sensation as I struggled to hold on and the urge to orgasm wrestled with the last shreds of my resolve. I muttered, "Faster!" and she responded instinctively tightening her purchase as she jerked more urgently, the friction freeing my body and the burning white heat rising. I could almost envision the spunk shooting from my balls as it coursed through me and then I was shuddering and spilling over her clenched fingers.

I sank back and let out a whimper. She stayed in that position, just holding me as I trembled and tried to regain some semblance of control. But what can any bloke do in that moment when a girl sees him as he really is, just a helpless male, not so tough and smart any more? With a wince, I opened my eyes and took in the scene, her fingers now gentle around me but still dripping with the thick viscous semen, running down her fingers, on my thighs and belly where it must have spurted out.

"Here..." I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket and tried to clean myself up; she rested my cock down tenderly and took it from me, wiping us both down.

I lay back staring up at the clear blue sky. "Why did you do that, Susie?" I muttered.

Susie lay down at my side and forced me to look at her. "Because you needed me to. I could see you were too excited. Now you are relaxed and loose. We can make love properly. It's OK, Lachlan. It's what a woman does for a man. It's a pretty awesome thing for a woman to see that happening. It doesn't seem dirty to me..."

I stroked her face. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

She looked away and played with a stem of long grass. "Is that going to be a problem for you?" she whispered.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Should it be?"

She smiled sadly. "I thought it might matter to you. That you would be the first. Men think things like that are important. They don't want to think of another man touching a woman they care about..."

"Reckon it's the same for a woman...who was he? Did you love him?"

Susie said nothing for a few moments. "Yes. I loved him. But it's over now. It hasn't got anything to do with us. This is so different, Lachlan... but if you think I'm a tart..."

"NO! Of course not...Susie...I think I'm falling in love with you...I just hope I'm as good as he was...."

She kissed me and I rolled her over onto her back. She helped me shrug off the remainder of my clothes and then we fell on each other, flesh against flesh, the hot sun on my back. She had been right. I felt relaxed and sensuous - but I knew I could take it slow now. Do what I really wanted. Make love to her.

It felt so wild and free, out in the open on that hot summer day, naked as babies. We spent a long time just kissing. Kissing everywhere. All over her body. Every part of her that I could reach, I kissed and touched. Even down there, between her legs, while she lay and moaned softly. It was more beautiful than I had ever dreamed. That secret place of a woman. The little petals of pink skin peeking out of the soft mound, the neat curls surrounding it. Reminded me of a flower. How can they be so pretty there when we are so ugly and hairy? How can she look on my body with those eyes that make me feel so proud?

She smelt so good. Sweet perfume, fresh soap and that cloying scent between her legs that seemed to draw me as if I were an animal. Something in my soul said 'Smell! Taste!' I couldn't believe what I was doing, kissing and licking at her lips and burrowing my tongue into her folds. Her body was changing, writhing lewdly before me, sweet honey pouring from her.

I reckon I was doing it right because her fingers came to join my lips and she began to touch herself around that little swollen red lump that peeked out; I hadn't noticed it before. She groaned as she played around and I watched and tried to learn what she wanted. Suddenly she bucked and I realized this was it for a woman. She was coming. She was really coming. She had shown me her weakness as I had shown her mine.

Then it all went hazy. I was so hard again and I needed to be inside her. Needed it. Every nerve in my body was screaming that out to me. Susie was helpless, gasping, rolling about in my arms. I crawled over her and gently prised her legs apart, lowering myself on that place. My cock slicked through her wetness and I fumbled as I tried to work out where exactly it was supposed to go as my lips tried to capture hers. I felt her fingers grip me and guide me to her vagina and then she whispered, "Push!" and I did, my buttocks clenching as I thrust down just a little bit and felt myself slipping in.

I cried out then. How can imagination ever compensate for the real sensation? It was everything I had dreamed of - and so much more. Hot and wet, tight, tighter than my grip, walls pulsing and squeezing, thick cream helping me to glide deeper and deeper as with every little push, I eased further inside. Susie was moaning, muttering things that made my head swim. "Oh God, Lach...you're so big...so strong...I can feel you....oh God..."

I don't know what made me stop but suddenly I remembered. I couldn't do this to her. She might get pregnant. With a grunt I pulled out and rolled back, shaking with the effort of will it had taken.

"What is it?" she gasped.

"Rubber..." I grabbed my pants and rummaged around for my wallet, pulling out one of the condoms that Duncan had given me. 

"Oh God...Lachlan...Thank God you remembered...I just lost my head." 

I ripped the covering and dragged it out in a little puff of powder. I realized that I didn't have any idea how to do this. I could have kicked myself for not having done a trial run or read the bloody instructions.

"Here...let me..."Susie said impatiently and she fitted it on my tip and rolled it back with an experienced hand. For a moment a twinge of annoyance pecked at my self confidence. How many times had she done this before? But I was too far along the way for it to stop me. Reckon she was almost there again too.

It didn't take long then. I entered her again, missing the touch of her naked flesh that I had tasted the first time but aware that we had to be responsible about this. She wrapped her legs about me. I buried myself deep and then we simply made love like two free spirits until I could not bear it any more and spilled in deep shudders into the rubber shield while she pulsed around me. I think she came again. She said she did anyway.

Everything went quiet. I sank on top of her until I realised that she was gasping for breath; with a sleepy grin, I rolled to the side and she curled up against my chest.

And there we lay under a burning January sun, our bodies tired and sun kissed, our flesh sore and smeared with our essences. I felt a oneness with the world, with nature, with my fate. This is what I had been born for. To be a man for the woman I loved. My head swam with pleasure and joy, and the feel of this girl clinging onto me made my heart sing. Everything was different now. I didn't need to go out and find the world. I had it here in the palm of my hand. Duncan was right. My father had been right. What more does any man need than this?

 

 

*

 

That was the first time of many. Once we had stepped across the barrier then there was no going back. Every day we found ways and means to be alone, making love in every way our brains could think of. Susie was unrestrained where before she had been proper. But she was not a tease. She had made her mind up and she was ready. Nothing was forbidden between us now.

Of course, I had to admit, she knew more than I did. She showed me positions and ways of touching her I wouldn't have dreamed of. I let her lead me, but still, when it came to it, she wanted me to be the man and loved nothing better than for me to use my strength to love her. It was intoxicating, addictive, obsessive behaviour. My friends made jokes about it but I wouldn't discuss anything; I even smacked Denny on the nose one day when he made a crude remark about what we'd been up to. My family just made fun. Dad called me "Romeo" without realizing how near to the truth he was. Mum ruffled up my hair and said things like 'Make sure you behave the right way, you hear?' Bryan kept singing 'Here comes the bride' and Duncan just gave me his superior look.

And got me as many condoms as I wanted. "Bloody hell, Lachlan, you finished those already? It'll bloody fall off one of these days..." he laughed. But he was impressed.

 

*

 

I began to think about pulling out of going to Uni in the new term. I had this place at Monash down in Victoria to read Mathematics but I wondered about seeing if I could transfer to Brisbane. They've got a decent Uni even if it would mean seeing more of Duncan than I really wanted to. He's about to start his third year Medicine. Susie was training at the Royal Brisbane Hospital and she lived in a hostel. We could see each other whenever we wanted and even sleep together in my digs - no one would know. I thought about it night and day and one day raised the issue with her. We had just been to the flicks and were having a milkshake in town.

"You are going to come to Brisbane?" she gasped.

"Yeah...well, I was thinking about it...changing courses. There's still time, I think. We could see each other all the time, date properly, have a drink....even, you know...sleep in the same bed..." I don't know why I blushed when I said that after what we had done together but it seemed like a further intimacy, an admission of a closer relationship than we had actually discussed. She seemed uncertain.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Lachlan..." she began

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because...because...I'm a nurse. We have strict curfews. Men are not allowed in the hostels..."

I laughed. "I didn't bloody mean in your hostel. I'll get some digs. Room in a boarding house. No one cares who a bloke brings home..."

"Oh yeah? So you'd let people think I was a goodtime girl, would you?" she asked haughtily.

I winced at that. "Bloody hell, you know I don't mean that! I just meant that....you know? No one would know or even care. It's a big city...not like Cloncurry..."

She still seemed annoyed about something. "I don't think it's a good idea. You stay where you are. We can correspond, get to know each other better...."

"Better? We've had sex every bloody way known to mankind...how much better do you want it to get?" I snapped back. She had upset me. I had thought we were closer than that.

"Thanks for letting the whole place know!" she hissed.

"No one heard! Jesus...!"

"You never used to swear in front of me..."

"What?" I asked. "I thought we were close enough for me to relax and be myself. You were the one who said it, for Christ's sake!" I exclaimed and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. What the bloody hell was wrong with her?

"I think you are taking me for granted. Just because I let you take liberties..."

"Liberties? I took liberties? Don't remember you complaining...as I recall you started the whole bloody thing off. I would never have dreamed of..."

She stood up, her face white with anger. "Oh no...perfect little Lachlan Curry would never have a dirty thought in his life. It's just the naughty little slut who led him on...Sometimes I just hate men!"

She turned on her heel and stormed out, banging the door behind her in temper. I sat and fumed, trying to work out exactly what was going on.

"Crikey, talk about trouble in paradise..." Rod and Billy M slipped into the leather banquette by me. "So what was that all about?"

"Nothing," I snapped and concentrated on drinking the milkshake that was curdling in my stomach.

"Didn't sound like nothing..."Rod laughed. I gave him a warning glare. "Keep your hair on. Fancy getting juiced up?"

Billy laughed. "My folks are away...we're gonna get Mick Brogan to get us a couple of crates of stubbies and have a booze up. You in?"

"Now you're bloody talking..." Was I ever in the mood for a skinful.

 

*

 

I woke up the next morning with my head in the dog basket muttering "Susie...Susie..." The bloody dog was licking my face. My mates were rolling over laughing at my performance; still it couldn't have been worse than the night before. I had this vague memory of telling them about some of the stuff Susie and I had got up to...Oh bloody hell, how could I have boasted about that? I was ashamed of myself.

Slinking off, nursing a giant sized hangover and with a mouth like a shearer's armpit, I walked home and arrived just as everyone was sitting down to breakfast.

"What time do you call this?" Mum snapped at me.

"Dunno," I mumbled and drank from a bottle of milk.

"Where've you been?" Dad challenged me.

"With my mates."

"You were out with Susie last night. I hope you haven't been..."

"Been what? I said I was with my mates, didn't I!" I barked back.

Dad's face set. "Watch your tone with me, young man. What happened to Susie?"

"I don't bloody know!"

"Lachlan! Language!" Mum exclaimed. Bryan snorted into his cereal bowl, and Duncan grimaced.  

"You've been drinking, haven't you?" Dad said, anger rising.

"How can you tell?" I sassed back. The others drew a sharp breath. Dad glowered.

"I'm warning you! You're underage and I will not have my son..."

"What? Make your bloody mind up...you won't have me spend the night with my girl but then you won't have me drinking with my mates either...what the flaming hell can I do? How old do you think I am?" I shouted.

"Not too old that I can't give you a good hiding, you little hoon!" Dad shouted back.

Mum stepped up. She looked mad but she was composed. "Go upstairs, have a bath and then get some sleep! I'm not talking to you in this belligerent mood. When you've sobered up and sorted out your mouth then we'll sit down and discuss this rationally. Now go upstairs and mind your manners in this house!"

Mum never shouts - especially not at me. I think in some ways I was always a bit of a favourite of hers. Not that she plays favourites really but Duncan is a bit deep and Bryan is a little pain - she always said I reminded her of Dad when he was younger. Soft, I reckon. With her anyway. We still have a cuddle, except these days she sits on my knee not the other way round. I've always been my Mum's boy. Guess I always will be.

So that little conversation really put the icing on the cake. I stormed upstairs and had a bath and then threw myself into bed. Must have slept for hours. I woke up mid afternoon with Duncan shaking me.

"You all right? What happened? You and Susie have a blue? Someone said...."

"Flaming hell, can't I do anything in this town without everyone knowing...?"

Duncan grinned. "Course you can't. I'm trying to sympathise, you drongo! You get tanked up last night? You look like shit warmed over..."

"Thanks." I threw a pillow at him.

"Go and see her, mate...She probably feels the same."

"I was pretty rotten to her..."

"Talk it over with her, not me. Go on...I'll cover for you...."

 

 

That's what found me late afternoon, knocking at Susie's door, not even sure what I was going to say. I thought no one was in at first - their car was gone- but finally the door opened a crack and she was standing there. I could tell she'd been crying. I felt a whole lot worse.

"Susie? I'm so sorry...I'm just so sorry for what I said..." I must have looked a state, disheveled, unshaved, hair un-brushed. Susie flung back the door and ran into my arms.

"Lachlan...I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it..." She pulled me into the house and we kissed deeply, neither able to say what we felt in any other way but physically. I pulled her against me and gloried in the feel of her.  She began to pull at my shirt.

"Hey, what about your olds..?" I protested, trying to stop her. I felt awkward in the middle of their lounge room.

She smiled. "Out. All day. Won't be back until late tonight... Come on...my room...you mentioned something about doing it in a bed...?"

"Bloody hell, Susie...not here! In your place?" I gasped as she pulled me to the stairs.

"Come on...you look so darn sexy...all swarthy and manly...I love you like that...makes you look older...more rough....come and give me some wild loving..."

We were both so overwrought and emotional that we simply went for it. I threw her screaming with laughter over my shoulder and ran up the stairs two at a time, tossing her on her bed and we ripped each other's clothes off. They always say that kissing and making up is the best part of a quarrel. They're not wrong. Both of us completely lost it that afternoon. I was like an animal and she was just so uninhibited.

Her room was typically girly, all flowery and pink coverlet, a few soft toys and dolls arranged on a shelf above her bed. The room smelt of sweet perfume and flowers; it was virginal and pure and it made the whole idea of having sex in that setting a bigger come on. I felt hard and masculine in such an environment and, after the treatment my parents had just doled out to me, I suppose it seemed to redress the balance. I wasn't a kid. I was a man.

We rolled over and over on the bed, groaning and muttering dirty talk and love talk and just plain nonsense. She held me down and pierced herself on my cock; I closed my eyes and let her go as she bounced up and down breathlessly, her breasts jiggling. But finally the frenzy of lust passed and I gently laid her down where we loved each other tenderly, staring into each other eyes as I ploughed her body and she squeezed me tight..

Susie looked so beautiful; her shiny yellow hair spread out on the pillow, her perfect body open for me. Her lips were swollen with our wild kissing, her soft cheeks were red with the raw abrasive rub of my stubble. That excited me more, something of the brute in me, her female tenderness beneath my rough maleness. I think it aroused her too, even as it frightened us both a little bit.

When I came, I was finished, completely rooted. I fell on her and managed to ease to my side but I don't remember much else. We didn't talk much. Sleep claimed us both - me after my drunken night and she after probably crying half the night herself.

That must have been why we didn't hear.

The next thing I knew I heard a piercing cry and woke with a start. Old Mr. Cronin ran in and bundled his wife out, shouting at me. "You dirty little bastard!"

There wasn't much left to the imagination, I can tell you. I was lying flat out naked on my back with Susie curled up equally naked on my chest. I jumped up and began to look for my skivs while Susie shrieked and hid beneath the counterpane.

"You bloody little pervert! Play the nice little innocent to our faces and then take advantage of my granddaughter behind our backs! I should tan your hide, you bloody larrikin!"

Tom Cronin was incandescent with rage, his face shaking and his colour blood red; I was scared he would have a heart attack or something. I threw on my clothes and he dragged me out, shouting at Susie to get dressed and he would send her Nan up to see she was all right. I got hauled down the stairs and kicked out to his car.

"Get in, ya bastard! I'm driving you home to sort this out with your Mam and Dad. And if that girl's 'in the way' then you are bloody going to marry her, you hear? Not that you're what we want for a girl like her. No bloody job and just out of short pants..."

He muttered on like that all the way home while I just slunk in the passenger seat and tried to clear a head that was still reeling from the embarrassment of being found in that position. My heart was thumping and my head aching, my mouth was dry and the palms of my hands moist at the thought of the scene facing me back home.

Tom Cronin stopped the car and dragged me out by the scruff of my neck. I wanted to shake him off - I was stronger than he was - but I was afraid to hurt him or make him angrier. So that was what happened. He simply pushed me into the house through the back kitchen screen door and everyone turned to stare.

"Your son....your son..." Tom began, spluttering with anger.

Dad stood up, realising straight away that something was up. "Duncan, take Bryan out for a game of footy. Now!" His voice was firm and Duncan did as he was told, giving me a look of sympathy as he pushed Bryan before him. As soon as the door was closed, my father turned to the older man. I just stood there with my head hung down.

"What's the problem, Tom?"

"Your son...this little bugger here....has had his way with my granddaughter. I found them in her bed in my house! Not a stitch of clothing on either of them. If she's up the spout..."

Mum gasped. Dad interrupted. "Ruth...go into the kitchen. Please...let Tom and me talk this out man to man...." He never mentioned me, just glared in my direction.

She looked at me and then looked at Dad, gave a choked sob and gathered up her darning to take it with her. Poor Mum. Even now she still had one of our socks in her hand or a shirt without a button. Her fingers were never still. The door swung closed and the atmosphere changed.

"Is this true. Is this bloody true, Lachlan?" Dad asked me, incredulous.

"Yes, sir," I mumbled.

"True? He stuck it up her, the little bastard, and was in her bed sleeping it off. What are you going to do about it, Curry?" Tom Cronin addressed my Dad aggressively.

Fair play to my Dad, he didn't just roll over and take it. "Tom, first I'm going to tell you to calm down. There were two of them involved in this and it strikes me he didn't do this alone..."

"What? How dare you suggest my Susie is a little slut..."

"I didn't. But I am also not accepting that Lachlan forced himself on her either. He isn't eighteen yet and she must be nearly twenty..."

"What has that got to do with it? A bloke ought to know how to treat a lady with respect..."

"I agree. I am not defending either of them. Tom, go home and look after Susan. I shall deal with this young man. And if there is a child, then we will deal with that in the right way. My son will always take responsibility for any mistake he makes. You know he will."

Dad guided Mr. Cronin to the hallway and they spoke for a while. I heard the other man leave and then the sound of Dad returning to the lounge room.

"How long has this been going on?" He didn't stand on ceremony.

I shrugged. "Couple of weeks."

"Bloody hell, Lachlan! She could be pregnant, surely you know that...!"

"We used rubbers. I was careful..."

"Oh you were, were you? Bloody oath, what kind of man are you? In a town like this? Where did you buy them? And you better say your prayers there isn't a hole in any of them. They're not bloody foolproof, you know!"

I said nothing. I couldn't exactly admit it without dropping Duncan right in it. Dad said nothing but shook his head. "This will break your mother's heart, you know, if you've got this girl in trouble and have to marry her...? You are a child still, for God's sake! No degree, no job, no prospects - what kind of life is that for the pair of you? Do you want to throw everything away even before your life begins? Just for the sake of your rampant penis? Good God, Lachlan, I thought there was more to you than that...."

"I love Susie!" I protested.

"Love? Don't make me laugh. Love? Get out of my sight!  I need to think - and at the moment my real concern is for your mother and your two brothers. You can go and wallow in your own mess for the time being!"

I reeled with the blasting he gave me. My Dad's strict but he's normally a soft spoken man who is always firm but fair. I had never seen him so angry in all my life. The worse thing was his disappointment in me. I had let him down. I felt ashamed. I loved my father and wanted to emulate him, to one day be a man like him who people admired and respected, who was known for his wisdom and humanity. To have him look at me with such disgust made me feel worse than anything else that had happened yet. And then there was my mother. How could I face her now?

Wandering out of the house, I made my way out into the fields, ending up in that same place where Susie and I had first made love. I sat there and cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I cried from shame and humiliation, from anger and bitterness, from the fear that they would never let us meet again, from the disappointment that I was to my parents.

 

 

*

 

I came home when it was dark and slipped back into the house. Mum had left my dinner in the oven to keep warm and I ate alone, playing with my food, little interested in eating. The rest of the family was in the front room listening to the radio, I could hear the patter of some comedy programme; it was the last thing I needed just then.  Making for the stairs, I went up to my room and just lay there in the dark. Later Duncan came up and crept in, sitting on my bed.

"You OK, mate?"

"Yeah."

"Did he catch you and Susie..."

"Yeah."

"Bloody hell...!"

"Give it a rest, will ya?"

I turned my head to the wall and made it clear that I wasn't going to talk anymore. He gave up and went to bed; I heard him snoring softly not long afterwards.

But I couldn't sleep. 

Getting up, I went into the bathroom and took a glass of water. Climbing out onto the roof through the window I sat in a favourite spot we had had as kids, just in the shelter of the eaves and watched the moon. It was a clear starry night, the Southern Cross clearly visible, the night air hot and humid. It was so quiet that you could hear every tiny noise; the snoring of my brother back in our room, the cry of a distant dingo, a car engine backfiring somewhere far away on the main road.

And voices from the open window of my parents' room.

"....I tell you, that girl's no angel. She's trouble and it was evident when you looked at her. What is a girl of twenty interested in a younger lad for anyway?"

"Archie! He's a good looking boy and mature for his age. He could pass for twenty one. He's broader than Duncan..."

"He's still a boy. What does he know? They're so mixed up at that age..."

"I know. Especially Lachie. He's such a gentle boy at heart. He's got all these romantic notions, you know? Bit of a dreamer.  Easy for a girl to twist him round her little finger. You're right. Edith Tomlinson said she got herself in some trouble in Brisbane, that why she's here for the summer... to get her away from some fella..."

"There you go. A beautiful girl sets her sights on an innocent lad like that? Puts in on a plate? Come on, love, he's only human. She's a hussy but he'll pay the price if there's a baby. You know he will. He'll have to give up all his hopes and dreams, marry her and still she won't settle. It will be a disaster."

"Just pray there isn't a baby, Archie..."

"Yeah, love. But he did use rubbers. I've been wondering recently. I have this box in the surgery. They kept disappearing. Duncan knew they were there so I reckoned he was taking them. Well, it might be theft ,but if I hand them out to the shearers, then I suppose my son has a right to be responsible..."

I heard my Mum giggle. Giggle? Mum? About condoms? "Well, Duncan will have had his fair share, mark my words. He and Frannie are like two love birds. He thinks I don't know he's been sleeping out whenever he can..."

Dad sniggered. "Thank Christ we've only got boys. Imagine a daughter!"

"Like me? Remember when we used to meet in the surgery and make love on the examination couch? My Dad would have killed you..."

"Well as long as we maintain our wedding anniversary is June not August then we're in the clear. Your Dad was pretty decent about it when we told him..."

"Well, we were engaged! And you were a good catch! He was no fool..."  That was a revelation. I smirked to myself. Bloody hell, they weren't really that mad, just doing the parent thing! Dad had been a bit of a Casanova with Mum? They had had to get married?

"I'll never forget your Dad patting me on the back saying. 'I might not be a doctor, Archie, but I know this much. All babies take nine months. Except the first!' He was a good sort, your Dad. Old school but he knew the way it was..."

"Was? Finished with all that now have you? Getting a bit old? Can't keep up with your sons?"

Mum's voice had changed. It was husky and sort of cheeky, as if she was flirting. I could hardly recognize Mum and Dad being sexy. 

"This feel like it's finished? The day my sons outdo me will be a cold day in hell, love. Come here...think I need to show you who's the real lover boy in this house..."

I couldn't stay at that point. Gulping, I legged it back to the bathroom and my room. My mood was considerably lighter. But one thing was niggling. What had they meant about Susie getting into some trouble in Brisbane? What did they know about her that I didn't?

 

*

 

The next day I made my mind up to see Susie. I came down for breakfast and everything was pretty subdued. After I had eaten we had to smarten up and go to Church as normal on a Sunday. I was pleased really. It gave me time to think and make a few plans. Mum nudged me when I wasn't singing; I got stuck in and she gave me a wry smile. I smiled shyly back. I reckoned we were going to be alright.

On the way out, I saw Susie in town. She's a Catholic, we're C of E, so she was standing at the porch of Our Lady of Grace's across the road with her grandparents, deep in conversation with one of the nuns. No doubt discussing her immortal soul.

I hung back and told Mum and Dad I would walk home. I don't suppose they were fooled but they let me away with it. "We need a word when you get back, son!" Dad reminded me. I nodded and wandered about at the back of the churchyard until everyone had gone.

Susie had seen me and I knew she would get away if she could. I sat down in the graveyard and lit a cigarette, smoking pensively. About fifteen minutes and a few more fags later, she ran up. "Lachlan....oh Lachlan...."

We kissed softly and I took her hand, running off with her over towards the road out of town and away from prying eyes. She leaned against me as we walked along arms wrapped round each other's waists. It felt so reassuring to touch her again. "What did they say? Was it really bad?" I asked her.

She blew air out and sat down on a wall. "They went on and on. You know the way they are! Called my Mum and Dad. They gave me right earful. Told me I was grounded and I couldn't see you again..."

"How did you get out today?"

"Just slipped out. There'll be hell to pay but I wasn't going to leave it like that. They said if I saw you again they would send me back to Brisbane. They will now. Mum and Dad say I'm a handful and it isn't fair on my grandparents to expect them to take this worry on..."

"Bloody hell! You're leaving?" I groaned.

She hunched her shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe. Lachlan, we need to talk. There are things I haven't told you..."

I think I knew before she began, especially after hearing my parents commenting on her the night before. She told me the story of why she had been pulled out of nursing school and sent to Cloncurry for the summer.

Susie had met a doctor in the hospital where she worked called Michael Hathaway. He was a lot older than her and married with three children. They had fallen in love and had an affair. His wife had found out and contacted the matron. Matron had called her parents. The whole thing had been a terrible stink and threatened to ruin Michael's career, not to mention his marriage.

"Married with three kids? And he seduces a girl of nineteen? What kind of bloke is he? Bloody hell!" I shouted, angry at the thought of how she had been used.

"It wasn't like that! He wasn't a sleaze! We fell in love. It was ages before he did anything - even kiss me. Lachlan, we couldn't help ourselves!"

"He's married! What about his wife? Children?"

"We didn't want to hurt them! We thought we could keep it secret..."

"Is he the one? He took your virginity?" I whispered.

She nodded. "There was only you and him. I'm not a tart."

"Why did you take up with me then?" I had to know.

She looked at her feet and fiddled with the belt of her dress. "It was over, I knew that. I just wanted to start again with a decent boy of my own age. I liked you from the word go and you were so gentle and honest and good looking and..."

"You make me sound like a faithful dog.! Answer me this, Susie. I told you I loved you. Do you love me? Or you just toying with me to help you forget? Whose arms were you really in this summer?"

She didn't shirk my question but she didn't answer it either. All I got was a look of brutal honesty and a hauntingly sad expression in her eyes. "I care a lot about you, Lachlan. I wouldn't have just gone with anyone..."

"Yeah, right," I swallowed hard and turned away, my hands in my pockets.

"One day, you'll understand what I am trying to say..."

"I'm too young? That what you mean? Like everyone else? Wasn't too young to fuck you though? You liked my dick well enough..." I could hardly believe the words were coming out of my mouth. I saw her shudder as if I had hit her, my words like blows.

"I know you don't mean that, Lachlan...you're just hurting..."

"You bet, I am. I believed in you. Opened my heart to you. Thought that you were the finest thing in the world. And it was all a pack of lies. You're no better than those girls who hang around the shearing sheds. At least they are honest. You are just a user. You used me. I wish I'd never met you, you slut!"

Her face paled but she stayed there as still as a statue. I turned and walked away, shaking with emotion and temper. But even as I did I knew she was guilty of nothing but trying to start her life again. She had never lied to me. She had never pretended that this was forever. It was my own foolish heart that had built this all up into a great romance. A part of me wanted to run back and tell her I didn't mean it. Another wanted her to hurt as I did.

Thank God the better part of me won out. 

All of a sudden I turned on my heel and ran back to her. She was still there, sitting on the rough stone wall, tears pouring down her face. "I didn't mean it, Susie. I didn't mean it..."

"I know..." she whispered as she took me in her arms and held my head against her shoulder. "I know..." 

 

 

It was the last time I saw Susie. I walked her back to her grandparents' house and we said goodbye. Whatever happened we both knew it was over. Not because I was too young. Or because we had been warned off each other.

We knew it was over because I was in love with her and she was not in love with me and it simply could not work. Not for me - and not for Susie.

 

 

That night I had a talk with my Dad that was calm and rational and he treated me like a man. A young man, to be fair, which is what I was, but still a man. We spoke of love and sexuality and responsibility. We spoke of life and the future and the time when it was right. I left the study feeling good about myself and with a lot of things to think on for the future.

Later Mum came into my room and sat on my bed as she had done when I'd been a little lad who had been sent to bed for doing something naughty. She put her arms around me and ruffled up my hair. "You gonna be all right, Lachie?"

"I hate that name," I murmured.

She smiled. "I know. But you will always be my little Lachie. You just have to understand that, sweetheart." There were tears in her eyes.

I nodded. "I loved her, Mum. It didn't feel dirty to us. It was beautiful."

"I know, Lachlan. And it wasn't dirty. I am so sorry you had that private moment disturbed. I am not going to lecture you on morals. You are a man now and you must make your own mind up. Just take care. Of your body. And of your heart. This life is full of things ahead of you. Some good. Some bad. But all of them are yours and you must make the choices on your own. I want you to live life to the full. But I hate to see you suffer!"

We both had a little cry. Then we laughed. I realised something then that I have never forgotten. When a woman has a son, she has to watch him grow and leave her. Turn to other women. Forget the gentle ways she taught him and join a world that is more hard and brutal. That is the way of life but whatever I think I know about love, I learnt it as much from her as any other girl I have ever known.

 

 

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