I

The young officer rode out of the fort in the predawn, leading another horse carrying light gear. His intentions were unclear- the only thought in his mind was to escape. He headed south but always off the main routes, skirting through forests and uninhabited areas, avoiding human contact. Reaching the foothills of the Alps he turned west and made for Gallia Lugdunensis. His journey had taken many weeks and the autumn was beginning to turn to winter.

Through all this time, Maximus had thrown off the little veneer of civilisation that he usually carried with him. In the mountains and forests he had lived wild, his only companions his horses. Hunting and foraging for food, bathing in mountain streams, unshaved and unshorn, he would not have been recognisable even to those who knew him well. His wild appearance drove away any travellers who chanced upon him; he presented the air of someone dangerous- a deserter, a runaway slave or even a brigand. It suited him well to observe the fear with which people viewed him; he wanted no truck with men.

The approaching winter drove him south; somewhere in him he longed for the light and warmth of home. One night he found himself approaching the great western capital of Lugdunum and the land of his mother's people. Stopping in an outlying hamlet, he was attracted by the lights of a tavern. His nights were still disturbed by dreams and he suddenly desired to drown himself in enough wine to block his nightmares.

Within the crude shanty, the air was thick with the smell of humanity and poverty, the detritus of the Roman world. It was a fitting ambience for the man's dark mood. Slumping in a corner, he indicated that he wished for wine; this was done merely by an inclination of his head, he did not speak. Several jugs later, his head in his hands, he did not notice the girl approach him. She observed him for a few moments and then sat down on a stool opposite.

"You interested - or do you just want to drink yourself to death?"

Maximus shot her a look; she noticed the piercing colour of his eyes. He said nothing but stared at her for a while. Suddenly he moved and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her towards the rooms at the back.

"Slow down, boy. Money first." He threw a coin at her and she bit on it, and then slipped it in her pocket. "This way."

Passing through a low archway, he so tall that he had to lower his head, he found himself in a corridor with several curtained alcoves. Most were occupied, the groans and noises of rough lovemaking evident. The place smelt of urine, stale sweat and the residue of sex; he felt the bile rising and thought he would vomit. The girl led him to an empty cubiculum and drew the curtain. "What do you want?" No reply. The man merely indicated with his hand that she should remove her clothes. She complied.

Maximus watched her pull the rags from her. She was a young woman, maybe fifteen or sixteen but her belly already showed the signs that she was a mother. Her breasts were full, her skin was dark and her black hair suggested she was a southern Celt. Had she not had the hard resigned face of a well-used whore, she might have been pretty- but the flower of her youth had been burnt out long ago.

The girl came to him and tried to put her arms around his shoulders but he shrugged her away, taking her by her hair and thrusting her down onto her knees. Releasing himself from his subligar, he pushed against her mouth and she took him between her lips, a dead expression on her face. Maximus leaned back against the wall, a groan emerging from him- the first sound he had made. Closing his eyes, he tried to give himself over to the moment, but a memory came before him of a sweeter time when another woman had given him such relief and it had seemed a beautiful thing not this casual obscenity.

Grunting with temper at his inability to forget, he pushed the girl away and dropped to his knees, throwing her onto the cold stone floor and parting her legs roughly. For the first time she demurred. "At least let me get on the bed!" Maximus saw her pull away and turn and something snapped. He grabbed her and hit her across the face with the back of his hand, full force. The girl was knocked back to the floor, blood already welling from her split lip and a bruise forming on her cheek; she gasped with fear at the force of his anger.

Before she could react, he turned her over and forced her to her knees; she was whimpering and pleading with him not to hurt her- he found the sound of her terror arousing. Kneeling behind her, he hoisted her by the hips and plunged into her, aware that she was dry and he was tearing her. In a few hard thrusts he came and flung the limp body away from him, suddenly desperate to be far from this place and the degradation he had visited upon her.

The girl gathered up her clothes and ran from the room as he repaired his dress. About to exit through the curtain, he found his way blocked by a large, threatening man.

"Like to hurt my girls, do you? How about trying me for size then, prick?"

Maximus took a step back and sneered at him. With a lightening movement, he raised his right elbow and smashed it into the man's jaw, hearing the crack as it shattered and tasting the spurt of blood. Drawing his knee up and slamming it into the man's groin, he watched the giant keel over and made his way out past the moaning body. Frightened girls and watchful customers eyed him as he walked through to the tavern and out. No one challenged him. Something in his eyes warned them not to.

II

As Maximus rode down the paved way from the gateway of his property, past the towering evergreens skirting the route and descended into the valley, he saw his fields, harvest long collected and the rose pink stone of his childhood home nestled on the opposite slope. For an instant he saw himself as a small boy, running down the same hill with his friends, the shadowy figure of a beautiful woman waiting for him with her arms outstretched to catch him. His mother. What would she make of the man her innocent boy had become? Perhaps it was better that she had died when she did before she could look at him with eyes full of disapproval and shame.

Smoke was rising from the villa; a welcome still waited for him there. Spurring on his horse, he continued on. The Villa Meridia was a well-appointed working estate, small but prosperous, if not on the scale of the great Italian latifundia. His father had always left the day- to-day running of his affairs to his friend Cardo and his wife Velita; both were devoted to the family and still remained there as estate manager and his wife. Cardo commanded a small force of slaves to work the land; temporary itinerant workers were employed at harvest time or sowing. Maximus was more fortunate than he realised in this family who were stewards of his property; many such arrangements would have led to ruin if a man stayed away for years and paid scant regard to the business of his patrimony.

As he approached, Cardo stepped outside with a few stout slaves behind him. He had been a soldier in his younger days, served under Maximus' father, and he was still able to defend himself. Not that it was called for as a rule; Truillo was a quiet place and little disturbed the rural calm. But the stranger had a menacing look and might be looking for trouble.

"What's your business here, son? A bit off the main road, aren't you?" Cardo inquired, eyeing up the dirty, unkempt rider. The man dismounted. "I think I need an answer. You're on private property and I know how to use this weapon."

Maximus gave Cardo a stare and then put his hands out to show he was not armed. And then he smiled stiffly; it was the first time he had exercised his facial muscles in a very long time.

"t's me. Maximus. Cardo, you old bastard- you forgotten me already?" he said, his voice, unused to talking, seeming hoarse and unfamiliar to his ear.

"Maximus? By the gods, I wouldn't have recognised you! You look like some marauding barbarian! Army standards fallen a bit since my day, I see!" The older man ran forward and hugged Maximus as if her were his own son; he had known him since the day he was born. His wife, Velita, also screamed with joy and ran from the house at the sight of the young master they had not seen for six years.

He was pulled into the house and introduced to some slaves who had never seen him before. Velita hurried to prepare some food but Maximus shook his head.

"A bath. I need a bath. Food later."

The small red brick bathhouse adjoined the property and Maximus breathed a sigh of relief as he lowered himself into the hot water and soaked the dirt of many weeks from his skin. Sweating in the caldarium, he looked at himself. He had lost weight and his skin was pale; the healthy bronze of the summer on Lake Balatona had long since faded. Raking his hands through his hair, the unfamiliar waves tangled, he thought about the future. What did he want from his life? Could he be satisfied here with these good people or would the spring see him desperate to return to the front? Perhaps he ought to go and see something more of the world than just army barracks- Egypt, Syria or even Rome itself? The idea of Rome brought the memories back. Not Rome. Not ever. Not even within a few hundred miles of Lucilla.

Plunging into the cold of the frigidarium, he was glad that it cooled down the instinctive ardour that the memory of his former lover always aroused in him. She came to him in sleep and it was as it had been then, and for a time he felt that peace and joy again until he woke with a start and his terrible recollection of her cruel mockery hit him full in the face. Sometimes he wished that he could be back in that room when he had held her by her neck- and in his imagination he strangled the life from her. The words 'it was hardly for your mind, was it?' still rang in his head. 'No, Lucilla, but I had thought it was for my love,' was the cry that answered her.

III

A fine repast was set out before him and he realised then how little he had eaten for so long, and how little he had cared about the food that he had consumed. Velita tempted him with local dishes that he had almost forgotten and the taste of home cooking was a simple pleasure. Cardo and Velita chatted away about the farm and local news but Maximus remained quiet; they put it down to tiredness.  In fact, Maximus was uninterested and found their talk tiresome; he barely remembered any of the local families and couldn't care less about the state of the farm. He made a pretence of listening but was really sunk in his own melancholy.

Pouring more of the fine strong wine offered to him, refusing Cardo's offer to cut it with some water, he felt himself growing restless and ill at ease in these neat domestic surroundings.

"Maximus- is there anything else you need?" asked Cardo innocently enough when Velita went to supervise the clearing away of the dishes.

Maximus downed another cup and poured again. "Woman."

"I beg your pardon, sir?"

"I want a woman. Get me one of the slave girls." He stared ahead of him not wishing to meet his steward's eyes, imagining the reaction.

"Sir, there are very few women here and none of them are really appropriate for ... Perhaps you might prefer to ride to Augustobriga one evening. I believe they have many brothels there."

"This is my estate. The slaves are my property. If I want one then I have her. Bring me a girl."

Cardo gasped at Maximus' words; it was hard to reconcile this man with the polite young nineteen year old who had brought his father's ashes home.

"They are mostly little more than children, master, the daughters of our field workers. Surely you wouldn't want a child?"

"What of the mothers? I don't give a fuck how old they are. Just get me one with a cunt, OK? If you can't manage to find one- send your wife to me."

Maximus heard the sharp intake of breath as Cardo rose and left the room. His skin crawled with shame at the way he had spoken to the older man but he still remained defiant. It was as if he wanted to strike out at anyone who showed him care or comfort; as though he never wanted to allow any person to be close to him again.

Rising from the table and knocking the chair on to the floor as he stumbled out, Maximus made his way to his bedchamber, throwing himself down on the soft bed, waiting for the inevitable knock. Meanwhile, Cardo went out to the slave quarters, shaking his head at the prospect of having to select one of the girls there. Of course he knew that it was the right of the head of the household to claim his master's authority and it was a normal part of the life of most slave women, but such behaviour had never been allowed in his father's day. Maximus himself, who even at sixteen had physically been a man, had never forced himself on any girl, always being polite and respectful even to the slave girls on the property. He was a soldier, true, and must have experience of women but it seemed alien for this young man of integrity to speak and act this way. What had happened in his life to drive him to this complete change in character?

Cardo knew there was only one girl that he could ask - Marilla. She was a fine looking young woman of about eighteen, the daughter of a slave of the estate and herself woman to another. Her man had died in an accident some months before just after the birth of their first baby. She was free, not a virgin and old enough to be asked to do this act. He could not have brought a younger woman or one of those who had a partner.

"Marilla?" She was in her room, her baby at her breast, crooning a gentle love song.

"Sir?" Placing the sleepy child in its little wooden cradle, Marilla tied up her tunic and stood before the man. "Is there something you wanted?"

Cardo breathed deeply. "Yes, my dear. You know the master has returned?" he observed the girl's eyes light up. "Maximus! I know. I sneaked a glance at him earlier- how different he looks with that thick beard and long hair!"

"He has asked me to bring him a woman for the night. Marilla, I would not ask this of you willingly but there is no one else suitable and he will not be dissuaded. It is his right."

The smile fell from Marilla's face. She remembered Maximus Meridius from his previous visits although she had only been a young girl. Six years ago, when his father had died and she had been almost thirteen, Marilla had fallen hopelessly in love with him. She had followed him everywhere like a little pet dog and he had been unfailingly sweet and tender but she had never received so much as a peck on the cheek from the serious young soldier. Now he wished to make love to her.

"It's all right, sir. I will go to him. He is a good man and will not hurt me. I am lonely and cannot think of another man whom I would prefer to use me than him. I'm glad you thought of me.  But my son needs looking after in the night. Would your wife mind taking him for me?"

Marilla handed over her child to the sad eyed man and he patted her fondly on the shoulder.

"Marilla, do not expect to find the old Maximus. He is much changed. Let him have his way and do not resist him. I fear he could be capable of violence."

The woman's face showed her unwillingness to believe what he had said. She washed her face and combed her hair, curling it up into a roll behind her head and changed into her best tunic. Tiptoeing out of the slave quarters, she made her way to the main house and entered, nervously climbing the stairs, her heart racing. At the room she knew was his, she stopped, took a deep breath and knocked.

IV

Hearing a gruff "intra!" she cautiously opened the door and found her master standing by the window looking out, a cup of wine in his hands. She closed the door and stopped in the middle of the room, clearing her throat to gain his attention. Maximus turned round. At close quarters, Marilla could see that it was the same boy that she had so passionately longed for, now a man. He seemed taller than she remembered and thicker set but the piercing blue-green eyes were the same; it was those that had first caught her attention.

"My lord. You sent for me. It is Marilla."

"Marilla?" He spoke the name without recognition and she felt a little surge of disappointment. "Take off your clothes!"

Startled by the abruptness of his command, Marilla gasped but slowly pulled the tunic from her shoulders and let it fall. "And the rest." Her eyes lowered and feeling shy before his cold gaze, she fumbled with the cloth that bound her breasts and the covering over her sex. Standing naked before him, she instinctively covered herself with her arms, beginning to shiver with the cool breeze and the rising apprehension that she felt.

Maximus indicated that she should go to the bed and lie down. Meanwhile he pulled off his tunic and subligar, tossing them to the floor and walking over to the bed. Marilla wondered at the sight of his naked body. His shoulders were rippling with hard muscle and his upper arms were enormous, clearly the result of years of sword and shield wielding. The pectoral muscles of his chest were heavily defined and lightly coloured with golden brown hair. Wide bands of muscle and sinew circled his broad flat abdomen and below, beneath the thatch of brown curls, hung his manhood, thick and heavy. His legs were long and well-shaped, rising to powerful thighs - Marilla had not known that men could look like this.

He watched her curious interest in his body with a mild disdain on his face and then lay down beside her. Taking her hand, he placed it on his member and she began to stimulate him, kneeling between his outstretched legs. He closed his eyes. When he began to harden, he pushed her head down to his groin and she realised what he wanted her to do. It was something she had no experience of; her man had never imposed on her in that way. Aware that she had little choice, she tried to kiss its tip, shrinking back a little at the taste of fluid that seeped out.

"Take it in your mouth!" her master commanded and he pushed her head down roughly. Marilla tried but was frightened now; worried at what he would do to her if she hurt him or accidentally bit him with her teeth. Raising her head to meet his gaze she said "I don't know how to, sir"

"Are you a virgin?"

"No sir, but I have never done this to a man before."

Suddenly there was a flash of something softer in his eyes, a look of kindness that she remembered from the past. He pulled her away from him and leaned her back on the bed.

"It doesn't matter. There are other things we can do."

Lying on his side, he touched her body, lingering on her heavy breasts, rolling the nipple between his finger and thumb. A spot of milk appeared. "You are feeding a child?" Marilla nodded.

Maximus dropped his head down and suckled on her breast. It both shocked and aroused her- she felt herself grow languid and wet as her milk flowed. For so long her breasts had belonged to her son and now this man was drinking from her and the act of nurture was becoming an act of sensuality. His hands moved down and parted her legs; he grunted in approval when he stroked her sex and found she was already moist. With little ceremony, he pushed her legs wider and mounted her, thrusting into her and causing her to cry out with pain.

"Put your legs round my waist." Maximus gruffly barked at her and as she wrapped herself round him, she found it less painful for the position opened her up to him. As soon as he felt himself slip in fully he began to thrust more forcefully and much faster, grunting with his effort and in a matter of a few seconds, she felt the warm semen flood inside and his shudder as he pumped himself into her.

Before she could adjust, he was already rolling away from her and returning to his jug of wine. "You can go now," he muttered.

"I was told you wanted me for the night. I have made arrangements for my baby. I can sleep with you if you like." Marilla did not want to leave like this. To be taken and discarded seemed a humiliation. She rose from the bed and went to him, sliding her arms up his naked back and over his shoulders. Maximus spun round and cast her from him as if her arms had burned him.

"I said GO!" he roared. 

His rage terrified her and she staggered back in shock. Retrieving her tunic and slipping it over her head and holding her undergarments in her hand, she fled from the room, his seed still leaking down her legs as if she had been branded by his touch. Marilla shook with fear. Dear goddess,' she prayed as she hurried back to the comparative safety of her room. 'Please do not let him ask for me again.'

V

Maximus rose early and took a walk around his property. He had slept better than for many weeks although the memory of his encounter with the slave girl still bothered him. He had remembered the name, a little dark haired girl who had followed him around quite clearly with a crush on him when he had last been home. She had been sweet and playful but he would never have taken advantage of her then as many young men of nineteen might have done with one of their slaves. But that had been a different Maximus. Last night he had used her and tossed her from him like a soiled rag. The knowledge of the bestiality that he was capable of made him feel nauseous and he tried to block it out in the cool morning air.

Lost in thought, he failed to see the horseman approaching until he was almost upon him. As he leant over the wall, staring at the valley spread out in front of him, a voice broke through:

"Is that really you, Maximus? By the gods, it's good to see you!"

Maximus spun round and saw a familiar face beaming down at him. It was Gaius Corellius Serenus, his father's oldest friend who owned a larger estate some miles further down towards Augustobriga. Corellius had been inseparable from his father since they had been small boys; they had enlisted together and served in the same legion. Both had returned home, married and started families but Corellius had been more fortunate. His wife had borne him many children and he had preferred the life of a gentleman farmer.

"Sir! It's good to see you." And it was. Even in Maximus' bleak frame of mind, this man was almost as good to see as if his father had somehow returned from the dead to stand before him.

Corellius viewed the man before him. He had known him since the day of his birth- in fact he and Meridius had drunk themselves insensible that night! His connection went back even further than that; it was he who had first flirted with the beautiful Lavinia, daughter of a town councillor of Lugdunum, Maximus' mother. But once she had seen Meridius, she had had eyes for no one else and he had accepted his defeat. Looking into the eyes of Maximus, he saw that same aquamarine gaze that had so attracted him to his mother. Poor girl- she should have been here to see her son a man!

"Well- you certainly have grown more hairy with the years? What's all this beard and shaggy locks? Surely this is not the standard for tribunes these days?"

"Legate, if you don't mind! Cavalry legate only, but it's a start!" laughed Maximus.

"By the Gods, Maximus, your father would be proud of you! But my reason for coming! My wife and I want to invite you to dinner this afternoon. There is so much to catch up on. When I heard you were back, I could not wait to see you. Are you free?"

"Yes, sir. I would be delighted- and I promise to smarten myself up. I have been months on the road and apologise for my appearance. My father would have clipped my ear had he seen me like this!"

"Until the ninth hour then and stay over. If your appetites are anything like your father's for my fine wine, you will be unable to ride home anyway!"

As Corellius rode away, Maximus realised that his conversation with him had probably be the longest he had had with anyone in months. It had been impossible to shut out his father's friend as he had done with other people; it would almost have been like spurning his own father. He didn't have much pride left but enough not to want Corellius to discover the man he had become.

The Corellian estate was an hour's ride away and Maximus left home earlier than he really needed to enjoy the autumn sunshine. Passing the slave quarters on the way to the stables, he almost bumped into Marilla who was carrying water; her baby bundled to her by a wide cloth. She recoiled and lowered her eyes, slopping water from her pail. Maximus was equally embarrassed by the chance meeting in the light of day; his drunken abuse of the previous night an unspoken accusation hovering in the air between them.

"Good afternoon, Marilla."

"Master," she nodded and tried to slip away.

"Your baby?" He indicated the child who was peering out from his mother's breast.

"My son."

Maximus tilted his head to see the child better and smiled at the little baby. "He's a handsome boy."

Marilla raised her eyes to Maximus for the first time, a slight air of defiance in them.

"He's your property, just as I am. No doubt you'll find a use for him one day."

The comment seemed to cut him; he flinched at the rebuke. Stepping backwards, he let her past and she scuttled away, her heart pounding. His eyes followed her as she ran, a sudden thought striking him. 'How did I make her feel? What had she ever done to me that I should have treated her like that? Why is my pain of so much more significance than that of other people? Must I replicate Lucilla's cruelty on every innocent I meet?'

He did not realise it at that moment but he had taken the first step towards recovery.

VI

"And what of your family, sir?" Maximus and Corellius were sharing a drink on the balcony of his large villa; it was late afternoon and they were waiting for dinner to be served.

"Almost all grown and flown from the nest. My eldest two were daughters, as you may remember- you used to torment them mercilessly when you were a boy! Both married and living away- one is down in Emerita and another outside Augustobriga -both have a string of children! My eldest boy, Gaius, is in N. Africa with the IIIrd Augusta and the younger Titus in Britannia, freezing his butt off on that Wall! We only have the baby left now- she was a late blessing. She won't be dining with us- I fancy some of the conversations of your army exploits won't be quite suitable for tender ears! I think I will dismiss my wife early come to think of it. I've got a good few stories of my own from years ago. Your father and I were a pair of rogues, I can tell you! Don't be fooled by that gravitas he assumed with you- he was an inveterate womaniser before he met your mother!"

The thought of his worthy father whoring around Lugdunum with Corellius brought a smile to the younger man's face. His father had only visited the camp women when absolutely necessary and had been unfailingly discreet about it. Maximus knew that his love for his mother had remained a constant beacon in his life and he had hated to besmirch her memory by giving in to baser instincts. Most of his nights, when he thought his son was sleeping, were spent staring into the fire and playing with the ivory figurine he had placed on his lararium to commemorate his dead wife and baby.

It was a pleasant evening: good food, fine wine and the pleasure of reminiscence. Maximus felt the warmth of old companionship begin to thaw the chill around his heart. He relaxed and opened up a little himself (certain subjects excluded) and told a few bawdy stories that amused Corellius. They laughed heartily and drank deeply.

"There was something I wanted to sound you out on, Max." Corellius filled the younger man's cup again. "Have you... any one special waiting for you back in Germany?"

"Special? You mean a woman? No." Maximus' face suddenly became serious, and Corellius noticed a veil come down over his eyes. He understood not to pursue the subject of Germany further.

"Before your father died, the last time we were together (must be about ten years ago now) we had a night like this together and we talked late. I suppose we were loosened by wine, at that stage when everything appears simple and clear, but we spoke of you and the future. Your father was always worried that you might be left alone, although I don't think he expected it to be as early as it was. He wanted to try to secure something permanent for you; he was aware how he had dragged you from your home and denied you the security a child should have had."

"I'm not sure that I follow you, sir. What do you mean by permanent? He left me with a decent estate. What else could he do?"

"I'm sorry if I sound obscure. We discussed an arrangement between our families. Nothing binding- he knew that it was likely you might meet someone as he did and he would have preferred that you knew love and chose for yourself..."

"An arrangement? Are you talking about marriage?"

"Yes."

"But your daughters are married."

"I have three daughters, Max."

"The baby? You don't mean the little girl, surely."

"Little girls grow up, Maximus! It is ten years since that night. She is now sixteen, almost seventeen!"

"But you called her the baby!"

"To a father, his daughter is always a baby. One day you may understand that. I have been hanging on to her as long as I could but she is ready for marriage. I have found it hard to give her away but, as soon as I heard of your return... there is no one else I would rather entrust her to than you. Maximus- it's time you married and if there is no one else- she is a beautiful girl, you would not be disappointed in her."

Corellius observed the stunned look on the other man's face; he had expected surprise but this was something else- there seemed a look of horror, even fear.

"Have I said something wrong, Maximus? I don't understand. It was just an idea."

"I... I cannot marry your daughter. It would not be appropriate."

"Appropriate? What do you mean? How could it not be?"

"I would not wish to harm your daughter, sir."

"Harm? She can't stay intact all her life."

"Sir, I don't know how to put this, but my tastes are ...I've been a soldier too long. I am used to baser things."

Corellius frowned and then believed he understood. "You prefer men? I would not have thought it of you but I suppose it is a consequence of all your years in a male world. But Maximus, you need children. Marry my daughter, do your duty and she will give you sons- once that is accomplished, you can indulge your tastes in private."

"No, Sir, I do not use men. But I do not wish to marry either."

There was a finality in the way he spoke, a sudden authority that seemed to brook no opposition. Corellius caught a glimpse of the leader of men Maximus had become. The older man nodded. "Think on it, Maximus, and if you change your mind..."

Somehow the whole tenor of the evening had been lost and they could not find their way back to their earlier camaraderie. Bidding goodnight and refusing the offer to stay, Maximus made his way through the atrium to await the slave who had been sent to fetch his horse. Although dark, it was still not late as he stepped out of the great double doors. Sitting on a chair on the veranda by the door was a young woman, her legs crossed, playing with a small kitten in her lap.

The girl started when she heard the step and she turned to see who had left the house. Maximus also reacted with surprise.

"Hello," the girl said shyly, " You must be Maximus Meridius. My mother told me you were a dinner guest. I am Serena."

"Serena?" He smiled. "The baby?"

Serena giggled. "Father always calls me his baby. It is so embarrassing."

"Well, to him you will always be a baby, I suppose. You are the youngest."

"My sisters were all married when they were my age! Still I'm in no hurry. I never really understand why girls want to rush into that." Then she suddenly blushed realising how inappropriate her comment had been to a young man who was practically a stranger. But that was Serena. She always blurted things out without thinking.

"My feelings exactly, Serena!" Maximus replied. They laughed. At that moment his horse, Fulmen, was led round and he bowed to her to take his leave. As he rode away he had an urge to turn round and take another look at her but he resisted it. He already knew what she looked like. Beautiful.

The young woman watched the man ride off. She would have liked to have had a better look at him but the light was fading and he had been standing in shadow. But she had noticed his eyes, so light against his dark hair. And his voice: so deep and low, almost a rumble, like distant thunder on a hot summer night. The notion amused her and she felt suddenly languid as if a wave of torpor was flooding over her. 'I wonder why he made me feel like that?' she thought.

VI

The next morning Maximus rose early, gathered together a few supplies and headed for the hills. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. As the sun came down later that day, many miles from Truillo by then, he thought clearly about the events of the past months. It was the first time he had allowed himself to open that door which was continually spilling its secrets only in his nightmares. Scene by scene, he replayed the story of how he had fallen in love with the emperor's beautiful daughter, Annia Lucilla.

In his mind's eye, he remembered every part of her perfect body and recalled each act of love they had shared. Finally he faced the horror of discovery and shame, finished off by the cruelty of her mocking dismissal of all he had thought he meant to her. What had happened then? Something had snapped inside his mind.

Maximus knew he had a capacity for violence; had always striven to keep it under control and make it his slave- not the other way round. For a warrior a capacity to kill was necessary, he knew that, but he also knew that somewhere deep within him there was an enjoyment of the brutality he was capable of. Some men killed because it was their duty; some to save their own lives or those of their families; but he was different. He had been born with an animal instinct that drove him on; in battle, with the scent of blood in his nostrils, he knew he was some kind of beast, a force of nature who craved the release that violent death brought to him.

That feeling of cold steel through flesh and sinew; the crack of broken bones and the gush of mortal blood were akin to a life force flowing through him; his strength grew in proportion to the lives he took. How had he contained this dreadful passion? By his will alone.  By forcing himself only to allow the beast to be unleashed when it was right and he could do his duty for Rome. Once battle was won, he thrust it down into some secret chamber and became a different man; controlled, compassionate and just. He took no part in orgies of rape or retribution on the weak survivors nor would he allow his men to indulge in the same.

Since Lucilla's betrayal, however, all his defences had been stripped away and he had become that beast. Was it too late to restrain it? Had it become too strong? The emperor had ordered him to marry. Corellius had offered him a bride. Serena had charmed him with a mere few words. What could be more suitable? Maximus lay on the ground and stared at the stars hoping for an answer to his turmoil. If he took this innocent girl; daughter to a man he held dear- would he be able to treat her as he should or would he brutalise her? Did he dare take that chance?

Rage welled up inside him: at his father and mother for dying and leaving him alone, at Lucilla for destroying his self-control and at the gods for giving him gifts that were tinged with such poison. He pulled his sword from its scabbard on the pommel of his horse and hacked a tree with it, bellowing with anger until he fell to his knees sobbing and at last tears came and he wept until he was exhausted.

In the disturbed sleep that followed, as he lay exposed on the hillside beneath the stars, Maximus dreamt of his father. They were walking through the fields of his home and his father was smiling at him. Below them he could see the farmhouse and a dark haired woman, playing with a tiny boy. Suddenly he knew this was his son. The woman raised her head and smiled. It was Serena.

The next morning, waking cold and stiff, Maximus thought on the night that had just passed. His grief seemed to have abated and he felt a sense of peace. He had asked for an answer and perhaps his father had given him one. He should go back to Corellius and ask for his daughter. It didn't matter that he did not love her- perhaps that was an advantage. But he would not ill-treat her or cause her harm. It would be enough to give her a child and then he would return to the front. What happened after was in the hands of the gods.  At least his line could continue for posterity.

A few days later, Maximus rode again to the Villa Corellia.  His appearance was much changed.  Hair neatly cut, beard elegantly trimmed, clad in a fine tunic and cloak, he was as different from his earlier incarnation, as night is different from day. Dismounting and asking an audience with Corellius Serenus, observing a more formal mode of address than was necessary between friends, Maximus knelt down and asked for the hand of Corellia Serena. Her father cried.

Later on, composed although flushed with wine, Corellius left Maximus in his tablinum and hurried to share the news with his wife. Tertullia had remarked the arrival of her dead friend's son and had spent the time in prayer to the goddess Juno that this might be the intention of his visit. She could hardly believe their good fortune. Counselling her husband to calm down and keep the young man company, Tertullia ran to the upper rooms where Serena was sewing with her maids. This was the first her daughter was to hear of the plans. They had not told her for fear that her hopes would be raised and then dashed.

"Serena, my dear girl, dismiss your girls. I need to talk to you."

Serena followed her mother's instructions, bemused at the reason for this sudden interruption. "What is it, mother?" she smiled.

"We have a visitor. He came to dinner last week. Maximus Meridius."

"Yes, I spoke to him that night at the door. He seemed a nice man."

"Serena, he came today and asked your father for permission."

"Permission? For what?"

Her mother burst out laughing, her excitement hard to control. "To marry you, you little goose! What else would a young man want from your father but the last of his beautiful daughters!"

Her mother swung her round in her arms but failed to see the lack of enthusiasm on her daughter's face.

"Mother. I don't even know him! Surely father hasn't said yes without consulting me?"

"What? But this is the best marriage you could make. Any girl would want a man like Maximus. He is handsome, brave and a fine officer- a cavalry legate already at 25! Add to that he is the son of our oldest friends and neighbours- it is a marriage made by the gods!"

"I don't know him, mother. I may not want to marry him. You should have warned me. You should give me a choice. My sisters had a choice."

"You will change your mind when you meet him. Why, you have just said that he seemed a nice man when you exchanged a few words at the door. Come meet him. Then tell me he is not the man for you! No, no, not in that old dress- and your hair! Call your girls- we will ready you for him."

Serena meekly acceded to the ministrations of the slave girls but inside she was seething. She had longed for love but here she was, like so many of her friends, submitting to the ritual of sacrifice - her body to be given to a stranger. Nice or not, he was not asking for her hand because he loved her but because it was a judicious step in his cursus honorum. Men ought to be married by twenty-five. Three children by his mid- thirties lowered the age qualification for high office by a substantial number of years. Well, at least I know what he will get from this arrangement. But what of my life? Married to an army officer who will honour me with an annual visit- if that-and stay long enough to give me another son and then away. The girl wiped a tear from her eyes at the useless waste of it all.

VII

Tertullia led her daughter into the tablinum to meet her future husband. The maiden was dressed in a soft blue stola and a white veil covered her dark bound hair. As was customary in the presence of her suitor, Serena kept her head lowered. Maximus looked at the girl who was to be his wife and the mother of his children. She was taller than he had imagined she would be, having only seen her seated. Her body was slender, her legs long and graceful but, despite her willowy shape, she was full-breasted and voluptuous, as was often the case with these dark eyed Spanish girls. He was unable to stop himself from smiling at the sight of her innocent beauty.

"This is my daughter, Corellia Serena. Come, daughter, meet your future husband Decimus Maximus Meridius. You may raise your eyes- if you wish to see him, that is!"

Serena slowly raised her head and looked directly at Maximus. He expected a demure, perhaps curious smile. In fact her flashing brown eyes were defiant as she appraised him and then dropped her head with a slight obeisance. Her look puzzled him- if she had been a man he would have read that as a challenge- but she was a simple girl who had never left her father's house. What was he to make of it?

Maximus would have been further bemused had he been able to read the mind of this intelligent girl. Her gaze had shown her that he was handsome- more so than she had expected; tall, broad shouldered, well dressed, noble bearing. Her mother had told the truth. So, she was expected to fall panting into his bed merely because he looked well? 'Let him show me what kind of man he is first' she thought to herself. 'I will give him the chance to woo me and win my affection. But if he merely sees me as a suitable broodmare then I will come to him and do my duty - but he will not break my spirit!'

"I think a walk together would be suitable to give you a chance to get to know each other better. Come, Serena, show Maximus around the property. I will send a slave girl with your cloak."

The room emptied and they were left alone. When the cloak arrived, Maximus wrapped it around her shoulders but did not linger. He thought his touch might frighten her. Serena immediately marked him down for his cursory attention, believing it showed a lack of interest- surely a young man should try to be a little forward with his 'beloved'?

Leading him out through the peristyle garden to the postern gate and on into the farm, they walked in awkward silence. Maximus realised that he ought to say something but his vocabulary for small talk was limited and he couldn't think of what one might say to a girl like this. At last he ventured something.

"Your father's estate is very impressive; much grander than my own." 'Ah,' thought Serena 'so you think you may benefit from my father's wealth? The dowry will be promising but with my four elder siblings, you could be unlucky!' She merely smiled in acknowledgement.

" ... However, my house is very pleasant. Pink stone on the hill. Very pretty."

"I have seen it when we drove past to Augustobriga."

"Indeed. You would go that way from here." Maximus was struggling- what next? He tried a different tack. "But I spend little time there. I am a soldier, Serena. I am based at Carnuntum with the Felix legions. It is on the north-eastern Limes. We are on a semi-permanent war footing. I am a cavalry legate- newly promoted. It is quite a high post for my age. My prospects are good- I may have my own legion one day." He was aware that his words seemed stilted and awkward but it was difficult without a response from her. He remembered how Lucilla had chided him for his reluctance to converse- he was beginning to understand her frustration.

Meanwhile Serena was mulling over his words. 'As I thought- he will marry me and leave as soon as my belly is full. All he cares about is his career.' But she replied politely, 'I am impressed, sir. My brothers, too, are soldiers. They rarely visit their home."

"My leave is annual. I would return when I could. The front is no place for a woman. However, in the future, I may be posted somewhere more hospitable- Monguntiacum or Colonia Agrippensis on the Rhine- or even somewhere in the East, warm and civilised. Then it might be appropriate for you to join me."

Serena nodded and continued to walk ahead of him. She led him to a small river that ran through their property. They were now out of sight of the house and she wondered if he might become more amorous. Sitting down under a tree, she motioned for him to sit by her. Maximus settled down but looked ill at ease and kept his eyes on the river while she observed him. 'He is not interested in me- that is clear. He does not even meet my eyes. I probably seem to be a silly child to him. He doesn't have much about him anyway- no conversation, nothing to say. He's probably never read a book or had an idea of his own. Just another military man, hammered into the usual mould.'

After a while, Serena said that it was time they should return to the villa and he helped her up. She felt his strong hand around her tiny one and for an instant the feeling that she had noticed when she had first seen his eyes passed over her again. He was different- quite unlike a Spaniard. It was not just on account of his blue eyes but also his voice. There was hardly a trace of the local dialect when he spoke, although he was a local boy. Serena had remarked these two features when she had first met him. Now she added a third. He has beautiful eyes, a wonderful voice and strong hands. That will have to do.

Taking his leave of her some time later, Maximus gently took her hand and kissed it. "I will return soon, Serena. Take care," and he smiled at her. As he rode away, Serena added a fourth quality. She quite liked that smile!

On his way home, Maximus breathed a sigh of relief. The first ordeal completed. She was a very reserved girl; he would have to be very gentle with her. He couldn't even bring himself to think about the wedding night. But he remembered that spark of defiance in her eyes and wondered. Perhaps she didn't like him? He laughed at the thought. He couldn't remember any woman ignoring him before. Somehow that notion pleased him. He wasn't interested in lovesick girls or romantic ideas - indifference might suit him very well.

VIII

Corellius did not intend to make the couple wait long. It was already late in the year and Maximus would have to rejoin his legion in the spring. The betrothal took place a mere ten days later and the wedding was planned for the very start of the New Year- an auspicious time for new beginnings.

The betrothed couple saw each other infrequently as was the custom; a few audiences were arranged but always in the presence of the bride's mother and other respectable ladies- courtship was somewhat hampered by their proximity. Maximus found the visits tortuous. Then Serena and her mother went to Emerita to prepare her wedding clothes, staying at the home of her eldest sister. The weeks of winter passed and the day of the wedding grew closer, both bride and groom increasingly apprehensive.

On the eve of the marriage day, Serena was dressed in her orange stola trimmed in red and her hair was loosened. Her sisters and her mother attended her and then led her down to the atrium where she dedicated her bulla and a few of her childhood toys to the household gods, placing them on the lararium. This simple ritual complete, her childhood was deemed over and the women led her back to her chamber to prepare her for her last night alone. Now she was on the brink of womanhood, it was traditional that she be instructed as to what she might expect in the marriage bed.

"Serena, your husband is a good man and he will not willingly hurt you. But men have needs and women do not always enjoy what is required of them. Be demure but you will have to remove your garments, as he will also do. Close your eyes if you are frightened. Lie still and do as you are told. It will not last long." Her mother's words only served to confuse Serena even more. What exactly was he going to do to her?

Her mother withdrew but her sisters lingered on. "Right, she's gone. Serena- it's not as bad as that," said Cora, her eldest sister. "It always hurts the first time and there will be blood but after that it can be a lot of fun! Depends how skilful he is."

"And how well endowed!" laughed Tullia her second sister.

"What do you mean?" asked Serena shyly.

"Do you know what happens?" Serena shook her head. The sisters giggled.

"Have you seen a statue of a naked man?" Serena nodded. "That thing between their legs?" Serena blushed and nodded again. "Well, in real life they're much bigger (if you are lucky, that is!) and when a man is with a woman, it grows hard- you know, like a satyr in a painting...." Serena gasped and pulled a face.     "Then they take it and put it in you."

"What? Where?" This was worse than anything Serena had imagined.

"Down there. Beneath your hair." Tullia indicated with her hand.

"Is that it? He puts it in and takes it out?"

"Well, there's a lot on pushing and groaning but eventually some liquid will come from him and that's how babies are made." Cora knew it hadn't been a very sensitive description but it was essentially true.

"I think I preferred mother's version." Serena confided. "I can't believe all that. I will be sick. He hardly speaks to me as it is. I don't know how he will even get round to it. He can hardly come up to me and say 'madam, may I just put this in there'- if he did, it would be the longest sentence he's ever said!"

'Believe me, honey, they suddenly get over their nerves when they get you alone. But mother's right. He's from a good family and he'll be experienced- he's been in the army for years. He'll manage very well and you may even come to enjoy it- I know I do!" Tullia added and the two older sisters grinned at each other.

On the eve of his wedding, it was customary for the bridegroom to spend the night carousing with his friends and much ribaldry was the order of events. Maximus had no such companions to pass his last hours as a bachelor. But he had decided what he would do. For some time he had felt a need to put things right, to atone for his previous behaviour. First he spent some time with Cardo, sharing a cup or two of fine wine and he apologised for his unseemly behaviour on the night of his return.

"I can offer no explanation that would adequately justify my words. My mind was disturbed and I am ashamed that I spoke to you that way. It was unforgivable and I will never bring such conduct into this house again. Please forgive me." It was a humble speech and Cardo knew what it would have cost the proud young man to lower himself this way. He accepted willingly.

Next, Maximus went to the slave quarters and asked to speak to Marilla. She came out tentatively.

"Marilla, would you come to my room tonight? I do not want to hurt you but I wish to make amends. My behaviour that night was shameful and I humiliated you. Tonight I want to show you that I can be a different man and honour you with my body. If you do not wish to come, I will understand."

The slave girl was intrigued at what he could mean. She returned to her tiny room and gave it some thought. Her good sense told her to ignore him - he had given her the choice- but something in his eyes made her want to be with him again. Feeding her little boy, she left him with another family and made the journey to the master's room once more.

When she knocked, Maximus opened the door with a smile and led her into his room. There was food and wine laid out upon a table and he motioned for her to join him. They ate and he asked her about her son and his father; he seemed interested. Then he revealed that he had remembered who she was - the little slave girl who had followed him about. And finally he told her a little of why he had acted towards her as he had. His anguish was now abated and he needed to apologise before he took a wife and began a new chapter of his life.

"You do not need to apologise to me. I am merely a slave. It was your right."

"My right within the law- yes. But not my right as an honourable man. There is no virtue in the cruel treatment of the innocent." He knelt down before her and bowed his head. "Forgive me, Marilla."

Marilla was shocked and overcome by this act of humility from such a man. She could not speak but simply leaned forward and raised his head in her hands, kissing him on the lips.

"May I love you tonight, Marilla, as you deserve to be loved?" She nodded. 

Taking her by her hands, he pulled her to her feet and loosened her tunic, letting it fall at his feet. Unwrapping her binding slowly, he freed her from it and turned his attention to her under covering. Once she was naked, he knelt before her once more and began to kiss her body, starting with her neck, her armpits, the hollow between her breasts, her brown heavy nipples already leaking milk and then on down, along her belly, feathery kisses and gentle licks to her navel and below. Marilla had never known such tenderness.

Carrying her in his arms, he sat her on the edge of his bed and knelt before her. Gently, parting her legs, he looked upon her naked sex and she blushed for shame.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is a thing of beauty, all parts of it are beautiful," he whispered. Lowering his head he blew lightly on her, ruffling her hair and tickling her intimate skin. She murmured and felt her desire increase. As she looked upon him, she realised with shock was he was about to do- he was going to kiss her secret lips. Marilla had not known that men would do such a thing and then she remembered how he had tried to make her take his manhood in his mouth. Suddenly she felt his tongue tasting her, long lazy licks along her slit, then lapping at the wet juice flowing from her. It was the most erotic experience she had ever known and her body loosened and opened to his attentions.

All at once, amidst her rising passion, she felt his tongue touch a certain spot, just below her mound and a fire ran through her, so intense that it was akin to pain. Marilla's back arched against it and she fought him but he held her firm and continued running his tongue around this hidden miracle. Fierce waves of emotion washed through her as she writhed and moaned, running her hands through his hair, almost out of her mind. Just as she believed she would die if he continued to do this, she felt him insert a finger inside her and then another. The memory of his large fingers sent a further surge of lust through her and as he gently thrust them in and out and lapped her nub, she finally came to orgasm in a wild abandon, calling his name.

Moments passed before her eyes cleared and she knew where she was and what had happened. Maximus was lying by her side, holding her close and stroking back her hair, murmuring sweet words in to her ear.

"What did you do to me?" Marilla asked.

"I loved you." 

Marilla turned on to her side and looked at him. "Now I must love you too."

He shook his head. "Tonight was about your pleasure, not mine. I took that once before and I will not impose on you again."

"But I want you to. I want to feel you again inside me. I want you to complete this act of love. Please," Marilla stared into his eyes, no longer ashamed of anything with him.

"I am at your command." He rose from the bed and stood before her, divesting himself of his tunic. As his hand went to his subligar, Marilla stayed it. She placed her own hands there and removed the garment, staring in wonder at the size and strength of his sex. Her mind made up, she kissed him gently on the moist tip and opened her mouth to taste him. His gasp of pleasure encouraged her and she took him in until she could fit no more. Running her hand up his inner thigh, she held his sack and gently cupped it, rolling him within her hand, knowing from his response that this was what he wanted.

"Marilla. I must lie down. This is too good... I cannot stay upright," he gasped.

Marilla giggled despite her mouth being full but she pulled away to allow him to fall beside her.

"Why are you laughing?" 

"You have managed to stay upright!" she said, stroking his manhood and returning to her task. Maximus laughed, too, and closed his eyes to savour the exquisite sensation.

Realising that to remain like this, he might find himself unable to obey her command and fill her up, he gently eased her from him and pulled her to him. As she lay on him, he kissed her deeply and then rolled her on her back, parting her legs with his knee and tending to her heavy breasts, sticky with milk. Slowly he lowered himself upon her, inching little by little into her dark wetness, both of them groaning at the feel of each other. Deep within her now, her legs instinctively this time wrapping round his waist, he moved in a slow, lazy rhythm; Marilla copied his motion and rose to meet him with each thrust.

They built each other up, gaining momentum and whispering wildly in their passion until in one burst, she felt him come inside her and her own orgasm flooded its own juices to mingle with his. She felt as she had never felt before nor would she ever again but she knew the memory of that moment would stay with her until she died.

"Maximus- tomorrow you will marry. Does that mean that this will never happen again?"

"Never, Marilla. I will not dishonour my wife in her own house."

"Then this will have to do. One thing I ask. May I sleep beside you for the rest of this night?"

"Of course you may. I, too, do not wish to pass this night alone, Marilla. Let us rest."

Curled up in her master's arms, Marilla slept soundly, safer than she had ever been all her life. When dawn broke, Maximus awoke and gently roused her.

"Soon they will come to prepare the room for my bride. You must not be here."

He kissed her and helped her dress and led her to the door.

"I will never forget you, Maximus."

"Nor I you, my lady."

IX

The bridegroom arrived at the villa with his attendants and the wedding rituals began. The traditional pledges were taken hands enjoyed and the sacred cake split and shared.

"Ubi Gaius sum, Gaia es," and once those sacred words were spoken, the old pronuba took them by the hand and led them to the banquet. The young couple said little to each other but sat gravely to receive the congratulations and bawdy comments that were customary. Cora and Tullia caught their younger sister's eye and grinned, their eyes rolling round and making gestures. It was clear that they approved of her husband- but Serena was far too anxious to respond to their attempts to amuse her. Once or twice, she sneaked a glance from under her veil at her husband, even meeting his eyes on one occasion but he seemed as ill-at-ease as she was.

Festivities over, her mother motioned that it was time for the couple to depart. The procession formed and waited for the high spot of the day- the mock rape. To commemorate the age old carrying off of women from their Sabine neighbours in the early days when Rome had been a military camp of Latin warriors, it fell to the bridegroom to lay hands on his bride and roughly seize her from her family to carry her away to her new home. The mother and other wedding guests would try to stop this, in a half-hearted way, encouraged by the ribald remarks and amusement of the party at large.

Urged on by the eager audience, Maximus steeled himself and picked up Serena, throwing her over his shoulder and making his way to his horse, running a gauntlet of hands and well wishers. Once outside, he hoisted her into the saddle and leapt up behind her, eager to gallop off and leave the milling crowd behind. Serena had stiffened when he had picked her up, and, although she was hardly any weight at all, she had felt like a dead body, so rigid had she held herself. On the horse, he instinctively wrapped one arm about her, but felt her gasp and tense at his touch. Followed by the family members who were to attend her and his own company, Maximus moved forward, aware of the tears of Corellius and Tertullia as he took their last child from them.

The ride was a silent one and he went faster than he should have done, leaving the rest of the party behind. At the house he sprang down and carried Serena inside, pausing at the door to smile at her and say, "Welcome to your home." Placing her down in a chair, he left her with some slave girls and excused himself, aware that she would need time with her sisters and maids before he could come to her. Maximus went to his tablinum and sat with a jug of wine until he received word that she was ready.

Serena's sisters burst in giggling "Well, he's certainly eager to get you home! We couldn't keep up!" They were shown up to the bridal chamber now decked out with winter greenery and flowers, carpets on the floor and fine silks and cushions on the bed. Serena stood in the middle of this unfamiliar room and allowed her sisters to remove her wedding garments, leaving her only in a fine linen shift. Cora indicated that she should remove her undergarments and she did so shyly, from beneath her shift. Then slave girls raised the hem of the shift until it was above her waist and Tullia tied the customary Hippolytean girdle round her waist and between her legs; all of the girls adding knots to try to thwart the lover in his attempts to enter his bride. All this activity was conducted with much merriment from which Serena was noticeably absent. She was trying to calm herself for the ordeal to come.

"Climb into bed and sit beneath the covers." Cora dismissed the slaves and the two elder sisters sat at either side and held Serena's hand. "Don't be afraid. He is quite a specimen this husband of yours! There was not a woman at the wedding who would not be happy to be in your place now. He will be everything a man should be - so enjoy him! Lucky girl!" She kissed her and moved away.

"I will send him up now. It won't be long. I wish you happiness and children!" Tullia also kissed her and they left.

For what seemed a long time, Serena lay in the darkened room with only a single candle burning. She listened to the sounds of laughter from below. Suddenly she heard a step on the stairs and she froze. Nearer and nearer it came and the door opened. Although the corridor outside was lit, little light was shed into the room because Maximus filled the doorway. A shiver of fear ran through Serena at the thought of his size and bulk beside her.

He closed the door and moved softly through the room. Then he called her name. 

"Serena" His voice was low and husky and she detected a note of uncertainty in it.

"I am here, my lord."

Maximus sat down upon the bed and took her hand. He felt it tremble in his grasp.

"I've been thinking, Serena. We hardly know each other. This is a very big step for you to make and it is too soon. It is better if we move slowly and learn about each other first. Tonight, we will sleep together and you can feel what it is like to lie with a man. But nothing else is necessary until you are ready. I can wait."

His words came as a shock to Serena; how could he not take his rightful possession of her? It was obligatory. "But ... my mother will expect. The sheet. Tomorrow it must be hung up when they arrive for the celebration..."

The barbaric ritual of the marriage bed had slipped his mind. "Wait." Maximus went over to his military chest and opened it, pulling out a dagger. Returning to the bed, he pulled back the blanket, noting that Serena jumped back onto the pillow in fear. "No, I will not touch you." Opening his left hand, he slit the palm deeply with the knife and clenched his fist, squeezing drops of blood out onto the under-sheet.

Serena gasped. "You have hurt yourself!"

"A little pain. Less than you would feel if I were to force you tonight! Your mother will be satisfied. Something else.Take the knife. Cut the girdle- if it is still in place tomorrow, we will be found out. Tell your sisters I was in such a hurry that I cut it- they will be satisfied. I will turn around while you do it."

Obeying his instructions, the young bride severed and removed the girdle, rolled down her shift and handed him the knife. Maximus smiled at her. "And now it has been a long day; let's sleep!" he blew out the candle and removed his tunic, slipping in beside her. For a while they lay side by side, each lost within their own thoughts and then he turned to her. "I will always protect you, Serena. I will never let harm come to you. It is my desire to be a dutiful husband." And he kissed her gently on the mouth and rolled away.

Serena lay listening until she heard his breathing regulate and she knew he was asleep. She was confused and wakeful. His kindness was apparent - he had cut himself to spare her pain but why? He must have little desire for her if he could wait. Was she so unattractive? Although she had been afraid, what was the point in waiting?  He must do it eventually- it might as well have been now. There was something else bothering Serena; something she had felt when he had first taken her hand, and again when he had kissed her mouth. A feeling that she couldn't quite explain but it had been warm and loosening; her body had tingled in a most unusual way. Turning on to her side, she studied her sleeping husband illuminated by a shaft of moonlight. His arms were thrown above his head and his face turned to one side. His face was strong and handsome and she remarked how long his eyelashes were as they flickered in his dreams. She had never noticed before how shapely his lips were nor the slight raised imperfection at the bridge of his nose. Serena found her hand reached forward to touch his face but then pulled back, scared to disturb him.

The sheet was pulled down to his chest and she turned her attention to what she could see of his body. His body hair was golden brown unlike most Spanish men who were usually dark and swarthy with hair thick and covering their front and back like an animal. Maximus was not like that. Serena drank in the powerful muscles of his arms and upper body, sculpted and hardened as if made of bronze- she wondered how it would feel to be pressed against him, her slender softness in his strong hardness. The weak sensation washed over her again and that strong urge to touch him but she didn't dare.

Disappointment flooded over the young bride when she recalled his words. He wants to be a dutiful husband and protect me as is right and honourable. But how I wish he would have said that he wished to be a loving husband and that he desired to protect me because he cared!' Too late, Serena realised that she was falling in love with this good man who felt nothing for her but dutiful respect.

X

When Serena opened her eyes in the unfamiliar bedchamber, she found herself alone. Her husband had already risen and she rushed to the window of the room. He was out in the paddock, exercising a recently broken horse. Watching him, Serena felt that pang of regret that she had experienced last night; he could not wait to leave her side in the light of day!

Maximus worked the horse hard until he himself was drenched in sweat just as the horse itself. It helped to cool his frustration. Waking next to Serena, he had found himself lying on his side resting against her body and his morning arousal had pressed against her thigh. The girl had been asleep and he had backed away, embarrassed that she might find him in this way and be startled. But he was already finding it difficult to control his lust next to his beautiful innocent wife and had decided to rise quickly and leave before she awoke.

There was much activity around the villa that morning as it prepared for the final celebration of the three day wedding ritual; the consummation banquet. Maximus kept himself scarce and let them all get on with. Once he was finished in the stables, he went to the bathhouse and lingered there some time until he knew the guests would soon arrive. He dressed in the apodyterium, aware that Serena would be in their room being prepared by her maids.

Soon the family arrived in a lively procession and he came forth to greet them standing by Serena on the threshold of the house. The telltale sheet was strung up by the door, and Maximus glanced down at his hand, hoping no one would inquire about the gash on his palm. Serena seemed quiet and thoughtful and he gave her little hand a squeeze. "Good morning, mistress," he said with a smile and she responded likewise. They stepped out hand in hand to meet the family.

Tertullia smiled broadly when she viewed the sheet and the elder sisters snorted and made eyes at Serena who blushed and looked down. She noticed her husband was also looking at his feet as if embarrassed, too; of course, everyone would take that for a further sign of a successful consummation, not the shame that they had failed to complete the act.

The meal passed off pleasantly and the couple began to relax. They had managed to pass the test and the family were satisfied; they could all enjoy each other's company now. After the meal, the women withdrew and left the men to drink and gamble. They went to lie down upstairs and rest. Tertullia quietly questioned her daughter to check she was all right. "Was he gentle with you? Was there pain?" Serena could honestly reply in the affirmative - he could not have been more gentle and he did suffer pain for her!

Once mother had dozed off the barrage of questions came from her elder sisters. 'Was his manhood big? Did he take his time? Had he whispered sweet things in her ear? Had he brought her to pleasure?' Serena merely acted shy and told her sisters she could not speak of such things and they accepted her diffidence. But her face burned with shame at the lies she had to tell. Here she was still a virgin, no more than one chaste kiss upon her lips when she should have been a woman by now.

It was with mixed emotion that Serena took her leave of her family that night. She was relieved not to have to play the game anymore but uneasy at the thought of the night to come. How would he behave towards her this time? As soon as they had gone, Maximus suggested that she might like to walk with him in the moonlight to the stables. He wished to check upon the horse of this morning. They strolled together and he told her a little of the horse - he had hoped she would like her as a gift and would be pleased to teach her to ride when the horse was more trustworthy. Serena had already told him that she did not ride well.

At the stable he introduced her to the young horse and she noted again his gentleness with the animal; the same tender concern he had shown her. It was in sharp contrast to his masculinity, an unusual trait not seen much in young men. "Serena? Tonight may I take things a little further?" he seemed a little coy in his question.

"Yes. It would be appropriate," she replied. 

Maximus stood before her and took her face in his hands, stroking it gently. Then he lowered his head and kissed her softly until she began to respond and pressed his lips more earnestly, his tongue teasing her teeth. When he pulled away he looked at her, his head on one side. "It was good?" "Good!" Serena replied with a shy grin. They walked back to the house, this time with his arm protectively around her. 'Yes, that feels very good!' she thought.

Later in their room, her maids prepared her for bed and quietly withdrew. Maximus joined her soon after. This time he blew the candle out straight away before sitting by her on the bed. Again her took her hands in his.

"Don't be afraid. I will not hurt you more than I can help. How much knowledge do you have of what must happen?"

"A little. But I don't really understand..."

"Hush. It is not very difficult. Our bodies were made for this- they usually know what to do. Lie back, relax."

"Must I remove my clothes?"

"Not unless you wish to. I will undress but you can close your eyes if it displeases you."

Maximus undressed down to his subligar but she did not turn from him. He noticed in the dim moonlight that her eyes widened a little when she looked upon his naked torso and he observed the way she pulled her knees up to her chin and held the sheet up to her face. Crossing to the other side of the bed, he lay down beneath the sheet beside her and wondered how he was to proceed. First, he turned on his side and gently stroked her face and played with the hair now long and unbound. Then he leaned towards her and placed a soft kiss upon her lips, teasing her bottom lip with his in an attempt to gauge her response. Serena let out a slight sigh and thus emboldened he persisted with a little more pressure, all the while fondling her hair and cheeks with his hand.

When he felt her lips' tentative reply to his, he moved his hand down to her neck and then her breast, softly, lightly smoothing his hand across the firm swell of her bosom and brushing her nipples. They hardened beneath his hand. "Serena! How do you feel now? Are you more relaxed?" She nodded. "I cannot see your face- was that a nod?"

"Yes. It feels...strange but pleasant... please continue."

Lowering his head, he kissed her breasts through the cloth and sucked her nipples, feathering them with his tongue and her back arched a little to push herself towards him. Continuing his lingual ministrations, he dropped his hand to the hem of the shift and began to hitch it up her legs, running his fingers along the outside of her thigh towards her hip. For the first time she stiffened and whimpered a little so he moved his hand above the cloth again. Time passed and he tried again, this time finding her belly and massaging her navel and edging his hand towards her downy hair. Again she tensed but he decided to persist, sure that she must be moist by now and might relax if he could touch her intimately and it pleased her. As his hand slid lower, Serena reached out instinctively to stop him but her hand alighted on his subligar and she accidentally touched his erect penis, which was straining at the cloth. This hard object made her cry out and she pulled away from him in fear.

"I cannot, Maximus. I am scared of it." 

Maximus touched her face. "Scared of what? I will not do anything you don't want, Serena. What are you scared of?"

"Of that thing. It will hurt me."

Maximus smiled at her. "Do you want to see it? Decide for yourself how dangerous it is. I thought to keep you in the dark and hidden but perhaps that merely increases your apprehension. It is only flesh and skin, nothing more!" He rose, struck a sulpheratum, relit the candle and placed it upon the table by the bed. Then he stood before her and removed the cloth covering him. Serena's eyes widened even more and her hands went to her face. Maximus winced- that may have been the wrong thing entirely. Suddenly she lowered her hands and said. "May I touch it?"

"Of course, you may." And she extended a hand and patted his manhood as if it were a little pet. It made him chuckle. "Why are you laughing?"

"It feels good and no one has ever done that to it before. Patted it, I mean!"

"Have you known many women? Perhaps I should not ask."

"Enough to know that you do not need to fear me."

Maximus lay down beside her on the bed and pulled her to him. This time she did not resist although he felt her heart fluttering and her body tremble. Kissing her again, he dropped his hand to her groin and touched her through the soft linen until he felt a wetness through the material. Pushing her shift above her hips, he ran his fingers between her thighs and parted them slightly until he could gain entrance to her silken sex. Serena's breath came in short pants and she clung to his shoulders, burying her face against him, scared to watch what he was doing.

All at once she felt something push inside her; her body tensed around the probing object. "Is that..."

He laughed "No, just my finger. You are not ready yet for my cock."

Serena had heard the word used once or twice before by men who had not realised that she was in earshot. She had known it was a crude word but had not understood its meaning until then. Maximus realised the moment that he had said it that it was a mistake. How could he have used a term like that with his young wife? He suddenly remembered a night with Lucilla at Lake Balatona when she had made him tell her all the crude words that he could think of and what they meant. She had loved to use them when they made love and the sound of them on her patrician lips had always driven him wild. But Serena was not Lucilla and he could tell he had offended her.

Maximus removed his hands and rolled away. "I apologise, madam, I should not have used that word. It is an obscenity."

"I didn't know what it meant. It doesn't matter. It is what men call it. I must get used to these things."

But the moment had been lost and he threw himself upon his back, cursing himself for his thoughtlessness.

Serena curled up at his side and thought of what had happened. She was stunned by his sudden withdrawal and also somewhat disappointed. Although she had been afraid, his touch had awoken her and she had been ready for more but suddenly he had stopped. Did he not find her attractive? Had she insulted him when she touched him? How had her reaction to the word disturbed him? It was only a word, Serena thought.  Maximus was kind but he did not seem to be the lover she had expected, he was so easily put off.

Meanwhile, Maximus was struggling to overcome his own arousal. He had felt her respond and then pushed her too fast. It had frightened her to see him naked, he should have realised that.  He had used language that befitted a brothel not his bridal bed. But she had touched him and that was a sign. Many women never enjoy the act, he knew that, but they succumb for duty's sake. He would take it slow and one night soon he would complete his task and she would be more accepting of him. But he doubted she would ever come to like it. Try as he might, he could not clear his mind of the thought of Lucilla, a virgin of similar age, and her immediate response and eagerness to learn. His wife was frigid; he would just have to accept that.

XI

The next day, Serena woke up and felt the pains of her monthly bleed. She knew she would have to tell her husband that he could not visit her but she dreaded having to explain it to him; it was so embarrassing to acknowledge such an unclean thing to a man.

But it would be worse if he arrived in her bed and discovered for himself. Steeling herself, she went into the tablinum in the mid morning; Maximus was looking over the accounts with Cardo. The two men seemed surprised to be disturbed in the study and Serena felt childish for having entered that male preserve; her own father had been much more tolerant of such interruptions.

"My lady?" Maximus asked. 

"I wished to discuss something with you. It is of little consequence. We can speak later." Serena turned towards the door.

"No, mistress. We have finished. I will withdraw." Cardo, as ever, was a gentleman. When he had left, Maximus frowned and said, "What is it? What is so important? We have all night to talk." Serena imagined that there was a slight sarcasm in his words; they might as well talk as do anything else- or was she just being oversensitive?

She cleared her throat and blushed, searching her feet for guidance. "Sir, you cannot visit me tonight. Nor for the rest of the week. I am...unclean."

He nodded. "Is that all?" She nodded. Was that it? Feeling rather humiliated by his lack of interest, especially as it was obvious that she had been ashamed, she quickly hurried out. She heard her name called as she ran but chose to ignore it.

Maximus watched her go; he tried to call her back when he realised how embarrassed she had been but she hadn't heard. He should have realised when she had spoken. It was nothing to him, a normal part of life, but she would be used to spending those days of the month in seclusion with her maids and her mother- it must have taken a lot for her to discuss it with him. He groaned inwardly; 'I handle her so badly. I just don't have the refinement for a girl like her. I'm only fit for whores or barbarian women- or Lucilla?' He shrugged that thought away and tried to apply himself to some letters of credit that needed attention.

That night, he rode into Augustobriga and did not return for a few days. There was business to attend to but he was in need of some physical pleasure to slake his appetite- and help him restrain himself when he was next called upon to visit his wife. He buried himself in cheap women and wine and for the first time in months enjoyed himself - simple uncomplicated sex with willing girls who were well rewarded for their services both in money and pleasure. It was good to feel a woman writhing beneath him in wanton abandon- and offering him more for free, if he wanted it.

On his return to the villa, Serena seemed even quieter than usual.  At dinner on the first evening, she informed him that her father had invited them to spend a few days with them next week- it was her mother's birthday and he wished to celebrate with his daughter and her new husband. It surprised Maximus that she did not seem as happy as he might imagine to be visiting her parents but he wondered if it was just the mood she was in at this time of the month- he had heard women were notoriously unpredictable at such times, although in truth, he had little experience of it- he had never sought out a woman in that condition although he knew men who were not put off by anything.

Before they made the trip to her parents' home, Serena was determined to make Maximus visit her and consummate their marriage properly. She was not sure she could keep up the pretence for a few days. When her condition allowed her to resume her relationship with her husband, she plucked up the courage to speak to him again. It was after dinner one evening when they were alone in the triclinium together.

"May I speak, my lord?"

Maximus smiled. "Of course. What is it?"

"It must be tonight. I don't wish to wait any longer. Please do not make this more embarrassing for me than it has to be. I think you know of what I speak." Serena's face burned but she would not shirk this duty any more.

"If you wish. I am at your command. I will attend you later." With that there seemed no more to be said and Serena withdrew with a slight bow.

He joined her more than an hour later and she could smell wine on his breath. Maximus was moderate in his drinking habits and she understood he was seeking courage in the jar. 'Was he nervous or did he find his task so unpleasant?' she wondered. He slipped in bedside her and began to make advances towards her as he had the time before. His touch again made her feel weak and she longed for his kiss. When he did bend his head and touch her lips, she opened to his tongue more readily than before and he was surprised and heartened by her response.

More passionately now, he began to explore her willing mouth and begin his gentle stimulation of her breasts. It occurred to him that he had never seen them but the feel of them beneath her soft shift was enough to arouse his ardour. They were large and firm, an abundance unexpected in Serena's slender body. Lowering his head he took one nipple in his mouth and sucked until the cloth was wet; he imagined they would be brown, a few shades darker than the rest of her skin. Her nipple was large and erect in his mouth and he turned his attention to the other, aware that Serena's breathing was becoming more shallow, her back was arching towards him and she had parted her legs of her own accord.

Pulling up her shift and baring her from the waist down, but still beneath the covers, he gently ran his hand down her belly and into her hair. She gasped. He stroked her sex with long light movements and then tested her readiness; she was wet and began to moan quietly and turn her face against his shoulder, biting gently as if instinctively. One finger inserted and she gave no demure- it was time.

Rolling above her and taking his weight on his knees and upper arms, Maximus slowly opened her legs and pulled them round his hips. Her eyes were closed. He freed his straining erection from his subligar and held it against her slit, stroking against her to show her the feel of him. And then he pushed the tip within her, unable to stop himself from grunting at the feel of her tight wetness. Serena's passage closed against him.

"Relax, Serena. It will hurt more if you tense. Close your eyes and think of something else. I will do this as quickly as I can. The pain is momentary and then you will feel pleasure. Hush." And he leant down and kissed her lips as he tensed his buttocks and thrust hard against the virginal membrane, remembering how easily it had broken when he had taken Lucilla for the first time.

Serena cried out but Maximus felt nothing give. The skin was still place. Instinctively, he drew back and thrust again this time with more force and Serena screamed at the pain but her hymen held. He could hear her whimpering beneath him and sweat began to form on his brow. What was the problem? Was she so small that he could not enter? But it was too late to go back. He could not leave this now half finished- if so she would never consent to this again.  Pulling her hips up higher and taking a firmer grip on her thighs, he tried once more, this time banging with such force that he heard the membrane rip and the heavy rush of blood. The sensation made him feel nauseous but he steeled himself and continued in his thrusting until he brought himself to a climax and shed his seed within her.

Withdrawing immediately as if he had been stung, he rolled away but not quick enough to ignore the silent tears that were running down the young girl's face. Serena curled up in a ball and her face in the pillow, pulling down her shift to hide her shame.

"I'm sorry, Serena. I did not expect that. It has never been like that before. You were so ..." Maximus gave up, his words would only embarrass her further.

"Before? How many other girls have you deflowered?" Serena accused him.

Maximus threw the bedcovers back and found his tunic.

"Where are you going? You cannot just walk away."

"You need to rest. I will speak to you tomorrow." He left the room.

Serena lay for a while, trying to calm herself. It had hurt so badly- so much more than she had ever imagined. But it was done. It would not hurt again. She pulled back the covers and looked at herself in the candlelight. Her thighs were wet with blood and the thick, sticky substance that he had given her. It stained the bed sheets and her shift. The young woman touched the whitish fluid and raised it to her lips. It tasted sour and warm but not unpleasant. It was his seed; from it her children would grow. The wonder of it almost took her breath away.

Rising and taking a cloth to wipe her legs, she returned to the bed and lay upon his pillow. It was still warm and she could smell a slight fragrance that she recognised as his- it was the spiced oil he used to bathe. Holding the pillow in her arms- imagining it was his body- she lulled herself to sleep. 'Oh, Maximus! Why don't you love me?" she pleaded to the bolster. She shouldn't have asked him about other women; he was a private man and would not wish to discuss that with her. But she had been curious to know what happened to other women. That was so typical of her. She always opened her mouth and blurted something out without thinking- and now she had really offended him.

In his own room, Maximus drank deeply of a cup of undiluted wine. The awful events of the evening were on his mind. It had not been his fault but it had been a terrible thing to do to her. She would be terrified of his touch from now on. He banged his head against the cold stone of his wall and tried to shake the memory of that tearing sound and the gush of blood. It had been like driving a knife into a body.

At breakfast, he was quiet, merely asking if she had slept well. Then he left to attend to matters around the farm and did not reappear until the evening. They dined mostly in silence, making occasional small talk about the estate but it seemed to Serena that the more intimate their physical contact became, the more distant their relationship was. However, her husband seemed to have come to some decision and from that night, he visited her before retiring and conducted a brief and furtive act of love then left her. It did not hurt but it did not move her. She ached to feel the languor that his early touch had suggested but he no longer sought to arouse that in her. It was clear- he wanted her to bear his child and little else. Serena prayed that this month she would show the sign of motherhood.

On arrival at the Villa Corellia,  a week later, the usual welcome was observed and then Serena disappeared into the women's quarters with her mother and sisters. Maximus joined the men in the tablinum where they began some serious drinking; Maximus met his brothers-in-law properly for the first time- there had been only an introduction at the wedding. When Corellius and Cora's husband, Veranus, got into a heated discussion of some local administrative issue and how it impinged on their fiscal situation, Tullia's husband, Lepidus motioned to Maximus to join him by the door to the garden.

"What were you doing in Augustobriga the other week?" The older man laughed with a knowing look on his face.

"Business." Maximus raised his chin and narrowed his eyes.

"Business? Looked like pleasure from where I was standing. If the look on the faces of those two little ladies was anything to go by, that is!"

Maximus took a step away, his expression clearly showing his refusal to involve himself in the discussion.

"Don't be so coy, son. I was there too, up to the same 'business'. But then I didn't get married only a few weeks ago, did I? Serena not giving you enough?"

A quick glance at the other two who were paying no attention and then Maximus hauled Lepidus by the scruff of his neck out of the doors into the garden, slamming him up against the wall, his hand round the other man's throat. The over-fed magistrate was white with shock at the sudden explosion of violence from the quiet young man; he was shocked by the cold steel in his light eyes.

"Never speak to me like that again! Never speak of my wife in that way! Do you understand? Understand?" And he banged Lepidus' head back against the wall each time; Lepidus nodded. Releasing him, Maximus struggled to control his temper and bring his breathing back to normal. Lepidus staggered away and returned to the tablinum, rubbing his neck. The soldier leaned back on the wall and closed his eyes.

Upstairs, the women were naturally discussing their families; the children all playing around their feet until their maids took them for their naps. When things had quietened down, Tertullia beckoned her youngest daughter to her:

"Have you bled this month?" Serena nodded.

"Is he visiting you enough? Make him come every night- he will be gone in a few weeks- you want him to leave you with child, Serena."

"I know. I will try," she replied. The conversation seemed to be at an end and her mother lay down on one of the couches and was soon asleep. Serena joined her sisters who had begun to discuss more intimate matters now that they were alone. It shocked Serena to learn that Tullia had a lover, the young son of a leading magistrate, home from his legion for the winter and she spared her sisters no details of the fun and games they had been sharing.

"Why shouldn't I? He's off to Augustobriga once or twice a week to the whores there- you know, the usual excuse- 'business'. Last time he came back with scratches on his back- some business, eh? I don't care- he can do what he likes as long as he doesn't pick anything up. Leave me Julius - I think I have the better deal!"

Serena moved away to the window, unwilling to listen to more. Maximus had gone to Augustobriga 'on business'- was he visiting whores, too? Suddenly, through the window she saw her husband push Lepidus out of  the tablinum and thrust him up against the wall. The two men appeared to be fighting; no, rather Maximus was attacking Lepidus and her brother-in-law seemed merely terrified. Serena was shocked at her husband's behaviour; it seemed so out of character for the controlled Maximus that she knew. Or did she know him? The longer she lived with him, the less she seemed to understand what was passing through his mind.

XII

That night the birthday dinner was a pleasant family affair but spoilt for Serena by the brooding quiet that she sensed in Maximus. It wasn't his normal reticence- the way he didn't speak unless he had something to say- but something deeper and more dangerous. However, apart from Lepidus, who was even more jocose than usual to cover his obvious discomfort, no one seemed to remark anything untoward. But then the others did not know Maximus as she was beginning to.

When they retired it was awkward. At home he never spent the night with her anymore, merely 'fulfilling his duty' as Serena came to perceive it and then returning to the room he had slept in as a boy. Her room, the one he had used of late, had once been his parents' chamber- no doubt Maximus himself had been conceived in that bed. It was not unusual for a man and woman to sleep separately- in fact it was the norm for patricians and well-born families in Rome-but here in the provinces, where houses were smaller and rooms less available, customs were different. Tonight, however, they would have to stay together.

Serena had retired before her husband and was already in bed, combing out her long black hair, when he came up. He lowered his eyes and sat on the other side of the bed, removing his clothes with his back to her. She gazed up at the vast expanse of muscle and sinew of his naked back and the swell of his powerful arms and shoulders. He seemed like a god to her and she longed for him to turn and sweep her in his strong arms and strip her clothes away to glory in her nakedness- as Tullia had described her young lover treating her. Tullia had spoken of the things they did- with their hands, their mouths, in different positions and all over the room- they had even bathed together once when the bathhouse had been quiet and everyone was napping. In her fantasy, Serena did all these things with her husband but in the reality of the night, he merely blew out the candle and rolled on his side as if to sleep. He would not even touch her in her parents' house.

She wondered if he simply lacked the knowledge of how to please a woman- Tullia and Cora had said that some men were useless in bed. Perhaps he had only limited experience but it seemed unlikely somehow in a man so sure of his body in other ways. And then he had begun by touching her so tenderly at first until something seemed to have frightened him away. How could she remedy his lack of ardour? Was there anything she could learn to help them?

The weeks passed and she was unable to resolve her dilemma. But one thing did occur- or rather failed to occur. By the end of the month of Febris, she was sure that she was with child. Her breasts were sore and her bleeding was days overdue. One morning she woke up and promptly vomited in her chamber pot. Sending a note to her mother, she awaited her arrival. It would not be seemly to tell her husband until she was sure. Her mother arrived the next day with a local midwife; fortunately Maximus was out riding when they entered the villa.

An intrusive examination took place and several embarrassing questions were asked but the old woman finally confirmed her own suspicions. Serena was with child. Her mother was delighted and instructed her daughter that she must desist from all relations with her husband- it might damage the unborn child, especially as he was such a big man. Serena bowed her head to show her acquiescence. They were taking from her the last tiny shred of closeness that she could share with him. Serena insisted that her mother leave before her husband came back; she wanted to tell him alone and her mother smiled at their obvious affection and slipped quietly away to take the good news home.

Serena waited patiently until Maximus returned and had finished bathing. She heard him go into the tablinum and she tapped upon the door. As she pushed it open, he raised his eyes, those startling eyes and she asked if she might enter. He sat her down on a high backed chair and offered her a drink but she declined.

"I have something to tell you. Good news. I am with child. It will be due next winter.

Maximus dropped to one knee before her. Appearing stunned by the news. "You are sure?"

Serena told him of the visit of her mother and the midwife. Fixing his eyes on her and studying her face with an intensity that unnerved her, he suddenly said: "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me." He spoke without his usual reserve; it was almost as if he had spoken his thoughts aloud. His honesty made Serena's heart leap and she longed even more to make a connection with him that was not based on mutual respect and duty.

Standing up and talking her hand, Maximus gently pulled her to her feet and held her against him, pressing her against his chest and stroking her hair. She could feel the solid muscle of his body and the steady thud of his strong heart pounding the blood through his powerful frame, and his physical presence overwhelmed her. Serena closed her eyes and felt herself melt into him, wishing the moment would never end and imagining that he might suddenly declare his love for her as he always did in her fantasies.

"Thank you for becoming my wife, Serena. You have done me a great honour and now you will give me a child- no man could ask for more. I pray that I may always show you the honour you deserve for the great gift that you have given me." He raised her face and kissed her softly but then pulled away. He indicated that she should sit down and he took a seat at the desk.

"I was about to speak to you. I must leave very soon - within the next few days in fact - as soon as I have settled my affairs. The journey will take some time especially at this time of year." All the while he spoke, Serena held her breath, shocked at the imminence of his departure. It was only the very end of February. He had said in the Spring - she had imagined that he had meant another month. He was leaving! As soon as he had fulfilled his duty, now that her womb was bearing fruit, he was free to go. Her mind was in such turmoil that she did not hear what he was saying.

"I will leave Cardo with all the documents; everything is to go to you in trust for my child - your father will act as your tutor should anything befall me. This is your home whatever happens. I will leave letters of credit that you may use if necessary, although there should be enough money for your needs here in the chests. I do not wish for you to want for anything. Serena, I will try to return at the end of the year. The child should be born by then; I would like to raise him up myself in my father's atrium before my family gods. But if it is impossible then I beg you ask your father to act in my place. If it is a son, I wish him to be named Marcus in honour of the emperor..."

Serena broke in, "And if it is a daughter?" it did not appear to have occurred to him that he might not father a son.

"A daughter?" he repeated.

"It doesn't matter, does it? Just Maxima, I suppose," Serena spoke a little bitterly, hoping that she was not carrying a daughter who would have to face the lot in life that she had been given.

"No, that is no name for a little girl!" he smiled and it lit up her heart again. "Lavinia Meridia - in honour of my mother and father who were not spared to see their grandchild." It was a beautiful name and Serena again realised how complex Maximus was - a strange mix of tender and brusque.

"It will be done as you wish, my lord," she whispered and bowed her head, trying to hide the tears that had sprung into her eyes.

A few days later, at dawn one early march morning, Maximus stood on the veranda and took his leave of Serena and his steward. He kissed her hand and bowed, saying, "Take care. I will pray for a safe delivery," and turned to leave. His young wife watched him saddle up and mount. Suddenly she ran to him, unable to keep from crying out his name, aware that it was unseemly behaviour before the slaves.

He leant down as she pulled on the reins to hold him back. "Maximus...I ...will miss you. Please be safe. Do not take risks. I do not want to lose you in the mud of some foreign field!" Maximus placed a hand on her face. "I will be safe. Nothing can harm me as long as you two are here for me to come back to. Goodbye, my love." He eased the reins from her fingers and rode away.

Serena watched until he disappeared, tears streaming down her face. He did care for her in his way and it was more than most women had from their husbands. She would keep his home and child safe for him until his return. Just before he left her vision, she thought that he was about to turn round' he reined in his horse, but did not look back. Instead he glanced to his left and made a gesture, difficult to see from this distance and then rode on. Perhaps he was praying to some boundary god to protect his family, she thought.

The young save woman sat and waited by the gates to the property. She did not wish to observe her master say farewell to his new wife; she had tried to avoid the main house whenever possible, for the sight of them together pained her. But she was determined to say her own farewell. When he rode into view, she rose from the ground, holding her son to her, and made her own prayer to the gods to keep this man safe from harm and guide him through the many trials he must face before he could come home again.

Maximus saw Marilla as he neared the gate. She was standing like a statue with her son in her arms but, as he passed them by, she raised her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss to him with a smile. He stopped, returned the smile and held his right hand to his heart, then turned and followed the road north. The woman closed her eyes and blinked back her tears. Her hand instinctively went to her belly and she stroked her unborn child while its father disappeared from view.