Chapter 1

Every single person I ever knew when I was an active agent for the federal government had their 'go-to' trick of the trade. All the tricks you learn are the things that keep you alive. So, you really needed to be quite good at them. But there was always one... a special one that you just relied on with an instinct that was almost scary in how it reflected your personality.

When I'd first met Dino, I knew right away what his trick was. It was the way he never stopped fighting. Dino would go down plotting and fighting his way out of a situation. Never, ever get Dino's back up against a wall, because that was when he was his most dangerous.

It had taken me a little longer to figure out Terry's go-to trick. It was all in the preparation for Terry. Precise, military plots and outsmarting the other guy, since he was already two or three steps ahead in the big picture because he'd prepared ahead of time so well that he knew every weakness to exploit and every advantage to press. Add that to his lightening fast mind and his ability to read people, and it always made him the leader.

Me? I'm embarrassed to admit it; especially in the face of the two men I was working with now. But my go-to trick was my ability to lie. That's right. The secret to this success with lies for me was that I could tell a lie so convincingly that even parts of me believed it when I said it.

I always gave it my all and I'd learned some truths about lies. That they needed to be based in truth, even if it was a hoped for truth, and that you really needed to commit to them. That they needed to be subtle, entirely believable, and surrounded by some truths. Except that if you were going to tell a big one, make sure it was the hugest, baddest, most out-there lie imaginable so people would know you couldn't possibly think they were that stupid and they'd believe you were telling them the truth.

And, lastly, make it something they wanted to believe.

"Stick with me, kiddo." I whispered the lie to the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen. "I've got you and you're so safe with me. We're getting out of here together. Next stop, McDonald's."

She blinked and I took that as a good sign. I turned my head and looked deep into Dino's blue eyes. It was about the only part of him that had a color other than black, tan, or olive. He knew I was lying and I knew he was worried. He was across the room, standing at a window and watching. His hands signaled to me that we'd be bugging out in two minutes.

I looked back at this little girl. She was only six-years-old and, I swear to God, I so did not want to know what had put her into this almost-catatonic trance we'd found her in. When I smiled at her, I saw this tiny tear drip from one of her eyes. Swallowed hard and leaned in to her, putting my arms around her. It was the first time she'd let me touch her. From the way she'd reacted when we woke her up, I'd have to think finally hearing my voice, and now knowing I was a woman, was going a long way in gaining her trust.

When Dino clicked his teeth, I knew we were moving. I shifted away from our little charge, but, instantly, her arms latched onto me, gripping me around my neck so tight I almost choked. I didn't hesitate. If she was going to trust me, I wasn't going to let her down. I scooped her little body in to me and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Dino led the way out of the room and into the hall.

"You can't carry her all the way, Lisa. Give her to me," Dino whispered into my ear.

But I felt her little arms and legs grip me tighter. "No. I've got her. She's light as a feather. We'll be fine."

Whoa. Now there was a lie. She was quite a load for me. On the other hand, I was willing the adrenalin to start its invigorating flow in my body because that would be a huge help in letting me not notice the huge sack of potatoes I was carting around.

At the end of the passageway, we paused. Dino spoke softly into the mike he wore near his mouth. "Team two at first stop site."

Terry's response sounded in my ear bud. "Team one has visual. Wait on us."

We nestled against the wall. I looked around behind us, watching, nervous. And there he came, giving my heart the little jolt it always got when I knew he was safe. Okay, well, that's a lie. None of us were safe yet. But I always felt we were safe as long as we were together. Like nothing could ever beat us when we were a team.

He was tugging the other hostage with him. It was a twelve-year-old boy; he was the brother of the girl in my arms. Behind this second hostage came Nick. This was his second outing with Terry; I was feeling mighty proud of Nick because t'was me who recruited him to the firm.

"Book it." The words came in our ear buds and we moved as one. Our watchdogs outside were calling us out. Out there, it was just turning dawn. Everything was so quiet; it was too quiet. One of us should have picked up on that. Not that we could have done anything but go forward and head for the van parked about a half mile from the villa we were sneaking away from.

We made it to the hillside. This would be tricky going for me, it suddenly dawned on me. The only way I could move quick with my precious bundle where she hung was to keep both hands on her. Going down the steep, rocky hill without using my hands was going to be nearly impossible and much too slow. The others were scrambling down. I stopped at the crest to make adjustments.

"Baby, I need you to come ride on my back," I whispered to her, gently nudging her legs from my waist. She wiggled in fear, trying to keep to where she'd been. With brute force applied as nicely as I could, I simply moved her around me, letting her keep her arms clinging to my neck and twisting my body inside her grip. Almost choking as I got her in place because her arms were pressing viciously against my throat, I hoisted her up higher to relieve some pressure and grabbed her legs to rewrap them around me. "C'mon, baby, let's go home. Mommy's waiting for you."

I'd only half risen, stepping off and preparing to scramble down the hillside backwards, when a shot rang out. My ears judged the direction from which it came - the villa. Not even bothering to look, I simply dropped and started trying to get us the hell out of their sights by disappearing over the crest. And I was hoping like hell that one of the six men I was with was coming back up the slope to cover me because it was taking everything I had just to scuttle us down to safety. With my charge riding on my back, I didn't have a chance of being steady enough to fire my rifle effectively, even if I could have somehow gotten it off my shoulder with the chokehold she had on me.

When I heard the sounds above me, I knew we were in trouble. From the voices and scraping noises up there, I figured there were a bunch of them up there and they were getting their sights set on us. Instinct kicked in. No time for niceties; I snaked an arm between us, grabbed the girl from my back and threw her underneath me. Laid down on top of her and tried to protect her while I was trying to get the Glock out from the shoulder holster. Shots fired from above, reports, stones flicked near us as bullets missed us for some reason. Then return fire from below, whizzing noises above us, and grunts of surprise and pain at the crest of the hill.

Only then did I look up toward the crest. A body was coming my way and I rolled with my charge so it would miss us. Shoving her face into my chest so she wouldn't see. And then Terry was yanking me up by the back of the Kevlar vest and almost pulling me downhill with him. I caught movement near me and realized Nick was nearby, helping to cover our descent.

And all the while, I was clutching that little girl to me because she trusted me to save her life and I was never going to let her down.

And I was trusting Terry to save my life and knowing without reserve he'd never let me down.

When I hit the ground, Terry's hand helped me gain my feet and we took off running. Truly, my lie about the girl's weight had convinced me I could carry her for miles if I'd had to, even running full out. More gunshots from the crest of the hill, but we were out of range so we all simply booked it for the van.

I felt Terry and Nick lift me and my charge up and fling us into the van's rear door. Dino caught us and in seconds, the driver's lead foot was taking us on a wild ride. I straightened myself out and got my back up against the side of the van.

Fingers gentle on her face, I tilted her chin up so I could look into her eyes. "Hey, baby. See? What'd I tell ya? Piece of cake, right?"

Something felt odd, all of a sudden. Like it got hot and the air was too heavy. I licked my lips and wondered why my tongue felt fat.

"Lisa?" Dino's voice sounded further away than it should have. I raised my eyes to look at him. "You okay?"

Nodded my head. Weird. What was it?

"What's... Fuck... Oh, fuck. Dino, take the kid." Terry was sliding up next to me and I turned to smile at him. He always felt so good. He wasn't looking at my face. He was looking at my shoulder or something.

Dino slid his arms around my baby and she started keening because he literally peeled her off me. I tried to reach for her but something stopped me. Man. I was tired. The run shouldn't have taken it out of me this much, I thought.

Terry's mouth was next to my ear. "Lisa, baby, you've been hit. Try to stay still and let me check you out. Let's don't scare the kids, okay?"

Mmm-hmm. No problem, sweetie. Touch me all you want. Your hands always feel good. "Ow. Terry..."

I drifted away from them for a little while. Terry told me later that it was blood loss that made me faint. He and Nick hadn't noticed the bleeding because the bullet had caught me high on my arm, almost at the shoulder, and the blood had oozed down my back, under the vest. It wasn't until I was sitting in the van and it started dripping onto the floor that Terry had noticed it.

Awareness came back all of a sudden. Like someone switched me on, my eyes snapped open to find out what the Hell was going on. 

"Fuck, Dino. Get him under control. She can't take all this jostling," Terry rasped out.

I reached my good hand up for his shirt and pulled on him. Rather embarrassing, that. I had been attempting to hoist myself up to a sitting position, but instead all I'd done was get his attention to the fact that I was awake.

"Hey, baby. You're fine, just some bleeding but we've got it stopped," he whispered to me.

It's okay, Terry. I'm fine. Flesh wound. Had 'em before. No biggie. I opened my mouth, then wiggled my jaw around. Why wasn't my voice working? I swallowed and tried again. "'Sokay, 'erry. M'fine."

"I know, Lisa, I know. Just stay still." 

I could no longer hear my baby keening in the background. I tried to sit up so I could look at her, but Terry's hand on my chest kept me prone. I looked into his eyes and they peered back at me. Oh, crap. He was worried. That wouldn't do. My fingers crept up to his hand and laced themselves in his. We smiled at each other. The rest of the trip was painful. The bumps, the swivels, the shifts... they all seemed to shake the part of me that was suddenly blazing with pain.

God, I hated being shot. No matter how slight a gunshot wound, they hurt like mother-fuckers. 

We couldn't stop on this trip. There was no other choice. We had to get the kids and ourselves across the border because to stay in that Middle Eastern country long enough to get medical attention just wasn't an option. We met up with our escort vehicles about two miles from the border. Diplomatic passage had been pre-arranged but having American Embassy staff cars riding with us was a necessary precaution to keep the border guards from searching the van. The two children were discretely tucked inside a space camouflaged under the panel seat at the front of the van.

Despite my very best efforts to be stoic, I let out a pained groan when Terry and Nick hoisted me upright on one of the panel seats for the actual time we were stopped at the border checkpoint. Terry sat next to me and kept me propped upright while I swallowed hard on the pain and did everything I could not to pass out.

When we started moving again, I gave up all pretense of strength and just whimpered at him as he let me slide down to lay flat on the seat.

Crap, but the rest of that trip might have been even worse. Thankfully, I was passed out for most of it. By the time I was in a hospital getting stitched up, I was pretty tired of fighting off the pain and the weakness. I just gave up, frankly, and let Terry worry about what would happen to me. I woke up in a hospital bed and felt his hand in mine. Blinking awake and looking at him, his head lying on the bed next to my hip. Sleeping there by me, watching over me. I shook his hand and his eyes flashed open, a wide smile when he saw me looking at him.

"Hey, handsome. What's shaking?" I asked him, my voice croaking most unflatteringly. "When are we going home?"

The flight back to London was sweet oblivion. They gave me some righteous pain pills and I felt nothing. Terry had a loose as a goose me on his hands and if it hadn't been for the fact that Nick had stayed behind to help, I'm not sure how he would have managed. I certainly wasn't cooperative. All I wanted to do was snuggle with him and I kept trying to do it even in the most inappropriate places.

"This is a side to you I never knew," Nick told me with a grin as we waited for Terry while he made a pit stop at the gent's inside the airport in Paris.

"It's Terry," I slurred, the pill I'd taken an hour before having gotten me loopy again. "He's just such a man. It makes me all gooey inside the way he's always such a man. Did you know he loves me?"

We heard a throat clear and I looked up to see Terry in full scowl. "Lisa. I know you can fucking control your reaction to those drugs better than that."

See, the problem was, I couldn't. I still reacted much harder to drugs than other people did. They hit me faster, and they weirded me out in ways that were unpredictable. But it wasn't until the drugs were out of my system and my regular doctor had prescribed something not quite so addictive that I was able to remind Terry of just how strange and strong my reaction to drugs were.

Two days after we were back in London, I was climbing the walls. Terry wanted me to stay in bed until I recovered and I was battling with him. "Christ on a cross, Terry Thorne. The doctor didn't order bed rest for me. He told me to gradually get back to my normal activities. My blood levels are almost normal so you need to just stop mothering me."

I was talking back to him from the couch, where I was doing nothing more strenuous than reading a file. But when he'd come in from a quick trip to the office, he hadn't been happy that I'd had the temerity to walk from the bedroom to the living room. He was glaring at me, not saying anything, trying to will me into compliance.

Sighing, I patted the space next to me. "Come sit with me, sweetie. We haven't even so much as cuddled since we've been back."

Both nights since we'd been back, Terry had held me gently in his arms until I fell asleep. But each night, I'd woken up to find him sitting in a chair next to the bed, dozing uncomfortably. He told me he didn't want to fall asleep next to me because he was afraid he'd jostle my injured arm. I knew there was something else going on with him, but he was refusing to share his thoughts and feelings with me.

It made me ache to see him struggle. "Please, baby? For me?" Giving him my best soulful eyes.

He sighed, closed his eyes, then focused back on me. Tight smile just before he sat next to me, his body rigid and not very close. I crawled over to him and straddled his lap. Got another frown from him. Smiled sweetly at him, leaned in to give him this soft peck on the lips. No response. So I sunk in to his body, my head nestling inside that wonderful crook between his head and shoulder. Sighed contentedly and waited for him to relax.

It took forever. He finally put an arm around me and shifted to a position I could tell was more comfortable.

"Terry?" I whispered to him. "I'm so sorry."

He cleared his throat. Pause. Two beats. "About what?"

"I know this scared the hell out of you. I know you're upset and I wish I knew what I could do to help you deal with this." I felt his arm grip me tighter and he swallowed hard. "It must have been so awful for you, baby. To see me hurt and in pain. And, I'm really sorry that I just gave up and let you deal with it. I just wish I hadn't been such a weak person because I shouldn't have done that. But, the truth is, Terry, that it felt so good to just let you take care of me. Now, though, I feel really guilty I did that to you."

I felt his head lean in against mine and kind of snuggle against me there. His hand gentled along my cheek. But he didn't say anything. Not a word. He was beginning to worry me. I'd gotten used to his need to go slow on expressing highly emotional issues. But he seemed to be having such trouble with what had happened that he was totally withdrawing from me.

Before I knew it, I was crying. I just felt so helpless. He needed something from me and I didn't know what to do. 

"Hey, what's all this?" he whispered to me, his breath so warm on my neck and all I wanted was him to be my man again.

"I feel like I'm failing you, Terry. Can you talk to me about this? About how you're feeling?"

"No, love, I can't. Not yet. I don't think I've sorted it out yet."

Two more days went by with us ignoring this subject. Even though it was this gaping hole that threatened to swallow us both up. We'd gotten pretty adept at stepping nimbly around the edges. But that day, I sort of fell in. This is going to sound so horrible... but I was incredibly horny. That time of month, you know, and... well... he wasn't even touching me in a sexual way yet. Still worried I'd break, I guess.

So, that afternoon while he went in to the office, I decided I needed to deal with the tension snapping through my body. Unfortunately, he came home a tad early and caught me using some... um... how to put this? Mechanical assistance. Right. He didn't even know I had it. Hell, I'd forgotten I had it until I needed it.

About two months following our reconciliation over the unfortunate incident in Belize, I'd gone back to Washington, packed up my apartment and moved - lock, stock and barrel - to London. To a new house. He'd insisted we make a fresh start in our life together. I hadn't been wild about the idea because it seemed like a colossal waste of time, money and energy to move from his perfectly wonderful house. But he felt like that would always be "his" house to me and he wanted something I'd feel was "our" house. It wasn't until we mixed in my furniture with his and I had all my "things" with me that I fully appreciated what he'd done for me.

Anyway, in packing, I'd tossed a lot of stuff out that I didn't want to bother carting across the pond, but, for some reason, I'd kept my battery-operated woman's best friend. Frankly, I was sentimental about it, because there were some mighty lonely years there when I would have gone pretty bonkers without it. So, when this new frustration arose, I flashed on the place I'd stashed it.

Upstairs, in our bed, seeking mechanical aid for an itch he didn't yet want to scratch for me. I was right there, so close, and I mean, Lord help me, but I needed the release in the worst possible way... I heard his footsteps in the doorway and couldn't stop. He just stood there, this amazed expression on his face, and stared at me. I sat up in the bed; knew I was blushing, wondering why I was feeling so guilty. Finally returned his gaze.

And we both burst out laughing.

"This is what it's come to?" he asked me, trying to catch his breath and coming toward me.

I shut my eyes. "A horribly inadequate substitute, trust me."

He knelt by the side of the bed, leaning on an elbow atop the mattress and considered me. Smiled at me and my insides fluttered. "I was trying to be one of those sensitive males that women are supposed to like. You know, not imposing myself on you in your... um... fragile condition."

Making me snort. "Right. That's me. Fragile."

Now he lost all amusement in his face. He fixed me with a long look. "When's the last time you've looked at yourself in a mirror?"

"This morning. Why?"

"Did you really look?" He reached out a hand to me. "C'mere. Come look again."

I let him drag me up out of the bed. He stood me in front of the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. His eyes met mine in the reflection, his eyebrows rising as he waited on me. When I didn't say or do anything, he undid my robe and slipped it off my shoulders, leaving me standing there, looking at my nude body in the mirror. My eyes came back to his in the reflection.

"When's the last time you've been this thin?" 

I turned and looked back at myself. My body had always been just something I took for what it was. Not perfect but not horrible. Athletic but with rounded softness that he liked. No one would have ever thought I was skinny; I was healthier and more muscled than that would imply. But before my eyes, I suddenly saw what he meant. You could see my ribs with a sharpness that shouldn't have been there. My hip bones were a bit too easy to define under my skin. I flexed my arms and the muscles were still there. I stepped closer to the mirror and looked at my face. Blue-black circles made my eyes look almost sunken. My skin tone wasn't so great.

"Are you even eating, Lisa?"

His reflection was all wavy all of a sudden. I closed my eyes and hung my head. "Terry, I..."

His arms circled my waist and I leaned back against him. Feeling his mouth on my neck made me sigh. "Love, I'm not the only one of us struggling. Maybe you need to tell me what's happening with you."

"She made it, didn't she?" I asked him, changing the subject like it was second nature. "The little girl. You haven't said and I've been..."

"Yeah, love. Dino got her to her mum just fine. First thing she asked for was to go to McDonald's."

I laughed. Relief felt like a drug. "Her mother told me it was her favorite place to go. I promised her she could go there when we got her out."

He kissed me soft but insistent on my neck then slid his mouth up to my ear. "What did it feel like, Lisa? To hold her in your arms? To have a child trust you like that? Did it hurt?"

It filled me with horror to instantly understand he'd seen it - all the stuff I'd been choking back on for three months because I hadn't wanted to add to his own pain. In that one moment, I knew that, despite my best efforts, he'd still seen it slowly killing me, and that I must have never given him an opening before in which he could talk with me about it.

"Oh God." Like he'd smashed some dam inside me. It burst from me - the lingering grief that I'd been trying so hard to deny. I crumpled down to the floor and he came right with me, his arms gathering me in against him.

He just held on to me while I cried. When I finally stopped, he held me tight to him. "Tell me, Lisa. Please. I'm right here. Let me in."

I turned and looked into his eyes. In them, I could see his own sea of troubles and wondered if it was even fair to tell him that I didn't think I'd ever get over losing our baby. We'd been so happy. And then I miscarried four months into the pregnancy. Just at the point we were really coming to grips with becoming parents and imagining what she'd look like. Yeah, it had been a girl; I made them tell me.

It had been the fact that we were making a family. That's what did it to me, I think. To have lost out on that chance to have back the one thing I hadn't had in my life since my parents were murdered.  The chance to be a legitimate member of a family.

All this time, I thought I was hiding it from him. How much it had hurt. How much it made me feel like I'd failed him. Us. Whatever. How much I had so deeply wanted the baby and it wasn't even until I'd lost her that I'd realized how much.

And somehow holding that trusting little hostage in my arms had felt so damned good. I had never put the two of the incidents together until Terry did for me. It HAD hurt to hold her like that. Someone else's baby girl.

In Terry's eyes at that moment, I saw something else. An opening for me as much as for him. A chance for us to face our struggles to deal with our loss and with the new fear I'd given him in getting injured.

"We need to talk, Terry. Really talk to each other. Maybe we both need to be fragile for a while and help each other get strong again," I told him.

Chapter 2

Life hangs on the most fragile of vines. Somehow, most of us ignore this reality. I think it's because if we didn't, it'd be damned hard to ever step out of sight of those we hold most dear. Plus, it'd be almost impossible to choose to love, don't you think, if you could never forget that the people you loved could be snuffed out so easily? The distance between breathing and death... it's so much closer than we ever want to acknowledge.

I also think there are certain types of people who do more than just ignore this reality of the fragility of life. Those people flaunt it, tempt it, defy it. As if in defying their own slim mortality, they defeat death's taunting call.

As an adult, I had not just been surrounded by people who courted death. I'd been one of them.

And for this sin, I was surely facing a time of reckoning.

"Mmmph," I mumbled. Terry's sleep hoarse voice was grumping out a greeting to whoever was calling on the phone, disturbing our slumber. My eyes tried to focus on the bedside clock. It was just after midnight and I'd only fallen asleep about a half hour earlier.

"It's Dave," he muttered, finding my ear with the phone.

"'lo?" I was still so hard into the hard night that it was damned difficult to wake up. "Dave? What's wrong?"

"We need your help, Lisa. I need your help. I've booked a flight for you. It leaves London in a little over an hour. I'm e-mailing the tickets to you." His voice sounded so grim that it was like someone had thrown a bucket of water on me. "Can you convince Terry or Dino to come with you? I can't tell you anything on this line. Just know it's important."

But, of course, it had to be. He would never have asked if it wasn't. And he also knew I'd be there, no questions asked. "Dino's in New York. I'll call him and have him come to meet us."

Surprise, surprise. State. Something really weird about being called in by the State Department, middle of the night and come immediately. I couldn't imagine the circumstances when State would admit they needed outside help. Well, they might call and ask me some background information or consult with me on scenarios. Actually, they had done that a few times in the two plus years since I'd been gone. But to ask me to be there, in person, during what had to be an actual crisis situation for Dave to sound like that? And, bring a negotiator with you?

Terry and I blinked at each other when I hung up. I recounted the conversation for him. His eyes narrowed. "Lisa, you can't go. Not now. You promised me."

Reaching out a hand, smoothing it gently down his stubbled jaw. My thumb sneaking over to cop a feel of lips that drove me crazy. "What if it was Dino calling you with this request? I'd be disappointed, but I'd understand why you would need to go."

He nodded but never lost the angry scowl. "Yeah. But you could have told Dave what was happening with us. Maybe..."

"He needs me there. Now. That's pretty obvious," I answered. Whispering to him, hoping we'd part on good terms, "Terry, sweetie, please... I promise we'll go away together as soon as I get back."

We had agreed the evening before that we were taking two weeks off to go reconnect. We had planned to head for Venice and then rent a car and just drive where the road took us. Just get lost for a while in the Italian countryside and deal with this grief that was a wedge between us.

"Will you drive me to the airport?" I asked him, my arms hugging around his strong neck and my lips smoothing over his throat. "Please? You could even come with me, Terry. Dave must have made reservations for two because he wanted either you or Dino coming with me. Come with me. Please."

Leaned back to look at him when he didn't answer. His eyes skimmed over my face and I wondered what he saw. His hands pulled the hair away from my face and his eyes got that hard intensity in them. "Any idea why he wants us there?"

"None. Last time they used me as a consultant, it was to set up the take down on Graciano. That was, what, five months ago?" I winced in memory. I'd only begun telling people I was pregnant a short time before Dave had called. I regretted telling him because then I had to e-mail him the sad news.

"You really want me with you?" he asked me gently, like he really wasn't sure. 

Could barely meet his eyes. Nodded at him and bit down hard on tears. "More than you could ever know. It's gotten so much harder lately to not be with you."

"Grab the bags. I'll get our gear." But before he let me rise from him, he hugged me in tight and then bent down to kiss me. And, when I say kiss, I mean this was a kiss that made me light-headed. When he released me, I was breathless. He gave me this little husky chuckle. "Good. Nice to know I haven't lost it."

"You're not going to just leave me hanging here, are you?"

Wide-eyed innocent face looking at me from atop a body that was the farthest thing possible from innocent. "We have to leave if we're catching the plane. Go. Get ready. Now."

Quick shower. Jumping into clothes that, by habit, were always ready. Another habit - we always kept fully packed bags with clothes and other essentials that we could just grab on the way out the door. In the life we were living, there were far too many instances when about the only time we had was to latch on to the bag on the way out the door. I got the bags from the closet where we kept them stashed and tossed them by the door. While I was checking e-mail, printing out the ticketing information for us and dashing off quick e-mails to both Dave and Dino to give them our plans, Terry was calling a cab and getting our passports, firearms and other hardware we brought on any trip.

We made it to the airport with enough time to grab a newspaper. While we waited for boarding, I scanned the London Times late edition. Looking to see if there were any trouble spots that I might have been familiar enough with to warrant State asking me to come help. Nothing.

We both fell asleep almost before the plane reached cruising altitude. When I woke, it was because Terry's mouth was nibbling my ear lobe and his hand was playing with me below the blanket under which I was snuggled. We had the armrest between our first-class seats shoved out of the way and it had allowed him to hold me while we snoozed.

"Shh," he whispered, because I'd come awake with a startled gasp. It had seemed like forever since he'd touched my body in a real sexual way. And, now wide-awake, I realized his fingers were on my skin, under my slacks and panties. Those talented digits already had me wet and I was amazed at just how eager my body was for this touch.

I turned my face into his shoulder and let out this shudder of relief as his thumb rubbed my clit. The mostly-empty cabin was still dark but it wouldn't be long before daylight would stream in toward us. His lips made wet marks on my neck; I shivered with longing. "I need you."

"Soon, baby. But right now, just let me..." he barely whispered against me.

When his fingers slid up inside my slick opening, I whimpered and started coming. He put his mouth over mine and sucked in the sounds I was failing to keep in. As I told him later, at least I'd had the decorum not to buck and grind against his hand like I wanted to do. After he made me come, he moved his hand out from under my pants, glanced around to make sure no one was watching then slipped the hand up to caress each of my breasts. "You're being a bastard to me now," I told him, my eyes almost shut in my effort to control myself.

Satisfied with the impact he had made, he stopped playing with me. Snugged his arms around me and started murmuring in my ear about how much he loved me. I felt warm tears on my cheeks that he couldn't see because his head was tucked in to the side of my neck. But his arm felt my chest heave with the force of emotion.

"I wondered when you'd ever touch me this way again," I whispered to him when he looked at me, his eyebrows drawn up in an unspoken question. "I've missed that part of you."

"Lisa, baby, I... It's just that... You have no idea how hard it was to come so close to losing you. If that bullet had been just a few inches to the left..." I felt him almost shudder against me. "I couldn't help it. First the baby and then... I just don't know if I can keep letting you put yourself in dangerous situations anymore. It's too real now."

I turned and met his eyes. Those green-blue eyes had always reminded me of the ocean's shifting surface over the Caribbean reefs I loved to snorkel. Wish I was one of those brilliant people who had the answer for everything. Put my hand on his cheek and lied to the man I loved. "I am so glad you've told me, Terry. Give me some time, okay? Maybe I'm getting tired of this life and you won't have to worry about it anymore."

It was one of those lies wrapped snuggly within some truths; the kind of lie that I specialized in. The kind of lie he wanted to believe just then. I was tired. I was hoping he'd never worry about me again. I did need time. But... I wasn't ready to stop courting death. It was the most addictive drug I'd ever willingly used to keep going.

Since losing our baby, I think that, in some sick way, I'd lost myself inside the life of occasional danger he'd invited me into. Like, if I hadn't had those times of supreme risk to look forward to, I might have forgotten to take another breath, to force my heart to beat once more.

When we landed in Washington, Dave was waiting on us inside the Customs area. We were whisked out into a waiting limo like we were some kind of dignitaries.

"How's the arm?" Dave asked me as we sped through traffic.

I moved it around to show it worked. "It's fine."

Terry gave me a frown and pushed in on the healing wound. I yelped and slapped him. "Lisa, sometimes the truth is better than fiction," he growled at me.

My hand cupped over the now-throbbing area of my body in question, I glared at him even as this smirk crossed his lips, and then turned to Dave. "How'd you know I was injured?"

"Saw the report from the Embassy." He looked out the window. "They appreciated the help."

We'd gone in to retrieve two American children who'd been kidnapped by their Saudi father and taken back to his homeland. The mother, who had custody, had spent six frustrating months trying to get official help. She'd gone to the Embassy in-country, sure they'd help her. But their hands were firmly bound by red tape and they refused to start any type of international incident over it. One of the Marine guards had contacted Dino; they'd known each other for years and the Marine asked Dino if there wasn't something he could do. He'd made the call to our favorite redhead when the mother brought evidence the children were being abused.

I had gone with Dino to interview the mother in Cyprus, where she had retreated to figure out her next move after being deported from Saudi Arabia. He'd taken one look at the pictures she'd shown us of the kids and I knew we were going in. Terry had tried to pretend he was furious; but, we were all in it as soon as it became personal to Dino.

"It was a bit more than some help," Terry grumbled. I slanted my eyes at him. His jaw was tight. I glanced across at Dave. His jaw was just as tight.

Honestly. Men. They were almost as bad as me.

"Why are we here?" I asked Dave.

"You should have brought Dino. Easier getting clearance for a citizen," Dave replied. Next to me, I felt Terry's body tense.

"You two need to drop it. It's long past time," I chided them. 

Dave pinned me in place with a hard look. "He's the one who gets shitty with me every time I call you."

I looked sideways at Terry. He was glaring at Dave; if I'd been Dave, I would definitely have backed down in the face of Terry Thorne being that angry. Honestly? I didn't really know which of these two men, both very important to me, had a better reason to be upset. I suspected it was more a macho pissing contest than anything else. It had started about two months after I'd moved to London. Dave had called and exerted immense pressure on me to join a strike force getting ready to hit a target I was familiar with like no one else still at State or DEA. But when I talked it over with Terry, the risks involved were far greater than he wanted me take in an operation that, bottom line, meant nothing to me personally. So I turned the gig down in deference to Terry's concerns; Dave told me Terry was making me soft and we'd had words that took us about three months to get beyond. The next time Terry was in Washington, he'd taken the time to have a "personal" conversation with Dave that, depending on who you asked, was either a thinly veiled threat or a vigorous debate about friendship.

"Look, this is just ridiculous. It was my own decision not to go on that operation, Dave. And you simply cannot blame Terry for not appreciating the fact that you still tried to get me to go even in the face of his objections. Now, let's bury the hatchet because I suspect we're going to have to all get along if we're working on something together." Terry's warm hand snaked into mine and I knew it was a gesture of appreciation. I looked at Dave and smiled, willing the tension from me. "You've brought us here for a reason; when will we find out what it is?"

We had to wait until we were inside State's secured facilities. Being an ex-member of this government department, Dave had pre-cleared my arrival and my temporary badge was waiting for me when we got to the security checkpoint. But Terry had several pieces of paperwork he had to fill out and sign before his was handed over. It took about twenty minutes; I suspected Dave did it on purpose because he dragged me into a conference room as soon as we arrived, leaving Terry behind on the paperwork drill. As soon as we walked into the conference room, Dave ordered the briefing to start. I brought it to a screeching halt. Not until my entire team is present, I told Dave. It didn't bother me in the least that about fifteen other people were kept waiting until Terry was finally escorted to the room.

When Terry and I settled into our seats, Dave made this throat-clearing noise and then said, "If our honored guests are ready?" I gave him the 'old me' glance and knew he'd drop it for a while.

I didn't even have time to open the briefing packet in front of me before her picture flashed up on the screen. Startled breath in reaction and Terry looked between me and the screen. I turned stunned eyes to Dave and he resolutely refused to meet them. He was droning on, like this person on the screen wasn't someone important to both of us.

And then another part of me snapped into dominance - the part of me that could be more dispassionate and cold. Lying to myself and hoping I'd believe it. My hands weren't even shaking as I began taking notes.

"Initial information is unconfirmed by our resources and comes from local law enforcement agencies through the FBI. There will be no, repeat no confirmation of subject's status with State." Dave paused and then a crime scene photo came on the screen. My cold eyes memorized details as he continued. "Subject, Maria Shapiro, is one of two members of the Shapiro family abducted yesterday from the family's estate just outside Nashville, Tennessee. The first call to the local sheriff's department did not come until approximately three hours after the armed abduction. The call came from the victim's father, who contacted cops from his health club. He reportedly took this precaution out of fear the kidnappers were monitoring his home and office phones."

I paged through the briefing packet. Found the initial law enforcement report and scanned it. Maria and her little sister were taken at gunpoint by a group of seven camouflaged men wearing knit ski masks so only their eyes and mouths were visible. They came in fast, they came in hard. Terrorizing the family as they sat for dinner. They took no souvenirs, no money, nothing but the two women. The family was warned in no uncertain terms; involve law enforcement and the hostages will die. Be ready to hand over $6 million within five days and you'll get them back.

In my mind, I remembered an e-mail I'd gotten from Maria about a month earlier. She had been planning a trip over an upcoming long weekend; going home to meet her sister's fiancé. Great intro to the family, I thought.

After the crime scene slides, a new face flashed on screen. I should have been paying better attention. The last name should have instantly meant something to me.

"This is Billy Ray Hullett. New leader of the Tennessee Citizens Militia for seven months. His group has been identified by the FBI's Nashville counter-terrorism field office as the likeliest organization behind the kidnapping," Dave said. "You'll see briefing material inside your packets on this organization and the 17 other militia, patriot and anti-government groups known operating within Tennessee."

"Eighteen? There are 18 of these wacko groups in that state?" I asked the room. "How is that even possible?"

A young woman across the table from me clicked in a new slide. "The Intelligence Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center is considered the most reliable group tracking militia and other anti-government groups." She pointed to the U.S. map listing the numbers of militia groups by state. "Their latest estimate of the number of patriot groups in the U.S. is 446, with 181 designated as militias. Tennessee is a very active state; it has the fifth highest number of such groups in the U.S."

She looked at me. "These are not all 'wacko groups.' Many are law abiding. But the radical anti-government movement has grown more vicious and dangerous ever since Ruby Ridge. Ranking among the highest of their 'natural enemies,' as they call them, are the ATF and the FBI. There has been a spike in the criminal activity by the more fringe elements over the last three years. The FBI believes we could be on the threshold of new domestic terrorism activity."

I returned her gaze. "This isn't just about political extremism. You can count on that. There's a reason this family was targeted and there's a reason the FBI has zeroed in on this group so quickly."

Of all the people in my world, Terry probably knew best just how close I was to Maria. She had been one of my most trusted assistants when I'd run my division at State and she was still one of the people I always knew I could call for help with research and backdoor information. Above all else, she was my friend.

Maria had come to us from Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms or the ATF. She'd been a research analyst and never a field agent. I met her when I was an agent with DEA and working on a multi-jurisdictional task force with her boss. When I took the assignment at State, she was among the first people I recruited. That's how much she'd impressed me. She had become one of the most vital members of the department, and within her mind rested untold classified information that, in the wrong hands, could endanger lives and operations.

Terry leaned into me, his voice a deep whisper in my ear. "Baby, you okay?"

Nodding tightly, afraid to look at him and let him read my eyes because he'd know I was lying to both of us.

Terry had met Maria at our wedding, a little over a year earlier. It had taken him all of about five minutes to catch her unique brand of fiery cool personality. By that I mean, she was a cool customer on the outside, but inside her burned a steady fire of devotion and intellect that drew people like me to her like a magnet. She had these features that were almost the opposite of me. She was at least four inches taller, skinny as a rail, jet dark hair that curled at the slightest provocation and her eyes were so dark that I sometimes wondered how she saw out of them. When you heard her Nashville twang come out of her mouth, it seemed odd. A New York accent seemed so much more likely.

This situation was now highly personal. I had no doubt Terry and I both were going to be actively involved in the operation. I also had no doubt that it wouldn't even be a matter of discussion between us; he'd never begrudge me this.

"What haven't you told me yet?" I asked Dave. He shrugged his shoulders.

"This group has been of real concern ever since Hullett took over. They're more ruthless in their tactics and their real goals are uncertain at this point. The FBI's man on-site believes they picked the Shapiro's because he's Jewish and he's rich." Dave and I locked eyes. "She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, Lisa. They don't know what she does for a living. But any hint of her status with either State or ATF would be her death warrant, so we cannot be officially involved. I have no one else I can send. You and Terry can go in as the hostage negotiators advising the family. Low key, but it won't be that hard for whoever has her to believe the father's company would have a firm like yours on standby since they do a lot of overseas work. I think everyone in this room understands the need to get Maria back."

Dave had already spoken to Maria's father. Like everyone in that division, no outsider ever even knew what exactly she did. But her father, I knew, was the one member of her family who understood that whatever it was, his daughter's work was clandestine and he guarded that knowledge with his life. In this time of danger for their family, he was counting on her employer for help. Dave had already told him help was on the way.

"When do we leave?" Terry asked him. I would have kissed him hard on the mouth if we weren't in this setting.

By the time the plane touched down in Nashville a few hours later, we were entering the second day into their deadline and counting down.