Lachlan Curry strolled past the luxury development on his way to the site. He was earning a bit of much needed extra cash navvying on one of the new condominiums being built on the water at Docklands. It occurred to him of the irony of his life when he sauntered past the impressive entrance of the apartment block where Terry and Uma lived and then looked down at his own dusty faded denims, mud-clodded workman's boots, the hard hat he carried and the pack of sandwiches and flask of coffee in his back pack. World's apart, he mused and then felt annoyed with himself. It wasn't their fault. No one could have been a better friend to them than Terry and Uma. Without their support he and Heather would have simply gone under.

But he couldn't help but wonder when life might give them a break and they could claim a bit of the ease that the others had. A decent place to live. A bit of money spare. New clothes and a bunch of flowers for Heather wouldn't go amiss either...and then maybe some real tucker...

Lachlan made his mind up on a whim and turned into the gateway. He hadn't seen Uma in a while and then there was the added allure of baby Maia who was just the sweetest little girl ever. He could spare fifteen minutes to have a cuppa and see how they were doing. Like old times, hey?

A security guard gave him a glance as he entered the grounds but waved him on, obviously thinking he was there to do some manual work. Lachlan smiled to himself. Then he saw the police cars and ambulances. A small crowd of people, probably residents he imagined, were standing about looking bemused. A tight cord of worry began to knot in his stomach. What was going on?

Walking over to the bystanders, he addressed one casually. "What's up?"

The woman looked a little pale but seemed eager to talk. "Not sure, really. The police are crawling all over the place. It seems that two bodies have been found in one of the apartments..."

Lachlan swallowed hard and tried to focus against the sudden dizziness that swam across his vision. Some sixth sense seemed to warn him that this was connected to Terry. How many other people lived here that were likely to be involved in violent events like these?  Pulling out his phone, he called TOL. Mr Thorne was not yet in. No, they did not know where he was. Yes, he was expected as he had to collect his ticket and some documents. He was flying overseas later that afternoon. Could she take a message?

He hit Terry's cell number. No answer. He tried Uma's. It rang a few times and then he heard her voice.

"Uma! You okay..."

"Er...Lachlan? Yes...."

Then he heard a crack and the line went dead. He was unsure whether to be relieved or even more worried. On a last resort, he called up the apartment number. The phone was answered almost immediately.

"Yes?"

"Who is this?"

"Metropolitan Police ...can I have your name, sir?"

"Police? This Terry Thorne's place?

"What is the nature of this call, sir?"

"I'm a friend...relative of Mr. Thorne..."

"If you could give your name..."

"Are they all right? Someone said something about two bodies...mate...please..."

"I can only say that the occupants of the apartment are not amongst the casualties..."

Lachlan snapped his phone shut and backed away. He needed to think. Somehow he didn't want to have to produce any ID or let the police get near to Heather and Tristan. He wasn't even sure why he felt so rattled at that thought. What had happened? Where were they? Was this something that would rebound on his family?

Lachlan Curry's presence had been closely observed by someone in the crowd. Who was this young man who looked so like Terrence Thorne? The watcher followed at a distance, keeping him in sight as he left the grounds and made his way to a building site in the area. The younger man was so preoccupied that he never had even an inkling that he was being followed. He was clearly not in the same game as Mr. Thorne...

UMA

I woke up somewhere on the M4 in S. Wales about eight in the morning, curled up next to Maia who was still sound asleep. From my vantage point, I watched Terry driving in his usual competent fashion, smooth, fast and in control. It was obvious his thoughts were far away and I imagined that he was trying hard to work it all out. By now I knew he would have an action plan.

He ran a hand back through his hair and sighed in frustration. He must be tired. I ought to drive for a time and let him have a sleep.

"Terry? Want me to drive?"

"No."

"You're tired."

"I'll live," he replied tersely and then indicated, turning off a slip road and pulling in at a McDonalds drivein a few miles down the road.

"McDonalds? Why not the services for breakfast?"

"First place they'll look..." he rolled down the window and shielded his face with a twenty quid note while he gave his order. The young bloke at the window barely glanced up as he handed over the food and we were quickly out of there. A short distance down the road, we pulled into a country park and ate our pretty tasteless breakfast sitting on some wooden benches with Maia still asleep in the nearby car.

"Terry?" I asked softly as he ate and stared morosely into the distance. "What now?"

"I get Dino onto this. He needs to do us some damage limitation or the police will be looking for us...and then he needs to help me figure this shit out..."

"You any ideas?"

"No."

"But...?"

"This happened to the other Terry. I don't know what he might have been involved in if it isn't in the files..."

"Don't you log everything?"

"You crazy? We log about one tenth of the real story. The rest is in here..." he pointed to his head. "Or in this case, in LaLa land with the other Thorne. I haven't got a fucking clue what's behind this..."

"But it might be some angry person whose kidnap you spoiled..."

"It might...but there are no likely candidates of late. Not to target me specifically..."

"How do we know Dino hasn't been as well?"

"We don't...We just pray to God he hasn't...I'm going to take a leak and then get on to it..." He strolled off and stood by a nearby tree, urinating casually.

That's when my phone rang.

I went over to my bag, opened it up to say 'hi' to Lachlan. Then Terry appeared from nowhere, grabbed the phone and smashed it against the nearest tree. "You left your fucking phone switched on? You totally witless?"

I stared at him. Maia woke with a start at the sound of his roar and began to cry. 

"Shut her up...that's all I fucking need..." he snapped and took my arm, throwing me into the back of the car and hitting the road at speed.

I picked her up and comforted her, offering her milk but she was disoriented and uneasy, looking about her and pulling her lips in a pout. She could feel the tension in the air. "Terry...I'm sorry...but Lachlan was worried....and he was only on for a few seconds...not long enough for a trace..."

"What fucking TV show you been watching? They can trace it if it's switched on - why do you think mine is scrambled? Jesus Christ! They've been following us since we started. They know exactly where we are. Or were..."

For a few moments I let that filter through my brain. "On to us? All the time?"

He didn't reply but I got a sense then that we were really in over our heads. It was the first time that I realised that he didn't know what to do.

"I am so sorry..."

He flipped on his phone and thumped out some numbers as he drove. I presumed these were the complex security codes to scramble the line. After a wait I heard a click and a distance voice.

"I know it's early. Shut up and listen...!" He filled Dino in succinctly.

"Make sure Gen and Andy are safe then get to London. Set up a command station.  Get the blues off my back.  Put a bodyguard on the Curries - NOW! Search the files. I want a lead and I want it quick. You got that? Never mind where I am. Just do it and I'll be in touch..." He rang off.

"That was a bit blunt..."

"Jesus Christ...I'm supposed to tell him a fucking bedtime story?"

I got the message. Terry was not in a talking mood. Maia seemed to get the message too. I changed her and gave her some apple sauce from a jar and after a little while she just snuggled in and lay looking up at me, sucking plaintively on her dummy.

He heard it first, swore and ran off the road down a leafy lane, pulling up sharp.

"What is it?" Then I heard the drone of the helicopter. He slipped from the car with a gun in his hand, crept to the car boot and moments later, I saw him with a high performance rifle - or rather the parts of it- assembling it at frightening speed as he crept forward. He opened my door and dragged us out. "Down that lane....through that gate and hide in the barn...Do not move, you got me?"

I nodded and ran, flinging myself down in the flimsy shelter with Maia beneath me as the helicopter hovered unbelievably close to the ground not far above us. There were men leaning out. They had seen us, shouted something to the pilot- and then the chopper rose up, presumably to find a landing nearby.

From a broken slat in the wall, I could see the scene unfolding. Terry was crouched down in a ditch by the side of the road with this bloody great gun leaning against his left shoulder. He seemed to be absolutely still, calm and yet with an air of expectant energy about him. The helicopter pulled up and then there was a slight movement from Terry. Everything happened so fast.

He suddenly stood, running for the barn at speed in a weaving pattern, threw himself in and covered us with his body as the sky seemed to explode. A noise so deafening that it obscured all other sound rang out. The roar seemed to go on and on and heat billowed in wave after wave until I felt as if I would melt and all the blood in my body would boil. Then all was silence; the heat seemed to evaporate away almost as if sucked by some giant vacuum. But the sound of smaller explosions and the acrid stench of burning fuel lingered to remind us of the horrific event.

"You two okay?" Terry eased off us. I sat up and checked Maia out. She seemed stunned but then drew a large breath and started to cry.

"Yes...I think so...Jesus Christ!" I staggered to the door, helped by Terry who took Maia from me and held her close against his chest, kissing the top of her head gently, his eyes closed in relief. The field just beyond us looked like a battle ground with pieces of the flaming chopper scattered about, the grass still on fire and the hideous burning remains of dead men littered about in a gruesomely haphazard fashion. He put his hand across my eyes. "Don't look. No point. They're all dead...you'll just upset yourself..."

"...How many were there?"

"Three, four maybe with the pilot. Bought us some time...now, let's get the fuck out of here before Farmer Giles and the local Plods arrive..."

He was as cold blooded about it as that. I tried to look into his eyes but he avoided me, just bustling me along, into the car, handing Maia over and then throwing the gun into the car boot. Within seconds we were driving away. I could already hear sirens in the distance. My whole body was shaking as if in some delayed shock. In the past few hours Terry had killed six men and he appeared almost unconcerned about it. But I never thought for a moment that was actually the case. He had switched into professional mode and from now on in, this was the automaton we would get until this was over one way or another. How else was he to deal with it?

"We gotta get rid of this car."

We did finally dump the car in a lake in North Wales later that afternoon after burning it out and then we jumped on one of those awful NCP coaches to Liverpool. There we spent the night in a cheap bed and breakfast in Birkenhead across the water (I at last got to take a ferry across the Mersey!) which was just about the worst place I have ever been in my whole life. Terry told me to keep my mouth shut and say nothing when we checked in. When we got settled, Terry went out and brought back some more diapers and fish and chips with cans of warm coke for supper. Then he took a bath down the corridor - you think we had en suites? - I tended to his cuts, some of which were deep and might have needed a stitch ideally. He didn't say much, just wincing now and again as I cleaned wounds and re-bandaged then he  stripped off his towel, dropped into bedl and fell into a dead sleep. I washed and changed Maia, played with her a while then fed her and got her off too.

For what seemed an eternity, I lay awake beside him in the lumpy bed as he snored heavily, listening to the rumble of the heavy traffic outside and imagining every vehicle was being sent full of killers to destroy us. I managed to wind myself into a state of sheer panic, a frenzy of breathless terror. But fear wears a body out, as does the effect of one trauma piled upon another. I must have finally given into the bone-weary slumber that I needed. It was a good job that no one was on our trail that night as I swear we would have never heard a thing. It still petrifies me that we all slept the sleep of the dead that night- and it could have been exactly that.

But it seemed to pay off to some extent and when Maia disturbed us at about seven the next morning we were all refreshed. Terry seemed less morose after the rest but he was still quiet, refusing to allow me to go out to buy coffee and pastries, going himself instead. Even then, I was given detailed instructions and a gun (which I viewed with my usual horror). I had sworn I would never fire one again - but I am not stupid enough to imagine that I would not if my life was threatened - or even more so if those of the two people I loved most in the world were at stake.

Once he was back he got on the phone again. Dino was now in London.

"Everything sound?" It was obvious from his reaction, a certain relaxing of his face muscles,that Dino had reported favourably.

"You sure Lachlan and the family are okay?"

Another pause while he listened intently. He does that so well when someone is talking, really focussing where other people just take in the gist. That is why he gleans so much more from what they have said, reading intuitively between the lines and recognising the unsaid as much as the spoken. It is unnerving to watch sometimes. Especially when he was turning his skill inwards on Dino.

"There was a further problem yesterday..." He mentioned the helicopter he had downed with one shot. "...I'd be surprised if you hadn't, mate..." The first smile of the conversation. Probably of the last thirty hours.

"So what have you got for me? What do you mean, nothing...? It's not as easy at that, Dino....mate...I'm telling you...I can't come in...they'll have it covered...Then you find me somewhere safe, you got me? Safe! No mistakes. These fuckers mean business... I'll call you at the usual time. On the usual line. Keep digging, mate...I need for you to work this out..."

He dropped the phone, ran his hands down his face and then stood up, pacing around the tiny room. He thought for a few minutes and then clicked into action. "You've got fifteen minutes. Get ready..." He returned to sifting through his holdall and arranging his weaponry thoughtfully.

"Where we going?"

"Get ready. Talk later." 

We took a ferry back and then a local bus to the train station. I asked if we could buy some fresh clothes on the way. He said no. When we get there. I said where. He said there. I gave up. It was easier for me simply to follow his lead and try not to think. If he wanted to bear the strain alone - then fine, mate. You bear it. And try and kid yourself that by shutting me out you are actually helping me cope - or stopping me from being scared witless. Or making yourself feel any better.

From the station we took a train to Carlisle where Terry bought a beat up car for cash from a small dealer just along from the station. He produced some amazing fake ID from his bag of tricks and even two envelopes with our supposed home address. I also noticed that Terry's Australian accent had disappeared and was replaced by some obscure southern estuarine twang. Terry as Essex man...scary thought.

Once we had wheels it was a little easier to relax and, as the miles rolled on, we began to talk again. 

"Look...I know I've been a shit..."

"You haven't. You're worried. I just want to be there for you....share with me, Terry. I'm scared too and I haven't a clue what's going on in your head. Please..." I reached out and stroked his cheek, rough with stubble. He gave me a bashful smile.

"I know. I'm not used to sharing when I'm working.  I find it ...difficult...to talk openly..." he paused on the words as if even this admission was hard for him to make.

"Then I think it is time to make a change..."I prompted him gently.

He looked across at me sharply and then pulled off the road and stopped the car. It was a viewing area on the A74, a quiet windy high spot looking out over a picturesque, heathery moor to the valley beneath. He opened the passenger door and helped us out, climbing over the low fence and then walking a little distance before sitting down in the grass. He took Maia on his knee and held her against him and pulled me under his arm as he sheltered me from the wind with his body.

"I'm scared, Uma, and I don't know what to do next. It isn't the danger as much as the fact that I have no idea where this is coming from. When I have a problem, I look for a solution - but this is an impossible conundrum. Someone wants to kill us. They have some grudge against me that seems to also focus on my family. Or why hit me at home? I'm easier to get out in the open. My career is the obvious source of this vendetta but to my knowledge nothing I have done or had involvement in since we returned is likely to have provoked it. Which means the answer lies in something that happened before we came here. But it didn't happen to me. Well, it did happen to me, but to the other me whose thoughts and experiences come from the time between my leaving Tecala and turning up in Nicaragua with you two and the Curries..."

"But...you must have records of all the cases! You know everything is logged and recorded. Haven't you got access online? Can't you just go through all the cases that happened from when you set up the shop..."

"Well, of course, I can! And I've been doing that. But, Uma, there's nothing here to explain it. There hasn't been anything of the nature that would provoke this kind of personal revenge seeking..."

I sat back and thought, rubbing his back as I did, almost as if he was the baby. "But...then maybe it isn't to do with work...or it's something from way back..."

"Thought of that...unlikely...when I'm not working I don't go out of my way to annoy people, especially those with these kinds of services at their disposal. And people who hate you this much don't wait years before they make a move...It has to be something that happened before I came..."

"But you would know from the records!" I exclaimed.

He gave a mocking laugh. "You think we write it all down?"

I wasn't sure I knew what he meant. "What?"

He shrugged and tickled Maia's tummy; she giggled and wriggled about in his arms. "You saw the film. What goes on paper rarely reflects the whole story. Most of it is in our heads. And there are a lot of...things... that go on. Extra services we perform that are strictly off the books. We play a complex game and accountability is not a word in our dictionary..."

I sat up straight and crossed my legs. "But...wouldn't Dino know if something a bit dodgy or confidential had occurred?"

"Not necessarily..." he gave me a rueful look. "We're mates but not lovers... we have our own personal agenda. It was always like that. I might have told him but there again - I might not have..."

"So...this may be something that no one could ever work out, except the Terry who has gone from this reality?"

He stared off into the distance. "Could be. Possibly. We have to face that..."

"Do you have to know where this is coming from to stop it?"

Again he hunched his shoulders. "Don't see how a threat ever goes away if you're unsure of its origin. We might be able to trace it back. But that means taking one of these guys alive - and I'd rather not give them the opportunity to bite me back. Plus, it's unlikely they will know who has commissioned their services. These people don't work like that. No direct links..."

"But we might get a lead..."

"Yeah, we might get a lead...How long do you want to hide out like this? Want to spend your life with a false identity? Running? Scared of every shadow or noise in the night?"

I shook my head and swallowed hard. It was an overwhelming thought that we had stumbled upon another nightmare and whichever way we turned we seemed to be stymied. It was even more ironic that this time we might be punished for something quite literally that we had not done. Well, that makes a change, hey?

I took a deep breath and then curled back against the two of them. Terry wrapped his arm back round me and we sat there while. "Oh well....that gives us two options, I suppose," I muttered.

"Huh?" he asked.

"We solve this the easy way or the hard way." I smiled up at him. He laughed.

"You always see things in such a clear way, don't you?"

I giggled. "Terry...you can worry or you can accept. Won't change what's going to come. We keep our heads and use our brains. You use your skills and I'll use mine. Which are limited and only extend to sexual favours to ease your troubled mind, taking care of baby and looking damn good if you will only let me change my knickers and buy some new togs...but...I'll give it my best shot..."

He threw himself back against the ground. Maia crawled over his chest chuckling to herself, imagining that this was some sort of game. Terry lay back laughing. "I've never met anyone like you. Thank Christ I did...!"

I joined my daughter crawling up his body and leaned in to kiss him softly. "I love you, Terry. Rather here with you than safe somewhere without you..."

He nodded and reached for me, bringing my lips to his as we kissed more deeply. Maia sat up in the grass and watched us, laughing and sticking her fingers between us to make us stop. Terry pulled away and sucked on her sticky little finger. She threw her head back and laughed loudly, pushing her finger in his mouth again for more. It was an inordinately stupid and wonderfully intimate family moment in the midst of this crazy nightmare that seemed to calm us both. We would cope somehow as long as the three of us were together in this symbiotic balance we had created, each member vital for the safety and sanity of the others. I had this odd notion that there was some sort of rational reason for the lessons we were learning, no matter how painful they might be.

It depends how you think of life. Glass half full or empty? Blessings or curses? Bad luck or a chance for growth? Blame someone else or run with the challenge? I knew this much for certain. I'd rather savour a life that was living every moment and learning from every blow.

"Okay...playtime's over," Terry grinned. "Back to Mr. Nasty....although we will be stopping soon for a bit of shopping. I think it's time I changed this shirt... you want to smell my armpits...?"

We both laughed at that and rolled over in the field as he attempted to force my face under his arm. I got up and staggered to my feet to run back to the car, shrieking. He threw Maia over his shoulder and hoisted her back, running and making her giggle with his funny noises. It had been a good talk - even if we hadn't solved a damn thing.

We crossed the border and decided to stop for some lunch, finding ourselves absurdly in Gretna Green, that village which is synonymous with elopements and illicit weddings. It is a pretty little border settlement, quaint and sleepy apart from its other more famous matrimonial function. It is incongruous in the extreme that this gentle town should have acquired its racy reputation in the past merely for the fact that it was the first place you come to if you run out of England and was not subject to English law. Terry took a fit of laughing as we sat in a rather prim little tea shop and had sandwiches and a pot of tea. "Where's the Elvis chapel? Not exactly Las Vegas, is it? Jesus, this is so bloody typical of you Brits. You can't even do cheesy..."

I had to agree with him. Maia did too as she banged her spoon and mashed her sandwich into the tray of the high chair. He sat back smiling and lit up a cigarette, was told off by the proprietor who pointed to a No Smoking sign with a shake of her head and stubbed it out on his saucer.

"Imagine what she'd say if she found out we weren't married? Child out of wedlock, young man...? You are in just the right place...! Next thing she throws me over her shoulder and drags us to the nearest registrar..."

"Throws you over her shoulder...?"I giggled.

"She probably throws the caber for fun...you seen her forearms?" He whispered.

I threw my head back and laughed. "You're mad...what the fuck are we doing here, Tez?"

He shrugged. "Eat up and let's get out of here...I need a cigarette. I don't know. What we doing here? Getting married?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Not now, lover. Do not go all sentimental on me. I can't cope with that as well..."

He shook his head at my remark, grinned and gathered up the bag that he took with him at all times in one hand while hoisting Maia out of the chair with the other. "Quick trip to the supermarket, stock up on supplies, buy her some new clothes and let's hit the road. We've still got a long way to go today..."

"May I know our destination, boss?"

"Glasgow."

Glasgow was not a city with which I was familiar. Terry seemed to have been there before but then he is so acute at directional orientation that it is quite possible he just read the road signs and landmarks somewhat better than I did. Driving through the city streets in the early evening, I was wrestling with Maia who was absolutely bored to tears, ratty and miserable. I think she just wanted to settle down somewhere and have a measure of normality but there was no chance of that for quite a while. She was also teething, recovering from a cold and just generally getting to that stage when she wants to do what she wants to do. So it was not surprising that Glasgow that evening was just a blur to me as I tried to force feed her my nipple and she did her best to bite it off.

Terry finally pulled up at another scabby looking cheap hotel and ducked inside. A few minutes later we were parking in a side street and unloading. The manager of the Clyde Inn, as it was called, looked decidedly dodgy, leered at me creepily and eyed Terry up thoughtfully. I could see his thought processes. He knew we were up to no good as we were hardly his typical clientele. However he took the cash and appeared to keep his opinions to himself. I expect in a dump like this he does that a lot. And I doubt he wanted to tangle with Terry. He was smart enough to work that one out straight off.

The room was clean enough and at least had an en suite. I was less enamoured of the bathroom, however, with its leaky shower over a chipped enamel bath, grimy tiles and a rather grubby looking toilet - but I kept my mouth shut and simply tried to make myself at home. We had asked for a cot. They sent one up. I cleaned it from top to bottom before I would set my baby in it. Maia took a complete fit at the sight of her cradle and howled like a banshee. I ventured sitting her in the bath; she howled even more. I suspect my daughter is already used to easy living and has a taste for five star hotels and luxury over grimy bed and breakfast accommodation. Sensible girl.

Whilst Maia and I continued to wage our war of attrition, Terry continued to ignore us both. He was on his laptop, sifting through old files, and then he made a call, presumably to Dino. I did not hear what he said but I could recognise the direction of the conversation. They appeared to be having a difference of opinion, to put it mildly, and there was a great deal of swearing and raising of his voice before he slammed the phone down and kicked over a chair.

When I returned to the room with a chastened and sobbing little girl wrapped in a towel, I found him by the window smoking thoughtfully.

"What's the matter?" I asked as I rested my head on his arm. He sighed deep and threw the cigarette out of the window, taking Maia and cuddling her to him.

"Dino wants me to meet him somewhere neutral. He's got some more information and details of a safe house. As an extra precaution he doesn't want to meet us there. He's right about that..."

"So? Seems reasonable. Why are you angry?"

"I won't leave you two."

"Then take us with you."

"No...it could be a trap. Dino's the best there is but there's always a chance he'll be followed..."

"We have to take a chance. Things can't stay like this. What did Dino think?"

Maia was calmer now and lulled by a warm bath and her father's arms, she was beginning to nod off. I took her from him and dressed her quickly, sitting back on the bed to feed her. He joined me, lying next to us and stroking her little leg.

"What did Dino suggest?" I repeated, aware that he had ignored my earlier question.

He pulled his lips in that petulant look he has at times but then decided to tell me. "He said that I should send you."

"Me?" I thought about it. If it was a trap, Dino would do his best to take care of me. If it failed then the others were still safe. Better me than him. "He's right."

"No way. There is no way I am using you as bait..."

"I wouldn't be bait. Most likely Dino has this covered. He's as good as you, although you won't trust anyone but yourself, will you?"

At that he made a grunting sound of annoyance. "There is no one else I can trust. If mistakes are made, they will be mine!"

"I know. But to end this we have to reach out. Terry, we need help! There's no way you can solve this alone. It makes sense. On every level. Is that why you are so angry? Because you know it's the only avenue we have?"

I had hit the nail on the head. He looked sharply at me and swung his legs off the bed, striding to the window, snagging his packet of cigarettes and lighting up again.

"Answer me, Terry!"

"You are not going." He turned his back and refused to say anything else. I was more sure than ever that he was making a mistake and that he knew it. Emotion was clouding his judgment, Dino had recognised it, and Terry was struggling against the knowledge himself.

Maia was half asleep, only sucking at intervals in a lazy motion, milk running down the sides of her mouth and a goofy smile on her face. I eased my nipple from her, climbed carefully down off the bed and laid her gently in the baby cot. She wriggled a few times and then quieted, asleep at last.

I walked up to Terry and slipped my hands around his waist, leaning on his back. "I'm the only expendable one. If anything happens to you, we're dead anyway. If anything happens to me, Maia is still safe with you. She is all that matters. You have to take the decision based on all factors. Isolate the ones that either cannot be controlled or are secondary to the main initiative. You told me that. That is how you work. Don't give us anything less than your best, Terry. I won't stand for weakness now. You have to make the right decision and if that means making a choice, then you make it. Or I will..."

"I can't lose you..."

"You won't lose me. It's highly unlikely Dino won't have shaken his trace.  But if he does have someone on him...then we find another way round this..." I moved away and paced up and down thinking. "They know me as well as you presumably..."

"They'll have pictures..."

"Of what? A skinny dark haired woman with a baby who is mostly dressed in jeans and a T-shirt? So, what if Dino goes to some fancy hotel and picks up a tarty blonde hooker in the lounge? I've done it before. Many times, Terry...once for fake...a lot of times for real..." I fixed him squarely in my gaze and forced him to look at me.

He stepped up and grabbed me none too gently by the arms. "I don't ever want you to put yourself in that situation again..." He shook me roughly. I faced him out.

"We talked about using our skills. Like it or not, this is one of mine. I was once a call girl. You know I was. And you know I can change my look so well that even Maia won't recognise me...let alone a bunch of hitmen. It's easy to fool men. They'll see me with their dicks, not their eyes. They're men. And I know what I'm talking about. And so do you. You ever looked at a whore's face?"

The muscles of his face tautened as he struggled against the images I was showing him. I had hurt him. I don't suppose he readily wishes to recall my past, or his own for that matter, nor did he want to have to agree with me. But Terry is above all a professional and I knew logic would win out. We had no other options. Thus any objections to this route were pointless.

"I'll call Dino back." He pulled away from me and I sensed a veil had come down. Some self preservation he carried with him had kicked in to enable him to deal with this.

The plan was quickly drawn. The next evening I was to meet Dino in the bar of the Malmaison hotel in Newcastle. I had to be in place well before he arrived and it would be helpful if I made myself sociable to others before he came in. If the management was watching me carefully already, so much the better. I knew exactly what was meant by that. Terry produced a credit card and driving licence in the name of Amanda Robinson with my picture on it. I gave him a curious look. He just shrugged.

"Hire a car. Drive down tomorrow. Be in place by six thirty. Catching the early evening crowd. Business men after work or their seminars have adjourned, having a drink alone before dinner. Or even in a group. Tomorrow you be at the shops at nine when they open. You have about two hours to buy what you need and get ready. I want you on the road by twelve at the latest. You got that?"

We discussed what I would do and say, how I would appear to spend the night with Dino and then leave early in the morning. It was possible that I would be followed, even if not suspected, just as a matter of precaution. To protect me from that, Dino would have a man on me and if he detected a tail then I was to simply lead the tracker a merry dance, wander round the shops for a few hours and then go to a beauty spa and spend the afternoon there. When I got the word that the coast was clear for me to dump the image, I would emerge as a red head with a totally different look (courtesy of the shopping I had done) then pick up the new car that Dino had arranged for me and make my way to the safe house with the information he had given me - and await Terry and Maia.

I sat down and made a list of what I thought I would need. Then I asked Terry for the use of the laptop. He isn't the only one with research skills. I found the items I wanted, the stores where I would find them and had a route planned within an hour. He nodded, seemed moderately impressed, but said little.

"Get some sleep. You've got a long day ahead."

I went to bed while he settled in front of the laptop doing God knows what. I had a suspicion he was trying to stay away from me and that hurt me a lot. I was scared, much more scared than I was letting on, and I wanted him to hold me, make love to me, help me make it through this long night. I wondered if he was protecting himself or trying to punish me for being right this time. Men can be very odd creatures when their emotional core is attacked. Or was I just being unfair and was he really hard at work planning the next stages so that nothing could go amiss?

I lay quietly and feigned sleep but it would not come. My head was full of thoughts, all mixed up and confused. I was worried about tomorrow. I was anxious about leaving Maia. I was trying to recall every step of our plan as though counting a sort of operational flock of sheep. But into the actual matter in hand kept floating other images and memories, as if taunting me and adding to my unease. There was a recurrent visual of a hotel in New Orleans and another night when we played some undercover games - in rather more ways than one. Then there were the long forgotten ghosts of hotel rooms and apartment blocks, ringing on doorbells and entering rooms where men I did not know had the right to do what they liked to me. Humiliating sexual episodes, faceless and nameless Johns, but always the same ritual. On your knees, suck his dick, part your legs, sit on his face, close your eyes and wonder what perverted craving fed your desire for this abuse and abasement.

It's a long time since I have thought about these things and it was not helping my fear at all to lie there alone in a cold bed and be assailed by them.

Late on, I heard him as he logged off, closed up the lap top and got ready for bed. The cheap mattress sank as he rolled in beside me. I sensed, through eyes squeezed shut and a turned back, him lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. For long moments we kept up that pretence of sleep and then, at the precise same moment, he rolled onto his side and I turned round.

"Tink..."

"Terry..."

We both smiled sheepishly and it broke any ice between us. He pulled me against him and kissed my forehead. "Tink...whatever made me name you that?"

I snuggled up. "I was a butterfly. You couldn't hold me down."

He sighed. "And now you are the one who holds us all down...who would have imagined that?"

"It's called growing up. It just took me a hell of a lot longer that most people. I am a bit retarded in the good sense stakes..."

"Don't you believe it! You always knew what you were doing. You just moved at the speed of fairy light so none of us could keep up with you..."

I chuckled at that. "Well, I'm moving a bit slower these days. Something to do with feet of clay or lead lined boots or such like..."

"Not the chain I've got you on?"

"Ahhh...the chain...roped and tied, hey? Well, this fairy tied it on herself, so she can't really complain, can she? What's your excuse, soldier?"

"Fell in love. Best and worse thing that can happen to a man..."

"Best and worse...Okay...give me worst...."

"...I can never be a single-minded professional without encumbrances again..."

I shrugged. "Best?"

"...I can never be a single-minded professional without encumbrances again..."

He kissed me then and we gave up on talking. I don't suppose either of us really wanted to say all those trite things that we probably should have in case we never got the chance to say them again. But I think we were both superstitious enough to feel that if they were said then they might be needed. If we didn't say them, then we had a reason strong enough to bring us back. Crazy, hey? Not really.

There was nothing that we needed to say with words that either of us didn't know anyway. And if we were in any doubt, our bodies made it abundantly clear that night.

We made love. That's all we did. Just like thousands of people in that big city must have done that night. Tired couples, horny teenagers, passionate lovers, strangers that were passing in the night, and a man and woman who were not sure that they would ever do this again. The same ritual. Just with a meaning entirely of its own.