TERRY

I spent a long while out on the terrace that evening. I needed time to think. Uma was wrestling with Maia who seems to have begun to develop a very definite personality of her own already. Uma said she got it off me, I begged to differ - it was a typical Uma mood. The one where she can't make up her mind what is wrong with her so she just whines anyway. I left them to it and as the crying had settled, I gathered that the two little ladies had come to some sort of understanding and were probably both asleep. That was the main problem; we were all overwrought and exhausted.

My mind drifted over the tale told to us by Heather and Lachlan. Not that he said much. He was quiet and subdued, angry and bitter most of the time; it was a side of him that none of us really recognized. Come to think of it, it was hard to recognize him at all. His face was scarred, lined and his hair was grey-streaked. He was thinner than I remember but shrunken - he looked older than any of us. It was odd really. I had sunk into a state like that when Uma was taken; he seemed to have that reaction now that he was back. I pondered that. I know he was angry that they had been forced into that desperate situation - they had technically both died- but I sensed that a part of him was even angrier to be back.

Oddest thing of all- I reckon I understood.

Just then, Dino wandered out and sat down, leaning forward on the back of a chair. 

"Thought you'd be upstairs changing diapers like a good boy scout..."

I grinned. "Hey...I'm a proud father but I'm still a lazy bastard. That girl has lungs on her that could break glass. I left them to it."

He chuckled. "They doing OK?"

"Yeah...just need to settle down now. We need to go home and just get on with life. This has been too traumatic for her. She's on the edge, I can see that."

"And you're not?" Dino gave me his head tilted.

"I think we all are. But yeah...I have had enough. More than enough. Dino...it's time to do some thinking. Real thinking about the future. We've been kidding ourselves too long."

He nodded but did not venture a comment. "Just got a call. Max is coming over."

"Max? Why? Uma's asleep..."

"It wasn't for Uma. He wants to talk. Which is not a Max-like request, now is it? So when the general gets into talk mode- men listen. Or so I am reliably informed..."

"That so?" I raised my eyebrows and gave him my look- but he simply laughed. I can't get Dino's sympathy with that tack.

"Boys' night in...pardon me if we skip the bluey. I don't somehow think any of us is in the mood..."

"Speak for yourself. It's been fucking months," I grinned and pulled deep on my cigarette. "Curry about?"

Dino shrugged. "Don't know. Looks like he needs about ten years' sleep- Jesus Christ, he's a mess. But, he just got out of a burning plane. Guess none of us were at our best at some of those combat-friendly moments."

"I know. Worried about him. She needs him strong now and he is cracking. Or maybe not. Can't tell. But he's different. He's needs to talk."

"Curry? When does he ever talk about what he feels? He might never shut up but he's no different than any of us. Not when it comes down to it."

"If the general wants to go all confidential then maybe Curry's ready, too. Let's find out, hey?"

So Max turned up a short while later and we sat and had a few shots of malt. I opened a box of cigars. Time to wet the baby's head? I told Max it was an old tradition. He smiled and said he liked it and would remember it when it was his turn. That made us laugh. Not sure why. But I think we were loosening up and getting ready to have a man- to-man. But as we were men, of course, we hadn't got a fucking clue how to start.

Curry wandered in like the ghost of Christmas past, still dragging some imaginary ball and chain. Or was that Jacob Marley? I forget. Tink would know. He leaned against the terrace balcony and looked out at the night, his arms wrapped round him as if for warmth. But it wasn't cold.

"Hey, mate? Scotch? Cigar? We should be celebrating."

He turned and smiled. "Yeah...please...and I am. I've got a lot to be thankful for. I know that."

So there we were. Four guys. Bottle of malt. Box of cigars. Who was going to make the opening gambit?

Max. Well, well, well. What do you know?

"So where to now? For everything has changed and you cannot continue as you once did. This experiment, if such it is, cannot be played when half the participants have worked it out. The data would never be admissible. You will skew the results with your knowledge in future."

I was impressed. "You been taking lessons from Nash?" He grinned that surprisingly boyish grin he rarely uses but the girls all love. Jesus, is he getting to me now, too? "But you hit the nail, mate. We are fucked in this Game now. All of us. But we are here and we owe a lot of people. I'm not sure we have a choice."

Dino stood up and paced about. We watched him. "Way I see it, you got a couple of options. First one. Let the dust settle and it is back to business. Girls ask you. You visit."

"Yeah? What about them? They gonna have other men with our babies in the cradle by the bed? Fuck that." I wish I hadn't said it - but I had.

Dino eyed me up. "It's one option. Group responsibility. Everyone takes a hand. Maybe you take Maia with you and give Uma a break now and then?" I eyed him back and I think he knew my response before I opened my mouth.

"My daughter isn't growing up in some hippy, free-love commune, mate. Think again."

"My son neither." Curry spoke from the shadows, his voice low and bristling with repressed emotion.

He bowed slightly. "OK, gentlemen. Then you pull out. Go home with your women and babies and be normal families. No visits other than purely social. Scrap your lists and make peace with your favourite sisters. But you are no longer available for entertainment, personal services and affectionate interludes. How's that play?"

I groaned. "It will bust this place apart. There are mixed loyalties here. We'll hurt the women really bad."

Maximus helped himself to another shot. "I think it works both ways, Thorne." He fixed me with his glare. I shrugged.

"That leaves us with one other option. We let someone else sort the fucking problem out. The one who, in effect, made it. She." Dino threw that one in. He had our attention now.

"She?" Lachlan asked and came and sat down round the table with us.

"The Almighty herself. Seems like She has all the answers. Let her reset the Game. It's her laboratory. We're the rats. So maybe it is time to get a few new specimens?"

"What the fuck could She do? I'm not having shit to do with Her..." Lachlan spat out as he drained his glass.

"Curry...get real! She can do whatever the fuck She likes. At the moment She is sweet. May even owe us one. And the well being of these children is Her main concern. But...so is the continuation of Her Game. Red's got a point. Max?"

Maximus thought for while. "She means no harm. She merely had her own divine logic. I say it is worth a try. We have nothing to lose- but everything to gain. I'm in if you decide to contact Her."

"Contact Her? How? I'm not lying at Her fucking feet in that flaming Temple again..." Lachlan burst out.

"Shut your fucking mouth before you blow it all, Curry. When someone holds the cards, they hold them and you play ball. I swear if you fuck this up for us with your big mouth..." He held up his hands and I let it go. "Dino...go on...how? How can we get to her? She wouldn't talk in the Temple..."

Dino sat down and joined his hands in thought, biting his lip. That means he's dangerous. He has an idea. "She used the Internet from Day One to draw the women together via a website.  She spoke to Uma. How? IM. So. We IM Her. Ever known a woman who gets a call and doesn't pick up the phone?"

Which is why four grown men were hovering around Dino's computer with two laptops also engaged and a palm pilot. We gave that to Curry. It made us laugh- even he grinned. So we logged on. Dino first:

Dino: Dea? Or should I call you goddess?

There was a pause. A long one. We watched the screen. Curry giggled. He was playing some computer game. I thumped his arm and he shrugged. He could pretend but he was as keen as we were. Then suddenly that trill and the orange tab.

DEA: I have many names. They mean nothing to me. Why do you presume to summon me?

Dino: Feel like a group chat? Got some guys here really want to meet you...

Maximus choked on his Scotch. I snorted and Lachlan giggled helplessly. Better watch him; the drink was getting to him and he was starting on another bottle already.

DEA: Why would I wish to speak to you? What are you to me?

DINO: I think we are your chosen ones. Or did we get that wrong?

Another long pause. My, my, She was having to think.

DEA: Invite them. Or should I? Isn't that how it is done in this Game? A woman calls and you obey?

DINO: Sorry Goddess lady, but I already asked them.

Curry muttered, "You'd be begging me for it, Goddess bitch, if I had you underneath me...."  Maximus intervened and whispered something in his ear. Lachlan glanced across and glared back - but subsided.

And so it began. Our pleasant little tete-a-tete. Now, I have done some negotiating in my time but this had to take the cake. Four drunken men and the Mother fucking goddess of them all. I mean, I have had cards stacked against me in the past but never quite as definitively as this. But, hey, I'm a player. Just make sure I have plenty of smokes. And she's my daughter. The ace fucking card in the hole. And Tristan is Lachlan's son. So brave new world. Who's dealing here?

We sat at our terminals and chewed the fat. Max pulled thoughtfully on his cigar and said little. Dino kept it together. I sharpened my teeth. Lachlan began to take more notice, sitting up edgily and muttering to himself.

DEA: Speak

TERRY: We have a proposition for you. For the good of your Game. We can't go back- you know that as well as we do. We sussed it out. Nothing more we can give. Game's over, honey.

DINO: Or are there two things going down here? The Game and something else? What can we call it? The Promised Land. Canaan? Flowing with milk and honey...and little babies for your new experiment?

DEA: Put your request. I do not need you to tell me what is in my mind.

MAXIMUS: They seek your answer. They do not know how to approach you. What would you do to set both existences aright? What have your people ever done but served you? Are the innocent to be punished for doing your will?

DEA: No one shall suffer. That is not my intent.

LACHLAN: Jesus Christ? You hung him on the cross for his own good, love?

DEA: You are reckless, Lachlan. It is your fortune that I favour you so much. Must I remind you that you, your woman AND your little babe draw breath only because of me?

Lachlan grimaced but I could see his mind turning over. He had chosen Heather; Heather had chosen him. They had walked into the inferno together - and she had pulled them back out. He knew it, too.

DINO: We await your decision, my lady.

DEA: You try to hurry me? In my time. And my time is endless. 

TERRY: Well, mine isn't. The offer is on the table but there is a deadline. You come up with a divine plan and we follow it. Or we take it into our own hands. And then heads will roll. Of that there is no doubt.

DEA: How refreshing to meet humans with courage. It is what keeps your life blood still pounding through your body. Do you know that, Terry Thorne? Do you know how many times you have thrown your life away for me to pull YOU back? Or her? Or what might have happened on that plane the other night?

I think it was only then that the enormity of it all; the whole coincidence and serendipity, the bad calls and the shitty luck, the disappointments and the hopelessness,  the chance offered when all other things had failed....my life...suddenly was laid before me in some sort of blinding sense. Our lives. Maximus pulled from the jaws of death. Lachlan the same- twice. Uma and her downward spiral halted by a combination of her own crazy logic and a new start. Heather and the coin that linked three generations- lives saved so that others could now live. Dino's vital presence in the lives of so many of us...

TERRY: I apologise. I owe you everything. I know that. But I am desperate. We are desperate. There are so many lives affected here. Not just us. The others. We want it to be fair for all. We cannot simply take for ourselves and walk over the feelings of those we care about.

DEA: It will be done. I will think on it. But first- the women. They must be part of this. I did not do this merely to hand power back to a male dominated world again.

MAXIMUS: Thy will be done. We shall obey your decrees.

DEA: Tomorrow. I will answer. And before that...you ensure that you have all made your peace. For when I move; my will is fixed and no power on this earth or under heaven shall undo it! But remember this. There can be no winners and losers in the end. Some will win and some will lose on the way but somewhere each will have the reward that is deserved. This is my promise.

And she was gone. We carried on staring at the screen for long moments, each dealing with our reactions in different ways. Maximus was very still, sort of inward looking, Dino was thinking, resting his head on his joined hands, Lachlan sitting, hands on his knees and head hung low. Me? My leg was jigging about and my scar was in for some serious action. We each logged off and took a break.

LACHLAN

After our little powwow broke up, I went straight up to our room.  I was a bit buzzed and needed the loo, but what I needed most was to touch my family.  To make sure they were still there, safe and sound.  I did my business, still shaking my head at the convenience of modern plumbing.  Hot water directly from the taps to wash my hands.  I still hadn't gotten used to it yet.

I set aside the drink I'd carried up with me and went to them.  Heather was asleep on the bed, curled on her side.  Tristan lay next to her, swaddled in a soft blanket.  The blue shawl I'd given her covered them both.  It still carried the scent of our old home.  Some blend of the scirocco and of the homemade lavender perfume she'd taken to wearing.  Both of them had their fingers wrapped in it.  Like a child's comfort cloth.  It was an image that made me smile. 

Tristan was quiet but awake.  Heather was exhausted but still stirred in her sleep when I took him into my arms.  "Shh.... it's just me, Blue.  You're safe.  I'm here."  I smoothed her hair back and covered her over.

I knew she wanted me to come to bed.  We all slept better that way.  I kissed her cheek and then settled in the chair by the bed, softly rocking our little son.  "Can't sleep?" she whispered.

"Nah... it's not that.  We're having a bloke's night downstairs...."  I smiled at her but didn't take my eyes off Tristan.  "Couldn't very well leave the littlest bloke out, now could I?"  She smiled at my teasing and sighed gently, snuggling back down into the cozy bed.  "I just wanted a kiss and a cuddle."  She 'Mmmmed' contentedly at my soft admission.  "I'll be up soon, love.  You just close your eyes... I'll tuck Tristan back in beside you before I go."

She sighed again, heavier this time and then relaxed utterly under my watchful eye.  I cuddled Tristan close and whispered a father's secrets into his little ears while his Mum slept on.  I felt his soft breath on my cheek.  It smelled sweet, like milk and warm little baby.  Reckon he was giving his secrets into my ears?  I think he was.   

These last few days had been golden indeed.  We were lucky to have the others looking out for us.  We'd retreated from everyone.  Heather and I, we'd needed time together alone with our baby.  Not a single one of them bothered us save for the doctor who'd checked us over the morning after we'd arrived.  Diagnosis?  Exhaustion, mostly.  Heather was anemic, but otherwise fine.  He told us to get some food and sleep and wrote her a prescription for iron pills. 

Someone filled it for us.  It appeared outside our door along with everything else we needed.  Food.  Clothes.  Diapers for Tristan.  Baby blankets.  Toiletries.  Mostly we just slept.  Talked.  Soaked in the tub.  Enjoyed being clean and warm, with bellies full of good food and feeling safe for the first time in months. 

We emerged early on the third day, ready to face the world again and grateful for the care and consideration they'd shown us.  I owed them more than I could say.  And it was time for me to make my peace with all of them.  I kissed Tristan and laid him back beside his Mum.  Kissed her too and covered them back over with the shawl, waiting until they both settled before I slipped quietly out the door. 

TERRY

Needless to say we all needed to take a leak, so I ran upstairs to our room. I wanted to check on the girls anyway; I needed the reassurance. The room was in darkness so I moved quietly through to the bathroom. Back in the bedroom, I took a look at Uma, flat out on her face, exhausted. Placing my hand on her, I stroked back her hair gently and touched her forehead with my lips; she stirred slightly but settled back to sleep. In the little cradle by the bed, lay Maia, also deeply asleep, her little hands curled up by her face and her tiny chest rising and falling in sleep. I placed my hand on her little head lightly. Felt the heat rising and the pulse of her brain through the tender softness of her fontanel. If I needed a reason, I had it now. Here in this room was all the reason any man needs.

"Terry?" I heard her voice and saw her struggle up to a sit. "Come to bed...what time is it?"

"Late."

"Come to bed."

"That an offer?" I sat down and eased her back. "Go to sleep, I'll join you soon. I'm having a drink with the blokes." She obediently curled up, too exhausted to do much more than comply. I stroked her head a few times until her breathing grew regular-  and left.

Outside, I walked into Curry, wandering about in that daze he seems to have been in since he arrived back. "OK, mate?"

LACHLAN

I ran into Terry in the upstairs hall.  I think he must have been waiting for me.  I knew he was after me to talk.  I knew I needed to as well, but I hadn't wanted to get into it downstairs.  Not in front of the others.  With Terry was different.  He's probably the closest thing I'd ever have in this World to a real brother.  And also the only one of them who might have some inkling of where I was coming from.     

He nodded toward the door I'd just closed softly behind me.  "How are they?"

"Good, I think.... tired.  She's sleeping.... he's...."  perfection.  I just smiled but didn't finish that thought.  Reckon I didn't need to.  My son is nothing short of a gift from God.  I gestured to the door he'd just closed.  "And yours, mate?"

He didn't answer.  Just smiled.  Typical.  "Maybe we should take a leaf from their book, hey?"  

I nodded.  "Not a bad idea."  Assuming, of course, I could sleep.  I didn't have to say it for him to hear it.  He knew what I meant.  Between the trauma we'd both been through in recent days and the uncertainty over our future, we'd both had our share of sleepless nights.

Terry raised his eyebrow at me.  "Something keeping you awake?"

I eyed the gorgeous interior of Dino's home.  "Hunt for a place I can smoke?"  Typical male banter.  Dancing around what really needed to be said.  Terry tossed over his pack, gave me a second to pull out a fag and then tossed over the lighter as well.  "Thanks, mate."   We wandered outside to the small balcony off the upstairs hall.  He threw himself down in one of the chairs and put his feet on the railing.  I leaned back and looked up at the night sky as I lit up.  God, I'd missed decent cigarettes. 

He just shook his head at my obvious enjoyment.  "Bad for your health, you know?"  Didn't bloody stop him from lighting up, though.  "Smoking kills...."    

I pulled a face.  "That's not the only thing, hey?"

"You should know."  He fired that one right back.  "Even Jesus only came back once, Flip."

I took a deep drag and gave him a look.  "You're bloody inquisitive tonight, mate."  I turned around, set my drink beside me and rested my forearms on the railing as I looked out toward the ocean.  "Something on your mind, Thornie... or am I just lucky?"  I grinned at my own morbid little joke.  Lucky, lucky, lucky, hey?   

He snorted.  "Not like me at all, is it?" No, it wasn't.  

"Reckon there's a lot of that going around lately."  I blew out a stream of smoke.  "Dino allowing the pack of us to roost in this private place of his.... Max wanting to spend an evening chatting..."  I purposefully skipped over the two of us. 

"And Lachlan Curry being his usual charming self."

Touché.  "Well, you know me.  I hate to disappoint the ladies...." 

He pushed his chair back on two legs.  "I hate to disappoint you- but we're all blokes tonight.  So let's cut the crap, hey?"

I nodded but didn't say anything.  He was right and I knew it.  I took a big drag and an even bigger slug from my glass.  I knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. 

He gave it to me straight.  "Are you going to fuck this up now?"  I smiled out at the night.  You can't say the man isn't direct.  "How near are you to losing it... or is this just some passing phase you're going through?"  I heard him take a deep drag.  "I mean- I like to know what I'm dealing with." 

I knew what he meant, but said instead: "You mean that shit downstairs?"  I know he hadn't appreciated a few of my more off color comments.

"That and a few other things."  

Fair go.  I took an aggressive drag.  "Well, Max won't need to sober me up in the shower tomorrow, if that's what you're worried about."  I gave him a pointed look.  He ignored it.

"Let me put this in words of one syllable.... You fucking died, mate, she did too.... You are the fucking luckiest bastard in this place-"  I wondered if he'd have been as certain of that if it had been Uma who'd bled to death.  Somehow, I can't see him thanking Dea for that.   

"Look, mate... I haven't come this far to fuck it up now, all right?  I know I'm lucky."  I watched the smoke curl up from the end of my cigarette and struggled a bit as the stranglehold I had on my emotions slipped a little.  We were beyond lucky.  I knew that.  But we had to die to get to this place.  Pretty fucking high price to have had to pay for it. 

"So what are you gonna do... blame everyone cos you think it nobler to go out in a blaze of glory or perhaps see that there might be something at work here that is on your side."  Like I didn't know that?  "Mate, you got the chance- the fucking ultimate chance- you know, I mean for sure... no doubts... you chose it... how many of us get that in life?"

Whoa.  Blame everyone?  "I'm only blaming one 'person'...."  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "And it's the same one I'm beholden to for saving her life.  Mine too."  Pretty hard thing to admit.  Harder still to do.  The dying was the easy part.  It was thanking her for it that was hard.   I said nothing and he didn't cut me any slack.  Not that I expected him to, but it still got on my tits.

"You know what you sound like?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."  I just grinned and waited for it.  There's no use arguing with him when he's on about something.

"Me at fifteen.... I didn't ask to be born... it's your job to give me everything I need... Like a fucking big kid to his mother when she won't give him a raise in his pocket money." 

I stared out at the night.  "It won't work, you know... winding me up."  We both laughed.

"Neither did that.  She just whacked me with the dishcloth."

"Mine used a wooden spoon."  It's funny the things you recall that bond you to another person.  He was so like Angus.  Jesus.  He could have grown up round our table.  In some ways, it almost felt like he had.   

"Tough love, hey Lach?"

"I reckon so."

He gave me a look.  "Ever thought it might have been that?"

I shrugged.  "My dad believed it.  Said it was the worthy who got the hardest challenges."

"Well, he certainly did.  Lost two sons."

It was on the tip of my tongue to say he only lost one... and then I realized he was right.  The second was me.  I never think of myself that way.  Dead.  I forget to them, to my Mum and Dad, I am dead.  Jesus.  Losing two sons.  I thought of losing Tristan and swallowed hard around the lump in my throat.  "I can't see how he managed."

"Do you reckon he did?  Or did he just wander around shouting the odds?"   

I rubbed a hand over my face.  "What choice did he have?"

"What choice do you have?  What choice do I have?"

I turned around and have him a hard stare.  He didn't understand, and frankly, I wasn't sure I could explain it adequately.  I've never been easy using words to express what's in my heart.  "Look, mate.... this is not about me feeling sorry for myself or pissing into the wind because I didn't get my way."  I didn't appreciate his allusions to the fact that I was some sort of a child throwing a tantrum.   

"I never thought it was.  But you are angry."  Fucking right I am.  "So full of anger it's blinding you."

He was wrong but I didn't bother arguing.  "And if Dea had let Uma bleed to death?  If she'd taken you from your family?"

"No, you let that happen."  For a brief moment, anger flared wildly inside me.  I wanted to put his arse in my plane and let him live what I had.  Let him walk in my shoes and then tell me I fucking LET it happen.  "Both of you took that chance... it's called free will... and she took you and saved you both."

The real stink of it was he was right.  We'd set it all in motion that snowy afternoon I put a baby inside her.  We knew what we were risking.  I wasn't angry because of the consequences of the choices we made.  I was angry because we'd played the game by the rules Dea had given us.... made our choices, and our peace, and had it all ripped away. 

He simply couldn't understand.  He'd never been a Mayfly.  Dea had saved us both, restored Tristan to us.  He's right about that.  But nobody knows better than I do the kind of price she demands for her most precious gifts.  What would it cost this time?  Hadn't we suffered enough?  What if it was my fate to lose them again?  I wasn't sure how many graceful flights this Mayfly had left in him.

I took a long, hard look at myself.  Exactly why was I so angry?  Part of it was the rage any man feels when he is helpless to save the ones he loves.  But I think what angered me most was that we'd played the game within the boundaries she'd constructed and she'd changed the rules on us in the final moments.  I wasn't railing at the rules.  I'd fucking played by her rules.  I wasn't blaming anyone because I didn't get the outcome I wanted.  I'd accepted responsibility for my own choices.  I wasn't pissing into the wind because she'd changed the rules in the last few seconds.  I'd even accepted that now.  I was simply standing here saying one thing.

I am done playing.  

I wasn't about to advertise it, though.  And I was tired.  And angry.  And so I was belligerent.   I'm not the first man among us to fly false colors, hey?  Reckon I won't be the last, either.  But Terry deserved the truth.  I just wasn't sure how to tell them, how to tell these men who were my Brothers that I wanted out.  I nodded curtly.  "Look, I might say some shit, mate, but I wouldn't ever do anything," I gestured back toward our room- to Heather and to Tristan, and to Uma and Maia too, "that put them in danger."    

"Lachlan, I'm on your side.  What happened to both of you was more than any man and woman should have to endure, but we have to make some very, very important decisions, and mate, I need you clear thinking and strong."  He raked a hand through his hair and blew out hard.  "Cos I am only just holding on and I can't do this on my own... Lachlan... can I count on you?  Are you going to buck up and take this by the collar and shake it 'till it rattles its bones?"

I nodded, aware I'd done Terry a disservice with my questionable behavior.  I wasn't floundering.  I knew exactly where I was.  And what I wanted.  And I could see he needed me on his side as much as I needed him.  "Rest easy, Terry.  There's nothing wrong with my mind.... reckon she returned that along with the rest of me."  He grinned.  I did too.  "And it's clearer than it has been in months."       

"That's all I needed to know, mate.  Look... I'm worried about you."  He played with his scar. 

"You haven't cornered the market on that, you know."  Worry for them was a constant weight on my mind. 

He gave the drink in my hand a look.  "Just go easy on the bottle... and don't wind her up."  He grinned.  "That's my job."

I chuckled.  "Just because I'm pissed off doesn't mean I'm pissed, nor does it mean I'm not paying attention to every fucking thing that's been said, mate."  I didn't know how to tell him I'd only let myself drink as I had tonight because I felt safe here.  I could count on him and Max and Dino to help me watch over my family.  For one night, I didn't have to stand guard alone.  I laughed.  "Besides, I couldn't drink enough of this crap malt of Dino's to ever get that rat-arsed."           

"Good, then we're apples."  I took another smoke from his pack and tossed it back to him.  Admired the lighter for a moment and then tossed that back too.

"What about you, mate?  You doing alright with all this?"  I waved a hand dismissively, a bit iffy about asking... but I was worried about him too. 

He'd gone from playing with his scar to playing with his lighter.  "I need concretes, Lach.  Things I can get my head round... this shit is just beyond me.  I want to know that I have some control over my life, over the lives of my family.  I just want to live my life without wondering if some bloody ton weight is gonna drop.  I mean- is that too fucking much to ask?" 

His words touched me.  We went about it differently, but we wanted the same thing.  No more games.  I grinned darkly.  "Well, seeing as how I'm making such a habit of it... on my next pass by the bloody piper, I'll put a round in him, hey?"

"Between the eyes, mate.  He's had enough off me and he's not getting any bloody more."  He went silent for a moment.  No more laughing.  No more jokes.  Time to lay all our cards on the table.  I felt it too.  "Curry, let me ask you something before we join the others... cos, mate, they might not see it like you and me."

I nodded.  "Shoot."

"What do you want?  If you could have anything you wanted and no other fucker mattered apart from you, Heather and the little lad?  What would you do?"       

"Shoooo...."  Moment of truth.  "Simple."  I made my voice soft.  "We'd already made our peace, mate.  Neither of us wanted to come back.  We just wanted to be a family."

"That simple, hey?"

"That simple."  I looked up at the stars.  "Little house back home in Cloncurry.... picket fence... bit of grass for my boy to play on... maybe a dog.  Simple pleasure, Terry."  I sighed.  "No more portals."  I paused a moment and then decided to just say it.  He deserved to hear it all.  "No more visits."  He didn't say anything.  He looked like he wanted to, though.  I swirled my drink in my glass.  "And you?"

"I used to think I wasn't like other men.... that I didn't need what they needed... that was when I needed it more than ever, but I was just too blind to see....  But I've got it now.  And that's all I want.  Nothing else.  Simple pleasures.  What's mine."

I nodded.  I knew exactly what he meant.  

"Jesus, Flip.  I reckon I did drink more than I thought.  Did I just say that?  Answer a direct question?"

We had a laugh.  "I think you did, mate."  I looked away.  "I think it was a flaming good answer, too."

"You realize what we have just admitted?"  I did.  And it felt good to finally tell someone.  Especially someone who understood.  "You realize the consequences?  What about the others?"

"Now there's something concrete for you to wrap your mind round."

He chuckled.  "Too right."

I turned and leaned back against the railing.  "Though I think you ought to be more worried about that than me, old chap."

"Why me?"

I had to laugh at that.  "Cos nobody gives two shits about me."

He rolled his eyes.  "Bring out the fucking violins."  We shared a laugh but he knew what I meant.  I didn't have the same kind of romantic entanglements that he did.  In the years since I'd crossed, discounting Uma  (with whom I'd already made my peace) I could count the number of visits I'd had on one hand.  And have fingers left over.  I wasn't complaining.  To be honest, I preferred it that way.  I am, and will always be, old fashioned when it comes to matters of the heart.

Terry smiled wryly.  "Count yourself lucky, Biggles."  He stared off into space.  Pulled pretty intensely at his scar.  "Christ.... How did I get myself into this?"   

I snorted.  That one was too good to let pass.  "Cos the girls always go for the pitiful ones, mate.  Want to reform you.  Save you from yourself.... all that crap."

His response surprised me.  "I used to be the guy who watched everyone else getting the girl while I sat at the bar drinking, you know?"

"Yeah?  Now who needs violins?"  I razzed him but nodded.  I knew what he meant- but we were men.  We'd never be all Oprah with each other.

"Fuck off.... I was being philosophical."  I encouraged him to keep talking and he did.  "I didn't have sweet girls falling for me right, left and center.... I mean, I got plenty... but, you know...."

I nodded and gestured to the room where Uma was sleeping.  "Reckon you found the one you were supposed to go home with after all, hey?"

"Well, actually.... she found me.  I'd still have been sitting at the bar picking up a tart for the night."

I laughed aloud.  "Still beats the way I met Heather."

He grinned.  "Hey- no story needs that one.  Tristan:  Daddy?  What was Mummy doing when you first saw her?  Daddy:  Fucking uncle Terry."  He started laughing, the bastard.  "I'm sorry... but it makes me laugh every time I think of it."  His laughter quieted.  "When I'm not squirming, that is."

I shook my head and chuckled.  Pulled a face at the mental image that story always called up for me.  "Makes you squirm?  I'm still having nightmares about it."

We shared a moment that didn't need words.  I loved his girl.  He loved mine.  But we'd long since sorted that mess out.  "But... seriously.... are we missing something here?"  He waved his hand in the direction of our sleeping girls.  "What will they say if we put it to them?  What do you think?  They also have a lot to lose."

"They do."

"What does it really come down to?  Those two down there?"  He gestured down to where Dino and Max were smoking cigars some distance away on the terrace down below.

"What other choice is there?"

"Put like that- no choice at all."  He flicked his lighter open and shut.  "But Max and Dino... they paid their dues, mate...  what do they get in return?"

I threw myself back against the wall behind me.  "They get the short end of the stick.  They get fucked."

"Again."

"Again."  I echoed.  "Pretty shitty thing to do to them."  That was the other reason I was angry.  There was no way forward that wouldn't hurt somebody Heather or I cared about.   

Terry straightened up, like he'd made some sort of decision in his mind.  "It's already done.  We did it eight months ago... and as I recall, the girls did it too."

I nodded.  He was right.  "It just took a while for it to sink in, didn't it?"  I thought of our last holiday.  Heather with Terry- and Uma with me.  We had tried to make it work... but I think deep down we knew it wouldn't.  I'd never wanted to share Heather with anyone.  And now that she was mother to my child?  Not a snowball's chance in hell, mate.  We'd been fooling ourselves to ever think this could work.     

Terry fixed me with a serious look.  "Lachlan, be honest- how much have you ever felt comfortable with it?"

I blew out and thought of how to answer.  "I would have liked it better at seventeen."  Now that I was a man who'd given his heart in love....  "Now it's just...."  I pulled a face.  "My life is not a game, mate."  I gave him a serious look too.  "You?"

"Yeah... you're right.  It never was.  But I come from a different generation than you.  It was easier for me to play."

I grinned at that.  "A man's still a man...."  There would always be a prurient part of us that the idea of multiple partners appealed to.  But finding love had overridden that.  And making a family had rendered that lifestyle impossible for us now.  And he was right.  I'd never been comfortable with it. "You're right about that, though.  I fought being here since day one."  I am not a sex toy or a lapdog.  I am a man with a mind and heart of my own.  And a bloody big helping of pride as well.     

He looked away.  "I never expected to find love... straight up, mate.  I just thought it wasn't gonna fall on my plate."

"Some golden moment."

"I mean for a bloke like me, this place was paradise...  Great women.  Friendship.  I could come and go as I pleased... It was so much more than I had had before."  He stood and faced me.  "You never wanted that, did you?"

I shook my head.  "No, not for a long, long time, mate.  I just wanted someone to love who loved me back the same way.  Just one."

"Just one." He echoed.

"Fair dinkum."

He clapped me on the shoulder.  "So, that's us sorted then, hey?  That just leaves the two in there and the two down there.... and the rest of our beloved family who will have plenty to say about this."

I snorted.  "Christ, mate.... you say that like it's going to be hard."    

"Piece of piss, mate.  They whinge, I change the subject...."

"Reckon I like my way better."  Terry looked over.  

"Which is?"

"Belligerence, a smart mouth, and making it seem as if I'm not quite all there."  I grinned.  "Cos if you think for one moment my head wasn't in this game, you're out of your bloody mind."

Before Terry could answer, Dino's voice floated up from below.  "If you ladies are done up there... I've got this sweet little malt down here that's just begging to be cracked....." 

When we got back downstairs, Terry grabbed the bottle off the bar and poured a few fingers in Dino's glass, less in mine, the bastard- and then he wandered outside with it for a few words with Max.  I hung back, hoping to catch a word with Dino- even though I hadn't the slightest idea how to start or what to say.  He was standing with his hands on his hips, looking out at the trees.  He didn't say anything, but the look on his face seemed to say he knew I wanted to talk.  Fucking smartarse negotiators.

He reached for his drink and cocked his head at me, gesturing to the floor above with his eyes.  "How are they?"

We'd only emerged from our room this morning.  Her contact with everyone had been limited.  "Resting comfortably, mate."  I paused.  "Thank you."  There was a brief flash of something across his face as he acknowledged my thanks.  Pleasure?  Contentment?  I wasn't sure.  Still, it was clear he liked having her in his care.  Under his roof.  Eating his food.  Resting in a place he'd provided.  I couldn't blame him.  Nor did I want to.  It was all he had left now. 

He smiled and nodded.  "Good.  If there's anything they need..."

Our eyes met and a wordless acknowledgement passed between us.  I also hadn't missed the nature of the things he had provided.  He knew the brand of shampoo she used.  The kind of perfume she wore.  Her dress size.  Her bra size.  It spoke to the depth of the intimacy they'd shared.  I felt for him.  I wasn't about to give her up for anything.... but that didn't blind me to what this was like for him.  I remember how it felt to walk away from Lil.  That's probably why I was struggling so much with this conversation.  Well, that and I've always been the kind of man who gets other men to talk.  I rarely talk myself.  Not about matters of the heart. 

We just stared at each other while the silence became more uncomfortable.  I owed him so much.  And the knowledge that I was about to fuck over someone who'd been so good to her, to all of us, rested heavily on my heart.  But I was still prepared to fight my corner.  Nobody would come between me and my family.  Nobody. 

He just shook his head and smiled wryly.  "So, isn't this the part where the two men fight it out?  You tell me to lay off and I say make me?"  He just laughed at my startled expression.  "Well.... here's the juice.  I'm not gonna."  He took sip from his glass and gave me a look.  "First up- I'd bust your fucking balls on a good day.  And today?  You look about as dangerous as Mayberry's blessed Aunt Bea.  And secondly- if I were you, I'd be making plans for a sharp exit from paradise.  So let's cut the crap and talk, all right?"                 

I was suddenly glad he was a smartarse negotiator.  I dropped into a chair and rubbed a hand over my face.  He might have been trying to put me at ease, but his eyes still lingered on my face.  The scar.  The gray in my hair.  I knew I looked different.  It made a difficult situation that much harder, but I knew there were things I needed to say.  I am not the sort to like unfinished business.  Especially with someone I respect. 

So, I took a big slug for courage.... and for once, I just talked.  Let it come out.  The things I owed him.  That I knew he was a decent guy.  That I knew he could have made things harder.  I fucking would have.  That I appreciated what he'd done.  That I knew he was getting a raw deal.  That I knew I was a selfish bastard.  That I felt sorry for him- but that I wasn't about to give up my family.  Not for him. 

Not for anyone.  

I spoke as plainly as I could.  Forced myself to say the things men - rivals - just don't say to each other.  My honor and my conscience demanded it.  Because the bottom line is that I couldn't walk away from this without acknowledging my happiness came at someone else's expense.  At least, that's what I tried to do.

He let me talk for a few minutes and then held up his hands, interrupting my rambling.  "You're doing the right thing, you know.  I agree with you.  You can't stay here now."  He swirled the amber fluid in his glass but didn't drink.  "And I don't want her in the Game.  Not now."  That one statement told me more about his true feelings for her than anything else.  He shrugged.  "OK.... so I get the short straw.  There were some pretty good moments along the way."  This time he did drink back a healthy swallow.  "And you know what?  I'd do it all again just for those."                 

I didn't know what to say.  Words always fail me when I'm moved deeply.

He cocked his head and looked at me.  "You ever regretted it?  Ever wished you'd never met Lil?"

I got his meaning.  "Not one bloody time."

"Same here."  He stood.  I did too.  He faced me, all pretense stripped away now.  "She's in good hands.  So are you."  That wry smile of his was back.  "Ain't that how it ends?"

I smiled back.  "Actually, I think it ends like this..."  I stuck out my hand.  We shook and then pulled each other close into one of those bear hugs men do that are somehow both awkward and heartfelt.  

Both of us reached for our drinks after and wandered back over to the bar.  He was still smiling.  "Don't get too choked up, Curry.  I have heard life is unpredictable.  That you never know where it will take you from one moment to the next."  I laughed.  "Hey, I'm an optimistic man.  If they can sort out a sad sack like you, I figure I'm in with a chance somewhere down the line...." 

Now, isn't that the truth?  If an old Mayfly like me can get a second chance to feel the sun on his wings, surely a good man like him would get his day in the sun too.   

TERRY

Maximus was on the deck when I walked back in, staring out onto the canyon view below. We were alone for the time being; Curry was talking with Dino inside. I carried over the bottle and refilled his glass. He tipped it and drank.

"She looks well. Better than one would have imagined in the circumstances. I was worried for her. Such a slender girl...one always expects..."

I cut him off. I wasn't ready yet to chat about the events of Maia's birth, especially not with him. "She was fine. Like podding peas, mate."

He gave me his supercilious look, hardly convinced. "Easy for you to say. Were you with her?"

"Yeah." That was enough detail. He paused and I  sensed that he was controlling his temper although you would not have read that from his overt behaviour. "Look, mate, I appreciate what you did. I appreciate it more than you know but...this was inevitable...If we hadn't been wearing blinkers for the last year we would have all worked this out a long time ago. I realize that this dumps on you, mate, but in the circumstances, the choice was already made..."

"Do you insert 'mate' into every sentence as an anaesthetic to what you are saying? I find it very irritating..." he remarked, turning his head away and looking out onto the night, annoyance no clearly evident.

"It's a national trait, mate," I replied. "Like you saying 'Hail Caesar' or something." His glance could have cut diamonds.

"Is there a purpose in you seeking me out tonight or are you merely here to reinforce your victory?"

"Victory? She's not a fucking theatre of war, Max. She hears you talking like that and you are in the shits, mate."

"I never regarded her as such. It was you who made this into a combat," he fired back.

I swore under my breath and lit up, unwilling to let him draw me into one of his little philosophical debates. He's had two thousand fucking years to perfect that particular method of disputation.

"I'm not gloating- but I am telling you this. I've made my decision and I don't think she's going to question it this time. I know it will affect you more directly than anyone else - and I just wanted to say that I am sorry for that."

He nodded and sat down, placing his joined fingertips to his lips, pausing to think, stroking his beard, shifting in his seat. I realized it then- he fidgets, too- even ice-cold Maxie has to keep his hands busy at awkward moments. "I want you to do it. It is the best thing for all of you... for all three of you. The alternative would never work- I know that. As for me--- my role is accomplished. It is my fate. We do not choose our fate but we are wise to accept it."

"Like you accepted your fate back then?" I queried, pushing him on purpose- not to hurt but to try and understand from where his Stoic acceptance stemmed. I was not entirely convinced by it.

"Yes, my fate was to kill Commodus and then to die to my world. And then---what? To enter Elysium? I wonder is this place the Islands of the Blest or the Halls of Rhadamanthus himself? Or perhaps some other netherworld between the two, where punishment is reward and reward is punishment?" he muttered obliquely.

"You've lost me, mate," I answered, with a pretty shrewd idea of what he was getting at.

"Good, then perhaps you will stop trying to assess me like a vulnerable client. I'm not here to be analysed by you - or by anyone."

I grinned at that. "Not sure you'd hit any parameter for reactive behaviour that I'm familiar with..."

Maximus joined me with a smile of his own. "Too right, mate." He aped my accent- the smug bastard. "Terry---go! Take your family. It is the will of the gods and my wish for you all. But know this. I will love her until the day I die and believe that one day I will see her again in that place where all things are possible. Of that I have no doubt."

At that I conceded the point. I had no right to deny either of them that they had felt love and that it was not a commodity that could begin or end at my will. "S'gonna be crowded for you up there, mate, the way you're going..." I smiled ruefully.

Maximus laughed. "I believe that is why they call it Paradise! Perhaps these Christians have the right of it after all. Maybe we do each receive what we deserve in the end. The gift for a life well lived. Who knows? The older I get the less differences I see between cultures and religions, past and present, even men and women. In the final analysis- God, Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Jupiter... Dea...." he shrugged and did not finish. He did not need to finish. With a slight bow to show that he wished to draw this little heart-to-heart to a close, he moved back into the room where we joined the others.