December 2002

Sadie was in her office working when they burst in. It was like some scene from the Sopranos. Two burly men barged in followed by a tall good looking dark-haired guy in a suit and then Russell entered wearing dark glasses, a baseball cap, jeans and a T-shirt. It was a hot day.

"Mrs. Bartoli?"

Sadie looked up in shock. "What the..."

"It's OK, Sadie. They're just my people." Russell put his hand up to warn her.

"Trying to be incognito, are you? No one could possibly recognise you in that get-up with these inconspicuous mates of yours."

Russell grinned. "We came in the back door. Quit whinging, Sades. This is important." He introduced two of the men. "This is Mark, He's my chief of security and well, a good mate. We can trust him. This is Peter Falacci. He's a lawyer. Works for my investment team."

"I don't understand. What's this about?" Sadie was confused and uncertain, warning bells sounding. Russell was in command-mode and she was about to be steam-rollered.

The young, dark haired man spoke up. "Signora?" His accent sounded Italian. "I'm Pete Falacci." He was clearly an Aussie. "Mr. Crowe has asked me to look into the custody case surrounding your daughter, Giovanna, with a view to applying through the courts to have her returned to you."

Sadie looked at Russell. "This is nothing to do with you! How dare you tell other people things that I have confided in you? I don't need your help!"

He walked up to her and took her hands in his, lowering her back into the chair. "Sadie, you do need my help. Ask for it or not, I am about to give it to you. These men can be trusted. For Christ's sake, they know enough about me to ruin my career permanently should they so choose. They will be discreet with your private details. Please listen to Peter."

Sadie said nothing, merely nodded. Russell stood by her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"If I may, Signora. From what I can gather, your ex-husband never formally applied for custody."

"No, I signed a paper and accepted the agreement. I suppose he never thought he needed to..."

"Then he has no legal right to claim her. If we apply from here, you'll have no difficulty under Australian law."

"I abandoned her. I signed the papers."

"They carry little weight. He bullied you, raped you, threatened you with a psychiatric hospital. There are enough extenuating circumstances."

"I can't prove them."

"Neither can he. You will win custody."

"If I try he will use his influence against me. Or move her to somewhere that I can't find her. You don't know what he's like..."

The other man, Mark, stepped forward; he was burly, looked like a bodyguard. "Mrs. Bartoli, that's where we come in. We want to get your daughter out of Italy and bring her here to Australia. The legal proceedings will then start with you in a position of strength."

"Snatch her back?" Sadie looked from Russell to Mark in astonishment. "Kidnap her?"

"Well, it's hardly kidnap to take your own daughter," Russell said. "Sadie, I've a plane ready to fly out you, Mark and a couple of my people, pick her up and fly straight back. You can bring your Oz passport for Giovanna when she lands in Sydney. It's a piece of piss, Sadie. These guys are all ex-army, police. They can do this. Trust us."

"Russell - you can't get involved in this! It's probably illegal and the press will crucify you if they find out!"

"I'm not involved. My name will not be mentioned. Give us the green light, Sadie. This can happen. You will have Giovanna for Christmas. A whole new start, baby."

Sadie sat and thought, her heart pounding. Was it possible that Russell could just walk in and make everything right? The dreamer who made dreams come true?

"Can you really do this? Why? Why would you take this risk for me?" Her face was white, lips drained of colour, eyes wet with tears.

He knelt beside her, hands on her face, whispered in her ear,

"I can't bring our baby back but I can bring yours. It isn't much compensation for all that I have done to you over the years."

Sadie closed her eyes and bit back the urge to sob. The other men looked embarrassed, Russell unconcerned - public display of his emotions never disconcerted him. Looking over his shoulder, Sadie caught the eyes of Peter Falacci and saw something unexpected there; she wasn't sure exactly what it was.

"Do it. Please help me get Gia back."

The events of the day whirled past Sadie like a runaway train, her life now out of her control. The men left, telling her to make her excuses, claim to be unwell, go home. An hour later a mission central was set up at her house. Sadie made cups of tea and coffee, handed out sandwiches and stubbies and let these unknown men determine her future.

They were to fly early the following morning from a private airfield outside of the city. After reaching Tuscany, they would take rooms for the night. Sadie had told them that Giovanna attended a playschool three mornings a week in a nearby village, escorted by only her Nanny, Sofia. It would be easy to take her on the way, detain the nanny and give them time to make their getaway.

"But if you hold her nanny against her will, then you have clearly committed a criminal offence..."Sadie reasoned.

"Offer her a big cheque, payable if she plays ball. So what if her mother says there has been a change of plans - why has she done wrong? She'll grab the money, hand over the child and keep her mouth shut. Just watch." Mark spoke but Sadie was unsure, Sofia was a family stalwart. Who knows? Money does talk. It was too late to back out now; Giovanna was almost in her arms.

By nightfall, everything was set up. The men left, Russell stayed. He had been quiet most of the afternoon, leaving it up to the professionals - just listening, chain smoking and watching. As the other men took their leave, Sadie noticed the warning look that passed between Mark and Russell and Russell's dismissive pout. It spoke volumes for their relationship and Russell's past behaviour. What Sadie failed to notice was the attention with which Russell stared at Peter Falacci as he said goodbye to Sadie. Sadie smiled at something the lawyer said; her expression perturbed him. It was familiar but he couldn't quite compute what it meant.

The front door closed and they were alone. Russell sat down next to her and held her hands. "Want to get something to eat? I could call out for something."

She shook her head. "No I can cook us something. Fancy a quick pasta? I've some fresh salmon and broccoli in the refrigerator. Something simple. It'll take no time at all to knock up."

He grinned. "Great. I'm starving. Come on, I'll give you a hand."

Like old times, they pottered about the kitchen, radio on, singing to each other, chatting, preparing food and bickering about how best to cook it. It was like an old shoe that you come across and slip on. Everything held in place, so snug, so easy, so familiar.

Over a dinner eaten at the kitchen table accompanied by a chilled Verdelho, they talked about the next few days. Finally the subject of their past arose.

"Russ, you don't owe me anything, you know. The mistakes that we made, we made together. And then we went off and made plenty of others on our own. I don't hold you responsible for anything. I just have wonderful memories of the times we spent together. You forget the bad shit in time."

Sadie noticed he was absentmindedly playing with his ear as she spoke. He was uncomfortable; something was bothering him - it was a mannerism he had always had when discomfited.

"What is it, Russ? Are you worried about being here with me? Perhaps you'd better leave. How will you explain this to...Danielle?"

"She's out of town. With Dad for a few days." He answered vaguely as if he was only half listening, his mind on something else.

"What is bothering you then?" Sadie knew even before she said the words. It had been hovering in the air since they had been left alone. Russell slipped off his chair, knelt by hers, took her face in his hands, stroked her with his index finger, his eyes dark with desire.

"Sadie, I want you. It's crazy madness - but how can we keep apart? Can I stay? You shouldn't be alone tonight. I just can't leave you..."

He bent to kiss her as he had done so many times before but Sadie froze and pulled away.

"No, I can't. I'm sorry, I can't!" She stood up abruptly and pushed him from her, beginning to stack plates from the table. He caught her hand as she turned away.

"What is it? Sadie, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. You are engaged to another woman. This is just your dick thinking for you again. Let go of my hand! I hate it when you do that..." With a jerk, she reclaimed her hand and crossed the room. Russell watched her intently, aware that she was lying, reading her body language as clearly as if she had spoken to him.

"Sadie, this is not about sex. This is about us. There's a bond between us that we can't deny. You know it. You feel it. Our bodies sense each other; can't you feel the recognition?"

Sadie slammed plates into the dishwasher. "No, I can't feel anything! You don't understand! I just can't feel anything. Not any more. It's not you, Russ! It's... Russ. Oh God!" At that she put her head in her hands and groaned. Between gritted teeth she snapped out: "I haven't had sex since that night in Rome. I'm not interested in it."

Russell stepped back and stared at her. "Can't or won't?"

Sadie sighed deeply. "I was raped, Russ. Can you even in your wildest dreams imagine what it was like? With two men and unable to defend yourself? I can't do it. I won't do it. The touch of a man makes me feel sick. I don't think I'll ever get over it."

Silence fell on the room and Russell struggled to comprehend what she was saying. Sadie, the most sensual woman he had ever known. Her body had reacted to him like she had been born for his touch. This was the final blow. He reeled backwards, unable to deal with it, swallowing hard.

Sadie put her hand out to pat his arm. "It's all right. Russ, it doesn't bother me anymore, really. I never even think about it." Not true. In the dark of the night her memory brought him back and she found relief on her own, locked in some far off time when she had been young and in love with a wild, beautiful boy who had stolen her heart away. But with a real man, even Russell himself, other bitter memories broke through and the wall between her and affection rose up again.

"I don't even know what to say, Sadie. It breaks my heart to think you've been so damaged." Tears pricked his eyes; his hands shook. Sadie put her arms about him and smiled through her own tears.

"Oh, Russ! You are so sweet - such a softie! You always say such things...can I ask you something? It might be hard for you but it would help me."

"Anything, anything. Just say it, baby!" Relief to be able to do something practical, to fill the aching feeling of his abandonment of her to this fate. She should have been his wife, the mother of his children, a rich and cosseted lady - where did they go wrong?

"I don't want to be alone tonight either. Can you stay with me - but as a friend? Can you do that for me?"

He smiled and stroked her hair, his face intense as he met her lovely blue eyes with his pale green gaze. "I'm not a fucking sex maniac, Sadie. Of course I can stay. Let me hold you tonight. It will be the right thing to do."

They cleared the kitchen together, watched some TV, finished off the bottle of wine. The simple domestic calm eased the tension she had felt all day. Sadie ran a bath and soaked for a while, Russell sat downstairs and watched the news. She came down in rose pink silk pyjamas, brushing her hair. Russell watched her in the lamplight and remembered how, when he had been a raw young man, she had entranced him with her elegant femininity; the first woman he had ever really known. It made the breath catch in his throat.

"I'm going up to bed, Russ. I need to get some sleep."

"No worries. I'll lock up. You get settled - I'll follow you." 

Another feeling of déjà vu. How many nights had they shared in this simple ritual?

Sadie slipped into bed and picked up a book - but her heart was pounding. The thought of him lying next to her all night made her head spin. She struggled for calm as his feet sounded on the wooden stairs, as the click of the corridor light heralded his presence. The bedroom door opened. And there he was framed by the light of her bedside lamp, filling the doorway, filling her imagination and then ...the sudden memory of him filling her with his love. Sadie blushed and shivered.

"You OK, Sadie? Can I come in?"

"Sure. I left a toothbrush for you in the bathroom."

He nodded and closed the door. Turning his back, he pulled off his shirt and T- shirt and went into the bathroom. She heard him lift the seat - smiled at how she used to nag him for not doing that - listened to the healthy splash of a man urinating, the flush, running water, teeth brushing. Strange how these everyday sounds seemed filled with a latent eroticism. A man about to go to bed. Lie with her. Share her night. Intimacy.

He re-entered the room and looked a little awkward. His back turned again, he toed off his boots and socks, unbuttoned his jeans and dropped them. He was wearing shorts- a surprise. He never used to wear underwear unless he was working. Perhaps he was more particular now that he was older or maybe his girlfriend insisted. It is strange how things like that dwell upon your mind, when you recognise how someone you knew so well has changed even in little ways.

Russell sat on the edge of the bed and threw back the covers. The bed sank under his weight as he wrenched back the carefully arranged sheets - no one wrecked a bed like Russell even when he was merely sleeping.

Settling back, he began to fidget with his hair, pulling it out of the band that held the ponytail. He shook his head and ran his fingers through to loosen the locks. Sadie watched, fascinated, a grin forming on her face; he caught her look and pouted:

"Because I'm worth it!" shaking his head, all Jennifer Aniston, L'Oreal girl.

Sadie snorted with laughter at his antics. "You are such a nong, Russ! If people only knew..."

"Hey, Sades, you could make a fortune out of this: 'My night of passion with Russell Crowe.' Sell it to the tabs. Tell them 'It was a real damp squib. He never laid a finger on me. He has a problem - erectile dysfunction. It's all lies! Nothing but lies! He has a tiny dick and can't get it up.' Go on, ruin my reputation..." Russell giggled as he carried on with his imaginary article in similar nonsense vein.

Sadie rolled over and curled up next to him, still laughing. His arms encircled her possessively and she found herself nestling into his familiar body, warm and solid, chunky and manly, smelt his clean male smell- instincts triggering a sensory overload of memory, conjuring snapshots of good times.

"Oh, Sadie, you feel so good!" He whispered.

"You too, Russ. Nobody feels like you. You have a body for cuddling."

His rumbling laugh. "Fuck - and there's me thinking I had a body for sin."

"That too, sexy. You still have that!"

The comment was light-hearted, a joke, but Sadie felt it the moment that it had been said. The air crackled around them; his potent sexuality tangible. The arms that held her tenderly suddenly felt more demanding. Heat began to sear her, his hips adjusted slightly; she could sense his arousal.

"No, Russ. I can't do this. I'm scared of you." She felt the rise of panic.

"Sadie. Remember the first time? You were scared then; a little rabbit caught in my headlights. This time it will be better. I'm not a randy kid anymore. I can love like a man. Show you what real love is. Burn away the bad memories..." All the while he had spoken in his deep, steady voice, bewitching Sadie and calming her rising fear. All the while he had rubbed gently on the base of her spine and stroked her hair, her face, her neck. It was like a horse whisperer taming a wild pony whose body was twitching and shuddering but whose spirit was mesmerised.

"Let me in, Sadie. Like the old times."

Sadie found her arms around his shoulders, her right leg slipping between his legs, her hips rising to press against his thigh. And then he kissed her. Soft lips, tender pressure, a slight sigh as he leaned into her and captured her tongue in his strong suction, pulling her body into his. Her hands grasped his long, thick hair and she gave herself over to his kiss - deep, penetrating, total possession. Never, ever half measures for Russell.

As he kissed her, he writhed above her like a great cat, muscles rippling, hands exploring, legs flexing to grind himself upon her. Then he pulled away and in silence began to strip her; opened each button on the silk jacket, ran his hand down the opening and peeled the sides apart. Sadie lay there, her breasts bared to his gaze, heard his little whimper of recognition and saw his eyes soften. It blew away the last remaining traces of panic that she felt.

Sitting up she let him slip the jacket from her shoulder as he kissed her neck, his hands raising her thick dark hair to find the soft erogenous places he remembered. His hands snaked round to cup her breasts; she covered them with her own and they stayed like that, his face buried against her, kneeling behind her, her weight leaning back on him, revelling in his touch.

His hands slid down her waist to enter the silken trousers and then to ease them from her, lying her back and pulling them down slowly, revealing her bit by bit, like a precious gift. First her navel, then her belly, then the dark triangle of hair, until she was naked and they slipped over her slender thighs to be tossed to the floor.

"Christ, you are so beautiful, Sadie! You never change."

"Rubbish!" Sadie whispered, playfully. "I have stretch marks. I am older but you just don't see me that way. You look at me and see a sixteen year old girl in your head..."

He put his finger on her lips. "Beautiful Sadie. Always beautiful to me. Let me show you what you do to me, Sadie. Just the thought of you. Do you know how many nights over the years I have lain in lonely hotel rooms and touched myself thinking of you? Knowing what a mistake I made? How many songs I wrote for you? How my heart ached for throwing you away?"

Before she could reply, he moved away and stood up at the side of the bed, removed his shorts and Sadie reached forward to touch his beautiful butt. He turned round slowly, covering himself with his hands.

"You sure, Sadie? I don't want to scare you..."

She smiled. "Your dick won't scare me. Although it ought to. Don't suppose it has got smaller over the years, has it?"

He grinned and Sadie pulled his hands away. "Oh, Lord, I've missed that fella!" Sadie whispered and kissed his tip, feeling it surge at the warm pressure of her lips, hearing his slight moan. And then she buried her head against him as if in adoration until he pulled her gently from him.

"No, baby, this is my treat. Let me love you properly."

Sadie rolled away and Russell came to her. He did not break eye contact as his hands kneaded her breasts and rediscovered her nakedness: the slender belly, the neat triangle of hair, the soft wet flesh of her womanhood. He muttered his appreciation, smiled into her eyes and then reached in for a kiss. His heart-stopping kiss. Sadie felt her body relax, listen to a different beat, respond to an age-old rhythm.

"Oh God! Nobody does it like you. Nobody."

The permission followed by the gift. Carried off on the crest of sensation, Sadie watched him lovingly tend her lonely body, watched him kiss every part of her, his lips a long forgotten friend to her flesh. And then he reached her sex. Sadie parted for him and held his head in her hands as she saw him love her. Tears poured down her face as he teased out her weakness and lavished her with love. As she came, he held her to him, forced her to accept all his attention until she fell back weak and completed on the pillow, her hair a cloud around her face.

It was the moment. Rising up he paused and waited until she opened her eyes to watch him; showed her his maleness, ripe and strong, and then slowly entered her. A gasp of recognition, almost a cry of pain came from both of them; he fell upon her and could not hold back, as eager as the horny young boy who had once shown her the possibility of love.

The first time again. Or maybe the wheel turned full circle? As Sadie gloried in his power and his sweetness, a sudden comprehension dawned on her. The man who had held her in his thrall for half her life was setting her free.

He rose and fell, cock driving deeply but gently, Sadie arching and raising herself to meet him, gripping him tight until he gasped, running her hands over his flesh but never breaking eye contact with him.

She came and he held her tight, still deep within her. As she subsided, kissing him and moaning, Russell moved again, slowly, rhythmically, raising his speed until he was grunting and sweating with the effort to control himself. He wanted her to come again and again and again. This time her orgasm burst forth with a scream and tears poured down.

It was too much. The sound of her orgasmic cries, the feel of her rippling walls, the closeness of her sinuous body wrapped around him, the warm, wet ooze of her cunt - he cried out himself, lights dancing before his eyes and poured his essence into her, almost tormented by the awful pleasure of release.

Eyes flickered and tried to focus again. Sadie and Russell were lying entangled, he slumped across her body, trying to shield her from his weight while she clung to him, unwilling to part. He stirred.

"Don't come out! Stay inside!" He was still hard; she wanted the moment to last.

"You can't breathe."

"I don't care. Don't move!"

For as long as they could, he rested inside her body but flaccid now, he could not stay the course. Easing slightly away, he rolled back, but Sadie followed him still tangled up in his legs, the warm flood of semen trickling from her to him; a river of liquid desire, washing them both clean of the sins of the past. A new Lethe.

"Sadie, Oh God, Sadie. I had forgotten!" It was all he could say.

Sadie just cried. Part the release of powerful orgasm long repressed, part the joy of being freed from the curse of frigidity, but most of all she cried for the sheer elation of love with this man. No one and  nothing had ever moved her like he could.

Russell held her and kissed her head. His eyes were closed; his mind was racing. What could he do about his life now?

At last she quieted and wiped her face, blew her nose and cuddled up against him as he leaned on the headboard and lit up a cigarette. They shared it.

"You used to hate me smoking in bed." Russell observed, with a wry smile.

"That's before I became a pack-a-day woman myself," she shrugged, took the cigarette from his lips and dragged deeply on it.

He brushed his hair back from his face and ran his hand over the stubble of his jaw, the nervous gestures announcing his mindset.

"Should I have used something? I'm not carrying anything."

Sadie shrugged. "Jesus Christ, Russ! I'm not on anything. But I was on last week- I should be OK. God, I never gave it a moment's thought!"

"What we going to do, Sades?" He took the end of the cigarette and sucked on it deep.

"You mean what are you going to do?" It was true. He was the one being unfaithful.

"I don't know what I want, Sadie."

She laughed and threw herself down beside him against the headboard.

"Nothing new there then, mate! Since when have you ever had the faintest idea what you wanted in life?"

Russell groaned and shook himself. "Christ, Sadie, I just get to one place and then... you know the old doubts start creeping back...will I ever find peace, Sadie?"

"Are you sure that's what you want? Maybe broken hearted is what you need to be the actor you are. Maybe you can never be tied down. Some people should never marry."

He considered her words but his face told her it was not what he wanted to hear. "I need a woman. I need a family. That much I know."

Sadie held his face in his hand. "You don't need any woman, any family. You need a particular woman. Are you unsure about Danielle? Is she a compromise you have made with life? Do you really feel settled about this marriage?

"I was until tonight."

Sadie stroked him, touched the familiar contours of his face, traced a well-worn pattern with her fingers, "This is bound to throw you. It means nothing, Russ. Just two old friends remembering the good old days. It doesn't change what you two have found."

"Doesn't it?" His look was intense, his voice deep and husky. "I never forgot you. I just gave up hope of ever finding what we had again."

She sat up and reached for the sheet; a cold chill creeping over her.

"Why didn't you come and find me then?"

"I tried. Couple of years ago. After the Gladiator madness. After I had shagged half of the women in the western world and suddenly realised what a shit I had become. But you were gone. No one knew where. I even went to your Mum and Dad's house to see if they knew."

Sadie jumped with surprise. "What? You did what?"

"I went to Double Bay. Thought they would have moved but they were still there. Same house. I couldn't believe they didn't know where you were. Your Mum was very upset. She told me she thought you were in UK or maybe Europe but didn't know for sure."

Sadie snagged another cigarette, lit it and rested back upon his chest. "I haven't seen them for years. I never forgave them for the abortion; in some ways I blamed my mother most of all. It's stupid really. If it were my daughter who got pregnant at sixteen, I'd probably encourage her to get rid of it. But, somehow, I lost my faith in them that day. And now it's too late to mend bridges."

His hand stroked her gently. "It's never too late. Look at us. Your Mum's a nice lady. She deserves better than that."

"What do you know about my mother?" Sadie snapped back at him.

Russell paused and cleared his throat. "I slept with her once."

Sadie spun round. "My Mum?"

He groaned. "That day I went back years ago to find you. She did set the dog on me at first but it bit my hand and drew blood. She was worried. She brought me into the house, bandaged me up... You know what I was like at that age."

Sadie gaped open mouthed. "You mean you fucked my Mum? Where?"

"The usual place," he smirked.

Sadie hit him. "I mean...where in the house?"

"Her bed."

"Mum took you to her and Dad's bed in the middle of the day? I don't believe it! My Mum? She was the pillar of the Church. Butter wouldn't melt between her legs. I'm surprised she even had me..."

Russell grinned. "She got talking about you and me. I apologised. She said it's hard when you see your children growing up. Told me she hadn't been much older than you when she had met your Dad. He's about ten years older, isn't he?" Sadie nodded. Russell must have talked with her Mum to find this much out.

"The family approved, she married at eighteen. Discovered that she'd married a man with little interest in sex. Made the most of it. She admitted that she'd felt jealous of you and your experience of sex. She reckoned you knew more about men than she did. It kind of led from there..."

"My Mum? You fucked my Mum?"

He nodded. "She was only a couple of years older than you are now. A real pretty lady. And...Christ, Sadie...she wanted it so bad..."

"Don't even go there, Russ!" Sadie warned, stopping him before he had the chance to enlarge upon it. "What happened when you went back this time?"

"It didn't happen again, if that's what you mean. But I guess when you've shared intimacy... she was very open with me but she couldn't help. She didn't know where you were. So I gave up. Became a shit. Still am one."

He put his head in his hands and sighed. Sadie shook her head and tried to take on board all that she had heard that night. "I cannot take anymore, Russ. My head feels like it's about to burst. Tomorrow I get Giovanna back. Then we face what is happening between us. One thing's for sure. Do not act rashly now. Your whole peace of mind depends upon it. Only time will tell if this is something real or just a crazy dream. Promise me you will not do anything stupid until after I get back. Promise me!" Sadie grabbed his hands and forced him to look at her. "No drinking binges. No fighting. And do NOT start confessing to Danielle. If this is just a blip then you'll have hurt her for no reason. Time enough for that if things change between us. Promise me, Russ. Don't fall apart over this! Your recent behaviour suggests you've been on the edge for a while. I didn't miss the little fiasco in London with Eric Watson - you must have been smashed to let him get the better of you."

Russell inclined his head; she was right. He had been like a tightly wound coil for months. Fear of commitment? Fear of rejection? Hadn't got a fucking clue. Somehow, though, he thought that the next few days might shed some light onto his true state of mind.

"I promise. I will be a good boy, Miss." They both smiled. It was late, an early start beckoned. Settling down they curled up together and lay in silence in the dark, each wrapped in private thoughts but together in their hearts.

Not much past dawn, the men arrived to pick up Sadie. She was waiting by the window, dressed and toting a small backpack - a change of clothes and a few things for Giovanna. Russell was sitting in an armchair silently drinking tea and smoking.

As Sadie ran out to the vehicle, Russell closed the door, nodded to Mark and turned to go to his car. One last look back and he saw Sadie watching him, an impenetrable look upon her face and then she settled back and they were gone. Starting up the engine, he drove off, his mind in a quandary. He hit the highway and took the Pacific North. Only one place he could go to wait this out. Home.

The flight was long with several refuelling stops. Sadie spent much of it sunk in thought, trying to understand what had happened between her and Russell and if it was the hand of fate drawing them back or just plain madness.

"You look far away." Sadie looked up and Peter Falacci was standing there, holding out a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, miles away. Thanks." She took the coffee and he sat down beside her. "I was surprised you were on this little jaunt. Surely, as a lawyer, you should keep out of these things?"

Peter hunched his shoulders, Sadie noticed his eyes; they were dark brown and limpid. Beautiful eyes shaded by long dark lashes. "Sometimes even lawyers want to do the right thing. And my Italian is fluent. I lived there as a child."

"Thank you for sticking your neck out for me. Not many people would do that."

Peter smiled and shrugged. "Maybe my motives are not quite so honourable... Signora..."

"Sadie, please."

"Sadie...can I ask you something personal?" He looked embarrassed, a blush forming beneath his healthy, tanned, handsome face.

"Sure...ask away!"

"How do you know Mr. Crowe? I mean...Jesus...Are you and he... you know...?"

Suddenly Sadie realised what this was about. "Peter...Russell and I met sixteen years ago. We were an item off and on before he was famous. I haven't seen him in five years until we bumped into each other a few days ago. I told him about Gia and, typically, he had to take over."

"I don't think that quite answers my question, Sadie."

Sadie looked away from him and drank from her coffee cup. "I don't think I know the answer. It's very complicated between us."

"I like him as a bloke. He's not like the media makes out...but - he's a bastard with women..."

Sadie grinned. "You're telling me that? I could write a book about that man. But he's not quite what he seems with women either, Pete."

He sighed. "When we get back...if I asked you out to dinner, would you accept?"

"On a date?"

He paused. "Yeah, I guess so. On a date."

"And would you try to hit on me afterwards?" Sadie asked. Peter looked surprised.

"Well... I might...I mean..."

"I was hoping that you would." She giggled. "I can't guarantee you'll get lucky but I expect you to try. Don't want any nonsense about you being too intimidated to try and nail Crowe's ex-girlfriend. I want a proper date."

Peter grinned back, relief evident on his face. "He won't head bang me then if he catches me playing footsie with you?"

"Well, I can never be sure about Crowe and his temper but I think you'll be safe. As long as you set your intentions out clearly. He'll be worse than an irate father if he thinks anyone messes me around!"

Peter looked serious for a moment, his mouth slightly open and his tongue resting at the corner as he watched her. "Oh, my intentions are clear, Sadie Bertoli. And I have no doubts that his intentions are exactly the same when he looks at you, too." With that he stood up and returned to his seat further up the aisle. Sadie watched him go. Dressed casually, in jeans and a shirt, Peter Falacci was a sight to see. Tall, lean and in possession of a butt that made her sweat. A strange sensation passed over Sadie but she recognised it. It was lust.

How bizarre! Here she was about to involve herself with a dangerous and probably criminal act to recover her little daughter and she was flirting with a man she had met five minutes ago. Unbelievable. But try as she might, she could not get the image of him out of her brain. So she gave up trying and fell asleep dreaming of him.

They landed and took a hotel room for the night in a modern inn on the outskirts of Pisa. After a light meal, Mark and the other men left to go over the ground for tomorrow's pick up. Sadie went to her room and sat for hours staring at the four walls and praying. It was a long time since she had prayed.

Her phone rang quite late - around ten o'clock.

"Hi, Sadie. Everything OK?" Russell.

"Russ! Yes, but I'm so nervous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

"Get one of the guys to sit with you- you shouldn't be alone."

"They're out, checking the run for tomorrow. I don't really want anyone around."

There was a pause in which she heard him speak to someone in the room; his voice was muffled and he must have covered the receiver with his hand.

"Russ? If it's a bad time..."

"No, not really. Just...you know...it'll work out. I promise you. I'm not letting you down this time. When you get back..."

"NO! Don't start making plans. I do need to talk to you but...Russ, you promised not to do anything drastic. Remember?"

He grunted something that Sadie could not hear. "I promised and I will keep my promise but ..." he lowered his voice, " I'm dying here. I'm so fucking screwed up...I can't even...Jesus, I mean...fuck...I'll talk when you get back." An abrupt hang up and Sadie grimaced. Russell was simmering; God only knows what he would do if he came to the boil.

Half and hour later, a gentle knock at the door broke through Sadie's anxious thoughts. It was Peter.

"Hi. We just got back. You OK?" He leaned one arm on the door lintel and looked down at her. Sadie realised how tall he was; he must be over six feet.

"I've been better. Just can't stop playing out all the possible things that could go wrong in my mind." She exhaled deeply and tried to keep her voice steady. Tears were close.

"Can I come in awhile? Maybe keep you company?"

Sadie contemplated his offer. A young man who clearly fancied her in her room when she was feeling vulnerable - how was that going to help? Needless to say she opened the door wide and stepped back to let him in. "Just for a while. You do understand that?"

He nodded. Perching himself on the one armchair in the room while Sadie sat cross legged on the bed, the couple talked to fill in the waiting hours: first of Giovanna and the outline of her disastrous marriage, and then Peter began to talk about himself.

"I met her at Uni. Prettiest girl on my course. We were the couple most likely to - inseparable. Moved in together after Uni - got married two years later."

"What happened?" Sadie knew there was a 'but' coming.

"Careers got in the way. We were both driven and didn't spend much time together. She met a client, had an affair, asked for a divorce. It was all very civilised. Trouble is it broke my heart. I really thought it was going to be for life." He looked down and played with his watchstrap. It made her want to scoop him up and cuddle him like a little boy. She found herself doing just that.  Arms around him, sitting on his knee, Sadie held him close while he sighed and stroked back her hair.

"I broke my heart when I turned Russell down because I thought we were too young. You married your sweetheart and it came apart in your hands. How does anyone know what is the right thing? We're just stumbling around from one fuck up to the next."

"Crowe asked you to marry him? I thought he'd dumped you like all the others."

Sadie smiled sadly. "He rarely dumps them. They either dump him because he pisses them about or he keeps coming back for more. Russell is the original Australian boomerang. He asked me to marry him when we were very young and again a few years ago."

Peter lifted his head from her shoulder and observed her face. "Do you regret that you didn't marry him?"

Sadie stared at him unsure whether she wished to proceed further. She had never discussed Russell with anyone before - the thought of her story getting into the public domain was sufficient reason alone - apart from the loyalty she still felt to preserving his privacy from intrusion. But somehow she knew she could trust Peter.

"Yes. I should have married him the first time. I was wrong. He wouldn't have hurt me and maybe he would have been a happier man if he'd travelled with a wife and family all these years. You see...he has changed and he's lost so much of the boy he was...he's grown hard and selfish - it's a defence mechanism against a world that he's uncomfortable with. Underneath, Russell was always shy and full of insecurities. He would just put on an air of bluster and toughness to protect himself from harm and to cover up what he really felt. I think that's where his acting first came from. And I think he's become the part he was playing. Some of that is my fault."

"Fault? He's one of the most successful actors in the world. Maybe you did him a favour?" Peter observed.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Too late now. I don't want to talk about him, Peter. I'm tired and scared. I'm going to bed. Stay with me until I drop off. I don't want to be alone."

Sadie slipped beneath the covers and Peter lay down on the bed next to her, as she closed her eyes. They woke up there when Mark knocked on the door at six.

"Mrs. Bertoli?" Peter shot out of the bed but it was too late. Mark walked in and saw them both. His voice registered nothing; his eyes were blank but Sadie knew that was pretence. "We need to move in half an hour. We'll meet outside in the car park." A slight nod of his head at Peter indicated his desire to speak to him. Peter glanced at Sadie and then followed him out.

"What the fuck you playing at, Falacci? He'll have your balls if he finds out. Jesus - what is she? He thinks she's the Bloody Virgin Mary... he's about ready to throw his marriage and everything away for that little tart... he can certainly fucking pick them...

Peter held his hands up. "It's not what you think. I just fell asleep. I stayed with her until she dozed off but I must have gone off too. Mark- she's not his woman. She's just an old girlfriend that he's helping..."

"...That he fucked two nights ago? He was sniffing round her from the moment he got near her. I know him. He's on the chase again. And she's whoring around with you..."

"You shut your fucking mouth..." Peter was white with temper.

"Yeah...like you could stop me? He'll rip you apart, Falacci- if I were you, I'd give him a wide berth. He's a fucking mean son of a bitch when he smells another dog on his patch." Mark stormed off and Peter slammed the wall in temper. 

The actual pick up was smooth sailing in comparison to everything else that was happening that day. They waited in two hired jeeps until Giovanna was led up to the gate of the nursery school. Sadie jumped out and called them over. Sofia, the nanny, guessed immediately what was about to transpire but Peter chatted to her in his fluent Italian, showed her a sizeable case of Euros and she shrugged and joined them in the car.

Giovanna and Sadie were oblivious; the little girl was ecstatic at the sudden appearance of her Mama and they danced around and kissed each other until Mark warned Sadie, somewhat ungraciously, to get a move on and they hit the road at high speed. Within the hour they were in the air, Sofia had her money and Giovanna was in high spirits at the news of her 'holiday' in Australia. The little girl spoke little English; Sadie's Italian was good but not fluent and Peter helped to translate when she did not understand her mother.

An immediate rapport seemed to form between the small girl and the tall, laid back Aussie. Giovanna had had no real male figure in her life for she rarely saw her actual Papa and the two had never bonded. Sadie observed the friendship already blossoming and felt even more entranced by this strong, quiet man. They often caught each other's eyes and smiled. In three days, they had gone miles already; she felt she had known him for years.

Back in Sydney and Giovanna home at last. Exhausted and emotional, buoyed by the support Peter afforded her in his quiet rocklike way, Sadie sat on her balcony with Gia curled up in her arms and dozed in the late afternoon sun.

As Russell's car drew up, Sadie opened her eyes and watched. No bodyguards, Russell alone wearing shades and a cap but still instantly recognisable; not just to Sadie but to half the world. That thought alone made her start - how could a woman share her man with the world at large?

He rang the doorbell, looking at his feet, keeping his back turned - always hiding now where once he had strutted through the world daring it to sit up and take notice of him. Sadie heard the muted sounds of conversation as Peter opened the door and let him in. She turned to greet him as he entered the lounge room.

Russell stepped forward as the front door opened. With surprise he viewed Peter Falacci. His mood changed instantly.

"You working overtime?" he snapped out.

"I'm helping out. Giovanna needs someone whose Italian is fluent."

"Cosy, mate. Well, you can piss off now." Russell stood back and indicated the open door.

"When Sadie tells me, I will leave." Peter stood his ground.

Russell fixed him with a stare. "You fucking work for me. Piss off. Now."

Peter stared back. "I'm not at work, Mr. Crowe. You don't own me..."

"Russ?" Sadie called from the inner room. With a warning nod, Russell pushed Falacci out of his way and entered the lounge.

Sadie was reclining on a rattan sun bed on the balcony, her daughter fast asleep in her arms. It was a picture of serenity - a beautiful mother and her child, a madonna-like image of maternity and love. The very sort of idyll that a man like Russell responded to - the epitome of womanhood.

He came and knelt down by them, tilting his head to watch the sleeping child. Sadie smiled softly and reached out to stroke his face.

"All debts are paid, Russell. You've given me back the most important thing in my life."

He asked her about the trip; she filled in the details, although she knew Mark would have debriefed him already. Sadie wondered how much Mark had mentioned - would he have mentioned Peter's presence in her bedroom early in the morning?

The inevitable question "Why is he still here?"

"Who?"

"Falacci."

Sadie sensed that she had to tread carefully. Despite his apparent calm demeanour, there was a telltale light in Russell's eyes; she recognised the fuse of his temper smouldering.

"He's been fantastic. A rock. Gia loves him already."

"Great. Tell him to go home, Sadie. We need to talk - in private."

"Pete?" Sadie called to him; he appeared at the lounge door and waited. "Maybe you should go home and get a rest. You must be exhausted."

"I'm fine, Sadie. But whatever you want. Let me take Gia from you- she ought to be in bed."

He came forward and Sadie let him pick her up. The child murmured and buried her head against his shoulder, sniffling and rubbing her nose. Pete shushed her and whispered in Italian. Russell watched the scene, a curious tight -lipped expression on his face.

Sadie and Pete disappeared upstairs to settle Giovanna while Russell paced the balcony, smoking. On their return the three stood awkwardly together.

"I'll get off then, Sadie. You sure you can manage?" Peter glanced at Russell who stared fixedly back.

Sadie went to him. "Thanks for everything! Call me. Soon." She kissed him gently on the lips; it could have been friendly, it could have been formality, it could have been something else.

"I'll see myself out then." Pete muttered half-heartedly.

"You do that, mate..." Russell lit up a cigarette and glowered threateningly. Sadie caught the expression on both men's faces and recognised it for what it was- the usual ritual of men stalking round a perceived rival. She grinned inwardly; some things never change.

The front door slammed and Peter walked away, stomach churning. What was Crowe's game with Sadie? If the bastard expected some sort of a payment in kind for helping her...He slammed his car door and shot off trying to blank out the images of the two of them together from his mind.

"How is she?"

"Giovanna? Good. So much better than I expected. She doesn't seem to wonder about what has happened. It makes you think about how she must have been living in that great house with only her grandmother and the servants.

"How come Falacci's still sniffing around?" Russell simply broke in and interrupted her. His expression said 'Don't fucking bullshit me!'

"He's a really nice guy. Speaks excellent Italian. Gia loves him already."

"How comes he's sniffing around? He simply repeated the question and dismissed her words.

Sadie took a deep breath. "He's asked me out. I said yes. I like him. I really like him."

He stubbed out his cigarette forcefully in an ashtray. "What about us?"

"Us? There is no 'us', Russell. We slept together. That's all. You and I were over years ago. You have moved on and so must I. Please Russ, don't make more of this than it is."

Russell crossed to her and took her by her upper arms. "It was always us from the beginning. I always knew that but I was never ready to take that step. I'm different now. Older. Wiser. More secure. Sadie - I want it to be like it was...

She tilted her head, shrugged his arms away gently, stroked his face. "It used to be us, baby," she whispered, "but now it's you and Danielle. We never took our chances and they passed us by. Russ, my beautiful Russ, you are not mine anymore and you never will be. I knew that the other night." He opened his mouth to speak but she placed a finger on his lips.

"The other night, you set me free. For sixteen years, I've matched every man I met against you and they have all come up wanting. Now I realise that, although I will always love you, I am not in love with you. I want a different kind of life than the one you offer, a different kind of man. Maybe it never could have worked out between us, despite the mistakes we made which only made things worse. I used to think you met Danielle on the rebound from me, but maybe you met her because you were ready for her. I was never the ideal partner for a man like you. Who knows?"

He let her go and looked up towards the ceiling. For a long moment he stared while he said nothing and then:

"You turning me down, Sadie?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I think I am, mate. And I think somewhere inside you, you're relieved. Whatever fantasies are in your head - you want to marry Dani in your heart. Admit it. You always did."

Russell slumped into a chair, head in hands. "I know everything except myself. Why is that?"

Sadie knelt down by him, placed her hands on his legs, gazed up at him. "You know yourself now. Look into your heart."

He nodded and sighed deeply. "This guy, Falacci, you really like him?"

"I think so. When I look at him, I feel something that I haven't felt for a very long time."

Russell nodded again. "I fucking hate to think of you with another man. Why is that?"

Sadie grinned. "Because you hate to lose any of your precious possessions; you always did. But you won't lose me. Ever. I will always be your friend. Your best friend. Even if we don't see much of each other in the future."

Russell stood up and raised her to her feet. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I can never be alone with you again, Sades. My body doesn't always listen to my brain. No one does it like we do, Sadie. I will never forget that."

She reached out for another kiss. Deep and long, a lifetime's knowledge and a bitter-sweet ending.

He broke away and turned to go. Then as if an afterthought: "I forgot. I still owe you."

Sadie knitted her brows. "Owe me? Debts are paid tenfold, Russ."

He shook his head. "Five hundred. Never gave it back." Reaching into his inside pocket, he pulled out a cheque and handed it to her. She glanced at the amount and gasped.

"Russ! This is too much!"

"Twelve years' interest. Adds up, ya know."

"I cannot accept so much money from you." She handed the cheque back.

He held his right hand up. "If not for me, you would have reached the top of your profession already. I held you back. Use it to open the shop. Follow your dream, Sadie. Remember how we used to think of names for it years ago? Sadistique. Sadiest. Marquessa de Sadie. Please do it for both of us and for what we almost built together."

Sadie looked at the cheque pensively and then up at him again. "When you came today, did you know that I would turn you down?"

"Not really but I thought there was a very strong chance. You are right, you always were, but part of me hoped you would still want me enough. I'm not strong enough to hold out against you. You are right about Dani and me but wrong about us. We could have made it. We should have made it. I was the greatest fool in the world when I walked out last time and I have paid for it through many lonely years. I'll never quite love anyone the way I loved you but my marriage will succeed. She's the one I need now. Goodbye, Sadie. Be happy. Build your dream."

With a hand on his heart, he bowed his head slightly but Sadie still saw the tears in his eyes through the mist in her own. Then he was gone. She clutched the piece of paper to her chest. The dreamer who made dreams come true.

EPILOGUE

Sadie Bertoli gazed around the elegant premises filled with beautiful people all eager to be seen. Champagne flowed, sexy models posed and primped, waiters handed out canapés- with satisfaction she watched the unfurling of her dream.

Across the room her mother and father, a little bewildered by the array of famous names congregating around, stood with Giovanna who was all dressed up, as pretty as a little doll. Suddenly hands snaked around behind her, warm breath on her neck and a gentle kiss, sensuous and tender.

"Happy?" Peter whispered in her ear.

"Ecstatic," Sadie replied. 

There was a flurry of activity at the door, bodyguards entered, cameras flashed manically. Russell and Danielle. Who else?

Sadie went to greet the couple. They both looked great. Fit, healthy, beaming - marriage was suiting them.

"Russell! You came!" Sadie dashed forward and kissed him; he swung her in his arms. Then she stepped back and greeted Danielle with a kiss on both cheeks.

"Couldn't keep me away," he grinned. "You know me and fashion..." They all laughed. "Hey, Peter, mate - like your new job?" Russell shot that out.

"Beats working for my old boss. What a bastard!" Pete retorted.

Russell grinned. "And I never gave you a blow job either, did I?" The four of them burst out laughing at his crudeness- typical Russell outrageous 'say what everyone else just thinks' kind of comment. It was good to hear him still talking that way.

Danielle stood aside and spoke to Sadie quietly. "Your clothes are spectacular. You're so talented, Sadie. Only wish I could fit into them!" She patted her belly - she was as ripe as a plum.

"You will once you've squeezed that out. Can't be long now- couple of months?"

Danielle nodded and looked across at Russell - Sadie saw their eyes meet and how he gazed at Danielle as once he had gazed at her. It made her smile.

"You... and Peter...is it serious?" Dani asked. Sadie wondered how much she knew.

"Yeah. We're getting married in the New Year. No use waiting. I'm not getting any younger and we want children. Maybe I'll design a maternity range - might be ready for your number 2!"

Dani groaned and they both laughed. Russell noticed their amusement and frowned. "What's so funny?" He asked. They laughed even more at his uncertainty.

"Not you, bighead. We were talking babies," Danielle replied; he shrugged shamefaced.

"OK. Let's do the media bit. I want my picture taken with the star. Oh and after that, my Mum wants to meet you, Russell. She says she has fond memories of you..."