Ash and Dominic were sitting on a rug by the side of a playing field. She was reading a rather weighty tome, trying desperately to keep up with latest developments in her academic field but finding her attention continually distracted by the activity on the pitch. Dominic was lying on his front, his head resting on his hands engrossed in the game. It seemed surprising to Ash for a child so young to be following a rugby match but he was a boy and he was watching his Dad. The two were becoming inseparable at times- Dom just followed him around like a little pet lamb and Russell loved it.

"Mum? Can I kick the ball?" He asked, screwing his eyes up against the sun. She replaced the cap that he had pulled off yet again.

"No, Dom. They're all big men. They would knock you over. They wouldn't even see you out there."

He sighed deeply. Ash looked over at him. He needed friends. He needed kids of his own age to play with. She feared that he was becoming a little too clingy on them and might not be able to mix very well with other children if he didn't learn to socialise soon. Russ's own childhood had been one of constant changes, never staying long enough in one place to make friends - would Dominic's be the same?

There was a roar of laughter from the field as the ball broke free from the scrum and a few guys went down. It was very much a free-for-all with no holds barred, plenty of swearing and raucous shouting and a lot of physical misbehaviour. Russell was in his element. He seemed relaxed and happy. A try was scored and the men strolled back to their positions amidst plenty of backslapping and shouts of, "You wanker!" and "Fucking load of arseholes!" and the usual camaraderie of men in schoolboy mode. Russell glanced over and grinned, raising his eyes; Ash blew him a kiss and he fooled around catching it. Some of the other men noticed it and started to give him some stick about that.

"Hey, Romeo, keep your eye on the fucking ball!" 

"Look at that sad bastard, keep it in your pants, Crowe!" He gave a middle finger to them and threw himself back into the game with a grin.  It seemed to Ash that it was like some Sunday morning game in the local park. So great to see him like this! He organised these things to bring cohesion to the cast and crew, to give them some outlet for pent up energy after long hours often doing nothing on the set but hanging around but also, she knew, because he liked the company of other men and the simple pleasure of being ' one of the lads'. How often could he find that in his life these days?

Dominic was beginning to get bored. "C'mon, tiger, let's go for a walk," she said and they wandered around the country club that had offered their facilities to the stars of the film. In the reception, she noticed a poster advertising events for kids. There was a

"Ball kids" session due to start for under fives. On a whim, she went to the receptionist to ask if Dom could participate. She sat him on the counter top while speaking to the young woman.

"Are you a member of the club, ma'am?"

"Er, no. We're here as guests of the management."

"Then I'm sorry. The session is only open to members' children."

"Thanks." Ash turned to Dominic to lift him down. He, however, suddenly spoke to the girl.

"My name's Dom'nic Cwowe."

The girl froze. She looked up at the child and then at Ash, recognition dawning.

"Are you with Mr. Crowe's party?"

Ash smiled and nodded.

"My Dad's Wussell Cwowe." Dominic added with a big grin.  He loved to say that ever since he had first been told. Somehow he liked the sound of it; even though he was still struggling with the 'r' sound. But what had made him say it there all of a sudden? Ash sometimes had the feeling that Dom was way ahead of all of them. Why hadn't she thought of pulling rank?

"If you would just give me a moment, I'll have temporary cards made up for you both. Of course he can join the group. Better hurry, they start anytime soon. I'll get someone to show you to the Tiny Tots Gym." The girl was beside herself trying to accommodate them.

So Dominic wangled his way into a free club membership on the strength of his father's name. Russ was going to love this one. It made Ash think. Play the game. Why not? The game played them often enough.

The session was about basic ball skills for little kids. It was perfect for him. Dominic seemed a little shy at first, his thumb in his mouth and hiding against his mother's knee, but when he was offered a brightly coloured ball he grabbed it and slowly edged his way to the rest of the children. Ash backed away and let him go. Another little boy was paired with him and they seemed to take an instant liking to each other. Within five minutes he was away and hardly even looked at his mother. After a while, Ash went over to the coordinator.

"I just want to pop out for a moment. Is that OK?"

"Sure."

"Dom? Mum wants to tell Dad where we are. I'll be back in a few minutes."

He smiled and ran off.

Ash slipped out and returned to the field. They were breaking for half time and she called him over.

"Where's Dom?" Russ asked, sipping on a glass of orange juice and wiping himself off with a towel.

"Playing ball."

"What?" She filled him in. He roared with laughter and insisted on going to watch.

As he entered the gym, the adults took a double take but the kids ignored him- who the hell was the old guy to them anyway? The children were in groups of five and the adult in charge was throwing a ball to them in turn. They each had a number and had to catch on their number. It was hard for Dominic; he was one of the youngest there but he was having a go, his little tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. His number was two. His new friend's number was three.

"Go...number three!" And the young guy tossed the ball.  The little boy sprang forward and Dom looked over and laughed. Then he elbowed his friend who, as a result, completely missed his contact with the ball and Dominic bent over and picked it up, a big grin on his face. Russell stamped his feet on the ground and whistled.  Ash was stunned.

"He did that on purpose! He actually cropped him! I can't believe that!" she exclaimed.

"That's my boy," Russ giggled.

"You did that before on the field! He's copying you."

"'Course he is. It's called playing footie. Contact sport. You want him to be a wuss?"

Ash stared at him. "He's two! You're supposed to be teaching him how to behave not how to misbehave!" But she couldn't help but laugh. Dominic and his friend were giggling about something and neither seemed in the least put out by Dom's foul play. A few moments later the two little boys ran over.

"Mum! Dad! My friend, Leon." 

"Hi, mate." Russell said.

"Hello," the other boy said, smiling shyly.

"That's my Dad." Dom said.

"My Dad's at work," said Leon.

"My Dad doesn't work. He's a actor," replied Dom.

Ash and Russ burst out laughing. "I'd better get back to the field before he has us on welfare," Russ grinned. "See you later, kids," he shouted as he stood up to leave.

"No worries, mate," answered Dominic as he ran back to join the rest. They simply shook their heads. Russ was in serious danger of being out-quipped by a two year old!

"He's something else." Russell slipped into the chair next to Ash later that evening after reading Dominic a story and putting him to bed.

"You're telling me. He's picking stuff up at the speed of light. I always knew he was bright but I suppose he didn't get much stimulation before. There are so many new things happening to him that he seems to be moving at an alarming rate these days. I wonder what his IQ is ?" Ash pondered.

"Leave him alone," Russ retorted as he switched on the TV and began his infuriating habit of flicking channels and never staying long enough to watch anything properly.

"What do you mean 'leave him alone'?' Ash asked.

"I know you. You'll start hot-housing him and sending him to all those fucking 'Ready for Reading' classes and screwing his head up..."

"Pardon? Where do you get these ideas from? Who said anything about pushing him? I just meant he was bright, that's all. 'Ready for reading'? What's that?"

"They have them at home. Take little kids and bombard them with AVAs and Maths shit when they should be outside playing with their mates."

"Learning can be fun...,"  Ash began.

"I fucking knew it! You'll have him enrolled in Baby Mensa soon."

"No, I won't. I'm not going to be a pushy Mum- but we can't hold him back."

"Of course we can't. He'll learn despite us. But just because you're an academic I don't want him kept like some little Einstein. Let him grow up naturally."

"I take it you will allow him to go to school one day- or would that be too institutionalised for you? No, let him run wild like you did. Didn't do you any harm, did it?" she retorted sarcastically.

"Actually, it didn't. Of course, I want him to go to school - a bloody good school as well. But leave him alone now. I don't want him growing up like a soft wuss."

Ash snapped at him. "What are we arguing about? I want just the same as you do. Stop putting words in my mouth. And I have had slightly longer to think about this than you," she added.

He stood up and stormed towards the bar, helping himself to a cold one and lighting up. "Of course, I forgot. You're the real parent here. I'm just the novelty father."

"I didn't mean that. You have as much right as I do to say how he grows up but I just meant..." She put her hands on her head; it was turning into one of those conversations that would go round and round until one of them blew.

"Yeah. I know," he waved her away dismissively.

"You don't know. You never listen. You always jump to the wrong conclusion..."

"Obviously not as smart as you, then. Shit, I've had enough of this, I'm going out." He lurched out of the door and picked up his phone, calling for a car. Ash ran after him.

"This is stupid. I don't know why we're arguing. I'm sorry if I've said anything wrong. I honestly didn't mean it."

He slung on a jacket and made for the hallway.

"Russ, please."

He stopped at the door with his back turned. "Get your coat on. Let's go and get wasted. We've been cooped up in here too long."

Ash called up Jacinta to keep an eye on Dominic and checked herself in the mirror. She sighed. Her hair was plaited and she was in a pair of jeans and a grey T shirt, no makeup. She shrugged. "What the heck?' and threw on a denim jacket following him out.

They sat down at the bar of the unremarkable local hostelry. Just the usual kind of place, juke box playing, tables with groups of men drinking and watching a game on the screen, three women in the corner eyeing up the men, a couple of guys playing pool in one corner. The minders edged away from Ash and Russell, almost as if they were not with them, to give them some space, but he moved his glass over to them, nodding to Ash to join them. She wondered why she had bothered to come; all he really wanted was a piss up with the boys.

After a while of listening to them talking about the game and some forthcoming cricket tour, Ash wandered off and browsed through the selection at the jukebox. Then she went to the loo and by the time she returned, the men were onto yet another round and looked like they were talking dirty by the sniggers and lowered voices, broken by an occasional roar of laughter - loudest voice usually being Russell. If she went back and joined them it would cramp his style; he was quite deliciously old fashioned about men talking dirty before women and would not have allowed them to continue. Ash didn't want to spoil his fun; he didn't get much of this kind of relaxation these days.

She settled further down the bar and ordered another glass of beer for herself, pulling a book out of her bag. Old habits diehard; she never went anywhere without something to read. Russell always teased her about it. He said where most women had a make up case she had a library in her handbag. She settled back with the next Aubrey novel, trying to catch up on Russell but when he was in research mode he was quite intimidating and read voraciously.

"Can I freshen that drink for you, honey?"

Ash looked up. A youngish guy was standing by her, a slight leer on his face. He looked like he'd been drinking.

"No thanks. I'm fine. Look, I'm not here alone. I'm with the group of guys over there." Ash indicated Russell, Mark and the others.

"Well, they don't seem to remember that, darlin'. Maybe you need a man who takes a bit of notice of you. Shame to see a pretty girl like you having to sit there reading..."

"I happen to like reading," Ash snapped and returned to her novel.

The guy pulled the book from her hands. "More than dancing with me?" He grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the small dance floor. The noise of the bar stool falling over caught the attention of Mark and he nudged Russell who spun round.

Ash was trying to shake the man's hand away when Russell saw them. He was over in a second.

"Let her go, you cunt."

The guy took one look at him and dropped her hand. "She with you?"

Russell gave no reply. He tilted his head at Ash as if to say 'move away.'

"Russell - leave it! It's not worth it."

When she called his name, the guy hesitated and then recognition dawned in his eyes. "You're fucking Crowe, aren't ya?"

"Ash, go over to Mark and stay there. Now!" It was no use arguing with him. She could see the look on his face and had no wish to make him any angrier than he was already. This was a scenario she had been in once before a long time ago in Australia and she wanted to keep this as low key as possible, not wind him up further as she had done on the previous occasion.

"OK Russ, But I'm fine, really I am." Ash returned to the bar and urged Mark to stop him. 

"No chance. He'll just turn on me if I get involved. Let him sort it out. If the guy backs down, he might just walk away."

Ash shook her head. In this mood, Russ was so unpredictable. 

Meanwhile the two men stared at each other. "She your woman?"

No response.

"Look, man, I didn't know. I thought she was on her own. Sitting on her own at the bar in this place! I mean - looked like she wanted some, you know?"

Russell's cheek twitched slightly and he moved. Picked the guy up and threw him over the bar, head first. Turning to the bartender who was standing like a statue, he said,

"Any damages, I'll pay. Now get someone to throw that cunt out before I really hurt him." 

He returned to his glass, lit up a cigarette and appeared to have forgotten the incident already, seemingly oblivious to the curious stares and comments from other drinkers and the inelegant ejection of the unfortunate victim from the bar. Ash looked across at him and recognised that he was far from composed whatever blasé impression he was trying to portray. She slid up and put her arms around him; he stiffened.

"Babes? You OK?" she asked.

He shrugged her away. "So I get the lecture now, do I? Get out of my hair for a bit, will ya?"

"Russ. Calm down. No lecture. I was stupid. I shouldn't have sat at the bar."

"I know. What fucking planet do you come from? This is a rough joint. They don't get many girls reading serious literature at the bar. I'd be surprised if most of the women in here could even read. Next time stay by us and don't give Mark a harder job than he has already. Christ - do you ever use your brain?" He had swivelled around and gripped her upper arms but, despite his aggressive words, she read something else in his eyes.

"Now, tell me what you really want to say, Russell," she whispered calmly.

He frowned and looked away, dropping his hands from her and then raking his hair back where it had escaped from its band. "I left you alone. Dumped you while I farted around with the blokes. I should never have done that in this place. I am such a selfish cunt at times..."

Ash smiled at him. "I wandered off because you were male bonding - dirty jokes and eyeing up the other women. I wanted you to have that. Like I want Dominic to have normal friends and not live like a little prince in the tower all the time. You can't protect me from every jerk in the world. But I love that you want to. And you are not a selfish cunt! You try too hard. I shouldn't have come. I want you to play with the boys sometimes and forget about me."

Russell stroked her face and sighed soft and low. "I don't want to be away from you. I need you somewhere near me so that I can look up and see you. But that's not fair on you. You aren't a pet. I have to learn to let you walk away from me sometimes. I'm so scared that if I do, you might... I might...Christ, I can't even say it."

Ash put her finger on his lips. "Not here. Not now. Later. I understand. Really I do. One day at a time, that's what you said." He nodded and fought for self-control. Then it was back - cocky swagger and the light dancing in his eyes again. "Like this song. Wanna dance?"

He swung her on to the floor and she held onto him as he spun her round slowly in time to the hypnotic beat. They stared at each other and it felt like a conversation going on in their heads. The rest of the bar seemed to slip away and she was drawn into his powerful control, lost in his arms and his eyes. But underneath that aura was a different man and he needed her just as much as she needed him. Ash felt that she was beginning to relax. Maybe they would get there one day.

"That smells great. What's for dinner?" Russell ran into the kitchen and deposited Dominic down on a chair, slipping his hands round her and nuzzling up as she stirred a sauce at the hob.

"Where have you two been? I expected you back ages ago," Ash asked.

"Took Leon and his Mum for a bite. Dom had asked him for tea."

"What?"

"Well, he promised his Dad would take them for a Big Mac. You know what he's like when he sets his mind on something."

"You've not eaten, have you? I've spent ages on this!" Ash complained.

"No. I just had a drink."

"We had burgers!" Dominic insisted.

"You have eaten, haven't you!"

"I can still eat, you know me," Russell answered with a grin.

"You eat too much. It's unhealthy," Ash warned.

"Still room in Captain Jack's breeches - just trying to be a purist here, love."

He stuck his finger in the sauce and licked it. Ash slapped him. "You haven't even washed your hands!"

"You sound more like my mother every day. What is that with women?" He observed as he mooched around the kitchen, opening a beer and checking the wall oven.

"Duck- fantastic! Even cook as well as my Mum - what a Sheila!"

"I'm not sure I want to be compared to your Mum. I'd rather be your mistress. I'm not ready to give up the wild sexual side of me quite yet!" Ash joked. "While we're on the subject of your mother, she rang while you were out."

"I know, she called my cell phone," again he did not volunteer any information.

"She wasn't very friendly," Ash added.

 Russell looked across and gave her that sideways glance that usually implied he wasn't going to discuss something further.

"I tried to chat but she cut me dead, actually." Ash continued.

He shrugged and pulled out his cigarettes. "I'm going outside for a smoke."

Ash threw down the wooden spoon and turned off the gas. "No, you aren't. You'll stay here with me and tell me what is going on. Why does your mother treat me like I'm the bitch queen? You must have known some more undesirable women than me in your time - you'd think I'd be preferable to..."

"Shut up. Think before you open your f...Hey, Dom, why don't you run and find Jacinta, mate? I think she's in the lounge on the phone... Does that girl ever stop making phone calls?" Ash was not fooled by his change of subject.

Dominic climbed from the chair and took his advice; he had been playing with a toy aeroplane and hadn't picked up on the tension between his parents.

"I'm waiting." Ash reminded him.

Russ leaned back on the table and folded his arms. He watched her quietly for a while. "You didn't tell her about Dominic. She's finding it hard to forgive you for that. She thought you and she had a better relationship. Sort of feels the trust is gone." He shrugged.

"And what did you say?"

"She has a right to her opinion."

"So, you didn't defend me?" Ash accused.

"What's to defend? From her point of view, that's how it is." He raised his eyebrows as he said it. He was almost challenging her to reply.

Ash turned back to the cooking and thought. 'Dangerous moment coming. Better not give him my gut reaction.' She pretended to be busy with something. He did not move.

"Your parents. They fucking hate me, don't they?" Russell added.  He was circling; she felt like a fly caught in a spider's web. The minute she had even questioned his mother's reaction, his blood was up.

"They don't know you. They have never met you."

"They think I'm not good enough for you."

"Actually they think you will hurt me. That isn't quite the same thing."

"Well then, you should understand my Mum's point of view." His voice had a ring of victory in it.

 Ash sat down at the table beside him, resting her hand on his knee. "Russ, have you really got over it yourself? Seems that you still have some issues unresolved here," she swallowed hard, unsure whether this was the right line to take.

"I'll never quite get over it, Ash, but I have accepted your reasons. I'm in love with you. She isn't. That's the difference." He continued to stare ahead.

"So, you are saying that you have forgiven me because you love me but you still feel vulnerable about what I did."

"Something like that. I think that this conversation has gone far enough. Let's drop the subject, shall we?" He turned to look at her and she could see his eyes were stony.

"I think it's at the heart of everything, Russ. If you sit on it, it will fester like an infected wound. Don't push it down deep." She stroked his leg and he stood up to evade her touch. For a moment, he seemed as if he would walk away and then he said:

"Give me another baby. Now. Prove yourself to me."

Ash gasped. "What? But we've talked about this! You know what we said. We'll try for another next year, when we've had some time together."

"I know what you said. But that's not what I really want. I want another child. I'm too old already. I can't waste time. You owe me that." He stood over her and that threatening manner was reappearing; he was using his size and presence to intimidate her. Ash sat back in the chair.

"What about what you did to me? Does that not even feature in this? Has your mother forgotten how you cast me aside like a used cloth? How I wept on the phone to her? Have you forgotten how you ignored every attempt I made to speak to you?"

Russell put his hands on either side of her chair and leant over her; she felt herself shrink away. "You spurned me. You denied me. You threw my relationship with my mother in my face. Don't expect me to feel sorry for walking out on that."

Ash recognised the moment and felt powerless to stop them hurtling downwards towards some nightmarish conclusion. "Whatever you want, Russ. I'm not going to argue with you. Please, don't lose it."

He blinked a few times and she saw the twitching of the cords in his neck; suddenly he seemed to realise what he was doing and saying and he sank to his knees and took her face in his hands. "I'm...sorry. I don't know why I said those things. I don't know where they came from..."

"They came from you. You're repressing things. That is not good. Maybe you should see someone?"

He sprang back. "What? Like a fucking shrink? You crazy? There's nothing wrong with me, mate. Maybe you ought to get your head looked at, though. Look, Ash. I've asked you to marry me and have my children. There are thousands waiting in that fucking queue. Don't see you getting any other offers. Grab it while you can. It might not always be on special. And just you remember I'm calling the shots. You do what I say and like it. Get used to it."

He stormed out of the kitchen and the house. She heard the squeal of tyres and he was gone. A call from Mark later alerted her that he would not be home that night; he was taking a trip. Ash was pretty sure she knew where he was going. He was too far away to run back to Mummy - there was only one other person who could stand in for that role.  She was somewhere in Europe making a film. The prickle of doubt and uncertainty was rising again; the pendulum was swinging out of her reach.

It was Sunday night late when he walked into the bedroom. Ash was lying in the dark, a long way from sleep. He began to undress, throwing down his shirt and T-shirt, kicking off his boots and socks and then he sat down on a chair and just lay back, thinking. Ash watched him until she thought he had gone to sleep. She sat up and he immediately reacted.

"I thought you were asleep," he muttered.

"I can't sleep."

"I've been to see her."

"I know."

He shot her a glance; she could see his eyes glinting. "How?"

"I just knew you would."

"And what else do you know?" His tone was cutting.

"I know that there will always be other people in your life who have claims on you. If I don't accept that now, then I will be hurt again."

He stood up and nodded. He sat on the bed and took her hand. "Do you want to know what happened?"

Ash shook her head. "No. Either way, I don't want to know. It won't really solve anything, Russ. You're with me, not her. That has to be enough, doesn't it?"

He rolled in beside her. "Things are not always what they seem. Sometimes I need other things but it doesn't change you and me. Nothing will ever change that. It's how I am. You always knew that."

Ash stroked his chest. "About another baby..."

"I talked it out with her. She agrees with you. We will wait. Ash, hold me. I need you to hold me."

He buried his head against her breast and she circled his shoulders with her arms. He had spoken of their private life with another woman. How hard did that hurt? He had listened to someone else and taken her advice - another arrow in the heart. 'He is back and in my arms.  But just how low will he make me sink before he has me where he wants me?' And then there were the other unwished for images that slithered before her closed eyes. Where had this heart-to-heart taken place? Had he been in her arms last night?

As he began to make love to her, pulling his jeans off and pushing her sleep shorts aside, she stared at the ceiling. It was as if she was watching something happen rather than being part of it. For the first time his touch did not arouse her and she simply responded out of instinct. She was gentle and open to him but he seemed unaware of her state. He entered her and thrust deeply, grunting and raking his hands over her body. It was not painful or unpleasant; he was not unkind or punishing. It was just distant and sad. Ash cried quietly as he rolled from her and turned his back, soon asleep. But tomorrow was another day. They would just have to start re-building again.