Whenever Ash thought of that evening in the years after, it seemed that everything had happened in slow motion. Russell had carried her to the bed and sat her on the edge. Then he knelt down in front of her and took her hands. "I'm going to love you, not fuck you. I'll never do that to you. There is a difference, even when we do things that you might not have done before. It's like a journey of discovery, Ash, into ourselves. We are going to find out things about our bodies that we didn't know and we are going to use ourselves to show each other how we feel. Don't ever be scared of me. I need a lot of sex - sometimes more than you might want - just kick my arse out of bed if I bother you too much. And if you don't want to do something - just say. I won't ever push you."

Ash ran her hands through his short hair; he had promised to grow it out for her when the film was over; she had seen pictures of him with it long and couldn't believe how different it made him look. "I'll do anything with you. I trust you. Don't be worried about your sex drive. What's wrong with wanting your girl? Even if it's morning, noon and night, I'd take that as a compliment!" He smiled and gave her a steamy look, aware full well of his ability to manipulate women with just one look.

Then he got serious again, his blue green eyes intense: "We have to talk about contraception. You told me once you can't take the pill. If you can't, I want you to get something fitted or use injections. I don't want to use rubbers with you all the time. I will at first because you need to trust that I'm clean. I'll get a test done next week. I'm sure I'm clear but you never know; I sometimes go where I shouldn't...." He said that will almost a sad recognition of his frailty; even an admission that while they had been seeing each other he had not been entirely faithful. Somehow she was more grateful for his honesty than if he had tried to shine her on. It seemed to tell her that he was not prepared to fake anything, even to make her feel better. He was what he was and now was intending to offer her his full commitment - and it was not something he gave up lightly. "...But not anymore. From this night on there will be no one else. I promise.  I love you."

It was a startling declaration but somehow typical of him. Russell just didn't operate by the ground rules set by others. Ash knew then she would trust him with her life.

"I love you, Russ. Forever. Completely. No compromise. Total honesty. Never change. Whatever happens. Will you trust me?"

She never got her reply. He pushed her back on to the bed and lay above her, supporting his weight on his upper arms and holding her head in his hands, kissing her so passionately that it was beyond words or poems or songs or gifts. And then he began to make love to her. He knelt back down between her parted legs and slowly raised her vest, pulling it from her arms and tossing it away, to return to her naked breasts with his eyes smouldering. "You are so beautiful... Your breasts are..." but even Russell couldn't speak anymore as he devoured her nipple with his mouth and swept his hands over her other breast to caress it to hardness and knead the soft fullness in his thick fingers.

Ash could feel his erection pressing against her groin and longed to reach for it but he was pinning her down in such a way as to prevent her from moving. Instead she ran her hands through his hair, over his neck and shoulders, shivering at the feel of the hard muscle and sheer power in his upper body. Was his lower body hiding as much power?

Suddenly he disengaged his left hand from her breast and with his palm outstretched, his hand glided down her belly, pressing down as if stimulating her internal organs along with her external. And then he slipped his hand beneath the waistband of her pants, his thumb still circling her navel as his fingers roamed through her soft hair; they both murmured at the same time; her at the feel of his large hands and the span they could encompass on her smaller body and he at the realisation that she was naked beneath.

Pulling back enough to free her pants and ease them down her legs, Ash raising her hips slightly to aid him, Russell looked at her and caught her eyes: "I need to see you." Need not want. There is a difference. Ash noticed his eyes seemed to have changed in colour; they did that a lot depending on the light and sometimes his mood. Now they were light and moist and yet somehow more hazy, almost as though he were drunk. On one beer? Or just on the taste and smell of her?

As the soft trousers fell to the floor and he parted her thighs again, she watched him lower those smoky eyes and sit back to stare at her unashamed nakedness. Ash saw herself lying there before him, he still fully dressed, and felt as if she was offering herself to him - not in submission but as a gift. He stroked her inner thighs and gently used his thumbs to open out her folds and then he simply looked at her as if trying to imprint the memory of her on his mind. His head cocked to one side in that mannerism he had and although his mouth was closed and his face was still, his thoughts seemed to pass across; this was how he was able to show emotion even when in stillness - but now the emotions were his alone, not the words of a scriptwriter.

"What is it, sweetie?" Ash whispered.

"Your cunt is so perfect. Except for that birthmark. That makes it even better." He touched the brown birthmark on her labia and she felt her flesh shiver at the feel of him.  "It's like a thumbprint. My thumbprint. I'm claiming it anyway - like a flag on the moon.... I claim this cunt in the name of Russell Crowe!" He giggled at his own silliness. Ash loved him a little bit more then if it were possible. No man had ever mentioned her birthmark before; in fact she herself had been a little ashamed of it when she had first discovered it as a curious teenager with a mirror.  She also loved the way he didn't call it her pussy or any other silly name. He picked the simplest and most direct term of reference and it sounded for once like an endearment not a profanity.

"Honey, much as I love you to enjoy me with your eyes, I'm beginning to get so wet and itchy that I think I might explode if you don't do something soon. And what about my eyes? Don't they need something to feast on?" Ash whispered softly to him, as he seemed transfixed by her body.

Russell shook himself imperceptibly. "I get a bit soppy sometimes. You'll have to excuse me. Now where was I?" 

"Your pants, Russ. Can I take them off, please?"

"Why certainly, ma'am!" He stood up before her, his hands on his hips, waiting like a little boy for his Mum to undress him. Ash needed no encouragement. She knelt on the bed and unbuttoned, then slowly eased down the fly. He put his hand down the front and she soon realised why - he had nothing on beneath and it could have been a painful accident if he had got anything caught in the zipper. "Just a precaution," he smiled rolling his eyes. With care, Ash hooked her thumbs into the side of his jeans and pushed them down his thighs, he helping her overcome the obstacle that was straining to go in the opposite direction, and then she sat back in awe, her eyes widening at the sight of his cock. Ash had touched it before but never seen it unfurled and it was beyond even her imagination. "It's so beautiful!" she gasped. "It's so...thick! It will never fit!" She found herself spluttering as she reached out a hand to hold it.

He grinned at her girlish outburst. "Don't worry. It fits all sizes. I've checked it out a few times. Anyway, you'd better get it in or how do you think you're going to manage giving birth to my son one day? His head will be thicker than that-  not to mention his shoulders." Russell gave a self-satisfied smirk.

"Jesus - can I change my mind, Crowe? Or book a Caesarian now?" Ash giggled to cover her utter confusion at how he had slipped that admission in as easily as if they had been discussing it for years. He was already thinking of children. This was it. The one she was destined to be with all her life. The father of her children. She had never thought sex could be like this. Not about lust and desire but something deeper and more profound. It made every other sexual encounter fade away to nothingness. She felt like a virgin in this uncharted land.

But Russ blithely spoiled the moment, much as she herself had done, by lapsing into bravado and away from sentiment. Perhaps he was right. They needed to see each other as lovers too before they overwhelmed each other with the strength of other urges. "No chance. By the way, I've been reliably informed it tastes as good as it looks..."

Ash took the hint and it did. Once she got the hang of how to handle him, that was. She soon found his weak spot. Rolling his skin back softly, she flickered her tongue under his ridge and over the glans ...he almost jumped, his eyes fluttering, his tongue on his lip, struggling against the pleasure. "I think you better lie down before you do yourself some damage, baby," Ash whispered as he sank first to his knees and then to join her on the bed.

Side by side and naked at last, no desire anymore to talk or tease, they grabbed each other's bodies and indulged in what they had both been dreaming of for so long.  Despite his earlier warnings, there was nothing particularly extreme about the sex they enjoyed that day. They were both satiated enough on the touch and feel and taste and smell of each other not to need further inducements. Ash spun round to return to his cock; she had waited for it so long that she didn't want to leave it alone. Russell feasted himself on her, his tongue doing exquisite damage; one minute hard and thrusting into her; next long and rasping as it licked her slit; then soft and feather-like as it flicked around her vulva and teased and nibbled her clitoris. Ash thought she would faint with pleasure, having to pull away from him in case she hurt him as her head suddenly bucked backwards or her teeth bit down in surprise. It was impossible to keep her mind on her task with his expertise on a woman's body. It was hard to imagine this was the first time he had ever touched her. Was he just a master or had those months of slow and lasting knowledge of each other really made such a difference? He did know her in the real sense and that added to his love for her guided his lovemaking.

She gave up touching him and rolled back to let him feast, watching how his eyes, although lowered, never closed; this man loved to watch. Every part of his face seemed to be lost in her; his beard was doing amazing things to any part he wasn't actually touching, his nose was an extra stimulant and could work her clit up all on its own. He buried himself in her, inhaled sensuously, rubbed her juices all over him as if he could not get enough of her sex. Every so often he would stop and simply breathe on her and that alone was enough to make her writhe. "Make me come, make me come!" she stammered.

"Tell me what you want," he commanded, pulling back and watching her lazily, touching himself as he listened.

"I want... put your fingers in me. Lick my clit. Drink my juices. Smell me...OH GOD! RUSS! OH GOD!" Ash came in a searing shudder; her thighs clamped so hard against his head that she wondered if he could even breathe. The noises he was making sounded either like someone choking or someone having a very good time indeed. As she managed to part her legs and free him, she knew it was the latter. He looked like the cat who'd got the cream. Indeed he actually was.

"Christ - you've got some firm thighs there, love. You could kill a man with those," Russell giggled as he eased himself out. Ash couldn't help but burst out laughing herself at his cheeky grin.

"Do you ever shut up? Get up here and fuck me, Crowe! Or is this infamous stamina of yours just supermarket gossip?"

With a roar, Russell picked her up and threw her back on the pillows. "You want fucking? I'll give you fucking! And then I'll root you. And then I'll shag you. And then I'll bone you. And then I'll jump you till your bones rattle- and if you're still conscious- then I'll start all over again..."he growled as he covered her, held her hands above her head and rutted shamelessly against her rubbing his aching cock against her tender flesh.

He was probably a bit over-confident that time. Even his sterling control was under siege after he had been waiting for this moment for several months. However when he had rolled on a condom (he never forgot, no matter how eager he was, she had to give him that) and had moistened his fingers in her juices and rubbed his shaft for some lubrication, his first thrust was enough to make up for any promise not fulfilled. Ash groaned as he pushed inside her. How could she take him all? But, as she relaxed and breathed deeply and as he set up a slow and gentle rhythm, her body woke up to his possibilities and she just swallowed him up.

His deep moan of appreciation as he reached his limit and then pulled back to treat himself again was a turn on in itself. Russell was so vocal, so verbal, so hopelessly unable to hold back at a time like this. She had that sense again that she was a virgin, that sex had never felt like this before. Russell was going places that no man had gone before. "I'm going to call you Enterprise," she muttered in his ear completely apropos of nothing.

"What?" he asked as he roughly took her legs and wrapped them round his waist and grunted: "Deeper!" Eloquent Russell had given way to Monosyllabic Russell. Ash decided she liked him in this creation just as much. He was completely out of it, totally caught up in the moment, obviously aware of nothing but his sensations and her complete arousal.

 "Gonna come!"  he gasped as he banged her harder and harder.

 "Me too." Ash cried.

 "Say it!" he shouted.

 "I'm com...AH... FUCK! RUSS! MORE! JESUS....!!!." Her screams were drowned out by the howl he let out as he burst into her, pumping over and over again in spasms, his breath ragged and heavy.

They fell against the pillows, he instinctively leaning on his side to shield her from his weight. Ash felt him slip out of her and moaned softly. "Stay inside." "Can't. Too late." She saw him pull the condom off and look around; Ash passed him a tissue and he wrapped it and threw it in the waste bin. Most guys just slung it anywhere, she thought.

Russell pulled her to him and cradled her head against his chest, wrapping his legs through hers. "Too fast this time. Wanted you too much. Wanted it to be better than that..." He was still struggling with full sentences.

"Better than that?" Ash gasped. "My God, could my heart stand better than that? That's the best fuck I've ever had." 

Russell put his finger against her lip to stop her words; it smelt of her.

"It wasn't a fuck. I made love to you- remember? And it will get better. Much better. Just see." His voice was soft and deep and no longer was he playing the fool. This was his finest side - Russell when he unleashed his emotional heart.

"What do you want to do?" Ash murmured as they lay entangled in the rumpled sheets. He had already done much better and they had had only been in bed an hour. He was lying across the bed, his head almost hanging off the side, his body splayed out, resplendent in his naked glory.

"Bored already?" he replied, still sharp despite the fact he looked as if he was about to doze off.

"No, but I'm too animated to sleep! I want to do something." Ash insisted, drumming on his chest impatiently.

He groaned. "Why do women always say that? I want to sleep, Ash. I'm knackered."

"...So what happened to the legendary stamina? Knew it was all talk." Ash giggled and grabbed his flaccid cock squeezing it hopefully. He winced and removed her hands.

"I've just given you the best seeing to you've had in your life, darlin' - twice- what exactly do you think is enough?" he yawned and rolled over on his front displaying his finely shaped bum as he settled his head into the pillow

"...Oh, you can never have enough of some things, Russie baby. Money- shoes- sex, isn't that what they say? It's a given."

Russell muttered into the pillow. "My wallet's in my jacket- go and buy yourself some shoes while I kip." He rolled the sheet over him and slipped onto his back throwing a hand over his face. Ash could see she was losing the battle as he closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep immediately. She wondered how do men did that, especially at a time like this when to her she felt like she had just discovered the meaning of life.

She sat up and looked fondly at him as he slept. It was the first chance she had had to feast her eyes on him and had he been awake he would have been making quips and clever remarks and not allowed her the leisure to simply admire him. Pulling the sheet from him, noticing that he was already so deeply asleep that he didn't even stir, she enjoyed the luxury of staring at him.

Asleep he was more vulnerable and seemed younger. Sometimes he could do that even awake, suddenly seeming like a teenager or a man in his twenties despite his beard and thickset frame. But in relaxation she realised that his mature masculinity was as much a pose as everything about him; fundamentally, he was a little boy rather lost in a complicated world. Maybe we never really lose the child we once were, she thought,  but some of us carry it around more noticeably than others.

His naked body was quite breathtaking in its sheer maleness. There was not one feature that wasn't distinctly masculine except for his long thick eyelashes- and of course, they were his killer blow. He was deceptive when dressed because the bulk of his upper torso belied the finely sculptured lines of his musculature, and the narrow firmness of his shapely butt and legs were masked by the powerful thighs and the bulge of his genitals. Dressed he looked to be a bigger man than he really was. And yet, you couldn't deny that in all the areas men carry muscle, he was overloaded. Ash had never seen such shoulders and his biceps and his pectorals were huge- yet he never seemed interested in his body other than the necessary preparation that he took for a role. It wasn't a created body but a natural gift that Russ took for granted and probably treated carelessly. Certainly the booze, cigarettes and indulgent attitude to food seemed to suggest that.

Ash wondered how many women had done what she was doing and admired him like this. It was something she had never done before to a man, even those whose bodies had been worth a look. Naked male bodies had never been of prurient interest to her; she had never found male pinups appealing. A man's attraction for her had been part of his general appearance and personality and the effect it had on her. But Russ made her feel different. Loving him was one thing but she lusted after him quite unashamedly.

As he lay there, oblivious to her intrusive observation, she searched him hungrily with her eyes, turned on by everything she saw- especially his hair. He had such thick, strong hair on his head, his beard growing so luxuriant and almost down his neck but his body hair was lighter and surprisingly sparse for a man so hirsute elsewhere. His chest hair was golden brown and sprinkled liberally but not that bearish type of growth that some men have, even on their backs. The ring of hair around his navel that fanned out to spear down his lower belly down was brown and soft as was the hair under his arms. His legs and thighs were furred with curly hair but it was light and unobtrusive unless she looked closely. But the hair curled round his cock was as thick and brown as the hair on his head and it was such an erotic comparison.

She knew how much he would roar with laughter if he saw her fascination with him and she was glad he could not observe her. She also knew that if she gave him this much attention when awake that she would never get to see his cock flaccid - and she wanted to. It was lying resting on his thigh- she wondered if it always lay to the right- and it was such a fine and sturdy shape, so healthy and strong. It took a great deal of self control to leave it be and not pick it up and hold it just to feel its velvet softness when it was un-aroused, and to pull back the skin to reveal the dark pink head fully exposed.

His scrotum was the crowning glory- no doubt the seat of his belligerent nature- heavy and long, with solid balls. She had never recognised the sheer virility in a man's sac until now. It almost spoke- 'Don't mess with me!' And yet the whole was somehow vulnerable. Whatever men pretend, they protect their manhoods, between their legs, behind their palms, reluctant to expose themselves to any impact or attack. So the sight of him lying, legs apart and trusting, was so touching and so fragile to her. Ash kissed his penis lightly and covered him over as he murmured and moved his legs, but slept on. Then she got up and sat by the window and kept watch over his sleeping form. 'I will never let anyone harm you. I will keep you safe,' she vowed.

Russell slept for almost two hours while Ash just sat and thought about the present and the changes that could lie ahead for her with a man like him. It was clear that everything in her life was now different and that she would have to re-evaluate exactly what she wanted both from life and from this relationship. But all that would have to wait. For now she was going to allow herself the glorious luxury of love and stop analysing this amazing turn of events. Against all the odds this unpredictable and endlessly fascinating man had fallen in love with her and she knew that he would make demands that would take some measure of sacrifice.

But the rewards! Ash knew that his love would compensate her a hundredfold for anything she had to lose. But that was when the cost seemed reasonable. Who would imagine what was lying waiting in this man's life just a matter of less than a year ahead?  

Russell finally woke with a start and blinked, obviously bemused by his unfamiliar surroundings - and then he did what most men do when they wake up: stretch and scratch his balls. Ash burst out laughing from her vantage point at the window and he turned to her. "What's so funny, then?"

She grinned back. "Men. Why do you always have to check your balls are still there when you wake up?"

Russell lifted up the sheet cautiously and faked relief to find it was as it should be. "'Cos I'm sleeping with a ball breaker like you, love. You should be so lucky, anyway - at least I didn't do my second favourite thing on waking..."

"...Shut up!" Ash moaned. "You are so disgusting. Why are men so obsessed with shit and farting?" She flung herself down into the bed next to him, belying her feigned horror at his words.

"Why are women so anal about it? Don't pretend you don't enjoy it as much as we do," he teased back, rolling her over and tickling her

She pushed him away squealing. "Russell- we don't feel the need to sit around having farting competitions or boasting about the size of the dump we've just had. That's so pathetic. It's like a baby whose just used the potty for the first time!"

He snorted, sitting up and reaching for his cigarettes. "Get over it," he mumbled lighting one. "You lot sit around talking about periods, vaginal discharges and labour- so don't talk to me about bum fixations. That's all we blokes've got to keep us amused."

Ash pulled his cigarette from his lips and took a drag before sticking it back. "You've forgotten  about boasting about your dicks and your  sexual conquests. Oh, and also who can piss the furthest. Could you imagine a group of women comparing their tits or how long they could wee for?  We've more dignity than that you see. And you would never get us showering together after a football match either. But then, we don't usually have homoerotic tendencies- or whatever the female equivalent is...except in male fantasy..."

Ash had him now. Russell loved a good argument and the sleep had refreshed him. Jumping out of bed, he  walked to the bathroom, urinated noisily and continued talking over his shoulder through the open door as he stood there legs parted firmly and scratching himself as he grunted with pleasure.

Suddenly: "Bet you've done it with a girl." He never pulled his punches.

"Have you put the seat up?" Ash shouted trying to ignore his provocative comment.

"Don't change the subject," he shot right back at her "... and yes, I am house trained, ya know. My mother makes us clean it up if we don't. Bet you have though. Been with a woman..."

"Russ- that is just a male fantasy, you know it is. You guys always like to think of a threesome with you as the jam in the sandwich..."

"...You still haven't answered the question," he reminded me." Have you or have you not shagged a woman?"

"No. I have not. Well, not exactly anyway...." She replied hesitantly.

"Ha! Got you. You either have or you haven't, love."

Ash blushed as he returned and threw himself back in bed. "Well...I did once sleep with a friend at Uni- just out of curiosity. I knew she was bi and I stayed over when I couldn't get a taxi one night. She said 'Let's share a bed and no strings' but I guess I was a bit drunk and thought- what the hell...I just wondered if I would like it..."

He rubbed his hands at that. "So you did! Everyone wants to. Whatever they say. It's natural to be curious. What happened? Go on...tell me..."

"I'm not feeding your fantasies, mate. Suffice it to say, she showed me what girls do to each other and I enjoyed it but I didn't go back for more."

"Passive, eh? Or did you have a taste of her?"

Ash gave him a saucy look. "I'm not telling.... Not unless you do...." She sat up cross legged and folded her arms.

"Unless I what?" he asked but he was grinning.

"Everyone does, you said. It's only natural, you said. So- have you done a bloke? "Come on, spill, Crowe..."

He snorted. "Me? Piss off! You think I'm a poofta?"

"No...I think we can safely say that isn't one of your lifestyle choices but that's exactly what I asked.  Have you done it with a bloke. Or is there actually something you won't talk about, hey?"

He sniffed, lit up another cigarette and put on a wry face, pointing at her thoughtfully. "OK. Straight up. I was making this film  a few years back - you know how I like research- and I thought I better cruise the gay bars. Got picked up pretty quick- actually they were all over me like flies on warm shit, as you can imagine..." Ash groaned at his cocky arrogance. "Anyway, I let on I was interested. Way I saw it was if I was going to grope a guy on set with loads of people getting an eyeful, I better get used to it. So I went home with him."

Ash's eyes widened. "And...?" 

"Your turn now, love. So you and this girl went to bed and..."

"Russ! She did the usual. Tits and went down on me and then she used a vibrator. Nothing special."

"You just lay there? Took it like a little whore did ya?" He giggled dragging deep and waggling his eyebrows as he blew smoke out at her.

Ash brushed it away in annoyance. "I was shy. OK, I tried but it didn't do anything for me. I didn't like the feel or the taste, if you must know. Satisfied then?"

"Not really. But I'll come back to that one when I've got you warmed up some day soon. I have so many ways of making women talk! Me? What did I do? I fucked him - if you must know," he aped her comment in almost identical cadence. "...and let him suck me off. But I wasn't interested in letting him give it to me. Call me butch." Russ grinned and acted in an overtly mincing fashion.

"I can't believe that! Actually I can. You are such a dirty bugger, aren't you, literally! But did you enjoy it?"

"I came didn't I? Twice. But it was only for the sake of authenticity. I don't really like hairy arses, myself. However- those bum bandits certainly know how to blow..."

Ash shook her head at his crudity but she wasn't going to be beaten. "So you've never been bum fucked then? I thought you'd done it all. Well, perhaps we'll return to that some day when I have you warmed up. I have ways of making men talk..." Ash repeated his earlier threat and he laughed loudly at her cheek.  She opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a box. "My little girl's best friend here. Perhaps I can find another use for it one day!" Ash opened it and showed him her vibrator. He quailed at the girth of it

"Jesus- you're not sticking that up me!" he snapped.

"Want a bet? I'll have you begging for it. Just you wait." Ash returned it to the drawer with a seductive glance.

Russell shook his head. "You will find that quite a task, Ashie...I can assure you of that..."

"Now- how about a shower then, chicken? Let's get you nice and clean and then I'll decide what I'm going to do with you next," Ash giggled, dragging him up off the bed and pulling him to the bathroom.

In the shower it was not long before he was distinctly amorous again. The sleep hadn't just woken up his love of an argument. He seemed to be returning to Romantic Russell, washing her front languidly with his large hands and nuzzling behind, whispering tenderly in her ears about how beautiful she was and how he loved her and what she did to him. Then he pulled away and began to stroke her back cupping her buttocks in his hands and sighing: "You have such a killer butt, love. Makes me sweat. I used to watch you bouncing around that set in Morocco with those tight khaki shorts, bare brown legs and Caterpillars and I'd have to tighten my loincloth to cut off the circulation..."he teased

Ash swung round and looked at it. "I hate my bum. It sticks out. Skirts never hang straight- I put curves in them..."

That made him laugh. "Women are mental. It's that pert little ass that does it for us every time! I like tits as much as the next bloke but a perky little bum in my face...." He groaned and bent her over against the tiled wall, kneeling down and parting her cheeks with his hands. Suddenly Ash let out a startled screech as his tongue ran round the tight ring and fluttered sensually around. Russell stood up and held her to him as she wriggled, using his cock to rub the area more roughly..

"Sorry, love, just got carried away. You drive me wild..." he mumbled as he nuzzled on her neck and played with the damp curls between her legs.

Ash spun round in his arms and looked up at him, the water running down his chest. "I'm not angry! You can touch me wherever you like, baby. I'm your playground. I just wasn't expecting you to shove your tongue in that particular orifice at that moment. Give me a bit of warning. Or let me pass you some Vaseline. I think I may need some help if you decide to introduce your todger into that scenario, God help me - the thought of one of your thick fingers alone gives me hot flushes." She giggled, realising that he seemed genuinely upset that he might have offended her.

But he changed his mood again on a sixpence. "Not now - too soon for that sort of caper. But I will one of these days. Couldn't keep my hands off it. And I'll even possibly let you loose with that machine of yours. But for now..." Russell pulled her to him and kissed her.  The water ran cold and they snapped it off.... "Let's get dry and dirty again..."

They were both starving after their third trip to Paradise and decided to hit the kitchen. Ash slipped on his T-shirt and he put on his shorts; it was a warm summer evening; they would have been quite comfortable naked but, her flat looked over a children's play park and it was too hot to close the curtains. Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, watching TV, they ate steak and salad and washed it down with a strong Rioja while they talked. Russell's acute mind was already thinking of work looming on Monday morning. He rarely left the subject of the film alone for long as it worried on his mind all the time.

"So," he began with an intense look on his face, "You reckon Max really didn't get any for two years, however many days and this morning plus the remaining two and three quarter hours of the film?" he queried.

Ash shrugged. "In reality, not a chance, Russ. Romans just didn't operate like that. Sure he was a Stoic (which was about 150 years out of date, by the way, then- so he was an old fashioned boy) and sure he loved his wife; Romans were just as capable of that as people today. But their notions about sexuality and fidelity were different. The Romans treated sex like another bodily function. A man needed it. He took it. That was one of the duties of slaves - part of the deal. However, as Romans were into moderation in all things as an ideal- they didn't like losing control - this self- regulated their behaviour in the most part, if they were honourable. But it didn't stop it. Also, they generally didn't have a lot of sex with their wives. It was thought a bit unseemly to use your wife like that. So they got them up the spout and then that was it- usually no sex throughout the pregnancy and while she was feeding- which could have been for up to two years. So if Max has been away nearly three years that wouldn't be an unusual amount of time not to screw your wife. He's a career soldier. The general. Gets his pick of captive women, camp followers, local tarts and probably some of the officers' wives, too. Women were also quite free about sex after they were married. Once they'd had kids, their husbands turned a blind eye to a bit of 'how's your father' with the boyfriend..."

He listened carefully and seemed amused. "So he wouldn't have loved his wife in the way we mean...?"

"Oh, yes. They knew love. Wrote about it a lot. Preferred it with mistresses but they did fall in love with their wives. But I don't think that's the only thing that drives Maximus. He's in love with her, clearly, but it's also about honour and duty and family obligation- and don't forget the son. He would be even more important in the equation than the wife - the film kind of glosses over that.  The son is the future- the heir- posterity. Through him Maximus fulfils his obligation to his ancestors to continue the line. And that's more important almost than anything. So his actions after their death are more complex in their nature..."

"...What about men? Must have been plenty of pooftas in a legion. How common was homosexuality?"

Ash weighed that one up. "Sure, they had sex with each other- the legionaries were not allowed to marry and they signed up for 20 years. Many formed allegiances with local girls but there was also plenty of shagging in the bath house- it was tolerated although not encouraged. The Romans weren't like the Greeks, they thought it unmanly on the whole. It was OK to fuck a boy - that doesn't seem to bother them at all, but not to be fucked by a guy- so you'd be in the clear, sonny. Max would have done the lot after a lifetime in the ranks. But it is a long way from saying he is gay or bi or any of the modern descriptors. It is simply a totally different moral code.  He would have no qualms about sex and might probably have even done his horse as well- so that's why he misses Argento and Scarto so much, is it?" She added, teasing him. Russell pulled a face.

"Seriously though. I made them cut the scene where he gives Lucilla one in the cell. Preferred to keep him as the good boy and just give her a good smackeroo. Then the audience can make their mind up whether it went any further. You didn't object to that when it was discussed."

Ash nodded thoughtfully. "In the context of the drama, it was the right thing. The film is not reality. You were true to the film. But they did go further, didn't they? I believe that they did make love that night. There is no way he could have resisted that and no reason for him to do so. But it is better to keep that as a point of discussion, isn't it? So many films forget that to be too revealing spoils the element of imagination that you need to carry you into the story. Some people might prefer to believe he did not and stayed true in a more conventional modern sense..."

"Exactly." Russell seemed pleased at her comment. "You think Lucius is his son? I was trying to give that impression although I've never heard anyone else mention it. At least, I think Max thinks he might be."

"His son's a similar age to his own. That would mean he was playing away after his marriage. Do you think he might also suffer from some guilt about that towards his wife? Not always loving her enough when he was younger and more wild?"

"Good point, Ash. He's got a conscience and that would make him all the more wounded by causing her death. Because he did. It was bloodymindedness that made him spurn Commodus. Quintus saw that. You have to look to the future. Max was a fucking idiot. He should have played Commodus and got the fuck out."

"No, Russ. He couldn't have done. He was marked the minute Marcus Aurelius was dead. The successor always removes the potential rivals and top generals are the main threats. The man who holds the armies holds Rome. The family always get wiped out. I don't think they'd have crucified them or burnt them for that matter but that's a bit of poetic licence. She would have possibly got the option of suicide and of killing her son first - but Commodus was a nutter and may well have demanded her rape and something more brutal. But not crucifixion. That was only for non- citizens. I can't see the mentality behind that. I did oppose that but lost out to the director who wanted that to stand. I suppose the symbolic thing of them hanging there and just the feet revealed was a cinematic moment worth bending the rules for."

"It comes together well then? People will find it believable?" Russell seemed to be having some doubts, even at this late stage, where everyone else was feeling that they had a winner on his hands. But for all his arrogance there was a seam of insecurity lying beneath the swagger. Ash thought that was probably always the case with people who appear to be dogmatic and cocksure. They are trying to convince themselves as much as others.

"There are always going to be the nit pickers who will find fault. We will have slipped up inadvertently no matter how hard we have tried but it's the essence that has to work - and I think it does. It's like The Odyssey or another epic. It has to have a resonance both today and in the ancient world to work for us. It isn't a history documentary and one should never seek to do that with drama."

"...And he has to die, doesn't he? I fought for that. I don't want any shit about him riding off into the sunset with Lucilla and the son."

Ash agreed. "Like the kiss scene. You have to think he's dead. But maybe he isn't. Who knows? That's the best ending. Keep people open minded." Russell nodded thoughtfully.

"...My next film's a modern one, I think. But I play an ex-soldier in that, too. I'm just reading the first drafts. Kidnap and hostage drama - grown up stuff, not Arnie cartoon violence. Want to look at it?" He searched in his holdall and pulled out an already dog eared and annotated copy.

She spent the next hour leafing through the script he had thrown at her. "You committed?"

"More or less. Fancy it. Tough guy with brains. Want to change him to an Aussie, though. Sick of fucking dialogue coaches."

Ash smiled. "Who plays the woman? You need somebody who can act to pull this off. Hard to make her sympathetic if she's ready to screw the soldier boy while the husband's going through the mill..."

"Don't know. Someone mentioned Meg Ryan. They need a big name..."

"Meg Ryan? That airhead? I was thinking more of Cate Blanchett, Julianne Moore or someone like that. Someone with depth and luminosity..."

"..Quite fancy Meg Ryan, actually..."Russell answered bluntly. Ash threw a cushion at him. "Don't even think it, you oversexed animal." She laughed as she launched herself at him, knocking her wine glass over and frankly not caring. They made out again amongst the debris of the meal, forgetting about the open curtains and the window. Several children spent an interesting half hour entertained by the grunts and moans emanating from the floor above them until various parents dragged them in for early baths. Ash would have been mortified if she had realised how far his deep voice carried.

The film wrapped and at long last they had some time together. Ash was not due back to University until October and they took the opportunity for a holiday together. Russell never said as much but Ash suspected that at the back of his mind he knew that things were about to change for him and in a major way his life was never going to be quite the same again. These months of comparative anonymity might soon be over for good. It was an idyllic time. They travelled Europe in the summer and wandered about, unknown and un-remarked, staying in a vast array of hotels from top of the range luxury to simple inns on holiday islands. Later they would both would look back on that time as a halcyon summer when all things seemed possible. They were in love, inseparable and deliriously happy. Russell felt calmer and more grounded than he had ever done before. His career was where he wanted it to be. Parts were pouring in until he could choose at will. His reputation as a fine character actor was widely accepted and now he was also seen as a name who could carry a film alone. What else was there to achieve?

It was now time for the life he had neglected for so long and yet had always dreamed possible. His desire to be a husband and father was long standing, openly sacrificed to his professional ambition. He had loved and lost many times on account of his innate understanding that until the beast within him was satisfied, whatever romantic notions he possessed were only ever going to be that. And he had no interest in some short-lived marriage that ended in a divorce court with his children torn apart. He'd seen enough of that in his life already.

It looked like the numbers were clicking into place this time. His career was set, his family was looked after, his farm was running and successful, his on and off musical aspirations were ticking over nicely and now, just at the right moment, he had met the one he had always been waiting for. A woman of intelligence, spirit and beauty who would love him for what he was, not what she thought he might be. Aisling was not interested in Russell Crowe. She was interested in him. That summer they hardly had a single cross word other than the usual little niggles any couple could expect. Nothing much seemed to rile him. He was easy and affable. No moody bad behaviour took over him to blight their time together. He never felt bored or restless when he was with her.

And falling asleep or waking in her arms he had never felt so safe before. With her at his side, no one could reach him. The drinking and brawling and outrageous self-destructive behaviour of which he was capable would have no place in his world now. That had been the result of the loneliness he had suffered through the years of making it to the top. He would never have to be alone again.

Russell then took Ash back to Australia; she was now officially introduced to the folks as his girlfriend. Ash saw a change in him when he returned home. In one way he was even more laid back and relaxed than ever, delighted to be back home but a different kind of stress assailed him here. For a start, he was known: a real celebrity whose personal life was closely scrutinised. He was also given to an uneasy relationship with the press who appeared, in typical Australian fashion, to like to cut him down even while being endlessly fascinated by him. Then there was the fast set he ran with who soon sucked him back into their heavy drinking and carousing ways. She was often left at the apartment alone. He was sometimes not even back the next morning.

It was different when they went up to the farm or when they drove across the vast empty spaces of this beautiful and endless alluring wilderness. There he seemed to recapture that inner man who was at ease with himself. But the longer Russell spent away from the day job, the more Ash recognised in him a hunger that was not being fulfilled - and the first real signs of melancholy, self doubt and boredom hit. The resulting behaviour was not always pleasant. There were some quarrels. Most were relatively minor but a few were real bust ups and left a sense of menacing unease. Sometimes Ash longed to go back home for a time, to regain some normality, as if she needed a reality check to ascertain if this roller coaster he had taken her on was really what she hoped it to be.

And then he would come to her, heartbroken and full of regret. How could any woman refuse him like that? Peace would reign and they would settle back to that inner world they shared where they could behave like any other man and woman on the brink of a shared future.

Ash knew he might not be an easy man but he was the only one she would ever want again. He was her life. He held her heart. She'd rather be blue with him than coasting along with a lesser passion. And so the summer in Europe became winter in Oz and then it gave way to back to England for the autumn term while he returned to his outside engagements. It was a sad time, the first time in six months that they had been apart, but he would be back and forth every few weeks and there was Christmas to look forward to in Australia

Not to mention the rest of their lives.