"Are you sure you can handle this?"

I look up from where I'm resting on the couch at our place in Sydney. Lissy's planned one of her infamous girls' day outs with her Aussie girlfriends, where they go and do girly things all day, gossip, indulge themselves, and commiserate over their respective husbands/children/boyfriends all afternoon. Sometimes the press catches wind of these little excursions and take photos which end up in the paper the next day; they've actually dubbed them 'The Wild Women' and I think every single one of them takes great secret pride in this fact. Probably this latest escapade will involve, besides Liss, Nic Kidman, Naomi Watts, and god only knows who else they'll round up.

Anyhow, they're harmless. Usually a bit of shopping (well, more than a bit, judging by the packages Lissy usually comes home with and my credit card bills), lunch, more shopping...although Liss did mention that today they plan to spend time at the day spa pampering themselves and doing whatever women do at those places. She offered to find someone to watch Lily and Tyler while she's gone, which I took offence to; why would she think I'd be unable to take care of our two children for a few hours? Granted, since Tyler was born, she hasn't really had one of these days off, mostly she's left them with me for a short while running off to the store for a bit or something brief like that, but they're our kids, we both agreed we weren't going the nanny route and that we'd both be entirely hands-on and involved with them, so the fact she's now questioning my parenting skills kinda hurts.

"'Course I can handle it, Liss, what do you think is gonna happen while you're gone? Come home and find the house in shambles?" Tyler's on the floor playing with his cars and trucks; Lil's listening to this entire exchange with a slightly pouty look on her small face. She wants to go with her Mum and can't understand why she's not able to.

"Russell," Lissy gives me The Look, "I have come home before we even had kids to find the house in shambles. So please assure me you'll keep things under control and that you'll call me if you need me for anything, anything at all." I roll my eyes and she smiles. "I know you'll be fine, sweetie, I just like to give you a hard time. But," she now turns her attention to our two children, "I don't want to hear that either of you gave Daddy a hard time. Be good and mind him, and I'll be back before supper, okay?"

"Why can't I go with you?" Poor little Lily feels so left out. 

Lissy's expression grows tender. I love watching her with our kids. She's a terrific Mum and while she's gone I know I've got some pretty sizeable shoes to fill. "Muffin, you're too little yet to go out with us. We're going to do grownup things. When you're bigger, you can go, I promise. But for now, help Daddy watch Tyler, I'll probably bring both of you a treat home, and then sometime soon we'll have a special day, just you and me, and we'll do girl things, too. Okay?" I can tell she's torn at Lily's hurt feelings; this has never happened that Lil wanted to go along, reckon she's getting at that age now. Lil reluctantly nods, and Liss gives her a hug and kiss. "I trust you to look after Tyler and Daddy," she adds, acting like she's speaking to Lil in confidence but loud enough for me to overhear, and this makes our daughter feel more grownup; she's got a responsibility and somehow I imagine she'll stick to it. She's a mini version of her mum anyhow. This time it's her turn to hug and kiss Lissy and I can see my wife's relief that she feels better about being left behind. "Be a good boy, Tyler," she adds, picking him up to kiss and hug him, too.

"'Kay, Mama." He's already squirming to get back to his cars; there's not a bit of separation anxiety on his part, I can tell you. He's just over a year old but he's already so bloody independent; and Lily, for being just over three, is pretty wise for her age, too. Got quite a pair, we have. She then comes to give me a kiss. "Be good," she whispers, and I have to teasingly respond, "Not a chance, sweetheart."

"Then I'll have to discipline you later," she murmurs, that coy look on her face, and I grin. "Call if you need anything," she repeats, and I swat her behind. "Go already, will ya, woman? Sheesh." I look at the kids, who are both watching us and smiling---they love our overt displays of affection. "We'll be fine, won't we, gang?"

Tyler nods, and Lily pipes up, "Have fun, Mommy!" and with that, Lissy's off. 

There's a moment's pause, and then Tyler comically asks, "Now what we do?" 

"Well, what do you want to do, mate?"

"Car." He holds one up, and I nod in serious agreement. "Sounds good." I look at Lily, who still looks the tiniest bit put out, and she looks back at me. "So, what do you want to do, Princess?"

"I wanna play Barbie." She's hauled her suitcase sort of thing that holds her gazillion dolls out here and she chooses two out of the entire look-alike lot and just gazes solemnly at me.

"That sounds like a great idea, Lil, go ahead and play Barbie, then." I turn on the telly and lie back against the pillows on the couch. "Daddy's gonna watch the footy game, how's that sound?"

"No." 

"What d'ya mean, 'no'?" Oh, here we go. 

"I want you to play Barbie with me, Daddy." She marches up to stand right beside me and plops one on my chest. I look at it and then at her. She's got that determined look on her small sweet face. Gently, I suggest, "Can't you play all by yourself, love?"

"I don't want to." She's not being whiny or anything; would almost make it easier to deal with if she was. She's being ever so Lily Crowe logical when she adds, "Mommy always plays with me."

"Well, Mum's not here right now." 

"Well," she counters, "then you gots to play with me, okay?" 

"Can't Tyler play with you, baby?"

"NO dolly!" her brother protests; she gives me this sort of "See?" look and just waits for my next argument. I try again. "Lil, love, blokes don't play Barbie, all right?"

"Why?" This is another of those three year-old things. She's always gotta know why. "'Cause they just don't, honey, I don't know why." 

She marches back over to the tangle of dolls, searching for something, then comes back and trades the doll still resting on my chest for another one. "Ken plays with Barbie and he's a bloke," she tells me triumphantly.

Good point. Don't quite know what to say to that one. "So he is," I tell my young daughter, who looks pleased. She ought to go into law when she grows up; she's good at arguing her case. I sigh and sit up, holding that 'bloke doll' Ken, whose plastic grin seems to somehow be mocking me. "Okay then, but you've got to show me what to do," I say, as Lily clambers up on the couch beside me. God, if the press got wind of this one, there'd be no end to it. But Lil looks so happy that it melts my heart. She always can talk me into anything, something I KNOW she inherited from Lissy. She's definitely like her in more ways than even I thought possible. "You just make 'em talk and do peoples things," she explains patiently, and soon I find myself responding to Barbie with this kind of surfer stud voice that seems to suit this overblown masculine doll she's given me. See, knew my acting skills would come in handy for more than just the day job sometime.

Pretty soon, Tyler, going against his own 'no dolly' protest, wants to get in on the action; he's grabbed an extra one and is over here with us trying to join in with his limited vocal ability. I'd be worried about my boy's penchant for dolls other than the fact that he's so young and it's mostly that he doesn't want to be left out, and the fact that it thankfully takes some of the pressure to perform off of me. Soon, Lily's scrambled back down onto the floor with him, trying to teach her little brother the finer points of mastering the art of being Barbie, one of the Wonders of the World, and I turn my attention back to the telly and the game that's about to begin.

I've only been watching for about twenty minutes when a shriek interrupts me; I glance at the two kids sitting on the floor to see Lil near hysterical with grief and Tyler holding Barbie...in two parts. Her body's in one pudgy little hand and her head is in the other; being held by her blonde hair as he looks bewildered at the fact that he's decapitated her. "Tyler BROKE her!" Lil wails in horror and I have to bring peace back to all concerned. Taking the pieces from the baby, who still looks awestruck that Barbie's head actually detached from her body, I quickly get things set to rights, get the doll back together and then suggest, "Maybe that's enough of that for now; why don't you find something else to play." Lily readily agrees with this; she stuffs her dolls into that case of hers, slams it shut with finality as she gives an accusatory look to her brother, then goes clunking down the hall to her room. "I'm colouring in here," she calls, and I call back, "Fine, sweetheart." Then, to Tyler, "Want to watch the game, mate?"

He nods so I pick him up, holding him while I explain things to him. I can see it now, some years from now: Liss and Lil off on some girly adventure while we blokes enjoy a bit of sport. That'll be a lot of fun. He actually seems to like this and frankly, I'm kinda getting a kick out of this sort of 'man time' with my boy.

After about another ten minutes I look over to see Lily peering around the corner, just outside the entryway. "What's up, Liliana Banana?" I ask her. 

"I don't want to play by myself." She looks forlorn again; she'll probably be like this off and on till her mum gets back. I hold out a hand to her. "Want to sit with us and watch the game?"

She nods. Don't know that this is the most fascinating thing for her; it's probably more the fact that she's with us. But she's kind of a tomboy sometimes...ever since she was small I've kind of been bad in that I've tried to teach her 'bout stuff like this too; she'll sit and watch with me some of the time, which is more than I can say for Lissy. Love her immeasurably, but I've explained to her more times than I can count about cricket and rugby; she'll listen politely, attempt to watch, but I can tell she's not particularly thrilled or interested. She likes American basketball and a bit of baseball, which I don't seem to find too much excitement in; we learned long ago sports wasn't going to be a common ground in our relationship with one another and managed to work around that. Luckily, we've got plenty else in common to keep us occupied.

Lily comes to snuggle up against me although she's still got this look towards her baby brother as if he lit her Barbie on fire rather than just pulled her head off. But before I can play peacemaker, the little guy looks at his sister and tells her, "Sorry made dolly owie, Lil."

The little fella's got this amazing ability that, even when people are mad at him, he can turn on the charm like nobody's business and get them to forgive him. Wish that'd work for me sometimes. Especially with his Mummy. Lily sighs but says, "That's okay, Tyler. Daddy fixed her and made her all better." They hug and all is well once again.

There's this wonderful sense of togetherness and calm---wish Lissy could see us now---which lasts for about fifteen or so more minutes until Tyler's attention span runs out and he's climbing off the couch to go back to his cars. Another five or ten, and then Lily says, "I'm hungry, Daddy."

If you can believe it, my wife's only been gone for a little over an hour and a half. Feels more like a week and a half; though I love these kids more than I can say, I get the distinct feeling they're gonna wear me out before this day's done. Though it IS nearly lunchtime. Tyler pipes up, "Me too!" So much for the game, though I have to admit, I kind of like being in charge; proud that these two look up to me and Lissy's given me the responsibility to take care of 'em. So I scoop my girl up in one arm, my boy in the other and look at the both of them. "Let's get you fed, then. Want to help?"

"Yay!" Fortunately for me, Liss left easy-to-fix food for them: ready-made snacks for later, and no cooking for me, it's peanut butter and jam for their lunch. Guess she reckoned that was something even I couldn't possibly muck up. Knowing that I don't much care for kiddie fare, she even made me my own sandwich before she left, piled with meat and cheese and all the fixings. God, I love that woman.

So I get both of them situated at the big island that runs down the centre of the kitchen---Lily perched on a stool and Tyler sitting on the countertop itself---get out the bread and the jars, plates and cups (the unbreakable kid ones). Lily gets a plastic knife and I tell Tyler he can't have one; he looks incredibly out of sorts until I put my arms around him from behind and help him spread stuff on his own slice of bread. When I bring my attention back to Lil, she's got so much peanut butter on her knife that it's literally bowing almost in half; I have to get her to put some of it back and then she's busily making her own sandwich, concentrating on getting it to cover every available spot of bread. When she's satisfied, she looks at me in consternation. "Jam's globby...I can't do it," she tells me, so I help her...and then turn back to find the baby's gotten into the jar of peanut butter, dipped all the fingers of one hand into it, and is happily licking it all off. He's got it painted across his face. "Couldn't wait, could ya?" I ask him, though thankfully he hadn't quite gotten to getting it all over his clothes, so after wiping him off with a towel, I firmly screw the tops back on the jars and get them put back where they belong.

"You gotta cut 'em like Mama does," Lil tells me, ever concerned about maintaining a routine, and I reckon at their ages, that's the most comforting thing to them. She shows me---corner to corner, making four small triangles---and I get both of them set with the sandwiches, chips and drinks. Then I help them down, balancing three plates, two cups of juice and a bottle of beer tucked under one arm. "Okay, gang, let's go back and see what's happening with the game."

Lily puts her hands on her hips. That 'looking after the blokes' assignment Liss gave her is now going right to her head. "Mommy doesn't like us to eat in there. She says we're too messy."

This is true. However, I have to tell her, "Well, I won't let you get too messy, okay? I'm gonna be right there, and I know you can feed yourselves. You're both big kids now. And," the ultimate enticement, "Mummy's not here right now, is she?"

A slow smile spreads over Lil's face as she realises it might be fun to take advantage of a few things. "No..." she responds. That settles it; the three of us go back into the living room, the two kids sitting at the low table on the floor while I settle back onto the couch and we eat our lunch.

Would have just about made it completely through, too, if our team hadn't scored, I hadn't cheered, and neither had the kids...because inevitably, the baby knocks over not his own sippy cup with the lid on, but his sister's cup. Red juice spreads across the table and before I can stop it, a bit of it onto our light-coloured carpet. Both children look immediately contrite and I quickly assure, "Got it under control, it's fine, guys." I grab another towel and mop that up; have to scrub a bit, but fortunately for us, it comes straight out and my wife won't be the wiser. I pour Lil some more juice---considerably less this time---and the rest of the meal finishes without incident.

After we're through eating, we clear away the plates and cups...the little ones are enthusiastic about helping...and then I suggest, "All right now, time for your naps."

"No!" both say simultaneously. "Please, Daddy..." Lil pleads, the baby chiming in with his own "Pwease..." and their two cherubic faces are begging for me to give in. But I carefully explain, "Listen, you two, that was the one thing Mum expressly stated, that the both of you were to take your naps as usual. Can't let you off on that one. Trust me, she'd know. She's got ways of finding these things out..." Sometimes, I swear, Liss can read minds. That woman's a visionary; somehow, even though she's probably in the midst of a massage or a facial right this moment, if I let them stay awake, she'd know about it. "We won't tell," Lily promises, and the baby nods. Still, I won't budge. "There might be things I'll make you promise not to tell Mum about later, but you're still taking your naps. Come on..." I scoop the little guy up, take my daughter by the hand, and we go off to their respective rooms to put them down.

We're in Tyler's and I'm about to set him in his cot when Lily says, "Can't we both sleep on my bed?" I pause for a moment, weighing the pros and cons. They'd probably both actually SLEEP if I made them each stay in their own room, but sometimes, Liss does let them nap together, and after being so strict that they have to nap at all, I almost feel bad for them. So I give in. "Okay, Princess, but the two of you have to go to sleep. I'm gonna come check on you. Any playing around, any silliness, and Tyler goes back into his own bed." They agree to this, so we get his dog...the one thing he can't do without at naptime...and then I take them to Lily's room, get them situated, covered with blankets, each clutching their favourite stuffed mate, warning them once again to go to sleep, and I leave them alone, nearly shutting Lil's bedroom door behind me.

After about half an hour, I go to take a peep at them, and they're both miraculously asleep. I send up a silent prayer of thanks, then go back to watching the telly. There's another game about to begin and it's fairly rare that I'm home like this with free time to watch, so I settle back and indulge. Don't really know what Lissy was worried about; despite the small mishaps we've had thus far, things are well under control and with the kids asleep, I've got this 'minding them while the wife's away' thing mastered.

They've been asleep for a little more than an hour when I decide I'd better check on them again. When I peek into the room, Tyler's still sleeping but Lily's gone missing. I hear a small noise in her adjoining bathroom. She's been using the toilet on her own for some time now but every so often she has a bit of trouble by herself, so I call softly, "Lil? Everything all right?"

There's a moment of silence and then her response, "Uh huh." This seems a bit too thought out to me so I suspiciously ask, "What exactly are you doing?" 

"Nothing." Now all my Dad instincts are on high screeching alert. Lissy calls this intuition the Sixth Sense; the Parents' Sense, and though she seems to be more attuned to it than I am, Lil's sweet little 'nothing' has brought it out full force in me. Still careful not to be so loud I wake up the baby, I casually saunter into the bathroom, hoping to catch her in the act of whatever it is.

She's got her step stool pulled up to the sink; we got that all situated for her so she can be more independent; be able to reach the sink and see the mirror, get her own stuff out to brush her own teeth in the morning. When she notices I'm standing in the doorway, she turns to face me, one hand behind her back and one hand clapped over her mouth.

"Gonna be sick?" But her dark brown eyes are huge and guilty and I know that's not it at all. She shakes her head. "What's wrong with your mouth, little one?" I tilt my head to see what she's got hidden behind her back; she scoots slightly over to further hide the secret something from my view. Then I notice half of a plastic cylinder on the countertop. "Better be showing me right now, sweetheart."

Slowly, she takes her hand away from her mouth to show her artfully made-up face; her lips are coloured a shade that I usually notice on Liss. Not to mention that she sort of missed; the lipstick goes around the outside of her mouth so she looks almost clownlike. I try not to grin; try to show the proper amount of disapproval. "And in your hand?" We've caught her at this before; Liss has found her snooping around her makeup, her jewellery and her shoes. She wants to be a princess and I reckon she's figured the quickest route to this is through her mum.

Lily takes her hand from behind her back to show me the mangled lipstick; it, like her Barbie in her brother's clutches earlier, is in two pieces, the main part of the tube, and what appears to be the coloured part that now stains her small palm. "I broke it," she whispers, and now I have to really fight not to laugh at her apparent dismay. "I tried to put it back on but it won't go, Daddy."

Lissy doesn't wear really dark or showy lip colour but it's of a hue that has the promise of being quite messy if we don't get it cleaned up in a hurry. I take the parts from her, wrap them in some tissue, and bury it in the trash. "Let's get that off of you, baby." Yet another towel sacrificed to clean yet another mess as I scrub her face and hands with soap and water to get it off her.

"I'm sorry," Lily says sadly, and I do feel for her, although I have to admonish, "You know you're not supposed to get into Mummy's things without asking her, right? Where'd you get it from?"

"The kitchen," she says guiltily, and I realise that Liss probably forgot it on the counter and the temptation of it must've been too great for her to resist when we were fixing lunch; I reckon she probably slipped it into her pocket then when I wasn't looking. "And now you know," is all I say, and she nods. "I won't do it again."

I sigh. "Now we've got to get another one before she finds that one's missing." I say, and she looks relieved that I'm going to conspire on this with her so Lissy doesn't find out. This is definitely one of those 'swearing to secrecy' things we discussed before they went down for a nap. I have to dig the tube back out of the trash bin so I can read the brand and shade of it off the end of it, then, taking Lily back out into the living room, her brother still asleep, I make a couple of phone calls. One of the perks about being me is, if you can't go out and get something, you can usually find someone to get it for you. Hate to do that to people, it seems rather presumptuous, but this is an emergency. Actually, what I manage is to call a shop nearby that I know Lissy goes to often and they have it available; they tell me that they'll send someone over with a replacement straightaway. Bet they're wondering what Russell Crowe wants with Crème Deluxe Shade #116, Cinnamon Sugar.

After I hang up, I tell Lily that a new one is on the way and she looks so grateful that I nearly laugh again. However, for her, this is a very serious thing, so I pick her up and sit on the couch with her on my lap. "I'm not going to tell Mum, Lil," I reassure her.

"Thanks, Daddy." She cuddles into me, her head against my chest. I stroke her rumpled hair and tip her chin up so I can look into her face. "But," I add, "you've got to not do that anymore, love, okay? You know it's wrong." She's small and sweet and always reminds me so much of Lissy that it warms my heart. Nodding, Lil sighs. Y'know, sometimes, it's easy to forget she's still a little girl. When Liss was sick after having Tyler, we placed a lot of responsibility for herself on her; we didn't mean to but it was almost out of necessity, since we had about all we could handle trying to deal with Lissy's depression and the added stress of caring for a brand new baby. She came through it well, though sometimes, she tries so hard to be grown up, when she really shouldn't be worrying about those things at her young age.

"I wanted to be pretty," she murmurs, almost to herself, and I tell her truthfully, "You're pretty as it is, love. You're the most beautiful girl I know, besides Mum. You don't need any makeup right now."

"But Mama wears makeup."

"Well, she's a grown woman, Lil. I think she's beautiful without it, too, but it's just something that grownup ladies do." I brace myself for her inevitable "why?" but she just nods her head again and settles against me.

"Anyway," I add, "This is one of those things where we're not saying a word to your mother, right? You don't tell her I let you eat in here today and I won't tell about her lipstick. Deal?"

"Deal!" Lily looks happier and I hug and kiss her. "Besides," I say, in jest, "she shouldn't have left it sitting there to begin with." 

"That's right." Lil shrugs and spreads her hands wide, presenting her defence. "If Mommy didn't leave it there I wouldn't have played with it, huh?"

It's a pretty twisted argument against my wife but it seems to make my daughter feel better that I'm on her side, so I agree and snuggle her close again. 

Since I still feel bad for Lil and the lipstick incident I sacrifice the footy game for one of her Disney Princess movies. Soon thereafter, the replacement lipstick is delivered; Lily shows me exactly where she found it in the kitchen, I carefully set it into its rightful spot, and everything's peaceful once more.

Tyler's been sleeping for all this time so I tell her I'm going to check on him. But I'm not prepared for what I find when I push open the door to Lily's bedroom.

Why these two have taken it upon themselves to assert their creativity today of all days, I don't know, but seems that the quiet I thought was due to the baby sleeping was completely deceiving. The baby's woken up, climbed down off of Lil's bed, and found her crayons from earlier, that she didn't put up after she was through colouring. I catch him in the act of scribbling...all over the wall. And of course, he's picked out the brightest ones he could get his tiny hands on. Scrawls cover a portion just wider than his arm span and about as high as the little fella is tall.

"No...!" At first he grins when he sees me, like "look at this, Dad!" but when I snatch the crayons out of both of his fists, his face screws up and he begins to cry. Don't know which I should concentrate on first, consoling my son or cleaning up the mess, so I kind of compromise; I pick him up and yell, "Lily!"

She comes running in there, stopping up short when she sees the mess. Besides the wall art, he's broken several more crayons and also torn her colour book. Clapping both hands over her mouth---looking much as she did with the lipstick in the bathroom---she immediately gets her guilty expression again.

"We've told you over and over to put your things away when you're done with them, sweetheart! That your brother will get into them and he's too little to know better! Now look what he's done!" I probably sound like I'm shouting at her when I'm not meaning to; what I'm really attempting is to make myself be heard over Tyler's bawling. He cries harder and tears well up in Lil's eyes, too. I calm myself down and then try to calm both kids down. "All right, gang; we've got a problem here that needs fixing." I look at Lily, who's still frozen into place, sniffling, swiping at her tears. "What do you think we should do now, Princess?"

"Cl...Cl...Clean up..." She can't hold back anymore; now she's sobbing, too, and I extend my other arm out to her so now I'm holding a child in each one. They both cling to me as if I was their rock in a storm. I silently wonder what more could possibly go wrong today; then decide I shouldn't even ask. "Okay, everything's gonna be okay." When they've finally calmed down enough, still pressed against me, I reassure both of them, "Mummy's not coming home for awhile yet. We can get this cleaned up, and she won't ever know this happened. It'll be our secret." We've certainly got enough of those today.

I look at Lily first. "Baby, I know you didn't mean to leave those out, but Mum and I, we've both warned you what could happen if Tyler gets into your stuff, haven't we?" She nods, and I kiss her forehead. "Now, you see just what happens when he does, right? So why don't you pick them up and put them away for me?" She kind of shuffles off and dutifully begins picking up every last one and carefully laying them in her crayon case; mournfully looking at the ones her baby brother broke.

Then I turn my focus on Tyler. "Mate, you can't go colouring on the walls! That's not what they're there for. That's why you have books..." and then I rethink what I'm reinforcing in his mind. "COLOUR books," I repeat, "for drawing and stuff in. Not reading books. Special ones to scribble in, y'know? But, you can't have those yet, you're still too small, and I think we've all learned that now." He's got his thumb in his mouth, but he seems to be listening; when I look at him for a reaction, he nods his little head, one fat tear rolling down his face and then he hiccups from crying so hard.

This somehow seems to break the cloud that's been hanging over us; I laugh, and even Lily manages a giggle. I set him down next to his sister. "Help Lily straighten these up," I tell him, "and then we'll work together at getting the wall cleaned off." Seems that's all I've been doing today, cleaning. Cleaning kids, cleaning carpets, and now, cleaning walls.

Lily doesn't want to let Tyler touch her crayons again, but with some coaxing and encouragement from me, soon both are picking up the broken parts and the scraps of paper. I decide to change his nappy first before we begin the arduous task of washing the wall. Just as I'm through with that, as if by some sort of sick bit of fate, the telephone rings and I know it has to be Lissy, checking up on us. The two children stop at the sound, looking to me. They know it's their mummy, too. And they're worried she somehow already KNOWS what's gone on here today. I don't think she's psychic but I'm not placing bets.

"We've got to get that, if we don't she'll think something's wrong with us," I say, clearly interpreting the look Lily gives me to read Of course there's something wrong with us!  But I smile to calm their anxiety and suggest, "Lil, love, why don't you run in our room and get that, okay? Answer it and bring it back in here." I've got my hands full with Tyler at the moment, and there's no way I'm letting him out of my sight anytime soon.

Soon she wanders in, phone to her ear. I'm sitting on the floor with Tyler, and I gesture for her to come stand close so I can eavesdrop on her conversation with her mum. "We're okay," she says, glancing at me for approval; I wink at her and she smiles.

"What are you doing now, muffin?" Liss sounds cheerful and relaxed and there's no way I'd be the bearer of bad news now. Nope, got everything under control, we're going to get this wall cleaned and then it's quiet time the rest of the day.

"Nothing." Uh oh. That catch-all phrase that's a synonym for 'trouble', when you're a kid. A whole lot is implied in that one word; I know from earlier experience. 

"Nothing?" I can distinctly hear Lissy's tone change to slight alertness. "Nothing at all?"

"Well..." Lil is gazing at me in desperation; I nod to ease her along, and she goes on, "I was watching a Princess movie with Daddy after my nap. And then we went to go check on Tyler. And he was woken all up. And now we're...decidin' what to do next." Looks like we've got more than one actor in this family.

"Oh, I'm so glad Daddy had you both take your naps!" Yeah, right. "So, both of you are being good for him?"

"Uh huh..." I can just see my wife's happy face. Now, it's not that Lissy is particularly strict, I want it known; in fact, I reckon if she knew all about what's gone on thus far, her first reaction would be to laugh until she cried. But, there's just some things it's best you keep from her; no sense making her mental that she left us alone together, definitely not while she's still away. "Can I talk to Daddy now?"

"Sure, Mama." Lily looks relieved the conversation's nearly over. "Love you. Are you coming home soon?"

"In a while. I'll call again just before I do, okay?" Thank God. "I love you. Tell Tyler I love him, too." The baby's just sitting there on my lap, chagrined enough at being reprimanded for drawing on the wall to for once remain still.

"Here's Daddy." Lil hands the phone to me and says, "Tyler, Mommy loves you." The baby grins at this; then looks at his art just waiting to be tidied up and his expression sobers, he pops his thumb in his mouth, hugs his doggie, and waits. "Hey," I say, keeping my tone light and carefree.

"Hi, babe. Everything going well?"

"Everything's fine." Right now. "What have you been doing?"

"Well, we had lunch, and we're at the spa now. I'm getting a pedicure, and then I guess we're going to wrap things up here and do some shopping before heading home. Anything exciting happen?"

"No, not really." Where do I begin? 

"What're you guys doing now?" Is this a test to see if my answer matches Lily's?

"Nothing." It just slips out and then I could kick myself for that. No, right now, we're about to clean the mess our son made on the wall, sweetheart. And that's the latest in a long line of near-catastrophes. "Really." Now there's a bit of suspicion in Lissy's voice. "The entire lot of you is doing absolutely nothing?"

"Well, it's like Lil said, love. The baby just woke up and we're trying to decide what we should do now." 

"Russell, is there something you're not telling me?" See, I told you. She just has this...intuition. But it's like when I was playing Barbie with Lily earlier. My acting skills saved me then and they're coming through for me now. "Everything's fine, baby. Got it all under control. Just enjoy yourself with the girls and we'll be seeing you in a bit, right?"

"Okay..." My head's actually starting to ache and I briefly wonder if Liss is somehow trying at this very instant to read my mind. "Why don't you call and order a pizza for supper? Try to get it so it'll come some time between six-thirty and seven. I should be home no later than that."

"Great." Thank you for the time frame, baby. "Well, we'll see you then." 

"All right." There's a tiny pause, as if she's going to begin The Inquisition, but then she says, "I love you." 

"I love you, too," I tell her...and hell, I admire her fortitude, too...don't know how she manages all of us on a daily basis, I truly don't...and then, she hangs up.

I set the phone aside and look at the two children, who are both just gazing at me. "I think we're safe, kids." 

Lily lets out her breath she was actually holding and even Tyler looks grateful.  The more I think about it the more I realise that I'm probably not teaching either of them a valuable life lesson here so I say firmly, "You know it's bad to lie."

"I didn't tell a lie, Daddy." Seems that Lily's already getting my skewed form of reasoning. "I WAS watching my movie. And we DID check on Tyler. And he WAS up. And we AREN'T doing nothing."

"'Aren't doing anything'," I automatically correct. "But still, it's a very bad thing to tell lies. Although, sometimes, you just don't need to tell the whole story, right? Like, Mum didn't need to know all the trouble you've gotten into, just the parts where you've been good. We don't want to worry her, and we don't want her to think that the two of you can't be good if she goes away, and I don't want her to think that I can't watch the both of you. So, in a case like this, I don't think we lied and were bad, but we just left some stuff out."

Both kids nod. Despite the fact that that sounded completely logical, I have to add, "However, if Mum were to say, "Lily, did you break my lipstick?" or, "Tyler, did you colour on the bedroom wall?" I would expect both of you to tell her the absolute truth. And if she asked, "Daddy, did Lily break my lipstick?" or "Daddy, did Tyler colour on the wall?" of course, I would tell her exactly what happened. If she DOESN'T ask that, though, we don't have to tell her all about it."

They nod again. Satisfied that I managed to impart my fatherly wisdom without turning the both of them into criminals later in life, I say, "Now, let's worry about tidying up the wall."

So I get the dishpan from under the kitchen sink, fill it with soapy water, and get us each yet another towel to scrub the wall with. I figure, even as small as Lil and the baby both are, they're both equally responsible for this latest mess and they can help me clean it up.

Lily looks dubious as I hand her and Tyler both a cloth. "Will it come off?"

"I hope so," is my response. Either that or I envision having paint delivered to cover it up with. Probably would be easier to come clean...ha, ha...to Lissy rather than keep trying to hide all the evidence of all the mishaps we've been through today. Fortunately, the crayon marks come off pretty easily, though I'm doing most of the work; Lil, industrious though she is, can't clean as big a space as I can, and mostly, the baby is playing, but he still looks sufficiently remorseful and I can't help but smile as I watch him swipe the towel back and forth over the same spot, over and over. I have to ask as we're working, "Lil...love, have I done terribly today? You can tell me the honest truth, now."

"No, Daddy." Tyler's head is bobbing in agreement. "You done good. I'm sorry 'bout gettin' in trouble, though." 

"Me too." For once, her brother's usual add-on is without his usual exuberance. I kiss both of 'em and tell them, "You know, it's all a part of being a kid. How else would you learn, right? Someday, we're all three going to remember this day and laugh."

"When?" Lily asks, seriously, and I chuckle. "Probably not for quite some time, sweetheart, but we will one day, trust me." 

We're finishing up with the wall when what I hope is the final big trauma of the day occurs. Tyler, who had been sitting on the floor, gets up and tries to put his towel back in the washbasin. Rather than just toss it in there, the little guy tries to lay it in there, stooping slightly to do so...and he loses his balance and falls forward before I can grab him. He doesn't go for a complete swim, but, putting both hands out to brace himself, he goes in up to both shoulders, also getting a fair amount of his front wet. Then, before I can help him out of his predicament, he tries to right himself...keep in mind he's only been walking on his own for a few short months at best and is still a bit unsteady...and falls back on his bottom. Water sloshes out as he hits the basin with his foot and he gets whatever was left dry on him, not to mention a good section of Lily's bedroom carpet, soaking wet. Startled, he begins to cry again, and I quickly take charge of the situation.

"It's all right mate, you just got a little wet, that's all." Picking him up, I traipse out to his room, Lily close on my heels---reckon she figures by sticking by me, she's less likely to get into another scrape herself---and get him changed into fresh, dry clothes. "There you go." He's got the hiccups again, poor little fella, been through a lot today. "Lil..." I turn my attention back to my daughter, "why don't you take Tyler into the living room and watch your movie with him? I think it's a good idea for us to have some quiet time now. I'll clean up the water in your room, and when I'm done, I'll fix you both a treat."

"That's a real good idea." She sighs. "Now my floor's all wet." 

"With any luck, it'll dry before Mum gets back." As if there was any luck left. 

She shakes her head...she looks letdown that she couldn't keep us blokes under control, as her mummy instructed...but she takes her baby brother's hand in hers and leads him out into the other room.

I get the basin dumped out in Lil's bathroom...add those towels to the collection we've amassed in the laundry...and drape Tyler's wet clothes over the edge of the tub to sort of dry. I consider doing a load of washing, something desperate even for me, but then decide we have enough towels and Liss won't notice a bunch have gone missing. I put the washbasin back in the kitchen and go to check on the kids.

They're both on the couch, side by side, being extremely quiet and well-behaved as I silently hand Tyler his stuffed dog and sit beside them. After a bit watching the movie, which we'd left running when I initially went to check on the baby, it's done and they look expectantly to me. Both Liss and I hate using the TV or videos to sort of 'mind' the little ones for us, but after all that we've already gone through today, I'll keep plugging movies into the damn machine if it keeps them happy and out of mischief until Lissy comes home. But, I promised them a snack and so we go back into the kitchen, this time to stay until they're done eating. Cookies and milk...not a single incident to report, thank you very much...and then we're back out in the living room watching another kids' movie. Even Tyler with his miniscule attention span sits there peacefully.

Time slips quickly by, amazingly; you'd think it'd drag on since there's not another natural disaster to avert, and soon enough I get the phone and order the pizza for supper. Liss is due home basically anytime now, and though I think all three of us are worried that we didn't cover our tracks enough and she'll find out about everything we're trying to conceal (everything we're just not going to mention, I remind myself, thinking of the lesson I tried to teach the kids earlier about honesty and lies and leaving out non-crucial information), I think we're also gonna be pretty relieved when she walks in the door. I know at least I will be. Although, despite everything that tried my patience today, I look at Tyler and Lily sitting there, Tyler with his head on his sister's shoulder, and I feel such love and pride for the two of them. They're mine and I love the hell out of 'em.

The phone rings and, as before, the three of us exchange looks. "Mama's comin' home," Lily whispers and the baby repeats, "Mama!" as sort of a plea to rescue him. Or maybe it's just my overworked imagination. I pick up and Liss still sounds cheery. "I'm on my way now," she tells me. "Everything still all right?"

"Couldn't be better, baby," I tell her. "Pizza's on the way, too...we're all excited for you to get back. Aren't we guys?" The two nod, realise Lissy can't see them, and Lily pipes up, "Hurry home, Mommy!" "Mama!" Tyler calls again, and Liss laughs. "They don't sound any the worse for wear...I'll probably be there in about twenty minutes."

"See ya then." I hang up the phone and we all look solemnly at one another. One way or another, our fate is now sealed. Mum's coming home. 

The pizza arrives just a few moments before Lissy does. I'm beginning to prepare Tyler's supper---he's too small yet for pizza, so he gets these chunky toddler foods that Liss gets for him at the market---when the door opens and she's there; laden with shopping bags. I hurry out to help her set everything down; between that and the mauling she's getting from our two kids she's got her hands full. "Oh, I MISSED you!" she exclaims, bending to pick up the baby and hug and kiss Lily. She gives me a nice kiss, too. "All of you. Did you have a good day today?"

"Yep!" Lily says, clinging to her Mum; Tyler nods. "It was interesting," is all I can say truthfully. Besides all the trouble, however, I enjoyed taking care of the little tykes and at least I learned what NOT to do in future. Providing Liss trusts me enough to ever leave me home alone with our children again. Lissy just raises an eyebrow, but she smiles as we all go into the kitchen. "Good, the pizza arrived. I'm starving."

"Mommy, did you get us a treat?" Lil can't contain her excitement at having her mother home; Tyler claps his hands and Lissy laughs. "Yes, I did, but let's wait until after dinner for that, I see Daddy's fixed Tyler's food and we should all sit down and eat while it's still warm." She sets her purse down on the counter by the phone and notices her lipstick. "There's where that was! I thought I was going crazy today, looking all over for it in here." Both Lily and I hold our respective breaths as she picks it up; there's the slightest hesitation as if she's going to say something, but then she just puts it in her bag. Then she turns her attention back to us, as she gets the baby situated in his chair at the table and helps Lily to her place as well. Don't ask, don't tell. Lil chances a peek at me when Lissy's turned away to put a bib on Tyler; I wink at her and she beams, happy we're over that small hurdle.

"One slice or two, Liss?" She passes by me on the way to pour both children some milk and kisses me again. "Two's great. I'm so hungry!" It's funny; now that Liss is home, there's more of a sense of normalcy and rightness, as if nothing can possibly go wrong now that she's here. "Beer, sweetie...? Or, there's some wine." Wonder what she'd say if I answered, "Yes, baby, pass me the entire bottle." I answer, "Wine's good." Seriously, though, have to say that in the big picture of it all, things didn't turn out so badly.

Liss sets a cup in front of each child, takes out two wine glasses and the bottle from the fridge, and comes to sit down beside me just as I set pizza down for the two of us and Lily. Tyler's already gotten his supper and is busily, happily feeding himself with both hands, foregoing the child spoon his mummy thoughtfully provided for him. As if she read my mind...and I'll be damned if she really honestly doesn't have that capability...she looks me in the eyes and says cheerfully, "Well, the kids look to still be in one piece and the place didn't burn to the ground, so I think you managed just fine, honey."

"He did real good, Mama." This from Lily, hoping to reinforce in her mother's mind that All Went Well. 

"So, what did you guys do today, muffin?" she asks her. 

Lil picks a bit of onion off of her pizza and says, "We played. And Tyler n' me, we watched the footy game with Daddy. And ate lunch. And tookded our naps. And then played some more. And watched movies." She shrugs nonchalantly. "That's all."

Now, usually our daughter is quite a chatterer, she would normally go on for about ten minutes about the day's activities. 'Course, there's a lot she has to leave out, for all our sakes. Lissy gives her that thoughtful Mum look---is she trying to probe Lil's mind now? I wonder---and then says, "Wow, sounds like it was a fun day, huh?"

She nods, glancing at me for approval. I'm about to wink at her again when I notice Lissy looking at me, so I merely shrug myself and say, "That's about it, sweetheart. Pretty uneventful."

Liss leans across and kisses me. "I'm proud of you, babe." I'd feel somewhat guilty, but, hey, she SHOULD be proud of me---as she said, I didn't kill or maim either child or destroy the place, so I figure that's pretty good, right? Still, to get myself out of this slightly uncomfortable spot, I skilfully change the subject. "So, what kind of trouble did you girls get yourselves into today?"

Soon, Lissy's animatedly recalling her entire day, lunch, the spa, shopping, and Lily especially listens with interest. Tyler for once has taken a vow of silence; he's too busy feeding himself and even with his limited vocabulary, I imagine he doesn't want to incriminate himself in anything that's gone on today.

"But," she concludes, looking 'round the table at the three of us, "I'm so glad to be home. I really did miss everyone today. I love all of you, so much." 

I'm on my way to get more pizza but I stop and run my hand down the back of her hair, then tilt her face up to mine for a kiss. Lissy laughs. "You taste Italian." This makes Lily giggle. "Daddy, do I taste 'talian, too?" she wants to know, so I kiss her and answer "Yep." She giggles even more, and Liss ruffles her hair and kisses her as well. Then the baby; and as I come back to sit beside her, she reaches to take one of my hands in hers.

I can't tell you how good it feels, despite all the trepidation over it earlier, to have my wife back home. 

After supper, we clear things away, then we're all out in the living room, content to simply spend time together as a family before the kids head off to bed. I can tell that Lily wants to ask her Mum about the surprise she bought for her, Tyler, too, but they're both polite, even with their shining eager faces.

Lissy makes 'em suffer for about half an hour and then finally Lil can't stand it. "What did you get today shoppin', Mommy?"

Liss laughs. "Hmm, let's see..." she searches through all of her packages. For Lily, there's a new princess doll and storybook; and for Tyler, a new stuffed bear, and, ironically indeed, she's brought him his own colouring book and box of big, fat toddler crayons just right for his small hands to hold. I'd honestly wonder about that reading of the minds thing. Tyler looks at them and shakes his head adamantly. "No colour!" he shouts. Didn't mean to scar him for life, I really didn't. Damn!

My wife looks puzzled. "He's always wanted to use Lily's," she says, bewildered at his emphatic reaction. "That's why I thought to get him his own." To the baby, "Don't you want to use these, sweetie?"

He shakes his head no again. Liss gives him a reassuring pat and kisses him. "Well, we'll keep them for later, then. I guess he's too little for crayons yet." 

"Yes, he is." Both Lily and I say this at almost exactly the same time and get another thoughtful look from Lissy before she says, "And the rest is just girly stuff," with an amused look at me; she knows my fond exasperation for all that sort.

"I want to see, Mama!" So Liss patiently shows her what she bought for herself; as young as she is, Lil's already real girly herself and oohs and aahs over everything. Until she gets to the last bag, which she won't show her. "That's Daddy's treat," she tells Lil, smiling at me, and I notice the big Victoria's Secret logo emblazoned on the bag. Yum, yum. "He gets to unwrap it later," she adds, with a wink at me, a slight blush on her pretty face.

"But I wants to see what it is." Lily looks disappointed. 

"It's a treat for grownups, baby," I tell her, and then I'm reminded of how hard she tried to be such a big girl today. 

"Some day you'll be grownup and you'll understand," Liss explains to her. I know she feels bad, especially since Lil wanted to go with her today and couldn't. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I was grownup now." Lily sighs and Liss looks into her small face. "I know you do, sweetheart, but Daddy and I love you right now as our little girl."

"You'll always be our girl, angel," I tell her, and we both hug her. I can see this makes her feel better. 

We spend a while longer together; Tyler, especially, sticks close by Lissy, as if he's hoping she'll keep him safe from all of the chaos he's endured today; and then it's time for the kids to go to bed. "Maybe you two should take baths tonight..." Liss says, and the baby once again emphatically shouts, "No bath!" Boy, he's gone through trauma today. His mum shakes her head. "What's gotten into you tonight, peanut?" she asks him. "You usually love to splash and play...and you're being so stubborn." She glances at me for an explanation. I shrug. "They're probably tired out, baby," I tell her. Lily's lips are sealed, but when Liss looks over at her, she nods in agreement. My daughter and I have formed a sort of alliance, I think.

"Well, waiting until tomorrow morning won't hurt," Lissy says, scooping up the baby and handing him his new bear and his old, faithful doggie; he tucks one under each arm and puts his head on her shoulder with a sigh. "Even tomorrow evening, maybe...what did Daddy do to you, buddy? Wear you out?"

"We just played a lot, Mommy." Lily is following close behind her mother, and I decide I'd better come along to help and to make sure everything stays on this nice even flow we've been experiencing. First we get the baby ready...his eyes are already drooping before we even put him to bed, and I hope sincerely that by the morning, most of his memories of today's events will have at least faded somewhat...and then, it's off to Lily's room to get her tucked in, too.

After she brushes her teeth and such, we both kiss her goodnight as she snuggles under the covers in her bed. When I lean over her, she captures my face between her small hands and makes me look at her. "I had fun today, Daddy," she whispers. "Everything's okay." I give her another kiss and she smiles at us before rolling over and closing her eyes.

Lissy's got the kids' clothes from today in her hands; I'd forgotten she'd have to take them to put in the laundry. Have to fight the urge to follow her; she'd know something was up. Hoping against hope that she'll just toss them in there to worry about later; I hadn't thought that eventually, she'd end up seeing what was there. Damn. Well, can't be helped now. She comes back right quick, though she does comment, "It looks like I'll have to do wash tomorrow, too."

I look her right in the eyes...usually an intense gaze works on slightly intimidating most people, but on my wife, it's almost like it gives her a mirror straight through to me...but there's nothing there except contentment, a bit of relief that it's finally just us alone, and the beginning stirrings of something more. She comes to sit beside me on the couch; I put my arm around her with her head nestled against my shoulder, and we sit there peacefully for a few moments watching telly. Then, she looks up at me, and she's the one to begin, gently kissing me, all over, whisper-soft, before she cradles my face against her hand and finds my mouth with hers, coaxing and teasing me to open up for her. At first, she's got the lead, until I come back at her, cupping the back of her head in my palm and deepening it, until we're both sort of voraciously kissing as if we're planning on devouring each other. Then, she slowly turns it tender again, until we're only nuzzling one another. That was quite nice. I'm starting to get rather turned on, wanting nothing more than to sweep her up in my arms and make off with her to bed with that treat she's got in store for me, when she catches me completely off-guard by whispering, "So, what really happened while I was gone, sweetheart?"

My mind's whirling with a zillion possible comebacks. I choose the most simplistic, stupidest one out there. "I don't know what you mean, love." Taking a deep breath, I turn to see Lissy's face. Her eyes are sparkling and she's smiling. "You're a rotten liar," is all she says. "And you're all in this together, all three of you. It's a conspiracy." 

I'm not sure what to say to this. Told you she's psychic. Either that, or, like she said, I'm purely terrible at keeping anything from her. Think it's a bit of both. Then she does a complete turnabout when she asks softly, "Want to unwrap your treat now?"

Wondering if she's given up trying to get any secrets out of me as to the day's events, or if she's merely using a diversionary tactic, the dominant male animal side of me wins out and I figure what the hell; go for what she's offering now and worry about the rest later. "Yeah," I answer, trying not to sound like a randy, eager teenager as she stands, takes my hand in hers, snares the shopping bag with the other, and leads me off to our bedroom.

Once there, she sets the bag down, cuddles against me, placing sweet, teasing kisses all along my jaw, until she's slowly rubbing up against me and nuzzling my neck. I'm not quite certain why the sudden change from interrogating me to merely wanting my body, but hey, I'm not gonna question. Then she murmurs, "Why don't you get more comfortable..." her hand brushing against the front of my jeans; I almost embarrassingly feel myself swell and grow even harder for her, "...as comfortable as you can get...and I'll be back in a few minutes." Indulging herself in one more brief, deep, hot kiss, she takes the bag, and with that melting heat in her gorgeous, dark eyes, she goes into our adjoining bathroom, closing the door behind her.

I manage to get my shirt off...decide to lie down on the bed in just my jeans, relax and wait for her...and that's the last I remember of that. 

I'm aware of Lissy nibbling my ear; and I slowly drift back into consciousness. At least, at first, I think so. Can't be sure if it's reality or some sort of beautiful, wondrous fantasy that I've concocted in my mind.

Don't know exactly how long I've been asleep, but it's long enough for my wife to light all the candles in our bedroom---both of us are shameless romantics; we've got 'em scattered throughout and it perfectly sets the mood---and for her to climb into bed with me. Well, for her to climb ON me on the bed...she's lying on top of me right now, wearing some fragile, small, short bit of lingerie that makes her look like a wanton angel. When she sees I'm awake, she sits up, straddling my thighs, and I get a better look at the luscious treat I get to unwrap.

There's a scrap of pretty lace that I assume is meant to pass for undergarments encircling her hips; and then she's got this sort of top on. It's sheer; the bit covering her breasts is a little less so; but I can still make out the dusky tips of her nipples through it. It's got these thin ribbons as straps and the entire thing is held closed by another ribbon tied in a neat bow just beneath and between her breasts. It's white and embroidered on the top and along the edge with tiny coloured flowers; that's the angelic part of it. The wanton part of it is the entire outfit as a whole. She's brushed her hair until it shines; it's loose, as she knows I love. "You're awake," she says, a hint of laughter in her tone. "Did the kids wear you out that bad?"

I've somehow lost the power to speak. I can only gaze at her, she's so fucking beautiful. She laughs aloud this time, leans over to give me a kiss. I slide my hands up her thighs, trace the top of the lace knickers with a fingertip, and then slip both palms flat on her belly, where the top opens in front. God, she's silky and soft; not that she isn't all the time, but that spa thing really paid off today. Lissy laughs again. "Do you like?"

"Oh, yeah, baby, very much." I play with the bow; she takes both of my hands in hers and entwines our fingers together. "What did this bit of ribbon and scrap of lace end up costing me?"

She leans over me and licks my nipple. "You don't want to know." 

Grousing good-naturedly, I say, "Could have probably bought an entire outfit you could wear out in public for that, right?"

"But that wouldn't have been as fun," she says, giving my other nipple equal attention before sitting up again. "Yeah," I have to agree. 

"Let's get you more comfortable," she murmurs, and I can only lie there as she ministers to me, carefully undoing my jeans and stripping the remainder of my clothes off of me. Suggestively waggling her eyebrows at me, she comes back over me, looks me straight in the eyes, and then dips her head, swirling the tip of her tongue around the head of my cock. I groan out, "Lissy..."

"Mmm?" She pauses, lifts up enough to gaze at me again. "You don't like that?"

"I do," I grind out. "But..." 

"You want to be inside of me." Sometimes, my wife is into this sort of torture of me. Can't complain though; it quite turns me on, upside-down, inside-out, you name it.

"God, yes." I tunnel my fingers through her hair, then my fingers slide around to caress her cheek and those devastating lips of hers. 

"Okay." She's got that cheerful tone again as she sits up, her eyes shiny-bright. "After you confess and tell me what went on while I was gone today." 

I let out this half-growl, half-groan and look into her laughing face. "Liss, using sex as a weapon is low, even for you." 

"I'm good at withholding sex, too, Russell, just you remember that," she teases. "I have ways of making you talk." She knows that if I truly wanted to I could easily overpower her, turn her over onto her back and take what I need. She also knows that I won't do that. I kind of like when she has the upper hand in our relationship; sick bastard that I am. "I doubt I'll be able to talk while you're doing anything to me, Liss," I tell her sincerely.

She just looks down at me with that thoughtful look she's had all evening. "Well, then...I suppose let's just do it now, get it out of the way. Maybe if I loosen you up, it'll loosen your lips up, too." I'm unashamedly already gripping her hips; trying to lift her up and onto me. "Aren't you gonna unwrap me?" she asks.

"Sweetheart..." even as I'm speaking, she's tugging the lace to one side to allow me access to her; I slide into her deep, nice and slow and we both moan. "Sweetheart," I try again, "for what you paid for this, you're leaving it on."

It feels so good. God, I really did miss her today. As she moves on me, her eyes sliding shut and then opening to look into mine, she leans over to kiss me again and I can't resist the temptation her enticing little package makes; I reach and untie the bow, pushing the sheer top aside so I can take both of her breasts in my hands. "Mmm, that feels so nice..." Lissy purrs. Forget any filthy bedroom talk; although we've been known for that, too, it really gets to me when she tells me, with her sweet, guileless honesty, what she likes and how it makes her feel.

Pretty soon, we can't make it last any longer; she comes first, breathless and beautiful, and then I'm holding her onto me as I do, exploding inside her in a heated rush. She lies down, stretching out, first on top of me, and then snuggled into my side, and we enjoy the closeness, as I finally draw the bits of lingerie off of her so I can feel her bare skin against mine. There's this long bliss of contentment, and then she says, low in my ear, nuzzling and nipping, "So...you were going to tell me all about your day."

I pull back only enough to see her; she's got merriment dancing in her eyes and that huge smile on her face. "I'm not letting you off, Russ. I think I have a lot of it figured out, but I'm giving you the chance to come clean with me now."

Wordlessly, I pull the covers back first; we both cuddle together under them, and then I try once more, "I don't know what you're talking about, Liss." 

"Oh...!" She half sits up and looks at me with mock affectionate frustration. "No, Mr. Innocent with our Innocent Children that you're turning into juvie delinquents... 'I don't know what you mean, love'," she mocks me from earlier.

"Your Aussie accent is almost as bad as your British one, Lissy," I tell her. Actually, the longer she stays with me, the more she's taking on bits of it, the accent, the slang and all; she denies it but even my folks have commented on it. We'll make a true one out of her yet. She smacks my shoulder. "I'm not stupid, Russ."

"I never said you were, angel." 

"Do you want me to spell it out for you? Everything I think you're trying to hide from me?" I'm actually curious as to what she's put together thus far, so I just look at her. She begins ticking off on her fingers. "Tyler has a sudden aversion to crayons. And water. He was wearing a completely different outfit when I came home than the one I dressed him in this morning. Lil tries to look like butter won't melt in her mouth; she's so cool and collected. But I've noticed the conspiratorial looks the two of you have been giving each other all evening long. There's a pile of towels in the laundry. A few are still wet. One looks like it has peanut butter on it. One looks like it's got juice stains all over it. And one looks suspiciously like it has my lipstick smeared on it...my same lipstick that suddenly has replenished itself and has become miraculously brand new."

"How did you...?" it slips out before I can stop it. 

"Russell..." Lissy looks like she's right on the cusp of a major laugh attack, "the tube is sealed shut!" She reaches over and takes it from the stand next to her side of the bed---I hadn't even noticed she brought it in here with her---and hands it to me. Sure enough, upon closer inspection, there's a tight seal of cellophane where the two halves of the tube are supposed to come apart. Well, damn, I thought we'd solved everything. She shakes her head and sighs. "And did you think, even if you DID take the seal off, I wouldn't notice, once I opened it, that it had never been used?"

Never thought of that one. She shakes her head again. "No, you didn't think of that, I can see." 

I remember my promise to Lil that I wouldn't tell her Mum but then have to remember what I told the kids about what would happen if I was asked directly about anything, as Liss says, "Lily got into my makeup again, didn't she?"

So I have to confess. After briefly relating the lipstick incident, with a hefty sigh, I start at the beginning and spill my guts. As I'm beginning with Liss leaving and me being forced to play Barbie with Lil, she first starts out silently laughing ("Oh, I wish I could've seen that! You playing Barbie! How priceless!"), relay Tyler's decapitation of said doll ("I can just see his surprised little face!"), talk about lunch (she shakes her head at both my finding Tyler raiding the peanut butter as well as the fact I let the kids eat in the living room), the kids trying to persuade me not to make them go to sleep ("They're quite the mini negotiators, aren't they?"), catching Lily with the lipstick, this time in more detail (this now makes Lissy laugh aloud, her response being, "I think she's now learned her lesson."), Tyler's colouring adventure ("So THAT'S why he freaked when I showed him the crayons!"), us cleaning and him taking a dive into the basin ("Poor sweet little guy!"). When I'm through, she's now laughing quite hysterically, and I can't help but join in, despite it all.

"You had quite a day, didn't you?" she asks. 

"But, you know, Liss, despite everything, it was great. The kids are fantastic. I love 'em, so much. Don't know how you do it, though," is my response. 

"Russell...babe, nothing happened that wouldn't or couldn't have happened if I WAS here," she tells me, and the more I think about it, she's probably right. Wish it hadn't all happened in one day, however. "YOU did great. I'm still so proud of you."

"Really?" Now I can't help my devilish grin at her.  "Wasn't too good, though, either. Are you gonna punish me?"

She grins back, remembering what we talked about before she left. "On the contrary. You've been a very, very good boy. Seems as if I'll have to reward you..."

Oh, yeah. Definitely works for me. 

Welcome home, baby.