My Snow Angels

Pretty soon we're about to pack up and head back, leave the States and gear up for Christmas. I know Liss has to be a bit sad about that, but the time we've spent here has been quality, special with us and her friends and her side of the family. They've all always just accepted me as a part of Lissy's life, not anything greater than that, real or imagined, and with Lily now a part of us, it's even more normal and right. I enjoy that.

One morning a few days before we're to leave, I'm literally woken up by Liss bouncing on the bed. "It's snowing!" she exclaims excitedly. 

As I lie there and watch her, my flannie so long on her that it hangs down to her knees, bare toes curling into the rug and her face pressed eagerly to the windowpane, I have to grin. She's still a little girl at heart, and I think that's part of what makes her a great mummy to Lil. She turns to me. "We have to go outside. I want to show Lily."

Before I can even respond, there's a flurry of motion as she hastily gets dressed in her warm clothes, without sparing me a second glance she's off to get the baby up and changed, and I know I'd better follow suit or get left behind. Kind of grumbling to myself under my breath---I told ya, I'm not really into this whole frosty winter wonderland sort of thing---I get dressed myself and then go off in search of my girls.

Lily's already awake, she's babbling as her mum gets her changed and bundles her in her cold weather gear. We keep a variety of clothes here; we never know for sure what we'll need when or what time of year we'll be here; but when we arrived we had to go out and buy a coat and such for Lil, since she'd practically outgrown the one we took to England with us. She blinks up at me, looking slightly perplexed, as Liss gets her ready, explaining to her all the time about snow and snowmen, winter and icicles. But she sits there quietly while her mum dresses her. Without missing a beat, Lissy sweeps her up into her arms and goes off to the hall to get my coat and hers. I hold onto Lil, who still looks at me as if wondering if Mummy has truly lost it this time, as Lissy gets all bundled up herself, then she takes her as I do. Flinging our door open, she steps out with the baby, the expression on her face beautiful with anticipation as I follow.

I have to admit, when it's like this, snow slowly drifting down in huge flakes, everything quiet and still, it's lovely. Lily looks like a tiny Eskimo in her pink fluffy coat, with white faux fur around the hood framing her little rosy face. She tips her head up to see what we're both looking at, and a snowflake falls on her eyelashes, making her blink, startled. She glances at us and when we don't seem concerned that something cold and wet fell on her, she looks up at the sky again. This time, when snowflakes land on the tip of her nose she flinches, sneezes, and then giggles.

Lissy and I both laugh as well, and then I'm standing behind them, with my arms wrapped around both of them, more to keep me warm than to shelter them. "Look, muffin," Liss tells the baby. "Isn't it pretty? Your first snow." I'm glad it happened before we left. She wanted so much for Lily to see it, and now that she has, I can feel the joy and excitement practically radiating out from her. From both of my girls.

Lily reaches out with one hand to try to pluck a falling snowflake from the sky, and she at first seems bewildered, then highly amused, as it lands on her small palm and immediately melts away into nothingness. She tries it again and again, laughing more and more as she does so, which only makes both of us laugh further, watching her. Liss shows her how to catch snowflakes on her tongue, and then, to amuse our daughter, both of us make a big show out of trying to see who can catch the most of them, me being all goofy by running about, as Lily squeals and fairly bounces out of Lissy's arms.

Mark and David both come around the corner of the house...sometimes we include them in our antics but they both do their job so well that sometimes we forget they're even there...and stop short when they see us. David grins; he loves Liss like his own and knows what being here has meant to her, but Mark shakes his head. "You're all mental," he mutters and goes back the way he came.

We look at each other and then totally crack up; soon we're back to our romp in the snow, lost in our own little world with our baby girl. 

First Steps

We eventually leave the States, after having an early Christmas with Lissy's friends and family---had to ship all of the gifts for us and Lil over separately, everyone got that carried away---and now we're in Sydney for just a bit before going home to the farm and settling in for awhile. I know my folks have missed us; especially the baby; she was so small when we left and she's grown and developed in leaps and bounds since we've been away. So we don't plan to be here very long; just enough to sort of get our bearings back and take care of what we need to before moving on again. Now that I have a wife and daughter, I'm determined not to give them a nomadic kind of existence, although I can cope if they're with me, wherever we may be. But I'm eager for us to get home.

Today is special 'cause Nic called and wanted to see Lissy; the two of them have been great friends from the moment they first met, but with her film career and then mine it's been hard for them to get together. She's also Lily's godmother and Lil adores the hell out of her. I had to practically convince Liss it was all right to leave the baby home with me. Now, I know when you look at me, the first thing that comes to mind isn't me being a Mother Goose sort, but I'm certainly more than capable of taking care of my own kid. Besides, once again, I've kind of got a hidden agenda that involved a lot of thought, preparation, and getting Nicole to co-conspire with me for my wife.

So they've gone and it's just me and Lily. She's more than contented right where she is; our apartment looks like a toy store exploded, what with the dolls, plush animals, blocks, books, toy dishes and assorted other bits scattered all over the floor. I love it, though, the sort of unorganised chaos that this tiny girl's brought into our lives. Liss and I used to be perfectly respectable, completely in control people---not---until we had a child, then all of that flew out the window. Actually, though, we WERE better than we are now, but we wouldn't trade a single moment of before for what we have here with Lil. I'll take the unpredictable craziness over slightly regimented neatness any day.

Lil's sitting on the carpet with her bear, pretending to read him a story; she's got the book upside-down and she's mostly babbling, although she's started to pick up more and more speech and I couldn't be prouder; soon we can have real conversations and not ones where I'm doing all the chatting. When I ask if she wants me to read to her, she nods and hands me both the book and the bear; then I lift her up and settle with her on my lap. This is one facet of my life I couldn't have expected the day job coming in handy for; I make up voices for all the characters and act out the story for her, which always makes her laugh and watch me with extreme fascination. Remember when I told you back when Lil experienced her first snowfall that I thought Lissy was an excellent mum to her because she was still a little girl at heart? Liss always jokes that Lily loves me so because mostly I'm this big overgrown kid of a dad, and I reckon she's probably right. I'm pleased to tell ya that she's got two fanciful parents who love fostering her imagination and encouraging her curiosity and dreams, that's one thing Liss and I are exceptionally proud of. Besides, I heard having a kid gave you license to be a bit silly yourself, and if I can use the baby as an excuse for that, I'm all for it.

After I read to Lil, it's time to feed her, and I grab a quick bite myself while she eats. At ten months, she's gotten good at feeding herself with her hands and drinking out of her own sipper cup, so it's easier to take care of yourself while watching her. Then, it's time for me to put her down to sleep while I get the plan for this evening started into motion. I worked it out with Nic exactly how long she was to keep Liss out and what I wanted her to do; fortunately, Lissy's such a good mum that as soon as Lily's done eating she knows it's time for her to get some sleep, and she doesn't fuss as I put her in her room.

Once I'm sure she's settled, I make sure I've got everything ready to get set up---a lot of it is going to be last minute sorts of preparation, but it never hurts to make sure I haven't forgotten anything---and just before it's time to wake Lil up, I quickly shower and lay out my clothes for later that night, as once the baby's awake, I won't have time to do it then.

Lily's woken her own self up; she's simply sitting there playing with her bear when I walk in. So I get her bathed, and she looks all confused at this happening in the afternoon, since we usually do that at night before bedtime, or in the morning. "Going to surprise Mummy, angel," I explain, and this seems to set all right with her; although she says, "No bed," as I put her in her sleeper until it's time to get her dressed up.

"No, no bed...we're doing something special for Mum, Lil. Don't want you to get all mussed up so you're gonna have to wear this for a bit." I set her in the living room and put on one of her favourite Baby Einstein videos while I take things out to begin setting them up on the terrace. It's a perfect day, nice and warm, which should turn into a perfect evening.

When I come back in, she's still watching her tape; this one's all about animals and she's completely engrossed. So much so that she doesn't notice that I'm picking up most of her scattered toys until I'm nearly done. "I play," she says.

"Not with all of this, Lil...we've got to make things tidy and nice before your mum gets back. Here, play with these..." I give her some of her blocks and stack them up in a high tower. They fall over and Lily claps her hands, delighted. "More."

"Lil..." But other than the food arriving, getting it plated up and getting both of us changed, there's not much else left to do, so I sit there on the floor, patiently stacking the blocks over and over and letting my small daughter knock them down. We're both happily involved in this simple activity until the food arrives and I turn the oven on low to keep it warm. I feed Lily first so we won't have to worry about that while we're eating our own food. Checking the time, Liss is due back in less than an hour so I figure we'd better get moving.

Lissy bought the loveliest dress for Lily's first Christmas but I reckon she won't mind if she wears it a bit early. Luckily, we just had our family Christmas portrait done the other day so I know what goes where on my kid and where to put all the spangly bits; if not, I can always refer back to the photograph that we've got safely tucked away as a present for my parents. I figure it'll be easier to get her done up first. She sits there while I get the lacy, fancy dress on her, the stockings and her new shoes; I even get the bow in her hair and then I let her see her reflection in the mirror. She smiles, pleased. She's like Liss; a pure girly girl through and through.

Then I haul her in the bedroom while I get myself dressed up; she's so conscious of her pristine appearance that she sits very quietly on our bed, holding her bear and just watching me. I explain to her then what I've got planned and I don't know but she seems to approve. "Mama," she responds, and I grin, as I pick her up. "Yeah, won't Mama be surprised?" I ask her, and she nods, all seriousness, as I take her and Teddy back out into the other room.

Got just a few moments left so I hurry and get the food out onto the terrace, get the candles lit and the music playing, and then I ask Lil if she'd like to look at the boats, one of her favourite things to do. Our property overlooks Sydney Harbour and she loves it when I hold her and we look at boats sailing by. She sits there quietly in my arms as I point things out to her and tell her about what she's looking at.

There's a soft noise behind us and Lissy's standing there, all fancied up in her own beautiful evening dress that I recognise as being brand new; that was part of the plan with Nic, that she take her out on the pretence of buying a new dress and talk Liss into getting one herself. Looking at her, she doesn't look like she had a baby just a few months back; she's as slender and as delicate-looking as ever, although curvier and I have to say, I appreciate Lily doing that for her mum. Lily exclaims with glee and reaches for her when she sees her and Liss takes her from me, hugging and kissing her as she does so, then I get the same pleasant treatment. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's incredibly touched by all of my careful planning; although she does confess that she got out of Nicole only that I had a surprise planned for her when she got back. But she's excited and I feel quite pleased as I pull out her chair for her and we enjoy a quiet, intimate dinner with our daughter. Lily's happy just being with us and munching on bits of a roll, carefully covered up to keep her holiday dress clean and neat.

After we eat, I tell Liss that we're going dancing, and Lily gets the first one as I turn up the music and take her in my arms. Her eyes are shiny with wonder as I cradle her close and I think about how the last ten months with her have changed my life completely. She means so much to me, to Lissy, and I'm glad we were able to come together and have her; she's a blessing to both of us and I cherish her.

As well as her Mummy. When that song ends, I set her down on the ground on a big pad I arranged to have out there, with an assortment of her toys, and then I tell her that it's Lissy's turn. I've always loved dancing with Liss; it's a perfect excuse just to hold her and be near her, and we both become caught up in each other and what our relationship means to us.

I glance over to see what the baby's up to while we're slowly swaying under the moonlight and then my arms tighten enough around Lissy that she looks up at me. "Oh my god. Look at Lily," I whisper, not wanting to startle either her or my wife, but I can hardly believe what I'm seeing.

Apparently, Lily didn't like being left out, because she's come off the quilt I set her on, pulled herself upright using one of the patio chairs, and as we both watch, frozen in shock, worry, and amazed excitement, she looks at us, almost defiantly, like Check this out, guys!, and lets go.

"Oh..." Liss is ready at a moment's notice to sweep her to safety, but I say, very quietly so as not to break Lil's wondrous reverie of concentration, "Let her try it, see what she does."

Though I'm filled with a little apprehension. The terrace floor is hard, solid concrete, really, and Lily's black dressy shoes don't have a whole lot of support, nor all that sturdy of soles to stabilise her. But I can see the determination in her tiny face as she tries to move forward. She sways, reaches for the chair leg to steady herself, and then she lets go again. Then she takes a step...when she doesn't fall down, she takes another, two more, then she starts to sway and I realise Liss and I have both become absolutely transfixed, like statues, afraid that if we look away for a split second we're either going to miss something utterly fantastic or let our child fall into danger. One more step, and she's nearly to us; Lissy can't stand it any longer and reaches to take her hand and help her along the rest of the way. She scoops her up and we're both hugging her, exclaiming proudly over her new feat. "You walked by yourself, muffin!" "What a big girl!"

She laughs, happy that she's finally able to do it on her own. 

And then I take both of them into my arms at once and twirl them 'round, beneath the stars. 

Lily's First (Mewry) Christmas

After that first time Lil walked all by herself, there's no looking back. She's gained this newfound confidence in herself that's a joy to observe. She's still rather wobbly and inevitably loses her balance and falls down now and again, but she always determinedly gets right back up and gives it another go.

The morning after that magical night out on the terrace, when we both wake Liss goes to fetch Lily. I'm in the bathroom washing my face, when I hear Lissy say, "There he is! Go get Daddy!" and I look to see Lil slowly, deliberately toddling her way over to me. Her eyes are bright with excitement and she's got a beaming smile on her face. Liss is behind her but holds back; she's watching her with pride, too as Lil gets all the way to the bathroom door and holds onto the frame with her small, chubby hands for support. I sweep her up, toss her into the air and make her giggle before giving her a huge hug and a kiss. Forget any major accomplishments I've managed in my own life; nothing at this moment in time compares to this one of my daughter's. She's mobile and both Liss and I couldn't be prouder.

Soon we're headed back to the farm to settle into domestic bliss once more and, most importantly, await Christmas. I've always loved that time of year anyhow; it's a time for rest and reflection on all that's gone on in the months before, but with Lily now a part of us, it's gonna be even more special. As I mentioned before, she may not in years to come remember any details of this first one, but we sure will.

When we're nearly home, there's a phone call on my mobile and it's my mum, wanting to know how far away we are. "Should be there shortly," I tell her.

She tells me she's got the house clean and ready for our return; also she and my dad are both waiting for us, with supper already prepared, so Liss won't have to worry our first night back. My mum's great about things like that; usually we're invited over to see them when we get home, but I reckon she figured it'd be easier if they came to us, with Lily. As it is, we've been gone for quite awhile that I wonder if she'll even remember her room and her own belongings. I relay that to Lissy before hanging up. "They're too good to us," she says. I know that they're really excited to see Lil. They visited for a bit but that was early on in filming, before she got sick, so they haven't seen her in some time. Besides, we didn't tell them she was walking yet, just so we could show them soon as we get in.

We get home and they both come to greet us as we make our way into the house with a few bags here and there. Liss has Lily in her arms and when my mum would take her, I stop her. "Stay right there."

Lissy sets Lily on her feet and off she goes, a mite unsteady at first, but with great enthusiasm and joy, as we watch her and then watch my mum and dad watch her. They both look like they could cry; and then she reaches Mum, who picks her up and gives her a huge hug and a kiss, passing her on to my dad, who does the same thing.

"I think that's the greatest Christmas gift ever," she says, and we all have to agree, other than the wonder of her altogether. It's hard to believe this will be the first one with Lil, since she's so much a part of us that it seems strange to remember what our life was like before her.

After we get most of the major stuff inside---unpacking is probably going to be a task that'll take several days to fully complete---the first order of business is going around the house and trying to put up, safeguard, or fully remove potential hazards for the baby. When we left, she wasn't old enough to move around on her own yet, so neither Liss nor I thought about anything like that. You should've seen the two of us at our apartment in Sydney, getting down on her level and moving all over, trying to see what needed to be fixed, put elsewhere, or covered up, even in Britain when she was crawling. Pretty comical. In the short time it took us to unload part of our belongings, Mum said she had to move several things and keep Lil away from others. This is what you get when you have a healthy, active, very curious little girl wandering about.

I'm glad to see Lily takes to both her Nana and Papa straightaway, since it had been awhile I worried she wouldn't want to go to them, but she acts like they've always been around and she's completely comfortable with them.

And I have to tell you, it feels absolutely fucking wonderful to be finally back home at last. I can tell Liss feels the same; she's relaxed and happy being in familiar surroundings. She always says as long as she's with me, she's content wherever we might be, but it's great to be in your own environment with your own belongings, and, most of all, the people you love the most. It's so important for Lily's sake, too.

The first night back Lil falls soundly asleep; guess she felt secure back in her own room, in her own home, too---and I think it's also the best sleep Liss and I have had in some time.

We literally have just days until Christmas, so we have a lot to do to make everything ready and festive. Lissy's big on decorating for special occasions; we have something for nearly every major day celebrated here and even in America to put up in the house to show our holiday spirit, which means there's something signifying some event nearly all year 'round. I know for a fact this is the only place in NSW if not the entire continent you can find everything trimmed in red, white and blue for American Independence Day. Well, anyway, it's something she loves to do, and I love indulging her in it, so if you stand still long enough while Lissy's decorating you might find yourself covered in ribbons or lights or some sort of sparkly bits.

But it's that big overgrown kid in me that loves Christmas, so I'm happy to help Liss. We went and got the biggest tree we could find; and then for good measure we also got a small one that's just for Lily. Lissy found tiny pink and white twinkling lights to put on it and her own set of miniature, dainty ornaments to match.

We didn't plan, however, for Lil to want to 'help' as we decorate the trees, so while I'm in charge of stringing lights, Liss sits on the floor with her on her lap to watch and direct. Didn't want her to get into the ornaments; she's still at that stage where she instantly puts things in her mouth; and we both knew if we tried to keep her in one spot for any amount of time we'd have a wholehearted tantrum on our hands. She knows that she's a definite part of the family and has to be involved. Don't know how we're gonna keep her from everything once we get it set up, but we'll just have to keep an eye out for her and make sure she doesn't get into too much mischief.

Now, though, she's quiet with wonder, her eyes wide as she gazes about at everything sparkly and glistening and festive. Her mummy talks to her, pointing things out, sometimes lifting a special ornament or two out of the box to show her, patiently explaining to her that she must only look and not touch, as Lil inevitably reaches for each one dangling in front of her with eager hands.

When I finish with the lights, first on the big tree and then on Lily's little one, I plug them both in and the room is suddenly lit up with twinkled bits, like thousands of bright stars. We did the great one all in white lights, so next to it Lil's special tree looks like a pretty rosy jewel. The baby squeals, bouncing on Lissy's lap, and claps her hands. "More."

Liss laughs. "There aren't any more to put on there, muffin. Daddy put all of them up that we could get." 

"More," Lil says again, undeterred. 

"We can put all of these others on, sweetheart..." Liss stands with her in her arms and then the two---sorry, the three of us---begin putting all the other decorations on the tree. There's some that we've had forever, and then a bunch that Lissy and I both chose together, so each one has meaning. Liss patiently lets Lily sort of help, wrapping her fingers over our daughter's small ones to guide her in finding just the perfect spot to place each and every one.

The last, newest one goes right in the centre: a teddy bear with a pink ribbon round its neck proclaiming "Baby's First Christmas", and then I take her from her mum and lift her up high to help place the large silver star on the very top. We stand back to admire it. "It's so beautiful," Liss sighs, reaching for both me and Lil to kiss us.

"Mine." Lil is already struggling to get out of my arms and down to her own tree, which seems dwarfed by the main one. We both laugh. "Of course, we need to do up yours too, don't we, love?" I say, and then we're down on the floor with her, assisting her with the very special decorating of her own first Christmas tree.

When that's finished, I get up only long enough to turn out the lights in the room so we're only illuminated by the lights on the trees. Lily, on Lissy's lap, claps her hands again. "More!" she shouts, and we have to chuckle at her extreme enthusiasm.

"That's all, angel," I tell her. "Until we get presents underneath." 

Liss rests her chin atop Lil's head; she's quieted and is just staring at the trees as she holds her bear to her. I reach for her and kiss her temple. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Mmm...Merry Christmas to you, too, honey." We both look at our child and smile. 

Lil looks at us. "Mewry...mewry..." She can't get the entire sentiment out. 

"You too, baby girl," I tell her, and we just sit there on the floor in our darkened living room, gazing at the lights and the tree and our daughter.

Christmas is even more special viewing it through Lily's eyes. Everything is new to her, and she's absorbed in the magic of it all. I don't know what means more to me: seeing things as she does, or watching my wife's observation of our daughter, for Lissy is caught up in the wonder of it all, too. It was always a remarkable thing to share this time with her, but now that we have a child, it's even more amazing and precious.

Once we start to get packages under the tree, it's even more difficult to keep curious little Lil out of there. She doesn't get the concept that there are things INSIDE the bright coloured boxes, especially that there are things specifically for her, but she's fascinated by the decorated paper, the shiny ribbons, and big bows. When we were wrapping gifts, letting the baby 'help' as usual, Liss showed her how to take the self-adhesive bows and stick them on things, which we're now beginning to regret. One afternoon she goes missing on us for about ten minutes after which time we find every bow on every package taken off of where it belongs and stuck to other assorted things---furniture, the television, etc. ---all at Lily's level in the living room. And sitting there in the midst of it all there she is, with a few stuck on herself and one big red one on the top of her head for good measure. She smiles when she sees us, and we have to try not to laugh and look properly chastising. "Pretty," she says. "See, I pretty."

Lissy reaches her first, plucking bows from her, and fails to look too stern; rather, she kisses her as she takes the one off her head. "Liliana Jade Crowe, now we've got to put them all back where they're supposed to be," she scolds. "You naughty girl."

"Funny," Lil says, totally unrepentant, and laughs. 

I do too, I can't help it, she's too damn adorable. Liss thrusts the baby at me and tries to gather as many as she can in her hands, sighing when a bunch spills onto the floor again. "Don't encourage her," she warns, but she's smiling even as she shakes her head at Lily's mischief. So when no one gets a bow on their gift, I guess we'll have to explain why.

As I promised her, too, as soon as we have time, I take her out and introduce her to the horses. Liss comes with us; it's been awhile since we've seen 'the girls', as Honey, Lissy's horse Sugar, and Sugar's daughter Hope are affectionately known as. I'd like to buy Lil a pony of her own, but somehow Liss isn't too keen on this idea yet, either. "She can barely walk," she tells me, any time I bring it up.

"Best time to be teaching her to ride," I explain, but she'll have none of it. Been working on her, though, and I figure the best way to convince her that it's a good idea is to show her how Lil interacts with the horses.

Of course, I'M not even sure how she'll be around the horses. She's seen pictures of them, things like that, and she seems to love animals, but I don't know how she'll be with one right there, if you know what I mean. So her Mum is along, all nervous and protective, just to see.

All three of them are roaming the enclosure next to the stables and immediately come to the fence as soon as they see us. I've got Lily and admirably, she doesn't shrink back in my arms, doesn't start to fuss, only watches them with her usual curiosity. "Horsie," she says, looking to her mum for affirmation.

"Yep, those are, aren't they, sweetie?" Liss reaches and scratches Sugar's nose; the mare nickers and leans further to nuzzle her as Hope crowds in, hoping to gain some of that affection for herself. Lil watches and then gazes with big eyes at Honey, who's come to see what I've got. "It's okay," I tell her, reaching over to pat the horse's neck. "Hold your hand out so they can check you out, love." I show her and she timidly extends her tiny fingers, palm up, while Lissy watches anxiously and I hold onto her.

Honey sniffs her, intrigued, and Lily giggles at the feel of her warm breath on her. Everything's gonna be fine from here on. "See, touch her gently, like this..." I show her, and the baby tentatively pats her, as the other two crowd over to see who this new little person is. Lil looks a bit overwhelmed at first but then is reaching to touch them, too, as they all three show her the same attention and ready adoration they do to me and Liss.

"We've bonded here, I reckon," I say, trying to keep Lily from strangling Honey, as she's got both small arms wrapped 'round her nose and is trying to hug the hell out of her. Lissy doesn't say anything, only shakes her head again with that beautiful Mum smile on her face and I don't think it'll take too much to at least nudge her in the direction of that pony after all. Liss isn't a hovering, overprotective sort, honest, but after all we went through to bring Lily into our lives; I can understand her need to make sure she's safe and well taken care of. But I can tell everything's fine with her, too.

 After that, Lily wants to see the horses morning, noon and night. Her favourite thing is to take them carrots; she has the fearlessness most young children have of things they don't know yet so she readily holds them out to them. The first time Lissy saw her feeding them, I thought she'd nearly faint; true, any one of 'em could take her hand and probably her entire arm off with one bite if they wanted to, but it's not in their nature and in fact, they try to be very gentle and understanding with her. Each one of them daintily takes the carrot from the baby's fingers and this always makes Lily giggle, totally enchanted.

I take her out riding, and she loves that; holding her in the saddle in front of me. We walk Honey around at a sedate pace, except when Liss isn't riding with us; then we go at a fair trot, though even I don't feel too comfortable galloping all out with my arm around my tiny daughter just yet. Still this child shows no fear, she laughs and yells either "More!" or "Go! Go!" with her limited vocabulary and I have to chuckle at her sense of adventure and her total embrace of life and all its splendour. Sometimes when it's just the two of us we go off and come back with flowers we picked just for Lissy, and I know her mummy treasures each and every one. She has them in cups full of water on the kitchen windowsill, until they start to fade or droop just a little, and then she chooses a few to press in a book to keep forever. There's plenty more to bring back so the sill is always full of them, though. I love seeing the pride on Lily's sweet face and the joy on Lissy's beautiful one, and it's at those times that I don't give a fuck if I ever make another movie again, if every day could be like these ones are.

Soon, it's Christmas Eve; the three of us are spending it alone together as a family before tomorrow when my parents will be over, probably my brother and his family sometime as well, and who knows who else.

It's calm and peaceful, since we've both told Lily about Santa Claus, but she's not old enough to be all anticipatory and want to stay up half the night yet. Still, of course he's going to visit us just the same, we've all been pretty good this year. Earlier we helped the baby hang her own small stocking; she kept trying to stick her bear in it until we explained to her that she had to leave it empty for Santa to fill. Don't know if she understood but after a bit of fuss, we finally got it hung and left it there.

She's sitting on the floor playing with some of her toys and I have to grin as every so often I see her wistful gaze wander to the bowless gifts under the tree. Liss is planning to put them all back on tonight, after she's asleep, hoping that in the morning, she'll be too caught up in her new toys to even attempt to pull any of them off. Good luck, I say, 'cause it appears that our daughter's definitely inherited a sense of mischief and unfortunately, it wasn't from her mum.

Liss is cuddled up next to me on the sofa, and she makes a contented sound as I gently rub slow circles on her back. "Love you, angel," I tell her, and she lifts her face to mine for a kiss.

"Love you, too." Then we're both still and I think she's gone to sleep in my arms, till she whispers, "Just look at her." 

I look at Lily, who's stopped playing momentarily to gaze at the trees, the main one and her small one. We've left the other lights off so the only light comes from them, and as she turns her head to look at us, they illuminate her from behind so she looks like a tiny angel with a halo glowing around her dark curls. "Mewry," she says, still not quite able to express the entire holiday greeting, and then goes back to her play.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart." Lissy and I exchange meaningful, heartfelt glances, then I kiss the tip of her nose and rest my cheek atop her head as I hold her close to me again.

We get Lil bathed and put to sleep, and then the two of us are busily wrapping and putting out her gifts from Santa, for even though she's too young to really understand both of us feel it's only right to start traditions now, while she's still a baby.

"Did Santa get anything for me?" Liss asks. Now, the mischievous side, Lily definitely got from me, but the curious one is all her mother. 

I barely glance up from where I'm trying to get tape stuck on the end of a box. Automatically, she reaches and holds it for me as I get it secured, then I respond, "Don't know. Were you good?"

"I'm always good." Liss smiles and I can't resist sticking one of the errant bows on top of her head. She takes it off and throws it at me.  "And you wonder where Lil gets that from," she comments.

I smack it on the package and look at her. "Too bad...I like you better naughty."

"I'll just bet you do." We exchange what could be called in those randy romance novels a 'smouldering look', and then she tries again. "Well?"

"You don't find out until tomorrow, same as everyone else."  Far from subtly, I entice, "The sooner we go to bed, the sooner you can see what treats you're getting."

"From you or from Santa?"

 I laugh. "That's open to interpretation." 

"Well, let me tell you then, the sooner we get all of this done, the sooner we can go to bed," she shoots back. 

 I think we then set the world speed record for most presents wrapped in the least amount of time...me haphazardly slapping all the missing bows on all the boxes, and Liss having to go behind me with her sense of order matching the proper colours up to the ribbons...and then, without further ado, making sure the house is secure for the night, I literally sweep her off her feet and head off with her to our bedroom.

The next morning, we're actually awakened by Lily, who, although she can't get out and go anywhere, is busily playing by herself in her cot in her room. We can hear her babbling away through the baby monitor we've got in with her, probably to her bear, then, as if she's good and aware that we can hear her, too, she singsongs, "Dad...Mama..." before going back to her conversation with Teddy.

We slept in, precisely because we don't have a little one who understands enough of what's going on with the holiday to come fetch us at four am; and also because we rather thoroughly made love last night. Liss proved to me that you CAN be quite naughty and very, very nice all at the same time.

So first off the two of us stumble to the bathroom, take a very quick shower together before hastily getting dressed and going to get our increasingly impatient daughter, who's by now abandoned all play and is chanting "Daddy...Mama..." in steadily gaining volume.

Though neither of us can help but be in good spirits. Lissy kisses me and whispers, "Merry Christmas," before we enter Lily's room. I tug her still slightly damp hair, which is pulled back, and then plant a more lingering kiss upon her. Lil by now has gotten upright, clutching the rail, and gives us a look like, there they go again, which makes us laugh. Got her sense of drama from me, too, I must say.

"Let's go see what Santa brought you, muffin," Mummy tells her, lifting her out and getting everything ready to change her. 

"'Tanta." Lil nods solemnly.

Just as we're getting to the living room, my mum and dad come over, and it's time for Lily's first Christmas experience. 

Lil's eyes are as round as the gold and silver balls on the tree, as she looks at the bounty bestowed upon her. She doesn't know where to begin, and is gleefully reaching for those bloody bows again before Lissy distracts her with a gift, showing her how to tug and pull on the paper to find out what's inside. There are gifts for all of us, but we're mostly caught up in watching the baby's reactions to everything.

Typically, as both of us help her unwrap her toys, her focus is on the ribbon, those tempting bows, and even the bits and scraps of paper more so than what they were covering; even drumming her small fists on the boxes. Of course, once we show her more of what's inside I reckon her focus will shift. We unashamedly kind of spoiled her; she's got more dolls and stuffed toys, a playhouse that she can actually walk into, and, as a sort of temporary compromise with Liss, a stuffed pony that's almost the size of a real one, on rockers so she can sit on it and pretend she's riding. Her stocking is filled with all sorts of sweets and small toys, such as board books and clips and things for her hair, and she's kind of lost in the midst of her incredible good fortune, not sure what she should play with or look at first.

As she's trying to decide the rest of us open our gifts, too. Liss and I also shamelessly spoiled each other. She's emptied out most of the trinkets in her stocking, things I got her like perfume, some books she wanted, her own sweets, and then she begins to set it aside. I stop her. "Are you sure that's everything?"

"Why...?" But she's already felt the lump in the toe and reaches in to pull out a velvet jewellery box.  When she opens it she gasps and then looks at me with tears shining in her eyes and I know I did good. Mum and Dad move in closer to see, too, as she lifts it out of the box and I take it from her to slip on her right hand.

It's one of those anniversary rings, set in platinum, with three flawless, beautifully cut round diamonds in it. They told me it's supposed to represent your past, your present, and your future together, and once they said that at the jeweller's I knew that was what I wanted to give to Liss. "I love it," she says quietly, as she admires it shimmering there on her finger. "And I love you."

She comes into my arms and we just hold each other, my folks looking on with delight, until Lily happily chirps, "Mewry!" and we look at her, smiling.

"Mewry," Lissy repeats, looking right into my eyes, and I think it's the best one yet, so far. 

After we eat a sumptuous Christmas morning brekkie prepared by my Mum, I take Lily off to the stables to give the girls their Christmas gifts. She helped me choose the best, biggest, crisp red apples out of the bowl of fruit in the kitchen and we also brought along their beloved carrots, since they're easier for Lil to hold onto to feed them.

She wants to go riding but I convince her to try out her own brand new pony, so it's back to the house and then us grownups settle in and just watch her play with all of her new things. Soon, people are arriving, and the round of opening gifts begins all over. By late afternoon, Lily's finally gotten the knack of opening presents, and she joyously attacks each one as much as she can until one of us helps her, always stopping to admire the bows. Lissy finally gave up and let her have all of them she could lay her tiny hands on, so when she's not playing with her toys she's decorating everything at knee level with coloured stick-on bows. We're all walking about with them attached to the bottoms of our trousers and on our shoes.

We decided rather than a traditional sit down Christmas dinner we'd sort of have food out and let everyone help themselves all day long. Usually we have the main things over at my parents', but with Lily this year everyone came to us, and the house is boisterous what with friends and relatives coming and going.

By late evening, it's just me and Liss, Nana and Papa and Lily once more, and Mum helps Lissy clean up somewhat before they leave, too, and there's just the three of us again. Lissy's eyes are still sparkling as she hugs me. "It was a wonderful Christmas," she says.

"The best," I have to agree. 

"I don't want it to end." We walk back into the living room, where we left Lily still lingering over her new toys, and stop short. Plainly exhausted, she's curled up underneath the big tree, with her old familiar worn bear, and has gone to sleep.

"Someone else doesn't want it to, either," I comment, and we leave her there while we snuggle on the sofa once more. 

"Mewry..." Liss teasingly whispers, and before I know it, she's also asleep in my arms, her head resting on my chest. 

I grin. "Mewry," I whisper back, kissing her, watching over both her and our daughter. My two best girls. 

Our First Year Completed

Well, I still couldn't convince Liss that Lil would be fine with a new pony, but I did convince her to let me get her a puppy for her birthday. As much as Lissy pretends to complain about things like responsibility and who will really be the one to take care of our daughter's dog, I see the expression in her eyes that tells me she's only kidding and she loves every scheme, wild and crazy or not, that I come up with for our child. Though she still won't budge about the pony, but I can work on her on that one.

Because the baby's first birthday is quite a momentous occasion, we flew in Lissy's family to be with us for it. Since today was Lissy's birthday and tomorrow Lil's, it was especially nice for her to have all of them around. We had a family party earlier for my wife and then tomorrow will be the big one for Lily. As a gift for Liss, everyone that was staying with us moved in for the night with my folks and they took Lil with them. It's just the two of us and despite the fact that I love that, time alone with my wife, I have to say the silence is almost deafening, it's that rare 'round here anymore.

Though I don't think either of us minds too much. "Alone at last," Liss comments, her eyes sparkling, as she comes into my arms. 

"Yeah, and you're not to even think about getting anything started for Lily's party...it can wait until morning." I grin when I see the slightly guilty look on her face because I knew that was exactly what she was contemplating. "It's your birthday...and tonight, you're all mine."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that." She lifts her face towards mine and lets me kiss her. "So, you never said...did you get Lil's puppy?"

"Yep." 

"And that's all you're going to tell me." She's used to my surprises, although it chafes at her naturally curious nature and I can tell she's wanting nothing more than to pry it out of me.

"Until tomorrow." 

"Russell, you can be the most exasperating person I know." Her expression softens then as she adds in a tender tone I take to mean 'let's go right to our room now', "But I love you, no matter what."

"Love you too, Liss." I thread my fingers through hers as we begin our nightly ritual of making sure everything is secure and set for the night. "Happy birthday."

"I'm glad everyone's here." She smiles, remembering. "They were last year, too, although I have to say, it was a totally different story then."

I remember. Our due date was actually the day before so this time last year, we were wondering if we were ever gonna have Lil or if Liss was going to stay pregnant the rest of her life. She was so bloody uncomfortable and it wasn't the best birthday I'm sure she ever had, considering she was waiting for our daughter's birthday and we both just wanted all of it to be over so we could finally hold our baby girl.

Lissy must be able to read my thoughts for she says gently, "As awful as I felt this time last year, though, it was the best birthday ever."

"It was?" I think back to how exhausted she was; she couldn't sleep hardly at all, and I literally had to help her roll out of bed in the mornings and put shoes on her sore, swollen feet.

"I was expecting the greatest present ever," she explains simply. "The most wonderful gift I think you've ever given me."

I'm moved by her way of thinking so I'm not sure how to respond. Then she teases, "Though I need to tell you, your sense of timing has sort of set the bar pretty high for any birthdays to come."

I gave her a bunch of stuff today; more jewellery, flowers, and a hand-tooled saddle for Sugar that I ordered from a renowned leather craftsman in Texas just for her. But yeah, that sure isn't able to compete with giving her a child, so I have to admit, she's right. Before I can say anything, Liss wraps her arms around me. "I'm kidding. All I want is you. And Lily. And if I have the two of you, I'm absolutely happy."

I have to also admit, I agree with her. As long as I have Liss and Lil, that's all I could ask for. Lissy and I have recently had some fairly serious-minded discussions about having another child, although we'd like to wait just a bit longer before conceiving. We're both realistic people, however, and we realise that ultimately the decision isn't up to us, but is in God's hands. Still, if it's His will, and he chooses to bless us with another little one to love, our hearts will definitely expand to include a second child. If not, I'm content with what I already have, because it's already more than most blokes could ever hope for.