I enjoy evenings like this, at home, when it's just Russ and Lily and I having a bit of quality family time together. We're out on the porch in a swing Russell had put up for times just like this. Lily, who was playing with her dog Max until they predictably wore each other out, is now cozily sound asleep, her legs across her daddy's and her head cushioned on my lap. Max is sleeping just a short distance away, curled up in a big golden heap. Russ has his arm around me; I'm snuggled into his side, with my head on his shoulder, both of us gazing out at the growing twilight, listening to the crickets begin their night symphony. Everything is peaceful; the only sign of movement is the swing gently rocking ever so slightly, propelled by his foot. I'm absently toying with Lily's pigtails; her baby-fine hair beginning to escape from them here and there as she sighs in her sleep and wriggles just a little before settling down once more.

Because it's so mellow and calm, the words just slip from me, filling the silence. This somehow feels like the perfect moment to bring this up, without any preamble, although I suspect I'm about to shock the hell out of my husband.

"I think I'm pregnant," I tell him softly. 

Lifting my head, I watch his reaction turn from one of immense surprise into one of happiness. We've only been trying in earnest for a couple of months, since Lily turned 18 months old. I just smile at him as he says, quietly so as not to disturb her, "Really?"

Nodding, I whisper back, "I'm almost certain." 

"When were you going to tell me?"

"After I took the test." 

"Which would be when?" He's not upset, just teasing me. I confess, "I was going to take it in the morning so we would know for sure. But I'm about 99% positive right now."

The mood's gone from restful and reflective to excitable and on high alert. Still so careful not to disrupt Lily, he asks, "You have one here?"

"Yeah, I got one earlier, on the sly." 

He carefully shifts our daughter from me so she's in his arms. Lil makes a halfhearted protesting sound but as soon as her small head's against Russell's shoulder and she feels his embrace about her, she calms again. "Do it now."

"Honey, I..."

"Damn it, Lissy..." I have to smile at his impatience. "All right, I'll go." 

"No worries, I'll change Lily and put her to bed. Just go piss on the fucking stick or whatever it is you have to do." 

"Gee, sweetheart..." I can't resist teasing as we go into the house, Max following on our heels to watch over Lily as usual, "you're such a romantic." 

He points me in the direction of the bathroom while he takes Lily to her room. A few moments later, I come in to kiss her goodnight; Russ has her diaper changed and into her pajamas, about to try to undo her little braids. "Just leave them. I'll redo her hair in the morning."

Looking me up and down as if he would be able to see a discernable difference immediately, he says, "Well?"

"It's gonna take a few minutes until the results, you doofus." 

Lily wakes just enough to sleepily gaze at us; we both kiss her, tuck her in, Russ handing her her bear, then he raises the side of her crib up, she rolls over onto her side, and she's asleep once more. I have to smile even more---I can so clearly see Russell's anxiety and anticipation, but he's trying to rein it in as we go back into the bedroom. With him waiting right there, I slip into the bathroom to take a gander. Poking my head back out, he's just standing there; trying to act nonchalant and calm, but I see the tension in his big body. Without saying a word to him, I come back out, smiling still, and into his arms, hugging him.

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely positive." I can't contain my glee; neither can he. We went through so much marital strife before I became pregnant with Lily...since her arrival, things have been so good between us and we've wanted to bring another child into our family for some time now, only waiting until Lily got a bit older to do so. He just holds me tight and I know the rush of emotions going through him, they're the same as mine.

Sometimes I think about the baby we lost, shortly after we separated and then got back together, the one we didn't know about until it was too late. The child would have been nearly three by now. I can't dwell on past heartaches, distant regrets....but I wonder what he or she would have been like. Would I be pregnant now with Lily? Or would we have never gotten the chance to know our beautiful, precious daughter? All of these questions are really too daunting to think about. Mostly what I'm looking forward to now is our life with a new baby; and giving Lily the gift of a new sibling. She's going to be a wonderful big sister. She's so loving and giving, like her dad, and I know she'll be great.

"How far along do you think you are?" Russ' deep voice breaks into my thoughts.

I have to think back a little. "About a month, actually maybe a bit more...six weeks or so, I'm pretty sure." When he looks somewhat smug, I push at his chest. "Don't give me that look, you big stud, you." Of course, the undeniable fact that ever since we agreed to start to try getting pregnant again, we both became really hot and heavy for one another probably didn't hurt our odds any.

"Pretty damn good, though, wouldn't you say? Took straightaway and now you're preggers." He kisses me on the forehead. "What took you so long to suspect?"

"Sweetheart," I tell him honestly, "the last time, there was just you and me, a life of leisure and luxury...now we've got a toddler and a dog around and you wonder when I found the time to figure out I was pregnant? We're lucky I didn't start showing this one before I got a clue." But we both chuckle, imagining Lily AND Max AND a second child all running around creating joyous chaos in our lives.

"Here, sit down." He gently pushes me on the edge of the bed and I giggle at his sweet concern. "Sure you're going to be okay? You're right; we've got a lot more going this time round."

"Lily's not a handful. I'm sure she'll want to help as much as she can." I do know what he means, though; we're due to leave next week and go to Los Angeles while he makes a new movie. That's scheduled to take about three to four months, and by that time I'm going to be nearly halfway through this pregnancy and I know he's concerned about the toll being away for so long will take on me.

"It's hard enough taking her on location and living life out of suitcases without adding the stress of carrying another around with you, Lissy." 

"I'll be all right." I remember the last time, when we were in London, when Lily was tiny and she had the nasty scare with her health that landed her in a British hospital. "It's not like we're going to a third world country...I'll keep up regular doctor visits and besides, my family and friends are excited we're coming over. When they find out about this baby, they'll be even more excited...I'll have help with Lily the entire time, I'm sure." I sigh. "I'm more worried about her leaving Max, I'm sure she'll raise a fuss over that one."

"We've talked to her about that; she seems to understand." He grins as he covers my belly with his palm. "Don't know what she'll make of this, however."

This is true. Lily is very nurturing, she loves taking care of her dolls...but she's extremely close to the both of us, as we are to her, and though Russell and I know perfectly that our love for her will expand to include the new baby, I wonder if she'll develop a severe case of jealousy over the entire thing. But, one thing we've both emphasized in the time we've been her parents and she's been old enough to have some sort of comprehension is, we always explain things to her that will impact and alter her young life, hopefully in terms simple enough for her to be able to handle.

"Well, we'll have to tell her as soon as we can, so she'll get used to the idea." I cover his hand with mine and look at him. "Before we tell the rest of the family, we'll have to explain it to Lily." She's not quite two, but she's way more perceptive for her age than most. I think it'll be fine.

His hand slides up to encompass my breast, his fingers tenderly stroking. It feels so good but I can't resist asking, with incredible politeness, "What might you be up to, then, mister?"

"How 'bout celebrating?" He grins and winks devilishly at me. 

I giggle again. "You're so bad sometimes, babe." 

So bad...that he's soooooo good. 

The next day, we try to act like there's nothing different or unusual. Since we don't really see anyone else in the family much all day, it's not that difficult...but when I'm around Russ' parents, it's very hard to keep the news to myself. We talked about it and decided we'll tell them, and call my family, in the morning, after we've discussed the new arrival with Lily.

After supper, before her bedtime, the three of us are all cozily ensconced on our big bed together. We do this often, either watching a kid's movie with her or talking as she plays; sometimes just spending quiet family time, reading to her or telling her stories before she goes to sleep. Russ is especially great at this. He enjoys making up fanciful tales, doing all the character voices and making her laugh. You should hear his less violent, ok-for-toddlers version of "Gladiator".

Tonight, Lily's got one of her baby dolls wrapped in a blanket and she's busily feeding it from a toy bottle with fake juice in it. I watch her and can't wait to see how she'll be with a real one to feed.

"Just a little bit longer, sweetie, and then it's time for bed," I tell her, glancing at Russ to decide how best to bring this up. 

"I sleep here with you tonight," she announces. 

"No..." Russ tells her. "You've got to sleep by yourself...we were going to go get you a big girl bed, remember? So if we're going to get you one, you've got to BE a big girl, love. How old are you gonna be?"

She tries holding up two fingers, three pop up, and she has to push one down with her other hand. But she shows us with pride. Gazing at me over her head, Russell continues, "You're getting so much older...do you know what else will make you a big girl, Lil?" We both look at her and she, sensing a big revelation, stops what she's doing and looks back at us.

"Mummy's going to have a baby and that means that you'll be the older sister." There. He said it. She seems to absorb this and then says, holding up her doll, "I gots a baby, too."

The two of us smile at this. Russ leans over to kiss the top of her head and goes on patiently, "Yes, you do. But Mummy's going to have a real baby, and you'll get to help take care of it. What do you think about that?"

She looks at me. "Where is it?"

Not sure just how far we should take this, how much we should explain, I look helplessly at Russ. Why I do this, I don't know...usually I have the answers for her, but I've never had to discuss anything like this with a child before. Neither has he, I don't think, but he handles it admirably well as he says, "The baby's inside your Mum's tummy."

With interest she tries drawing up my shirt. "I want to see." 

"You can't see it right now, sweetheart." I show her my still-flat stomach, though. "It's not ready to come join our family yet...it has to grow and get big and that will take some time. When it gets bigger...it'll make my belly grow and then you'll be able to tell that it's there...we'll go and look at pictures of it inside of me...and you'll even be able to feel it wiggling. We might even find out if it's a girl baby, like you were...or a boy baby...won't that be fun? You can help me take care of it when it gets here...you take such good care of your babies that I think you'd be a big helper with this one."

Lily's gazing at me with extreme curiosity and fascination now. My husband and I just look at each other, wonder how much of that she understood, what she's thinking, and then she says, "How come it's in there?"

"Cause Mummy's belly is warm and soft and a safe place for the baby to live until it's big enough to be here with us." Damn, he's good. 

"Daddy have a baby too?" Whoa, she's pitching them out of left field now. I'd tell Russell this but he never gets American metaphors very well. Baseball ones especially.

"No, daddies don't have babies...just mummies because they're so much better at it." So much better at handling the pain, I want to say, but keep my mouth shut.  "This baby will be my baby, too, though, just like you're both mine and your Mum's." He looks incredibly proud of himself for handling this with panache, but I can now practically hear Lily's little mind hard at work and can't wait to hear what she comes up with next. She doesn't disappoint me; she's my daughter, after all.

"How'd it get in Mommy's tummy?" 

Before Russ can open his mouth to respond to THAT one, I say simply, smiling very sweetly at him, "Daddy put it there." And then wait for the inevitable next question.

"How?" She looks to him for an explanation. 

He actually looks so uncomfortable and almost embarrassed that I have to stifle a laugh. "Why don't we discuss that some other time...it's getting late and it's time for bed, monkey." He sweeps her up in his arms, lifting her high above his head, nearly upside down, and she shrieks with giggles, the subject of her new brother or sister quickly forgotten.

"Chicken," I murmur, so only he can hear. "'Fraidy cat. Wuss. Coward..." 

Tickling Lily, making her laugh even more, he slings her over his shoulder so she's dangling halfway down his back, breathless and happy, as we both get up to take her to her room and get her ready for bedtime. "You're giving the birds and bees talk when she's older."

I can't contain it any longer; I laugh heartily myself as we pad down the hall, Max close behind. Seems Mr. Tough Guy isn't so invincible, after all. 

The next morning, after we're all dressed and ready to start a new day, we go downstairs to find Russell's parents in our kitchen already beginning breakfast.

Lily squirms in her daddy's arms to be put down; when he does she goes barreling to his dad, who's waiting for her at the table. "Papa!" 

"How's my sweet Lily-girl?" Alex picks her up and settles her in his lap. She smiles at her grandma, who's busy at the stove. "Hi, Nana." 

"Hi there, sweetheart." Jocelyn smiles at her with affection. "Want some eggs, Lil?" She nods as Russell fixes himself a cup of tea and passes me a glass of orange juice and some toast, knowing I'm feeling just a bit off right now.

"What's new with you?" Lily's grandpa asks her, and none of us are prepared for what comes next. 

"Guess what, Papa? Mommy gots a baby in her tummy." 

I blush furiously, Russell damn near chokes on his tea, Grandma, who was beginning to scramble eggs for our daughter, drops the spatula in surprise and even Grandpa has to take a moment to regain his composure. Then he smiles at me as he says, calmly, "Is that so?"

She nods, very matter-of-fact. "Daddy put it in her tummy and it's gonna get big and then it comes out and I get to play with it." 

Russ looks about as uncomfortable as he did the night before when Lily asked him how it got in there in the first place. "WHAT exactly did you tell her about this?" his mum wants to know. He plays with his beard, runs a hand through his hair in that twitchy way he gets when he's not sure how to handle something, and honestly replies, "That's about the gist of it."

I have to tease again as I tell them, "He got really, really nervous at that point." They both laugh and so does Lily, although she doesn't get the joke. 

"How are you feeling?" Alex, who's always treated me with such love, as if I were his own daughter and not only one by marriage, is still smiling at me. 

"Great, Dad. Kind of ill in the mornings, but strong and fit, other than that."

"When is it due?"

"I'm about a month and a half along, I think." 

Jocelyn looks concerned. "Then you'll be all right to go to the States? Will it be...?"

"It'll be fine. I'm going to go to the doctor's regularly there, if all goes well with the film, we'll be back on schedule, just in time for Lily's second birthday."

"Mum..." my husband's finally found his voice, "...Lissy's family's coming for a visit, her friends are coming in stages...there'll be enough people around to take care of things. Of course, you can come over too...then I'll bring her home and we'll just settle in and wait for the baby to get here."

Lily, who's been only moderately listening to everyone's concerns, pipes up, "Daddies don't have babies, Nana." 

Russ rubs his forehead as if he can't believe she's saying all of this. His mother says, looking conspiratorially at me, "That's true, they don't, darling. Just the mummies, right? Because they're brave and strong and they're wonderful at having them. "

She nods so hard her ponytail bounces up and down vigorously and she looks like one of those little bobblehead figures.  "The daddies put them in the mommies but they can love them too." I have to put a hand over my mouth to keep from chortling with laughter. Boy, she really got it all last night. Down pat and raring to share with anyone who'll listen. She absorbed every bit like a small sponge, every single detail we gave her.

"That's right; they love them just as much as the mummies do." Her grandpa also looks like he's trying not to chuckle. 

"We were going to tell you this morning ourselves..." Russell is still gazing in astonishment at his precocious daughter, "but Little Miss Chatterbox beat us to it."

"Well, I enjoyed her version of it." Nana sets Lily's eggs in front of her with a cup of milk. "I think when you call your grandmother in the States, Lily; you should be the one to tell her all about the new baby." She looks amusedly at her son, who still looks slightly discomfited at it all. "She'd love to hear it."

"Okay, Nana." Lily digs into her scrambled eggs happily. 

"Do you want a boy or a girl, Lil?" Papa asks her. 

She thinks then announces, "I want a baby." 

Good choice, Lily. 

Later on, we indeed do call my mother and let Lily tell her; and she's beyond thrilled, even as she's laughing at Lil's version of things. She still insists she wants 'a baby', not choosing between a brother or a sister. Maybe she hasn't decided yet; I don't know. Her little mind works in fascinating ways, we're quickly discovering. Fortunately for Russ, she's accepting of the 'daddies put the babies in the mommies' part of it without pressing him to elaborate upon that any more. I don't really, at least not for awhile yet, want to have to explain to her how the baby comes OUT of my tummy, either, frankly.

We do have to talk to her about her exuberance concerning the pregnancy, considering that we're going on location, and, like the time I was expecting her, we wish to keep this news to ourselves as long as we possibly can. So later that evening in the family powwow on our bed, I'm the one to start.

"Lily, you're very excited about this new baby, aren't you?"

She's suddenly become this little mum-in-training, as Russ calls it, toting one of her babies everywhere with her, feeding it and taking care of it. Right now she's trying to dress it in its own miniature sleeper that matches hers; and she stops long enough to look at us and nod her agreement, clapping her hands. "Yay, baby coming!"

"Yeah, 'yay, baby'." Russ smiles at her. "We're really excited, too. But, sweetheart, you can't keep telling people about the baby in Mummy's tummy right now."

"Why?"

This time in the States is going to be interesting. Of course she's seen photographers from afar every so often when we go out; and fans seeking autographs and the like, but I'm not sure that she really understands what that means. Russell's always very firm but polite if we're out with Lily and declines to pose for photos or sign anything, because he's very adamant about not confusing her and keeping her protected. People are, for the most part, pretty understanding about this. Still, I can't imagine exactly what she thinks about it. We've never really brought that up or asked her, and she's never asked or said anything herself. I get the feeling that we're going to be discussing this once we're in California.

"It's a secret for now, Lil." 

This idea intrigues her, I can tell. "But I telled Nana and Papa and Gram 'bout it." 

"Yeah, you did, and that's okay, but from now on, it's just a secret that only we know about, love. Our special secret. Sometime soon, we'll tell people, and then it'll be okay if you talk about it. But for right now, it's something that we won't tell anyone else, all right? Shh..."

"Shh..." she mimics him, like a tiny parrot. "Okay, Daddy. I not tell anyone." 

"Good girl." He ruffles her hair and she beams with satisfaction, especially since she finally managed to get her dolly's sleeper on. "Ready to go to California?"

"Yep. Go to Mickey Mouse's house." That's what she calls Disneyland. My sister's coming with her children and I've promised Lily that while Daddy's working one day, we'll all go. She was disappointed to hear that Russ probably couldn't go with us, but she's excited about the rest of it. The last time we took her on location, she was very small and doesn't even remember it, so it will be a test of sorts to see how well she handles it this time. Then she looks sad. "Gotta leave Max, huh, Daddy?"

"Yeah, he's going to stay here with Papa and Nana. They'll take care of him and he'll wait for you to get back. Tomorrow we've got to start packing all the things you'll want to take, and then we'll be leaving on the big airplane to go, all right, princess?"

""Kay." 

Winking at me, Russ can't help but test her. "And you can't tell anyone else about the baby, remember?"

"DADDY!" She places her small fists on her hips and frowns at him. I have to fight not to laugh again. "Shh...It's a SECRET." 

"Our secret." I hug and kiss her and she pats my belly. "Uh huh...right, Mommy?" She looks disapprovingly at her father. "Daddy forgot." 

"Yes, Daddy forgot." My lips are twitching with mirth now. "It's up to you to keep him in line, Lil. Make sure he's good and he doesn't forget any more." 

She nods, very serious. I'll bet right now Russ is hoping against hope that this baby I'm carrying won't be another girl. He's already definitely outnumbered by women.

"I can't believe the things she says sometimes." 

We finally got our reluctant daughter off to sleep, and now the two of us are lying in bed, still discussing plans for our trip and the upcoming baby, among other things. He looks at me, shaking his head at Lily's perceptiveness. "Where in the hell does she get that from?"

"Oh...when she walked early and started talking way advanced for her age, all of THAT brilliance undoubtedly came from YOU, but when she's sassy and outspoken, suddenly she gets that from me? I don't think so." But I smile, kissing him. "Face it, sweetie, WE just make highly intelligent, incredible children."

His hand goes drifting down to the slight swell of my belly, barely noticeable to anyone but the two of us. "Yeah." Then, "Are you absolutely sure everything's gonna be all right, and that you're good to travel?" Every so often, I know, his thoughts turn back to the time we suffered the miscarriage and how much that devastated us. I do know, too, that he also has to be thinking of Lily when she got sick in Britain. I don't want concern for me, the baby, for us as his family as a whole affecting his work, but I don't want us to be apart from him right now, either. A few months ago, he left us here for nearly a couple of weeks while he went back to the States to do publicity for the last film he did, and we missed him terribly. Lily especially. Truth be told, I really do need him, and although this pregnancy appears to be normal thus far, and other than the bouts of occasional morning sickness, I feel wonderfully healthy and good, I really need his love and his emotional support. At least now, with this pregnancy, I somewhat know what to expect. With Lily, although everything was a miracle, we were both nervous and a little scared. This time out, I've been through it before, so has he, and we're a bit more prepared.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I promise. I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't so." 

"I can't help but worry about you, though." 

"I know." 

He snugs me close to him and looks deep into my eyes. "I love you, Lissy." 

"I know that, too." 

Tweaking my nose, he teases, "Smart, sassy mouth. Lil DOES certainly gets that from you. Can't keep either one of you under control." 

"Aw, you wouldn't want to, anyhow." Then I ask him gently, "Do you want a boy this time, honey?" He, like Lily, hasn't expressed a preference, so I don't know. Just a baby.

"I don't care, Liss, honestly. Just as long as everything turns out okay." He gets that devastating sparkle in his eyes as he tells me, "I don't mind us having another little girl...as long as you all don't keep ganging up on me." He grins as he goes on, "I kinda like the idea of having my own little harem of beautiful women to take care of me."

"Dream on, buddy." But I surprise him by rolling over on top of him and kissing him very, very slowly, my body deliberately rubbing against his. "What about one woman to take care of you? Tonight."

"Sure." He pretends to search the dark corners of the bedroom. "Where is she?"

"Shut up." I effectively shut him up by covering his mouth with mine again, making it last, taking my time, deep and intense. "You're so obnoxious sometimes."

"But I'm the father of your children." He says it proudly and my expression softens, as I pause and gaze down upon him. "Yes...you are. I love you, Russell."

He looks like he's going to make some deeply moving, profound remark to that, and then he whispers, "I know." 

"Arrgh..." I giggle, though, as he at first kisses me lightly and playfully and then it turns carnal and very potently sexual. And I DO love him. With all of my heart.

We begin to make love with a thoroughness and intensity, knowing that once we go on location with Lily, our time together will be shorter by necessity. But you know, it's really not about the quantity of time when our life's like that; it's about the quality of it spent with each other. And ever since Russ and I found our focus as a couple again, ever since Lily came into being, even the small everyday moments are special. And soon, we'll be adding another child into that.

Once I'm naked, settling back possessively over him, he pauses to look at me, touch me, and I let him, knowing how fascinated the entire pregnancy process makes him, seeing the wonder in his face as he discovers, as he did when I was carrying Lily, all the intriguing changes beginning to take shape within me. It doesn't matter that we've already experienced this; each one is a miracle, unique in its own way, the sensations with this one once again new and exciting for the both of us. 

Right now, we're very content to take things slowly, make it last. His big hands still easily cover my belly, and he looks at me when I make a quiet sound of pleasure. "You amaze me, Lissy," he tells me. "That you're going through this all over...willing to share that with me...caring for this baby...that's incredible." I can feel the love radiating from him and I don't know what to say, so I just gaze back at him, my hand coming down to stroke his face. He slides up to caress my breasts, and when I flinch a bit, he asks, concerned, "Are they still sore?"

"A little." 

"Christ, Liss, I'm fucking sorry." 

"No, it's okay." I have to smile. "The baby's making them that way, so I don't mind." 

"Yeah...the baby." Something precious that's a part of the two of us. Leaning forward, I kiss him again, and he has to grin. "I love you when you're pregnant because it makes you so damn hot for me. What happened to the sorta shy sweet girl I used to know? How did we get like this?"

"Let's see..." I pretend to ponder. "We went through that whole 'getting-to-know-you' sort of thing, only I had to do it on the cover of "People" magazine and on television in front of millions of people. Once I warmed up to you, there was trying to make this marriage work, living on two continents and traveling all over the world. Between which, we fought through all that shit, breaking up, making up...struggling...dealing with everything both of us brought to this relationship...oh, and in between, having our daughter and trying to settle into a comfortable domestic life with her and our dog. Not to mention now, this new little one." I want him to know I'm making light of it, finally able to after all this time, so I add, "But no worries and no regrets. None."

"You sure?"

I nod. "The reality of my life with you...? It's so much more than any fantasy I could ever have dreamed of." 

Sometimes, Russ still has a hard time expressing himself with words. But the beauty of it is I can always tell what he wants to say, in his heart, even if he can't say it aloud. So when he only responds by kissing me, I know what he really means by that. And I understand how much MY words have touched him.

"So where were we?" I ask cheerfully, and then I gasp as he lifts my hips up and over him, gently tugging me down so he's beginning his slow deep glide into me. "Oh, yeah...you were going to explain how the daddies put the babies in the mommies." I close my eyes as I can feel him so full and thick within me. "So THAT'S how it happens."

"As if you didn't know." He sighs, which makes me let out a soft moan, because I can feel it inside of my own body. "I'm not explaining it to Lily; I don't care how much she bugs me about it, you can't make me." His childlike protest makes me smile.

"Just tell her..." I have to catch my breath and start the sentence again, because he's now holding onto me and getting me moving on him in an exquisite rhythm, "...just tell her...it happens...when they...love each other..."

"That's true enough..." his own voice trails off as sensation begins to overtake us. 

God, I really DO love this man. 

We're finally set and head off for the US to settle in while Daddy works on the movie. Lily was so sad to leave Max behind, but assured him she'd be back soon; and her grandparents both promised to look after him in her absence. I spent a good deal of the plane ride over resting while Lily entertained---and was entertained by---nearly everyone traveling with us.

Luckily this time, Russell and I discussed it and we decided to rent a house for the duration rather than live life in a hotel. It's a beautiful one, fully furnished, with a big backyard, complete with swimming pool, for Lily to play in. She finally got her 'big girl bed', because this house didn't really have a furnished nursery, so she has to use one of the guest rooms as her own. We pad her in the big full-sized bed with pillows on either side each night so she doesn't roll out; she loves it, and even though it's not exactly a child's room, by the end of the first full day there, her things are scattered about and she's definitely made it hers .

Russ is certainly busy, but he makes as much time as possible to spend with us. He's starting to take Lily into the pool when he can and teach her how to swim. She's like a little fish; she takes to it immediately and is trying her darndest to learn how. I love splashing around in there with them; he's got incredible patience with Lil as she attempts to paddle and float; and she is absolutely adorable in her tiny hot-pink bikini and inflatable water wings. He tries to at least be able to kiss her goodnight every evening when he gets home; and I bring her to the set as often as I can to be with him. We've explained to her that Daddy makes movies, but I'm not sure she really equates the on-screen him with the real life man that she knows. She's never seen anything he's done so basically, for her, it's just a job that he goes to every day where sometimes, he dresses funny and talks in strange accents. He's got his American one for this picture, but for some reason, when he segues back and forth between them, Lily doesn't seem to notice. Anyway, since she began talking, mostly she sounds American but every so often her voice takes on the Aussie part of her and she'll sound like a mini version of Russ with the slang terms and all. It's really cute. He finds it amusing, too.

Before things get too crazy, I do indeed take her to Disneyland, with her cousins, and she loves it. She wants her Daddy to come next time; and when I tell Russ this, he says maybe we'll work something out. I know it's hard, with his celebrity status, but all he wants, so very much, is for us just to live our lives as a normal family, and I love him for that. We've talked about things, and he says after this next child is born, he wants to maybe only do a movie a year; we'll just have to see how things go. Before, when it was just the two of us, he worried then about us living a nomadic life, traveling all the while; and I'm sure, even though he rarely talks about it aloud, he's still concerned about that for our children.

Speaking of the new baby, the pregnancy is going well. In fact, today is a rare day off from shooting for Russell, and we've got an appointment at the doctor's to hear the baby's heartbeat. Everything's still secret; I'm not yet really showing, so we're trying to keep things as quiet as possible. Lily is especially excited; we've told her what's going to happen today and she's eager, already settling into her new role as the big sister.

She sits on her dad's lap while everything gets set up. For some reason, she's very quiet; not chattering away or asking a zillion questions as she usually would. I think she's in awe of the entire thing now that she'll be able to hear the baby's heart and know that Mommy really DOES have one in her tummy. She just clutches her teddy and watches everything with those big brown eyes. Russell whispers something to her, and she nods, not once taking her gaze from me lying there.

"She wants to be near you, Liss," he explains. They're sitting beside me as it is, but the nurse lifts her up so she's sitting there on the edge of the exam table. "Is that better, sweetie?" I ask her, wrapping an arm around her. Nodding again, she watches as the doctor turns everything on and up and we can hear the swishing sound.

Both Russ and I look at each other, smiling, and then at Lily to see her reaction. Her eyes are positively huge with wonder as she listens, and then she turns to me. "That the baby, Mommy?"

"Yes, that's your baby brother or sister." 

"Cool," she says, almost to herself. I can't wait until we have the ultrasound, where we find out what it's going to be. It was fun when she was the baby inside and Russell and I were experiencing it all for the first time; but this time is going to be even more special to witness it through Lily's eyes as well.

Pretty soon, I can't really hide my expanding waistline anymore; and, as happened when I was pregnant with Lily, rumors start that we're expecting. Lily was so good about not uttering a word, but we finally make the news official; and tell her she doesn't have to keep it a secret anymore. However, Russ DOES explain to her that she really shouldn't announce it to the public at large, either. I think he's afraid of Lil's version of the facts of life going global.

It's really a relief, actually, not to have to hide the swell of my belly so much anymore. Russell's now hard at work filming, trying to get the picture completed so we can go home to, as he puts it, hibernate, and wait for the next little Crowe to be born. We might have to celebrate Lily's second birthday here after all, but with my family and friends visiting us back and forth, it won't be a problem, certainly not on her part, to have a party here and then one with Nana and Papa when we arrive home.  Before the trip back to Australia, too, we plan for an ultrasound, to find out what sex our new child is.

We talked about the two of us, Lily and I, staying at our own home here in the States while Russ worked, but decided that was too far for him to see us on a daily basis. When we find out about the baby though, he says he wants to work on its room here. But I think, for now, our two children can share a room here and in Sydney; they're gender-neutral enough. I remember the frantic home improvements we did the last time trying to create the perfect little haven for Lily on two continents. Back at the farm, we'll have enough time to get the baby his or her own room...I don't want Lil to feel left out, pushed aside, or crowded, and, if this child is a boy, we're definitely going to have to create a whole new masculine nursery for him. We spend the most time there, anyhow, and I would like to involve Lily with us in preparing, if she wants, to make her feel every bit as much a part of this pregnancy as we are.

Finally, the movie's coming to a close; I'm about five months into this, and Lily's 23 months old, bursting with giddy happiness both over soon being a big girl of two and over the coming of the new baby. Once my stomach started to grow, she really became both protective and excited about this entire thing. When the three of us are together on our bed, because we've tried to keep things as we like them at home, Russell will lie on one side of me, Lil on the other, and they both touch and talk to my belly. I cherish that, lying there myself, peaceful and still, while I look at his big hand and her tiny one resting on me. This child is not going to want for love, I can tell you that.

I've had the usual rounds of tests done; wanting to make sure everything is all right. I haven't been as sick or tired so far with this one, primarily because I haven't had the time. It's different going through things with a toddler, as Russ said. But even though he's been very busy with this film, he's been such a godsend and a help to me where Lily's concerned. She's not a handful, like I told him, but she still has way more energy than I do and her daddy certainly is like an overgrown kid himself, in a lot of ways. When the pregnancy's gotten a bit much for me, stamina-wise, he's gone the rounds with her and held up remarkably well, I must say. Plus, usually, someone in my family or one of my friends has been staying here to help me with her; and then there's always David, our personal minder and Lily's adopted grandpa away from home.

Today is The Big Day; the day where we will see our baby and find out if we're going to be giving Lily a little brother or sister. Neither Russell nor Lily will say if they're hoping for a boy or a girl. I'm like them; as long as our child is healthy, it doesn't really matter to me, either; but deep down, I would like a boy; then we'll have one of each, and I want to give Russ a son. But the idea of having two little girls is irresistible, too.

Funnily enough, they're both incredibly quiet today as we wait for things to be set up. We did some internet research and are getting one of those new 4-D ultrasounds, where you can clearly see the baby in all dimensions. Lily, once again perched upon Russell's lap, is taking everything in with wonder. They're both sitting close beside me, Russ holding my hand in his, and then she covers both of ours with her own small one and looks at us.

"Are you excited for this, muffin?" I ask her. Wordlessly, she nods. Sometimes, I really wish I knew what was going through my young daughter's mind. 

Even more so, I really wish I knew what was going through my husband's mind; because Russell looks very reflective and lost in thought as he sits there holding her. I squeeze his hand and he gazes into my eyes; then he smiles and squeezes mine back. He then shifts his hand over Lily's so he's holding onto me and her at once, and she leans back against him, her head against his chest.

The doctor's readying all the equipment and I'm sure it must look somewhat strange and scary to a tiny person like Lil. When he lifts the transducer over my exposed bare belly to begin finding an image, she finally speaks up, in a shy little voice, "Don't hurt Mommy."

"I'm not going to hurt your Mommy," he tells her. "This is what's going to take the picture of your new baby so we can all see it." She seems all right with this and leans forward in anticipation as he begins.

These new ones are truly amazing. We don't have to struggle amidst fuzzy imagery to find features of a baby within me; suddenly it's there, an image almost as clear as if we were all peering directly inside my womb to see it. You can see how perfect the face is, each tiny feature, not an almost ghostlike image like Lily's ultrasounds were. It's moving; a hand where we can count all five fingers moving over its face; and then it finds its thumb and sucks on it, in slow motion, as we watch. I glance at my husband and daughter, who are both transfixed by this. Russell looks like he's in utter awe of it and Lily, well, she looks like she's watching the most fascinating movie imaginable. She points to the screen and looks at me. "That the baby, Mama."

"Yes...it sure is, isn't it, sweetie?" 

"That is the most amazing damn thing I've ever seen," Russ murmurs. Lil, ever the vigilant one, pauses long enough from her own reverie to accuse to me in a low whisper, "Mommy, Daddy said a bad word."

"I know, Lil. He's sorry." 

"Everything looks good." The doctor breaks into all of our thoughts and we reluctantly transfer some of our attention to him. "Want to know what it is?"

None of us can answer but he must see the anticipation on our faces because he goes on, "You're having a boy. Congratulations." 

I feel tears spring into my eyes and look at my family. Russell looks a bit teary himself; I'm still not sure what Lily's thinking. "You're having a baby brother, muffin," I tell her, worried that wasn't what she was hoping for.

She looks at him on the screen and then to both of us. "I wanted a boy baby," she finally admits, and I feel relief. Not that there would have been much I could have done about it but she never said anything and I honestly have been so concerned about how she's handling every aspect of this pregnancy. I know Russ and I have done a lot of things that have caused upheaval in her young life, but this has been the ultimate yet.

"Then you're getting your wish." Russ kisses his baby girl with genuine love. "You're going to be a big sister and have a little brother." I can see so much, in his face, how excited he is at the prospect of having a son. And I can also see that it won't in any way lessen the relationship he has with Lily already, because he's so gentle and caring for her, and has been from the beginning. It'll be interesting to see how this little boy we're expecting will fit in with our small family.

"AND I gots to go to Disneyland," Lily adds, in that way children have of suddenly changing the subject without warning. In her toddler's speech, 'Disneyland' comes out sounding more like 'Dizzyland' and everyone, including the doctor and nurse present, have to chuckle.

"Well," her daddy tells her, hugging her close. "A new baby brother AND going to Disneyland, all on the same trip. What more could anyone possibly want out of life?"

What more, indeed. 

"One of each. We're truly blessed here." 

I turn my head to look at Russell. We're both lying in bed, after a whirlwind afternoon of calling friends and family to tell them about our son. We had to fight to contain ourselves from going out on a shopping spree much as we did when we found out Lily was a girl, since we're going back home in just a few more days and didn't want to have to pack anything more. But I know what's going to happen once we get there. We're going to have to start preparing for the arrival of a baby boy. Lily has already taken to calling the baby 'my brudder' in her childspeak; and has proudly told nearly everyone we've come in contact with since having the ultrasound that she's about to be 'the baby's big sissy'. And if all of this wasn't enough, we've got a birthday party here the day after tomorrow for her, and another planned when we get home with the family there.

His hand's resting protectively on my tummy and he smiles when we both feel him stir. We first began to feel him move about a week ago, enough anyhow so that Lil and Russ could feel it, because I've felt him flittering about for a little while myself; and that's another thing Lily adores doing: sit and wait for this to happen. She could do it for hours, the most I've ever seen her still for an extended period of time. I love both of my children; and with the bond that's there already, I can hardly wait until the baby's born and I can watch the two of them really interacting with one another. "Got a star footy player there."

I reach out and kiss my husband. "God, I love you. So much." 

"I love you too, Liss." The baby settles down and then Russ says, "Just promise me one thing, love." 

"Anything." 

"I don't want him to be named after me." As much as that would be an honor, I can understand why he feels this way. So I merely nod my assent and remark, "I was thinking we'd name him after your dad."

"Really? Dad would like that. He'd like that a lot." Thoughtfully, Russ adds, "I'm not sure as a first name, though. Don't know that Dad would want that himself."

"No, I was thinking as a middle name." 

"What do you want as a first?" We've never really discussed it. "You can name him, Lissy." 

"We named Lily together." 

"Well, throw something out there and I'll tell you what I think." I have to laugh, just a bit, because when has Russ NOT told me what he's honestly thought about anything? "I don't think we should nickname him this time out and confuse Lil. Just name him now and be done with it."

"I don't know..." But I've thought of names for this child, boy and girl ones, I haven't been able to help myself. Hesitantly I bring up one that stuck in my mind. "Tyler?"

"Yeah, I like that." He muses aloud, "Tyler Alex..."

"Tyler Alexander." We look at each other. "I think that just flows a bit better." 

"Tyler Alexander Crowe." Wow. This is the quickest we've agreed on anything, especially something major like naming our son. Usually we have serious discussion, pros and cons...It's our nature and drives nearly everyone else crazy. "Like it. Not too girly, not too stuffy...I think it'll fit him, Liss."

"Well, then." We would've let Lily into the discussion but I've heard some of the things she likes to call her dolls and stuffed toys, and I don't think naming her baby brother something like Elmo or Donald Duck would have been a viable option. So Tyler it is.

"Now you have to promise ME something," I tell him. 

"What?" 

"Please tell me you really aren't planning to buy Lily a pony for her birthday." 

He laughs. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

"Russ...sweetie...she's too young, she really is. I get nervous when we take her out on the horses as it is...please don't get her one just yet."

He's still laughing. "No, I was only going to get her that 'big girl bed' we've been promising her. She's done really well in the one here." 

"Okay, that'll work." I then remind him, "You know, we're going to have to treat both of these kids equally, don't you? My grandma always said, 'if you get one child something, you've got to get one for all of them'. And that's true. I don't want either of them to feel left out of anything."

"Naw." He grins with that irrepressible grin of his. "We'll just spoil them both silly." 

Somehow I know he means this. Heaven help me. 

We have the birthday celebration for Lily in L.A. with our family and friends that have all been visiting, some of them can't help it; they already bought Tyler boy things, too, and then we're finally headed home to stay until he arrives.

This time, we only stay in Sydney long enough to rest a bit and get our bearings back, and then we're back to the farm where we can be peaceful and secure and really start to prepare for the new addition to our family. Lily is so happy to see Max, and bursting with stories for her grandparents. We have another second birthday party for her here as well, and she's wonderfully proud she got her big girl bed; emphasizing once more that now she's growing up and will be our older child.

We start to plan a room for baby Tyler. Whereas Lily's room is completely feminine, we want his to be the opposite, but still cozy enough for a baby. So we choose a more rustic, almost western theme, with solid, sturdy wood, denim blues, and red plaids. Lily helps us; although my daughter has a tomboy streak in her, she still adores frills, flowers, pastels and lace, so she's not at all jealous of her little brother's new digs. Besides, she points out, "Tyler gots a crib and I got a big girl bed." I'm sure that later on, they'll have their share of conflict and sibling spats, but for right now, she is thrilled to be getting her baby brother.

And, of course, we start to go nuts with boy things. We try to contain ourselves, but, as with Lily, we can't help it. In fact, involving her makes things worse, because now we have a third person, Russ and I, to get all excited along with us. I have to laugh because he bought Tyler a footy uniform he can't possibly fit into until he's older; even though it was the smallest one he could find, it could fit Lily now. But his enthusiasm is infectious, and true to our vow, Lil wasn't left out; when Daddy bought that, he also bought her a fanciful new princess outfit that she insists on wearing nearly every day, all day long. So I have my big bear of a husband who thinks he's still pretty much a kid, a big overgrown dog who thinks he's still a puppy, and a tiny princess in a fluffy lavender gown, feathered, sequined slippers and a fancy tiara all underfoot any time I turn around. Not to mention my growing and developing unborn son, and god only knows how his personality will turn out to be.

And I've never been happier. 

The pregnancy progresses quite well, everything as it should be. This one is a bit easier than Lily's, I think because I've been busier almost from its conception. I just don't have time for the moodiness and things I experienced with her, just because I DO have her to still take care of. And Russell does a fine job taking care of me, so there are no worries there.

I'm just entering my seventh month when I wake one morning with those funny false contractions that come and go at will. But by midday, something seems not right: they haven't gone away as before, and in fact, I'm noticing them with regularity. After timing several, I realize that they're actually coming about twenty minutes apart.

They aren't painful but they're strong enough that I've noticed them, and so I call Russell. After explaining to him that I think I'm starting labor, he insists we get me immediately to the hospital.

What makes it worse is our hurried explanation to Lily. As the pregnancy has gone along, she's gotten more and more attached to me and doesn't like to leave me, I think because some of her daddy's concern has rubbed off on her. When he tells her she has to stay with her grandparents for now, she, in a rare burst of a fit, begins crying, which upsets me as we leave.

"Liss..." he's trying to stay calm for the both of us, although I know him much too well not to be able to read the signs of imminent panic in him, "...Shh, honey. It's gonna be all right."

"I can't have him now...it's too early." I'm still crying, remembering Lily's teary face and her arms reaching for me as he hustled me out the door. 

"You won't have him yet, Liss. Everything's going to be okay. Shh...." he reaches for me, strokes my hair. I try to stay as quiet as possible, more for baby Tyler's sake than anything else. Soon we're at the hospital and they hurry me in to be looked over. Russ stays with me, first clutching my hand, and then when they have to have him move, he's huddled in a corner while they check me and the baby out.

My heart goes out to him. This is too much like the time of the miscarriage; and although I know that if I were to deliver Tyler now, he would be premature, but would probably survive, I don't want that to happen. Everything has been so good for us lately. I do know that Russ still has precarious moments, but they've been so few and far between since Lily. We do a lot of talking, and that seems to help; besides, once he told me that his truly dark days are behind him, because as Lily's daddy he can't afford to let that come out in his life anymore. I don't want anything to push him back into that now.

Finally, after being hooked up to monitors and having tests, they determine that I'm in the early stages of preterm labor. However, since the contractions, although regular, haven't seemed to have gotten stronger, and I'm not dilated to any noticeable measurement, they believe they can stop them. They're going to try, first just by having me rest and take things easy, then, if that doesn't seem to slow or stop them, they might try medication. But they're positive they can get it to stop. I'm going to need to stay here at least overnight, and then, the doctor says, possibly go on bed rest for a few days, just to be sure everything's back to normal.

I lie there on my side, as instructed, trying not to be so upset anymore. But I can't stop the tears from seeping out as I recall Lily's look of hurt and anguish as I left her behind.

Russ is sitting there beside me, still gently stroking my hair, touching my face. "Lissy...stop thinking about it." 

"She doesn't understand...she's probably upset with me."

"Sweetheart, she's probably upset at ME for taking you. I know my mum and dad have probably explained to her the best they can what's going on, and are trying to calm her fears. YOU need to stay calm, for you and the baby's sake. I'm going to stay here with you."

I shake my head. "You've got to go home to Lil tonight. She's going to need you." 

I am as tenacious as a bulldog when it comes to my children. He knows this. Sighing, Russell says, "All right, I'll take care of her. I'll bring her in the morning to see you, and we'll try to get you both home as quick as we can. But I'll stay here with you as long as possible..."

We mostly sit like that until early evening, when I get checked again and thankfully, they tell us that the contractions appear to have stopped. I haven't been feeling them for a couple of hours, and I take this to be a good sign. Russ and I have supper together and then I tell him he should go back home to tend to Lily.

"Trying to get rid of me?" he teases, but I can see the understanding in his eyes. "You just want to be alone with Tyler, that's what it is." He rests his hand on my ripe belly. "Take good care of your mum," he tells him, and I finally smile. "Missed seeing that today," he teases, kissing me. "Now I gotta try getting one of those out of Lil."

"Tell her I'm sorry." 

He shakes his head. "She's not mad at you, Liss, I can about guarantee it. But I'll talk to her." His gaze softens. "I love you, sweetheart. It's going to be okay."

I don't want him to leave, much as I prodded him to earlier. "I'll call you later tonight." 

And then he's gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts and our son. I curl both of my hands over the big mound of my stomach, over him. "Don't EVER do that to me again," I whisper, giving him an affectionate pat. Tyler kicks within me once, a solid thunk, that makes me feel much better.

Later that night I can't stand it anymore and call our house. 

Russell picks up on the first ring and his voice is hushed and low as he says, "Hey." 

"Hey." Embarrassingly, I feel tears come into my eyes at the sound of his voice. 

"How are the both of you, Liss?"

"We're good. It's stopped. They're going to keep checking me throughout the night and then in the morning. I'll probably get to come home tomorrow but they want to keep me in bed resting for at least two or three more days to be certain."

"Thank God." He then gets his usual bossy self when he says, "And once you're here, you're not to lift a hand, got it? I'll take care of you." 

"Got it." I smile, not expecting anything less from him. Then I ask curiously, "Why are you practically whispering?"

"Lily's asleep." 

"She's right there?" But I'm glad. Knowing her, I'm sure she's been clingy with him all evening, probably from the moment he got home and walked in the door.

"Yeah." I can hear the affection in his tone, can see him right now, probably stroking her hair and touching her as he did with me all afternoon. "She didn't want to go to sleep all by herself...and truth be known, I didn't really want to be alone right now either."

"Oh, sweetheart..."

"She's okay, Liss. We talked before I put her to bed. She knows what's going on but she knows that you guys are fine. She's..." his voice trails off as he says quietly, "Go back to sleep, baby." Then he says ruefully into the phone to me, "She's awake."

"Who's that?" I can hear Lily's sleepy little query. 

"It's Mummy...you want to talk to her?" Then to me again, "Hold on." 

"Mama?" Her drowsy voice is in my ear and I have to fight not to cry once more. "Yes...hi, muffin." 

"You okay?" I smile at her concern. "Yes, sweetie, Mommy's okay."

"Tyler too?" 

"Yes, Tyler's okay, too." 

"When you comin' home, Mommy?" Her sweet voice, so hopeful, touches me. Still trying not to cry, I tell her, "Daddy's going to bring you to see me in the morning, and I'll probably get to go home with you then."

"'Kay." There's a pause, then, "Miss you." 

"I miss you too, Lily." I swipe at a tear and add, "I love you, so much." 

"Love you." She's back to being my sunny little girl as she adds, "Know what?"

"What?"

"I gets to sleep here with Daddy." 

"You do?" I pretend I don't already know this. "Is he taking good care of you, Lil?" I ask, although I already know the answer to this one, too. 

"Yep." She yawns and sleepily adds, "No worries." I laugh the first real laugh I've had all day; and in the background, I can hear Russ laughing too. 

"Lil...do something special and important for me...you make sure you take care of Daddy too, okay?"

"Mmmhmm..." Poor little miss; she's so tired. I can still hear Russell chuckling as he says, "Liliana Banana, say goodnight to Mum now, all right?"

"'Night, Mama..." 

"Goodnight, muffin." There's a pause and then Russ comes back on. "She's almost out again." 

"Oh, let her sleep. She's had a rough day of it." 

"We've all had a rough day of it, sweetheart. But things are gonna be all right; and I'm coming for you both first thing in the morning." 

I can hardly wait that long. I want to go home now; even if I have to stay in bed for a few days, at least there I have my family around me. But I'm grateful that everything IS fine; Tyler's going to hang on till full-term; and I have Russell and Lily waiting for us to make it home safely.

"I love you," I tell him. 

"Love you too. Try to get some sleep now."

"I will." Just then the baby chooses to kick me again and I have to tell him, "Tyler says goodnight, too."

"Does he." I can hear the love for us both coming through loud and clear over the line. "Give him my love. Both of you. Be there first thing, Lissy, promise. No worries."

I have to smile recalling Lily piping up with that one. "No worries," I repeat. 

True to his word, Russ is there bright and early the next day. I've never seen a more welcome sight than him coming into my room carrying Lily, who squirms to be let down and runs to my bedside. "Mommy, Mommy!!"

"Hi, princess." Her dad lifts her up on the bed, after admonishing her, "Be a bit careful there, now, love," and I hug her. "Who did your hair?" I ask her. She's got it in two ponytails, one noticeably higher on her head than the other, the part a little crooked, with about half a dozen or more clips in it of every style and hue.

"Daddy did," she proclaims proudly. "And I helped." 

"She picked out all the clippie thingies," he says, which makes me smile, imagining the two of them working on it together. "Well, it looks so pretty," I tell her. Just the idea of Russell struggling to do his young daughter's hair up properly warms me inside. 

"AND," she adds, "I put my own socks on." She lifts the legs of her jeans to show me and I try not to laugh at the sight of one bright striped and one pastel flowered on her small feet. "Good job, sweetie."

"Being a Mum is hard work," he has to admit, making me smile even more. "Don't know how you do it." 

"Magic," I joke, but when my too-perceptive daughter says, "Really?" with interest, I have to tell her, "Mommy just tries to be a good mommy, Lily. That's all."

"Well, you're better at it than I am," he insists.

"That is why," I explain to him, "I am having this baby instead of you." 

He kisses me and I feel joy at being carefree once more. 

After getting thoroughly checked over, Tyler and I are allowed to go home. I've been told to be on strict bed rest for at least two days and then am supposed to go back to the doctor's to make sure everything's fine.

Lily treats my confinement as merely an extension of the nightly times on our bed. She hardly leaves me at all; she's always either playing on the floor right there with Max and her toys or else she's up there on the bed with me. Our bedroom is looking like an extension of her room. Russell is very accepting of all of the toys scattered about until he accidentally steps on one of her dolls and makes Lil cry; after which he begins to make some sense of all the chaos. He tries to stay with me as much as he can, which has to be pretty boring for him. Sometimes we just talk, or he'll be reading while I am, or we play cards...anything, he says, to make this less tiresome for me. At least, I think, only semi-jokingly, we're definitely bonding as a family here. I do appreciate their trying to make these couple of days go by quicker and be less of a burden for me. I'm grateful that I only have to be strictly in bed for these few days, and not for the remainder of this pregnancy, although I'd do it if I had to, to keep Tyler safely within me.

As soon as I'm on my feet again, we deliberately begin something with Lily. Russ will take her out with him for outings that are just the two of them; or I will keep her alone with me and we'll do something together as mother and daughter. We've talked about this, ever so much; done reading on it, and decided that since soon, Lily will have to share our time with the baby; we want to make sure she spends plenty of quality time now alone with each parent. Besides, she's still been so clingy to me, and we want to get her kind of away from that. It's not that she doesn't absolutely adore her father, but that I think her very nature is one of protectiveness and concern for me, like his, and, especially since my brief stay in the hospital with the preterm labor scare, she's worried about me and her little brother. When the baby comes, we will have to learn to divide our time equally between our two children, which I don't think will be too hard for me or Russell to do; we're both so devoted to them now anyhow as it is. And of course, still make the time to care for each other as a couple. That will be one of the most important parts.

Everything goes on smoothly once more. I'm getting really huge and clumsy as I waddle around and I'm so looking forward to the birth. I had forgotten what this latter stage of pregnancy was like and I realize now going through it once more that I shouldn't have forgotten it---it's tiresome and awkward and I want it to be over with.

Soon, as before when I was pregnant with Lily, the due date draws near, and my family makes their way over from the States once again to be here for Tyler's arrival. I'm really glad this time, because they're a welcome diversion for Lil...she's sensing the imminent birth and, I think, is now beginning to feel a little unsettled and insecure, despite all our efforts to assure her otherwise. Once he's here, we're just going to have to show her that our love for her hasn't changed and that she's still got a very important place all her own in this family.

I actually begin labor a few days early this time out, in the middle of the night, no less. So I wake Russ, and we wait for a bit, then get my mom up to let her know we're headed to the hospital and to take care of Lily. He's going to be the one to catch Tyler, the same as Lil, and he's very excited about this. After much discussion we decided that we didn't want Lily to witness the birth---at this point, she's still a bit stuck on me, and I just don't want to put my child in trauma witnessing what I have to go through to bring her baby brother into the world. We debate about whether to let her sleep or wake her and tell her we're leaving; and after listing the pros and cons, we finally decide to let her sleep. I don't want her to be hurt or angry, as she was when we went before, but Russ says he also doesn't want me to see her crying or getting upset as before, either.

This labor seems to progress so much more rapidly than Lily's. At least, the labor pains increase in number and intensity much quicker than they did with her. By the time we get settled in, they're taking my breath away and I immediately get my epidural because they tell me that this birth is coming at a pretty decent pace.

At least this second time, I know what to expect. So does Russell; and I sense he's more relaxed this time out as well. Although I can see what watching me go through this again does to him. I think he's torn between awe of it and feeling badly for me having to endure this to bring a baby into our lives.

They tell me I'm ready to start to push and I do, but it's much harder than the other time I did this and after nearly two hours of good, hard pushing, I fear that the stress of me trying is adversely affecting Tyler. His heart rate drops a little each time; and they're talking about a c-section, which I can see the very idea of has started to freak both myself and my husband out a bit.

"C'mon, Liss, you can do it..." he's still at my side, holding onto my hand, and he strokes my hair back, his face very close to mine so I tune everyone and everything else out and focus solely on him. "I know you can."

His belief in me feeds my own waning strength and with the next contraction I put every ounce of effort I have left into it and this time I can hear the doctor exclaim, "That was a good one. A few more like that and we'll have him out in no time."

For some reason I think back to all that traumatic time, when I felt that I was losing Russell forever. When he was in a place I couldn't reach to bring him back to me; and when my own hope was dwindling and I couldn't see a way out for either of us. And I remember what it took, deep down inside of me, to find the courage to keep believing in him and our love and to find what I worried we had both lost for good. And somehow, recalling that courage now gives me something to feed off of to fight now to bring our second baby here into our lives.

"His head's out." I look at Russ, who hasn't once taken his eyes off of me and hasn't let go of my hand to move into place to help the baby the rest of the way. "You should get ready," I tell him. "Go get ready to help deliver him, you know."

"I'm not leaving you, Lissy." Somehow, with that inner sixth sense we share with one another, he understands how very much I need him now. How very much I'll always need him. Once he told me that I filled up an empty space in his life. Well, now, I realize: he's done the same for me. Lily, and soon now, Tyler, are a part of that, too; but without him, I wouldn't have known the joy of them. Without him, I wouldn't have been able to become who and what I've felt I really should be. Because, even through all that despair, his faith in me helped me to discover my own faith that remained in him, and in myself.

I can't say anything right now because I'm caught up in all of these emotions so I just look deep into his eyes and fight again. And with two more strong, fierce pushes, Tyler is born and we have a newborn son.

The doctor still hands him to Russ, who gives him to me, and as he cries, taking his first breath, and I look at my husband, I know that he was still there for Tyler anyway. By being there for me. I hope he doesn't have any regrets that he didn't leave my side to do for this baby what he did for Lily; because we were truly united in delivering this child and I honestly couldn't have done it without him. If Lily's birth solidified the love and the devotion that we have for each other, then this birth only served to reinforce it once more. And I thank my two children for that.

I look at my son and he's gorgeous, absolutely perfect and beautiful. He's bigger than Lil, and more active. His crying has calmed somewhat as they wipe him off and I touch him, but his arms and legs are still flailing. Dear god, I think his personality is going to be like his dad's. He's got a lot of dark hair, fascinating hazel eyes, and whereas Lily, we felt, so closely resembled me, this baby looks a great deal like Russ.

Speaking of whom looks rather overwhelmed by all of it. He kisses me and then touches Tyler. The baby's finally calm and just looks at the two of us. 

"Thank you, Lissy." I just gaze at my husband and I'm touched by the level of emotion I see in his eyes. 

"No, thank you." Looking back at Tyler, he's still merely watching us as if he had the wisdom of the ages. I'm looking forward to getting to know this tiny new person as I was when our daughter was born.

"Hey, mate..." Russ holds out a finger, gently nudges the baby's fist and he instinctively opens up and latches on to it. "...why've you been giving your Mum such a hard time of it?"

I laugh softly then. "He's gonna take after you, I can tell." 

"You think?" But he looks genuinely pleased at this. Then they come to take him to be further cleaned up and measured. Russell stays with me and says, "I'm so proud of you, Liss." Then at my urging he's off to see to Tyler. He's indeed a bit larger than Lily was, weighing in at nearly eight pounds and a healthy twenty-one inches long. But when they bring him back to me, he still fits neatly in my arms and seems so small, despite all the worries he caused me throughout the last few months.

By this time everyone's been wakened with the news and has already gathered, albeit somewhat sleepily, I'm sure, out in the waiting area. I'm eager to see Lily so Russ goes out to get her. We want to introduce her to her new brother first and then the rest of the family can meet him.

He brings her in; she's dressed with her hair neatly done in a ponytail by my mom, no doubt, but she's kind of drowsy. "She was sleeping out there," Russ says somewhat apologetically, as she snuggles to him with her head on his shoulder. But she opens her eyes and looks at me, brightening as she sees me, and then the bundle I'm carrying. "Mommy..."

"Sweetheart...here he is." I hold Tyler so she can see and she leans out of her dad's arms to take a better look. 

"There's your baby brother, Lil." Her daddy kisses her, moving in closer so she can see him more clearly. "What do you have to say about that?"

"He's little." We both have to laugh at this. 

"You were this little once." I remember that day as if it were only yesterday. "You were even smaller, actually. Do you want to sit here and hold him?"

She nods, eager. Russell looks a bit uncertain but carefully sets her beside me and I kiss her before slowly placing the baby in her arms, mine still around both of them to help her. "Hold his head, Lil...you want to tell him hi?"

"Hi, Tyler." She's just looking down at him, suddenly a bit shy, and the baby, thankfully, is quiet and calm as he looks back at her too. "Happy birthday."

"That's right; it's his birthday now, isn't it?" We exchange looks as Russ cautiously sits on the edge of the bed himself. I love seeing him watching both of his children. They're starting their lifetime of siblinghood right now, and it's precious to witness. Lily bends over him and kisses his little head, and I want to cry at the sight.

Then she looks at us. "Know what, Dad? Know what, Mommy?"

I'm expecting some great insight or revelation. "What, sweetie?" 

"I'm happy right now." 

Russell reaches for my hand and smiles at all of us. "Me too, Lil." 

Once more, I'm reminiscing on everything that's brought us to this point. The uncertainty of falling in love with such a complex, intriguing, exciting man as my husband; the joys, the sorrows---for we wouldn't be here without all of those, too---the rollercoaster highs and lows of simply trying to build a marriage and a family and keep it strong and together despite the things standing in our way. And as I've always maintained, it's not going to ever be perfect, and the two of us finally came to realize that, but we're working so hard to make it as good as we can. Especially for our kids.

So I look at them, Russell, Lily, and Tyler, and it really IS a great insight. Into all of us, together. 

"Count me in. I'm happy, too."   :)