As I promised Liss, I take a couple of days to pull myself together. I've managed to book a studio in Sydney in three weeks' time; we'll all meet up then to finish working on recording. I'm hoping that she'll be able to come with me. The other blokes are all on their own until then; I'm trying to get everything ready to go back home to my wife. Do you know, when I announced the rest of the sessions in Austin were cancelled, everyone applauded? They knew it was because of my desire to be with Lissy again, and I reckon they were proud I'd finally woken up and taken notice.

That doesn't mean that everything's suddenly fine once more. At times, when I think, when I dwell on stuff, I still feel kind of overwhelmed. But as Liss told me, realising I'm not alone in feeling this way makes me stronger; I think when we're together and we're both able to share and try to work things through it'll make both of us that way, stronger as a couple rather than floundering alone. I'm sorry that it took all of this for me to find this out, but maybe this is all some part of a greater plan in life, and who am I to question that one, right?

When we're on the plane somewhere over the Pacific, Mark, who hadn't said anything about any of this throughout, looks over at me and merely says, "You've decided which way this will go, then."

I know what he means, hearing his words from the hospital coming back to me, that the miscarriage would either tear us apart or bring us closer together than could ever be imagined. Yeah, I know which way I want this to go. "Yep," I say, finally feeling part of the confidence I'd faked to everyone for so damn long.

He nods his approval. "Good," is all he says. 

No one, not even Liss, could force me in the right direction. There were guiding markers, all along the way, pointing out where I needed to go, but none of them could make me take the path I needed to, except myself. Liss is waiting for me, somewhere a little ways ahead, but she's not waiting at the end of it; I'll meet up with her and then I plan for us to stick together the rest of the journey. Y'know, I don't mean to sound like a fucking Hallmark card but it's like once I opened the floodgates to my own emotions, not only did I let stuff out, but I also found the ability to let stuff in, as well. And that feels mighty damn good.

By the time I get in at the farm, I've been awake for pretty much twenty-four hours straight, if you don't count my dozing on the plane. I haven't stopped really once, bouncing from one flight somewhere to another taking me on the next leg, to get back to Lissy. I should by all accounts be completely exhausted at this point, but I'm running on pure adrenaline in my eagerness to see her after being away from her for nearly two entire months now.

It's late, the middle of the night, really. I haven't spoken to her since Texas, since I knew if she was aware I was on my way home she would stay up waiting for me and I didn't want that. The house is still and dark and I try to be quiet as I let myself in, dropping my carryon bags just inside the front door. The rest of my luggage is still in the car and can wait until daylight. My heart begins racing just a bit as I can literally sense her presence so close. There are little things all over as I walk silently throughout the lower level of our home, touches of Liss that make me smile, make me anticipate going upstairs and finding her in our bedroom. Her shoes there by the door where I left my things; in the house she's constantly barefooted, something I tease her about all the time. A bowl and cup in the kitchen sink, with a book she's been reading flipped over on the table still, open to the page she's on. Tiny nuances of her, small reminders of the life I've been missing, the life I left behind that's mine to embrace once again.

When I reach the top of the stairs, instead of going directly to her, I quickly strip and shower in one of the guest bathrooms; after the long, long travel time I've got to smell pretty ripe and I don't want that to be her first impression of me, after all this time. Still trying to make a proper show of things, y'know. Then I pad naked to our room, and push open the door, softly closing it behind me.

Lissy's sleeping, curled up on her side as she usually is. As I approach the bed there's enough of a moon outside that I can see her, peaceful, her delicate features relaxed and composed. Her hair's gotten considerably longer than it was before; not as long as the Lissy from my dream, but just past her shoulders. She doesn't stir as I draw back the covers on my side and carefully slide in, fitting myself to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind, spooning her like always. I kiss the top of her head and sigh, content to have her with me at last.

She wakens with a bit of a start, and then I feel her stretch a bit, settling back against me, covering my hands with hers. "I hope that's you," she whispers.

"You who?" I tease, nuzzling her. God, she feels good, all silky and sweet in my arms. I can smell faint traces of that stuff she uses to take a bubble bath; it's like dusky dreams and moonlit promises. It's actually called Moonlight something or other, and it reminds me of her. If I scented it anywhere in the world, I'd immediately think of Liss.

"Just you." She turns over and frames my face in between her hands. I'm finally face-to-face with her, looking deep into her beautiful dark eyes. "It's me," I reassure, and she smiles. "I'm glad."

I kiss her and then tell her solemnly, "I want to talk." 

"Okay." Liss half-turns to switch on the light on her side of the bed. It's funny, she's not acting like it's been awhile since we last saw each other, but that we went to bed together hours ago, she's so accepting of things.

"This isn't working for me, Lissy." She pauses, wary, not sure of what I mean, until I clarify, kissing her again, "I mean, being without you...trying to handle things myself...beating myself up over the miscarriage...mired in grief over losing the baby. Our child would never want that."

She gets this softly reflective look on her face as she agrees, "No...It wouldn't."

It's kinda like before, when we had that confrontational argument over this, where the words are all spilling out of me, only this time, the feeling of pain isn't there anymore, only this fierce desire to get it out there, to have her understand. "I DID blame myself, despite what you said. Maybe I blamed you, too, despite what I said. I know neither of us had anything to do with it, but it was easier to feel rage than to feel sorrow. It was better to feel something than nothing at all. I hated the numbness, Lissy. But what was worse was knowing you felt that, too, and I couldn't help you because I was stuck in it myself."

She strokes my cheek. "We're here to help each other, Russ. That's what being a couple is all about. I told you before; you don't have to do it alone. You shouldn't have to do it alone. And you won't do it alone."

I reach and take her hand in mine. "That's why I'm here. That's why I came home." 

She blinks back tears and then she's the one kissing me. "What happened to recording?" she asks curiously. 

"We're moving the whole thing to Sydney...as soon as I can get things straight with you." Leaving no room for doubt, I tell her, somewhat imperiously, "And you're coming with me."

She gets this mischievous smile. She's always been able to see right to the heart of me; she knows my blustery act of machismo is all for show. "Straight as an arrow, not leaving your side...I think I can do that."

I take a deep breath. "And...I think the therapy thing; we should give that a go again. Try to anyway. The grief counselling thing might help, too, if you feel we can't deal with it on our own."

"Okay." She acts like this hasn't been a major sticking point in our relationship for these last few months. 

"You're very agreeable, Lissy." There's still something there she's not telling me. I can see the knowledge of it sparkling in her eyes. 

"I'm open to anything, Russ. Anything that will help you and that will help us grow. Strong. Together.  Always together, don't you remember?"

That was something I promised her back when we first met, that if we stuck together, we could conquer just about anything. I didn't believe it before, but I damn well believe it now. "Yes. I do remember." Smiling at her, I ask, "Can we start over?"

She sighs happily, holds me close. "We can start over. As many times as you want...as many times as it takes." I recall telling her that, too, when we first reconciled, back before all of this latest happened. I sigh, too, relieved, and then we're kissing deeply, passionately, hungrily, because it's been so long and we're both starving for this contact with one another. "I think that's all," I tell her, when we finally take a breather.

Liss dips her head sort of shyly. "Oh, that's not all," she says. "We're forgetting something." 

"We are?" Granted, we've still got a lot to work through, but I thought we pretty well covered the basics. Confused, I gaze at her. 

Very quietly, she says, "We're going to have more to think about than just the two of us." Taking my hand in hers, she draws it down low and cradles it against her body, over her abdomen. I feel the blood drain out of my face, but this time it's from good shock, not the horrifying kind. Everything is falling into place, making sense now: Lissy's recently acquired sense of peace, even with me being so far apart from her, her gentle, almost serene behaviour since I got back. Rather than the thought of another child on the way absolutely terrifying me, it gives me a sense of promise, a wondrous sense of hope and an affirming of our love and our life together. "We...we're going to..." I stammer, at one of those rare times in my life that I don't know what to say.

She nods, her smile radiant.

"Is...Is it all right this time?" Please, God, give us this one chance.

"I think so. We're fine." I'm then holding her...holding THEM, I realise...against me, and we're both crying with joy. 

"We're getting there, anyhow," I tell her, as she nods. She kisses me, and then I say, incredulously, "Wow. Talk about new beginnings." Then, "You could have told me."

She flushes, gets a tiny guilty look in her eyes. "I could have...but then you'd have come home immediately, and I didn't want you to because you knew I was pregnant. I wanted you to come back on your own, because you were ready to."

I can understand this. I can see her reasoning. Then, "Does Mum and Dad know?"

"No one knows but us." Since a goodly portion of my life's so out there on public display, it's good to know that there's something very special that only we're aware of, something that's secret between the both of us for now. We're going to have a child. WE'RE PREGNANT! I want to shout it out the window, but it's best that it's our own private knowledge for right now. Instead, I content myself with holding Lissy close. Liss and the baby, I remind myself, my hand stroking over her repeatedly.

Despite my fear that such a thing would happen, back when we were both lost in our own suffering, we never discussed it. Because I couldn't talk to her about much of anything I didn't verbalise my thoughts to her. I knew she wanted it, thought that I didn't, but those times we made love before I left the possibility that it might happen never occurred to me. The only thing I was concerned with was making it good and right for Liss, because that was all I could give to her at that time. And to know that I inadvertently gave her the greatest gift of all makes my homecoming all the sweeter.

This goes to show you that it's never too late for us. I'm in my early forties, Liss in her late thirties, a bit old to become first-time parents, but I look forward to the latter half of my life with this child, and any more we might have, if that's our destiny.

When we first met, Lissy was already on the pill, more for feminine issues than birth control itself, but after we got together, she changed to the newer patch since she always joked being with me messed with her mind, consumed her thoughts, and she was afraid she'd forget to take it sometimes. We'd make a game out of it, every time she had to put a new one on; make a production out of choosing the perfect spot to stick it on, which fell to being my duty, and usually involved some state of undress. Which then would usually end up in a playful tussle and then, inevitably, us making love. I never felt anything was missing in my life with her, until the loss of the first baby, but now that there's another on the way, I feel a spot opening up in my heart to include it, along with the intense love I feel for my wife. It's not a replacement for the first child, but rather, a precious gift all its own.

Lissy's soft laughter brings my focus back to the present. "You should see the expression on your face," she says. "You look like a little kid at Christmastime. Partially in awe, partially stunned, like you're overwhelmed and excited and sort of slightly confused, all at once."

That exactly sums up how I'm feeling right about now. She tucks her head against my shoulder and hugs me close. "You'll have a few more months to get used to the idea."

"Are...are you sure you're all right?" I still can't help my residual nagging feelings of anxiety. And protectiveness, now that I have the little one to think of as well.

She lifts her face, looks into my eyes with that trusting look of hers---even with everything that's gone on, she still has this inherent trust in me, and that humbles me. "A little sick...but I'm being careful...taking care of myself..."

Smiling, I kiss the tip of her nose. "Now I'm here to take care of you."

"Welcome home," Lissy tells me, and I feel that welcome all the way to the depths of my soul. 

I slip my hand underneath her shirt---she always wears one of my old flannies to bed---and rest my palm over her belly. The baby's not really showing yet, but I can feel it, the slighter roundness there. I know her body intimately, almost as well as I know my own. "Can I see?" I ask her, curiously, wanting not to miss a single moment of this from here on out, wanting to see the changes the baby's making within her. "Yes," Liss responds, softly, and I slowly draw the shirt up and over her head, drawing the bedcovers back so I can look at her full-on. She's beautiful. Obviously, there are deeply intense, sexual feelings for my wife going through my mind---after all this time apart, it would be only natural---but as I look at her, noting what the pregnancy's doing to her body, it's more emotional right now. We didn't know, didn't take the time to notice this before, and I don't know 'bout Lissy, but I plan to treasure every tiny detail of this one.

"You can hardly tell," she whispers, but I shake my head as my hand curls over her belly once more. "No, I can see it." Our eyes meet as she takes the other one in hers, linking our fingers together. I stroke her tenderly. "Here...you're just a little fuller..." There's a gentle swell to it, a curve that only the two of us would ever notice at this point. Sliding my hand up, I cup one of her breasts. "...You're fuller here, too, and your nipples are darker." I nuzzle her, watching her eyes slide shut as she lets out a small moan of pleasure. "God, you're lovely, Lissy. You're so sensitive to me...I love that..." She opens her eyes and we watch each other again. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart." I kiss her and she buries both hands in my hair, clinging to me. Quietly, I whisper, "Can we...is it all right to..."

"Yeah." Teasingly, she glances down the length of my body, then back up again. "It's more than all right, actually."

"Don't want to hurt you...I'll be so careful, Liss, I promise..."

"You won't hurt me, or the baby. I trust you." 

Those last three words resonate between us. God knows, over the last little bit, I haven't done a fucking thing to deserve or to earn her trust, but she's giving it to me anyhow. That and all of her love, which I hold more precious than anything. "Sure?" I ask, smiling, but my whole heart's reflected in the look I'm giving her now, and I know she can see it, plain as day, all over my face.

"Sure you won't hurt me, or sure that I trust you?" Lissy's own smile is sweet and understanding. She reaches up, running her fingers through my hair, and then back down again to touch my face. It feels so good to have her like this. "I'm sure of both. I love you, Russ. I love you."

"Liss...baby..." I hold her close; kiss her, feeling emotion overwhelm us. Then I have to grin at the sight of us, almost crying with utter joy. "Think we've had enough tears for awhile," I tell her. "Save them for when the baby arrives."

She's now laughing and crying at the same time. "It's...it's because of the pregnancy...and my elevated hormonal state...What's your excuse, then?"

I sigh and tell her truthfully, "No excuses. Not anymore." 

She doesn't say anything to that, just smiles and holds me close. 

Soon, both of us feel the urge for something more. A hell of a lot more. My hand's still on her belly, over the baby, stroking back and forth lazily, then I help her wriggle out of her knickers so she's naked now. I dip my fingers lower, caress the soft folds between her legs, find her wet and waiting for me. She sucks in a breath and I stop, concerned. "Lissy...I don't want to hurt you."

"No...You won't hurt me...it's just that...I seem to feel everything you do so much more intensely...since the pregnancy." 

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Gently, I resume touching her until she's slowly writhing on the bed. "Yes..." Lowering my head to her breasts, I draw my tongue around her nipple, watch it bead and grow taut, then do the same to the other one. Liss is fairly panting now; she was always incredibly sensitive to my touch, my body, before, but she's even more so now. This will be an interesting few months.

I want to make this so special for her, better than usual, if that's possible. More than a homecoming, it's a welcoming, a renewal of both our relationship and of us as individuals. For me especially. I was frozen so long, unable to allow myself to feel anything but emptiness and numbness, and to feel so much for her right now is almost overwhelming. She reaches and curls her hand around me, sliding her fingers up and down. "I think you missed me," she whispers, eyes sparkling.

"Ya think?" There's so much about Liss that I've missed, but this is the most basic and elemental thing of all. Intimacy, close physical contact, love. Lissy's sweet, easy acceptance of me, her unconditional love for me, the enjoyment she takes with my body and the pleasure she gets sharing hers with me. I'm so hard and full I feel like I'm going to internally combust, either that or embarrass myself by coming in her hand. "It's been so long," she adds softly. "I don't want to wait...don't make it all pretty and dreamy right now...please, sweetheart."

I have to smile. Then, when I'm about to reverse us so she's on top, she sighs. "No...Stay like this..."

"I don't want to smother you, or the baby, Liss." 

She gets that teasing smile with the twinkle in her eye that I find irresistible, even though it's usually a bit at my expense. "Do all the work...I'm too tired."

"Woman, I've been awake for over twenty-four hours straight...I don't want to hear about being tired!" But even as I speak, I'm already bracing myself over her, entering her nice and slow and easy, and I hear her sharply indrawn breath at the feel of it. She's so tight but she feels so good, and once I'm fully within her I have to pause and fight the urge to just start pounding the hell out of her.

"Don't wait!" Her vehemence startles me but after two months of not having each other, I can definitely relate. Softer now, she adds, "I missed you." Then, "I love you."

Y'know, every time either of us tells the other that now, I feel a part of me inside opening up more and more and being free. "I love you," I answer, feeling it in every last part of me. Soon, we're losing ourselves in each other, and it's the best I think it's been in quite awhile. Especially with the knowledge that the baby's there, too, nestled in between us, and it's nothing short of an absolute miracle.

Afterwards, we both simply hold each other, still talking quietly---it feels good, too, to be able to do that, to have that feeling again that I can tell my wife anything and she'll understand---and then, at last, we finally fall asleep, me in Lissy's arms, with my head pillowed on her breasts and my hand over our child.

When I wake, at first I'm certain I only imagined everything from last night; my reuniting with Lissy, the news about the baby, and us making love. But she's still here, in my arms, the baby snug beneath my hand, and it definitely wasn't a dream.

It's full-on daylight, and Liss, as if sensing I'm awake, wakens herself, stretching and yawning sleepily, then she opens her eyes and smiles at me. "Hi."

"G'day, love." When I glance over at the clock, I exclaim in surprise, "It's nearly noon!" Usually, I never sleep this late. Neither does Liss, although she laughs.

"Mmm, yeah...we both were so tired, though." There's a faint noise from downstairs but before I can jerk fully awake, prepared to protect us, she says, "That'd be your Mum and Dad."

"They're here? In our house?" Of course, they have a key, and they're welcome to come and go as they like, but Lissy's familiarity with this startles me again.

"They've come every morning...since you left...Your mother makes breakfast for the three of us, and we just sit and talk for a bit. Though I guess today, she'd be making lunch, wouldn't she?"

"She's gonna be surprised I'm here." 

"Russell," Liss gives me one of her knowing looks, "I doubt anything you'd do would surprise Mum anymore. Besides," she bloody knows me too well, "she's probably seen your things scattered about downstairs and she knows you're here anyhow." She catches my look and laughs again. "I'm right, aren't I???"

"Damn." She's still laughing and I love seeing that on her face, feeling it myself. "I was hoping for a morning tryst, if you get what I mean." 

"I'll make it up to you later." She flings the covers back and is out of bed before I can even sit up. "Race you to the shower...and if you're lucky, we can have a quickie in there before we go join your parents."

How can I refuse an invitation like that one? 

Before going to meet up with Mum and Dad, we talked about it and decided that, despite the fact it's still fairly early in the pregnancy, we would tell them, and also call Lissy's Mum to let her know. After all we've been through, we figure everyone deserves to share in our good news, both about the baby and that we're back together again. Though, for the most part, it's gonna stay secret a bit longer, for us, and just to be safe. Liss seems different this time out, says she feels good and strong, and I have hope that this little one will be all right.

As expected, the new grandparents-to-be are overjoyed. The funniest is later that day, when we break the news to Mark and David. 

Liss and I planned this out; how we were gonna tell them. First off, they're both glad to see us together, Mark even tells Lissy that if I didn't come back to her soon, he was going to beat the shit out of me and I don't doubt he might have done just that. Then she looks at me, and I begin.

"Well, we wanted to tell you both that we've decided your duties are going to be a bit different. And in accordance with that, we figure you both deserve a bit of a raise." They're looking at us with slight confusion because this is seemingly out of the blue. Then I drop the bombshell right on top of the two of them. "We figure, since you'll have an extra person to be looking after, more responsibility, we should be paying you a bit more." To emphasise my point, I pull Lissy back into me, resting both my hands over her, and kiss her for good measure.

David gets it first; it takes Mark a bit longer. There are exclamations, hugs and kisses, handshakes, then Mark says, "That was awful bloody quick, seeing as you just got in last night."

"It happened before we left, you fucking wanker!" But we're all laughing now and excited, Lissy being the centre of attention for both these blokes, who're protective of and adoring of her so much, and I just know that'll extend to this baby, boy or girl.

This child's extremely lucky, to already be loved by so many people, and as I look at the people I care about, surrounding me and my wife with all their love as well, I know I'm incredibly lucky, too.

I'm not going to tell you that from here on out, life for us will be a wondrous, beautiful fantasy, 'cause it's not. It's not like I suddenly got hit on the head with this revelation that if I would come back home, everything would right itself and be fine. It was a long road, a big struggle for me to make it this far. There's a lot yet to work through. The difference is, now, I'm willing to try, to open myself up to Liss, and I'm hoping with that, things will be easier.

We spend a fair lot of time early on doing one of two things: loving each other, and talking. I've missed both. Loving Lissy doesn't mean a hell of a lot if we're not bound together emotionally either; I found that out the hard way, and with us talking about things, expressing our feelings, it only naturally brings about a richer physical closeness, too. Hell, if the day job finally fades out, reckon I'd have a right good start as a counsellor myself; either that or writing those greeting cards I mentioned before.

A really big revelation comes a few days after I come home. The night before, Liss and I had another one of those heartfelts, mostly about our new little one, because something had stuck in my mind from the time I found out about it. I wondered if we had conceived the baby that one time after we argued, when I first told Lissy I was leaving, when we were angry and our mating wasn't anything more than that volatile sort of fucking, if you remember what I mean. I'd have hated that to be the moment when this something wonderful took place. She assured me that it wasn't, that she was sure it was one of the other times, when we were involved body and soul, and if there's anything I've discovered about Lissy, it's that she has this amazing insight into things. She even asked me if it would be so bad, that if out of the ashes of what once was, this child we're expecting came out of it, and I have to admit it wouldn't be. It's a beautiful manifestation of the love I've renewed with her.

I'd forgotten something tucked away at the bottom of one of my bags; I only find it when I finally get around to fully unpacking, and that night when we're about ready for bed is when I choose to give it to her.

I make her sit on the edge of the bed while I kneel on the floor in front of her, and then I present her with a small velvet jeweller's box. "Seems to me we've gone through this part once before," she says with a smile. "And I already said yes."

"Just open it," I coax quietly, and when she does, I see her expression grow soft, blinking back tears, as she touches it almost reverently. 

After I decided to come home to Liss, I was looking for a gift for her that would sort of express how I felt. I've given her many lovely pieces since we met, many expensive ones, but I found this one in a tiny shop out of the way in Austin. Small and delicate and just right for her, it didn't cost a whole lot but I reckon the value isn't in the price tag, it's in the giving. It's a gold pendant in the shape of an open heart, but when you look real close you can see that what at first appears to just be a decorative bit at the top is the form of a mum holding a child. There are little diamonds circling round the heart, which I want to remind her of me, since that's my birthstone. Found that out while I was jewellery shopping, and so the necklace really symbolises the three of us, together. 

Lissy looks at me. She knows I brought it from the States with me, since we've hardly been apart the entire time I've been back. "You couldn't have known," she whispers. A tear slides down her cheek. "It's perfect," she breathes, as I take it from her and clasp it around her neck. "It's so beautiful, Russell."

"I didn't know...It's for the first baby," I tell her, as she touches it with her fingertip. "'Cause, well...I thought about what you said, that I was trying to shut it out of my life, that I was acting like it never was. I don't want that, love. I don't want to forget. I've tried...to let go...to make peace with all of it...and I think I can now." But as I gaze back at her, I can feel me finally really allowing the grief first in, then out, as I never did before. I did by myself in that hotel in Texas, but that was alone and now I feel this overwhelming need to be able to with Lissy.

I move in close to her, wrapping my arms around her middle, still kneeling there before her. At first I just close my eyes as she holds me, then everything I ever held back, everything I ever kept from my wife, everything I couldn't release up to this point comes to the surface.  Soon I'm crying, unashamedly, clinging to Liss. I needed to do this a long, long time ago; we needed this a long time ago. But it's like I said; it's never too late. Not for us. Ever.

Liss strokes my hair, caresses my shoulders, rubs my back in gentle, soothing circles. She presses her cheek to the top of my head and holds me snug and safe. I can hear her whispering like a mantra, "It's okay...it's okay..." repeatedly, until I'm calm again. Then she tilts my face up to hers and gazes into my eyes. "I love you so much," she tells me simply.

She's kissing me, then she's drawing me up onto the bed with her, and as seems to be the natural progression of things, we make love. 

Starting over this time with Lissy's gonna be almost even sweeter than beginning with her the first time. I can feel it. 

Epilogue

I had the dream again. They started up again soon after I got back home. Only this time, they're more complete and I found out my interpretation of it wasn't what it really was at all.

I walk into our bedroom. Lissy's lying there in bed, against the pillows, with our baby nestled in her arms. As I come closer I can see the little one, with dark hair and the same big, impossibly dark eyes its mum has, contentedly suckling at her breast. One of its tiny hands is curled around Lissy's finger, and as it focuses on me, its eyes then close with bliss as it makes hungry sounds. I have to smile at the picture they both make. Liss looks at our child and then at me. She looks so peaceful, so happy.

"Little piglet," she says, affectionately referring to the baby. Then, to me, "Come be with us." She holds out her hand to me and I join them, coming into bed beside them and holding both of them close. Soon, the baby tires and then stops feeding altogether. Lissy, ever the good mummy, lifts it up and pats its back gently until it lets out a squeaky sort of belch and we both chuckle. The child's so small yet that I reckon it can't be more than a few days or so old. Then she cuddles it in her arm again, between us.

"I love you," Lissy tells me. The baby's asleep now, head falling back into the curve of her arm. My wife strokes its downy dark fluff of hair, and then smiles at me. "I love you," she repeats and soon, she's asleep too, both of them curled up in my arms.

"Russell?" Liss' quiet voice in the darkness rouses me from sleep. There's just enough moonlight that I can see her. Her expression is laced with amusement and love. "Sweetheart, you were dreaming again, weren't you?"

Not long after I got back and we started talking, I told Lissy about the nightmares that plagued me in Texas. She told me I probably wouldn't have them anymore, and she was right, but then they got replaced by these other ones that were satisfying, yet still confusing, because...She kisses me. "Did I tell you yet?"

"No!" My frustration makes her giggle. "Every single damn time, I'm about to ask you if we've got a son here, or a daughter, and you go to sleep! Every single time!"

"Well, you're supposed to KNOW, you're the dad." But she settles in against me and draws my hand up over her middle, which is really starting to blossom now. She's about five months along, the baby showing nicely. "We're gonna find out tomorrow anyhow, so don't you worry."

Tomorrow...we'll know. And then the adventure will really begin.