We've only been away from Tyler and Lily for about three days, and already I miss them horribly. I love spending time alone with Russell, of course, especially since it's sort of rare anymore, but I still miss the raucous noise, the tiny sparkling moments, even the assorted mishaps and mayhem. The two of us have phoned them every single night and they're having a marvelous time being thoroughly spoiled by their grandparents.

Today we're at Doctor Connor's office, getting all of the tests and things done that he's scheduled for me, and we're going to have a brief look at the twins via ultrasound. Dr. Connor's promised not to tell us what they are yet and we've vowed to ourselves not to let it slip to the other two children that we've already seen both babies. They're so looking forward to coming next week and finding out all together with us, and we don't want to spoil that for them.

We get the unpleasant parts done first, drawing of blood and such, and then I get settled in, Russell in his customary place right beside me, to take a peek at our kids.

"Feeling all right?" We first met Michael Connor when I was rushed to the hospital having the miscarriage. Ever since then, we've managed to keep in touch with him, have had him look me over throughout my pregnancies with Lily and Tyler, even though I actually gave birth to both of them in Coffs Harbour, with my regular doctor there. He specializes in high-risk pregnancy, and while so far this has gone well by the book, Lily was a bit late, Tyler wanted to come nearly two months early; and with these ones we're not sure exactly what to expect. "I'm glad you've been exercising."

"How'd you...?" Guiltily, Dr. Connor shows us this morning's edition of the newspaper, which has one of those unmistakably blurry paparazzi photos of the two of us out walking in the local park. "Sorry."

"She actually goes out with me most every morning," Russell comments wryly. "They just got lucky, yesterday." Uncanny he should know exactly what day the photo was taken because he loves for both of us to wear the same thing every time we go out, just to confuse people as to what day the photos were taken.

"Well, keep it up," the doctor says. "Not this," meaning the paper, "but the walking and keeping fit." He turns the monitor on, pressing the transducer against my round stomach, and the image jumps onto the screen.

They're snug as two peas in a pod, nestled in me side-by-side. You can see both tiny hearts beating, dark shadowy shapes within them, and we smile as Baby B, the one on the left of my body, looks like he or she is wrapping its arm protectively around Baby A. Baby A's fingers flutter on its one hand and then it rests comfortably against its sibling.

"Can you tell what they are?" Russell asks hopefully, as I give him a chastising look. Actually Dr. Connor could be honed right in on the pertinent parts and I doubt either one of us would comprehend what we were looking at. The doctor laughs. "I have my suspicions, but we'll wait until next week; the tests will tell us for certain," he answers. Both of us still stare, fascinated, at our first glimpse of our newest children. He lets us for awhile, moving the image about so we can see nearly every angle, and we're both filled with more than a bit of disappointment when he finally turns everything off. "Until then, keep up the great work, let's keep them strong and healthy---, " to my husband, "---you keep HER strong and healthy, and we'll do this all over again in one week."

He gives us our first photos of the twins and although they're about as blurry as those bloody newspaper images of us, they're so precious and important. On the drive home, I hold onto them, not wanting to even put them away in my bag, and as soon as we get home, we put them up next to the other photos in our living room.

Soon, too, we're discussing beginning work on the babies' room. 

After we had that...ahem, discussion, about going back to the farm for as long as possible, I had one other condition for him. "While we're there, we're going to get the room done for the twins, because as soon as I give birth to them and we're safe to travel, I want to bring them back home to the farm, where it's quiet and safe and we can just BE. And," I add, completely serious, "before we leave here, I want to at least get a good way into this nursery, too. Otherwise, I can about guarantee you won't be having me able to help you when we get back and settle in waiting for them to arrive."

"Aren't they each having their own room?" Russell's pretty amiable, I think because in part I DID agree to have the children here in Sydney; and also, from the other two pregnancies, he's quite used to my mood swings.

"Until they both get bigger, and we get them sleeping through the night, honey, I want to keep them together. It'll be more comforting for them at first, and then we can hopefully get them on some sort of schedule with one another. If not, we're going to have to learn to sleep in shifts." I haven't yet confessed this to my husband, but I'm completely frightened about having two babies coming. There'll be twice the love and joy, but definitely twice the work, and while I know he'll help and we'll have his parents close by, despite my teasing him over his concern about raising four children, I know exactly what he's feeling, 'cause I feel it, too.

We went online and chose an entire nursery; already purchased it and had it all shipped back to the farm. We also chose a totally different one for the room here, and I guess we'll worry about their room in the States the next time we're due to visit. For the first little while, we only ordered one crib the twins can share, then when one moves out, we can get them their own. Unfortunately, after Lily and Tyler, we donated most of their baby things to friends who were expecting, as we never really thought there'd be a need to keep it around. One thing we DID keep, and I'm grateful for, is the bassinet that both of them used when first born, when we had them in our room with us. It's stored safely away, just waiting to be passed from our first two children to our last two. I can hardly wait for the first time I lay both of them down in it.

And while Lil's and Tyler's rooms are absolutely fine and functional, while playing on the Web Daddy wanted to get them new furniture and décor to surprise them when they arrive, so we ordered that, too, and got it all set up.

It fits both of their personalities, Lily so proper and feminine, totally Daddy's little princess; and Tyler's more rough-and-tumble persona. Between working on children's' rooms, spending as much quality time with each other as possible, and such, we're busy, but in a good way.

The day comes when the kids are arriving with their grandparents, and we're both there to meet them as soon as they get in. Both children let out a cry of joy and literally come flying, first hugging and kissing me and then their dad. Russell picks Tyler up, tossing him in the air, and Lily begs excitedly, "Me too, Daddy!" So he does the same with her, pretending he's going to drop her when he catches her, and she shrieks with delight. Tyler wants another turn, trying to climb him like he's a tree. "You're gonna hurt Dad, he's old, you know," I tell him, smiling innocently at my husband.

"Dad's not old!" Russ tosses him again and then sets him on his shoulders. "That's right mate." Then, "Miss us?"

"Yeah!" Lily's now clinging to me, snuggling happily into my side. Forgetting all tact, she says, "You've gotten BIG, Mama." 

"Mama's not fat!" This from Tyler, everyone's champion; I reach over and kiss him, his fists digging into his daddy's hair. "That, unfortunately, isn't true, buddy."

"All sorts of stuff came for the babies' room, but Nana said we weren't to touch it," Lil goes on. "Is it true we're going back after we find out what they are?"

"For awhile." I feel such a sense of peace, having them here, and Russell's parents, who both hug and greet us warmly. 

Loudly, Tyler announces, "I went poop in the big boy potty."

Russ and I exchange a glance and a grin. "Good onya, mate," I tell him. 

"'Cause I not a baby no more!" he goes on, triumphantly. 

After the calm and serenity of the last couple of weeks, it's like being hit with a tidal wave of youthful exuberance. But I've missed it and I wouldn't want it any other way.

The children love the new furniture and decorations in their bedrooms; you'd have thought we'd crowned Lily Princess of the Realm; and Tyler, being Tyler, promptly rolls around on his faux bearskin rug in his new rustic room. Russ' mum and dad settle in easily here, too, as if they've always been here right alongside us. They all heartily approve of the new nursery; we've got most of it finished except for supplies, and, of course, its miniature occupants.

The next day all of us go to one of the biggest baby shops in Sydney; my favorite thing is watching everyone run through the store with glee. Russell's practically the worst one of all. He's a total hands-on dad, involved in all aspects from conception to beyond; I think it's the meticulously dedicated part of him honed by his acting and perfected by taking care of us. I finally pretty much end up tucked in a rather comfy recliner in one corner of the store while he, Mum, Dad, Lil and Tyler all come up bearing various items, toys, clothes, etc. for my approval. The ones we're definitely bringing home with us end up in a growing pile at my feet while the rest gets an appropriate positive response and then I gently admonish whomever to take it back where they found it. Car seats and high chairs have to come in twos; we found a double stroller or pram or whatever it's called here for both babies. It comes tested by our current children, both of whom climb into it and get experimentally pushed around the entire store by Daddy. We don't get very many clothes yet, because we don't know what we're having; I imagine once we know for sure, this entire family will come back here and immediately go into hyper overdrive. But it's fun and I enjoy being surrounded by so much caring and love.

The big day finally arrives when we are to find out the sexes of the twins. We all crowd into Dr. Connor's examination room; Russell and I warned him the grandparents and the siblings were coming but he's still a bit taken aback when he walks in. He greets everyone as he gets things set up; we're having another of those marvelous high-definition ultrasounds, where the picture is full of detail and the babies are totally three dimensional in appearance. We first had one with Tyler and we're eager to get a close up view of these two, also.

"The tests all look great," the doctor immediately reassures. "Everything's right on track; so far, it's all fine." He turns everything on and even Tyler falls silent as we're able to clearly see both kids on the monitor. Both of them are on their sides, facing one another; we count five perfectly formed fingers on the hand of Baby A as it passes in front of its face and then on Baby B's as it too moves as if in response.

"Wow..." Tyler looks like we did when we took him to the living aquarium where sharks swam over his head as we went through a tunnel beneath the tank; awestruck.

"Got your mouth, honey," I murmur to Russell, noting the beautifully shaped lips on Baby B. 

"What are they?" Uncharacteristically impatient, Lily's question makes all of us laugh. Her grandpa, who's holding her on his knee, ruffles her hair and gives her a hug.

"Well...are you sure you want me to tell you?" Dr. Connor teases.

"YES!!" Both children, forgetting momentarily where they are, shout; the other two inside of me actually sort of jump on the monitor at the unexpected sound. Get used to it, I warn both of them silently, giving them a gentle pat.

"This one...the one we call Baby A...on this side of your Mummy..." he shows them, on the right hand side of my body and their left, when they face me, "...this one is..." (Big dramatic pause,) "...a little boy." I feel my heart warm, Russell looks pleased, and Tyler lets out an excited "Yay!" Lil, I notice, has a brief fleeting moment of disappointment but then she smiles.

"And the other one...Baby B..." showing them the other side of me, "...well, I have to say, I think this worked out just perfectly for your Mum and Dad. Because this one is a girl." Tyler claps his hands; Russell leans over and kisses me, squeezing my hand within his, and Lil pumps her fist in the air. "Yessss!"

One of each. Two of each, actually. I don't think we could have planned it better if we'd tried, honestly. 

Later on, when we're all back home together, and Nana and Papa have already retired for the night, the four of us...six, I keep reminding myself, thinking of the twins in utero... gather on our big bed in our room. Once the babies actually get here, I think, we're either going to have to start a new family tradition or else get a massively larger bed to accommodate all of us.

Ever since finding out the sexes of the twins, Tyler and Lily have been on Cloud 9. Tyler, because he's got another backup bloke, and Lil because she's getting her hoped-for, long-awaited baby sister. Neither Russell nor I want to point out that this will mean sharing all of her girly stuff; she'll find that out soon enough.

And Russell...well, you've never seen a prouder papa. First, with that genuine pride at being a dad; but ever since we found out two were on the way; he's been bursting with a bit of machismo over his masculine prowess...never mind that it took two of us to conceive. But it's sweetly adorable and I love him for it. In quieter moments, he's still a little concerned; we've began speaking to people about helping with the children and it's harder than it looks. We want someone who's absolutely trustworthy, someone that the two of us will get along fine with, and most importantly, someone that the kids will love and trust, because this person will primarily be helping me when Russell can't be with me. But, he's confident we'll find the right person before I give birth; and I can only hope he's right. After all, he hit a home run with our current people, especially David, who's looking forward to two more adopted grandchildren.

"So, any ideas as to what to call these two?" he asks. I can tell that Lily, especially, has been thinking about this all day long. 

"Hermione," Lily says promptly. According to Jocelyn, she's been entirely enraptured by the Harry Potter movies; so I should have seen this one coming. "And Harry," she adds, proudly.

"Well...those are lovely names, muffin...and we'll certainly take them into some serious consideration..." exchanging a glance with Russell, who quickly covers up his dismay as she looks to him for approval, "...but I'm not sure either of them would sound just right with Crowe for a last name."

She only looks mildly disappointed, once again lost in thought. 

"Spongebob Squarepants!" Tyler says, and then laughs. This makes all of us smile. I have always loved my son's laugh...from the time he was small, he's had this sort of one that makes people stop, look, and smile. It wells right up from his little round tummy, and just bubbles over with joy...Lil's got a sweet giggle that also turns heads, but for pure unadulterated happiness, there's nothing like Tyler's terrific belly laugh.

"We are NOT," Russell tells him, reaching to tickle him, "going to name your baby brother Spongebob Squarepants." Although, with my husband's deep tone and incredibly sexy accent (you'd think living here all this time would make it passé, but it's not, especially from Russ), he manages to make this sound halfway appealing.

Now both children are on a roll, coming up with increasingly silly names and laughing harder and harder, much to our amusement.

"Strawberry Shortcake!"

"Elmo!"

"Cookie Monster!" 

"Both of you," I tell them, ruffling their hair, "are Cookie Monsters." 

"Let's get serious," Daddy tells them, although I can see him trying valiantly to suppress the twitching of his mouth. "The babies can hear you, you know."

They stop at this. "I sorry. I not call you Spongebob," Tyler says, to the wrong side of my stomach.

"He's over there." The three of us point to the opposite side. Tyler, who's sitting on my left, leans across me and I let out an oof! , caught off guard by his sturdy little body against me. "Sorry," he tells his baby brother again. Russell gently lifts him off of me with a quiet, admonishing, "Mind your Mum, now." "Sorry, Mama," he tells me, too.

Lily is literally wiping laughing tears out of her big, dark brown eyes. "Well, how did you pick our names, Mummy?" she asks. 

I smile, remembering. "We had NO idea what we were going to call you," I tell her. "Before you were born, we always just called you Angel...because we had nothing else to call you."

"Then," Russell adds, "when we saw you, we went to the list of all the pretty names we had made...and we both liked yours the best. And that's why you're Lily."

"Liliana Jade Crowe," she corrects, properly. We both grin. "Yep, that's right," Daddy tells her. "Then, Mum just liked the name Tyler...and his middle name comes from your grandpapa."

"We could name my sister after Nana. Or Grandma," Lil suggests. 

"We could," I say. "But I think Daddy and I were going more with just names we like, rather than naming either of the babies after someone, this time. Because if we leave someone out, they might feel bad."

"That's true." Lily, ever the empathetic child, nods in agreement.

"We've got awhile yet, so why don't all of us think real hard," Russell tells them, scooping Tyler up off the bed and making him go off in gales of laughter again, "and let's get you two off to bed."

"Maybe names will come to us in dreams!" Lil suggests. 

"Maybe." She springs off of our bed and then tries to help me; with my growing belly it's getting more and more difficult to just scoot off with the rest of them.

After we get them put to sleep, we come back in our room and just lie there, content to merely be still and together, reflecting about the babies once more.

Baby B, our daughter, stirs sleepily within me; Baby A responds with his own wiggling about. Russell's hand, on the mound of my belly, rubs over them soothingly and eventually they settle down.

"We could go the typical fucking stupid celebrity route," he teases, sleepily. "Name them Pomegranate and Persimmon or something equally as asinine." I laugh and jab him in the side. "We're not naming these children anything completely ridiculous, I don't care WHAT the trend is in Hollywood," I warn. "Nice, normal, utterly reasonable names will do, thank you very much. These kids are going to have to live with whatever we give them for the rest of their lives."

"Well, some of those other people should have thought of that," is his response. I have to say I must agree. We had so many beautiful names chosen before Lil; but that just seemed to fit when we saw her for the very first time; and Tyler came quickly and without fuss. We just came up with it one night and that was that. On one hand, I kind of want to see what they look like first; on the other, having something to call our children while waiting for them to be born makes things feel more personal and loving for all of us.

The two of us begin suggesting names offhand; pretty soon I'm about to get a notebook, but Russ stops me. "Not that this isn't important, Liss, but I'd rather it come from the heart and not some scientific method." Reaching over, he grabs one of the new ultrasound photos off the nightstand; we brought one up here to have with us. We both gaze at the two little faces, so clear in this second scan that it's amazing.

"The kids are going to be upset if we choose without them," I remind him. 

"We are not naming them Spongebob Squarepants," he reminds me back. 

After going over some of our personal favorites and names of people we know, gazing at the photo all the while, we finally come up with Jaden Michael for our son and Emily Grace for our daughter. No particular reason; just that they're nice, normal, reasonable names and we like them.

The next morning, we tell Lily, Tyler, Jocelyn and Alex what we've chosen. Nana and Papa like them; as do the two other kids. "They're cute," is Lil's consensus.

"Hi, Jay-jay," Tyler tells the proper side of my stomach, then to the other, "Hi, Memmy." I guess the fact he's already nicknamed his siblings means he approves. So Jaden and Emily they are.

Pretty soon, we're heading back to the safe haven of the farm, since I don't want to miss an available minute there. Dr. Connor has given me the okay, as long as we arrive back in Sydney by the start of my seventh month. There's a very real, more than likely possibility that the twins are going to arrive early and we don't want to take any chances.

But so far, I feel remarkably well, although I'm getting bigger by the second, it seems. I'm just now coming up on the six month mark and I LOOK as though I'm definitely in the seventh, if not farther. Russell still says that he finds me incredibly sexy (I wonder what he's looking at, to be honest with you, although I'm moved and flattered) and believe it or not our sex life is still rather healthy, although we've had to utilize positions worthy of the Kama Sutra at times. We've gotten very creative, I have to say. When Jaden and Emily are both moving about inside of me, it feels, as he so poetically puts it, like 'two cats fighting inside of a bag'. Thank you, darling.

We decide to make the most of the time we have remaining until they get here, both as a couple and with Lily and Tyler. So when we get home, we announce that for a couple of weeks, we're going to take turns with each child spending quality time alone, alternating between them every other day, for a couple of hours at least.

"You can decide what special thing you want to do with us," I explain to both children, who look intrigued and excited. "And, within reason, we'll do it."

"That means," Russell adds, "that you have to be perfectly reasonable, as Mummy says. Like, you're not gonna be able to go out on the horses with her, but you can with me. And say, Mum's the perfect person to bake cookies with..."

"But not you, Daddy, 'cause you not know how." This from Tyler. Lil and I both can't help but snicker; though Russ has to agree. "Yeah, so that's a Mum sort of thing to do, right?"

We begin this grand scheme by Tyler being with me and Lily with her Daddy. Lil does, in fact, promptly choose spending time with him and the horses, which ever since she was a baby is one of the special things she does with him. Tyler chooses to read. So at first, I read to him, then he wants to read to me, and I just sit there holding him listening to him go on and on. He's proud of his budding vocabulary, and pretty soon he's gone beyond the books and is just talking. And talking...and talking...while I politely listen, and try to translate some of his toddler speech into recognizable language. But he's funnily endearing and I love this time with him, and we spend the entire afternoon this way until he talks himself to sleep in my arms.

The next day, Lil chooses to color and draw with me, while Tyler opts for playing with his cars with Daddy, and so forth. The next day, I bake cookies with Tyler; then even more cookies the following day with Lily. Russell gets roped into playing Barbies and finger painting, much to my extreme amusement. But the kids are content; us even more so, and it allows us precious times with each other before the twins come. They're going to bring a wonderful craziness to the mix, and we're of course all going to love them so much, but the four of us realize that things the way we're used to will change.

Then, Daddy has to do things around the farm, because we'll be in Sydney for awhile, and while we have capable people to oversee things in his absence, he definitely loves to be out there himself, working and getting his hands dirty, as he says. A couple of times, on Tyler's designated day, he wanted to go help his dad but not a lot got accomplished work-wise as Russell said he spent most of the time trying to keep him from getting trampled, muddy, drowned or otherwise injured. I appreciate his keeping our son alive to make his next birthday but understood completely, so after a bit of Mummy and Me and Daddy and Me days, we've all thoughtfully allowed Daddy time with the cows, which is what Lily calls his farm work.

I'm now six and a half months along, and we're winding down our time here, since in not quite two weeks we're to head back to Sydney. Lil and Tyler love it there; both of us, Russell especially, try to make it fun and enticing, but we know there are restrictions due to the more public nature of our life there. Both children I think sense this; Lily more so than her brother. She's asked about it once in awhile and we've done the best we can to explain things to her. She, like us, has gotten quite adept at ignoring it for the most part, but the last time we were there we were chagrined when a photo of Tyler sticking his tongue out at a photographer made the front page of the Sydney Morning Herald. At least, I was. I think Russell was secretly proud of him.

Since Christmas is coming soon, the grandparents are going to come too, and possibly stay until the twins are born. We've got plenty of room, so my family is planning to come and stay, also. We're still looking for a helper but we'll have plenty until well after the babies are born. Russell doesn't even have a project lined up, so there's no immediate rush to hire someone just yet anyhow.

Today is like any other day. Russell said he was going out to check part of the fence and would be back in time for lunch. Lil and Tyler are both playing together in their playroom. I'm folding laundry on our bed in our room when suddenly a cramp hits me in the side and I have to pause.

As Emmy and Jaden get bigger, I've been having false contractions here and there, but I had them with the other two, and I know what they feel like. This was different. I wait till it passes, in about a minute, then slowly begin with the laundry again. I take Lily's and put hers away; then am taking Tyler's into his room when the twinge comes again. Glancing at his clock, it's been about fifteen minutes since the first one.

My heart begins to pound; I remember what happened with Tyler during my pregnancy with him, and I worry that it's happening all over again with these two. But I go back into our room and sit there, quietly, until another one comes, this time about twelve or thirteen minutes after the last. They're not painful, but they're strong enough that I've noticed them, and they're at regular intervals.

I look out the window and of course can't see Russell; there's Damon, one of the regular workers, out by one of the barns but he's too far away to hear if I yell out the window. Thinking quickly, I pick up the phone and call over to the other house; after rapidly explaining to Alex what's going on he assures me they'll be right over and then I make a decision. I hate to do this to Lily, but she's young and quick and I absolutely trust her.

I waddle into the playroom and both children look up. "Hi, Mummy," Lil says. Then, noticing my hands over my tummy, she springs to her feet, Tyler right beside her. "What's wrong?"

"Lily...I need you to do something very important for me." I'm trying courageously to keep my voice level and calm; try to smile at both of them. "I need you to run downstairs, as quick as you can. Damon is out by the barn...I can see him from the window...and you need to tell him to go fetch Daddy, now. Tell him that I'm not sure what's happening, but I need to talk to Daddy."

"Are...are the babies gonna be okay?" She looks terrified, but I place both hands on her small shoulders and look deep into her eyes. 

"I...I think so...but I need Daddy here, as fast as he can. Go tell Damon, and then come back here right away, okay? I've called Papa and both he and Nana are on their way." She nods, and then goes dashing for the stairs, a grimly determined look on her little, sweet face. Max, our dog, goes charging right behind her, always the guardian.

"I go, too," Tyler says, trying to follow, but I shake my head and take his hand. "No, I want you to take care of me, until Dad gets back. So come with me, and I'm going to lie down and wait for him, and Lil, and Papa and Nana." Whoever gets here first, I think. I let him lead me into our room and he pats the edge of the bed. "Lie down, Mama."

"Thank you, peanut." I do, slightly on my side, as I remember doing with him, and pray that Russell will hurry. 

Tyler just sits on the floor watching me; he's taking his responsibility very seriously, and I would laugh but it IS serious. Then Alex and Jocelyn are in the doorway, wanting to know what's going on; very calmly and quietly, for Tyler's still listening and I need to stay mellow for him, I tell them; tell them that Lily's gone to spread word for her dad and that I don't know what else to do. The entire time, the contractions...for that's what I'm certain they are now...have been coming about ten to fifteen minutes apart, still not enough to actually cause pain but enough to alarm me greatly.

Lily comes running in. "He rode to find Daddy," she says. I can still see the fear and worry in her eyes but also this stoicism that catches me off guard; this fierce strength I didn't know my little girl had. She starts to clamber up on the bed but Russell's dad reaches for her. "Why don't we go play, and let your mother rest?"

"I'm not leaving my Mama." She pulls away from him---a definite first---and climbs up there beside me, taking my hand in hers. Like a grownup, she strokes my hair with her other and looks at me. "It's okay, Mummy. Daddy's coming."

"Good girl." I smile at her; then at Tyler; he's trying to climb onto the bed too, and Nana has no choice but to lift him up alongside us. "You're both so good...and so helpful. I love both of you."

"I love you too, Mama." A tear escapes and trickles down Lil's cheek; she sniffles and tries to look brave again. Tyler leans against her, his head on her shoulder, and they both look at me; as I try so hard not to cry myself.

There's a horrendous clatter downstairs and I feel relief. We all turn to the door in time to see Russell barrel through it, a wild look in his eyes. "Daddy!" Both kids scramble down and go running to him, it's a measure of his love for them and his caring that he immediately gets down on their level to speak to them first before rushing to my bedside. "It's gonna be all right," he tells them, trying, like I did, to smile and not doing a very good job of it. "Go with your grandparents and let me take care of Mum, okay?" For him, they nod and go, but not before he kisses each of them. I hear him tell Lil, "You did good, baby," and she manages a tiny smile at this before leaving with her Nana.

"Did you wash your hands?" I attempt to joke, when he comes to me. He did; his hands are still slightly damp and cold. 

"Did you call the doctor?" he counters. When he sees the look in my eyes, he shakes his head. "Should have fucking done that before you called Mum and Dad, Lissy."

"Don't yell at me!" Trying to calm myself down, I explain, "I didn't know whether to call Dr. Connor in Sydney or Dr. Morgan in Coffs." 

"I'm calling Dr. Connor first." I hear him tersely snap, "I need Michael Connor, quick, tell him it's an emergency. Concerning Lissy...Lisa Crowe." There's a moment's pause. "Is it stopping?" he asks hopefully.

"Not really...but it's not getting worse, either." 

One of those supremely unreadable looks passes through his eyes, although I easily see the extreme worry and fear there, as well. Then Dr. Connor comes on and he's speaking quickly.

"Just got here...she says they're what? Ten? Fifteen? Minutes apart..." he gazes at me. "Around that. No...No...Wait, I'm going to put this on speakerphone and we'll all talk." He punches a button and then sets the receiver down.

"Any bleeding?" This from the doctor; I answer "No," and see the brief flash of relief on Russell's face. I know he's reliving nightmares of what happened with Tyler, and, further back, the miscarriage, and I wish I could make that all go away, for him.

"But they're pretty regular."

"They're staying about the same, but they won't go away." 

There's a pause, then Dr. Connor says, "We need this to stop, obviously. And there are two choices. One, we get you immediately to the hospital in Coffs, and have them try to stop this...if by chance they can't and you have to deliver the twins, they're going to be extremely premature. And then, we're going to have to risk getting them here to Sydney for longer term care. It's still going to take a bit to get you there, but it'd be quicker. Or...I can send out an air ambulance to come and get you, and bring you directly here. We run the risk of something happening in transit but once you're here we'd be better equipped to handle things should we have to have these babies now. That's going to take longer, but it can be done."

"We can land a copter here," Russell's already weighing this in his mind as he watches me with a bleak expression. 

"You wouldn't be able to go with her," Dr. Connor tells him. "We'd only be able to transport her with our medical team...you'd have to find another way here as quickly as you could. That's one of the drawbacks, unfortunately."

"I could get a plane arranged." He looks at me. "I'd only be a couple of hours behind you, at the most, love. I'd get there as fast as I could." 

"I know," I whisper. He's leaving the ultimate decision up to me, but looking at each other, I think we've made our minds up. 

"Send the copter," I say softly. Dr. Connor must not have heard me for there's just polite silence; Russell has to speak for both of us now as I've closed my eyes and am clinging to his hand, hard.

"Do it," he says. 

The air ambulance is going to get here as quickly as possible; but since we live so far from Sydney, it's still going to take a bit of time. I will Jaden and Emily to stay put; tell them silently how very much we all love them but how we're not quite ready to meet them just yet. I've been told to stay lying in bed for as long as possible; then Russell can carry me downstairs and we're then to wait until the medics come directly to our door to wheel me to the waiting helicopter. I'm petrified with fear and more than anything, I want Russ to be able to come with me, but tell myself to be strong for everyone and hopefully, everything will be fine.

He goes to speak to the kids; I don't envy him that difficult task, to tell them that I'm to leave without any of them and that we're not sure yet what will happen. I try not to think of the fact that by the next time I see them, in Sydney, it might be too late, or that I might not see them again at all. Dear God. Ever since we named the new babies, both Lil and Tyler are quite attached to them and I worry what will happen if we lose one or both of the twins, or were anything to happen to me. Russell, I know, would handle things, but I also think of him, the devastation that followed the loss of our very first child, and my heart aches for him. I know, too, he wants so much to be able to go with me and it's going to nearly kill him until he reaches Sydney behind me and arrives at my bedside.

More than anything, my heart goes out to little Lily; she's had to endure so much in her nearly five years of life. The whole preterm labor scare with Tyler; she was so tiny, but I know she still has memories of that, then my whole bout with depression, worrying about that returning with these two, and now this. She did exactly as I had asked and was so very strong for me, but yet again I worry that I've scarred her for life. Russell always tells me that I need to get over my guilt about heaping things onto her, but she's sensitive and sweet and no small little girl needs to take on responsibilities like these. I didn't know what else to do though, and I'm immensely proud of what she did for me.

The door opens and it's Russell. "How are you feeling?" he asks softly. 

"About the same." The contractions are still regularly coming, but not any stronger or closer together and I take this as a tiny positive sign. 

He nods. "We're gonna get them to stop, it'll be okay," he says. 

"How are the kids?"

"Fucking terrified, like I am...but they're hanging in there." 

"How's Lil?"

Now he smiles. "Absolutely strong...like her Mum."

"You're not just saying that...I..."

He sits beside me and wraps his hand around mine, his other hand rubbing circles around my belly. "Calm down, guys," he tells the twins. "No, I'm not," he tells me. "I can tell she wants to cry...and maybe she will, in a bit...but right now, she's being brave and strong, and trying to keep things together for Tyler." Scrubbing his hand across his face, he adds, "Damon said she didn't even cry when she came and got him. Told him straight out to come find me, that you were in trouble, and that she needed to get right back to you. Said she was the most courageous little kid he'd ever seen."

"She IS the most courageous little kid," I say. 

"Yeah, she is," he agrees. 

It seems like forever that we're like that, until the phone rings. Russell picks it up on the first ring, listens, and then hangs up. "Tom says the copter's coming in now," he says. "I'll get you downstairs and then they should be here."

"I want to say goodbye to the kids," I tell him. And I'd rather do it here than while they're trying to load me; I don't want that to be the last scary image the kids have of me leaving them.

He leaves and promptly comes back with his parents, Lily and Tyler. I hug both Alex and Jocelyn first; they promise to get on a plane with the kids as soon as they can. Almost as soon as I take off, Russell's headed to board a plane himself; the rest of them will hopefully arrive later tonight.

Both children come to the bedside. I can faintly hear the sound of the helicopter coming in. "It'll be all right," I tell them. "I'll see both of you tonight. We're going to make sure the babies are okay; I'll be waiting so anxiously for you two to get there."

Tyler nods, openly crying; Russ lifts him onto the bed to hug and kiss me and he clings. "Don't go, Mama!" he begs, breaking my heart.

"I have to, sweetie. But I'll...I'll tell you all about riding on the helicopter when you get in, okay?" His grandma lifts him down and he grabs hold of her, sniffling, his thumb popping into his mouth, something he hasn't done in ages.

Lil gives me a great hug and a huge kiss. "Take care, Mummy," she whispers. 

This time it's me clinging to her. "I will," I promise. "I'm so proud of you, muffin. I love you." Then she's grabbing onto her grandpa's leg, as Russell lifts me in his arms and carries me down the stairs. Almost as we reach the bottom, the medics are there, literally at the door with a stretcher.

He sets me on it and then leans over to kiss me, not letting go of my hand, walking beside me as they wheel it to the waiting chopper. I look back at the house to see the kids watching from the window, hands and faces pressed to the glass. I can't be sure, but I think Lily's finally crying now.

Before they load me in, Russ leans over me and kisses me again. "I love you," he tells me. "I love you. I'll be there as soon as I can." 

"I know. I love you too." Then I'm up and inside, the doors are shutting and we're lifting off with a great loud noise. If I shift to one side and look over the shoulder of one of the medics as he starts to take my blood pressure, I can just make out the rapidly dwindling form of my husband, still standing there. I watch until then I see him take off running, keeping his promise to me to come as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, I can't keep my promise to Tyler to tell him about riding on the helicopter, because that part is all a blur. They get me hooked up to IVs and oxygen, and by the time we land in Sydney after what seems like an eternity, the contractions are coming less frequently, about twenty to twenty five minutes apart and don't feel as strong. I'm rushed into Emergency and even that's a haze but I do remember seeing Dr. Connor's face, reassuring me that it looks good that my labor will be able to stop.

They take me to a private room and I'm so exhausted both physically and emotionally that I fall asleep. When I wake, Russell's there; he immediately draws me close and holds me, careful of the IVs and such.

"You flew like the wind," I croak. He gets me some water and waits until I take a grateful swallow, then kisses me. "I told you I'd be here."

"Lucky you didn't kill yourself or anyone trying to get here." He gives a wry grin and shakes his head. "No, they actually had a police escort when I landed. I called Dr. Connor in transit and he told me he'd have them waiting, and he did," I make a mental note to lavishly thank the good doctor the next time I see him. "He also told me that he thinks the babies will be all right."

"That's what he said," I run my hand over them and reassuringly feel Emmy bump against my fingers, then a second or two later, Jaden, as if to let me know they're still there. "But now I'll be on bed rest."

"Well, we can deal with that," he says. 

"Yes, we can." 

"Mum and Dad will be here in a couple of hours, with the kids," he adds. "They're all coming straight here from the airport."

"Did you tell them?"

"Yeah, I called to let them know. The kids are happier knowing, but they miss you and want to see you for themselves."

"I want them here, too." Only then will I truly feel at peace, having them here with us. Then I add, "You're going to say, 'I told you so'." I remember our argument about staying here and my adamant insistence we go back to the farm. It almost cost us, and I feel badly that I pushed so much.

"No, I'm not." He just looks at me with that intense, gorgeous gaze, his eyes looking almost blue-gray in the light. 

"You could." 

"I could but I won't. I wouldn't have traded any of that time...well, except for today...for anything." He lifts a hand and brushes my hair back, fingers lingering, tenderly tracing the outline of my mouth. "What I will say is...I love you."

I smile, then he does; his fingertip slowly following the curve of my lips. "That'll work," I tell him, and then I lean forward to kiss him, holding on to him. I never, ever want to let him go.

Later on, we're pleasantly interrupted by the arrival of the rest of the family. Tyler, the earlier trauma easily forgotten, comes dashing in as is his nature, cheery and chubby and adorable. "Look, Mama!" He holds up a miniature version of the air ambulance. "The doctor gived it to me." While I don't really want to remember riding in that sucker, I'm glad to see him and feel joy at his simple delight with his new toy. "That's awesome, buddy. I missed you so much!"

Russell lifts him up only after he promises to be (relatively) still. He lays his head against my stomach. "I mist-ted you too, Mama, lots and lots." Lifting his head, he looks at the mound of my belly. "The babies are still there!"

"Yes, the babies are most definitely still there." I smile at Lily, who's standing somewhat shyly by the bedside. "And there's my special girl." 

"Hop down now, mate, you can snuggle with Mum later." Russell pops him down and then lifts her up. She carefully cuddles into my side and lets out a huge, contented sigh. "Everything's okay, then."

"We're fine, sweetheart." I hug her to me and she puts her hand on the twins. "I'm so sorry I scared you earlier, Lil. I didn't mean to." 

"I know. It's okay, Mama." 

I kiss the top of her head. "I was so impressed with how very brave you were. You did just as I told you to, and you didn't ask why...you were so good, and you probably saved our lives. Thank you for that, sweetie."

"I did??" She looks so proud and pleased at this. Russ, too, hugs and kisses her. "You were a definite lifesaver, Princess...I don't know what we'd have done without you."

"I was scared," she confesses. Her dad smiles. "It's okay to be scared. So was I." 

"You were?" Lil absolutely idolizes her Daddy. But the thing is with Russell, and he's that way with me, as well---he's not afraid to show his vulnerable and only human side. He's not capable of doing and being everything but you know what, I know that the kids and I only love him more for it. I also love how he builds up the confidence in our children. "I don't know if I could have done what you did, love. We're both proud of you."

She's so happy at that. We exchange another smile over the top of her head. Tyler, who is, as usual, only marginally listening, pipes up, "I wanna rescue Mama, too! Vroom!" He makes a sweeping gesture with his toy helicopter.

"I hope," I say, "never to need rescuing ever, ever again. But if I do...I'll certainly call on you, peanut." 

We laugh and for the first time in hours I feel the tension completely ebb away. 

The entire family stays with me for the rest of the afternoon, until it's time for supper; then Russell insists his parents go back to our apartment and relax and take the children with them. Understandably, he wants to stay for awhile longer, which they're more than okay with.

The two kids finally ended up beside me in my hospital bed; ever mindful of the tubes and monitors and the big mound of the twins within my belly. Tyler's fast asleep, tucked into my side, his head resting against my breast like he did as a baby, still clutching his toy helicopter in one fist. Lily's on the other side, cuddled up next to me, one small hand still protectively resting on the babies, which makes me smile even as I remember her extreme bravery today.

"Time to go, love." Russell reaches for Tyler, who, even mostly still sleeping, holds fast to me and murmurs, "I not leave Mama." Lil, in turn, grabs hold of me on the other side and looks beseechingly at her dad. "No, please, Daddy..."

"She'll be fine, angel; you'll come see her first thing in the morning, and then hopefully she can come home with us." Gently extricating our exhausted son so he won't pull loose my IV, he holds him up against his shoulder, rubbing his back, and Tyler peeps his eye open. "'Night, Mommy."

"Bye, son." I blow him a kiss as Jocelyn takes him; in a moment, he's stone cold out again. I stroke Lily's hair. "Be good; go with Nana and Papa, and Daddy's right. You'll come back in the morning, and then Jaden, Emily, and I will all hopefully get to come home, too." I think after all the trauma of earlier she's very reluctant to even let me out of her sight. She gives me a hug and a kiss. "I love you, Mummy."

"I'll be dreaming of you, muffin." This is our standard parting when I tuck her in at night. She smiles. "I will, first." 

"Meet you there," I respond, and I see her visibly relax at our family ritual uninterrupted. She lets Russ lift her off the bed, too, and then she puts her hand in her grandpa's.

"I'll be there shortly, won't be too long," Russell tells his father, and he responds with, "Stay with her as long as you can." After more hugs and kisses, they're gone and it's just me and my husband, once more.

He sighs and then smiles at me. "What a hell of a day." 

That's the understatement of a lifetime. Coming back to sit beside me, I reach up and tousle his hair; tug him down to me for a nice, lingering kiss, and then he slides down to rest his head against my belly. He closes his eyes for a moment and I think how perfect this singular moment is, between us. Then he opens them and I'm struck by the depth of emotion within them.

"We're going to be all right," I tell him. 

"I never want to go through that again, Lissy," he warns. 

"Well, I think this is it for us, so you don't have to worry about that," I joke. 

"Not just the babies. You. Especially you." I know what he means. It's funny, the entire time all of this was happening, all that went through my mind was thoughts and worries about everyone else. I worried about the children, Tyler and Lil emotionally and the twins' physical well-being. I worried so much about Russell, what he was feeling and going through and that I felt badly he had to endure anything even remotely resembling this again. I don't think other than a fleeting moment or two did I ever once consider what danger I was in. Now it all hits me and I begin to shake, tears coming to my eyes.

Russell looks alarmed. "Liss..."

I shake my head. "I'm fine. I think it's all just now catching up to me." 

It's as if he can read my mind. "You weren't once thinking about you, were you?"

"No." 

"Well, you need to worry about yourself more, sweetheart."

"I thought that was your job." I try to joke again, but he's not buying it. 

"Damn right it's my job, but you need to be a little fucking selfish once in awhile! When I get you home, you're going to let me wait on you hand and foot, let yourself be pampered...get big and round and keep those kids inside of you."

"Sounds good," I concede. 

"Sure you don't want me to stay the night?" he asks. I'm sure it's not standard hospital policy; still, I know they'd let him if he asked, because after I had the miscarriage, he stayed until I was well enough to go home. I look at him, already half-reclining on the bed, still with his head on me, and try to picture the two of us cramming together in this awkward, rather small hospital bed. He did that before, when I first woke up, that awful time, and it was a squeeze then. Now, with Emmy and Jaden crowding for space, I can only imagine how uncomfortable and terribly unromantic that would be. "You need to be home for the kids," I say, albeit reluctantly. After today, I really don't want to let any of them out of my sight for awhile, either. "Besides, once I get there, I'm pretty much confined to bed, and there'll be plenty of time to snuggle up and make out later."

Jaden chooses then to kick, making Russell sit up. We both chuckle, although we're both glad the twins are alive and well, at this point. 

"I wish I could take some of this away from you, Liss," he tells me. "I would, you know, if I could." 

The image of him out to here with two babies is so utterly ridiculous it makes me laugh. When he looks faintly insulted, I tell him of my mental picture and even he has to join in. "Honest, if I could, sweetheart, I'd gladly take on childbirth, if it meant I didn't have to watch you suffer."

Even though this is a rather sweet sentiment, I snort. "Yeah, I'd like to see you try. You can take on tigers in the Coliseum, but I'd love to witness you attempt to push a six or seven pound baby or two out through your..."

 He stops me by thoroughly kissing me. When he lets me come up for air, he tenderly brushes the hair back from my forehead and kisses me there, as well. "I'm just glad you're all right," he says softly, but I can see the twitchy, playful smile at the edges of his mouth. "Lissy, I love you."

"I love you, too," I respond. 

"Just get those babies to six or seven pounds," he says, "and we'll call it good." 

I have to agree. Stay strong, I tell the twins. Stay strong and healthy and inside of Mum until it's time.