Chapter 8

Janie stared into the empty apartment, pondering on whether or not to ride to the house with the moving men. She knew she was not up to driving herself that distance just yet.  "She was incredibly fatigued from packing. She dialed her cell phone, " Mr. Forbis? Yes, this is Janie Dougherty. I'm fine - how are you? Yes. I just ask a favor. The movers just left, headed towards the house - could you please let them in? No. I won't be joining them today. I should be there tomorrow. Yes - I am looking forward to meeting you and Mrs. Forbis too. Groceries? No. Really? That would be wonderful. Have her save the receipt so that I'll be sure to remember to reimburse her. Thanks! Let me leave you this cell phone number. I'll be staying at a friend's house tonight......"

She was thankful for Mr. and Mrs. Forbis staying on to help her take care of the property.

Janie took a cab back to Mark's. She almost didn't make it to the bedroom before she literally passed out on the bed. She dozed for 45 minutes before the need for more pain medication woke her up. She opted for a hot bath before the meds, then donned an oversized footy shirt from the bag of clothes she brought with her.

Laying in Mark's bed, she decided that she needed to get her feelings out and onto her laptop, thinking it would help her make sense of things. She dug her laptop out of her bag and propped it up on a pillow in her lap. Soon her fingers were flitting and flying over the keys with dizzying speed. Before the hour was up, she was in tears, on the edge of sobbing. Try as she might, she could not get Russell's face and the look of sheer hatred that had skewed his otherwise handsome features. It was her last vision of him, screaming as loud as his voice would carry -as the pain welling up from her womb deafened her.

She kicked her laptop off the bed and clutched onto a pillow, hanging onto it for dear life - grinding her teeth - tears of anger rolling down her cheek. She cursed wildly at the empty room - yelling until she had no voice. Janie rocked back and forth, holding the pillow. She closed her eyes and began whispering the Lord's Prayer over and over - like she did so many years ago when she suffered under the plight of her step-father.

Chapter 9

Janie was 14 and her little sister was 10 when her mother married her 4th, and last, husband. Mommy could have married more, Janie supposed - had she survived the last one. Janie's mind had chosen to shut out most of her battered and abused childhood - it was the only way her frail subconscious could digest it. She never sought professional counseling when she became older, Janie felt that her writing was therapy enough. Unfortunately, there were many dark wraiths haunting the recesses of her mind that had been hiding skillfully. Observing the look on Russell's face that day had released them in a flood, and the medication she was taking for her physical pain was providing a welcome playground for these spirit visitants. She felt them prowling on the edges of her sanity when she was in the hospital. Now they were jockeying for control of her mind.

The long forgotten scenes began playing over and over in her head. The snap, snap wizzzzz sounds of the 35mm camera. The blinding explosions of the flash. The haunting sound of his voice as he told Janie and her little sister how and where to lay - and where to touch each other. The photo sessions continued nearly every night - all night - , while their mother was pulling the night shift at a greasy diner downtown. Yes, Janie's step-father made his living in photography - just not the kinds of pictures you could obtain legally. He made sure - through the regular use of the buckle end of his belt - that his step-daughters never breathed a word to anyone. And the glare on his face.....that look of utter hate and reprehension...

One day when Janie was at a friend's house after school, she heard. "Comfortably 

Numb" by Pink Floyd blaring out of her friend's big brother's room - she ran to the bathroom to throw up her lunch and breakfast.

"Okay, just a little pin prick....."

Janie's step-father couldn't have his subjects crying and misbehaving - no....he made sure that he shot them full of drugs so that they would play nice and smile for the camera. This went on for two years until her 16th birthday. That night was just like any other, except for the cake and a few meaningless presents.

Mommy left for the diner on time. The drug administering began on time...only...."....wake up........WAKE UP!!!!" Janie could hear her step-father - through her drug induced haze - yelling and hitting her little sister, trying to make her come to. Janie suddenly coherently heard him mutter, "No pulse...dead...what the fuck do I do?"

She slipped off the makeshift bed in front of the camera and made her way down the hall to the closet where she knew her previous step-dad had kept a hand gun. She shook her head trying to shrug off the drugs and make her hands do what she desperately needed them to do. She bit down hard on her bottom lip in an effort to gather concentration. She balanced her weight on her mother's portable sewing machine case in the bottom of the closet and felt blindly around on the shelf for the wooden box that she had found years ago when looking for a camera. Her heart sank when she realized it was gone. Sweat was pouring down her forehead and dripping down into her eyes. Drops of blood from her bottom lip were falling from her chin onto her feet.

She thrust her hand as far as she could reach at the back of the shelf when she heard her step-father yell her name. Janie had resigned herself to making an attempt to run, but she knew he would catch her too easily - the drugs would slow her escape. Her fingers bumped the edge of a box. With all the strength she could muster, she jumped and grabbed at the box, pulling it to the floor. It landed with a thump, spilling the contents all over the floor. A .357 Magnum and bullets. Janie wondered if it was loaded. No time...she heard his footfalls growing louder and moving quickly toward her. She picked up the gun with both hands, trembling. The next few seconds spun by in slow motion. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, as the adrenaline was fighting the dope in her system. Her breathing was deep and heavy. She heard him round the corner, screaming expletives. She closed her eyes, shrieked, and pulled the trigger.

The blast was deafening, yet she braced herself from his fists or his belt - whichever he was in the mood for...

Nothing. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tasted blood from her lip. She opened her eyes and saw him sprawled, face down in the hallway. Janie dropped the gun to the floor as if it was diseased with the plague. She tiptoed around him, inching along the hallway, with her body flat to the wall. Her eyes never left him until she reached her room, where she frantically put on her jeans, t-shirt, and a jacket. She stuffed some clothes in a bag, and grabbed the pouch that held all the money she had saved through various after-school jobs. Janie didn't bother to go back down the hall to the front door - she climbed out her window.

Into the night, she went - not knowing where she would go or what she would do.

Chapter 10

The truck ride back to the farm was silent. Terry had opened his mouth to rib Russell about running his motorbike out of gas, but caught Mark's glare and decided that it wasn't a good time. Once back to the farm, Terry was able to pull Mark aside to inquire about the circumstances of the moment while Russ took a much needed shower.

"What's eating him? I don't think I've ever seen 'im that quiet - it's just not 'im, ya know?" Mark pondered on whether or not to spill the beans or to just let Russell tell him in his own time. He could see that Terry was worried to the point of pacing nervously, so he told him what he knew, trying his best to sound neutral.

"Wherriz the poor sheila now, Mark?"

"She's probably still at my place, I reckon. I can't imagine that she is feeling up to anything but sleep. But hey don't tell..." SHIT, he cursed to himself. This is not a place he enjoyed being - asking one brother to keep secrets from the other. Mark didn't want Russell to know where Janie was - and he was selfish in his reasoning, mostly. In his mind, he had become her protector -whether she wanted him to be or not. The last thing she needed was to see Russell. Hell, the last thing Russell needed was to see her! He doubted that Russ could form coherent sentences to her at this point. Mark also wondered if he would be angry that she was at his place. Would he be jealous?

"What? Sorry I didn't catch that last sentence, Mark"

"I just think it would be best if Rusty didn't know where she was right now. I don't think either of them is ready to talk to one another."

"Yeah. I think you're right about that. You look beat - why don't ya go grab a kip. Mum'll be cooking supper soon." Mark began to decline, but thought better on it. He was very tired and didn't think he could make the trip back to the city that night. He pulled out his cell and rang his number. There was no answer, so he left a message in case Janie was listening.

"Hey. Just calling to check on you. Call me if you need anything."

"Who are you ringing, mate?" Russ was standing right behind him, Mark never heard him walk up.

"Ah - just checking on our schedules for next week, mate - nothing important..."

Mark could see that Russell knew he was lying by his hooded eyes and thinned lips. He silently prayed that this wasn't going to be an argument.

Russell's features softened. He raked a hand through his wet locks, smiled and leaned in to whisper, "Mate, it's ok. I know you are talking to her, you don't have to lie to me." Rubbing the bridge of his nose, "I can't think straight right now. I don't know what to do" he shrugged, "Honestly, I'm numb from the inside out. I know I need to contact her, but I haven't the words to give her. I just don't know..." he turned toward the stables.

"Eh, you'll think of something charming to say." Russell jerked around to face 

Mark, thinking the comment was sarcastic, but realized that he was only trying to lighten the situation a little for his friend.

"Mark, mate - in case I haven't told you lately, I'm lucky to have you around" he patted Mark on the shoulder. I'm going to check on the horses then I'm going to bed - I haven't got an appetite. Tell Mum for me?"

Mark nodded and watched Russell saunter off to the stables. He sighed audibly and was thankful that Russell was back safe on the farm. He had no idea what the next few days would bring. He silently prayed that things would not get any more confused than they already were - for him at least. If he had to choose between Russell and Janie - much to his surprise - he didn't know who would win.

He turned to go back to the main house, to see what Russell's Mum had cooked for dinner, he wondered where in the hell he signed up for all this shit and if he could scratch his name off the friggin' list.

Janie woke early the next morning with a stiff neck and her footy shirt soaked in sweat. She didn't remember where she was or who she was. She started to tremble with fear when it all came back to her with the force of a 18 wheeler hitting her head-on. Janie's temples pounded and she hung her head to cry. When she could weep no more, she went to the bathroom to take a shower. What she saw in the mirror over the sink made her shrink back in horror. Her eyes were sunk in with a dark tinge circling them. She was so pale, that looking at herself made her stomach wrench. Janie could not believe that she was looking at herself. "This must stop." Janie said to her reflection. "Do you HEAR me? I will NOT let you RULE my life!"

She had tossed the contents of her purse onto Mark's bed - frantically looking for the one thing that she felt would save her sanity. She pulled everything out of her billfold until she found it. A dog-eared business card of a psychologist that she met at a seminar a year before. She had every detail of the card memorized - the name, address, and number - yet she needed to hold the card to feel safe. Janie crushed the card to her bosom and willed the voice in her head to go away, so that she could think create a single thought.

Janie promised herself that she would call for an appointment when she reached her new house today. Really. This time she would actually dial the phone. To hell with everything else. Totally afraid that if she faced her demons - somehow she would lose her writing gift - as if she had made some pagan deal with the devil. This last episode was the final straw. She couldn't live like this - what would happen if she had an episode in front of someone? She would be carted off to the looney bin for sure. But - what if they sent her there anyway? What if she called and spoke with Dr. Blakely and she had her committed? "I am NOT crazy" she proclaimed to the empty room.

Chapter 11

Russell and Mark were prevalent in her mind as she made the 5 hour drive to her house. She was anxious to be around her things. Her books. Her music collection.

They were the best medicine for her right now, she was sure of it. Her body went on auto-pilot while she reminisced about her last birthday - a Bruce Springsteen song on the radio transported her back to the day.

Janie was sitting in the most luxurious bathtub that she ever been in. It was big enough for 4 or 5 people, she guessed. She was steeping herself in a nice hot bubble bath, for her legs were sore from all the walking she did that day. A Springsteen compilation CD was playing quietly in the background. Russell was making his rounds, promoting his latest movie and was tied up in interviews and meetings for the duration of the day. He had forgotten her birthday, but she wasn't upset with him. The trip to the States, the posh hotels, and sightseeing that he had patiently made time for was enough for her. Today, she had taken in a couple of museums, three book stores, and a music store before catching a cab back to the hotel. A knock on the bathroom door startled her.

"Janie? Are you decent?" a timid Australian voice said from the other side of the door.

"There is not a decent bone in my body, Mark" Janie teased. "I'm not advertising my wares, you can come in." she could just imagine Mark blushing, and she knew he wouldn't come in the bathroom - but he did settle for talking to her via her reflection in the mirror. Admittedly, she used to find it quite unsettling to have an entourage of people around at all times, but she had grown used to it.

Many times, she felt panicky if she couldn't find Mark in the crowd - especially at the movie premieres that she attended with Russell. Even if Mark had stepped into the bathroom to chat with her, she wouldn't have though it strange - but Russell may have.

"Luv, Russ wanted me to tell you that he has to attend a dinner that he cannot get out of. He says he can't go to a movie with you tonight." Janie's heart sank, and it was evident on her face - Mark saw her disappointment in the mirror. "Russ asks if you'll attend the dinner with him." Janie was boiling inside. This was the fourth night in a row that her plans had been ditched for his. And on her birthday - no less! Yeah, yeah, yeah - she knew this was his job, but dammit! She really was beginning to feel like the 'wench-along-for-the-ride'.

"Tell him that I'm not feeling well. I'll just have room service bring me up some soup." She attempted to feign illness. 'The least the bastard could do is call me himself and invite me along. Oooo just wait until I see him again.'

Janie fumed to herself. Mark wasn't buying the 'sick' routine."He said that he's really sorry, Luv. He promised that he would make it up to you. He said that there may be some business people there that you'd like to meet - you know - publishers and all." Mark was really digging at the bottom of the barrel now. "Come on, Janie - give the poor bloke a break - he's been in interviews all day."

Janie began to protest, but Mark's last sentence did her in. Interviews were not his favorite thing. It's not like he asked to be grilled all day - with the same questions over and over. Her mothering instincts kicked in: "OK. What time and where are we going?"

Mark couldn't deny that he wasn't enjoying the view. Janie - with her long dark hair piled up on top her head - her body sunk all the way to her chin in that enormous tub full of bubbles. Occasionally lifting her long tanned legs out to run a loofah sponge the length of them. He felt his longing stir in the pit of his belly and had to shift his weight onto his other leg to adjust himself.

Thank God he was on the other side of this door - his raging hard-on would be quite evident to any observer. God - her eyes. He didn't know which turned him on more - the luscious breasts she kept packaged in a bra underneath her snug-fitting sweaters, or her eyes. Sometimes he didn't understand Russ' attraction to women, but this one was quite obvious. Mark thought that if she looked at him just right with those haunting eyes of hers, he'd cream his jeans right there. He could imagine himself in that tub with her...sucking on her toes...making her giggle. Oh no - I wouldn't leave this sheila alone...if she were mine...

"Mark? Are you still there?" Janie had leaned up to see if he was gone, as she didn't hear an answer to her question.

"Uh....yeah...sorry....8pm.....I'll drive you there. It's a casual affair." Mark snuck away - embarrassed at his thoughts.

Mark chauffeured her in a black SUV to the restaurant. She was a few minutes late because she couldn't decide what to wear, and Mark was no help at all - he said that she looked great in anything. To top it all off, she was still a little peeved at Russell, so it made the clothes selection more difficult - she didn't feel the need to impress him. After trying on and mixing a half a dozen outfits, she finally decided on a dress that she had purchased that day for herself - a birthday present. Janie would never fork over that kind of dough without an excuse. It was a simple black sheath, with an embroidered scalloped neckline. It was almost form-fitting, but not quite. Janie had liked the way it felt next to her skin - how the material moved with her. She bought a pair of black strappy heels to wear with it - so that she wouldn't seem so short next to Russell. Mark kept stealing glances in the rear-view mirror at her has she touched up her lipstick and adjusted her bra through her dress. Janie was unaware of her audience, but Mark's member was quite the avid fan, and almost caused a car accident when he took over Mark's brain. "Damn traffic" Mark muttered to cover his carelessness.

Mark ushered her inside to the Maitre  D', then disappeared. The Maitre D' escorted her to a darkened secluded dining area at the rear of the restaurant. A single table with two chairs were illuminated by candlelight in the center of the private room. A bottle of champagne was chilling in an ice pail on a stand near the table. Janie turned around to inquire of the Maitre D', but he had vanished into thin air - just like Mark. Soft jazz - Miles Davis - she mused, was playing from a hidden source. She slowly turned a 360°, to see if there was anyone else in the room, but found no one. A single rose bud on a stem, laying on one of the plates, caught her eye. There was a note beneath it.

"Dearest Janie, Happy Birthday"

"You didn't think I would forget your birthday, now did ya?" an all-encompassing voice rumbled from behind her. Russell's lips found her neck and began to play their way up to her earlobe. His arms encircled her and he hugged her while murmuring in her ear, "Mmmm. You feel so good. I could stay right here and hold you forever."

Janie voice caught in her throat and tears streamed down her face. "Janie?" amused but concerned, Russell furrowed his brow and turned her to face him.

"What's a matter, Luv?" All Janie could do was hold her fist to her mouth and shake her head as more tears welled up in her eyes. "Say something? Please?" Russell's amusement was fading quickly, as he began thinking that somehow he had upset her. His finger went to her chin and tilted her face to his. "Janie..."

"I'm sorry...I'm just....j...j...j...just so....surprised!" she managed to say between muffled sobs.

"Awww, Janie...." Russell held her close to him. He shushed and cooed to her waterfall of tears ceased. Janie found herself a little more than embarrassed by her show of raw emotion at his thoughtfulness.

"I'm sorry - I don't know what my....I guess...well....I was very angry at you! I thought you were ditching our plans again!" She laughed as she tried to salvage her makeup with a tissue from her purse.

"Ha ha ha ha ha" Russell laughed heartily, tossing his head back. "I'm sure I would have really been in the dog house, huh? I asked Mark if he'd overheard you calling about flights back to Australia yet..."

"That was on my agenda for tomorrow morning, actually..." They both guffawed at her comment. The next hour was spent enjoying a leisure celebratory dinner, all alone - the two of them. This was the first time on their trip that they felt truly alone and in tune with one-another. Janie couldn't take her eyes off of him. The candlelight danced in his eyes and played in his long hair in a way that made her nipples stand at attention. Russell could see the lust fill her eyes. Those eyes. He suddenly felt very naked - all the way to his soul - in them.

"Care to dance?" Russell stood, and offered her his hand. He led her away from the table and held her close, swaying to a Charlie Parker tune. Two of the candles on the table had burned out completely, leaving a solitary flame. The room was so dim now, that Russell felt as if they were dancing in the dark. The darkness seemed to heighten all his other senses. He could feel her heart beat. He could smell her scent - freesia, the oil she used in her bath. He inhaled deeply and drew her face up to meet his. He kissed her witha tenderness that was new to them both. She practically melted in his embrace and wished with her entire being - with everything that she held sacred that she could freeze this moment in time. Her heart was heavy with emotion. Those three words of commitment were dancing a waltz on the end of her tongue, but she clamped her jaws tight - desperately trying NOT to ruin the moment. Sure they seemed to have a great time together in and out of bed, but Janie still couldn't figure Russell out - was this just a good time to him? Was she just someone to have on hand for his enjoyment? She had already let herself go way too far with this man. She knew that she was walking a fine line with herself. If she proclaimed her love to him and he rejected it, the disappointment would be unbearable at this point.

She would hole herself up somewhere until her demons passed. The other lingering thought also presented itself as well - she should break it off now, before she did get hurt.

Janie could feel Russell inching her backwards, but was unsure of where. He grabbed her hips and sat her down on a hard, smooth surface. "It's a piano..." he muttered when he felt her body tense. She hadn't seen it sitting in the shadows. There was a portable riser beside it, pushed out of the way for their dinner. It gave Russell the perfect angle for the next act he was about to perform.

Janie and Russell were face to face. Her arms were slipped around his neck as she deeply devoured his lips with hers. Her tongue seeking entry and caressing his when granted. Russell's palms were flat on piano, close to either side of her hips, bracing himself as he kissed her neck. Her hands progressed over his shoulders and down his muscular arms. Dizzy with desire, Janie hooked her leg around his and gently brought herself to the edge of the piano -at the same time pulling him close enough so that she could press herself to him. Her dress had ridden up to her hips and Russell pulled it over her head. He surveyed his conquest with hungry eyes - trying to decide where to start. He reached behind her with a practiced hand and unlatched her bra. Janie moaned and felt a wave of heat rush between her legs.

Russell attentively sucked and licked her nipples, blowing on them to tease them to hard little nubs and then nursing them soft as he kneaded the flesh surrounding them. Janie leaned up so that she could remove his shirt and run her hands over his chest. She wanted him to take control - to be the dominant one. His self-assuredness - mistaken by others as cockiness - was extremely attractive and sexy to her. Sure it was fun to have the upper hand once in awhile, but she couldn't argue with her body...having Russell be 'the man' is what got her juices flowing.

He growled with an urgent need when her hand brushed his erection through his pants. Slowly, Russ slid her panties down her legs - and paused to nuzzle in her moistness. Janie felt her head swim as Russell kneeled and began rolling her clit between his lips. She laid herself flat and pushed her hands above her head, blindly feeling for something to grab on to. Between the tickle of his beard and mustache on her pussy and the caress of his long locks on the insides of her thighs, could not imagine what could be more exquisite. She wrapped her legs around his neck to hold him prisoner while she reveled in his ministrations.

Russell deftly slipped his index and middle finger into her - moving in and out, while stoking her swollen berry with his thumb. He returned to his feet - his voice gruff with desire. 'Come 'ere..." He pulled her back to a sitting position.

"I want you to see how good you taste." With a hand firmly on the back of her head, he pressed his lips down on hers, this mouth open and tongue probing for hers. She was emitting cries of passion into his mouth as she began to climax when Russell's fingers sped up to mimic the pace of his tongue.

He pulled back and coaxed her along, "That's it baby, cum for me. Oh yeah....look at me - open your eyes, Janie." What she saw on his face was pure unbridled lust - his hooded eyes were wild with it. He was a predator vanquishing his conquest.

She came immediately. Her fist in her mouth muffled her screams. Janie was spent - or so she thought. Russell took her hand and placed it on the hardness in the front of his pants and moved her hand up and down. She felt that familiar twinge that could only be her libido resetting itself for another round.

Russell couldn't help himself - she was so small and he was so big compared to her. Call it some sort of twisted machismo, the sexual power that he held over her at this moment her really got him off. He had decided at the beginning of the night that he would back off and let her take the lead - it was her birthday, after all - but things didn't go that way....and she seemed to be enjoying herself..."What do you want, baby?"

"You." It was all she could say - she was shivering with desire. Russell released her hand. His eyes never left hers as he undid his buckle and unsnapped and unzipped his pants. He nudged her to the edge of the piano and ran the plum of his swollen cock up and down her slit, priming it for entry. Russell grabbed her hip with one paw and pushed his weight forward. Janie quickly sucked a breath in and held it, reveling in the pain and pleasure of his sweet ravishment. She laid on her back once more, tilted her hips up, and brought her knees up in the air. Russell took the cue, and grabbed her thighs right beneath the hollow behind her knees. He heard her release her breath and relax her muscles. He pulled out slightly and pushed himself all they way in. Janie cried out as tears rolled down her cheeks. Russell stopped moving at once.

"Janie - baby - did I hurt you? Does it hurt?" It was all he could do to make himself stop.

"No...please don't stop..." she was breathless. "Soooo big....so goooooooooood" she purred when he began sliding in and out of her tight sheath. Russell grinned to himself and noted that if he ever made a sheila cry, that this was the way he would rather do it. He smoothed his hand up her belly, kneading her flesh as he went.

Russell made love to Janie for what seemed an eternity. Slow and steady, passionately. When he could finally hold back no longer - and only after he made her cum at least two more times, he shot hot searing jets of cum into her.

Seemingly more than anytime before that. Her body cried out when he left her to put his clothes back on. Something about this session of lovemaking was different than the other times, yet neither of them could put their finger on what it was. There was more heart - more emotion. It was more meaningful to them both.

"We can continue this at the hotel." He winked and stumbled backwards onto his ass.

"Not if you hurt yourself before we get there.....are you alright?" she managed to say between peals of laughter.

"Very funny. I may never walk again after your birthday fuck and you are laughing....at a crippled man no less! Hmmmph."

Janie returned to reality when she realized that she was laughing out loud. She glanced down at her watch was surprised that she didn't remember driving the last hour. She swerved and cussed out loud when her cell phone rang and scared the wits out of her. It was Russell. Her pulse quickened and her heart started to race. She fought with herself over whether or not to answer it.

Chapter 12

"It's more beautiful and serene than I remember it to be!" Janie choked back her emotions. The back of her hand was crushed against her mouth in an attempt to keep from crying. She put her SUV in park and stepped out onto the circular driveway in front of her new house. Janie didn't recall the front gardens being so alive with color. She wondered if the Forbis' had spruced up the beds along the drive. Tears slipped out of her eyes and she cursed her body chemistry - her hormones - for making her so damned emotional at everything.

Although Janie was fatigued, she was reeling with a punchy excitement at being in her new house. She found her meager furniture and boxes filled with her belongings inside the house - placed and arranged in each room, as the Forbis' thought she'd want them. Janie mentally began to take note of the furniture that she would need to buy to make this house feel like a real home to her. A phone on the kitchen began to ring, and she inched around the boxes to answer it.

"Hullo"

"Ah, Miss Dougherty! You did make it! Me and the wife were on our way down to check on the house. Thought I'd call to see if you were there and if you needed anything" the ever peppy Mr. Forbis inquired.

"Oh! No - I can't think of anything that I need yet. I just arrived about 10 minutes ago. Please - come on over. I'd like to thank you properly for all your help!"

She opted for a stroll on beach before the couple arrived. The feel of the sand between her toes and the gentle lapping of the ocean at her ankles was a natural therapy to her blemished soul. The view of her new house from the beach was even more breathtaking than her initial impression when she arrived earlier. The beveled glass windows sparkled and shimmered like the ocean itself.

After her cell phone rang for the 5th time - from the same number that called while she was on her way to the house, Janie did something that she thought she'd never do. She turned it off and shoved it into a kitchen drawer.

"Shouldn't you have answered that, dear?" Mrs. Forbis asked.

"No - it wasn't anything important, really! - Now please - continue....what kind of bush is that planted out there?" Janie pointed to a flower bed they were viewing through the window over the sink. "How long does it flower like that?"

Both Mr. and Mrs. Forbis jumped in at the same time, both eager to impart their knowledge of the area's horticulture. Janie laughed - thankful that they were there with her, yet wondering - in the back of her mind - how long she could hold Russell and Mark off.

Chapter 13

Mark tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom, careful not to wake Janie up, should she be sleeping. He was astounded to find the room empty - the bed carefully made - and not a sign of her belongings anywhere. Mark ran downstairs to the kitchen to see if her medication was still there - it was not - but there were two envelopes lying on the counter. He picked up the one labeled with his name in her handwriting. The high pitched scream of his cell phone startled him and he dropped the note on the floor.

"Yeah..."

"Where is she Mark? What is this all about?" Russ was on the other end. His voice grave - all business, no bullshit.

"Where are you? I thought you were staying at the farm today?"

"I'm at Janie's apartment. The landlady just told me that she left yesterday. 

She paid the rest of her lease in cash, mate. The only forwarding address she gave was a post office box. Where is she?" Russell's tone was even and matter-of-fact, as if Mark knew all the answers and Rusty was tired of playing the game. "Russ...I really don't know. She was staying here at my place - and she's not here either - all she left was...""Don't fuck with me, mate - she couldn't have just disappeared like that. She's too timid for that. Is she there? Is she there and just doesn't want to speak to me?" he growled through a set jaw. "Fuck you Russell. Shut up and listen to me." Russell began to interrupt, but Mark talked over him, raising his voice just enough to be heard." She left a note here for you. I'll bring it to you."

"No, I'll be right there." Russell ended the call and tried Janie's cell for at least the 6th time - hoping she'd answer. When her voice mail answered immediately, he knew she - or someone - had turned the phone off. Russell felt his face flush with anger - his heart pumping furiously enough that he was quite literally seeing 'red'. Put his palms on the hood of his vehicle and leaned in, dropping his head. Tears of frustration welled up in his blood-shot eyes. "Janie. I just need to know that you are ok. Where are you, luv?"

Mark slumped down on the couch after reading the note. Janie never stated where she was, just that she would contact him soon. Her words of gratitude for all he had done for her did nothing more than make him feel empty inside. Yes, he had it bad for Janie. The clarity of his feelings and desires for her slammed home, now that she was gone. A jealous urge brought his gaze to the other envelope still lying on the counter. What did she say to him? Did she tell him that she never wanted to see him again? Did she tell him where she was? Did she profess her undying love to him? Mark made it to the counter in three strides from the couch. He grabbed the envelope with every intention of ripping it open to read when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Mate?" Mark whirled around to the source of the voice. He knew he was sporting a rather guilty look on his face, yet he did nothing to hide it. "Here - this is yours." He handed the note to Russell. Mark wouldn't, couldn't make himself look Russell in the eye. The room abruptly felt too small for the both of them, so Mark took his leave. He grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and escaped to the back yard.

Chapter 14

Five days after she moved into her house, Janie called and made an appointment to see Dr. Blakely, the psychiatrist. Her dreams had been keeping her awake - sleeping pills were only making them more surreal. Reliving her stepfather's nasty deeds over and over every night was pushing her into a black hole of despair. Janie's subconscious was at war with itself - it was tearing her in two and she didn't know how to fix it by herself. She had not unpacked the first box. She had not made contact with a single soul, other than the Forbis'. Janie chose to spend her days sitting on the beach, staring blankly at the horizon - silently wishing that the sand would swallow her whole.

Her stepfather once again haunted her sleep that night. The same cruel rerun of her 16th birthday over and over. The camera flash. The drugs. The whiz and whir of the camera. Janie was jarred out of her dream when she rolled off the bed and hit the floor.

She changed out of her sweaty shirt and took a quick shower. Instead of returning to her bed, she grabbed a blanket at went outside to the sun deck facing the ocean. Perhaps the sounds of the sea would lull her into a peaceful sleep. Her dreams were of Russell and their last trip to the States together:

"What? Why don't you want to go Nicole's movie premier? Are you feeling ok?" The frustrated stare that he gave Janie was clearly devoid of concern over 'why' she didn't want to go. His impatient voice was one usually reserved for work and those that worked for him." Didn't ya have a good time last night? I thought ya did - what has changed since then, huh? Janie?" Russell was pacing impatiently - raking his fingers through his hair.

The night before, Russell and Janie had been invited to a private party that 

Nicole had thrown - it was a sort of movie premier-eve affair - just an excuse to get together with friends, really. Janie had a wonderful time. This was the first time she'd met Nicole Kidman and was impressed by her beauty and her wit.

Janie was kept in stitches at the way that Russell and Nicole carried on. 

Silently, Janie wished that the night would never end. She felt so comfortable, so at ease with Russell - a comfort that she had not felt in her life - ever. He made the perfect date that night - never allowing her to feel like she was a third wheel among strangers. He patiently explained all the inside jokes. The more VB he ingested the more she would catch him undressing her with his lust filled eyes - and the closer he held her against his side while all the guests were solving the world's problems in their discussions. Janie was mentally planning the post-party activities that she would subject Russell to - involving a bucket of ice, a silk scarf, a jar of honey, and a bowl of strawberries. Room service could bring me the strawberries from the kitchen, right? she asked herself. Her distant look and the goofy smile on her face caught Russell's attention.

"Mmmm - what do you have in mind for tonight, luv? I can see the wheels spinnin' in your noggin" he pulled her to his chest and leaned over to whisper the question in her ear. His low beer slurred voice was dripping with his lewd and voracious appetite. His hot breath on her cheek. The feather light caress on her breast - with the tops of his fingers holding his bottle of VB. The hard, long signal of his need pressed against her belly. Janie's nipples had grown painfully hard and she was getting weak in the knees." Russell, let's go - n-o-w!" He adored how alcohol consumption made her want to get her kink on...

Waiting outside the hotel, where the private party was held, was a slew of paparazzi reporters and cameramen." Russell, be nice...." Janie began to chide.

"Ah, don't worry luv" he laid a sloppy kiss on her forehead. Russell was beered up and in a playful mood. He wanted to stop and give the reporters a few words to remember him by and to show off Janie - but something was horribly wrong in Janie's world and he didn't notice. Russell began talking and joking around while he slowly slipped from reality. All at once, she felt suffocated - almost claustrophobic. She craned her head around and searched for Mark. Her overwhelming desire was to find a quick escape - and instinctively she hunted for Mark so that he could provide her with one. No where. He was no where to be found. Janie grabbed Russell's arm in a death grip and buried her face in his shoulder." Please God, get me out of here" she mumbled to herself.

"Ya see there? She's bashful! Time to go! Bye!" Russell giggled to his audience. 

Mark had pulled up in the token black SUV almost on cue. They climbed in and 

Mark sped off." See Janie? I can be nice to the piranhas!" Russell rambled on and on about the night, the people he saw, the jokes that were told - but not once did he turn and notice that Janie was shivering and pale in the backseat beside him. She thought she remembered Mark asking her or maybe asking Russell if she was all right, but no reply was given.

Mark dropped them off at the private rear entrance of their hotel. Russell carried Janie to the elevator and then on to the room. He assumed that she had fallen asleep, when she had actually passed out - and not from alcohol consumption.

She laid in bed, alone, the next day - wondering what from the night before was real and what was just her mind playing sick jokes. It was 1 P.M. by the clock on the nightstand when she awoke. Russell would be in interviews or meetings for quite some time, still. Would Russell demand an explanation of what happened the night before? Was he even aware of it? The questions would haunt her for the duration of the day. Janie remained in the room until Russell returned that evening. She was dozing on the bed when she felt his fingertips brushing her upper arm.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty..." Russell cooed and kissed her nose. When she peeked through narrow eyelids and gave him a sleepy grin, it was his green light to break into a veritable never-ending diatribe regarding his day. Puffing on a smoke and sipping a Jack and coke - he strolled the length of the suite over and over, preaching to his audience of one. His eyes focused on her and her state of sleepy undress, which he found irresistibly sexy. "Baby, I think someone wants to come out and play, heh heh. Let's get in the shower, wanna? Maybe just a little snack before we leave?" He licked his lips audibly and gave her the "come to Rusty, baby" look.

He had never noticed a thing last night. A wave of gratitude washed over her as she tuned him out. Is that a good thing? Don't you think he should have noticed that you weren't well? Janie tried to shake those last comments - but could not. She felt the frown creep up on her face when Russell mentioned the premier that they would be late to if they didn't shake a leg.

Janie felt her body stiffen and bristle at Russell. "Why don't you just go to the premier? I'll be fine here." Her feeble attempt at sincerity was lost on him. She would be damned before he would start treating her like one of the hired help. Janie felt it was time to make that clear.

"No. You're going with me! End of discussion! This is the fun part of the trip, luv. Now let's go get tidied up and get you into that sexy little black number that I bought you in New York..." Russell commanded. Not the most tactful way to get your significant other to do what you want, indeed. Unfortunately, Rusty had built the premier night up in his mind to such a pinnacle that Janie's disinterest felt like a slap in the face with a sack of dog shit to him. He wanted to take her out - show her a good time - and have a good time. To somehow make up for dragging her around from city to city while he worked all day only to leave her to her own devices most of the time. This wasn't Janie's view at all. Not only did she not want to be treated like arm candy - which is how he was making her feel at the moment - but she didn't want a repeat of the night before. After a few hours of self-diagnosis on the internet late that afternoon - Janie had determined that she suffered from a sort of acute Demophobia - she was afraid of crowd mobs. In her single-minded thinking, the only way to avoid another episode was just to avoid crowds at all costs.

Should I tell Russell? Janie snorted audibly and rolled her eyes at herself. Yeah, and have him laugh me out of the hotel - and right into the funny farm? I don't think so. The disagreement turned juvenile:

"What, Mr. Crowe? You're going to make me?" she was poking him in the chest with her finger.

"Quit poking me, luv. You don't want to do that" he whispered in a controlled and even tone.

"Or what, Your Majesty? You're so used to getting your way - you think you can order me around? I didn't sign up for this shit when I agreed to come with you on this trip! You can start treating me like a human being starting right now, or I can find a flight back to Sydney - no problem. I don't want to go to this premier tonight, got it?" Janie was dead serious - she had no intention of backing down. Her eyes locked onto his in a fierce battle of wills.

"What's gotten into you, Janie?" his voice was still a whisper, and it pissed her off. He was playing it cool in a mockery of her legitimate anger. "Are you punishing me for leaving you by yourself so much lately? What is it you need me to do, luv. Tell me." His calm demeanor was maddening.

"Arrrrrgh!" Janie cried. "If you have to ask, then it does not matter!" She turned on her heel - grabbed the Maker's Mark bottle off the bar and locked herself in the bathroom.

"That went well." Russell collected his clothes for the premier and went to Mark's room to get ready.

Janie didn't give in and attend the premier with Russell. Instead, she cried and drank herself quietly to sleep on the bathroom floor. She had told herself that if Russell came back to the room, she would apologize and go with him. He didn't come back until the next morning.

Chapter 15

The morning of her doctor's appointment was spent trying to find something decent to wear...that and hunting down her make-up. Janie's belongings were still in boxes. Mrs. Forbis had unpacking her kitchen items for her the day before - other than that - all the boxes still sat as they were the day she arrived. She found her feeling of detachment from the rest of the world to be soothing.

Her cell phone was still in a drawer in the kitchen. She had unplugged all the phones in the house. Janie had not left the house, nor had she retrieved her mail from the post office since she moved. The Forbis' had been kind enough to offer running her errands - she had given Mr. Forbis her PO Box key asked if he could pick up her mail the next time he was in town.

Purse....keys....planner....directions to doctor's office... Janie's mental checklist was complete. She opened the door and headed for her vehicle, but not before she tripped and fell face first onto the walkway. "Son of a BITCH!" There was a stack of mail bound in twine sitting outside the door - she hadn't noticed it until it was too late. Janie checked her hose - no rips. She checked her hands and felt her head - no blood. Good. She hauled herself up off the concrete and picked up the mail bundle. She tossed it into the passenger seat and cranked the engine, smiling at the Bruce Springsteen tune that greeted her.

The drive into Sydney was an uneventful one. She decided that it was actually nice to be away from the house for a little while. Janie diligently suppressed her second thoughts about visiting the doctor. She was going to get all this shit sorted out once and for all. She couldn't even begin to deal with what to do about Russell until she dealt with her own demons first. She couldn't hide from Russell and Mark forever. They would find her eventually, if they hadn't already.

She finally found the doctor's office - only had to pass it twice. She parked and checked her make up in the mirror. The stack of mail had fallen into the floorboard during her drive. The twine unraveled and mail was spread everywhere.

As she grabbed her purse, she glanced down saw a letter with familiar handwriting on the front. Janie's heart wedged itself in her throat. She picked it up and held it. A flash - a memory that she didn't recognize crawled into her brain. It was of someone picking her up off the floor and carrying her to bed - in a hotel room. It was a recent memory, she figured, because she hadn't spent that much time in hotel rooms before she met Russell.

Janie stuffed the letter in her purse and began walking toward the office building. She had pictured this scene in her mind a hundred times. Expecting herself to change her mind at the last moment, she had already scripted a speech - a pep talk, as it were. No talks were needed. Instead, more memories were spilling into her. She was on the bed, partially naked and someone was between her legs, giving her the most splendid sensations with their tongue and fingers.

Janie grinned to herself. She considered Russell an expert at that task. The thought of him tugged at her heart and her eyes began to well up. Another memory hit her like a ton of cinder blocks. She was running her fingers through the hair on the head that was eating her like an ice cream cone, and it was not Russell. This person had much shorter hair. And she could feel no beard or mustache tickling the tender areas of her sex. The realization of the identity made her head swim. Janie passed out cold in the parking lot of the psychiatrist's office building.

Chapter 16

The night of Nicole's movie premier, Mark called twice to check on her and she ignored both her cell phone and the hotel room phone. When she didn't pick up the second time, he drove all the way back to the hotel. He was the one that picked her up off the bathroom floor (she had unlocked the door in preparation for Russ' return) and carried her to bed. She was passed out cold - her robe was hanging open. It was then that Mark got a complete view of her beautiful naked body. Her nipples were the color of a deep red rose bud. There were no tan lines to be found on her rich supple olive skin. The triangle patch of hair between her legs was cropped close to her flesh. Gazing down at her gorgeous body made him shudder with desire. Mark slowly, carefully tied her robe shut. His heart stopped when Janie stirred and became lucid.

"Mark? Heeeeeeeeeey." She smiled at him through her drunken stupor. "Good ole' Mark. Ol' Rusty's all mad at me, but you - Mark - you loooooooooove me, don't you?"

"Christ, Janie! You are fucked! Lay back down, luv and sleep it off." Mark has turned at least five shades of red at his embarrassment of possibly being caught eyeing the goods.

"Oh baby - I don't feel like sleeping...stay here with me, huh? I'll make it worth your while." Janie had sat up and pulled open her robe - offering herself to him. "Janie is so lonely - won't you stay awhile with her?" she cooed.

Mark was praying for every bit of strength to rip his eyes away from her and her nude body, but his prayers were not answered. "Come on Janie - you are drunk - you don't know what you're saying." He scooted closer to the foot of the bed to distance himself.

She pouted, "You are just like Rusty - you both think you know what's best for me, huh? I managed to get this far in life without Mr. Dumbrell and Mr. Crowe holding my hand, you know?" She had gotten up on her knees and was inching towards Mark - with a salacious smile gracing her lips. "Come on, Mark - what's a little fuck between friends? I know want me. I've seen the way you look at me. I feel your eyes undressing me - who can deny that hard-on you have in your pants right now?" Her hands were on his crotch, squeezing and kneading the life that had formed there. He wasn't stopping her. Her lips found his and kissed him deeply. "Mmmm, Mark. You taste so good." He gave into his passion and began reciprocating.....