Chapter 23

Janie piled up in the middle of the king sized bed in the hotel room. Her spectacles perched on the end of her nose, she purposefully typed away on her laptop. With a satisfied smirk, she saved the latest chapter of her novel and arose to stretch her legs.

Janie opened the glass doors leading to the balcony. The afternoon sun felt cozy on her face. She inhaled the fresh air and wondered what Russell was doing at that very moment.

Pacing back and forth on the balcony, she tried to make up her mind whether to call him, write him, ...forget about him. Too much to think about. Although she was still feeling very positive about her first visit with the psychiatrist she realized too that she was still too scattered to begin a narrative with Russell just yet.

When Janie returned inside, the haphazard way the pillows and sheets were strewn about the bed reminded her of a tender moment spent with Russell: "Janie."

His soft whisper floated like a feather on the breeze of her fever-drenched brain. 

"Come on, love...the doctor said that you need to be in bed."

Big hands. Warm chest. Am I floating? 

"I can't leave you alone for two tics, can I?" No, not floating. WhereamI? Mmmmm. Cool hand on my forehead. 

"Why were you in the living room anyway? Isn't the bed more comfortable?" 

What? I don't remember... Oh. Thirsty. Dizzy. Couldn't make it back to the bed.

"These clothes are soaked. Baby, I hope you break this fever soon. I don't know how many more times I can change you out of your clothes without Lil' Rusty takingover and having his way with you. Heh heh. Awwww, see? I got you to smile."

Cold! Too cold! Put my clothes back on, you big lug! 

"There - that should help you. Sweat pants, footy shirt....and the 5 blankets on the bed - that'll help you sweat this out. Come on, roll over - I'll cover you up."

Ahhhh. Warm. Mmmm. Sleep. 

"There...snug as a bug. I'm going to heat you up some soup. I'm not venturing off too far this time! Lord knows where you'll wander off to next time...the stables?"

Don't go...stay...

"Janie? Are you crying? Shhhh. I'm right here." Warm chest. Warm arm. Mmmm. Russell smell. 

"I know you feel bad. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere. Shhhhh. Go to sleep." 

Sleep. 

"Janie. Wake up. Time to eat. Come on, You've been asleep for 12 hours, baby. 

Gotta get something into that belly." 

No. I'm sleeping. Go away. 

"Sit up. Eat some of this soup for me." 

Mmmmm.. Smells good. Hungry....

"Open up. Yeah, that's it. Hey! Don't wrinkle your nose up at me. This is the best soup you'll ever put in your mouth, I'll have you know!

"Salt" she croaked. 

"Oh - I forgot. You like your food swimming in sodium." Devastating grin. "Be right back." 

I love that man. 

Janie exhaled audibly. If I only could bottle him. I would. 

In the car park of the hotel sat the gray automobile. Its occupant taking more notes and dialing the phone. 

Chapter 24

Russell was busy in the stables, whistling like one of the Seven Dwarves in a rendition of "Whistle While You Work". He held the curry comb in his hand as he worked on Honey's mane. Her thick silky mane reminded him of Janie's hair.

"Fuck me." he muttered in response to his chagrin at his arousal pushing against his jeans. Once again, he slipped back into his memories. His comforting yet tormenting slices of history with her only added to the evidence that he felt something deeper for her than just lust and the satisfaction of a good roll in the hay. His heart ached when he thought of her. Everything was so crystal clear to him now. Why it was muddled before was a mystery. All his desires in life were complete in Janie. From this moment forward, he realized, everything was meaningless unless he could share it with her. It had been a great while in his life before he found someone who felt like more than just the flavor of the week. He shamed himself for ignoring those feelings - those tugs at his conscience.

Deep sigh. "Oh well, fuck Mark, I'll just go into town by myself. I gotta get my mind on other things." 

Later, Terry caught Russ on his way out to the garage. "Want some company?" 

"Always!" He clapped his older brother on the shoulder let out a hearty giggle. 

"Let's go see what trouble we can get into!" 

Chapter 25

Mark had sat - literally - on the side of the road for hours. He hated himself for feeling this way. He hated letting his emotions get the best of him. Most of all, he hated not knowing what to do. The usual cool-headed contingent was both wound up to explode and teetering towards breaking into a thousand pieces.

"This is going to end - one way or another - as soon as possible." Mark wiped away angry tears on the sleeve of his shirt. 

He lifted himself off the dirt median and climbed back into his vehicle. Soon, he was headed back the way he came. The chirping of his cellular phone brought Mark out of his daze.

"Yeah?" 

"Mark - where the hell are you? Rusty's lookin' for you." It was Thomas - one of Mark's staff members. 

"I'll call him, Tom. Mate, I need a favor. I need you to find someone for me - and fast...." 

"Another round?" The young blonde waitress queried. Russell and Terry raced to see who could down their VB's the fastest. Terry slammed his can down first and shook his head at his baby brother.

"I taught you better'n that, Rusty..." 

To the perky waitress: "Yeah, darlin - we'll have one more for the road. I need to show this old man a thing or two" Russell winked at Terry.

"Kinda strange seein' ya without Mark around. Where is he? Gotta sheila, does he?" Russell's smile fell. 

"I don't know what Mark has going on right now. I haven't been able to raise him on the phone" he pressed Mark's quickdial number on his phone as he finished the last sentence. "Fuck" he muttered when the call rang into voicemail. He dialed another number and drummed his fingers on the table while gnawing on the inside of his mouth. Anyone could plainly see the cogs were turning with purpose there.

"Thomas? Where is Mark? No fucking about either, this is an emergency." 

Russell's brow furrowed as he listened. 

"What is it, Russ? Something bad happen?" Terry whispered. His curiosity piqued by Russell's distorted facial gestures. Rusty waved him off, shooting him an icy glare.

"Where the fuck is she, Thomas?" His voice dropped an octave and not much more than a teeth-clenched growl. Moments later, Russell slapped the cell phone shut and announced, "Come on, we're gonna find out what the fuck Mark is up to..."

Chapter 26

"Yes, what is your special today?" Janie asked the hotel restaurant waitress. 

"Grilled chicken over Fettuccini Alfredo and a salad." the middle-aged red-headed waitress replied. 

"Mmmm - that sounds wonderful. Could I have a glass of house white wine with that? Thanks." Janie watched the waitress walk away to the kitchen. She considered the woman for a few moments, penning a mental character outline and life history for future use in a novel. Smirking to herself, she was happy to feel closer to "normal".

The waitress brought Janie her wine and food.  She soon found herself lost in thought as she ate. 

I can't believe how good I feel - just from talking to someone. It's like someone releasing their tight grip on my neck...I can breathe.  I don't feel like I'm dancing in the dark...I can see the light...

"Janie." 

She froze. Stopped breathing. The sound of her wine glass shattering on the floor preceded the flash bulb that went off from behind Russell as he touched her shoulder. Janie could swear she heard a clap of thunder. She flinched and fell out of her chair as she was attempting to get to her feet. Russell pulled her up and hurried her along through the kitchen, out the rear door away from the paparazzi that had stealthily followed him inside.

Janie couldn't focus her eyes, everything was blurry and distorted. Russell leaned her gently up against the wall. She turned her head and retched up everything she had just eaten. The flash bulb kept blinding her again and again even though there were no photographers in sight.

"No - get away from me!!!" Janie screamed. "Get the fuck away from me and my sister! You're not our father! You are just some sicko!" She tried with all her might to wrench herself away from Russell. He tightened the grip on her arms.

"Janie - baby. It's me. It's Rusty. Your step-dad is gone. It's ok. Shhhhh." 

"Noooooooo! NO MORE PICTURES!!!! Janie made gestures as if she was trying to cover herself up. He eased her to the pavement, where she balled up into a fetal position. Tears welled up in Russell's eyes as the realization came crashing home. He knelt down and gathered her into his lap. Rocking her gently, he silently cried for her pain.

Mark busted through the rear exit to find this tender scene. Only this isn't what he "saw". 

"Get. The. Fuck. Away. From her, mate." 

Both Russ and Janie were yanked from their poignant moment by the edge in Mark's command. 

"Wha tha f...." 

"You heard me. Don't you think you've done quite enough, Russell?" Mark was balling and unballing his fists at his sides. Russell has never seen that wild glare aimed at him before. He was momentarily speechless.

"Mark..." a small voice breathed. Janie clutched onto Russell. "Mark don't leave me." 

"Janie - honey... It's Russ. Mark is here too." He pleaded to Mark with his eyes, attempting to make him understand the gravity of the situation.

Had it not been for her meek voice, he would have been unfazed by Russell's stare. He agreed to play along, "Janie, I'm here. What's wrong, baby?"

Russell's eyes narrowed at Mark. He did not like that term of endearment one bit. Not the way Mark said it. Janie hugged Russell tighter, "Mark...what have I done? What did we do?"

Silence. Russell and Mark were speaking a silent, age-old language between the two of them. Had Janie not been in Russell's arms, he would have clobbered Mark where he stood.

"Mate, it wasn't like that at all..." 

"Christ, Mark! Didn't waste any time, did ya? Did you root her the minute you got her home from the hospital?" Russell spit. 

"Nooooooo! It wasn't...no... Rusty-" Mark motioned to the precious cargo in Russell's arms, "Careful! Don't hurt..." 

"Fuck off, Mark." Russell attempted to stand upright while cradling Janie in his arms. Mark moved forward to help, but Russell was having none of it. A pain screamed in Rusty's shoulder and Janie's body began to slip. "Oh shit..."

"I got her - here..." Mark caught the upper portion of Janie's body and helped Russell stand. "I'll go get the SUV...wait here." 

Although all he wanted to do was rip the man's head off, Mark was his only help at that moment. He would deal with him...later. "Fine." Mark rushed off in the opposite direction.

"Mmmph. Mark?" 

"He's gone. He'll be right back...J-" 

"Mark - I am so sorry. I-" 

"It's ok Janie, it's not your fault." 

"Yes, it is. Too much to drink. Too lonely." Janie had opened her eyes and was looking straight at Russell, but was seeing Mark. At first, he was uncomfortable, listening to words that were meant for another...but his jealous curiosity won over better judgment. "Mark - put me down, I can stand. We need to talk about this..."

Russell complied, but he held her facing him, in case her knees buckled. 

"Janie..." 

"No - let me talk, Mark." She reached up and held his face in her hands. "You have been so good to me and I've taken advantage of it. Not only have I hurt you - but I've hurt Russell as well. I have to tell him, Mark. I have to. I can't live with the lie. Can you live with that?" Russell nodded. "My baby...our baby..." Russell gasped. His vision was swimming. "Mark? Are you ok? Did you not know?....oh Mark..." She hugged him and rubbed his back with her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it myself until recently. There is no way that could have been Russell's. Not that he was upset about that. That's not fair, is it? I shouldn't have said that. I just don't know what to do. That is why I took your advice and started seeing someone..."

"Seeing someone? Who?" angry voice. 

"A therapist. Seems like I have a few loose marbles rolling around in my noodle, eh? Don't fret - it's not because of you. Sadly enough I think there are some skeletons in the attic that ol' Janie just can't deal with on her own. I thought if I could help Janie... I mean...if I could deal with all these things, then maybe I could sit down and work things out with Russell. What do you think? Oh...you're afraid that Russell will be angry at you... I'm sure he'll pitch a fit - but I'll make him understand. I'll explain that it was all my fault. He wouldn't know what to do without you. Sheilas come and go - but you'll always be around, right?"

Janie began to yawn. "I am really tired, Mark. Can you take me home? I need to get a nap before I talk to Russell. God I miss him..."

Blinding light. The paparazzi caught up with the two of them. Flash bulbs were exploding left and right. "Mr. Crowe....Miss....Give us a smile..."

Janie's blood curdling scream stunned Russell momentarily and she shot off down the alley as if she were trying to outrun the devil himself. He ignored the pain in his lungs and side as he chased after her, but he was no match for her adrenaline rush.

Janie rounded the corner, out of Russell's sight. Hoping she had cornered herself in a dead end alley, he backed off his pace to stop and gasp for air.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. "Stupid bitch! Watch where the fuck you're going!" an angry driver shouted. 

"Janie - Noooooooooooo!" Russell madly bellowed upon the realization that the path she had taken was a thru street. He rounded the same corner and stood, frozen in horror as he watched Janie get hit by a delivery truck. The mystery person in the gray automobile was also witness to this scene. Trembling fingers wildly dialing the mobile phone for emergency assistance.

"Christ! What now?" Mark had to drive around the block to make it to the alley behind the restaurant, but was now stuck in this traffic jam. He couldn't understand what the hold up was. He exited the vehicle when he noticed all the pedestrians rushing to the front of the bob truck ahead in his lane of traffic.

"I didn't see her! She came from nowhere." the truck driver chanted, in a state of shock. 

"Someone call an ambulance!" 

"Phone the police!" 

"Does anyone know first response care?" 

Different voices emanating from the crowd. 

Mark was 6 feet away from the crowd, when he spied the tangled mass of black hair between the feet and legs of the onlookers. Looking back, he wouldn't remember a thing from that point until the next morning, but the papers reported that a man, who refused to be interviewed - as the hero who had the cool head and had taken charge of the situation and began performing CPR until the emergency personnel arrived.

Russell watched from the sidelines. He offered help, but Mark had insisted he get in the SUV so that he wouldn't attract attention. Russell refused, of course. Luckily, no one noticed he was there.

Chapter 27

"I have some terrible news. You will want to go ahead with your plans now, before it's too late..." The man in the gray automobile parked in the hospital carpark made the call he'd been dreading since early this morning. He'd had to scavenger and eavesdrop for details regarding Janie's condition to report back to his employer. No, this was not a good day at all.

Janie was in a private room at the end of a hallway, secured by members of Mark's staff. Mark and Russell had not spoken one word to each other since they had been at the hospital. Russell dozed in the chair beside Janie's bed. Had it not been for Mark, Janie would be at the morgue now. His mixed feelings towards Mark were eating him alive. He was eternally grateful to him for saving Janie, but....he had her - in the most intimate way...HIS way. She was his...

Mark woke with a groan. Sleeping in the back seat of the SUV wasn't the best thing for his back, he knew. But where else to go? Couldn't be in the same room with Rusty at the time, without hurting him, was his excuse. He regained his bearings and made his way inside the hospital to get and update. And to see Janie one last time before he left. For good.

Janie was resting as comfortably as possible, given her injuries. She had some brain swelling that concerned the doctor enough to consider putting her in a drug-induced coma until it receded. Her spinal cord was damaged and he wasn't sure if she would regain feeling below her neck. He had not shared this information with Russell, he just gave the standard "wait and see" spiel. It wasn't too far from the truth, really. It was a wait and see case, but he didn't see the need in upsetting her concerned parties until he had a chance to go over her injuries with a couple of peers.

Russell left the room to stretch his legs in the hallway while the nurses tended to Janie. She hadn't been cleaned up properly since the accident. Russell had been insisting that they take care of her as soon as they could so that when....WHEN Janie woke up, she wouldn't feel dirty.

While Russell was pacing back and forth, deciding on whether or not to go outside for a smoke, Mark appeared at the other end of the hallway. Russell's impulse to run to his friend, drop to his knees, and thank him for his help was stifled by his embarrassment at his jealous internal rage against Mark. He couldn't look him in the eye. Mark noticed this uneasy body language and decided against berating him for what happened to Janie. Now wasn't the time. He could say his peace later, before he left. He made the first move. "Any news?"

"No. The nurses are bathing her now." 

Awkward silence. 

"Mark, I..." 

"Russ..." They spoke at the same time. 

"Go ahead...sorry." 

"Mark, honestly - I don't know what to say. I have to tell you some things, but 

I'm such a fucking jealous bastard that I really don't know if I can get the words out." 

"S'okay, mate. You don't have to say anything. I've made my bed...now I gotta lay in it. No worries. Been a great run - you and I... It's time to move on."

Russ was steadily shaking his head no the entire time Mark spoke. 

"No, Mark. You don't understand. Janie told me....well you...everything." 

"What? You aren't making sense, Rusty. Have you slept?" Even in the tensest of moments, Mark was trying to look out for him, he noticed. Russell took a deep breath.

"Janie was confused and a bit delusional. She thought I was you and she related the whole story. She said it was her fault and you weren't to blame."

"Takes two to tango, mate. I wasn't forced." Mark said matter-of-factly. Russell began to understand Mark's defensiveness and his willingness to take the heat. He supposed he would do the same if the situation was reversed. He also realized how hard this must be for Mark - to be the other man.

"True, Mark. I can't say that I'm thrilled about it, but these are some really extenuating circumstances, eh? I'm not about to give up these years of friendship over my pride and you shouldn't either. I can hear Janie now, berating me for being such a self-centered ass..." They both chuckled and Mark knew he was right.

"I dunno. I have a lot to think about, Rusty, you know?" 

"Take some time off - however long it takes. I need to do the same." 

"But...what about Janie?..." 

"Excuse me...Mr.Crowe? Mr. Dumbrell?" They both whipped around and gave the nurse their undivided attention. "Janie is awake. She has been asking for the both of you. We've buzzed the doctor." They hastened into the room to either side of the bed.

For someone with an uncertain future, she sure looked serene and at peace, Mark noticed. Her voice was hoarse and low. They had to lean in to hear her. "I can't feel anything, so the two of you holding my hands isn't doing any good," she quipped. Crocodile tears were rolling down both the faces of these virile, manly men.

"Janie..." 

"Shhh, Rusty. Let me speak. My time here is short-" Mark gasped and put his head down on the bed and sobbed. "There there. It's alright. Everything will be fine.

It's gone, you know? The black spot in my head..." 

Mark lifted his head slowly and stared at Russell. He could tell Russell was thinking the same thing. She wasn't right in the head, was she?

"Must have been the therapist. Like opening a flood gate. The memories. The remembering. So hard at first. I'm so sorry..." 

"Janie. Sorry for what, luv? You couldn't help it....wasn't your fault..." Russell cooed. 

"You don't get it. I was damaged, Rusty. I forgot. There was two of me trying to take care of me. Confusing, yes. Step-dad did horrible things to me - took pictures. Did the same to my little sister. I killed him. I blocked it out. I shouldn't have gotten involved with you...or you Mark. It wasn't fair. I was watching myself doing it, but couldn't stop myself..."

"No worries, Janie. Everything will be apples now." Mark commented "Rusty and I will take care of you. Just wait, you'll see." Mark knew he was lying through his teeth; he just couldn't stand seeing Janie shoulder so much responsibility.

"Mark. Always the caretaker. That is why I love you. You've been the bestest best friend to me. Even with what I put you through." Her gaze shifted to Russell. "You will always be the love of my life, even though I tried to deny it. Deny that I needed or cared about anyone as much as I do you." Russell crushed her hand against his cheek and leaned in to place a kiss on her pale lips.

"One promise." 

"What? Janie?" Mark asked. 

"I need one promise from both of you." 

"Anything," they said in unison. 

"Be there for each other. Don't let me or anyone else come between you two - ever." 

"Promise." 

"We promise." 

"I'm tired now. I needed to hear those words before I rested." 

The doctor entered the room and asked the men to leave while he examined her. 

Chapter 28

Russell and Mark had a frank heart-to-heart while the doctor was tending to 

Janie. Many unflattering comments were made and heavy hearts were relieved. They agreed on a new start as friends and business partners. They would need each other to lean on with the news that the doctor was about to give.

"Gentlemen. Can we go somewhere to talk?" The color drained from their faces. 

The serious demeanor could only mean bad news. 

"Sure." Russell spoke up for Mark. The doctor led them outside to a secluded picnic area. 

"I'll not mix words, the prognosis is bleak. I don't believe that the damage she suffered to her spinal cord will ever be healed. She will be paralyzed from the neck down. Her brain swelling has increased. I need to place her in a drug-induced coma. I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do, but it's a sit-and-wait game." Mark and Russell were as still as statues.

"Is there anything we can do? To prepare for this change?" Typical Mark. Wanting to be prepared - to have all his ducks in a row, Russell thought. Good onya, mate.

"Right now, patience is the key. If we get the brain swelling down, we can concentrate on getting her body healed enough to leave the hospital. She'll need 24 hour care..."

"WHEN we get the swelling down, she will live at the farm with me and-" 

"Russell - don't you think she'd rather live at her new place? Don-" 

"Mark I..." he stopped mid-sentence and backed down, "think that may be a good idea." 

14 months later

It was touted as the wedding of the century. Everyone who was anyone was flown into New Zealand to attend the nuptials. No expense was spared. A bloody good time was had by all.

Following the post-wedding bash, Mr. and Mrs. Crowe boarded the private jet to an undisclosed destination for an extended honeymoon and sabbatical. Russell had entered a new season of his life. With this marriage he vowed to live each moment as if it were his last and refrain from taking even the littlest thing for granted. Part of him felt like he owed it to Janie. After all, he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. He stared out the oval plane window and a gentle smile played on his lips.

"I know what you're thinking about. I'm thinking the same thing..." her soft voice announced. 

"I just hope that I can live up to the promises I made. My path is clear and unobstructed now. I can't muck this up," Russell sighed as he kissed his bride's hand.

"You won't - I trust you. I love you, Mr. Crowe." 

"And I love you, Miz Crowe. Danielle Crowe - it does have a nice ring to it-" 

Dani and Russ lost themselves in a passionate kiss. One of many to come.

Epilogue

Janie's injuries were too much for her frail body to handle. The doctors opted not to place her in a drug induced coma as planned. Janie knew she was nearing the end as her body became more and more weak with each passing day. She requested that Mark send for Danielle, but would not explain why.

Before the end, she had conversations with Russell, Mark, and Danielle separately. No one divulged the contents of the meetings with the other or anyone else, but it was speculated that Janie asked Dani to take care of Russell and to overlook his shortcomings. Some say that Janie asked Mark and Russell to forget her and move on, while others like to think that she declared her love to Mark. Whatever was said, the three of them were different people after Janie's passing.

Most would agree that their change was for the better. 

What of the mysterious person in the grey automobile?  A private investigator working for Janie's mother.  The mother who waited too late.