I can be so stupid sometimes... and when I say "sometimes"...

Just tell me why I had to challenge on his own ground a man who has spent most of his life in a country covered with snow and ice?

I still can hear me: "I spent part of my childhood in the French Alps and was a rather good skier, you know? I assume that you are too. You don't only skate, do you?  You know what? I challenge you on a black piste. Of course, you'd have the advantage of the weight over me... if you can make it until the bottom of the piste, that is! ..."

And his answer: "Ski? Of course I can ski. I'm fast and strong...and I hate to lose... you realise that you just got yourself a challenge there... name your prize... winner takes all..."

And that was it! This is the perfect example of how a silly girl can put herself in a mess in only few minutes!

And then the prizes... Oh dear, the prizes !...I got myself more and more deeply into stupidity by asking him to do Christmas shopping with me while I was, in reality, dreaming of a much more personal prize that could please us both... But I knew that's what he was expecting too, and wanted to surprise him, to tease him... Yeah, to tease a bear... good idea, girl!

I wanted surprise? Well, I've not been disappointed when I asked him about his prize. Just before he answered, Gaia showed us that picture! It was good! I'm still laughing when I think about it. But it was one more thorn in our dear polar bear paw.

Oh, John smiled all right when he saw it... but when I saw this spark in his eyes, I knew I was in trouble. 

"Naked in a snow hill." Here was his answer. His prize. I was in it up to my neck... and I'm not speaking about snow here... yet !

During the following week, I couldn't help getting deeper in that sh...em, in what I was then. By teasing him again and again. But he always stayed calm and sure of himself. When I proposed him to "negotiate", he refused but, Grand Seigneur, proposed me to back out of it. Many sensible girls would have happily... and wisely taken the hand he offered me to get out of that mess. Any sensible girl... but not me! Stupid proud me kept walking with her head held high, straight to this snow hill of shame. I would win, no problem!...Yeah, sure, I would. Nobody could possibly believe that, not even me! My apparent self confidence didn't even seem to worry him a single second. 

So, during that week, I thought constantly about that. Each time I closed my eyes, I could see that snow hill, feel the biting cold on my bare skin... I mean, each time I closed my eyes to sleep. The other times, my favourite teddy bear, the same one who was also responsible for that possible nightmare, kept me warm in the meantime... but I'm wandering from the point.

In the Pub, on one evening, while talking with the girls, came the idea that, maybe, we could help fate a little. Yes, I know, there's a less nice way to say it: "cheating". I've never been too much into that before but it was out of question that I ended this trip buried nude in the snow, no way! First, because I just hate cold. And also because, swimming in your birthday suit in a secluded lagoon of Hawaii during full summer, in your lover's arms and surrounded with friends, is one thing... but doing it alone in the snow, during winter, in one of the most famous resort of Europe was a totally different matter!

Zermatt was a wonder, a beautiful place with so much exciting things to do and to see. As soon as we could, we spent some time on the slopes and what I saw there didn't reassure me at all for the race. That man was born on skis! I was glad though to see a glint of surprise in his eyes, after our first descent. I was a little rusty but haven't really forgotten all these years spent on skis when I was a kid, then, from time to time again, when life drove me away from the Alps and made me settle at the seaside but not very far from the Pyrenees Mountains. Surprised, I can say he was. I think I could even read some... maybe not really admiration, but respect in his eyes. Ah, his eyes... there's so much that I can read in his eyes. Even when he's teasing me, there's always love in them... or maybe it's my own love for him that I can see reflected in there?

Anyway. I'm getting lost in details, once more... but there's worse fate than getting lost in those eyes, believe me... Stop it now, girl! Back to the subject... yes, the subject...(people say that the best way to reach a point is the straight line... for me, the best one is the one that I enjoy the most)

Our first day in Zermatt has been a real dream. Besides testing the slopes, we enjoyed as much activities as we could, mostly with our friends. We have had a wonderful evening and part of the night decently celebrating Terry's birthday (hem, "decently" may not be the most accurate word for that... and for us, but, we can't change what we are, can we? And certainly don't want to!) Then, John and I celebrated these vacations more privately in this wonderful and luxurious bedroom. The perspective of the challenge for the next day just fired us up. He's been both wild and tender, and... Hey! What am I doing? I've always said I won't kiss and tell! I haven't changed my mind. All you need to know is that it was... it was... amazing! Sigh... Now that I think of it, I wonder how either of us could ski on the next day... But enough on this! There's no question of me telling you more! I said I would tell the race, but that doesn't include what happened in that bedroom the night before... I agree with John on that: "What's done in the room stays in the room!"

If you want to know more, well... you have a fertile imagination don't you? Come on, I know you have! Well, just use it and, whatever you can imagine, you'll be far below reality... but may be am I bragging here?... Just a little.

On the morning, he'd been so tender that I was almost ashamed of what I was going to do to him during the race: cheating with our friends to make him lose this bet. I was not so sure that I wanted to see a loser's look on his handsome face. Him, the big strong captain of a hockey team from Alaska, being beaten on his own ground by a small girl from the Mediterranean seaside! Did I really want that...? But, when we went outside and I saw him look at a large snow hill behind the hotel, then look at me with a big knowing smile on his face, so self-confident and seeming to already enjoy my shame (and my cold!)... my hesitations and remorse were all of a sudden swept away and I was more determined than ever to win that race. At any price. It was out of the question that I went naked into that snow. I would soon wipe away that smug smile from his face... I love him so much... (hey, where did that come from?) 

Motivation, concentration. Don't look at him anymore. He's not your lover, the one who makes you feel like a women, who makes you feel protected, wanted, loved, but also the one you want to protect from anybody and anything that could hurt him, the one who wants you to be, someday, the mother of his children... STOP IT! Today, he's not any of that... today, he's... the one that you absolutely need to beat, the one you're going to fight merciless!

I avoided his eyes all the time we spent alone together in this cable cabin to reach the top of the black piste we had chosen together. He tried to distract me, to tickle me, to kiss me, wanted me to watch the view... in a word: to make me lose my concentration, the bastard! I pushed him away but he never seemed to be tired of trying again and again. Didn't he need to concentrate? I did! He seemed so sure of himself and his abilities... and the worse was that he had any rights to be so ... Stupid challenge! Stupid pride! Stupid girl! I didn't want him to see that I was worried, but I knew he knew, he can read me so easily...it sure didn't help!

When we went out of the cable car, he became suddenly serious, took my hand firmly, not in play mode anymore, obviously in command mode and not in the mood to be disobeyed... But I was so surprised by his sudden change of behaviour and worried by that race and its outcome that I didn't even resist. He dragged me into a quiet corner behind the cable car cabin and kissed me fiercely, possessively. I lost track of time. In fact, I lost any contact with reality then. There was so much in that kiss. All these things he wouldn't tell me with words: reassurance, worry, tenderness, power... love. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that's the way it was, the way it felt. And he held me as if he was never going to let me go, to confirm, both to me and to himself, if needed, that whatever we could do, whatever could happen, I was his. I think I sent him back the same message. I think he received it.

As quick at it had started, it stopped and he just walked away without one word, leaving me there, panting, alone, in that freezing wind. I felt suddenly so lonely, so cold, deprived of the warmth of his strong embrace, of the closeness of his kind heart.

Before disappearing at the corner of the cabin, he turned round at last, and winked, mouthing at me: "I love you"...

I just love that man!

But then, he pointed a finger at a snow hill there and winked again at me, a nasty little smile playing with the corner of his mouth...

I just hate that man! 

"Thanks chéri," did I think, "that's just what I needed to get my mind back to the competition again". I was going to show him... and all these strong men, what we, weak women, are capable of.

"I won't go naked in any snow hill, you hear me?" I shouted at him... in my mind because he was already gone and I was still left speechless, both by his incredible kiss and by this incredible man himself, this so serious and crazy man. My man. Ice and fire.

I tried to put myself together again and walked, or rather, half slid to the starting place. He was already there, calmly putting his skis on. He didn't even look at me. He was in concentrated-hockey-player (meaning "predator") mode and I was nothing else for him now but the opposing team... at least, that's how it looked to me. I was a little destabilised. I needed reassurance and comfort again just before this uneven race, I needed a big bear hug. But the only person I wanted it from was precisely the one who was going to be my opponent in this race... Of course, I would have died rather than show him any of these feelings then, but I felt empty, lonely, lost.

And then, I saw all our friends along the piste: Marie was waving at me with enthusiasm and shouted cheering words that the wind couldn't carry all the way to me; she was too far down the slope. I waved back with a smile. She'd been such a support to me. Many other friends were there. Just what I needed to cheer me up.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned round to meet Bou's quiet stance. She just smiled at me and that, added to that bunch's noisy presence along the piste was enough. I knew then that I was not alone anymore. I could count on our friends... my friends. Everybody was cheering now, men and women, it was so confused. I don't know who they were cheering on, probably the men on John and the girls on me, logically. The old same story of the world: men and women loving each other but never missing a chance to fight each other. John didn't seem to notice any of this, already in the race, concentrated, focused. Bou whispered in my ear: "Keep your focus on the goal. Only the goal" When I turned again to thank her, a smile on my lips, she was already gone.

Just before the start, I saw Ann coming close to John who was not paying attention to anybody, frowning in concentration, his eyes focused on the slope, very quiet, very still. He didn't see her coming. She planted a big kiss on his lips... I think she even put her tongue in his mouth and I may have been shocked if I was not so amused by the look on his face! He sure enjoyed it very much but was also very much surprised and I saw him look discreetly at me out of the corner of his eyes, not very sure about my reaction... so much for his concentration! She smiled at him and wished him good luck, then winked at me, mouthing at me: "You win that race, girl!" and moved her head in John's direction to draw my attention to him.  All his concentration was gone, that's sure! I couldn't help laughing and winked back at her... Ann! Brave girl! Such a good friend!

... But wait... Ann couldn't be here, she was still there in the Pub, she didn't come with us on this trip and I couldn't make her change her mind. How could that be possible? Just when I was realising that, I could hear a sugary voice in my ears: "Want me to kiss you good luck, little snow flake?"... SID ! But when I turned to push him away, he was nowhere around... and neither was Ann anymore...

Immediately after that, Paul gave us the starting signal. What did just happen had sure shaken John's concentration and I should have taken the advantage, but it had disturbed me too... and he was better than I am at getting all his attention back to the race again, so he made a better start. And boy, he was fast, very fast. But I was not doing too bad myself and was not that far behind him.

Our friends' small coloured figures who had been waving at us got bigger and, when John was not very far from them, Bou yelled: 'Game on!" to get his attention, and they simply all showed him their backs...but also their naked backsides! It was the weirdest moonrise I'd ever seen on this beautiful snowy landscape! I thought that would be the kind of postcard I'd like to send to our friends who couldn't make this trip with us: Ann, Cort, Esme, Sheila, Eris, Scarlet and Hando, Carol and Zack, and all the others. I wish I had more time to enjoy that sight. Although I didn't have time enough to identify each bum,  I remembered who was in the group I saw from the top of the piste before we started : Marie and Bud, for sure, Wildie and East, Jeff, and even Tulip, who was unsure about it the day before, had Egan mooning at her side and laughing like a kid. As clever Marie had planned, it made John somewhat lose his equilibrium for a while. I was laughing so hard that I almost missed the chance to take advantage of his surprise. But I had a race to win and I couldn't let it run away from me. I took the lead. His surprise didn't last long. The man is good, very good. I could hear him still laugh but he regained quickly his self-control and was at once on my heels.

Then, we were alone. Him and me. Just the two of us. I could feel his strong presence few meters behind me and I also could feel his determination. God, that man sure is a winner and I can understand how he remained leader of his team in the Saturday game during such a long time! I could hear only the crunching of the skis on the snow, mine... but also his; he was so close. And the wind in my ears. It was a strange sensation to be sliding at top speed on that slope, alone with a man I love with all my heart... and that I was fighting right now with all that same heart.

We arrived at the wall. It was frozen. Wall, frost and bumps were a mixture that has never done any good to me. It had been a long time since I last skied a black piste, and I don't remember I ever did it that fast before. After a series of big frozen bumps, I think my right leg must have had an argument with my left one, they just decided to go their separate way, preferably in opposite direction. It seemed very obvious that falling was now just a matter of seconds for me. I was on the verge of falling...I would have fallen... if a big strong arm, coming from nowhere hadn't grabbed me just in time and lifted me up (how did he do that?)

It seemed to convince my legs to make their peace with each other and work together again. I had been so concentrated on the frozen bumps that I had almost forgotten about him. I prepared my nicest smile to thank him, but he rushed past me, without even a look.

I slid on his tracks but was far behind him when we entered a narrow passage. No zigzag possible here. It was fast, very fast, and silent. The hills flashed on each sides of the slope. I could see John far ahead, sliding like the wind. His figure looked so fine on the snow, so male, so... "Keep your focus on the goal. Only the goal." Bou's wise words echoed in my mind again. I struggled to keep my mind away from the beloved figure that was obviously beating me in that race.

When we were in the middle of the passage, I looked up and thought I could see Uma on the edge of one hill and wondered if it was not a hallucination. What was she doing there alone in the middle of nowhere? But suddenly, an avalanche of snowballs fell from everywhere, most of the missiles falling very close to one stunned John. I think I could see Maximus, Terry, Jack, Angel, Andy, McKenna, Alex, Maxie, Colin. I saw Dino aiming at me but he never threw the snowball, I guess it was to tease Heather who was doing her best to stop him from doing it. Sweet Heather! It made me smile... those two! The big smile that was on my lips from the very moment when the first snowball flew, got sadder when I thought that Cassie and Lachlan were probably not having fun like the others. Uma threw a bunch of flowers at John shouting at him: "Go champion!" The flowers fell just in front of him and he had to make a violent effort to avoid them. Then, she waved and winked at me shouting: "Go Clarity, go!" Dear, dear Uma! I'm not sure who our friends' snowballs were aimed at, sometimes at John or at me, sometimes at each other, they've had a snowball battle on the morning and they sure had a revenge to take on each others. But it was enough to slow him down, surprised once more by all this, while I had been warned that "odd things would happen during that race" and I was always on my guard. I jumped on the opportunity that was offered to me once more, and took the lead again.

But not for long. That slope was long, so long, and steep. I was tired, still determined but tired. My stubborn mind was ordering my exhausted body to shut up and go on as fast as it could. But I could feel it obeying less and less. And John, who seemed as fresh as when we started, soon took the lead once more. At a bend of the piste, I could see the finishing line down there, still far away but the fact that I could see it made it real and helped me to regain a little energy. I had to hold on few minutes more. Come on, just a little more! My body was aching everywhere now, every muscle screaming in pain for the violent and sustained effort... and I was cold now, both cold and sweating. All I could see from John was his back, and his hair floating from under his cap. I was probably beaten now. But I wouldn't give up. No way! I wanted to finish what I had started. But it was painful, so painful. Even my lungs ached each time I breathed this cold air.

Suddenly, from behind a hill on the side of the slope, appeared another figure, on skis this one. It was a weird figure, wearing a white coat with long white fur. The figure stopped few meters ahead of John and waved a big yellow sign: "Watch for ice"... I got it... the sign, the white fur...it was Gaia ! "Bears and ice...beware!" John was so surprised again that he missed a bend and had to make a slight detour to get back to the piste. I tried not to laugh too hard and asked my exhausted body for a last effort to try and take the lead again.

But I was too tired, I just didn't see a bump... and down I went in a very nice shower of snow, you know, like in one of the pictures that Terry showed us. I rolled a while on myself down the slope, seeing alternatively white, blue, white, blue (snow, sky, snow, sky). And, when I stopped, obviously and fortunately unhurt, it was to see John passing in front of me, checking quickly out of the corner of his eye that I was alright, then sliding like a rocket... to the finish.

This time, I could only admit it: I was well and truly beaten. But I strangely didn't mind anymore, I had done my best and, even with our friends' valuable and imaginative help, nobody could beat that snow man... at least, I could not. His superiority on anything involving snow or ice was evident. He deserved to win. And here, on my butt, every part of me wet with the snow that had seeped inside my clothes when I fell, my skis, gloves, sunglasses and everything scattered around me on the snow, freezing, exhausted, I felt at peace. There was no shame for me in losing that race; it had been his anyway, from the very beginning to the end. I was just going to enjoy watching this wonderful man of mine win that race, with a tired but happy, proud smile on my face.

Our friends had rented snow-bikes to reach the bottom of the slope quicker and so as not to miss the finish. They were all there, cheering, along with people from the resort. Some were cheering on John who would soon be the winner, it was just a matter of seconds, and others were encouraging me to stand up. It even seems to me that most of them were doing both. What could I do, with no skis on, no stamina left, no brain anymore... no nothing, just eyes to watch my champion win that race, his race, and my heart to beat for him. But, to everybody's great surprise, mine too, John stopped suddenly at a few meters of the finishing line. My smile froze (along with every other part of my already frozen body).  Everybody became suddenly silent. What was going on? Was he having problems? Health problems? After all, he was not used anymore to such an effort either... Had it been too much for him too? Was his big generous heart playing tricks on him?... OH NO, please, not that!...

Then, slowly, calmly, he made an about-turn and skied back to the place where I was sitting. His face was inscrutable, his eyes were focused on mine. My mouth and my eyes were wide open with astonishment. What was he up to? Then, I thought I understood.

"No, no, I'm fine, John, I'm not hurt. Go ahead, go back there and win this race! Do it. Do it for me! Please..."

He didn't say anything, just kept looking intensely at me. He was so serious. It was almost scaring. I still didn't get it. Then, he threw his poles away, picked me up from the snow, as if I weighted nothing, and started to ski slowly back to the end of the piste, carrying me in his arms. My instinctive reaction was to snuggle up to him where I felt warm, comfortable, safe. I couldn't believe that he was doing that! Few meters before the finish, he slowed down again, almost to a stop, looked into my eyes, look at the line, back to my eyes, and I could see then the most wonderful smile I've ever seen (I think that each time I see him smile) lighten his whole face and make his eyes sparkle. And then he kissed me, slowly, tenderly.

I can't remember clearly about it... I wasn't myself anymore. But I think that it's how we went together through the finishing line, to the great cheering of our enthusiastic friends and public that barely reached my mind through the haze of exhaustion mixed with absolute happiness.