The moment he whispered the words into my ear then I knew. It doesn't matter if he is malicious or evil or trying to cause trouble. Of course he is. But the thing is he doesn't lie. He just uses the truth against us. I can hate him all I like but it doesn't change anything. Lachlan had let me down in the worst way and I was simply devastated.

To make matters worse, SID's little revelation was perfectly timed - for him. We had called into the pub early to get the coach to the airport for the Zermatt trip. What had begun with a group of happy and excited friends off for a rather luxury weekend in that beautiful ski resort, had already become a nightmare for me. Three whole days surrounded by other people having fun while I had to sit on the news that Lachlan had been seeing another woman behind my back.

Lachlan was his usually cheery self, loading luggage and making jokes, chatting up the ladies and teasing the men. It's one of the things that I love most about him that he is so at ease with people and they respond to his sweet nature. But now I see that it is only an act. Underneath he is capable of a calculated breach of trust with such a convincing ability to lie that it quite took my breath away.

How could he have come from her bed to mine without a moment's hesitation? The thought made me want to throw up.

On the journey to the airport, I sat alone staring out of the window while Lachlan wandered up and down the aisle chatting to people. He eventually sat down but I pretended to have dozed off. It was an early morning start and he didn't disturb me until we neared the airport when he gently shook me awake. His behaviour was tender, almost convincing, and it felt like a knife in my heart.

"Come on, sleepy head. We're here. Take your time."

Through check in and the hanging about the departure lounge I was quiet and I could see he was beginning to get a little concerned. At the coffee bar, he asked me: "You feeling alright? You're very subdued."

"I'm fine. Just tired," I snapped back impatiently. He frowned and bit his lip. 

From then on he seemed to be watching me. Let's face it. He's guilty. So he must be wondering if my frosty treatment means that I know. Well, let him work it out. Stew in it awhile.

"Hey, Cass. You're quiet. What's up?" Uma joined us as we were filing onto the plane.

"Nothing. Just tired. I'm not a morning person," I lied hoping she would move on. I saw her look at Lachlan who gave a non-committal shrug. Then I wondered about her. She knows everything that goes on. And this concerned a member of her staff. If Lachlan had left with her then she would have seen it. God knows, Sheila's probably been giving her the whole story. Was I the only one in the dark? Were people laughing at me behind my back?

Andy sidled up to Uma then and took her hand luggage. She smiled at him and joked about its weight. They forgot about me as they found their seats and he eased the vanity into the overhead compartment. I handed mine to Lachlan who stowed it neatly and then indicated for me to take the window seat. I did. Belted up, I took out a magazine and pretended to read. He sat down and picked up a newspaper, burying his head in it. We must have looked like two strangers.

To make it worse, everyone else was in fine spirits, the whole party seated by us. There is nothing worse than having to listen to everyone else being jolly when you are feeling down.

I kept that up all of the way over. Lachlan asked me once or twice what was up; I said nothing. He grunted and ignored me, finally shifting over to a spare seat next to Andy and the two of them talked sport most of the rest of the way over.

It was easy to get lost amongst the crowd as we took our transfers to the station and the train to the idyllic resort. I chatted listlessly to some of the women who were all so beside themselves with excitement that they didn't notice my decided lack of enthusiasm. Lachlan kept his distance. That hurt even though I couldn't bear him around. But everyone else seemed to be in pairs, women hanging off their men who were teasing and sneaking kisses and intimate moments. This place was going to be Love Central. And Lachlan and I were like spectres at the feast.

Everyone made a beeline for their rooms; it was mid afternoon and although the more adventurous - or unattached - seemed to want to explore the slopes or wander round the village, most seemed more interesting in exploring the bedrooms. I unpacked while Lachlan lay on the bed and read the hotel information folder. Neither of us spoke.

When I was done, I picked up a robe and decided to have a bath. Running the taps on the deep tub in the luxurious bathroom, I emptied in some fragrant foam bath and busied myself, largely ignoring him. His temper must have been wearing thin for he blocked my way as I was gathering my beauty products and stood, hands on hips.

"Am I going to get the silent treatment all weekend, or were you planning on telling me exactly what I'm supposed to have done?" He started.

I brushed past him and walked into the bathroom. "Work it out, Casanova!"  I slammed the door and locked it.

He shouted. "Cass? I want an answer. NOW!"

I did not reply.

"CASS!!! Open the bloody door!" He hammered on it.

"GO AWAY!" I screamed back.

"Fine. Suits me. Right then....stay there all day for all I care---I'm off out-"

That made me open the door. As he stormed across the room towards the main door, throwing on his fleece and gloves, I ran out and screamed after him. "That's right---just walk out! Pretend that you're so innocent, just like you always do! Sometimes I just HATE you!"

He stopped long enough to hear what I had to say, dragged the door open and strode out, slamming it hard behind him. I followed him and kicked it, hopping back into the bathroom and collapsing on a heap on the loo seat and bursting into tears. Were we going to spend the entire weekend at each other's throats?

Dinner was pretty bad although we both used the presence of others to mask the reality. We ate and drank - probably too much - went through the motions in public but it was clear a showdown was imminent. When he had walked back in earlier that evening, we had both got dressed in silence - he took a shower while I got ready and then I sat with my back to him reading a book (or pretending to) so that I did not have to watch him dress. When he was ready, I just snatched my jacket and sailed through the door with him following behind. But I had seen the droop of his shoulders as I had passed him. He was hurting.

Good. I was hurting too.

After dinner we followed the crowd to a nightclub and dragged out the agony some more. Then back to the room, reluctance obvious to anyone who had bothered to look. But the others didn't.

"I'm not sleeping in the same bed as you tonight..." It was the first remark I had addressed directly to him all night.

He shrugged as if he didn't care. "Do what you like. Go sleep in the bath. Just keep the fuck away from me, right?"

I slept on the couch with a blanket dragged off the bed and one pillow. It was a fairly comfortable seat but just a bit too short for me, so I had to curl up awkwardly. I was so mad. I mean - why didn't he sleep there? Imagine letting me have the couch and not even offering? He just stripped off to his shorts, threw himself into bed and appeared to go straight off. I spent half the night lying there, crying and freezing. By morning I was stiff, cold and even angrier.

It was at breakfast when we got to the point when neither of us could hold it in anymore. Terry must have observed something because he made some comment about it being frosty on our table. I had had enough. "Piss off, Terry," I snapped back and stood up, knocking over the tea cups. Lachlan jumped up and told me to act civil. I told him to go fuck himself and ran for the elevators, leaving everyone open-mouthed.

We started on each other in the elevator. "What's biting you? You just bloody tell me now! I've had enough of you and your temper tantrums-" Lachlan began.

"Me? You bloody well know what's the matter!" I shouted back, launching myself out of the lift at our floor and running for the room, Lachlan in hot pursuit.

"Know? All I know is you've had a face on you that would turn milk sour since yesterday. Is this some woman thing? Time of the month?"

"WHAT?" I screamed. "TIME OF THE MONTH? HOW DARE YOU!"

"Then what am I supposed to have done? At least tell me!" he roared back.

I stared at him in disbelief. "You slept with Sheila."

Silence. He opened his mouth to answer, went pale and then shut his mouth again. Guilty. I knew it!

"So, you're not even going to defend yourself, eh?"

"Jesus..." Lachlan ran his hand through his hair and paced up and down. "Listen, Cassie.....it's not what it seems..."

"You slept with her."

"Well, not exactly-"

"What do you mean? Not exactly? You either did or you didn't!" I exclaimed.

He took a deep breath and put his hand on my arm. I shrugged it off. "I did sleep with her. Sleep. Nothing else. Fell asleep on her bed. Talking."

I eyed him up. "Fully dressed?"

He winced. "At first. But---I woke up and stripped down to my shorts. Climbed in. Cass, it was cold! Four in the morning. I was tired."

I screamed, my hands on my head. "You are trying to tell me that for some reason you go to her place and chat with her on her bed until you both fall asleep and then you strip off and climb in and NOTHING HAPPENED? I know you! You've never woken up without a hard on in your life. And I don't suppose Sheila's ever let one go unattended either!"

"That is not fair. I told you nothing happened. Don't you believe me? When have I ever lied to you?" He sounded wounded, but I was beginning to wonder if he was just good at acting the innocent. I wasn't falling for that.

"I don't know - you tell me! Maybe loads of times. You certainly carried this one off. You said you were working that night!"

"I was. I got back late and---Cass, you just have to believe me. I can't say anymore."

That was it. "What? Can't say any more? Like hell you can't. What you mean is you don't want to say anymore. In case you incriminate yourself."

"I was at Sheila's. She had a problem and I helped her. She told me things and I promised her I'd keep them to myself. Cass, I can't break a trust. It was personal-"

"PERSONAL? What am I then? I'm your girlfriend. Don't I have any rights? How come you can't break a promise to her but you can break one to me-"

"When have I ever broken a promise to you?" he asked me, grabbing me by the upper arms. "Go on, tell me. When?"

I pushed him away. "--When you sleep with another woman! If we are in love, that's like a promise. That we be faithful to each other. Why am I having to spell this out? Thought you were the one with all the moral integrity and I was just a promiscuous modern girl? Or is it only women who have to be faithful in your 1940s worldview?"

At that he swore under his breath and took a step forward; he looked very angry. I had never seen him like this. "Faithful? Morals? You're the one giving a blow job to Grant in a car. Didn't seem to worry you then that you had a boyfriend!" He roared at me.

"Zack? What are you talking about? That was months ago. I'd just met you! We'd had a few dates but---I wasn't your girlfriend as such-"

"Bull. We'd slept together by then. What does that make you? Or am I to assume you were just a tart I'd picked up?"

He was pushing his luck now. "Zack was then. Things have changed. We got close. Lach - remember Hawaii? The cave? You think I do that sort of thing with just any man? I thought we were lovers. In love. Now you tell me you've been bitter about me and Zack all along. Now you're implying that I am just a little tart that you've been hanging round with. Is that what you really mean?"

His eyes narrowed. "I fucked you the first night. On the roof. In public. How many decent girls behave like that?"

I slapped his face hard. "You bastard! You bastard! You and your precious Lil did enough shagging outdoors - but I suppose it's different for you-"

I saw his face harden at my coarse reference to his love for Lil. That is a no-go area. I had just gone there. "Don't dare mention Lil in the same breath as you and Zack! That was---you don't know what it was like. There was a war on. People had so little left for themselves-"

"--She was married and she gave it out to you. And you took it. So where does that lie in your little league table of sin?"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" he shouted. Lachlan was so angry that I swear if he had been any other man he would have hit me. A part of me was knowingly goading him. I'm pretty ashamed about that. He grabbed his jacket, hat and gloves.

"Lach....if you want me to trust you then you have to tell me your side of the story. Tell me what happened with Sheila if you say that it was all innocent!"

He avoided my eyes. "I can't tell you. I won't tell you. You believe me or you don't - based on my word. That's important. I made a promise to someone and I'm keeping it."

"Unless you explain, how can you expect me to believe this cock-eyed story? You owe me more than her. Would you risk losing me for her? How does that make me feel?"

"Maybe like a woman who trusts me?" He sighed deep. "What's the point talking to you anyway? You've already made your mind up. Judge and jury. You don't trust me. I did not have sex with Sheila. You have to believe me on that -because that is all I am prepared to tell you about that night. Trust me. We can't have a relationship without trust -"

"TRUST? You're the one who's just told me what a tart I am. You don't trust me, do you?"

He hesitated before he spoke and then he went for it. Softly, almost sadly, he muttered, "No. Not really."

I took a gasping breath. Did I really give off that vibe? Since we had really 'fallen in love' as I thought, I have just done everything I could for him. What was I not doing that he wanted? How could I have read what he was saying to me so wrongly? I began to think of all the times when we had quarreled or I had gone off and done my own thing because he wasn't interested in my interests. Had he been thinking then that I was just marking time with him? Seeing other men?

Didn't he know that he was the love of my life? I thought I had told him often enough. I thought I had shown him. How do you ever know what is really in another person's mind whatever they say or do?

We just stared at each other then, the fight gone out of us. "I suppose then that's it, isn't it? Not much more either of us can say to that," I whispered.

"I need some air." That's all he said. Just that and then he walked out. But he closed the door softly. I think that meant something. Even if it was some kind of symbol of an ending. Something sad.

I knew I couldn't stay. People would realize something was wrong. It was way past the time that I could pretend that we were all hunky dory and that nothing had changed. Pulling out my case, I threw my clothes in and gathered up my cosmetics, pouring everything any old way into my vanity. Downstairs the hotel rearranged my return flight and handled my luggage. I was on the train within the hour with a seat booked on the afternoon flight.

Staring out over the snowy scene as we began to move out of the town, I caught a glimpse of my friends all throwing snowballs and laughing helplessly as they bombarded each other. Lachlan was amongst them, smiling too and chatting to Uma who was jumping about like a little kid. My eyes filled up with tears. He could just walk back out and play stupid kids' games as if nothing had happened. That's how little I really meant to him after all. I was left with my heart broken in pieces and, like in the fairy tale, all that was left in its place was a shard of ice. Despite the warm fug of the train, I shivered. Inside I felt colder than ice.

I had plenty of thinking time on the journey back and fell to contemplating the whole damn mess. It was her fault. That woman. I could imagine Lachlan being drawn into her web. He was pretty naïve in many ways. I mean, he's experienced with women sexually, of course, and a tough guy in his own way, but the predatory women of the twenty first century could chew him up and spit out the pieces. That's the stupid thing. He thinks I'm promiscuous. He hasn't a bloody clue what many women are like these days. Or that my behaviour is not depraved by our standards.

She set him up. I know she did. He's embarrassed and trying to lie his way out of it now. She must have told him some sob story and he fell for it and the next thing she came on to him and, well, he's only human. Easy to see how he might have a few drinks and then she turned it on. Let's face it, she was after him the first night she met him. I saw the way she looked at him then - and the way she eyed me up too.

Wouldn't be surprised if she had set the SID thing up as well. She's been with him and he would have jumped at the chance to cause some strife. Sheila would know that if she mentioned it to SID then I would find out soon enough - and there would be a scene on our trip. She had it all planned.

That was the sort of thing that was running round my brain as I made the long trip back. By the time I reached home I was in such a state that I dumped my luggage, took a quick shower and then went to the pub even though it was late. To have it out with her. Warn her off. Once and for all. I was not giving Lachlan up without a fight.

Which explains why I was outside the main door of the pub at ten that night. But when I pushed the door, it was locked. Locked? I thought Sheila was keeping it open for the few days we were away and Ann and Esme had said they were going to lend a hand?

"Open up, you bitch!" I shouted rather coarsely." I know you're in there! What happened? You see me coming?"

But no matter how hard I hammered, there was no response. The lights were off too. The Come On Inn was definitely saying 'Go Away'. I slumped against the door and kicked it hard in temper.

"Now what did that door ever do to you, honey?"

I spun round to find Zack strolling up, his hands in his pockets and smiling at me. He looked a bit forlorn. "Zack!"

"That's me! You must need a drink real bad-" He pushed on the door. "Closed? At this time?" He checked his watch and frowned. Then he looked at me. "Aren't you in Switzerland?"

I shrugged. "I was. But now I'm not. It was a bit on the frosty side there."

Zack looked bemused. "Huh?"

"Lachlan and I broke up."

He looked surprised. His hand raked back through his hair in that nervous gesture of his. "Carol and I spilt up."

"I heard. Too bad. I'm really sorry-"

It was his turn to shrug. "Shit happens-"

"--And then you die." I added.

We both grinned sheepishly.

"I need a drink," he muttered. "How about you?"

I laughed and nodded my agreement.

"Come on, Cass. They gotta have some joint still serving liquor in this town." I walked to my car. He pulled me back. "Cab. I intend to get bombed tonight. How about you?"

That explains why we found ourselves about two in the morning slumped on a bar in a cheap nightclub, draining a bottle of Scotch and weeping into our glasses. Metaphorically, anyway. "You know what I think?" Zack announced leaning on his elbow, his head in his hands and trying to find his mouth with the glass. I shook my head and tried to keep my eyes open.

"What do you think?"

"I think--- that life is fucked. Either it fucks you or you fuck it - but you're always gonna be fucked. That's what I think anyways," he stated solemnly waving his hand about, the Scotch slopping out as he made his point.

"I agree. Love is just a crock of shit. Some people find it and some don't. We just happen to be in the Don't set.Might as well accept it." I pronounced, carefully enunciating my words. My mouth seemed to be harder than usual to control.

He nodded. "Me and you." He pointed his finger at me and stabbed my shoulder forcefully; I almost fell off the stool. "We had it just right. Sex. Nothing but sex. I mean, I like you. You're a great kid but - let's face it - it was mostly lust. But it was great. Great sex. Lot of laughs. No need for any fucking shit about forever or I love you. Just let's have fun. I jump your bones. You suck my dick. Everyone's happy." Zack held his arms out.

"S'right. We had a good time. I like you. You're a lot of fun. Talk smart. Great in bed. Big dick. Don't mind if I kick you out the next morning-"

"That's the best bit. A chick who just says in the morning - thanks for the fuck. Now go fuck off. Now that's the kind of relationship that suits me."

"Zack? I think I'm going to puke-"

He might have been pissed but he still had good reactions. As I slipped off my stool, he grabbed me and walked me out of the door, where I threw up very messily all over the street. He was pretty cool about it, going back inside and getting me a glass of water and then walking me around like I was a horse with colic. But finally my head cleared enough and we trudged along the cold wet streets until we found a MacDonald's all-nighter and sat there sipping black coffee.

"You need to get to bed," Zack muttered.

"That an offer?" I chuckled bleary-eyed.

"Not going to get a better one tonight," he grinned shyly. "Me neither."

So we hailed a cab and went back to my place. It was one of those decisions that seemed to make sense at the time. The ones that never make sense afterwards though, do they?

I don't remember much of what happened then. I know I brushed my teeth - I was feeling lousy about having thrown up in front of him - and made an attempt to freshen up but not much else sticks in my mind. We must have made love but, sorry Zack, it wasn't very memorable. Not one of your finest hours. There is this vague memory of him humping me and grunting. At least one of us came anyway. I suppose that's something.

It was better in the morning. We woke up, saw each other and both groaned at the same time, then laughed and ran for the bathroom. After a wee, a shower and a glass of juice, I asked Zack if we'd done it. He snorted and said 'Well there's a used rubber on the floor---I guess we must have."

"You were lucid enough to use a condom?" I giggled. "Why?" Then I frowned. "Safety?" Did he wonder too where I'd been?

"Courtesy." He gave a little bow of his head.

I liked his answer. God, I like him. He's such a great guy.

"Let's go back to bed, Zack. This time---I want to remember how you feel-" I whispered into his ear as I slipped my arms round his neck. We were already naked. We had already had sex. What was the point? Two lonely, sad people who had messed up their own lives. Why not take a bit of comfort in each other's arms?

I tugged on his dick, he yelped and slapped my bum. That seemed to signal playtime. With a shriek, I dashed out of the bathroom with Zack in hot pursuit. He caught me, slung me over his shoulder, threw me on the bed and fell on top. Nearly knocked the stuffing out of me - but I was not letting him win. We struggled and fought, rolling over and over with him muttering profanities as he wrestled with me and me, laughing and screaming encouragement back at him.

"Come on, Zack - be a man! Play the tough guy! You want it - you gotta work for it! Give it me! Hard- you know you want to-"

Frankly, we were both pretty wild and egging each other on to be even worse. It wasn't particularly nice. You would have thought it was some all-in wrestling bout. Finally Zack got me on my knees, face down in the pillow and rammed in from behind. I was howling by then like a banshee and shouting crude stuff at him while he just pounded in and out, his hands gripping my hips, yelling loudly and simply going for it. I suppose we were making rather a lot of noise - the roof could have fallen in on us and neither would have noticed.

Well, you all know what happened then, don't you? I'll bet you are all sitting there going: "NOOOOO! Don't open the door!" But he did.

Lachlan walked in. I heard the door open and screamed, trying to turn round but Zack didn't realize at first. He held me even more firmly and banged me so hard as he came, my head hit the bedhead and then he slumped down on me.  I just whimpered as I scrambled away from him and wrapped the sheet around me to cover my nakedness.

That's when Zack reacted. He turned his head and saw Lachlan still standing there in shock. Zack banged his own head against the pillow, swore loudly and then jumped out of bed, the pillow held against his groin. "Curry---Jesus---I'm sorry---we got drunk---look, I didn't mean for this to happen---Christ---Fuck---What can I say?" Zack was sort of stepping about, stark naked, holding the damned pillow and advancing on Lachlan slowly. Lachlan ignored him and just stared at me. I sat in silence and watched the crash as it seemed to happen in slow motion.

Then Lachlan raised his right hand and pointed at Zack. "Keep. Away. From. Me."

That's all he said. Zack stopped and hung his head down, running one hand down his face. Lachlan simply turned and walked out.. He didn't even slam the door. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't have to. His face had said it all.

"Cass---Jesus---I'm so sorry!" Zack turned to me aghast.

"Get out!" I muttered.

"Honey---I never meant for this to happen-"

"Just go. Zack - just go! I'm sorry, but I can't cope with this. Leave me alone. Go sort your own life out. You've still got a chance. I just threw mine away."

I looked away from him while he dressed in silence. When he was ready, he came to me and knelt down by the bed, stroking my hair with his hand. I backed away from him. "I am so sorry I caused this. If I could take it back, you know I would, sweetheart-"

"Please go. I'm not blaming you. But I can't look at you again without thinking of what happened just then. It's not going to happen again, you know, Zack-"

"I know," he replied emphatically.

Zack patted my hand and stood up, walking slowly to the door.

"Zack?" I called after him. He stopped, his back to me. "Go to Carol. She's the one you want. Before it's too late-"

He didn't answer. Just opened the door and left the room.  I heard the front door close quietly.

I wrapped myself up in my bedding and hid my face from the world.

Colder than ice.