It's been more than a month now. Who was it that said, "things change, don't they"?  They do and they don't. It's the changes you don't see coming, the ones you don't get to choose ... those are the ones, aren't they?

Early September: Moving Out, Moving In, Moving Over, Moving On, Moving Up ... You Get The Drift?

The day was warm enough and breezy enough that I had the front door of my apartment open and the back window in my bedroom was also open to give a lovely cross current. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of my living room with piles of newspaper that I was using to protect my more fragile knick-knacks as I packed them in a box.

Buck barked, loud and very mean, just before a shadow fell over me from someone standing still and big in the doorway.

Without even glancing up, I said, "Hey, Max. What's shaking? And Buck ... no bark."

And with that, silence again descended.

The shadow never really moved. So I turned to look at him.

"I thought perhaps I could be of some service to you, Ann. Where would you like me to begin?" he said.

Damn. Just the sight of him. It always did this weird thing to my stomach ... like this flippy, dippy, trippy feeling. I took this deep breath to chase that totally frightening feeling away and waited for the next wave ... and there it came ... right as rain, true as ever. Rising to my feet slowly, I went to stand before him. We looked at each other for what would have seemed an impossibly awkward length of time for any other man. But not with Max.

"You could begin by kissing me," I told him, bold as that.

This little smile tugged at his lips. He leaned down and pecked my mouth but then he thought better of being such a smart ass to me. I felt taken over by him. Like all he would ever have to do is put his hand behind my head, and I'd be giving my soul away in a kiss to him like this.

"I needed that," I whispered to him, meek as that.

He got to work inside the bedroom, dismantling my bed. When he'd finished, I gave him boxes and asked him to just dump the clothes from my bureau in so we'd be able to move the furniture easily. I walked in there maybe ten minutes later to tell him that Dino was bringing special boxes from the U-Haul place to hang my clothes in the closet for the move ... I started giggling to see his face.

His hands were trying to make order of my 'unmentionables' and other lingerie that he'd put in a box. But there was this look about him; like he was just really curious about women's personal things. Like he rarely thought about it but when it was right there for him to examine, some of it seemed almost mysterious to him.

But as soon as he realized I'd caught him, he blushed and pulled another drawer out to dump its contents on top. I cataloged that away and determined that someday, I'd wear some special undies for him to uncover ... and for no other reason than to seduce Max into giving me that same look when I could do something about how it made me wet for him. Today, of course, was not that day.

"Found another volunteer, Annie," I heard Dino yell out to me from the front room. "Hey there, Buck!"

The devil dog was trying to yip at Dino even while he was dashing around to get Terry's attention. It was a weird combo of sounds and body language.

Buck had begun to outgrow some of his disorderliness and had begun to remember some of my friends. He took to Terry from the start because Terry never worried about Buck attacking him. He initially regarded Dino as suspicious but quickly changed his mind because he liked the treats that Dino gave him when I wasn't looking. He loved Johnny like they were best mates. He regarded Max as his challenger and never missed a chance to let Max know he would not back down. He was rather in awe of Egan. He was always happy to see Jack and Jack remains the only one in whose lap he ever jumps but that's because Jack gives him treats right in front of me no matter how often I tell him not to.

"Wow! I can't believe it! This is so nice of y'all to help me move," I told Dino and Terry. "I'm almost ready. Few more boxes to pack ... Johnny's on his way over to help with the heavy stuff and Max almost has the bedroom done and ..."

"Max is helping?" Terry asked me, giving me that tilt to his head. His eyes darted up over my shoulder. "Decent of you, General."

From what I'd heard, they'd had reasons from the trip the month before to Hawaii to start some posturing. I found it rather endearing ... and telling ... that they still did. I tried not to laugh but Terry caught my smirk. He would, of course. This was going to be an amusing day with these two in their present rather competitive state.

I hate moving. I truly do. Except for one thing ... it's starting with a fresh slate. It's more than just packing up and unpacking. It's making new decisions on where things go, how you'll order your new place ... and maybe it jump-starts your life.

It had been three weeks since I'd decided I was moving. Ever since that morning when I'd woken up to find that the ghost didn't seem so easy to laugh off. I mean, any ghost angry enough to move my furniture like that? That's a ghost I don't want to mess with.

So Buck and I had started looking for apartments, all the while I found excuses never to stay in my haunted place by myself. I went home for about a week; told Terry my brother needed me for something or other; whenever he pressed, I pretended I'd already told him. There wasn't a chance in hell I'd ever admit to Terry that I was afraid to stay in my own place.

While I was gone, Max had called me. He doesn't talk a lot on the phone, mind you, but what he does say counts. When I came back, I took him up on an invitation to go to dinner. He spent the weekend with me.

The day he left, I got serious about finding a new place. Buck and I sat on the levee and circled ads in the paper for places that seemed promising. I took off from work that day and the next to cruise by the hopefuls with Buck. We found three places that looked really nice. I asked Jeff to come check out the structures and the plumbing and all that ... eliminated one place right off the bat. I asked Cort to come look at them with me and watched his face real close to see if he got bad vibes in any of them. I almost asked him to grab a vial of Holy Water and come sprinkle it around my current apartment ... but I guess I didn't want to sound wacky so I resisted that urge.

Funny, huh? I'm moving because I'm afraid my ghost is really a poltergeist, which means the crap he pulls will get worse ... but I won't tell a lapsed priest that the place might need an exorcism? Man.

In any event, Cort's vibes seemed okay with both places. So I went the next day and signed a lease for the place that had the nicer pool.

That was the day, coincidentally, that I started feeling like I was being followed. I can't say what it was, exactly ... just a feeling. Like I was being watched. Like I'd look behind me when I was leaving the grocery store but ... no one was there but I could have sworn I'd seen someone over by the carts out of the corner of my eye. Even when I was driving, I was becoming convinced someone was tailing me.

But I also knew it was pure and simple paranoia that was like a hangover from that damned poltergeist I was trying to outrun. 

After I signed the lease for the new place, I had maybe 10 days before I could move. Buck and I stayed with a friend from work for about a week. I lied and told her my place was being fumigated and painted to ready it for me leaving.

Strangest thing happened two days later. I was driving to her place after work and that eerie feeling I was being followed was worse than ever. I parked the car in the lot and about ran into the entrance. I stood there behind the safety gate and peered out at the street. I could see no one. And then this car drove past, kind of slow. And it was East behind the wheel. I was really surprised by that; I wondered what he was doing in this neighborhood. He never saw me, of course.

Two days later, my friend and I were going into the coffee shop to grab a cup before work and I saw East again at one of the tables. I waved at him and he nodded back. But by the time we got our coffee, he was nowhere to be seen. I was really disappointed in that; couldn't figure why he'd be so rude to blow me off like that.

Of course, if I'd still been going to the Pub most every day like I used to, I would have busted East's chops next time I saw him for that. But then I figured that maybe some people at the Pub didn't like me so much anymore. After all, I hadn't really done myself too proud with my behavior last time I'd been there. And I still couldn't go back. I was too embarrassed.

The ones I'd been pretty close to before, I was still buddies with after. Terry visited me a few times; dropped in about as often as he used to and usually with a not-so-hidden agenda. Translate that to mean: he liked being around me because he knew he mattered an awful lot to me. But since I wasn't staying at my apartment, he had to go to a little more of an effort to track me down. One evening, he was waiting for me outside the office building where I worked. I liked that night because after he took me out for dinner and a movie, he let me come home with him and I got to be inside the cocoon of his apartment.

I didn't see Dino that often; he was rather "involved," as they say, with Heather. But he came over right away when I asked him to take a look at the new place I was going to rent. He said he'd be glad to add to the security features there. I think he likes doing things like that; brings out the covert ops guy in him. By the time he was done, there was no one who was ever going to get in that place unless he had the codes. It was so safe that he said even Terry couldn't break in.

Course, I saw Terry's face the day we were moving me in there and Dino repeated that comment just so Terry would hear it. I knew from that look on his face that not too many days would go by before Terry would be trying to circumvent Dino's security measures.

Who else? Jack called me a few times and we met for lunch. He was doing it because he felt like he should keep tabs on me. Jack and I go way back. He likes to tell me his girl troubles. Not that he ever really takes my advice until it gets really bad and I say, "Flowers, Jack. And then say something adorable and formal and dashing while you gaze into her eyes."

Sometimes, whatever it is he does, flowers won't do the trick. On those occasions, I go with him to pick out just the right piece of jewelry.

Johnny tracked me down and a few times we went out for drinks after I got off work. I felt bad about Johnny, like I owed him something. But the more time I spent with him, the more I realized he was better than I was with handling what had happened between us.

When I went out of town, it was Johnny who kept Buck for me. That's why they're such good friends now.

And then there's Max. You already know about him. I cannot believe that what started out the way it did has become this. I used to be so scared of him. I had thought that I would never ever ever find the way to let my guard down with him because I thought if I did, then he'd realize I was in way over my head with him.

But it's not that way with Maximus. He was so matter of fact about things. He wanted to see me so he just did. He kept tabs on where I was; he openly watched over me. He wanted me to come with him to the Pub and he got pretty stony because I wouldn't. I just couldn't. Not yet.

My God, but I liked being with Max. I never thought I would get over being afraid of him. But this one time, I admitted to him that he intimidated me and he said I had no idea how much that hurt his feelings. Max ... hurt feelings? I just looked at him when he said that.

It never occurred to me, I told him. I am just a man, he replied. I rolled my eyes. He grabbed my face and made me look at him. What have I ever done to make you fear me, he asked. You are just you and that's intimidating, I said. Then I am never worthy to be loved by a woman like you, he asked and his voice was sad. I felt awful to hear that. I tried to tell him that wasn't the point but then I looked at it from his perspective.

What good is it to know a woman admires you if no woman ever sees you as a man who deserves the sweetness of her loving touch and the openness of a real relationship? Not much. So from that time forward, I changed my attitude about Maximus. And I worked to keep uppermost that this man cared about me deeply. And that was pretty fantastic, if you think about it.

Which I did.

Most of the time

Except when I thought about the natural progression of falling for a man like Max. I'd be such a crazy loon to not have looked at Max sometimes and wished he was mine and only mine. But I'd have been even loonier to ignore that he has something pretty important going with Eris so it wasn't like he was free and clear, was it? I didn't know her real well, but she sure seemed like a good woman. Not that I'm a bad woman, I suppose. But still ... I don't know. There was something in his eyes when he said her name in front of me. It spoke volumes. He can be brutally honest but he never means to hurt me. He never volunteered anything approaching a revelation about private things between them. He doesn't have to, does he? Not someone like Maximus. He's just not capable of hiding something he feels that strongly about.

I was getting ahead of the game though, really. Who's to say he'd have fallen for me even if no other woman existed? All I really knew right then was this: when I saw him, I felt butterflies in parts of my body I never had them before. God, but I loved that feeling.

The move was stressful on me, so I cannot even express what it felt like to have the help I had that day. I don't know why the four of them all give up a Saturday to do this for me. That evening after every box and piece of furniture had been moved from the truck into my new apartment, I ordered boxes of pizzas and we sat in the middle of the living room to eat and drink beer.

When I called Uma the next day to give her and Heather my new address, I told her about what it had been like. I described the scene: my new place with boxes in every room and the men all putting furniture together and bitching at each other even while they worked on things like my bed and bookcases and hutch. How there was laughter and teasing and things men say to each other when they know there's a woman around to get shocked. How they were sweating and grumpy by the end of the day but each one of them found a moment alone with me to make sure I didn't need them to come over the next day and help with unpacking the boxes.

How you'd think they hadn't eaten in a month the way they attacked the pizzas when the delivery guy showed up. How they lounged around on the floor of my living room to eat because Dino had chided the others for even thinking they might sit on my furniture when they were all sweaty and grimy. How they talked sports and trash and ganged up on Johnny.

How they then all turned on me when I told them they should leave him alone. How they all trooped out of there eventually and how it felt to stand at the entry gate and watch cars and the rental truck pull away and be all alone after a day that filled with them.

I didn't tell her about how the day ended, though, because it was ... well ... embarrassing. To all concerned.

So I didn't mention that about an hour after people cleared out, Terry came back over to check on me and that's when I found out that Dino's efforts at security were a challenge that Terry could not resist proving he could outsmart.

Of course, Terry got a totally unexpected rude bit of eye-opening when he did come back. Because Max had gotten there maybe ten minutes earlier. Difference was, I was expecting Max. He'd called me and I'd been so grateful that he'd wanted to come back because I was the least bit overwhelmed to be alone in my new place on my first night.

So Terry just mumbled something about having Dino come back and do a better job with the security stuff and then he left while I stood there wondering how I got in that spot.

Late September: Coming Over, Coming In, Coming On, Coming Up ... You Dig The Message?

It took a while to really get settled. Buck found a new friend named Wysteria. I kid you not. That was her name. She was this beautiful Blue Merle Australian shepherd who pranced around looking very above it all whenever Buck and I were out walking in the park. Her owner was named Jamaica and she spent a long time one evening telling me all about Wysteria's great pedigree and that the next time she "came into heat" there was a Champion of her breed that she'd be mated to.

I was watching Buck scamper around Wysteria at the time and looking suspiciously like he was thinking of humping her ... and I got to thinking how it wouldn't be too long before I'd have to worry about things like that. By 'things like that,' I mean ... getting Buck neutered.

I mentioned it to Dino when he was over one evening trying to figure out how to jury rig my security alarm so it would give Terry a harmless shock if he tried to circumvent the coding again. He stopped all of a sudden and looked at me like I'd just said I was going to send Buck to the gas chamber.

"What?" I said at his look. "Hey, it's the responsible thing to do. You think I want to be one of those pet owners who just adds to the unwanted pet population?"

"All I'm saying is ... men don't like to hear about things like that. We get sympathy pains."

"So I guess you won't be coming with me when it comes time for the big snip-snip?"

"Don't even joke about it, Annie."

"Snip-snip." I made scissors motions in his direction. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"One more joke about that and I'm leaving here and I swear to God that I will take no responsibility for this security system."

"Snip."

"That's it. I'm putting it back the way it was and then I'm outta here."

So he left without really finishing the third upgrade to the system. But I wasn't really concerned because the only reason he was doing it was to thwart Terry, which I figured was kind of a game by this point to them. Dino would put in some new feature or code ... as soon as he found out, Terry would probably break into my apartment the next day and make me call Dino to tell him I had an uninvited visitor. Dino would come finagle something else with his system ... and the cycle would start over.

Except ... except Terry hadn't really been around. Not since about five days after I'd moved in and he came over uninvited to again prove his superiority to Dino's second upgrade of the security system. Er ... and Terry kind of interrupted me ... and Maximus ... again. Jesus! His timing sure sucked lately. Not that Max and I were doing much more than making out on the couch at the moment ... though with Max, making out can be pretty expressive. And I might have had my hands somewhere on Max that Terry might not have wanted to witness them being.

I felt really badly about it, too. I did. Mainly because I knew via Heather and Dino that Terry was having a bit of a strange time of it. First off, there was this rabid love-hate thing with Uma that was driving Terry bonkers. Second off, he really seemed to feel like Maximus had the inside track on Eris which kind of fed into his feelings of maybe not measuring up to the General. Which, of course, was silly but try telling that to a man like Terry? And not that it was a competition between them for her ... except in some ways, it was. His pride felt it, if nothing else. So to then come over where he used to always be able to find me willing and eager and in total adulation ... but to find that Maximus of all people seemed to be getting cozy with me ... well, I guess Terry's subsequent bit of a snit was understandable.

And, boy, that interruption was just ... Ugh. Max got rather rude and I felt horrible for Terry ... and so, I begged Max to just get busy unpacking boxes since that was the excuse I'd given Terry for Max being there at my place. I was able to grab Terry before he slammed out of the front door but all I could say was so lame ... "I'm so incredibly sorry. Can you call me tomorrow because I want to see you?" ... so I was never surprised that he was pretty standoffish to me after that. I stopped calling after a few times because I figured he'd call me once he was over it. Only he never has.

It didn't take me long to calm down after Terry left. I was alone in the dining room, unpacking mementos to put in the hutch ... and it was so quiet in there ... and Buck kept looking at me like he was waiting to comfort me ... only I didn't want comforting. I wanted to go in the bedroom and have a temper tantrum with Max. So I was barely holding it together.

Because, as he was leaving, Terry had bitched at me about not going around the Pub anymore. He said people thought I was being a jerk. Well, he didn't say it quite that rude. You have friends there who wonder what the fuck they've done to have you leave like that and never come back, he'd said. Something like that.

So I sat there in my dining room unpacking boxes and wanting to scream at someone because the night before I swear to God, I'd woken up in a cold sweat because I could have sworn I'd heard that damned alley cat outside my new place ... and I'd laid there in bed the whole night wondering if I was going crazy because why the hell was a caterwauling cat scaring me. Except maybe I was just too tired from all the work I was doing re-painting the new place and unpacking. Or maybe I really had been that lonely that maybe the next thing I'd do was make up another poltergeist. But then Maximus had called in the morning and asked if I was doing okay and I'd said I wasn't so he'd come over just to be with me in this night.

So why, given all that, would it be Max I'd scream at?

Why scream at this man who could make me tremble just to realize I was involved with him? Why scream at this man who touched me and I came unglued? Was it his fault that I breathed funny when he was around me? Was he to blame because I felt guilty that I thought about his naked body and forthright gaze so often I used to think I'd see him on the street sometimes only to turn to look and realize no one was even there?

"What are you up to?" I asked him as I walked tentatively into my bedroom.

He was sitting on the floor next to my bed, putting away the contents of a box I'd labeled, 'left nightstand.' His eyes glanced up at me and he stammered, "Unpacking. As you asked."

His head darted down as he shifted a dark-colored jar from one hand to the other; he peered resolutely inside the nightstand's interior to find a place for the jar. And just then, I looked at the labeling on the box again. 'Left nightstand.' Oh shit!

"Um ... I don't actually use ... I mean ... well ... you know, Max, maybe I should unpack that box myself," I said as I knelt beside him and tried to close the box up.

"I didn't mean to pry, Ann. But ... I was ... curious," he said.

I saw the tinge of color deepen from his neck to his lower cheek. I forced my eyes to travel down to his hands holding that jar. I thought about all the other things he'd no doubt seen in that box and got this visual of him just sitting there, resolutely unpacking them and neatly stowing them inside the nightstand.

Our eyes met. I bit my lower lip and felt myself blush hard. "Yeah. I know all about curious," I said and could have kicked myself. "I bet you think I'm a floozy."

He just kind of frowned at me. Gave me that head tilt of his. "No. I did not. I was simply ... curious about ..."

"Most of it's just kidding around. It can be fun. Not that I make a habit of it ... it's just that I ... I mean, I guess everyone gets curious ... maybe in your day, they had things like this ..." I wished the floor would open up and swallow me. "Well, maybe not like this ... but I mean ... do you think I'm awful? Have I shocked you?"

He shrugged his shoulders and I couldn't read his expression. His fingers flexed around a large, round jar. When he looked down at the label, my eyes followed his. He read from the label: "Chocolate Body Paint."

He cleared his throat. Kind of glanced my way before making a show of finding a place for the jar inside the nightstand. Was he ...? I couldn't believe it. Was Maximus maybe a bit out of his league in this regard? No way! Of course, a man like him? He'd probably never play sex games or anything. Right?

"You get what that is, right?" I asked. He stopped and just looked up into my eyes. "Have you ever tried that?"

He shook his head at me. But I noticed that he was no longer trying to stow the bottle.

"Would you like to? Max?"

He pursed his lips and considered this. I decided this was one time between us when I maybe could lead rather than follow. So I leaned in to him, stroked his chest lightly, kissed in just below his ear and whispered, "Let's take a shower first. And then I'll let you paint me."

And the thing you'll find hard to believe: this is where I found my rhythm with Max.

We showered without really touching each other in a way that was anything but easy foreplay. He dried me off, intent on his task, rubbing along my skin to take away beads of moisture. I returned the favor. I poured us each a glass of nutty, fine merlot because I didn't want us drunk, just with a taste of some intoxicating interest to mingle with other flavors.

I gave him a wide, soft paintbrush. I bit back a shiver when he made test strokes with it against the skin of my inner thigh and then glanced up at evidence of how my heart beat erratically. I held the glass jar in both hands, warming it to make it flow a bit smoother.

"Anywhere you want," I said, low and with a catch in my voice.

"I believe I have the idea. Are you certain you are prepared to hand your body over to be my canvas?"

"Oh."

The first strokes were not so much tentative as careful. He painted a few lines radiating down from a circle he brushed over each of my areolas. I don't know which shook me harder ... watching his concentration on my body or the feel of the soft brush coated with liquid as it was drawn slowly over the sensitive surfaces of my breasts. When he finished, he pursed his lips and asked if he could just test what it was like.

I whispered my assent but I felt like crying it out to the heavens. I wanted to say over and over and over ... 'OH PLEASE JUST DO IT!'

His tongue licked up one stripe. I shivered in his hold and I felt his hands grip me in a bit more resolutely. He paused as he reached the circle and licked his lips. I was watching him, more because I just couldn't stop than because I was that brave. And so I saw the slow smile that started out a bit startled and ended up evil. When he looked up at me, he had a glint in his eyes and he crooked his eyebrows at me.

"Marvelous," he pronounced.

I nodded my head in complete agreement. "Have some more."

Oh. My. God. I thought he'd suck my nipple all the way to his tonsils. Maybe he did. I actually think I came. I know I saw stars. Or maybe that's only because I banged my head when I thrashed back and smacked my headboard.

"There are other places I wish to paint," he said against my ear when I could finally stop whimpering. He said it all husky. But I swear to God, he said it like he was plotting a real assault and had just discovered that he had the secret weapon that would end every woman's combat against the enemy forces in the battle of the sexes.

That brush began its work. He sternly told me to cooperate while he worked on his masterpiece. He said he loved the taste of chocolate ... and then he suddenly stopped and pointed the brush at me and said it would never replace the taste of me, of course, but it was a most incredible taste to experience upon my skin and he could not wait to see how it tasted with my 'natural honey.'

I kind of giggled when he said that but he scowled and I couldn't help how that made me feel. I asked him if he'd never tasted chocolate before and he considered for a few seconds ... and then said, not like this. I looked at the jar again ... it was dark chocolate ... maybe he'd only had milk chocolate? I don't know. Or maybe it really did something to him to have it mixed with the taste of my skin. I wasn't about to question it. I just felt like I'd discovered something amazing about Maximus. He was up for playing and I would never have really thought to introduce that between us. I mean, he is such an incredible and effective and wonderful lover. And we were still in the blush of getting to know each other's preferences and all ... but this would never have occurred to me to try with him.

So maybe this was why things changed between us. Because I watched him and realized that even when he was smiling and relaxed with me, I had always thought of him as rigid and serious. But now I saw something else ... he was just a man. Like he said to me once when he said it hurt his feelings that I'd been scared of him without knowing him. So even after being intimate with him, I'd still been so ruled by my own perceptions of him.

"Where shall I start?" he said when he finally put the brush and jar on the nightstand. He sat back on his haunches and regarded my body. I wiggled around a bit as I looked down at the chocolate roadmap of places he wished to explore with his mouth.

I stroked a finger across my belly button and brought it to my lips. His tongue peeked out and his smile started loosening. I tasted the chocolate on my finger and gave him a contented, "Hmmm."

"I wish you to know one thing before we begin, Ann."

"And what's that, Max?"

He dropped his voice to that low, gravelly tone that vibrates the air. "Fair warning, my lady. I am ravenous. We shall see what appetites you have stirred in me tonight. You may find me insatiable."

I gulped out loud. 

"Your lips are a good place to begin," he said. He stroked the remnants of chocolate left on the brush's thistles across my mouth. My tongue just made this natural move to lick what he placed there but his fingers grabbed the tip. He shook his head. "That is for me."

I closed my eyes almost from his first lick across my lips. I wondered how long he could do that ... I was getting anxious and this had only begun. And then like a rush of velvet, his tongue invaded my mouth and brought with it the temptations of chocolate flavor mixed with his taste. I tried to grab hold of him but he pulled my hands off his arms.

"Give me free access to your body, Ann. Do not deny me anything tonight. I shall repay your sacrifice many folds. What say you?"

I never even hesitated. "Yes."

It was probably the last coherent thing I said all night. Let me admit right up front that he didn't get every bit of chocolate paint off my body. But it wasn't for lack of trying. And there were plenty of times when I wasn't so much trying to deny him anything as I was reacting to what he was doing to me. But by the time he got down to between my legs, I had rolled around on those sheets and his careful brush strokes had smeared around on my body ... and on him. Yeah, he let me lick some off him, too. He liked it, too. He even laughed and said he'd never thought he'd been ticklish before.

He has such a marvelous laugh in a moment like that. It's so unexpected.

Which is why he caught me off guard and was able to toss me over on my back. He spread my legs and I was half laughing, half begging him ... I heard him growl in frustration and he told me the one thing he'd been looking forward to was attacking the paint he'd left there between my legs but it was mostly all wiped away already. I reminded him that he was the one who'd had his fingers down there earlier so no wonder there wasn't much left.

When he pursed his lips and frowned, I thought he was getting ready to say something. But he wasn't. Instead, he was thinking. And then he acted. He reached for the jar, tossed the paint brush aside, dug his fingers into the paint and then just began wiping chocolate down there. And he wasn't gentle. And he wasn't only coating the surface, if you catch my drift.

I kind of lost it, I think, when he just dove in and started ... well, you get the picture and I don't want to be gross about it. Because it wasn't. I mean it may sound like we were doing naughty, messy things ... and we were ... but it wasn't gross. Instead, it was ... what's the right word? ... it was liberating.

Liberating.

That's exactly what it was.

How could I ever look upon him as a man who intimidated me when he'd been with me this way, playing with me just because he enjoyed experiencing something new and fun and sensuous and intimate ... just because it was, in some ways, the opposite of our first time when everything seemed so serious and important and overwhelming?

That first time, I'd needed him to be more experienced and watching out for me. I think that had influenced our relationship so much in these developing stages. But this night, it was a level playing field. It was a time of budding intimacy.

It might have been a sex game, but it wasn't kid's stuff. Especially not at the end. We were both pretty wild.

Frankly, as shattered as we both were by how physical we got and how the coming was for us both ... we ended up not being able to move for a long time. But we did talk. Maybe the caffeine in the chocolate was keeping us awake and just a bit jazzed. Or maybe we just found something we didn't mind hanging on to. But I know that I, for one, talked about things with him that I would never have thought I'd have ever felt that comfortable admitting. We lay there in the bed, our limbs all over each other, both sticky with chocolate, his semen, my own fluids, sweat ... exhausted, sore and expended ... and we told each other about why we'd approached the other as we first had.

We trusted each other that much.

It seems ironic to me, that not too long after that, I found out something about Maximus that really hurt my feelings. I just would never in a million years have believed that of all men, Max would turn out to be less than honorable ... that he would have lied.

Mid October: Getting Up, Getting In, Getting Out, Getting Over, Getting To ... You See The Pattern?

There was nothing anyone could say for the longest time to get me over my reluctance to go back inside the pub again. Terry had been right; the longer I stayed away, the worse it got to contemplate going back.

But then one night at the very beginning of October, Clarity called me and said she would consider it a personal favor if I would drop in for John Biebe's birthday party. She was throwing a combo bash for him and Bou, who had birthdays one day apart.

I did not want to go. But Clarity has always been so sweet to me and I do so adore her. And I rather thought if she was making this special effort to make me feel like I was still part of the group, well, then ... so I said yes. And I did go.

Thanks to Gaia, who poured me liquid courage in the form of some quite excellent champagne, I was able to face the festivities with some grace. In fact, all the women treated me so kindly and I felt like I'd been a fool to have stayed away for so long. I promised myself to remember that no matter what fickle games love played on you, it was your women friends you could count on to be there.

I was planning to stay out of Max's way that evening because I figured I should never do anything that might be awkward for him in terms of Eris. But she wasn't there when he arrived and when he came to sit by me at the bar, it felt good to have his attention. And for a while, it seemed I was the only one he even cared to notice. Talk about a boost to the old ego. However, at some point Max's eyes kept straying ... Eris had arrived and he just couldn't help keeping tabs on her. By the time I realized he was distracted and looked around ... Eris was dancing with Zack. It made Max tense.

Before too long, I used the excuse that I needed to go say hello to the birthday boy. Which I did. But I left right after that ... because ... well, because ... I considered it my gift to Maximus. I figured that I'd monopolized his time and attention enough that night.

 On my drive home, I thought about how that night had not really been nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be. Thanks to Max, I had someone to talk to and someone to shield me from any awkwardness. But I left so soon that I really never talked to anyone else.

It wasn't for a few days that I found out that maybe it had been more about other people not talking to me than me not taking the time to make the rounds and talk to everyone there. Well, by everyone, I mean the men, don't I?

See, I saw East about four days later at the coffee shop and this time he stuck around to share a cup with me. He acted a bit off ... kind of more formal and less of that relaxed, outback, blokie way of his. He kept picking at the way his flannel shirt was tucked in his jeans. I asked him if he was upset with me. He said he wasn't.

"I figure what you do ain't my call. You don't seem to mind the reputation, and I'm no sticky beak," he said. His accent was so strong that I wondered if I was missing something. I blinked and opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but he said, "But I'm gonna say, I may be the only one."

"The only what?"

He shrugged and looked off. "Only man in there doesn't think you're maybe not the right sort of sheila we should welcome at the pub."

"I'm sorry? I don't know what you mean."

His eyes speared mine. He just gave me this look and then this brutal scan of my body that made me want to slide under the table. "We all know what you did. With Max. And Johnny."

"As you said, that's not your business."

"Don't mean we don't know. Don't mean we don't all got an opinion."

I looked around at people at the other tables. Wondered if they could see that I felt like my life had just entered the Twilight Zone. This was so much worse than I could have imagined. "East, I don't know what your problem is, but everyone was very nice to me at the party."

"Yeah?" He leaned in across the table and smiled at me. "So who all chatted you up, Annie?"

"Well, I ..."

"Only Max, right?"

I swallowed hard. Christ. I'd forgotten how brusque and in-your-face these Aussie men could be when they weren't trying to shine you on. "Yeah. But ... I left early."

"Love, let me fill you in. I feel bad for you, I do. Always liked you, Annie. Figure you came a gutser with that and, for me, it's no worries, right? But some blokes are different that way. There's only two kinds of sheilas, love. There's the kind we like to be seen with, the kind we'd show off ... and then there's the kind who we don't mind taking for a ride and a bit of the rough, but we wouldn't want our mates to think it was anything but to have a naughty whenever we want."

My face felt like it was on fire. I tried to not feel like I now had a neon sign on me that said, 'tramp.'

East slid his hand across the table and rested it on my fingers. "Annie, you do know Max is only seeing you because you put out and because you'll do it dirty with him, right? You think he does any of that with Eris? Now, there's a class sheila, Eris is. Hey, don't look so shocked. You think Max don't dob on you to the rest of us about the kinds of things he gets off you? He told us all about your sex toys in the nightstand."

"You're lying. Maximus would never ... never talk about anything like that!"

 "No?" He leaned back in his chair, sipped at his coffee. Finally ... "He makes fun of you, Annie. How'd I know about that otherwise? Should I tell you which ones he likes using on you the best?"

"Oh my God!"

And while I tried to stop the tears that just sprang in my eyes, he looked at me suddenly with such compassion ... like it had just really dawned on him that he'd gone too far. "Honey, I'm sorry I'm the one to tell ya. But, say, it's wrong you would go on thinking you had a fair go with a man like Max. Hey, you did cop to it that he only comes over to see you on the nights that Eris is with Terry, right? Truth be told, I've never been comfortable with him using you like that."

I don't actually remember how I got home. I don't really remember what I told my boss but I think I just said I'd come down with the flu and would be gone a few days. I took so many baths that first day that I am lucky I have any skin left from the scrubbing. But I could never get to the point where I felt clean again.

East called me that night and said he wanted to see how I was doing. I could hardly talk. He apologized and said he'd thought about what he'd said and realized that he'd been needlessly cruel to me. I started crying when he said that maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. He said if Max or the other men found out what he'd told me, that they'd pay him back for it. I managed to choke out that I'd never tell any of them how I knew.

"Besides, I don't plan to ever see any of them again, so I won't be telling anyone anything," I said softly.

"Think that's best all round, Annie."

Who would even believe a man like Maximus could be such a big fake? Or worse, that he could lie, if not in words then certainly in action. We are talking, after all, about the man who was so unable to fake his feelings that it just never dawned on him to curb the outward demonstration of his suspicion that Marcus had been murdered in order to make nice to Commodus ... the man who Lucilla said was so easy to tell when he was lying.

No, it just came from nowhere. I couldn't believe I'd trusted him, that I'd been such a fool. The thing that really got to me was that if he'd just said it was only going to be about sex, I would have been fine with that. Why did he have to pretend it was something more?

And even though I hated the message, I was grateful in a way to East for having told me so bluntly. At least now I could avoid Max, never see him again, never face that humiliation.

Okay, I did get really angry after about a day or two of moping around. I mean, what had I really done to deserve that from Max? Was I that much a loser? Was I not good enough to be anything but a bit of spice on the side?

Not too long after that, I met Uma for lunch one day; she happened to mention that she was getting bugged that I wasn't coming around the pub even after everyone had been so nice to me at John's party. I made some snide comment about Max ... about how I'd found out he was just using me, that he'd said things about me... And that I had it on good authority that some of the men thought I was a tramp, so I didn't feel much like showing my face there if I was going to run into any of them, thank you very much ... And she kept shaking her head and saying that she couldn't believe such negative things about Max or that the other men would feel that way about me ...

"Have you confronted him? Given him a chance to explain?" she asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "In fact, I have. He called me the other day. We had it out. He confirmed everything I'd heard."

"But ... did he say why? I mean, I just cannot imagine Maximus would treat a woman badly."

"Saint Max, you mean? Yeah, well, maybe I just bring out the best in men. He said he couldn't believe I had ever taken any of that as anything but what a man tells a woman he wants to keep screwing. He asked me what had ever given me the impression that I was the kind of woman he'd choose to be with if not for the fact some nights when Eris was 'otherwise occupied' that he'd needed a bit of something different."

"Max said that?" I nodded; she closed her eyes. 

"So you can maybe see why I never want to hear from him again. In fact, I blocked his number so he can't call me in case he wanted to torment me a bit further."

"Something is wrong. Are you really sure that's what happened? Did you maybe just have a fight and ..."

And finally, I just looked at her and said, "Who's side you on? Mine or his?"

And she said, "That isn't the point here."

But I said, "Yes, it is. You're either one of those women or you're the kind of woman I thought you were. So, what is it? You sticking with him because he's got a dick or are you going to remember what it feels like to be a woman treated badly by a man who can still be charming to other women?"

But she said, "Maybe I should talk to him? Find out what the fuck's going on with him?"

"Absolutely not. You keep out." 

And then I thought about it for a moment. I've been in these kinds of spots before. Where you're friends with both a man and a woman ... and when it gets ugly between them, you want to be able to stay friends with both because it's not you that's been involved in the ugliness. I absolutely hate it when one of them tries to make you take sides against the other when it's something that's more about a relationship that doesn't work than it is about something clearly wrong like abuse.

There's no way I was going to test friendships that way. I was in it enough with people at the pub; I didn't need sides being taken in something like this.

"This will blow over eventually," I said. "But please, Uma, don't say anything to anyone. This is so embarrassing. I don't want anyone but you to know. Promise me?"

"Okay. But I worry about you being alone. Drop by the pub anyway? Max isn't always there. And you have so many friends there."

"I don't think I can, not knowing that some of the men think so badly of me."

We both kind of sat there for a while. Finally, she said that even if I stayed away from the men for a while, this was the exact best time for me to be surrounded by my women friends. That even if the women didn't know what had happened, there was still nothing like being with your women friends because they can sense when you need a bit of shoring up.

And ... as luck would have it ... there was something was coming up soon down at the pub that was perfect, she told me.

A lingerie show ... women only. And it did make me feel better to think about being with them all again because sometimes, only other women can understand and make you feel better about things that happen. So I said I'd love to come over for it and that I promised that by then, I'd have resolved everything and I'd have my old attitude back.

Frankly, if not for the promise that they were getting rid of all creatures with dicks that night, hell would have frozen over before I would have ever set foot inside the pub again.

At least I know who my friends are. There are worse lessons to learn.

So, life is moving on, coming together, getting ahead. You see?