TERRY

I rarely drop in the pub early in the day as I'm usually at the office if I'm in town, but I'd had a meeting a couple of miles away and suddenly got the urge to call in. Maybe have a sandwich and a chat, touch base when it was fairly quiet and be with friends. Things have been hectic lately and somehow we haven't talked much but I'd noticed Uma's been subdued, those eyes of hers bruised and sad beneath the veneer of the giddy madcap act she puts on. That bastard Ross walked out on her and she was hurting. And I'd just left her to wallow in it as though she had done something wrong.

Why shouldn't she make a relationship with another man? It isn't like I don't see other women. The trouble with me is I've been punishing her because she doesn't want to see me. That is not her fault. She has the right to choose. I've just been doing my usual trick of reading too much into what she'd said and done in odd moments when her guard seemed down. That is so typical of me. Building it all up in my head and then being brought down to earth abruptly with a bump. But certainly not a bang.

If Uma and I are anything, then it is just friends. Actually I'm not sure we are even that much at the moment. So maybe that was why I found myself turning into the familiar street and pulling up at the same old pub. I reckoned it was time to start building bridges and acting like a friend. It wouldn't be the first time I'd swallowed down my own feelings - and I doubt it will be the last.

I knew I was early - it was barely opening time when I pushed open the door and ventured in. All was quiet, although it looked as though someone had been getting ready for customers - but there was no sign of life. I wandered around a little bit, picked up the newspaper and leafed through it. And that's when I heard it. I raised my head and listened harder. There it was again. The sound of a woman crying.

Curious now, I put down the paper and went forward to the bar, lifting up the top and letting myself through; the noise seemed to be coming from behind the bar at the back. As I got nearer, I realized that it was indeed weeping; I could hear a woman softly crying, a keening sound. I hesitated then, wondering if I ought to go on or not. This was none of my business and if one of the girls had had a bust up with her bloke then I should probably keep well out of it.

But hey, this is me. Hear a woman cry and I am helpless. I must have been genetically hotwired for it in the womb.

So I walked forward and rounded the corner. The noise was louder now and seemed to be coming from through the half-opened door of the storeroom. I pushed on it and it swung back.

There Uma was, sitting in the corner, her legs drawn up to her chin, crying helplessly, her face buried on her knees.  I've never seen her like that before. Uma's always so tough, such a little battler. The more you attack her, the more she digs in and fights back. I love to see that spirit she has, that way she has of never saying die, how she faces up to the world like a little terrier charging on a howling wolf, yapping at the ankles of life.

Who the hell had brought her to this?

I swallowed hard, aware that just the sight of her like this was touching some part of me that by rights it shouldn't. I wanted to encircle her wagon and drive off anyone and everyone who came near to hurt her. I didn't even really want to know the cause; I didn't care whether she was right or wrong. I just wanted to hit out at the bastard that had made her feel this way.

Crouching down to her level, noticing, despite myself, that she was wearing a very short skirt and in that position leaving little to the imagination, I reached out a hand to try and console her and then pulled back. It might have looked as though I was just touching her up. I didn't want to startle her or give her the wrong impression.

At that moment she glanced up and jumped. Her next reaction told me all I needed to know when she groaned bitterly and gasped. "Not you! Oh No...! Can this day get any worse?"

I winced a little at that comment. "Are you all right, Uma?

"Go away!" She held up a hand in front of her face. I started to get to my feet to respect her wishes - but something stopped me.

"Tell me about it. Whatever it is, it can't be made worse by sharing it..."

"...Want a bet?" she retorted aggressively. Her sharp little temper amused me even though I knew it was the wrong time for jokes. She was still fighting in there somewhere.

"Why are you crying? Come on...talk to me, sweetheart..."

"Go away....I don't want anyone to see me like this! I'm embarrassed!' she muttered between sobs.

"Hey...don't be ashamed of crying! Something's happened. Let me help. We've all been there, love..."

"Oh yeah? Somehow I really don't think you've been where I am today..." she retorted.

I sat down by her and leaned against the wall; she dropped her legs and sat there propped up, her arms wrapped around her thin little body, I realized she looked skinnier than ever and wondered if she had been looking after herself properly recently. Was this about Ross? The bastard.

"I've been lost and alone too. Not the same problem, I'm sure, but I've had my share of the dark as well, Uma...I hate to see you like this...I've never seen you like this before..."

"I don't know what to do!" she blurted out. Her cry for help cut right through me like a knife. I took her hand and rolled it in mine.

"You have to tell me first...I can't help you if you don't tell me what's the matter..."

"I can't tell you...don't make me tell you...!" she begged pitifully.

Whatever it was, it was obvious that she was really traumatized by it. I wondered what could have made a confident woman like her feel like this. What had she done? Or what had been done to her? Somehow I knew there was a man involved somewhere. There always is when women cry. "Whatever it is, I'll have heard worse, love. Nothing you say could shock me... let me help? Please?"

She ran her hands thorough her thick hair and pulled it back off her face. I had this urge to take her little face in my hands to kiss her lips; I had to restrain myself from doing just that. Why does she affect me like this? Sometimes I find it hard to keep my mind on anything when I'm with her. She interferes with my wiring, disturbs my circuits. And with the added ingredient of tears, I was in danger of losing my cool completely.

"I've just had a bad day. Everyone's mad at me and it just upset me..."

I repressed a smile. "Everyone?"

She shrugged. "Heather thinks I've buggered up the site and I didn't even touch it! I know she's mad 'cos her and Dino have had a big bust up...but still...she told me a few home truths about myself and I guess she knows me better than most...they hurt..."

"Not pretty?" I asked with a grin. Uma managed a little smile at that.

"Not pretty," she agreed. I was mildly surprised about what she had said about Dino; I'd spoken to him first thing this morning and he'd seemed full of the joys then, going on about some crazy idea he'd had for Halloween for the pair of them. He hadn't sounded like a man who had just quarreled with his best girl. But who knows? He might have rung her later. You know how women are - they can turn on a dime.

"Hey...it was just a blue. You'll get over it. Can't believe you two've never fought before..."

She shrugged. "It wasn't just her. I talked to Ann as well....By the way, you'd better get back with that bottle....it's nearly lunch time..."

I had no idea what she was talking about - but with Uma that is often the case; she is the queen of lateral thinking. "So what happened with Ann?" I coaxed, trying to get her back on song.

"She was really pretty shitty to me, actually. Well, I suppose I was a bit insulting too. But...she made me feel so cheap and I just...it was just such a shock to hear her talk like that, especially in the circumstances, you know? I mean... women are supposed to look out for each other at a time like this! A bit of solidarity, you know? Even if she thought I deserved it - well, she didn't have to say it quite as brutally as that, did she? I guess she was still sore about what Maximus said to her. He was such a bastard. She was bound to be hurt"

Now I was really lost. I tried to piece together the streams of consciousness clues that she was dropping. What had she said so far? Heather had given her a bollocking and her lifestyle must have come in for some critical discussion. Ann had accused her of being cheap. Maximus had been a bastard to Ann? She had a problem that normally makes women rally round....let me think...boyfriend leaves her? No, Ross walked out a few weeks ago- old news, they've already cooed and bitched about that. She's ill? No...no one would lay into her if she was  sick. What else could fit the circumstances? Boyfriend walks out on her ...and a few weeks later she is crying and her friends more or less tell her it's her own fault....

Awww....shit....not that. Fucking hell....

"Uma...are you in trouble?"

She looked straight at me and I knew the answer right off. My heart hit my boots. "Alex...he said I was a slut. He said it was my own fault. Just like everyone else. He said all the men think I'm just an easy lay. Is that really how they all think of me? I know I'm no angel but...am I really so much worse than everyone else?"

"Alex? When did he say this? Is that what he said when he left you?"

"No. When he left he was really sweet. It was mutual, Terry, we decided that it wasn't working. I thought it was mutual anyway. But he just said all that to get rid of me, it appears. Men do that. They lie to assuage their own bloody consciences..."

"You've seen Alex since? Is that what you are saying?" I was trying to keep up with her but the picture was beginning to grow clearer.

She sniffed back and nodded. "About an hour ago. He came back. Same old Alex. Baggy suit and fedora. As cocky as you please. So I told him...he had to know..."

"Uma...are you having his baby?" I had to be sure that my suspicion was correct.

At that she simply covered her face and cried silently, banging her fists on her forehead. I grabbed hold of her hands- she tried to hit me but I held her firm until she subsided and simply fell against my chest. I gripped her tight and let her cry until she was empty, just sobbing helplessly into my shirt.

"Get rid of it all. Cry it all out. You'll feel better then," I whispered, stroking back her hair, trying not to feel her like a woman, trying to remember that this was just a person who needed a shoulder. "I got you, baby...I won't let anyone hurt you now..."

My words made an impact on her; I felt her stiffen and then she looked up. "How can you make it better? No one can make it better. I don't know what I'm going to do, Terry.  Alex said get rid of it. Maybe I should. What kind of mother would I be anyway?"

"A very good one. If you chose to be. But it's your right to choose. Not his..."

"He's the father... not that he believes he is. He soon talked himself out of that. He says it could be anyone's. He said that I was just trying to set him up. He said I was on my own now..."

I gave a rueful laugh. "...Then I think he just lost his parental right to choose, love..."

She sighed. "He said such awful things, Terry. About the other men. About how they think of me."

"What do you mean?" I asked but I guessed. Fucking men. It's what they always do. A woman throws them a curve and they just go for the jugular. Her reputation. Crucify her for giving them what they wanted themselves. I fucking hate men at times.

"...That I'm a whore. Or not much better than. He said that I sleep with anyone..."

"...That reflects real well on him, hey? He just anyone?"

She smiled at that. "He said he rather liked cheap little sluts. But not to be the mother of his children..." She winced and I flinched. Jesus Christ! I wish he was standing in front of me now. "It makes me mad. But it also makes me wonder...maybe I am a little slut. Even Ann said as much... Heather said I couldn't keep a man for five minutes... maybe I do just put out to everyone..."

"You never gave it out to me. Never even came close..." I tilted her chin up and smiled. "It's a load of horseshit, Uma. He's running scared and he's just dumping on you. If you're mad - get mad! You have a right to be. What you did, you did together and any man worth his salt would stand by your side and help you make the right decision. Or back up whatever decision that you chose. It's your body, not his..."

She pulled away and turned her head to the wall. "Just leave it, Terry. I'm not one of your cases. You don't have to play the White Knight for me. I fucked up. It was my fault. Leave me alone, please...I've said too much already..."

"Come on now...don't close down on me...talk to me. Shout at me...Get angry! I'm angry. He behaved like a prick. That makes me angry. Uma...you've got to make some really serious decisions very soon and I know you don't know what to do for the best. But I'll tell you this. Whatever you choose, you're not alone...let me come along for the ride, hey?"

"I'm so scared I'll do the wrong thing! What if I make a terrible mistake?"

"Even if you do, I'll still be here. Count on it."

"But why? Why would you do that for me?" She looked up and I wanted to say, 'I only have to look into your eyes. What other reason do I need?' But I knew if I made a comment like that I would only make her suspicious. It would sound like just another bloke trying to take advantage of her.

I shrugged and leaned back against the wall, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and offering her one. She shook her head and gave me a look. I nodded. "Good girl. I forgot."

"You haven't answered my question," she said softly. I lit up and inhaled, resting my head back against the wall before letting out a long stream of smoke.

"You're a friend and you've had bad deal. I care about you. I care about what happens to you. You need help and I can give it. Do I need another reason?"

"I don't know what to say! But I appreciate it. You being there for me, you know? Thank you. But I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"You want to keep it?"

Uma thought awhile. "You know, you always think that one day you will find a man and have a baby when the time is right? I never gave it much more thought than that really. But now it's happened, I feel like this might be the only chance I ever get. But is that fair - to bring a baby into the world with a father who refuses to acknowledge its existence?"

"It's your baby. If you want it, then you mustn't feel forced to have an abortion. You'd never live with yourself if you only did it because you were forced to."

"But how can I bring up a child alone?" She argued.

"I just told you. You won't be alone. You need someone to take care of you and your baby. I don't know what I can do - but I'll stand by you. I'll put my name down on the birth certificate..." I cleared my throat. "It isn't as if the baby won't look like me, ya know?" I smiled at that, feeling a little bashful, wondering if she could tell how much I wished it was my child.

She knelt up and put her hands on my shoulders. "This isn't some little thing that you can sort out with one of your phone calls. This is a baby. Twenty one years of looking after and then some. I can't ask that of you. You have your own life. You have women that you want to be with...how will they accept it if you have me as a ball and chain?"

I took another drag. "I was useless as a father the first time. Maybe I want a chance to do it right?"

"Then have a baby of your own! You don't need to take mine on..."

I shook my head. "It ain't gonna happen. I mean it, honey...I'll stand by you. I promise. I won't leave you to face this alone. We'll work something out..."

She stopped fighting then; I think she was just worn out with it all. She curled up in my arms and cried some more, told me I was the best friend she had ever had or ever would have. I eased her to her feet and guided her out of the storeroom back into the bar, sitting her down. I wasn't sure what to do next. My instinct was to give her a brandy but if she was pregnant that wouldn't be a very good idea, would it?

So I did the next best thing. It always works. I went over the jukebox and selected a record. Then I went up to her and held out my hand. "Wanna dance?"

She smiled and I pulled her against me and we moved from side to side, hardly dancing really, just swaying as she leaned against my shoulder and I held her close. There was only one song that we could have used in that moment. She gave a little sigh of recognition and then snuggled in closer.

 

 

"You know where he is?" I asked her quietly.

"Who?"

"Ross."

She looked up at me. "Why?"

"Because I want to kill him..." 

She smiled sadly and shook her head. "I don't want you to hurt him. He can't hurt me anymore. Not when you're here..."

I still wanted to kill him, but I let it be. One day he would walk back in here - and he would have me to answer to then.

 

 

The song ended and we broke apart. She was quiet and I held her for a moment. I wondered where exactly we went to next. Then the obvious happened. Jeff Mitchell walked in, his work clothes covered in plaster as though he had just come off a building site and announced: "My throat's as dry as a dead dingo's donger..."

We broke apart but I saw his quizzical look. Uma slipped away and pulled us a couple of pints; I leaned on the bar and watched as she set them down. "How's tricks?" Jeff asked looking from one to the other. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at me.

"Jeff Mitchell! You have perfect timing...did anyone ever tell you?" she laughed. He looked bemused and held up his hands.

"What did I do? Disturb you two in another significant moment?  Get over it. There's a stack of rooms upstairs. I promise I won't walk in..." he grinned.

That's when I leaned over the bar and simply picked her up, lifted her back over the counter and into my arms. Jeff just watched openmouthed, his glass of beer poised half way between the bar and his lip. Uma said nothing as I carried her to the stairs, just stared at me. I think we were both afraid to spoil the moment with anything as dangerous as speech.

"I think that's what they refer to as 'Calling your bluff, mate...'" I threw at him, before I ran up the stairs with her, taking them two at a time. She is so light. It's like carrying a child - who is carrying a child. What a thought.

I walked to her room and kicked open the door. "You need to lie down and rest. I'll take care of the bar this afternoon. Just get your head down and take a break." I took her shoes off and she slipped out of her skirt. It was kind of natural. Like she wasn't embarrassed in front of me. Then she wriggled into bed and I covered her over. I was surprised that she hadn't made any protest. For once in her life, she just let someone make the decisions for her. It felt good that it was me.

I brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry about anything now. One thing at a time.  Later you can talk to Heather. She's gonna come good for you, I know she will... Give her another chance."  Uma's eyes began to close and I stroked her head tenderly. "I don't know what's going down with Ann though...." I muttered still confused about her references to Ann's apparently very cruel jibes.

"Ann!" Uma suddenly opened her eyes. "You better get back....she's got your lunch ready...!" 

"Shush....go to sleep..." I wondered what on earth she meant. I hadn't seen Ann for a couple of days. Lunch? Maybe she was already half asleep. I stood up and closed the curtains before making my way to the door. As I opened it, I took a look back and saw her curled up fast asleep. I felt something lurch in my chest. It wasn't going to be an easy ride. But I had meant what I said. I was going to stand by her, whatever it took.

 

 

UMA

It was early evening when I woke up; I had slept for about six hours. It was the first decent sleep I'd had in days. I lay there in the dark thinking about what Terry had said and what an amazing offer he had made to me. He was really the most wonderful man I had ever known. Why couldn't he have been the father? Why did a man like him not want a woman like me? Pretty obvious, I suppose, but a girl can still dream.

That's what I was doing just fantasising away there, when I suddenly realised I didn't feel too good. Then I realized what the familiar dull ache in my stomach was. I jumped out of bed and it was pretty obvious then. For a few moments I stared at myself, unable to quite take it all in. I wasn't pregnant. I was safe. It had been a false alarm. Alex was in the clear. Terry didn't have to stand by me...

And then the tears came again. God knows why. I should have been glad. So why was I crying? I suddenly felt sad that there was no child even though I was also relieved. Then I felt embarrassed that I had upset so many people. But most of all I felt...

There was a gentle knock at the door. "Uma?" It was Terry's deep voice. I ran for my bathroom and shut the door. He must have come into the bedroom nevertheless, for the next minute, he was knocking at the bathroom door. "You OK? Everything all right?"

I scrabbled around, looking for tampons and cleaning myself up. "Yeah...just a moment...."

Throwing on a wrap on the back of the door, I flushed and came out. He was sitting on the end of the bed with a cup of tea waiting for me on the bedside table. "I thought I'd best wake you up. You'll never sleep tonight..."

I sat down next to him. "It was a false alarm. I just found out. I don't know why I was late..."

He said nothing for a moment - did I imagine that he stifled a sob of relief? Had he regretted his offer in the intervening hours? 

"I really want to thank you for what you offered to do for me. No one has ever done anything like that before for me in my whole life. I won't forget it."

He smiled and hunched his shoulders as if to say it was nothing. "So...we bury the hatchet or whatever it was that's been between us all this time? Let's be friends, Uma, from now on, hey? I think we could be good friends. And I still want to kill Ross. And I still won't let anyone hurt you, you know?"

"What are you? My honorary big brother or something?" I tried to make it sound light and breezy but I felt a lead weight inside me. If only he wanted to be more than just friends...

"Yeah...that's me. Your big brother. A pain in the arse and I have to vet all your boyfriends..." he grinned. "Now, you go take a shower and sort yourself out. Then come down and join us all. Everything's fine now and nobody else knows. Call Ann tomorrow and make peace with her..." He was taking charge again in his way. I nodded as he stood up but then I caught his hand and kissed it.

"You're the best, Terry..."

"...Let's see if you still say that the next time I win fifty quid off you..." He laughed and pointed his finger at me cheekily. I love that guy.

 

There was a card game going on when I got downstairs. Heather asked me how I was; I just shrugged and complained of being on the rag. She raised her eyes and apologized for this morning; I said it had been nothing. Wandering over to the card players, I stood behind Terry watching. He looked up and smiled. "And no, you can't join in. I shouldn't imagine you've even mastered the rules of Snap yet..."

I pulled out my tongue. "Jack, what's higher, a King or a Jack?" I asked disingenuously, fluttering my eyelashes. "Terry's got 3 of one and 2 of the other..." Jack snorted and dropped.  Terry pulled me onto his lap.

"You want your bottom smacking?" I nodded. He ruffled my hair up with a grin. "Naughty girl. Now shut up or I'm ditching you on your arse..." I snuggled into his lap and watched the play, nestling into the crook of his neck, whispering in his ear: "My tummy hurts." Absentmindedly, he ran his left hand under the waistband of my sweats and rubbed gently while he carried on playing. His hand was so big and warm and had just the right amount of pressure. It just felt so good.

 

 

"You see what those two are doing?" Heather exclaimed to Jeff at the bar. A few others turned looking at the direction she was pointing in and a frisson of interest passed amongst all lounging there.

"Shhhh!" Jeff replied. "I caught them pashing when I came in this lunchtime, then he took her upstairs...not that anything happened. He was down the next minute and unless his reputation is all talk I don't think anything went on but..."

"Don't say a word. I don't think either of them knows what they're doing. If they realize it they'll jump apart like scalded cats... Leave them be. Maybe one of these fine days, something might just dawn on the pair of them..."

 

Back  |  Site Map  |  Fiction  |  Updates  |  Links  |  Submissions  |  Contact  |  Message Board

 

  Site Meter