CADIZ: October 2004
UMA

The night was stifling hot, not a single breath of air on the breeze. Even the skimpy clothes that I was wearing clung to me damply and I imagined a cold plunge in a dark clear sea to cool down my steamy body. But I was aware that I was too drunk to do such a thing; some clarity still remained to my befuddled senses.

That is what comes of living with Jack Aubrey. You go out for a casual dinner and the next thing you know he has met some equally reckless rabble rousers and we are off on yet another night of drunken debauchery - and I shall end up throwing up and having the dickens of a bad head tomorrow. Jack invariably does not.

We were in a bar somewhere in Cadiz; it was very late and Jack was deep into conversation about sailing with a guy who ran a diving school in the area whereas I was slipping down the wall and beginning to see double.

 That's when the karaoke caught my eye.

 Oh my God- it was excruciating- so much so, that it roused me from my alcoholic stupor long enough to decide to do something about it. I am a fairly sentimental drunk- when I am not arguing, that is- and I sat there listening to an impossibly awful rendition of 'Simply the Best' and decided that it simply wasn't the best and I could do so much better for Jack than this awful screeching.

It struck me that I hadn't told Jack how much I loved him for at least fifteen minutes, so I wriggled out from the bench and made my way( with a few stumbles) to the stage. Jack glanced up as I stood, placed his hands on my waist to help me out from my seat, but must have presumed I was going for a wee because he didn't seem overly concerned. I wandered over to the DJ and announced my intention. Moments later, he had found the track I wanted and I was on the stage, standing there with a mike and ready to roll. I'm pretty easy to get going at the best of times, but with a gut full of Rioja, I am almost a danger to myself. I surveyed the totally uninterested audience, took off my shirt- and got a lot more notice. Including Jack and the other guys at the table, who stopped mid-word and watched.

"That's better, boys. Now my turn. This is for my sweet love..." And the track began. I had always thought this song was about me and Jack from the first time I had heard it. I supposed just I needed to be drunk enough to have the guts to sing it to him:

 

 

 

TERRY

It was after midnight when we tracked him down, in some dive near the harbour. We slipped in and cased the small crowded room but saw him immediately- he isn't the kind of man who can hide in any crowd. I smiled to myself as I saw him, face flushed, pissed naturally- he was in port- and staring at a girl who was singing on the stage, his carnal attraction about as obvious as was the blond hair that fell around his face. I glanced at the object of his lust- well, I'm a bloke. I might have mostly taken up the veil these days but I still have blood in my body. The girl was in profile and looked to be a pretty tasty little morsel, dressed in tight low-slung black jeans and a rather revealing bra- nothing else. That's pretty mild for these tourist areas- most of the women are flashing a hell of a lot more than that by this time of the night.

She was the kind of girl I go for- tall, slender and feminine, but with a touch of wild and spirited. Her skin was golden brown; her hair mid-length and tousled- the blonde dye job looking like it needed touching up. She had a sweet voice and was singing a love song - and appeared to have her eyes on Jack. Maybe he was going to get lucky tonight. Dino nudged my arm and tilted his head in the direction of Aubrey, giving the girl on the stage a dirty appraisal as he moved on- she was his type, too. I nodded in agreement as he led me through the tables to the booth where Jack was sitting.

As we crossed the floor, I listened to the sweet voice and it stirred something in my memory; something I quickly closed down. There was no point in thinking about that particular dead end from my past, especially not tonight of all nights. It would be difficult enough hearing Jack dropping her name into the conversation as I am sure he would at some point. He's no fool, whatever he likes people to think at times.

Idly I wondered where she was. The story was that she was sailing with him but I wasn't convinced she would stay the course. But you never know. She was always constantly surprising me with what she would tolerate. But he hadn't got her with him tonight and I was grateful for that. I felt myself relax a little and realised how the thought of running into that walking heartbreak had clouded the issue more than I should have allowed it to. Just then I heard the chorus of the song and turned to observe the singer once more. My position was now full-faced on to her and she saw me as I saw her. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised.

Fair play to her, she didn't miss a note and sang on as if her life depended on it, her eyes locked on me.

 

 

I felt Dino tug on my arm and pull me towards the booth and the next moment I found myself staring down at Jack Aubrey who was grinning broadly and standing up unsteadily to shake my hand in his iron grip. "Good Lord, Terry Thorne! Dino! To what do we owe this pleasure? Stephen, Stephen, what fun- who would have thought this night would be so merry! Sit yourselves down and let me order some more wine- or would you prefer beer, gentlemen?"

I smiled wryly, wishing Jack would lower his voice a few decibels and stop drawing attention to us. I never like to be noticed in public. "Beer's fine, Jack..." I mumbled. The applause for the artiste was dying down and I saw the DJ extend a hand as she jumped down from the stage, fastening up her shirt. She still looked a little pale beneath her tan as she made her way over to where we were.

"Uma...look who's here...would you believe it? Small world indeed, hey?" But I noticed Jack's eyes much more observant than his loud bonhomie would suggest. He was watching her face and I saw him incline his head and raise his eyebrows slightly as if to ask her was she all right- and caught her answering nod. "Run along and order a couple of bottles of that weak excuse for beer they have here and another bottle of red will you, my sweet?"

I wasn't fooled. He might look as if he was treating her as a part of the furniture but I could see he was just giving her a breathing space and she took it gratefully, snatching the notes from his hand and swinging off without a backward glance in our direction.

The bloke at the table took that moment to say his goodnights and step away. We settled back and made our gambit quickly. Jack was nowhere near as drunk as he appeared to be and his eyes flared and then narrowed as he heard what we had to say. Stephen sat by him saying nothing, nursing a glass of wine but I could see the wheels turning in his brain, too, and knew they were both hooked. They were men of action and also of honour. It was not hard to convince them of the rightness of what we were about.

Just then Uma returned with the booze and busied herself pouring wine and handing out bottles of Spanish beer. I raised mine in acknowledgement and she nodded back briskly. Jack's hands went possessively to her hips and he eased her in next to him while shaking his head to warn me to say nothing before her.

"So...what you doing here, boys? Some coincidence, hey?" Uma asked Dino pointedly and made it clear she was already working it out.

"Well...we were in town and heard you were about," he replied with an evasive smile.

Uma gave him the eye. "Well, you did well to find us. This isn't your obvious watering hole...Thought you boys preferred expensive clubs or hotel bars..."

"Our job, love...finding people, remember?" I interrupted. She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "So you working the clubs now, Tink? Down on your luck these days?"

I saw her bridle at the old endearment and bristle at the reference to her change in fortune; and then felt ashamed of myself for having mentioned both. Jack noticed the slight immediately and I could see him square his shoulders, but her hand on his arm stopped him responding.

"I was just having a bit of fun, Terry. Not something you're very familiar with, hey?" I inclined my head, gave her the point and she closed the topic. We sat in fairly awkward silence for a while until Dino struck up a conversation with Stephen, something about the property he had bought in the area. Jack did not say anything, staring across at me pointedly and clearly not wishing us to raise the real reason for our visit before Uma. She slipped in next to him and curled up on his arm in that limpet way she has. She looked sleepy and I thought she was probably drunk; I had noticed the over-bright gleam in her eye as she had answered me back. But she wasn't so drunk that she had lost her tongue, I thought ruefully.

She leaned up and put her arms round his neck and whispered in his one good ear, he nodded and I saw his hand slip into hers. I looked away, the bitter feeling in my gut making me feel ashamed. What did I expect? I left her and she had mourned long enough. I should be pleased that she had found her way back. After all, hadn't I? I was not so sure. So what's new?

"I think I will call it a night, gentlemen. My lady and I are both ready to retire. O'Leary, Thorne...we will resume this tomorrow on my boat. It is called the Artemis... Stephen...good night. We will speak tomorrow." Jack rose and Uma slipped in next to him. She smiled vacantly at the rest of us and he led her out by the hand. At the door, she looked back and our eyes met. For a second, I saw something there - but it was gone before I had been able to grasp it. Much as she had once been.

"Well, you sure made a real slick job of that," Dino muttered into my ear. 

I pulled a face and ignored him. "So, Stephen, you see much of the lovebirds?"

Stephen observed me blankly and drained his glass. "We see each other when we can. They are very hospitable. Be careful, Mr. Thorne. Jack Aubrey is no fool and he will not countenance any interference in his personal life. And nor will she. They have both suffered enough. You will find them very hard to break asunder..."

"Jesus Christ...is that why you think I'm here?" I blurted out and then grimaced. "Look, mate...this is business. Nothing more. I'm no threat to anyone..."

"I'm aware of that, Terry...just make sure you realize that, too? Gentlemen...until the morrow, I bid you a good night..." He rose and made his way out quietly.

We nursed our drinks and eyed up a group of young women who were giving us a signal from across the room. I smiled over and nodded. Dino, for once, shook his head. "We've a busy day tomorrow, hermano, and you need to get back on your game. Leave the girlies alone for once, hey?" We settled the tab and walked to the door.

"Hey, mate...need a piss...catch you later, hey?" I muttered and turned into the Men's room. He was gone when I came out. That's when I bumped into Katie from Sunderland. We didn't hang about either.

 

 

JACK

I walked her briskly down the back alleys to the harbour and our berth. She was quiet and concentrated on keeping up with me, almost running at times to match my stride. I held her hand and felt her squeezing it tightly.

"Stop a minute, Jack! I'm out of breath!" I paused and she leaned back on a whitewashed wall. She had drunk a lot and I recognised the signs; she was a little wild eyed with an exaggerated good humour; it often masked her deep-seated melancholic nature.

"It is not so far now... do you want me to carry you back?' I grinned; it wouldn't be the first time.

She shook her head but reached her arms out. "Just hold me?" I let her wrap herself around me, her body like a sinuous serpent, moulding herself to me. Leaning her against the wall, I did what any hot-blooded man would do on a beautiful Spanish night holding a woman of her calibre in his arms. We kissed hungrily, my hands raking down her slender curves and her leg running up and down mine to crook around and pull me closer.

It would be easy to lose one's wits in her arms - and it would not be the first time that I had acted like a callow youth with her. But tonight I did not wish to misinterpret her mood. She had been sorely affected by his appearance and I did not intend to be the cloak which she threw over her real feelings.

Pulling away, I stroked her beautiful face as she smiled lazily up at me. "No one's about, Jack...let's..."

I shook my head and walked on, letting her run after me.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm tired. We should be abed."

"Jack? JACK!" She stopped in the middle of the street and would not proceed further. "What's going on?"

I turned, hands on my hips and watched her sternly. "I do not smoke your meaning."

"Crap. Don't start that prissy talk. Why did those two desperadoes show up tonight? What are they getting you involved in? And why are you in such a hip of a mood yourself?"

She has a very astute way of reading me which often disturbs my equilibrium. I was hipped.

"I did not enjoy the way he spoke to you, or the way he looked at you..."

"Jack! Don't be such a tit! He was just being Terry, the tough-shit. Doesn't scare me." She minced over and stood before me smiling.

"No? Then maybe I have more than I thought to fear," I mumbled back ungraciously, resuming my walk to the boat. We walked along side-by-side until we gained the waterfront and headed towards the Artemis.

Just then, she slipped her hand in mine again and pulled my face down until she could reach my ear; my bad ear- her favourite weapon. With a breathy sigh, she whispered, "Jack, it is you that I love!" and her tongue flickered around the scarred flesh, its damaged nerves still highly sensitive and her touch inflaming my ardour. I swallowed deep and then picked her up, throwing her across my shoulder and climbing up the ladder to the deck.

Gaining my destination, I strolled along, with her dangling ungainly, giggling and making wild dares as to things she wished me to do to her. Down the steps to the cabin, I ran, and then a quick toss onto the bed. A gentleman would have been less territorial - but it has always been my nature. I claimed my prize and entered my domain.

 

 

UMA

I must admit Jack had been in predator mood last night and I had welcomed his enthusiastic lovemaking. I needed to feel the sense of being loved and desired and having my place confirmed in the world. I wanted confusion to be held at bay. The morning, though, brought a softer and more romantic Jack. We woke slowly in each other's arms, our return to consciousness a gradual escalation from stirring, disturbing the other, touching, stroking, intertwining our legs instinctively and then the effect this had on our natural responses. I felt his cock harden against my thigh and his soft sighs change to a deeper and more earthy groan.

Early morning sex is just the best; I love the way bodies sort of shift and merge until the moment when he slides in and your eyes open to find him writhing deep inside. Every nerve in one's skin seems sensitized, every muscle and sinew relaxed and loose, open to his masculine urge to thrust and wallow in the warm wet pleasure. Jack was hot and heavy, pressing against me, his thick scratchy stubble abrasive on my cheeks and neck as he kissed me roughly; his hands gripping my naked arse to hold me still and push me even deeper against him.

He was awake but still distant - feeling rather than sense was driving him. I adore him like this- I adore every mood of his- but our mornings together are like being kissed awake by the sun. Whispering to him of how I loved him, begging him to thrust faster, deeper, clinging on to him desperately, I suppose we must have missed the arrival of our guests. The next thing I knew there was a sharp knock on the cabin door, a cough and a "Sorry to wake you but...you've got visitors..." I heard the way he paused on the word wake just long enough to let us know he had no doubts as to what we were actually doing.

Jack reacted instantly. He has this natural ability to respond to such things where another man might ignore and carry on until he was finished. With a deep low moan and a grimace, he rolled away and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face in his hands before standing up and reaching for his jeans.

"Jack...he can bloody wait!" I insisted. He took no notice, merely eased his jeans on, grunting as he straightened his still-hard cock and carefully zipped up. He threw the covers over me and then strode purposefully to the door, ready for duty. Yanking it open, he barked out, "Wait on deck!' before returning to me and placing a kiss on my lips.

"Stay in bed. This is nothing for you to bother about above. I would prefer you to stay below."

I'm not a woman given to minding my own business or taking orders but Jack rarely exerts that sort of control over me, so on the rare occasions that he comes over all Master and Commander, I simply accept his words. He must have a very good reason for feeling as he does and he deserves my trust.

"Jack....be careful?" He gave me his laugh as if to say, 'Me. Take care? That will be the day!' and he left the room, pulling a T- shirt over his head as he did.

 

I took a leisurely shower and dressed more carefully than usual, putting on a pretty dress and pinning up my hair, making up and playing with jewellery. I could hear the deep but muted voices of men on deck; I had the impression that they were purposely lowering their voices which seemed odd. Who could overhear them? Apart from me. Somehow that didn't make me feel too well disposed to whatever was being planned. Eventually I got bored and decided that enough was enough. I would make coffee and take it to them. Jack could hardly complain about that.

As I passed by the mirror, I noticed my reflection. I hadn't dressed up like this in months. What would Jack construe from the hidden messages here? He is no fool, whatever he pretends. He is the most astute at reading subtext when he wants to be. Ripping off the dress, pulling down my hair and throwing the jewellery into its box, I rubbed off the lipstick and donned a pair of shorts and skimpy top.

I was not dressing for HIM. 

I busied myself with fresh coffee, strong the way Jack likes it, and then carried the tray on deck. The sun was brilliant even if it was October and I squinted as I came from the shade into the light. "Thought you might like some coffee?" I asked and the men immediately stopped talking. Jack roughly gathered together some papers and maps scattered on the table, ostensibly to clear a place but I wasn't fooled. He didn't want me to see what they were looking at.

"Capital idea! We are finished here, I believe, gentlemen?" Jack announced in his voice that doesn't allow for opposition. The others muttered agreement and I poured coffee and handed out like the good little housewife and burned to know what exactly was going on. I caught Terry's eye and he looked as if he was amused. I wasn't sure what was funny - me serving men so dutifully or the fact that he had guessed that I was noseying around to try and discover what was going on.

There was a period of rather forced small talk when everyone acted like we were at some salon in 1810 or something and then Jack excused himself to do something on the boat. Dino and Stephen were deep in conversation and I wandered off to the bows and sat in the sun with a book, pretending to read. That's where he found me.

"Good book?"

"S'alright." I replied, trying to cover my shock at him addressing me directly.

"They say they're better if you hold them the other way round..." he teased and I looked. The book was upside down. I could have died of embarrassment. Slamming it down I picked up some sun cream and idly rubbed my legs with it.

"Want me to do your back?"

I exhaled and turned round. "What do you want me to say? Just leave me alone, hey? Go and bleed somewhere else..." It was a nasty remark and I was ashamed of it almost the second it had slipped from my mouth.

His face stiffened for a moment and I knew I had hurt him but he rode it even if there was a trace of something lingering in his eyes. "I'll see you around then..."

"I'm sorry...that was really awful of me..."I blurted out. "You know my tongue...I just...say things...it's a defence mechanism. When I'm uncomfortable..."

He bit his lip and looked at me a few moments. "You uncomfortable now? With me?" He asked, his head on one side. "Wonder what that means, hey?"

Okay...I deserved it. Terry wasn't going to roll over and die for me. "Of course this is difficult. For both of us, I would think. The last time I saw you..." I couldn't finish. His cruel words were still ringing in my ears every time I thought of that incident.

I could see he hadn't forgotten. He heaved a deep sigh and leaned against the rail. "What I said....it was a defence mechanism...the kind of thing you say when you're uncomfortable..."

I smiled ruefully. "Yeah...but some of us apologise..." He winced. I was glad. If I hurt you, Terry, you sure as shit hurt me as well. I was never going to take the rap for what we threw away. Well not the full rap. Half of it for sure.

"If it's any consolation. I know I should have....I was always planning to...I just... it was never the right time..." Terry Thorne is rarely lost for words but he was squirming now. I suddenly felt sorry for him; the triumph of watching him admit culpability was no longer quite so appealing.

"Me too. What a pair, hey? And it isn't much consolation." I whispered. He smiled sadly and nodded in agreement.

"You and Jack....got a good thing going?" he asked with a hint of question. I knew then that if he thought he had a chance then everything might change.

"Yes. The best thing going. You and me. We're finished, Terry. Over. Dead and buried."

His face betrayed little but I could recognise the slight twitching of facial muscles that showed his control. "I sort of worked that out for myself. But I had to ask..."

"He didn't move in when you left me. It wasn't like that..."

"I know. Jack had every right to see you and if I was a fool then no reason to blame him for not being..."

There was so much said in that tiny acknowledgement. He had loved me as I had loved him and our wounded pride had made us destroy the precious thing that we had found. I felt a deep melancholy fall on me. Why had we allowed ourselves to plunge our lives into the dark, living for months in pain and loneliness when a few words would have wiped the slate clean?

Why indeed? But that's life. The one who got away. There's always one in everyone's past, isn't there?

"I loved you Terry. I still do. In a part of me that no one else can ever take away. But it isn't the same anymore. I got over you in the end. But I still miss you. It's so good to see you again..." I guess I got all misty eyed then. I think maybe he did too. He moved to me and we hugged and it felt so good to feel his strong arms about me again.

"Missed you too, little girl..." he murmured as he stroked back my hair and kissed my temple.

We sat down together and it was as if the time peeled away and we were there where we had once been but now the balance of things had changed. He was no longer my man and I was no longer his woman. But we would always be friends if we let ourselves be. "We just couldn't cope with the others, could we? I was too jealous. I wanted you for myself," I said.

"I was no different. Except I was unfair. I wanted you for me but the freedom to play the field with the others. You and Jack worked it out straight away. Once you fall in love that is never possible. There is no justification or rationale that allows for sharing."

"We learnt that from our mistakes," I insisted. 

"I know," he replied, idly playing with my hand.

I suddenly realized that I ought to tell him what we knew. "Do you know about Arthur and Angharad?" I asked.

"Yeah," he grinned. "Arthur was on the blower within five minutes of the blue line." Of course, he would have been. His hero, Terry. 

"And?" I asked wondering what he made of it all.

He laughed. "And what? I was half way there already, Tink. Come on...the whole thing was crazy and I knew it...worked it out finally when I walked away from you and then watched the fall out. I stayed for one reason only...Dino too...someone has to look out for the kids. We've changed a few things. The money will always be there - we can't pull the safety net away - but the power of attorney is gone and the pot is controlled. Enough to live on but if they want it easy, they all have to work. The more people get out and about the better for them. And everyone knows about Artie. Up to them what they do about it."

"Were you as angry as Jack and Maximus?"

He looked away over the sea before answering. "Yeah...I was angry....you know any man who wouldn't be?" But he didn't add anything more. He didn't need to. This was the man who regarded his only crack at fatherhood as a pitiful list of wasted chances. We had dreamed about our own child in the past, that elusive thing we could never have. It was part of what caused our break up. But I'm not going over that old ground anymore.

"How are things...hear you've got a new partner..." He looked sharply at me and then grinned devilishly. "Yep...I was snapped right up..." He snorted and shook his head but I could read his amusement from his expression. Terry wasn't going to dish the dirt but it was patently obvious that he was not dancing to some fiddler's whistle.

"But I have got a new girlfriend...sort of..." he added shyly.

"Yeah?" I gasped. "Who? You mean...a real human girl? From the OUTSIDE?"

He swaggered delightfully. "Yep...a real woman...who seems attracted to me without benefit of magic spells and the pull...can you credit that?" he raised his eyes playfully.

"You and her serious?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Dunno...not sure...still confused, ya know? Nor sure I want to go there again...How many times can a bloke get burned before he gets the message?"

I frowned. "What message?"

"That he's a fuck wit when it comes to love..."

I groaned at him and shook him by his jacket. "Terry...you go on and on until you find THE ONE..."

"She's a lot younger..."

"So?"

"She works for me...."

"So?"

"I don't want to hurt her..."

"You think you might?"

"I picked a woman up last night... and she doesn't know about...you know what?"

I sighed. "Then it is about time you started to come clean and make a few decisions about your own life...why are you so indecisive about yourself and so in charge about everything else you do? I never understood that about you..."

Again he shrugged, unwillingly to go there. "I don't know. I...it always ends up the same..."

"Give her a chance. I'm sure she adores you...take a chance....what is there really to lose? It can only end in you bleeding again..." I laughed. He laughed and ruffled up my hair.

"Ready for a beer? Something stronger?" I asked.

"Beer's fine..." He took a bottle and drank from it. I took my chance while he was all softened up.

"So...Jack's doing a job for you is he?" I sounded like I was in on it.

Terry wiped the back of his mouth with his hand. You think I'm falling for that...?" He tapped his nose. "None of your business, darlin'. Big boys' talk... You go and rustle up some lunch down in the galley....You are quite the little homemaker these days, aren't ya?"

I slapped his arm and he yanked me up, holding me over the side as if to drop me in. I screamed. Everyone looked up. Jack called over.

"Throw her in. I always do. She swims better than she pretends..."

Terry lowered me back to the ground and the men laughed.

But.

No one volunteered an answer.

 

 

JACK

She did not like it one bit; I cared not a jot. There is no way I go into action with a woman on board, least of all my own woman. After we had cleared lunch, I pulled her aside. "Pack a bag. I am putting you ashore."

"WHAT?" she exclaimed.

"You heard me. We should be gone perhaps three days at the most - possibly less."

"But..."

"Pack. You are going to Stephen's. You will be very comfortable there..."

I walked out before she could protest. Shortly afterwards she appeared on deck lugging a case that would have lasted a man for a month.

"Jack...we need to talk..." she started. Terry Thorne lifted the case, feigned a back injury and carried it to the waiting taxi cab.

"Not here," I answered and swung her up, carrying her over the gangplank and depositing her in the car.

Stephen walked over and handed her his keys. "The staff will have everything prepared. Ask for anything you need."

"But..."

I slipped into the seat beside her and the driver moved off. It had been somewhat easier than I had envisaged.

"Jack....why can't I go?" She began as soon as we were on our way.

"I am afraid that is out of the question. You will remain ashore until such time as I deem it fit for you to return to the yacht..."

"That is so...so...don't I get a say?"

"No."

"That is unfair. I am your partner..."

"In life...not in action..." I replied brusquely.

Uma grunted in temper. "So this is something dangerous...I knew it!"

"Then you should fully understand my predicament. Of course it's bloody dangerous, woman! Why else keep you in the dark? But it is futile to argue with me. My mind is made up. Nor would any of the other men allow it anyway. Thorne made it a distinct proviso. You were not to be endangered or the deal was off."

"Deal?" She asked.

"Yes. You think I go into danger for pleasure...?"

"Well, actually, yes I do..."

I sighed. "I fight no longer for any cause save my own. Our own. I fight for money. A substantial amount. One that will be the answer to our problems for the time being..."

"You are going to join them at TOL?" she gasped.

I laughed. "Of course not! I have no skills in that form of diplomacy nor do I desire to be a part of it. This is a single commission but it will provide the lump sum that we need to safeguard us while we start a new venture of our own..."

"I bet this includes fighting and shooting. I bet you are risking your life just for money..."

I took her hand and kissed it. "For us. Everything I do is for us. Every risk is worth it."

Her eyes filled with tears but she is no fool. She could work out how little choice we had. She was also brave enough not to want to send me off with her own fears and entreaties ringing in my ears.

"You better come back in one piece, Jack!"

"Assuredly," I grinned.

"With no bits missing - even ears!"

"I promise..."

"And....if you come back dead...I'll kill you, Jack!"

"I shall remember that should the unhappy occasion present itself," I teased and she smiled back through her tears.

The cab pulled up and I helped her out, hefting the case and handing it to the servants at Stephen's home. Then I turned to her and called her to my side. In my arms I held her close and spoke into her eyes:

"I have no intention of anything happening to me. This is dangerous - but not excessively so. When I return I shall tell you all. Until then, enjoy this quiet time in this lovely home and when I return, my pockets full of gold, I shall treat you to something quite special...."

"I'm not a child! I don't want to be placated with presents..." she moaned, exactly like a petulant child.

"I know that. You are a woman. And I wish to shower you in gifts...That is my right...my pleasure...as you are my joy..."

The rest is not for these pages. A man and woman must have something to themselves. Suffice it to say that as the car drew away taking me from her, I had no fears that she would not weather our first separation. For there is steel underneath the soft exterior and she knows her duty as much as any woman of my time ever did.

Perhaps even more.

 

Now I had the worry of her safety off my mind, I was able to turn to the task in hand. The mission was comparatively simple from my point of view. A businessman had been kidnapped and was being held in a sea location somewhere in the deep Atlantic waters off Portugal. Apparently some new fangled machinery of theirs had told them all this from the telephone contacts that had been received. They attempted to explain the science behind it; Stephen seemed to grasp the principle but it was all Greek to me. I care not. They gave me the coordinates and I pinpointed the location easily enough on my charts. Some things never change.

So we make out way there and approach under cover of darkness to affect a boarding. It is a simple enough manouevre and relatively easy from a yacht to lie off and bring in a small boat. We are only four. Thorne and O'Leary will don those odd wet suits and swim from a point to reach the boat via the stern leaving us to bring the boat round and make a landing from the starboard rail. It is likely we shall be seen at that point but then we are to be the distraction that will give them time to locate the victim and plant their own diversion.

It occurred to me then just how much I wanted to feel the adventure again. I'm not sure I can explain it to her. It was once my life and I suddenly had this sense of how much I had missed it all. The fire in my blood. The test of all a man is. The ultimate challenge. One's life on the line and no safety net within which to fall. How to explain that to someone who has never known it? How to tell the woman you love that you still need the thrill of danger to be what you really are?

 

As soon as I returned we began our preparations; equipment was already loaded and as soon as we caught the tide, we were away. It was relatively easy sailing; the weather clear with a high chance of blustery weather once we rounded Cape San Vincent and hit the open Atlantic but it was the sort of sea I loved - white water sailing and a wild wind behind us. I had no idea whether or no the others were good sailors - if not, they would feel the force of the waves and we could expect some sick bellies.

But they proved up to the task and showed that they had some skills in yachting; Thorne mentioned something about it being standard procedure in the SAS to do a tour with Boat Troop. I forget just how complete a soldier he is, not like the artillery men of my time with their limited skills. All in all we made good time and slightly ahead of schedule we found ourselves in the vicinity of our quarry, only a few sea miles separating us.

This was when the operation moved into its second phase. Despite the darkness of the night sky and the blessed cover of the stormy clouds that obscured most of the moonlight, it was not feasible to bring the yacht up close; we would have been detected and the unfortunate hostage killed and dumped before we could have boarded. From as near a position as we could safely allow, with the yacht handed over to the care of a mariner whom they had brought with them (the fellow seemed to know his way around) we launched a dinghy and crossed the remaining distance on this small boat. Initially the plan had been to leave me in charge of the yacht but I was loath to accept that. It is entirely against my nature to watch men go into battle and hang back.  And so I was made part of the team, as was Stephen, who as ever astonished the others with his courage and tenacity in action.

We stepped down into the dinghy, wearing black, woolen caps pulled down on our heads; as ever I had to tie up my damned hair to prevent the golden colour giving us away. Our faces were blacked with some face paint as camouflage. The dinghy hummed softly on its almost silent engine but even that was a give away once we reached hailing distance. Thorne and O'Leary donned their frogmen outfits.

From then on we doused the engines and rowed. It was no mean task against the current on that wild night but we were grateful for the wind and the swell. No one on the yacht could possibly have been alerted to our approach. At the appointed place, Thorne and O'Leary slipped into the water and swam strongly to the stern, hauling themselves silently up on ropes as we made our way alongside and began to call for help.

Stephen babbled in Portuguese and that was enough to catch them off guard. Although hostile, the armed men who shouted down to us seemed ready to accept we were fishermen whose boat had gone down in the storms. Naturally they refused to extend us any help, the dogs, and were quite prepared to see us cast adrift in that flimsy dinghy against rising autumn seas, but we were not shot on sight. So there was some comfort in that. But before they could raise their guns to fire a warning to us to back off, we heard the gurgle of men being dealt with and the guards disappeared to be replaced by Terry calling us up the rope.

It was easy from then on. We each carried knives and guns. Thorne located the hostage who was quickly retrieved and taken to the dinghy. Once he was safely installed there with Stephen, we then rounded up the captors who were completely taken by surprise. They were not soldiers by any means, simply thugs who believed themselves tough men but easy prey to men such as us. O'Leary radioed to the Portuguese Navy who had a swift vessel waiting in the area and within a few hours the yacht had been seized and was under their control. We returned with our captive to our own yacht which had now come up - and the deed was done. Comparatively simple. Apart from a few injuries here and there, but Stephen was on hand to patch us up.

And then back to port. And I did not have to fear death at my lady's hands after all.

 

 

TERRY

He's awesome in action. Bloody frightening. You would be glad he was on your side and not the other way round. Jack Aubrey is as fearless a man in combat as I have ever seen - and damn near the most brutal. He simply roars and hacks his way through until the opposition fall back in dread at this vision of atavistic warrior. Of course as soon as it is over, he is a different man, shrugging off injury, dealing with wounded, making decisions instinctively but quiet and thoughtful throughout. Don't be fooled by the image. He doesn't relish dealing out death. But he does it and then he makes his peace over it. But his soul bears as many scars as his body. He does not close any man's eyes without regret.

On the way back he was pensive and somewhat remote, standing at the helm and staring out into the early dawn. He hadn't slept at all - but then none of us had done more than doze for a brief while. We were exhausted but adrenalin still fired us up. It's always that way. And then suddenly you give into it and sleep for week. My leg was stiff and sore- I had raked it on a spike as I climbed aboard; it had ripped my suit to shreds. It was difficult to get comfortable.

So I dragged myself up to the cabin and propped myself by the door. He glanced sideways; his eyes were bloodshot. There was a nasty cut down his right cheek and his eye was already blackened. I know he had also broken or bruised a rib or two but he still stood square shouldered, like a mountain against the wind.

"How's the leg?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Still there. Took a nice chunk of flesh out but I can't complain."

He nodded. "It was fun. I enjoyed it. Just don't tell Uma I said that. She is already convinced that this was a jolly for me..."

I laughed and lit up a cigarette. I offered him one but he declined. "Women...they just don't get it....Look Jack, I've been meaning to say something to you..."

"About Uma? What is there to say? I know you loved her. Love her still for all I know. But we must all know when we are beaten. She is no longer yours. If she wanted you, I would never have stood in her way. But I believe that she does not..."

I dragged deep and felt the curl of smoke buzzing my brain. Didn't kill the ache though. "Yeah...I know. Truth is I've been hanging onto a dream. Doing fuck all about it, mind, but that's me. I just needed to know she was safe and that it was over. She's your girl. Look after her better than I did. Do that for me, hey?"

Jack ran his hands through his hair. "And what about you? For the future? Is that place enough for you now?"

I shook my head. "In my head I left the day we parted. But I went through the motions. There are a lot of people there whom I care about. It's time to make a move now though. I'm ready for the break. Just need to sort a few things out. And go see a girl in London and tell her what a shit I've been to her."

"London? A woman in London?"

 I grinned; Uma had said nothing. 

"Yeah...a really special girl who deserves a damn sight more from me than she's been given. But things are clearer now. I know where I'm going."

"No regrets?" he asked bluntly.

I laughed. "Plenty of regrets. But it was worth the ride. But now I have a new adventure. Maybe this time, I'll learn my lesson..."

I'm not sure he understood me. He doesn't have the need for complexity that bedevils me. It is simple to him. I love a woman then I make her mine. Sounds pretty simple when you put it like that. Come on, Terry...you can do it....

 

 

UMA

He came back on a rainy afternoon. He was just there, standing at the door looking at me. He looked like shit. Dirty, tired, hurt, bloody but still as fine a man as ever loitered at my bedroom door and gave me the eye.

"In one piece, madam!" he announced.

"I am afraid I cannot take your word for it, sir. Clothes off for an intimate examination!"

I stripped him, bathed him, let my hands roam his body checking off the body parts one by one. "Fingers? Ten. Arms? Two! Eyes? Two - and a very beautiful blue pair if I may say so even if the left is ringed with a rainbow effect.....Ears? One and a half - it will have to do! Down to: Cock? One! Balls? Two...I think that is the normal quantity..." and so on until we were rolling on the bed laughing and touching and just being together. He showed me the cheque he had received. It was an incredibly large sum but they had assured him that extractions were highly dangerous and thus well remunerated. This was just the standard going rate. I wondered but said nothing. I had no intention of looking a gift horse in the mouth. Our immediate problems were solved; we had the collateral now to plan a venture for the future.

I could see the dark bruising round his ribs and the even darker panda-like swelling round his left eye. "Cracked ribs?" I whispered, gently tracing the area. He shrugged.

"Probably just bruised." He never seems to notice pain. Or rather he just chooses not to, with that iron will he has. The many injuries that he has sustained and ignored over his life have taught him how to deal with pain.

"Play the whore for me..." he grinned and pulled me on top of him. "I am too wounded to mount you, madam, but I am sure you can do the job quite as well as I can!"

"You sure? I'll hurt you!" I gasped as I straddled him. But he merely laughed and lay back. As tired as he was, he was not going to sleep until he had the pleasure of coming home again and burying himself in me. Gently I lowered myself down and moved softly as he sighed and caressed me softly. "Touch yourself. Disport for me. Show me how you want me..." he whispered and I did; lewdly playing with myself while I rose up and down upon him until I was so far inside myself that I could not carry on and slumped forward, hands on his shoulders while my orgasm shuddered through me and I grasped him tight until he groaned. And then he simply let himself come - no great lusty pounding but just a gentle shivering as he let himself seep out and sank back onto the pillow, exhausted but happy.

Easing off, I cleaned us both up and covered him over before curling up next to him, my hand resting lightly on his chest as I listened to him slip immediately into sleep, his fingers still tangled in my hair. We had the money now.  He had won it fair and square in the best way he knew how. His pride was intact. But I know one thing for sure.

Terry Thorne made this happen. And he gave Jack the face to take his help like a man.

 

 

CADIZ.  The following evening

In the time-honoured tradition of men back from action, the players of TOL's recent and most highly praised extraction gathered to drink themselves into oblivion and act like a pack of little naughty boys. The letdown. As vital as is the moment when they reconnect with a woman after they had so recently put their lives on the line - again. Bonding and reaffirmation have many forms.

This time, I was allowed to join in. Jack said because I could drink one for one with most men thus proving myself a worthy drinking companion. Dino said I was prettier than the rest- with the exception of himself, of course- and so it would be good for his eyes. Stephen said that at least one of us might remember the way home (is he joking?). Terry said that however bad they got at least we could be assured that Uma would make an even bigger fool of herself and by comparison they wouldn't look so puerile.

So I got to play with the boys.

We pub crawled all over the show and ended up in a hotel bar when everywhere else was closed; even the nightclubs had thrown us out. It was late and the band had begun to pack up for the night, with just a solitary pianist left at the keyboards. The men were pretty far gone and talking mostly rubbish, bleary eyed and red faced. I wandered to the loo and then over to the pianist who was knocking out some cool late night jazz. Actually I hadn't been pouring the booze down my neck like the men had that night - beer with malt whisky chasers for the most part and I can neither take the volume nor mix the grape and the grain. So I had stuck to gin and was loose but still lucid - yet drunk enough to be in a sentimental singing mood.

The pianist and I struck up a conversation and I asked him if he knew a song I had in mind. It turned out that he did and he began to play it softly. I asked if I could take the microphone; he shrugged and said he would love a singer, go ahead.

 

They all looked up as my voice came out loud and clear; the bar was deserted apart from our company. "A song for a guy here. He knows what I mean..."

 

 

I watched Jack smile as he lay back in his seat and listened to me sing, his foot tapping as ever - he loves a good tune. Terry sat up but looked down, his hands resting on his bent knees; the other two men just watched with impassive faces. I was laying myself bare here but they all had a right to hear what I had to say. The two men that I loved and their best friends.

 

 

I stepped forward as Terry raised his eyes to mine; he smiled and I raised my chin. This bit I addressed directly to him:

 

 

He raised his glass to me and then over to Jack. I looked at them both. The two men that I loved most in all the world. My past and my present. My future now assured.

 I have finally come into my domain.

 

 

* This land is Mine and White Flags are by Dido from her album Life to Rent

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